Gonna Rest My Bones

February 24, 2015

By Rebel40000

*It was a hot, sunny day at an old, dusty town known as Sangria. It was essentially a “living ghost town”, the remains of the old wild west, surrounded by the vast technology that the rest of the world had flourished in. As the few locals that still lived in the town continued with their overly simple lifestyles, a certain visitor had just arrived…*

Rebel: *wearing a tattered cloak for protection* Damn desert, blowing sand all over the place. I swear I keep thinking that Flannery chick’ll pop out at any moment screaming “SAND FOR EVERYONE” or something stupid… *sees a man* Hey, ‘scuse me!

Man: *looking down sweeping a porch* What’cha wantin’, youngster?

Rebel: I really need a damn drink. Can you tell me where to go?

Man: Ya mean the pub? Well, let me see… *looks up at Rebel* OH GOD, DON’T HURT ME!! *runs inside*

Rebel: …Right. Moving on, then. *sees a woman* Hey you, can ya help a guy out here?

Woman: EEK!! *flees*

Rebel: Man, what a buncha weirdos. I’LL JUST FIND IT MYSELF, THEN!! *storms off*

*Elsewhere, on a cliff overlooking the town… We see two figures standing, looking down at the place, watching intently. The one in the front was a large Reploid, donned in red armor. The way it was constructed gave him the appearance of a knight.*

???: So, this is location that thou mentioned?

Cyphos: *standing further back* Yes, that is indeed the place! A lovely town, is it not? It’s a shame they refuse to do business with my store!

???: This place is even older than myself.

Cyphos: Well, that shouldn’t be any surprise since you are a Reploid, after all! I doubt you were made back in the 19th century! *laughs*

???: *turns to face Cyphos* Listen well, creten, for I shall make verily aware that thou understandest my true strength!

Cyphos: *rubbing hands together* Hahah, yes, sorry about that, old bean. Anyway, should we not be getting onto business?

???: There is no business to discuss with thee.

Cyphos: Oh, come now! Don’t be that way! *serious* There’s plenty to talk about.

???: Such as… what?

Cyphos: Like your mission, of course!

???: Hmph. Receiving my mission from such a lowly individual… one who wastes time with monkeys!

Cyphos: Hey, let’s not get all apprehensive, now! Although it was a bit of a mess having to release all of those monkeys onto that ship, the end result of gaining their trust was well worth it. *serious* The information it provided was extremely valuable. *smiling* So with this, we can continue with the next part of the plan!

???: Which is thus the assignment that thou art giving?

Cyphos: *raises arms* Precisely! See, the CIA’s former leader, Mr. Rebel40000, is located in that town.

???: Rebel…?

Cyphos: Yes… you may recognize him more by the name of “Magna Centipede”, however!

???: …

Cyphos: Anyway, he isn’t who we are looking for, since we know through a simple process of elimination, that of all the people, the chances of both him and Outlaw being the one is… zilch. But! And this is a big but–there is a good chance he may know something, and if he doesn’t, who cares! Which is where you come in, good friend.

???: So, thou hast decided to use me… for such perposterious plans!

Cyphos: Say what you will, but isn’t this what you’ve been waiting for for all this time? I really doubt you are in any situation to be complaining!

???: True…

Cyphos: So…?

???: …Fine, it shalt be done. By the time I am finished, “Rebel” shalt learn to fear thy name of Charlemagne!

Cyphos: Glad to hear it! *serious* Just remember, don’t kill him… yet. *grows a silly grin* Capture him, and then let me do the talking! There’s a number of things I want to confirm with him. After that, you can do whaaaateeeeveerrr you want!

Charlemagne: *eyeing Cyphos warily* Thou art certainly a strange, little man. *turns away* Thou makest clear, I find thou art a thorn in thy side. The Cult of Mechalcanos ill needs a fledgling such as yourself, who does not yet know his place!

Cyphos: Well, I’m sorry you feel that way, Mr. Charlemagne, but please… have some coupons! *hands out a book*

Charlemagne: *starts walking away* I do not go shopping.

Cyphos: *yelling* Well, be sure to always keep us in mind! And remember, no killing~!

Charlemagne: …

*Back in town, at the local bar…*

Rebel: *walks in tiredly*

Everyone: *stops what they are doing and stares*

Rebel: *ignores them and sits down at the counter*

Bartender: *cleaning a glass* What’ll it be, pal?

Rebel: Gimme a glass of Coke. On the rocks.

Bartender: A glass of… what?

Rebel: Coke. On the rocks.

Bartender: …Right away. *pulls out a random bottle from the shelf and begins to shake it*

Rebel: Say, is it just me, or is everyone around here acting really weird?

Bartender: Neeh, what makes ya say that? *drops some ice into a glass*

Rebel: Well, first asking around for directions was a pain in the ass, because everyone was acting all scared whenever I talked to them. And now I feel like I’m about to have a bunch of holes burned into the back of my head if they keep staring at me.

Bartender: Must be your imagination, pal. *pours the drink and serves it* There ya go, one cold glass of “Coke”, on the rocks.

Rebel: *grabs the glass* Thanks. *takes a swig* …Man, you guys sure do have funny tastin’ Coca-Cola. *shrugs and goes back to drinking*

Big Guy: *walks up next to Rebel* You a Reploid?

Rebel: *stops drinking* No, I’m just a guy who looks like a giant purple centipede with a tail. WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE!?

Big Guy: We don’t very much LIKE Reploids, comin’ to our town, startin’ trouble.

Rebel: *goes back to drinking*

Big Guy: Reploids are a buncha no-good troublemakers, so why don’tcha do us all a favor n’ git?

Man #1: Yeah, you tell him!

Rebel: *still drinking*

Big Guy: Well? Are ya listenin’ to me!?

Rebel: *finishes his glass and slams it down* Hey barkeep! Hook me up with another.

Bartender: Of course. *starts to pour another drink*

Big Guy: All right, that’s it! *grabs Rebel by the throat and lifts him up* You think yer gonna just ignore me like that!? You got another thing comin’!

*The man pulls his free arm back, getting ready to pulverize Rebel! Before he manages to hit him, Rebel suddenly vanishes from his grasp, causing the man to lunge out too far. During this, Rebel appears behind him and kicks him in the back, causing him to go flying out of the bar!*

Rebel: Yeah, what now, huh!?

Man #2: GET HIM!!

Rebel: Wait, what–*gets hit upside the head with a chair*

*The rest of the people in the bar, minus the bartender, suddenly spring into action, pouncing on Rebel as he recovers from the blow to the head.*

Rebel: *dodging the attacks* Man, you guys don’t KNOW what you are dealing with! *leg sweeps two of them*

Man: You ain’t gettin’ away with this! *pulls out a gun*

Rebel: *pulls out a beam saber and slices the gun into pieces*

Everyone: *gasp*

Rebel: What? You guys have never seen one of these before or something?

Man #1: It’s the work of the devil!

Man #3: I always knew Reploids were the work of Satan!

Man #4: LET’S GET OUTTA HERE!!

*The group of people quickly run away, minus the unconscious ones, Rebel, and the bartender.*

Rebel: …Well, whatever. *puts away the beam saber*

Bartender: *hands Rebel another drink* Here pal, this one’s on the house.

Rebel: Gee, thanks. *drinks* So now do you have some sorta explanation for all that?

Bartender: Neeh, probably has something to do with the fact that this is an extremely old town that doesn’t rely on the advanced technology of the outside world, and since you ARE advanced technology from the outside world, the rest of the citizens immediately find you to be a threat and want you to either leave or be done away with.

Rebel: I… see…

Bartender: Or they just hate your guts.

Rebel: Piss off. *drinks some more* MAN, this stuff is crazy awesome. It’s almost… rawksome… in a Majin-ish sorta way. Can I have another?

Bartender: Sure thing, pal. *pours another drink*

Rebel: Rawksomely awesome rawksome! *chugs it down and slams it* Whoaaa… suddenly da sky iz broon an mah teckst b flipin lol yoooo *passes out*

Bartender: Yessir, that’s how it always happens. And now to do my good deed for the day…

*A few hours later…*

Rebel: *wakes up* Uggh… where the heck am I? Huh? *sees he’s in a cell* What’s going on here!?

Sheriff: Ah, so yer awake, are ya?

Rebel: Are you the sheriff or something? Why am I in here!?

Sheriff: Well, after yer li’l stunt with some of the locals, and then getting yerself wasted, the barkeep felt it’d be best to have ya spend some time in here. So here ya are.

Rebel: …

Sheriff: By the way, only four glasses? Lightweight.

Rebel: WHY YOU–*grabs the bars and pulls on them*

Sheriff: Looks like someone needs to calm down a bit more. I think I’ll leave ya here the rest of the day.

Rebel: WHAT!?

Sheriff: ‘Sides, it’s gettin’ late. Consider it courtesy of the town of Sangria n’ all that. Oh, and don’t think that yer little powers will work in there, too. Unlike the rest of the town, the insides of the cells are outfitted with the latest equipment… just in case. *leaves*

Rebel: Hey, get back here and let me out! You can’t do this to me! Damn it…

*Realizing his stay was going to be longer than he had hoped, Rebel quickly walks over to the cheap-looking bed in his cell and lays down, staring at the ceiling while contemplating.*

Rebel: *thinking*It’s been… how long now since the team broke up? It feels like it’s been forever. *closes eyes* Man, I really was an idiot… After being thrown out of the Whale King, with everyone just up and leaving like that… all I’ve been able to do is just wander around with no destination… The drifter life sure ain’t easy… I just wonder… what the others… are doing right now…

*It does not take too long for Rebel to quickly fall asleep. During this he begins to have a strange dream…*

Rebel: *looking around* Huh? Where am I? And what’s up with my appearance? It’s so… old. Wait… is this my team’s… old base?

*Indeed, Rebel was back in his old base, which was situated on the island near Megalopolis.*

Rebel: Man, I thought Anti destroyed this place with the rest of his cronies*! What’s it doing back?

*See Series 2, Epilogue #19 “Dark Time”*

???: Rebel…

Rebel: Huh!? Who’s there?

???: Rebel… come here…

*Rebel follows the source of the noise, taking him through the various levels of the base… until he reaches the very top.*

Rebel: *eyes wide* Y-you guys are….

Ghaleon: Hey there, Reb.

PBX: Long time no see!

Deathtuna: *yawn* Hey there and stuffs…

GDT: Hi.

Rebel: Ghaleon, PBX, Deathtuna, and GDT? What are you all doing here!?

Ghaleon: Well, we’re basically here in this dream world to help you cope with the death of Void a bit better.

Deathtuna: So no team break-ups’ll start… Zzzzz…

Rebel: …But that already happened.

Ghaleon: Well, fuck.

GDT: Who the Hell cares, you’re gonna get the talk anyway!

PBX: I like talks! Especially when they’re about talks. Talking about talks always talks a lot of talks out of me. Yay!

Rebel: And now my brain just exploded. Man, did that sheriff guy really say that four drinks made me a lightweight?

Ghaleon: Okay guys, enough of that. Let’s get down to business.

Rebel: Wait, question.

Ghaleon: Yes?

Rebel: Why isn’t Ti-An here?

PBX: This is for the guys who were killed-only!

Rebel: When the Hell was GDT killed?

GDT: You left me at Michael Jackson’s house*! That was far worse than death, asshole!

*See Series 2, Epilogue #13 “Trump’s Purchase”*

Rebel: Whatever. But if this is about dead people, then why isn’t Void here? Y’know, he’s kinda the reason why I’ve been having mental breakdowns.

Ghaleon: Well, you’d probably beat the daylights out of him the moment you saw him.

Rebel: True.

Deathtuna: Zzzz… he also thinks your… super gay…

Rebel: DAMN YOU, VOID!!

GDT: So anyway, we hope this talk is helping you out.

Rebel: How is this helping!? I’m getting insulted in my own dreams, and now instead of missing Void and the rest of you guys, I just want to kill you all! But now I’m incredibly frustrated that I can’t because all of you ARE ALREADY DEAD!! Except for you, GDT. You’re just a prick.

GDT: *grumbles* Iron fist…

Rebel: What was that?

GDT: Yeah, hope the talk is helping.

Ghaleon: Anyway, Rebel, you have to learn to let the past go. It’s what lead the team to break apart.

PBX: Yeah, there’s nothing to say “yay” about that! Just a nay! Nay!

Rebel: So what do you suggest I do?

Ghaleon: Go find a replacement for Void. Just like how you replaced all of us by people who are far better and more memorable.

Deathtuna: I dunno… I always thought *yawn* that I was kinda cool…

PBX: And I’m a loveable huggable crab! Yay for crabs! Nay for the non-crabs!

GDT: My replacement’s nickname is “GDT MKII”.

Ghaleon: Okay, fine. Only my replacement is better and far more interesting than I could ever hope to be. Are you guys happy now?

Rebel, PBX, Deathtuna, GDT: No.

Ghaleon: Well, fuck again. Oh well. Just go find a replacement for Void already!

Rebel: But who the heck would seriously wanna be a moth?

*Elsewhere…*

Avi: *drawing on cop’s face* And now, you shall be known as “Mr. Freckles”! Witness as the diagonal lines creates the illusions of millions of freckles!

Majin: I’m not drunk for once… because I have a feeling that someone stole my originality somewhere in this epilogue.

Avi: *paints on Majin* Oh, be quiet sonny, and go drink your bah-bah while I turn your drab self into the wonderful “Radioactive Mushrooms”! It’ll be my magnum opus!

*Back to the dream…*

Rebel: *shakes head* Whoa… that sudden change in location was really weird. I don’t think I’ll ever drink another Coke again.

GDT: You know that wasn’t Coke, right?

Rebel: In that case I’ll keep drinking Coke ’till the day I die!

GDT: *facepalms* So to not make it feel like this entire sequence was a complete waste of time, can we just go already?

Ghaleon: *nods* Yeah.

Deathtuna: *salivating* It was fun… Reb… Zzz…

PBX: *jumps on Tuna’s back* Yeah, we should do this more often! Cameos for the win!

GDT: I just want to actually be the leader of something for once.

Rebel: You guys… I really don’t know what to say…

Ghaleon: Just say what comes from your heart.

Rebel: My heart? Well, all right… YOU’RE ALL A BUNCH OF IDIOTS!!

Ghaleon, PBX, Deathtuna, GDT: Huh?

Rebel: Did you guys not even pay attention to the dang prologue!? I didn’t want a new member because he would precisely be a replacement! And now you guys are telling me to go find another!?

Ghaleon: Oooh, yeah. We forgot about that.

Deathtuna: As usual…

GDT: I don’t get why this is suddenly a problem.

PBX: Yeah, me neither!

Rebel: ‘Cause… it feels wrong to just replace people like that. I didn’t have time to think about it much back then, since Ti-An and GDT never did die–

GDT: *dirty glare*

Rebel SHUT YOUR FACE!! Anyway, after that, when all that stuff with Anti took place, so much happened consecutively that it gave me zero time to think. This didn’t happen with Void, though. I’ve been given plenty of time to think about it.

Ghaleon: Well, crap, what can we say to that?

Deathtuna: *rubbing eye* I got one… how about uhhh…

PBX: NOOOOOOOO!!

Deathtuna: Yeah… that’s it… Zzz…

GDT: Look, Rebel, I know I was never your biggest fan, but let me try to give some “advice”. A team is a big responsibility. And it’s with that responsibility that you, as leader, need to always stand strong and do what is best for the team and how it contributes to the goal.

Rebel: …

GDT: You know what you gotta do, so just get out there and do it!

Rebel: …I’ll think about it.

Ghaleon: If that’s the case, then our work here is done. This dream will be ending soon…

Deathtuna: *yawns* The end of a dream always means more sleep for me… Yeah…

Rebel: Thanks for everything guys. I’ll always remember you all!

PBX: Yay for character development!

Rebel: …On second thought, no. I won’t remember any of you. *disappears*

PBX: …Yay!

GDT: Yep, complete waste of time.

Deathtuna: *snoring loudly*

Ghaleon: Sigh… the rest is up to you, Rebel…

*With a jolt, Rebel suddenly wakes up, lifting himself out the bed. Wide-eyed and alert, he quickly gets up and grabs the bars to his jail cell, his face close.*

Rebel: Sheriff? Sheriff! You there!?

Sheriff: *walks in* What’cha wantin’, boy? I’m ’bout ready to round everythin’ up ‘fore catchin’ some Z’s.

Rebel: Which is worse, failing or never trying?

Sheriff: *squints eyes* …’Scuse me?

Rebel: If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do?

Sheriff: What?

Rebel: To what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken?

Sheriff: What’re you talkin’ ’bout!?

Rebel: Would you break the law to save a loved one?

Sheriff: …

Rebel: Do you push the elevator button more than once? Do you really believe it makes the elevator faster?

Sheriff: Now yer just talkin’ nonsense, son.

Rebel: Sorry. I was trying to sound “deep”.

Sheriff: Riiiiight. Well, I’m headin’ out now. It’s gettin’ pretty late. Have fun. *starts to walk away*

Rebel: Wait! Sheriff! Please let me out! I have to get out!

*Despite his cries, the sheriff still walks out, leaving Rebel all alone once and for all. The night already set, all he finds himself being able to do is just sit and contemplate. The next half hour has him sitting in silence.*

Rebel: …Man, already took a nap, so I’m wide awake… Damn it! Is there nothing I can do? And that dream I had… it’s fuzzy but… I feel like I need to make a decision, and fast…

*At that moment, without warning, the wall next to Rebel’s cell suddenly explodes into a flurry of debris, with a well-sized hole being made into it. Immediately Rebel moves out of the way as a large mace goes flying his way, crashing into the floor behind him.*

Rebel: *slowly getting back up* What… what the Hell!?

*The mace then slowly starts to retract, toward a Reploid donned in red armor.*

Charlemagne: *has shield lifted* Centipede! My name is Charlemagne, and I have come to do battle! Enguarde! *swings mace again*

Rebel: You’ve gotta be kidding me–*gets hit and goes flying through the wall*–Augh!!

Charlemagne: *retracts mace* Die!

Rebel: Don’t think so! *teleports behind a building*

Charlemagne: Hmm… thou thinkest he is clever… But I know where thee is! *swings mace*

Rebel: *mace flies over head, dropping pieces of rubble on him* CRAP!! *runs*

Charlemagne: Only a coward flees from battle! *chases*

*The chase is short-lived. Due to the sudden destruction of the town, the people were to quick to awaken and break into a panic, quickly spotting Rebel.*

Woman: That’s the monster that was thrown in jail!

Rebel: *stops* Oh, you’ve gotta be kidding me…

Man: Get ‘im!

Rebel: *trying to pry them off* There’s no time for this! Some psycho is chasing after me and–

Charlemagne: CENTIPEEEEEDE!! *throws mace*

Rebel: –MOVE!! *shoves the people out of the way and gets hit*

People: AAAAHHH!! *flees*

Charlemagne: Protecting the innocent… quite the noble cause, for one such as thyself, Centipede.

Rebel: *on the ground* How… how do you know me?

Charlemagne: Thou dost not remember me?

Rebel: Not really…

Charlemagne: Hmph, ’tis a shame. I will suppose thou diest before realization, then! *swings mace again*

Rebel: …Now! *jumps over the mace and throws a couple Magnet Mines*

Charlemagne: *raises shield but gets hit by one* Urrgh… *flips mace up*

Rebel: *gets hit from behind* Gaah!! *falls down*

Charlemagne: *picks Rebel up by the throat* How long have I awaited this day…? The day to finally exact revenge! Thou dost remember yet, Centipede!?

Rebel: I’m telling you… I don’t… remember…!

Charlemagne: Then let me educate thee! *throws Rebel forward and belts him with mace*

Rebel: AAAGGGHHH!! *crashes into a building*

Charlemagne: Such a pitiful performance… I expected better, Centipede.

*Talking to himself, Charlemagne slowly walks toward the rubble where Rebel laid. Upon reaching his destination, however, he could find no trace of the elusive Reploid.*

Charlemagne: …? Where did he–

Rebel: Lookin’ for something!? *appears behind Charlemagne and stabs him with tail*

Charlemagne: !?

Rebel: I don’t usually use this technique, but I’m going to give you a nice little virus ’cause you’re pissing me off!

Charlemagne: NEVER!! *struggles and grabs Rebel’s tail, yanking it off*

Rebel: What the–

Charlemagne: And with this–*rips the tail off*

Rebel: GAAAHHH!! MY TAIL!!

Charlemagne: *throws it on the ground* What else does thee intend to do?

Rebel: I… plan… to do THIS!!

Charlemagne: To do what–*gets clobbered upside the head*

Rebel: *tail segments reattach* And now for my cunning counter attack! *starts throwing Magnet Mines*

Charlemagne: CURSES!! *gets blown back*

Rebel: Yeah! Take that, Macbeth!

Charlemagne: *rises, covered in scratches* My name is… CHARLEMAGNE!! *swings mace*

Rebel: You’re still fighting!? *dodges behind a building*

Charlemagne: Remember Centipede… nowhere is safe! *attacks the building, bringing it down*

*Despite the destruction, Rebel conveniently managed to disappear again.*

Charlemagne: Drat, to believe he could become so slippery… Centipede! Thou cannot hide forever…

*Elsewhere…*

Rebel: *watching Charlemagne from a distance* Whew… Talk about close. That guy is way too strong. If only I had some help… bah! There’s no time for that kind of thinking. Got to come up with a way… and make it happen…

*Back with Charlemagne…*

Charlemagne: *bringing down another building* Pardon my methods dear citizens, but this is the consequence for the guilty whom runs!

*With another swing of his mace, Charlemagne tears through the next building, turning it into a pile of rubble. Bringing the mace back to his side, he scans the horizon, before eyeing a two-story building located near the edge of town.*

Charlemagne: *starts to slowly swing mace while walking forward* Thou shalt be my next target… *throws mace*

*The mace flies into the second floor, causing it to collapse, with the rest of the structure wobbling slightly.*

Charlemagne: Tch, I could have sworn that thou liest therein… *pulls mace back but fails* Hm? What is this treachery!? *pulls even harder* Is my mace caught!?

???: Now!

*There is a “woosh” sound as the chain finally gives, causing Charlemagne to go flying backward, with only the chain in hand.*

Charlemagne: *covered in dirt* Urgh… who dares defile the weapon of Charlemagne!? *gets slowly back up*

Rebel: *emerges from the building, swinging the mace* That would be me! *throws the mace*

Charlemagne: *catches the mace* Thou usest my weapon against me!? Thou shalt pay!

Rebel: Not this time, buddy!

*Landing on the ground on both feet, Rebel quickly draws his beam saber, charging toward Charlemagne who was still holding the mace ball in both hands. With one swift stroke, he attacked at the knight’s legs, causing circuits and wires to fly from his knees*

Charlemagne: AAGH!! *drops the mace and crashes to the ground*

Rebel: *points saber* Surrender now, or else!

Charlemagne: S-surrender? Thou art a fool… I shan’t ever surrender to thee! Not after what thou hast done!

Rebel: Okay, just shut up about this! Who are you, and what the Hell are you talking about!?

Charlemagne: …Thou dost not remember, truly? Thy terrible sins thou hast committed!? Then I shall make thee remember! Remember the betrayal, the pain, the DEATH!!

*Suddenly, despite his body having been badly wounded, Charlemagne forced himself to stand on his feet, sparks flying everywhere. Pulling out his shield, he drew a beam saber from his hilt, and charged at Rebel!*

Rebel: What the!? *dodges* How can you still move after all that!?

Charlemagne: I live for the battlefield! Thou shalt fall to the wake of my vengeance! Now come! Face me like a true warrior should! *charges once more*

Rebel: If “thou” insist… *gets in position* Then get ready for some of THIS!! *charges*

*The two fighters clash into each other, their beam sabers striking against one another, causing sparks to fly. The two were placed in a momentary stand still!*

Charlemagne: *not relinquishing* Centipede!

Rebel: *struggling to keep ground* What!?

Charlemagne: It was many years ago… Back during the early days of Sigma’s rebellion with the Maverick Hunters, and the people of this world!

Rebel: !?

Charlemagne: We were both soldiers; knights of the Maverick Hunters. Though part of two different units, thou belongest to the Special 0 Unit, and myself in the 8th Armored Division, thy commanders decreed we ally ourselves with one another at one point in time…

Rebel: Say… say what!?

Charlemagne: ‘Tis but the truth, Centipede! We, along with several others from different units, were sent to a small island shortly after Sigma’s first defeat to the noble X. Yet… Thou betrayest us! Thou slaughterest all, bathed in our own blood! Thou hadst gone Maverick, which is why I shan’t ever forgive thee!

Rebel: *starting to get pushed back* Ch-Charlemagne! That was a long time ago!

Charlemagne: *becoming enraged* Obviously, for thou hast forgotten! So tell me, Centipede: Thou dost remember now!?

Rebel: …No.

Charlemagne: What did thou speakest!?

Rebel: I don’t remember, nor do I care to! The past is dead, and there’s no going back to it! So why don’t you just go back to the grave from where you came from!?

Charlemagne: FOOL!!

*With a new explosion of strength, Charlemagne manages to completely overcome Rebel, knocking his beam saber out of his hands and ramming right into him. He then proceeds to grab Rebel and starts plowing him into various rubble, until they burst inside of a large, storage shed, filled with various supplies such as rope, building materials, and oil.*

Charlemagne: *lifting Rebel up by the throat* Thou knowest nothing! But I shall assist thee by more education.

Rebel: *getting shaken horribly* G-gaaah…

Charlemagne: *slams Rebel to the ground*

Rebel: GRAAHH!!

Charlemagne: *points beam saber* Time passes, ever so slowly… While thou hast forgotten thy terrible deeds, I have not. By fate, a new master appearest before me and breathed me new life. From that day, my allegiance is to only Mechalcanos.

Rebel: Wh-who…?

Charlemagne: Ah, yes, I have been reminded… Though it would bring great pleasure thou killest, I must preserve thee for… questions. Therefore, I suggest thou dost not move.

Rebel: You… bastard! *tries to get up*

Charlemagne: *grabs Rebel by the arm* Allow me to assist thee. *rips Rebel’s arm off*

Rebel: AAAAAAGGGHHH!! *falls back down, screaming*

Charlemagne: *clenching the arm in his hand* Now, mayhaps will thou learnest his place, finally…?

Rebel: *holding his wound* How about… you go back to Hell!?

Charlemagne: I beg thee pardon? *suddenly gets hit by a blast to the side* OUGH!!

Rebel: *rises back to his feet* Yeah… fell for that hook, line, and sinker!

Charlemagne: *also getting up* What… what has thou donest…?

Rebel: While you were busy ripping my arm off, you failed to notice the little surprise that was in its hand!

Charlemagne: A mine…? *looks down at his own arm, which is in shambles* Allowing one’s own limb as a sacrifice to defeat thy opponent… thou art truly something else, Centipede!

Rebel: Better be careful, it sounds like you are starting to like me.

Charlemagne: Hmph… this is far from over! Thou hast become fatigued, while I continue to thirst for battle! Enguarde!

*Beam saber in hand, Charlemagne begins his assault once more, striking at Rebel at every chance, now with the absolute intent to kill. Rebel on the other, plays defensively by dodging, but he still ends up taking small nicks as his energy is slowly wasted.*

Rebel: *feels the saber brush against him* (Grah, this isn’t good! He doesn’t seem to be slowing down… how can this be!?)

Charlemagne: *not letting up* What is wrong, Centipede!? Has thou comest to finally realize that this is a losing battle for thee!?

Rebel: (Gotta make a new move…!) *throws a couple of mines* Take that!

Charlemagne: *knocks the mines out of the way* Is that all!? *swings beam saber fiercely*

Rebel: *gets hit in the side* DAMN IT!! *hits the ground but manages to bounce back up*

Charlemagne: Resilient, aren’t thee!? Just like the insect thou art designed!

Rebel: *holding side* A-actually, to clear up this misonception, centipedes aren’t actual insects, although we are both a part of the arthro–*dodges another blow*–POOOODS!! *throws more mines*

Charlemagne: *deflects them as well* Enough of thy pitiful games! It is time to end this!

Rebel: N-no way, man! You’re crazy! *throws more mines*

Charlemagne: *watches as they fly by him* …

Rebel: Um, uhh…

Charlemagne: THOU AIMEST POORLY!! *raises boot and hits Rebel with it*

Rebel: UGH!! *flies through the wall, landing outside*

Charlemagne: *looking through the hole that was made* Thy time is up, Centipede. Not even God can save thee in thy time of need!

Rebel: Gah…

Charlemagne: My duty was to save thee for questioning… but given what happened, I suppose I can brush this off as a trifling “accident”. But I am an honorable sort, Centipede, so I will give thee a last word before thy demise. Well?

Rebel: Y-yeah… I… got one…

Charlemagne: Oh? Let me here it, then.

Rebel: I just wanted to say… that… your accent really sucks…

Charlemagne: …Yes, I do believe it is time to die. *draws saber*

Rebel: Also… *lifts self up to look at Charlemagne*

Charlemagne: …?

Rebel: *reveals a switch in hand* …Did you think I was aiming for you!?

Charlemagne: …Thou speakest what!?

*Rebel suddenly pushes the switch, causing all of the mines that had been scattered throughout the building to go off, causing the entire building to explode!*

Charlemagne: *consumed by the blast* CENTIPEEEEEeede…

Rebel: *gets blown back from the explosion* AAAHHHHHH!!

*The explosion in turn, caused the oil located within to go off, creating a chain reaction, as a good portion of the town suddenly went up in smoke. Thankfully, due to the battle that was just taking place, the residents had all fled the town. During this chaotic moment, multiple sirens could be heard, as none other than the Maverick Hunters make an appearance, there to handle the sudden “Maverick outbreak”… It was during this time that the sun had finally arose…*

Sheriff: *watching the Hunters go by, ignoring him* No good Reploids… always bringin’ trouble to our town…

Rebel: *in the shadows* …

Sheriff: …I know yer there, ya know.

Rebel: …

Sheriff: I don’t know who ya are or why ya came to this ol’ dusty town in the first place… n’ I don’t really care. But if yer spotted by them Hunters, they’ll lock ya away fer a longer time than I was plannin’ on doin’.

Rebel: …

Sheriff: So git. I won’t say nuthin’.

Rebel: …Thanks.

Sheriff: Don’t be thankin’ me, son. *pulls hat down* I ain’t doin’ this outta no respect, I just don’t like those Hunters.

Rebel: Well… thanks regardless. *disappears*

Sheriff: Tch… I get the feelin’ that sumthin’ went down last night, sumthin’ that I ain’t ever gonna comprehend. So I won’t bother. I just hope the poor boy will stop talkin’ in them confounded riddles. “Push the elevator button”… pah! I dunno what an elevator even is.

*As the Sheriff continues to mull over these strange questions and Rebel leaves the town, still suffering from the wounds that were inflicted upon him, the Maverick Hunters still continued their investigation, finding leads and clues, as the townspeople began to devise strategies to rebuild Sangria. It was during this time…*

Charlemagne: *explodes from the rubble, severely wounded* Cent… ipede… Thou hast done well… Do not think… however… that just because thee… emerged victorious… from this batle… that the war… is now over… My revenge… shalt come…! *slowly rises*

???: *appluading from behind* Very well said, Mr. Charlemagne! Spoken like a true connoisseur!

Charlemagne: Th-that voice… Cyphos…?

Cyphos: *walks around to face him* The-one-and-only! So tell me, how did your battle go with Mr. 40000? Well, I take it?

Charlemagne: I… have no time for thy games, Cyphos…

Cyphos: Ahhh, I see, I see. *serious* Well, perhaps this wouldn’t have happened if you weren’t so rough, now would it? *laughing* All I wanted to do was ask Mr. 40000 some simple questions! I even specifically stated, “no killing”! Or don’t you remember?

Charlemagne: I remember… The obnoxious insect–pardon, centipede… was far stronger than anticipated… But it matters not… for next time, I will… emerge victorious…!

Cyphos: *dropping his smile* Yeah, about that… There’s one teensy-weensy problem…

Charlemagne: *annoyed* And that being…?

Cyphos: *places a hand on Charlemagne’s shoulder* You’re tired, aren’t you? Why don’t you rest, Charlemagne?

Charlemagne: What are you talking about–GAAAAAH!!

*Without any sign, Cyphos had suddenly plunged a beam saber into Charlemagne’s midsection, causing the large Reploid to keel over, with only Cyphos helping him to support his weight.*

Charlemagne: *wide-eyed* C-Cyphos… but… why…?

Cyphos: *grinning evilly* I’ll be frank. I’ve never liked you, Charlemagne. Always acting like you were so damn superior! So, I decided to play a little game with you.

Charlemagne: A… a game…?!

Cyphos: Didn’t you think this whole thing was just a little too suspicious? I already said from before that I knew Rebel wasn’t the one we wanted; I just wanted to ask some “questions”. But poor you, you never bothered to even figure out what those questions were!

Charlemagne: There… there were no questions… were there…?

Cyphos: *venomously* That’s right, “old friend”. I decided to see how things would go by pitting you and Rebel against one another–I knew you wouldn’t be able to resist trying to beat him to a pulp! And I’ve been keeping tabs on Rebel, see, so I knew he wouldn’t be able to stay down, either!

Charlemagne: Then… thou schemest to eliminate us both…

Cyphos: Heh… hahahahah! Yeah, but it seems you two both survived… well, at least, both of you did survive!

Charlemagne: Cy… phos… I shan’t… forget this… deed… for the sake of Mechalcanos–

Cyphos: Yeah, yeah, “all for Mechalcanos”. Whatever. Just die already!

*Cyphos then proceeds to yank the saber out of Charlemagne, causing the Reploid knight to stumble backward. Cyphos then decides to take the opportunity to deliver several blows to him, causing him to fall into a heap of pieces. Afterward, Cyphos proceeds to drop a small device next to Charlemagne’s remains, before walking away, smiling wickedly.*

Novice Hunter: *walking onto the scene* Man, this is such a boring job, and this town is a mess! I just wanna go home already. Never should’ve become a Hunter… Wait, what’s that? *sees the slaughter before him* My God, this is horrible… I need to call someone over here, stat!

*As the Hunter turns to leave, the small device Cyphos left catches his eye.*

Novice Hunter: What the heck is this? *picks it up and eyes widen* Oh my God, IT’S A–

*A massive explosion suddenly engulfs the entire town, wiping out all of it’s inhabitants and effectively removing any trace of existance from Sangria. In the distance, we see Cyphos standing, watching the event bouncing off of his shades.*

Cyphos: Knew those things in the store would always come in handy! Have fun rotting with the rest of those poor souls, Charlemagne! I know it’s just what you’ve always wanted! Hehahahah… HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!

The End

Bermuda Shorts # 5

February 21, 2015

Before we get to the last bit of short stories I need to let you in on a little secret. I actually thought the last post was all that was left of the Code: Island Attacker archive. But with a bit of digging I was able to find two things that have never been shared with the public.

The way we wrote the Bermuda Shorts was usually done just on the forum. When we reached a certain number of entry’s they were then posted on the main site. These shorts that you are about to read were all written by myself.

The next post will feature the last epilogue that was written which was done by Rebel4000. The site closed down before he was able to post it.

*All written by Outlaw88*

Insightful Thought # 5

Narrator: And now, an Insightful Thought.

Dramatic music

Narrator: This week’s guest: R.O.B.

R.O.B.: Beep.

Narrator: And to help us out, please welcome special guest C-3PO. Are you sure you can understand him?

C-3PO: Sir, I am fluent in over 6 million forms of communication. I can understand and translate just fine.

Narrator: Ok then.

R.O.B.: Beep.

C-3PO: He says “Hello. I’m R.O.B. and I work with The Rat by being his assistant.”

R.O.B.: Beep.

C-3PO: “It’s not as bad as you might think. It’s really mutually benificial. I fix him if he gets hurt and I get information for him, and in return he protects me.”

R.O.B.: Beep.

C-3PO: “Dragging Dead Man along can be a chore but overall I can’t complain.”

R.O.B.: Beep.

Narrator: Interesting. So what did he say that time?

C-3PO: That one was just a beep.

Narrator: Anything else?

R.O.B.: Beep.

C-3PO: He says “For fun I like to access the internet and look at funny cat pictures. Sometimes I like to go on forums and make others look like complete idiots. But my favorite thing is to watch videos of people getting hurt.”

Narrator: So you’re an internet troll.

*Before R.O.B. can answer an angry mob shows up. They chase R.O.B.*

C-3PO: Oh my.

Narrator: This has been an Insightful Thought.
The Eating Contest

It’s the Megalopolis annual “Eat till you’re sick!” contest. Rebel and Outlaw are backstage.

Rebel: What are you worried about man? You’ve got this!

Outlaw: I don’t know… The competition looks intense.

Rebel: Just go out there and do what you do best, other than stink, and we can snag the grand prize.

Announcer: Let’s get the show going! Here are the contestants: The four eyed freak Belome!

Belome: Oh the hunger…

Announcer: That little pink guy Kirby!

Kirby: HIIIIII!

Announcer: And Mr. Sewer Breath, Outlaw!

Outlaw: “Mr. Sewer Breath?”

Rebel: Well you are.

The three take the stage. Before anything can happen though…”

???: Wait!

*Takeru Kobayashi rushes the stage*

Takeru: I should be part of this! I’m a world record holder!

Announcer: We’ve been over this already. They wanted new people.

Takeru: I can out eat anyone! Just watch!

Announcer: Can someone get rid of this guy or something?

Belome: Stick for a body, head full of straw, give me a Scarecrow,
Rah, Rah RAH!

*Takeru Kobayashi is now a scarecrow*

Takeru: …

Announcer: That’s better. Now onto the event!

Kirby: Hi!

Outlaw: Hi to you too.

Kirby: HiIIIII!

Outlaw: Um… Hi.

Kirby: HIIIIII!

Belome: Oh the Hunger.

Outlaw: Suddenly I miss Takeru.

The massive piles of food are brought out. They place giant amonts in front of each of them. A bell sounds and they go at it.

Outlaw: *Nom nom nom!*

Belome: *Lick*

Kirby: HIIIII!!!

*Kirby inhales. His plate of food, Outlaw’s plate of food and Belome’s plate of food alll get eaten in one big gulp.*

Outlaw: Holy crap!

Belome: My food! You took my food! Gimme it back!

Kirby: Hi!

Belome: HUNGER!

*Belome rushes Kirby*

Outlaw: This can’t end well.

Kirby inhales Belome. A monsterous six eyed, pink beast with a huge mouth and extra long tongue is formed. It rushes the backstage area and escapes the building, eating anything in it’s path.

Outlaw: What has been seen cannot be unseen.

The End
Bakery of Doom

Rebel: It’s just around this corner.

Shadow: Where are we going again?

Rebel: I’ve heard that this is the best bakery ever and I’m in the mood for some comfort food.

Shadow: Considering Avi decided to paint the Whale King today I can see why you’d need comforting.

Rebel: Here it is! Aperture Science Bakery!

Shadow: Odd name for a bakery.

*When they go inside they notice that there isn’t anyone there.*

Shadow: Hello?

*A computerized voice responds*

GLaDOS: Welcome to the Aperture Science Bakery. I am called GLaDOS. How may I help you?

Rebel: Awesome.

Shadow: Where is everybody?

GLaDOS: This bakery is fully automated. The staff has been eliminated.

Shadow: What?!

GLaDOS: I apologize. What I meant to say was the need for staff has been eliminated.

Rebel: Good. I hate dealing with idiots.

Shadow: Rebel, something’s wrong here.

Rebel: Yeah. Too much talk, not enough buying me a cookie.

GLaDOS: Here is the menu. Please make your selection. May I recommend the Mrs. Lovett brand meat pie?

Rebel: Well with a name like Lovett it has to be good! I’ll take…

Shadow: NONE!

GLaDOS: Pity.

Rebel: What the hell man? You complain to me that we don’t hang out like we used to so I take you with me to get some eats. The moment I try to get said eats you prevent me from doing so?

Shadow: Trust me on this one. You wouldn’t like those pies.

Rebel: Whatever. *Looks at menu* How good are the sprinkle cookies?

GLaDOS: They are one of our killer sale items. Please note that the green particles are sprinkles. Clearly not rat poison.

Shadow: I don’t like this.

Rabel: Yeah, I’m not feeling sprinkles. Maybe they have some cake.

GLaDOS: We stay open until we run out of cake.

*There is a faint scream from deep within the building.*

Shadow: What was that?

GLaDOS: That was one of our test subjects. I mean Taste Testers. Those are screams of delight. Everything is normal.

Shadow: Rebel, we should get out of here. I think GLaDOS is up to something.

Rebel: Don’t be stupid. She’s being so nice and helpful. The word “Glad” is in her name so there’s no way she can be bad.

Shadow: Hurry up and pick something then.

Rebel: I’m still looking. Everything sounds so good.

*While Rebel looks at the menus, Shadow notices a strange blue glowing doorway. He walks over to it.*

Shadow: It’s like a swirly round thing.

Rebel: Round thing.

Shadow: I can see the top of my head.

*Glances up and see’s a similar doorway glowing orange.*

GLaDOS: The Aperture Science Bakery is not responsible for any harm done to and by stupid people.

Shadow: Huh?

*Shadow slips and tumbles into the Portal. He slams into the ground.*

Shadow: D’oh!

Rebel: I got it! Three donuts please.

GLaDOS: Excellent. Whice types would you like?

Shadow: I’m going to go wait outside.

Rebel: Fine. Be that way.

*Shadow exits the building. A few moments later Rebel joins him. They start walking for home.*

Shadow: Well?

Rebel: I got a soylent glazed one and a one that has creme filling. She said it was so good that my guts don’t know what’s coming.

Shadow: Sounds… Great….

Rebel: Yeah. I can’t wait. Oh and I got you a bear claw.

Shadow *Gulp*

THE END

Beyond Classification

*In the Whale King*

Rebel: Meeting Time!

Metabad: Meeting Time?!

Dark Knight: Meeting Time!

*DK and Metabad do a little jig*

Rebel: Sit down and shut up!

Shadow: So what’s up Rebel?

Avi: This isn’t about the rug is it? It looks so much better now.

Sean: What happened to the rug?

Avi: I don’t know Sean, what?

Rebel: Today we’re going to talk about Majin.

Majin: I like ponies.

Outlaw: Me too. They taste good with a little soy sause and steamed rice.

Sean: You didn’t…..

Outlaw: Isn’t that what was in food we ordered last night?

Sean: Let’s never go there again.

Rebel: AHEM! Back to the subject at hand.

Shadow: Are we going to finally talk about his out of control drinking problem?

DK: Or the fact that he keeps throwing up on everything electronic?

Majin: Or if lice really do see the rainbow of my tuna salad pants?

Rebel: No.

Avi: Then what?

Rebel: That’s the real question. What. As in what the hell is he anyway?

Outlaw: You mean the fact that he’s from Majin World?

Rebel: No, no I get that. I’m talking about what he looks like right now. What the hell is he? He’s also called Wire Sponge but…

Shadow: Now that you mention it.. Yeah he doesn’t really look like a sponge to me.

Avi: I thought he was a plant.

Metabad: Are sponges plants?

Outlaw: I thought they were some kind of sea life.

DK: Majin kinda looks like a really messed up cucumber to me.

Majin: How many licks does it take to get to the moon?

Sean: The leaves on his head, the green color, and vines make me think he is a plant too. But he does seem to be able to absorb liquids like a sponge.

Shadow: I’m confused.

Outlaw: Maybe he’s some kind of hybrid?

Avi: Those get good gas mileage.

Rebel: Forget it. This is getting us nowhere fast. I guess we’ll never know what he is.

Majin: Luffa.
*Based on real life confusion and….discovery!* http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Luffa

Bermuda Shorts # 4

February 17, 2015

Insightful Thought #4
By Outlaw88

Narrator: And now, an Insightful Thought.

*Dramatic music*

Narrator: This week’s guest: Oreo Oreo.

Oreo: Life is a funny thing ya know? I mean why did Trump pick Oreo’s to make us out of? Sure we can easily be remade after we get beat up or something but still. Why not rock? Or steel? I like being alive, don’t get me wrong but… My boss is weird.

Narrator: This has been an…

Oreo: I’M NOT DONE!

Narrator: Oh… Continue then.

Oreo: Being made of cookies is tough. I could go stale or parts of me could fall off or melt. But the worst thing is the ants. THE ANTS! They never leave us alone! Always trying to eat us or drag us to their mound. I HATE ANTS! I hate that I’m edible! I hate the C:IA for always beating us! WHY IS MY LIFE SO BAD?! AHHHHHH!!!

*Oreo starts crying, causing some of his face to melt.*

Narrator: This has been an Insightful Thought.

The End

* * *

Book Report
By Outlaw88

*Shadow is in the living room area, quietly reading a book.*

Shadowstrike: Very interesting.

*Majin staggers in*

Majin: What yoooou do?

Shadowstrike: I’m reading. Go away.

Majin: Reading what?

Shadowstrike: A book.

Majin: Book?

Shadowstrike: Yes, Majin. Book. Thing with words.

Majin: Reading… Rainbow.

Shadowstrike: Sure. Whatever. Just leave me alone ok?

Majin: Ya.

*There is a brief moment of silence.*

Majin: *in Shadow’s ear* I CAN DO ANYTHING! TAKE A LOOK! IT’S IN A BOOK!!!!!!!

*This sudden outburst made Shadow jump.*

Shadowstrike: Forget this.

*He goes to a different part of the ship. He looks around and all is quiet. He is in a hallway where a few of the rooms are located.*

Shadowstrike: Ahhhh…

*Suddenly the whole hall shakes as insanely loud music is being played. He goes to Outlaw’s room and as soon as he opens the door the music gets even louder! Outlaw and Metabad are moshing to the music.*

Shadowstrike: TURN IT OFF!

*They don’t notice him. Shadow goes over to the stereo and turns it off.*

Metabad: Hey!

Shadowstrike: You guys are going to go deaf if you keep playing it that loud! Don’t you have any consideration for people who want quiet?!

Outlaw: What?

Metabad: Huh?

Shadowstrike: Nevermind.

*He storms out.*

Metabad: What did he say?

Outlaw: I dunno. Something about hamsters, hoola hoops and precipitation.

*Back in the hall, Shadow tries to find his place in the book, but the music gets turned back on. He lets out a frustrated groan and moves on.*

Shadowstrike: I’ll try the next hall over.

*He enters the next section of the ship. There is a lot of smoke in the air. Sean is sitting by the door.*

Shadowstrike: Sean?

Sean: Yeah?

Shadowstrike: What did you do?

Sean: You don’t want to know. I’d try not to breath too much if I were you.

Shadowstrike: Moving on.

*He goes to yet another section of the ship. He doesn’t see anyone around. He breathes a sign of relief and sits down on the couch. Avi rushes into the room.*

Avi: Noooo!

Shadowstrike: What?!

Avi: Can’t you read the sign?

Shadowstrike: Sign? What sign?

*Avi takes out a sheet of poster paper and writes on it.*

Avi: This one of course!

*The sign says “Wet Paint”*

Shadowstrike: What the hell?

*Shadow gets up. The couch is covered in paint, and now so is Shadow.*

Shadowstrike: Why did you dump paint on the couch?

Avi: It’s not a couch anymore! The world is my canvas and I felt my creative self call out and desire this masterpiece. I call it “Drippy Comfort.”

Shadowstrike: I call it “Ruined Furniture.”

*Shadow leaves. He passes DK.*

Dark Knight: Hey Shadow!

Shadowstrike: What…

Dark Knight: Why is your ass blue?

Shadowstrike: Why are you staring at my ass?

Dark Knight: …

Shadowstrike: …

Dark Knight: This conversation didn’t happen.

*Shadow goes into the kitchen. He has a brief moment alone but then Rebel comes in and heads for the fridge.*

Shadowstrike: Hey Reb.

Rebel: Why aren’t you piloting?! Are we going to crash again? I DON’T WANT TO DIE! THERE IS STILL SO MUCH SODA LEFT FOR ME TO DRINK!

Shadowstrike: We’re on the ground.

Rebel: Oh. So what are you doing then?

Shadowstrike: I’ve been trying to read.

Rebel: Oh yeah? What is it?

Shadowstrike: It’s a self-help book. “The joy of a normal life and how to get it.”

*Rebel laughs uncontrolably for a good ten minutes.*

Rebel: With this crew? Good luck.

*Rebel leaves. It is now quiet. He glances at the book.*

Shadowstrike: Hmmm…

*Total silence*

Shadowstrike: Screw this. I’m gonna go mosh with Outlaw and Metabad.

The End

* * *

Infomercial
by Avi

Voice: ARTISTS! Tired of your eraser making a mess all over your masterpieces?! Sick of trying to erase in those hard to reach places?!

Avi: Hi, Morph Moth here with the AVI-RASER!

Avi: It’s a COMPLETELY and TOTALLY original project manufactured only in Germany, and is COMPLETELY and TOTALLY not some ordinary kneaded eraser I picked up from the local Walmart to sell at jacked-up prices! Oh, no. My product was manufactured EXCLUSIVELY in Ireland!

Outlaw: Wow, so how does it work?

Avi: Just squish it into the shape you want, then rub away! The putty-like compound allows you to mold it, tear it, and smush it back together! It’s so easy, even I can do it! Watch as I erase this raw sewage from this alligator’s back side!

*Avi begins using the eraser to do so–one change of camera angle later…*

Outlaw: *sparkly clean* Um… did I really have to take that shower just for this?

Avi: Yes–I-I mean, there was no shower, child, it was just… THE PATENTED AVI TECHNOLOGY, found exclusively in Norway, cleans your canvas so thoroughly, you’d swear you’d have taken it through the shower! See what MILLIONS of customers are saying about the Avi-raser!

Metabad: It… rawks, I guess.

Shadowstrike: Meh.

Majin: dis bbl gum taests funy

Dark Knight: Well, I suppose it could be wor–

Sean: *begins rubbing DK with the eraser*

*One change of camera angle later, and DK is nowhere to be found*

Sean: The Avi-raser… CHANGED. MY. LIFE.

Avi: That’s right! The Avi-raser can rub out people as well! Thus making it PERFECT for the Mafia, and for surgeons conducting amputations as well! With ordinary erasers, it would take HOURS to separate a pair of Siamese twins at the joint, and with a nasty mess to boot! But with the Avi-raser, it’s done in mere minutes, and without any of the mess!

Rebel, Outlaw, Majin, Shadowstrike, Metabad, Sean: …

Avi: I know what you’re thinking. Products like this would normally sell for over 300 zenny! But through this exclusive epilogue offer, you can get the Avi-raser for a measly 19.95!! But wait, there’s more!! Call within the next 15 minutes, and you’ll also receive… um…

Rebel: Receive what?

Avi: Um… I… hold on one second… *picks up the eraser, and takes a small piece off of it* …um… YEAH! Call within the next 15 minutes, and you’ll also receive the Avi-raser Jr.! It allows you to erase those tight spaces, and it’s great for the kids too! And that’s not all! You can combine it with the full-sized Avi-raser *molds the pieces back together* to form the GIANT Avi-raser! And all of this can be yours if you CALL NOW!

Rebel, Outlaw, Majin, Shadowstrike, Metabad, Sean: *collective groan*

Voice: To order, call 555-SCAM. The Avi-raser is manufactured EXCLUSIVELY in Portugal and is not available in stores. CALL NOW!

The End

(This short is dedicated to an artist’s most valuable tool–the kneaded eraser. Seriously, they’re awesome. -The Real Avi)

* * *

Unwilling Art
By Outlaw88

Rebel: I’ve told you twenty times already, I don’t want you drawing on me.

Avi: But why? I could do so much! The extra arms could symbolize how art can be an extra extension of the mind and body. The spikey tail is how art can be painful but rewarding!

Rebel: I think we need to get you some medication or something.

Avi: Come on, just a little doodle. How ’bout a happy face? It’ll be the the best happy face ever!

Rebel: Does it look like I need a happy face?

Avi: Yes, Mr. Grouchy, I think you do!

Rebel: Forget it.

Avi: It could be like a tatoo! I could make it a tough happy face! Tough guys get tattoos!

Rebel: What part of “No” didn’t you get?

Avi: He could have some barbed wire on him, and be wearing a side-ways hat. Ohhh it would be so tough and cute on you! Hold still.

Rebel: AHHHH!!!

*Rebel runs down the hall. Avi gives chase, still talking about the happy face.*

Rebel: I swear I’m going to throw away all her art supplies.

*Rebel can see that Outlaw is up ahead*

Rebel: Dude, you have to hide me. Avi has flipped out and is crazy intent on drawing on me and… What the hell happened to you?

*Outlaw is covered from head to toe in random drawings.*

Outlaw: What do you mean?

Rebel: She got to you already, I see.

Outlaw: Oh these. Neat huh?

Rebel: You’ve got to be kidding me. How could you just let her do that to you?

Outlaw: It’s not bad really. I like it.

Rebel: Just when I think I have you figured out, you go and do something weird.

Outlaw: Weird would be how that color is going to look when it dries. I have to say, neon orange is an interesting choice for your tail.

Rebel: What?!

*Avi is busy painting Rebel.*

Rebel: NOOOOOO!!!

*Rebel takes off. Avi once again follows*

Avi: Don’t go too fast or you’ll smear!

*Rebel hides behind a corner. He inspects his tail.*

Rebel: Ugh. This is going to take forever to come off.

Dark Knight: You got off light. At least she went with paint for you.

Rebel: Huh?

*DK is covered in plaster and is unable to move*

Dark Knight: She thought I’d look better as a statue. So instead of sculpting it from scratch she dumped me in this stuff.

Avi: And what a lovely piece of modern art you are! By the way, polka dots look good on you Rebel.

*Rebel looks down. He’s covered in spots.*

Rebel: Polka dots are not manly or tough.

Avi: Who said anything about that?

Rebel: You did.

Avi: I think I’d remember saying something about that.

Rebel: What about the happy face then?

Avi: What a great idea! That would go great as a face painting!

Rebel: Me and my big mouth.

The End

* * *

“Well, That’s Confusing”
By Sean

*Shadowstrike, Sean, and Outlaw are sitting at a table. Shadowstrike starts shuffling a deck of cards.*

Shadowstrike: So, everyone set on the rules now?

Sean: Are you sure those are correct? I really though that–

Outlaw: Look, I checked. No one has followed those rulings in twenty years.

Sean: Oh, that makes sense then. I don’t think I’ve played once in the past thirty.

*Suddenly Rebel rushes into the room*

Rebel: Is this room safe?

Shadowstrike: What are you talking about?

Rebel: I saw Avi carrying a few gallons of paint.

Shadowstrike: LOCK THE DOOR!

Sean: I really hope I don’t get like that when I’m old. *Everyone looks at him* What?

Outlaw: Actually, how old are you?

Shadowstrike: Yeah, you claim to be both from the era of Robot Masters and looked pretty human when we met you.

Sean: Let me think….

Rebel: You don’t know?

Sean: Well, I have not been conscious this whole time. I think I spent at least a decade frozen solid.

Outlaw: Okay that explains it.

Sean: And I don’t know how long in suspended animation. Then there was the three weeks I spent dead, four weeks of which I was a ghost.

Rebel: Four of three weeks?

Sean: Time travel. By the way, how do you count time travel? If you return to the same point you left does the time spent still count toward your age? Also do you count time spent in timelines that don’t exist or when time has been frozen?

Shadowstrike: What?

Sean: Then there were all the clone bodies and the robotic duplicates. The time my brain was scanned into a computer and copied. Or just times when my mind was uploaded to various computer networks. All the curses and blessings that I’ve gotten over the years as well keep changing my mortal state…

Rebel: Curses and blessings? I thought you had only one curse!

Sean: At the moment I’m pretty sure that was true… Actually what body am I in and am I currently the original ‘Sean’ now that you mention it? You said I seemed human, right?

Outlaw: Yeah…

Sean: Okay, good. That helps narrows things down… If I went back to my human form this might help, but then I’m not sure what phobias and psychological issues I’m currently suffering from. I think I got most cured.

Rebel: Most cured? Shouldn’t you know?

Sean: Therapy is too expensive to keep up with. Also traumatic events have caused me to to develop new ones or suffer from an old one again. Then I think I have also had some instilled by viruses as well and there was at least one time when that was something I created myself.

Shadowstrike: Don’t you have any ID? Or remember your birth date?

Sean: I’ve lost and gained so many licenses over the years. Also there were a few of the previously mentioned viruses, mind affecting enchantments, and just pain head trauma that has made it hard to remember. I have two forms of my latest ID, one for age says ‘enough’ and the other has a number that was randomly generated at the time.

Rebel: Remind me to not ask about your past again. It seems too confusing.

Sean: I really hope I am the only ‘Sean’ at this point in time.

Outlaw: Wouldn’t there be a chance the other one might be capable of giving us a straight answer.

Sean: Over sixty percent of the time when two of us have met, only one survives.

*Suddenly Avi bursts in the room*

Avi: I finally found you all! I think I found the perfect the perfect color and design for all of you! Just think of how the message we send to the populace as they see us victorious can be changed!

Shadowstrike: I thought I said to lock the door.

Rebel: I am the leader, I don’t have to follow orders. Besides Sean distracted us. *flees*

Outlaw: It can’t be too bad. Besides it makes her happy.

Shadowstrike: You and Sean can go first, then. *flees*

Sean: *Hides under his shell*

Avi: You know I heard everything you just said… *Starts staring at Sean’s shell* It’s so bright and shiny, just like life! The duality of the spiral can represent both the upward climb and the downward fall of society! And I know just how to make it more understandable! *Grabs a brush*

The End

Bermuda Shorts # 3

February 16, 2015

Insightful Thought #3
By Outlaw88

Narrator: And now, an insightful thought.

*Dramatic music*

Narrator: This week’s guest: Majin

Majin: ZZZZZZZZ… *gets poked with a stick* To dream is to follow your heart. To follow your heart is to go on with pride. To play with the world allows us to sleep with dignity. To be able to love is the highest gift of all.

To remember where you came from will help you not to lose where you are going.

Narrator: *Jawdrop*

Majin: I only had me a keg today. Not as buzzzzzzzzed yet.

Narrator: This has been an Insightful Thought.

The End

* * *

A Lifetime in Two Days
By Rebel40000

Dark Knight: *watching TV* Bleh, there’s nothing on. *changes the channel*

Salesman: *on TV* Heeey, there! Are you bored with your life?

Dark Knight: No, not really–

Salesman: Do you wish you could add some “fun” in your day?

Dark Knight: Well, maybe–

Salesman: Or at least find something good to watch on TV!?

Dark Knight: Um–

Salesman: Then try the “Super Turbo Remote Controller”! With this, you can flip through channels at light speed, until you find perfect channel meant for you!

Dark Knight: But I–

Salesman: How does it work? Simple! Just push the big red button on the remote and you will enter light speed, causing your TV to scroll through all of your channels faster than the blink of an eye! On top of that, utilizing the sensor on the remote’s button causes it to determine exactly what you want to watch!

Dark Knight: Sounds interesting, but–

Salesman: And we have a limited time offer! If you dial this number now *a number appears at the bottom of the screen* then you will receive the “Super Turbo Remote Controller” for absolutely free! That’s right, absolutely free for your entire lifetime!

Dark Knight: My entire lifetime!? I’m in! *grabs phone and starts dialing* Yeah, hello? I want that “Super Turbo Remote Controller” that is being sold for a whole free lifetime. Yeah, that one. All right, here is my mailing address and credit card number…

*Two weeks later…*

Dark Knight: *receives a package* All right! Light speed channel surfing, here I come! *opens box and finds a letter* Huh? A letter? *reads*

“Dear Dark Knight,

Thank you for purchasing the “Super Turbo Remote Controller”! We hope you enjoy the two free trial days that come with this fabulous gift! After the two free day trial, you will be automatically charge $35.98 every month. Enjoy!”

Dark Knight: WHAAAAAAAT!? I’ve been had!

*Doorbell rings*

Dark Knight: Now what? *opens door and finds two more packages addressed to him* What the Hell!? *opens them and finds similar letters charging him* I didn’t order these! Why those lousy… *sees the remote* Well, at least I’ve got the remote. Might as well check it out…

*Thus Dark Knight walks over to the living room and sits down in front of the TV.*

Dark Knight: All right, lightspeed surfing here I come! *presses the button and nothing happens* …What? *presses the button more* What is wrong with this thing!? Does it need batteries!?

*Panicking, Dark Knight grabs the remote to try and find the battery casing, only to find that there is none.*

Dark Knight: No… no… *gets on knees and clutches his head* NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

The End

* * *

Bedtime Story
By Outlaw88

*One night in the living room, Rebel, Outlaw, and Shadow were watching a movie.*

Shadowstrike: That car got crushed like it was tin foil!

Rebel: Hell yeah!

Outlaw: Did that guy’s head just explode?!

Rebel: Super Action Movie 5 is kick-ass awesome.

Shadowstrike: You said it!

*Avi enters*

Avi: What are you younguns doing up so late?

Rebel: What do you mean late?

Outlaw: Yeah, it’s only, like 11:30. This is early for us.

Avi: Yes I think you should get early starts in the morning, too.

Shadowstrike: I think her hearing went out. Go away Avi, we’re watching a movie here.

Avi: My hearing is just fine and I’ll hear no more arguing from the three of you. Time for bed. If you do it now I’ll read you a story.

Rebel: Go away, you crazy old coot.

Outlaw: Yeah this is the best part.

Avi: You asked for it.

*After several bashes to the head the three of them are tucked into bed.*

Rebel: Can either of you guys move?

Outlaw: Nope.

Shadowstrike: Nope.

Rebel: Damn… Why did she put Outlaw in the middle? You smell like a foot covered in cheese that was left out in the sun.

Shadowstrike: And since when did we own a bed this big?

Avi: Hush now, children. It’s story time!

Outlaw: Well, at least we’ll get some entertainment out of this.

*Avi sits down in a rocking chair. She pulls out and book and opens it.*

Shadowstrike: Uh, Avi, thats upside…

Avi: Hush now!

Rebel: Just shut up and let her read. The faster she gets done the faster she’ll leave.

Outlaw: So we hope.

Avi: *Ahem* Once upon a rock there was a time that rolled down a hill.

Rebel: What the hell? *gets bopped*

Avi: No swearing!

Shadowstrike: Ha ha, you got hit.

Avi: Quiet you.

Outlaw: Resume.

Avi: At the bottom of the hill was a giant ant named Biff. He has nothing to do with the hero of the pack of gum that was in peril of being hit by a golf club.

Shadowstrike: This is making my head hurt.

Avi: I told you to be quiet.

*Avi shoves a pacifier in Shadow’s mouth.*

Shadowstrike: MMMMMMMM!!!

Outlaw: This is so weird but strangly captivating.

Avi: On the far shore near the fire hydrant there was a magic pair of pants that went on a journy to find his lost pudding cup. He talked to the three knee’ed sloth about the times and the sea shell that once ate a monster truck.

Rebel: I am checking you in to a mental hospital you crazy… *gets bopped*

Avi: No interrupting!

Rebel: SON OF A… *gets bopped*

Avi: No swearing!

Shadowstrike: *sucksuck* Ya know… This isn’t so bad.

Rebel: I’m going to cripple you if you say that again.

Outlaw: So then what happened?

Avi: Right right. So anyway there was this fruit bat who knew the secrets of the forbidden paper clip. This made the cooking oil the president and the belly button lint became the answer to life itself. And they all lived happily ever after. The End.

Rebel: That was…

Shadowstrike: *Suck* Messed up.

Avi: Well that’s it. Good night children!

*Avi turns the lights off and leaves.*

Rebel: Ok she’s gone. Let’s get out of here.

Shadowstrike: *Sucksuck*

Rebel: Spit that out!

Shadowstrike: Awww…

Rebel: Ok, cut us out of here Outlaw.

Shadowstrike: Outlaw?

Outlaw: Zzzzzzzzzzz…

The End

* * *

Unspirited
By Outlaw88

*In the living room area DK and Shadow are playing the Ghostbusters video game*

Dark Knight: YEAH! Trapped another one.

Shadowstrike: Causing massive property damage is fun.

Dark Knight: It really is true. Busting makes you feel good.

Shadowstrike: I don’t know. Something about this doesn’t seem right.

Dark Knight: What the hell are you talking about? What can be wrong with us zapping ghosts?

Shadowstrike: *Pauses the game* Don’t some ghosts deserve some peace after death?

Dark Knight: What?!

Shadowstrike: What if a ghost was just hanging around not bothering anybody? Why would they trap it?

Dark Knight: Look, once you die and wind up a ghost you have no rights. They can shoot you, trap you, and put you in a containment unit, and charge an obscene amount of money for it.

Shadowstrike: What ever happened to respect for the dead?

Dark Knight: Screw that, its all about living.

Shadowstrike: If I died and became a ghost, would you…

Dark Knight: In a heartbeat.

Shadowstrike: You would zap me and trap me?!

Dark Knight: Yes, and if you don’t un-pause the game I’ll make sure it happens soon.

*Shadow gets the game going again.*

Shadowstrike: You’re evil.

Dark Knight: I know.

The End

* * *

Surprise Surprise
By Rebel40000

Metabad: It could be worse.

Sean: *shocked* Ow.

Metabad: It could be worse.

Sean: *shocked* Ow.

Metabad: It could be worse.

Sean: *shocked* Ow.

Metabad: It could be worse.

Sean: *shocked* Ow.

Metabad: It could be worse.

Sean: *shocked* Ow.

Metabad: It could be worse.

Sean: *shocked* Damn it, that’s it. I am sick of getting shocked!

Metabad: Soooooo?

Sean: So, I am going to teach you some manners in proper etiquette!

Metabad: No way, man! NO WAY!! *gets dragged off by Sean*

*A shortwhile later, in a make-shift classroom*

Sean: …And that is that. Questions?

Metabad: *raises hand*

Sean: Yes?

Metabad: So, do I haaaaave to say hello?

Sean: *facepalms* At this rate, I am going to end up like Majin… Look, let me get down to the basics here. Whenever you first meet someone, the proper thing to do is give that person a friendly greeting, which means NOT shocking them or activating their curse and causing pain and misfortune on them…

Metabad: *blinks*

Dark Knight: *sneaks up behind Sean*

Metabad: *blinks*

Sean: …Because, if you were to act in such a manner toward people on a regular basis, then…

Metabad: *blinks*

Dark Knight: *readies self*

Metabad: *blinks*

Sean: …Thus no good will ever come from this current behavior. Any comments?

Metabad: He’s got a bazooka!

Sean: Wait what–

KABOOM!!

Dark Knight: Mwahahahah! *runs out of the classroom*

Metabad: So do I pass, teach!?

Sean: *is in pieces on the floor* Yeah… sure… whatever…

Metabad: RAWKIN’!! *rawks out of the classroom*

Sean: I… hate… my life…

Metabad: *pokes head back in* It could be worse.

Sean: *shocked* Damn it…

The End

Bermuda Shorts # 2

February 14, 2015

Insightful Thought #2
By Outlaw88

Narrator: And now, an insightful thought.

*Dramatic music*

Narrator: This week’s guest: Metabad.

Metabad: Wut?

Narrator: This is where you tell us what’s on your mind.

Metabad: Orite. Here goes:

Ok see this one time I was all like WHOA cuz we did some stuff and RAWKED at it. We fought stuff destroyed stuff and yeah we good.

Narrator: Wut?

Metabad: It’s true!!! I told em I was like this awesome guy then me and Rebel did a high five and kicked evil right square in the circle! Also triangle and octogon!

Narrator: This has been an Insightful Thought.

Metabad: Did I tell you about the time I got a chicken tender stuck up my nose?

Narrator: Help.

The End

* * *

That Old Class Project
By Rebel40000

Avi: Okie-dokie, kids, today we are going to be starting an experiment!

Rebel: No.

Shadowstrike: Yes.

Rebel: WHO GAVE YOU PERMISSION TO SPEAK!?

Sean: What kind of experiment is it?

Avi: We’re going to raise butterflies!

Dark Knight: …You mean, what we did as little kids back in elementary school?

Avi: YES!!

Metabad: DO WANT.

Outlaw: Aww, little butterflies can be so cu…rly. Yeah. Wasn’t gonna say cute. Nope.

Majin: wanta fanta?

Shadowstrike: *imagines being surrounded by Fanta girls* Mm-hmm.

Avi: So it’s decided! Let’s get staaaaaarteeeeeeeeed!

*Day 1*

Avi: First, we must give our caterpillars lots and lots of water!

Sean: …Huh? Wouldn’t that be kinda unnecessary?

Avi: Nonsense! We need lots of water for them, son! Or else they will shrivel up and die! *to Rebel, Shadowstrike, and Dark Knight* You three! Get water, now!

Rebel, Shadowstrike, Dark Knight: Yes, ma’am…

*Day 3*

Shadowstrike: Avi! Rebel knocked over my caterpillar container!

Rebel: NUH-UH.

Shadowstrike: UH-HUH.

Avi: Now, now, boys! Settle down! Shadow, I’m certain your little caterry-pillarly-poo will be all right.

Dark Knight: It looks like it’s having a seizure.

Avi: That’s just your imagination, silly boy! Now get more water, posthaste!

Rebel, Shadowstrike, Dark Knight: Yes, ma’am…

*Day 6*

Outlaw: Oh boy, I wonder how my caterpillar is doing? *looks* OH NO IT’S GONE!!

Metabad: WHAT!? MINE TOO!! ALL THAT’S LEFT IS SOME ROCK ATTACHED TO THE ROOF OF THE CONTAINER!!

Outlaw: SAME HERE!!

Metabad: THIS AIN’T RAWKIN’, MAN!! NOT. RAWKIN’.

Sean: … *facepalms*

*Day 10*

Avi: Well, children! Our caterpillars have become beautiful butterflies! Take a look-see!

Everyone else: Cool!

Avi: Some of the results have proven to be quite… interesting! Look, Rebel’s caterpillar turned into a Butterfree!

Butterfree: BUTTERFREE!!

Rebel: First Digimon and now Pokemon!?

Avi: And Dark Knight’s became the legendary Mothra!

Mothra: *unleashes a blast of energy*

Dark Knight: HOLY SHIT!!

Avi: Shadow, your butterfly is in actuality a butterfly tattoo! And, um… it’s on a bucket! *lifts a bucket up*

Shadowstrike: … *grabs the bucket and puts it on* …Yay.

Sean: What’s mine?

Avi: Yours is the unlucky butterfly! It’s filled with all sorts of bad luck-goodness.

Sean: Wow, that’s uh… great? I think… *gets shocked for no reason* AHHHH!!

Avi: And Metabad, your butterfly is the “magic butterfly”. Whenever you touch it, it will make you feel good.

Metabad: Like this? *touches it and starts having an acid trip* Whoa… this rawks…

Majin: wat bout me?

Avi: Uh… Yeah… Your butterfly is… some sort of abomination not known to mankind. It’s kinda creepy, actually.

Monster Butterfly: RAAAAAAAGH!! *acid dribbles out of its mouth*

Majin: sca-ree

Outlaw: Oh man! I can’t wait to see my awesome butterfly! What is it!? What did it become!?

Avi: Yours? Lessee here… yours is that normal one in the corner.

Outlaw: A normal one? Mine is… normal?

Avi: Yuuuuuuuup.

Outlaw: *stares at it with loving eyes*

Monster Butterfly: *smashes it* RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!

Outlaw: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

Sean: So what about yours, Avi?

Rebel: Her’s is the biggest freak of them all.

Avi: *hits Rebel with a rolled-up newspaper* Bad boy! Don’t talk bad about my butterfly!

Mini-Avi: Feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Majin: sca-ree

Avi: Now, now, it’s okay. Avi will take good care of you!

Majin: sca-ree

Mini-Avi: Feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Dark Knight: Don’t we have to release them now?

Avi: What?

Shadowstrike: I think at the end of the experiment we set them off into the wild.

Avi: NO!! I mean… we can’t! We worked so hard to make them what they are!

Majin: sca-ree

Outlaw: (I think Majin’s stuck again, guys.)

Metabad: (Bet he was traumatized by his unrawkin’ butterfly.)

Rebel: Well, if you aren’t gonna release them, Avi, then I will! *opens the box they are contained in*

Butterflies: *flies away*

Avi: AHH!! HOW COULD YOU!? COME BAAAAACK!! *flies after them*

Everyone else: …

*Later, on the news…*

Anchorman: Earlier today, a bunch of butterflies attacked Megalopolis. Currently the damage is a record-breaker, higher than any other disaster that has hit the city before. Possibly the most dangerous of the butterflies, however, is a Reploid-ish one that is chasing the rest. We will now show you live footage.

Avi: DON’T RUN AWAY LITTLE BUTTERFLIES!! I PROMISE I WON’T HURT YOOOOUUU!!

Anchorman: Frightening.

The End

* * *

Test Drive
By Outlaw88

*One fine day Sean and Shadow decided to get some practice piloting the Dragonzord. They both agreed that it would be a good idea to learn as much as they could about the amazing abilities of the Zord, in case they ever needed it. Unfortunatly they were forced to bring along somebody else.*

Outlaw: Can I drive?

Sean: No.

Outlaw: Pleeeeeeease?

Sean: NO!

Shadowstrike: Why did we bring him along again? He’s making it stink in here.

Sean: We had to bring him to make sure he’d keep quite.

Outlaw: Yup! Blackmail can be fun!

Shadowstrike: How did you find this anyway?

Outlaw: You hid it in a giant box marked brussle sprouts. If it’s food I’m going to look.

Sean: Whatever. Just as long as you keep it from everybody else. ESPECIALLY Rebel.

Outlaw: Sure, sure. Can I drive now?

Sean: Shut up man. Ok Shadow, make this thing do some slick combat moves.

*Shadow makes the Dragonzord increase its speed and proceeds to do some kickass stuff!*

Dragonzord: ROOOOOARRR!

Sean, Shadowstrike, Outlaw: WOOOOOO!!!!

Shadowstrike: DO A BARREL ROLL!

*Amazingly the Dragonzord does.*

Sean: Holy crap!

Outlaw: That was fun!

Shadowstrike: Guess I got a little carried away there.

Sean: Ya think!?

*Sean smacks Shadow*

Sean: You call yourself a pilot…

Shadowstrike: *Tear*

Outlaw: Can I drive now?

Sean and Shadowstrike: NO!

Outlaw: Why not? I used to drive a tank, so whats the problem?

Sean: Well for starters you crashed that tank and its broken forever. You also filled the tank’s control room with mud!

Outlaw: It was comfortable!

Shadowstrike: Plus when it was working, you ran into everything.

Outlaw: Aw come on guys! I swear I’ll be careful with this thing.

Sean: Well…

Outlaw: Pleeeeeeeeeease?

Shadowstrike: It might be useful to have a backup pilot.

Sean: Fine.

Outlaw: WooT!

*They switch positons. After a brief explanation of how the steering worked they let Outlaw have a try.*

Sean: Not bad for a beginner.

Outlaw: Check this out!

*The Dragonzord Moonwalks*

Shadowstrike: Dude! That was badass!

Sean: Oh hell no!

Outlaw: Huh? I thought I was doing good.

Sean: This isn’t a toy! If you can’t be serious then I can’t let you drive.

*Sean shoves Outlaw out of the way and tries to rush at the controls but trips over Shadow who had to react to avoid getting hit. Sean lands face first onto the panel.*

Shadowstrike: CRAAAAAAAAAP!!

*The Dragonzord is upsidedown and somehow doing a jig.*

Sean: You guy will never let me live this down huh?

Shadow and Outlaw: Nope.

The End

* * *

Punkin
By Outlaw88

*On the Whale King. Kitchen. Rebel is holding a large pumpkin*

Rebel: This thing will make the best jack-o-lantern ever! The ancient Halloween Spirits are sure to give me tons of candy this year. Name brand too! Not that generic crap candy that they give you in little paper bags…

*Suddenly Metabad bursts through the room being chased by Shadow*

Shadowstrike: I WILL KILL YOU!

Metabad: Chill man! Chill!

*They bump into Rebel, making him toss the pumpkin high in the air.*

Rebel: WHAT THE HELL?!

Shadow and Metabad: He started it!

Shadowstrike: You drank all the chocolate milk!

Metabad: You ate all the cookies!

Rebel: I don’t care who did what just get out of the–*SPLAT*

*The pumpkin lands on Rebel’s head. He tries to take it off but can’t! His head is really stuck!*

Rebel: MMNMNMMMMNMMMMHM!

Shadowstrike: Think we should help?

Metabad: Maybe if we do he’ll make that into a pie! Pie RAWKS!

*They try to yank the pumpkin off but fail.*

Metabad: That’s really on there…

Rebel: MMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!! …

Shadowstrike: What?

*Rebel takes a swing at Shadow but misses.*

Shadowstrike: Ok, ok I got an idea.

*Shadow carves a face into the pumpkin*

Rebel: *GASP* GET THIS THING OFFA ME!!!!!

Metabad: We tried! It’s too stuck. Maybe you have a fat head?

Rebel: WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?!

Shadowstrike: Calm down dude. We’ll think of something.

Pumpkin: Ah, my face has returned.

Rebel: Did this thing just talk?!

Metabad: I think I’m about to do something involuntarily…

Pumpkin: Yes, it is good to see and talk again. Now to summon my body.

*A tall figure made of tree branches walks up, easily removes the pumpkin and places it in the proper spot.*

Shadowstrike: So… scared… right… now…

Rebel: Um… Thanks?

Jack: No, thank you. My name is Jack. Jack Pumpkinhead. Well, it’s time to Return to Oz.

*Jack disapears*

Rebel: That was… strange.

Shadowstrike: Still… scared…

*A short, stout robot marches in*

Tik-Tok: Hello, I’m Tik-Tok. Have you seen my friend Jack?

Metabad: Do you think the universe hates us?

Rebel: Yes.

The End

* * *

“#9 Dream”
by Avi

Majin: *with a controller* whooo I’mma playin Megermanz 9 *hic* eat dis, Jool Man!

Mega Man: *fires a black hole bomb*

Jewel Man: *explodes, dropping a mysterious piece of hardware*

Majin: Oooooooo I 1der wut dis doohickey duz??? Letz ass Dokter Light

Dr. Light: …Oh my. According to the analysis, the robot you just defeated has passed its expiration date… in fact; it was scheduled to have been scrapped years ago!

Roll: It’s sad, but unfortunately, it’s the law. When a robot can no longer perform its sole assigned task at peak efficiency…

Majin: hey that’s not cool yo

Dr. Light: Which reminds me, Roll. Happy birthday! *hands her a box*

Roll: *squeals, bearing a big, stupid smile* For me? *tears it open* My, what a beautiful hatchet! Thank you, daddy. THANK YOU! Except… what would I use it for? I mean, I’m a housekeeping robot.

Dr. Light: NOT ANYMORE YOU’RE NOT! *tears the hatchet out of Roll’s hands* HAPPY EXPIRATION DAY, DAUGHTER DEAREST! *uses the axe to “shut down” Roll*

Majin: … *drops his controller*

Mega Man: …W…why? *aims his buster at Light* Why, Dr. Light?

Dr. Light: Heh heh heh… go on, shoot. But good luck breaking Asimov’s Laws! The very mindset I programmed into you… you are, after all, a robot–nothing more than a mere tool to be used by us humans.

Mega Man: I… *sniff*

Dr. Light: Yes, cry. Cry those artificial tears! They are like nectar to me. Your sorrow is my sustenance! My power! CRY, MY PUPPET! THERE IS NO HEAVEN OR HELL FOR SOULLESS MACHINES LIKE YOU, ONLY DREARY NONEXISTENCE!

Majin: …I… no wants ta play tis game n e moore… *goes to pull the plug*

Dr. Light: … *turns to the screen* You can’t run from your fate, Wire Sponge. Wouldn’t you know, tomorrow is YOUR expiration date?

Majin: hunh

Dr. Light: You will be shut down. There is no escape. NO ESCAPE! MWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA…

*And then Majin woke up on the floor in a hangover, with nine empty beer bottles at his side. Yet, he could still hear the deranged laughter of his nightmarish incarnation of Dr. Light echoing in the back of his mind…*

Majin: Ugh… *goes to reach for another bottle*

Avi: *entering the room* Oh my… Majin, I could hear you groaning in your sleep. Was it another bad dream?

Majin: Well, yes… Dr. Light was there, and… and… I can’t say it! I can’t say it! I can’t… say it…

Avi: Awww… *comforts Majin and gently helps him up off the floor, to the bed* I’m so sorry, dear… *tucks him in under a large sheet of paper with a sketch of a blanket on it* Don’t worry, it was aaaaall in your mind. Not. Real. Take it from the moth who talks to her furniture!

Majin: But… robot expiration dates… what if you, and I…

Avi: …Robot expiration dates? HAH! I passed mine decades ago, sonny. Yet here I am! My body may be old, but my mind… um… well… is at the pinnacle of its artistic ingenuity! …Yeah. Totally.

Majin: So robot expiration dates are nothing to worry about, then… ugh, I still need a beer.

Avi: No you don’t, kiddo! We all keep saying–lay off the liquor before bed. It doesn’t help with the nightmares, you know. So for now, rest easy, and know that everything is going to be alright. And soon enough, the Sandman will come to whisk you away to the land of sweet dreams…

*Hours later…*

Majin: *sleeping comfortably and peacefully*

Flannery: SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND!! *sprinkles some in Majin’s eyes*

Majin: OH GOD SLDKFJSKLDFJSDLKFJSLKDFjslkdfjsldfj

The End

Bermuda Shorts #1

February 12, 2015

The Bermuda Shorts series was a bunch of short skits made by the team simply to have fun. There were four in the series. Once these have been posted that will do it for the Code: Island Attacker archive.

Insightful Thought #1
By Outlaw88

Narrator: And now, an insightful thought.

*Dramatic music*

Narrator: This week’s guest: Dead Man.

Dead Man: …

Narrator: This has been an insightful thought.

The End

* * *

“ABC”
By Outlaw88

Narrator: Now its time for something fun!

Rebel: I’ll bet…

Narrator: It’s the ABC’s with Rebel!

Rebel: Why am I doing this?

Narrator: Community service.

Rebel: Ugh. Fine…

A is for: Ass-kicking. The thing I do best.

B is for: Beer. Majin’s drink of choice.

C is for: Coke! Like I’d say something different.

D is for: Donald and his stupid hair.

E is for: Evil. For a better word see “P”

F is for: Flannery. Sand crazy is the tip of the iceberg.

G is for: Gator. My smelly friend.

H is for: Hell. I’m in it while doing this…

I is for: Idiot. Most of my team embodies this.

J is for: Jack. My awesome skeleton friend.

K is for: Kick-ass ninja skillz!

L is for: Lollipop. Don’t judge me. Their good.

M is for: Majin. Cuz I can’t think of anything better.

Majin: Awwwww. I make sad face now… :(

Rebel: N is for: Noogies! I give them to Shadow!

O is for: Online. Where we live. Technically… I’m breaking the fourth wall again aren’t I?

P is for: Pepsi. Pure evil.

Q is for: Quick! Hand me a Coke!

R is for: RAWK! That’s what I do!

S is for: Super Awesome Fighting Force!

T is for: Totally need another Coke right now.

U is for: Undisputed King of Cool. AKA me.

V is for: Vengeance. I’ll have it soon. Make me do the alphabet will ya you lousy… *mutter mutter mutter*

W is for: Waldo. Why can’t I ever find him!?

X is for: X-Hunters. A pain in the ass from day one.

Y is for: Yuber. My sworn enemy.

Z is for: Zilch. I’ve got nothing for this.

Narrator: Thanks Rebel! See you next time folks.

Rebel: Headbutt a bullet.

The End

* * *

Indigestion
By Outlaw88

*One fine day*

Metabad: DUUUUDE! You gotta play me on this!

Shadowstrike: We’ve been playing this same tired SNES for like 5 hours. Don’t you have a newer system?

Metabad: I used to. I had some RAWKIN stuff right here in front of the couch, but…

Majin: I’VE LOST MY BUTT!

Shadowstrike: He threw up on it huh?

Metabad: Yup.

*Outlaw walks in*

Outlaw: *Buuuuuuuuurp* Yo.

Metabad and Shadowstrike: Sup?

Outlaw: Just had a drinking contest with Rebel.

Majin: Drink?! I’d love one! *runs into a wall*

Shadowstrike: Who won?

Outlaw: We ran out so it was a draw. I’m feelin’ kinda funny though.

Metabad: You don’t look like a clown!

Shadowstrike: (Thank God for that…) Why?

Outlaw: I dunno… I don’t think I’ve had this much carbonation before… HIC!

*An Xbox apperas in front of Metabad*

Metabad: ZOMG!!!!!!

Outlaw: Huh… That was weird… HIC!

*A brick appears and lands on Majin’s head*

Shadowstrike: Outlaw?

Outlaw: Yeah?

Shadowstrike: How are you doing that?

Outlaw: Doing what? HIC!

*A bucket lands on Shadow*

Shadowstrike: THAT!

Outlaw: Beats me.

Metabad: *Dancing with the Xbox* Dude! You RAWK! What else can you make?

Outlaw: I just told you I have no i… HIC!

*A flower pot explodes*

Shadowstrike: It seems everytime you hiccup something happens.

Outlaw: You know… I’ve never had the hiccups before.

Metabad: Are you magic?

Majin: Trick poney…

Outlaw: I don’t think so.

Metabad: Did you eat all the Lucky Charms?

Outlaw: We have Lucky Charms?! HIC!

*Giant rubber duck appears on the ocean*

Shadowstrike: I’ve got it! Remember way back when Rebel and I tried to blow up a Pepsi factory*?

*See Series 2, Epilogue #14, “The Really Effed Up Misadventure”

Outlaw: A little.

Shadowstrike: Remember that thing you ate? What was its name…

Majin: Chocolate… Factory…

Metabad: Wonka?

Shadowstrike: No, no no… Charlie! Do you remember that?

Outlaw:… Um… OH YEAH! That mutant goldfish thing! It granted wishes!

Shadowstrike: Right! So maybe you absorbed some of its power.

Outlaw: That sounds weird.

Rebel: What the hell is going on in here?!

Metabad, Shadowstrike, Outlaw: OH CRAP!

Majin: SPRINKLES!

Rebel: I need a Coke and I need one right now! I’ll start slicing off limbs if I don’t get…

Outlaw: HIC!

*Giant Coke can lands on Rebel*

Rebel: I WILL KILL… Wait… YES! This is so cool! *dives in*

Shadowstrike: Let’s leave.

Metabad: K.

Outlaw: First I shoot lasers out of my mouth and now this… Why do I have to be the vessel for the strange?

Shadowstrike: Just lucky I guess.

Outlaw: Speaking of that… Let’s go eat cereal.

Metabad and Shadowstrike: WOOOOO!

The End

* * *

Crash Diet
By Rebel40000

*On the Whale King*

Rebel: So, recently I’ve gotten into dieting.

Shadowstrike: *piloting* Really? You don’t look the type.

Rebel: Shut up. So, as I was saying, I’ve gotten into dieting.

Shadowstrike: So what exactly have you been doing?

Rebel: Well, I decided to completely stop taking anything that has Vitamin B in it.

Shadowstrike: Cool. Feel any difference?

Rebel: No, not really. Although, I think if I keep up the pace I’ll eventually feel somethi–*passes out on top of Shadow*

Shadowstrike: *eyes get covered* I CAN’T SEE!! *drives ship into a volcano*

*The volcano erupts upon impact*

Shadowstrike: *gets covered in magma* OH MY GOD REBEL WAKE UUUUUUUUP!!

Rebel: *also covered in magma* …

Shadowstrike: AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

*The screen suddenly blinks and goes black like a television turning off. In place of the previous screen a man in a suit appears, sitting on a stool.*

Man: The moral of this story? If you diet you will crash into an erupting volcano.

The End

* * *

“Hangman”
By Avi

Avi: Alright, kids, it’s six o’ clock! It’s time for…

Dark Knight: …Bed. It’s 12:40 AM. Learn to read the damn clock, you senile old hag.

Avi: Manners, please! I ain’t blind, son. *points to a print of Salvador Dali’s La Persistencia de la Memoria—AKA “that painting with the melting clocks”*

Shadowstrike: …Yeah… should we tell her?

Avi: Nope, nope, don?t say a word. Trust me, kid, it’s six o’ clock. In fact, it’s been 6:00 ever since I hung this painting on the wall eight and a half hours ago.

Sean: …

Rebel: …

Majin: …derrr nawt evven me zat delushionul *hic*

Outlaw: Give the old lady a break, guys. You know she has trouble discerning artwork from reality…

Metabad: …WHOA WAIT. If it is 6:00 now, and was 6:00 when she put the painting up all those hours ago… then she has… the ability to stop time?! DUDE, THAT RAWKS! *rawks*

Sean: Or maybe the clock in the painting just needs new batteries. Who can say.

Dark Knight: Or maybe it needs a… jolt of electricity…

Avi: Ooooooookay, before we get into another gag at the snail child’s expense… as I was saying, it’s 6:00. That means it’s time for… HANGMAN!

Rebel: Hangman, you say? Oh, what the hell. I do fancy myself a good public execution every once in a while. *sips coke*

Dark Knight: Me too. I just love watching people suffer… TEE HEE!

Avi: No, no, no! The idea is to save Hangman from such a cruel fate! And he can only be saved if one utters the magic word…

*Avi produces a marker, and begins drawing on the wall.*

_ _ _ _ _

Avi: Alright, class. The category is “food.” Guess one letter at a time, 123go!

*There is a brief silence. Evidentally, most of the team aren’t even interested in playing.*

Majin: *snores, while passed out atop the table*

Avi: Why, yes! There are two Z’s!

_ _ Z Z _

Metabad: Yo, be right back you guys, I gots to go peeeeeeee… *rawks his way to the restroom*

Avi: One “P!”

P _ Z Z _

Dark Knight: “R.”

Avi: …Ack! Watch it! *draws Hangman’s head on the gallows* Please, only two more letters to go! You can still save the poor guy…

Rebel: “Q.”

Avi: NO! Please, be serious! Hangman’s life is depending on your guesses, people!

Rebel: “No”, you say? There is a Q. There is because I say so. Leader privileges and all that. *grins fiendishly*

Avi: *drawing Hangman’s torso* …Be serious, boy! Do you honestly think there is a “Q” is “PIZZA”?!

Rebel: Yes. Now be a good little follower and put that Q up there!

Avi: Mumble mumble… *draws a line on the end of Hangman’s circular torso, to make it look like a “Q”*

Shadowstrike: Wow, you gave Hangman a whole extra limb for one wrong guess? You must really want him dead!

Avi: *looks at her Q, then back at Rebel* You-you’re tricking me into killing Hangman… aren’t you… you monster…!

Rebel: *sips coke in the most suspiciously innocent fashion possible*

Shadowstrike: Oh, and I know what the answer is. POTATO!

Dark Knight: No, it’s POP CORN!

Majin: …beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeer…

Avi: …What’s wrong with you people? I thought that I was the delusional one ’round here!

Sean: You know, in Hangman, when you guess the whole word wrong… don’t you think you should add a limb for each wrong letter? Sure, Shadow got the A, and we already have the P, but the rest of the letters make… 7 incorrect guesses.

Outlaw: Oooooh… alas, poor Hangman, I knew ye well. …Can I have his remains?

Avi: … *twitch*

Sean: What? Outlaw’s eaten worse before.

Avi: … *turns red*

Everyone else: …

Avi: …DO YOU INSOLENT CHILDREN NOT UNDERSTAND? HANGMAN IS NO MERE GAME. AN INNOCENT LIFE WAS AT STAKE, AND YOU LET HIM DIE WITH YOUR SHEER LACK OF COMMON SENSE. YOU’RE ALL A BUNCH OF BLOODTHIRSTY MURDERERS, YOU HEAR?! I HOPE YOU’RE ALL HAPPY WITH YOURSELVES, AND I HOPE YOU ALL ROT IN HELL. AND WHEN YOU?RE THERE, I HOPE YOU RUN INTO THE HANGMAN YOU JUST KILLED SO YOU CAN SEE HIS SORROW FOR YOURSELF–yeah, I’m pretty sure you’ll find him in hell, seeing as how he was at the gallows that would suggest he committed some sort of offense that would no doubt warrant capital punishment–but um… wait, did I just contradict myself? Who cares. Because you’re all monsters and I never want to see any of you ever again!! *flies away*

*Later, at the graveyard…*

Avi: *finishes scribbling on one of the graves* All done… rest easy, sweet prince…

Here lies
Green Biker Dude HANGMAN
21XX – 21XX

The End

Ring Warrior

February 7, 2015

*Written by Outlaw88*

Rebel: I said get out! Leave me alone!

Outlaw: Fine…

*Outlaw sadly walks to his own room and closes the door behind him. He picks up a framed picture that shows the team doing a funny pose.*

Outlaw: I guess that’s it then. No one cares anymore.

*With a sigh he puts the picture back down. He then gets a duffel bag and begins to gather some of his belongings.*

Outlaw: I did my best to keep things together but it wasn’t enough. I’ve let them down. But… What should I…

*Outlaw sees his Pro Reploid Wrestling poster on the wall and an idea hits him.*

Outlaw: Yeah… Why not? All I need is a costume and find a place that will train me.

*He leaves his room to find materials. A few days later…*

Outlaw: That was tougher than I thought but it’s done.

*He stuffs the costume in the duffel bag. He is about to leave his room but glances at the picture. He picks it up and puts it in the duffel bag and heads for the exit. He passes Metabad and Majin.*

Metabad: I’m telling you, it wasn’t really butter.

Majin: I no believe you. Hic!

*They see Outlaw as he starts to open the door. Metabad notices the duffel bag.*

Metabad: Hey man, where are you going?

Outlaw: I’m going to live the dream, dude.

*Outlaw jumps out.*

Metabad: I wonder if he knew we were flying.

Outlaw: *free-falling* WEEEEE!!! I’m pretty sure we were flying low enough to not make the emergency device go off so that’s good. What’s bad is that I can’t see the lake I was aiming for through all these clouds. Eh, I’m sure it will be fine.

*After clearing the clouds he sees the ground fast approaching.*

Outlaw: Aw cr–*BAM!*–ap… Ow…

*He gets up and dusts himself off. After climbing out of the crater he made he sees that he isn’t far from the city. He heads in.*

Outlaw: Now to find a gym that trains for the P.R.W. Now where did I put that map?

*Outlaw searches his bag and eventually finds a piece of paper. There are names and locations listed on it…*

Outlaw: Ok now, let’s see…

*A loud clap of thunder breaks his concentration and rain comes pouring down. Outlaw’s map is instantly soaked and ruined before he has a chance to read it. He gives a shrug and starts walking.*

Outlaw: I’ve been meaning to explore this city anyway. How hard can it be to find a wrestling gym?

*Several hours of wandering in the rain later…*

Outlaw: Man, this city is built like a maze. I am so lost.

*As he passes a lamp post he notices an ad.*

Outlaw: Score!

*The ad reads: Do you want to pursue a life of sports entertainment? Are you looking for a new life? Are you willing to put your body in harms way in highly dangerous, almost suicidal, levels of competition? *

Outlaw: Yeah!

*Ad: Then join us at the Bone Crusher Wrestling Gym! We’ll make you scream for mercy. We are conveniently located right behind you. *

Outlaw: Huh?

*Sure enough, there it is. Outlaw grins and walks inside. There are several wrestling rings and plenty of exercise equipment. There are lots of other reploids training in various ways.*

Outlaw: Awesome.

*He is approached by an old man.*

Man: Hey! Stop standing there looking stupid and get a towel! Stop dripping on my floor and blocking my door!

Outlaw: Sorry!

*Outlaw walks to the corner and pulls out a towel from his bag. The old man has followed him.*

Man: What brings you here?

Outlaw: I want to be a wrestler!

Man: No, I mean, what brought you here to be a wrestler? Are you running from something? No family? No friends? No ideas for the future?

Outlaw: All of the above.

Man: Good! That gives us the best results!

Outlaw: Say… You look familiar. Have I seen you before?

Man: I’m sure you have. In my prime I was on top; world champion, main events in sold out arenas all over the world, fame and fortune. Now I’m a broken down old man. I’m Randy “The Ram” Robinson and this is my gym.

Outlaw: Wow! It’s an honor to meet you!

*Outlaw extends his hand. Randy takes it and hurls Outlaw into a ring.*

Randy: Save it kid. Its time for the test.

Outlaw: Test?

Randy: If you really want to be a wrestler, you’re going to have to learn how to take pain. Lots of it. BOYS!

*All the other students and trainers enter the ring and surround Outlaw.*

Outlaw: *Gulp*

Randy: The kid here says he wants to be a wrestler. Educate him.

*Two hours of being pummeled and body slammed later…*

Randy: You still want to be a wrestler, kid?

Outlaw: YEAH! This is great! Can we do that again?

Randy: You heard him.

*Another two hours of chair shots, pile drivers and power bombs later.*

Outlaw: I can’t feel my legs. This rules!!!

Trainer: This guy is unreal. He’s enjoying it!

Randy: That’s enough. There’s something different about you, kid.

Outlaw: I’ve taken a lot of beatings over the years.

Randy: I see potential in you, kid. I’m personally going to train you and give you the skills and ability to succeed. I’m a tough teacher so it won’t be easy. What do you say?

Outlaw: YES!

Randy: Good! We’ll start first thing tomorrow.

*Randy and Outlaw walk to one of the benches, and watch some of the other students train.*

Outlaw: You really see potential in me?

Randy: Sure. For starters, you’re big.

Outlaw: What does that matter? That little guy over there looks like the most talented person in here.

Randy: In wrestling, the big guy is always pushed before the smaller guy. No matter how untalented they may be.

Outlaw: That doesn’t make much sense to me.

Randy: This is pro wrestling. Don’t think too deep into this, kid.

Outlaw: I’ll try.

Randy: I also think you have a good personality. A good character will always get you far.

Outlaw: Thanks! I’ve got a costume too, want to see?

Randy: First off, it’s not called a “costume,” it’s your ring gear. Second, we’ll provide you with something professional. Most rookies make their gear out of tin foil and string anyway.

Outlaw: And glitter.

Randy: What?

Outlaw: Nothing.

Randy: Go and get some sleep. Tomorrow is going to be a long day for you.

*Outlaw exits the gym. The rain has stopped and dusk is turning into night.*

Outlaw: Hmm. I didn’t give much thought on a place to sleep.

*While trying to think of what to do, he glances at the street. The manhole catches his eye.*

Outlaw: That’ll do.

*Outlaw pries the cover off and enters the sewer. It is dimly lit with an old lighting system. He sets up a hammock and quickly falls asleep. The next day…*

Randy: Welcome to day one of your training. I expect you to give it your all and I’ll accept nothing less.

Outlaw: Yes sir!

Randy: Here’s your gear. Put it on and keep it on. From now on you live that character.

Outlaw: That was fast.

*He puts on his ring gear.*

Randy: Now we need a name.

Outlaw: Oh yeah, I never did tell you my name did I? I’m Outlaw.

Randy: Outlaw? Hmmm. Not bad. That will go well with the mask.

Outlaw: What? No, I meant that…

Randy: Shut up! The lessons start now. I’m going to demonstrate the drills you will be doing. Once you master these, we’ll move on to offensive maneuvers. Also during these exercises we will be working on your strength, speed, and agility. Are you ready?

Outlaw: Yes sir!

Randy: I can’t hear you!

Outlaw: YES SIR!!!

*Randy gets in the ring. He runs full speed against the ropes and is able to bounce off and gain momentum. He then bounces on each side without slowing down. It is quite a sight to behold. He stops and exits the ring.*

Randy: Your first task is to learn how to use the ropes. They can help you and hurt you, so you’ve got to master them, kid.

*Next to the ring are two lines of tires, side by side. Randy runs through them with ease and then back again. Just to show off, he runs backwards.*

Randy: Next you run through these. You have to be light on your feet.

Outlaw: *Nods*

*Randy brings out some weights.*

Randy: Each time you do a push-up, I’m going to add weight to it. I think this is enough to go on for now. If you improve we’ll add more challenges. You got all that, kid?

Outlaw: I think so.

Randy: Ok, let me see you give each one a try. Go for the tires first.

*Outlaw trips almost immediately after putting his foot in the first tire. Randy shakes his head.*

Randy: I can see we’re off to a good start. Go ahead and try the ropes.

*Outlaw gets into the ring. He runs full speed and puts all his weight into the ring ropes. This results in Outlaw being sling shot through the ceiling.*

Outlaw: Why yes, stewardess the soup is running over the pudding cup making the mouse cry duct tape. And what’s this coming rapidly towards me? It’s my friend the ground! Hello ground!

*BAM!*

Randy: This is going to take longer than I thought.

*He goes outside and pulls Outlaw from the crater he made, and helps him back in the gym.*

Randy: You ok, kid?

Outlaw: I’m not sure…

*Randy decks Outlaw in the head.*

Randy: How about now?

Outlaw: Never better!

Randy: Good! Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you. I tend to call this part the “80s Training Montage” and I think the song that will go best with this will be…. Crazy Train.

Outlaw: Sweet.

Randy: BEGIN!

*ALLLLLL ABOARD! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!*

*Outlaw runs at the tires and slips before he even gets to them. He gets back up and tries to run through the tires. He gets a few steps in before he topples over again. As he tries to get back up he gets stuck in the tires. *

Outlaw: Little help?

*Randy gives him a kick sending him rolling into a wall.*

Randy: Quit playing around!

*Outlaw comes rushing back and slides into the ring. He tries to run against the ropes again but ends up toppling over the top rope and onto the floor. *

Outlaw: This looked so much easier on TV.

Randy: Push-ups!

*Outlaw starts doing the exercise. This is one thing he actually knows how to do. He is going at a good pace when Randy walks up.*

Randy: Time for something extra.

*Instead of placing the weight on Outlaw, he drops it. Outlaw was not prepared for this and is slammed into the ground.*

Outlaw: Ok. That one hurt.

Randy: I didn’t say stop.

Outlaw: Right, right!

*Outlaw starts back up again. The added weight hasn’t slowed him down much. Without warning Randy drops another weight on him. Outlaw manages to stay up this time and keeps going. *

Randy: Good! Now try this…

*Randy drops two weights. Outlaw hits the floor, but recovers and starts doing push-ups again.*

Randy: Don’t get the idea that I’ll let up on you. Where we leave off today will be your starting point tomorrow.

*Day Two*

*I’m going off the rails on a Crazy Train.*

Randy: Run the tires!

*Outlaw gets a few steps in then falls flat on his face.*

Outlaw: Flipper feet and tire running don’t mix.

Randy: No excuses! Show me you really want to do this! Hit those ropes!

*Outlaw gets in the ring without realizing that there is a tire stuck to his foot. He gets about halfway when he trips and tumbles into the ropes. He gets tangled up in them and winds up hanging upside down. *

Randy: This is going to be a long montage.

*Day Three*

Outlaw: How many weights are on me again?

Randy: Don’t count. It’ll make it seem worse.

Outlaw: If you say so.

Randy: What if I said it was twenty?

*Outlaw hits the floor.*

Outlaw: No wonder it’s so heavy.

Randy: If I did say twenty, I’d be wrong. It was more than that. But once you had an idea of your limit you gave up.

Outlaw: I…

Randy: Mind over matter, kid. There are no limitations.

*Outlaw is hit by a wave of understanding. And a boot to the head.*

Randy: AGAIN!

*Day Five*

*I’m going off the rails on a Crazy Train.*

*Outlaw and Randy are doing the metal sign and head-banging in unison.*

Outlaw: This song rules.

Randy: Like the 80s.

Outlaw: What?

*Randy decks Outlaw.*

Randy: Quit messing around and get back to your training!

*Day Eight*

Randy: Time for a slight change of pace.

*Randy gives Outlaw a jump rope.*

Outlaw: Are you serious? I can do this.

*Outlaw tries to do the jump rope but catches his leg and slams into the ground.*

Randy: You were saying?

Outlaw: I used to think I had coordination. Now I see how wrong I was.

*Day Fifteen*

Outlaw: I can do this, I can do this.

*Outlaw runs at the ropes and manages to get the bounce right. *

Outlaw: YEAH! Yeah! Oh crap!

*Outlaw tumbles out of the ring again.*

Randy: Try not to let little victories make you forget what you’re doing.

Outlaw: Got it.

Randy: Run the tires!

*Outlaw takes a deep breath. He gets a running start and goes for it. To his surprise he makes it to the end. Randy nods in approval.*

Randy: Very good, kid. Now do it again.

*Outlaw manages to get back to the starting point without falling.*

Randy: Not bad. Now go faster.

*Day Twenty*

Randy: This is a practice dummy. I’ll be showing you the basics in offensive maneuvers. In addition to the drills, you will be doing these moves everyday.

Outlaw: I’m ready!

*Day Twenty-Five*

*Randy is off to the side watching his student’s progress with his arms crossed. Outlaw is running through the tires with speed. He then jumps into the ring and is able to run the ropes.*

Randy: Push-ups!

*Outlaw gets into position and readies himself. The weights are dropped hard but he is able to keep himself up.*

Randy: Do it!

*Outlaw begins. A little while later, one last weight is added. Randy himself. While Outlaw is doing the exercise, Randy stands atop the giant pile of weights. This is also the part where the song ends.*

Randy: Keep it up, kid.

Outlaw: Yes sir!!

Randy: Since you’re not going anywhere for a while I think now is a good time to go over the types of matches you can compete in.

*Randy motions to one of the other trainers. He tosses Randy a clipboard.*

Randy: Right. Obviously you’ll be in standard singles matches and the occasional tag team match. What I’ll be marking down are the specialty matches.

Outlaw: *Grunt* Sounds great!

Randy: Let’s see… Ladder match, cage match, and tank match.

Outlaw: Tank match?

Randy: Tank matches are for aquatic and amphibious reploids only. They don’t get to have too many of these so they always like to get a few more who can compete in it. It livens up the card.

Outlaw: Ok, sounds fun.

Randy: Sure is. Hey guys, we need a few more people up here. We need a bit more weight.

*More climb on top of the pile of weights. Outlaw strains a bit, but continues to do the push-ups.*

Randy: I’ll mark down Hardcore, Street Fight, and Falls Count Anywhere… Come to think of it, it’s basically the same match with different names. Inferno match is a good one.

Outlaw: Inferno?

Randy: They surround the ring in fire and sometimes light the ropes too. Sort of like when they take the ropes off and replace it with barbed wire. MORE WEIGHT!

*Even more get on.*

Outlaw: Are you sure about this?

Randy: You’ll be fine.

*The sound of breaking wood can now be heard. Randy and the other trainers jump off just before the floor gives way.*

*BAM!!*

Outlaw: Ow.

Randy: I think we’ll call it a day. I’ll have the floor fixed by tomorrow, which will be an important day. You and I are going to spar in the ring.

*The next day.*

Randy: Ok kid, this is how it’s going to work. We’re going to go over holds and counter holds. Your job is to counter what I do and attempt to knock me down. Each time I knock you down; you’ll owe me twenty push-ups and an extra round with the tires and jump rope. Got all that?

Outlaw: Yup! This is going to be fun; I actually get to wrestle a legend.

Randy: You won’t be able to keep hold of me long enough to make that claim just yet.

Outlaw: We’ll see about that.

*Outlaw lunges at Randy, who easily side steps him and trips him. Outlaw quickly gets up and tries a clothesline. Randy ducks and catches him in a side suplex. *

Randy: That’s forty so far. I guess you must really want to do more push-ups.

Outlaw: I’ll catch you yet!

*Several hours later.*

Randy: I think that’s enough for today. If we keep this up, you’ll owe me three days worth of push-ups.

Outlaw: *gasping*

Randy: You’ll get the hang of it eventually. You owe me a days worth of drills and exercise, and after that we’ll try this again.

Outlaw: Speaking of that, how much do I owe you for the training?

Randy: Listen kid, I was serious when I said I saw something in you. I don’t normally take students under my wing like this. So you don’t own me any money.

Outlaw: But there must be something I can do to repay you.

Randy: There is. I didn’t want to tell you this right away but this isn’t just for you. I want one last ride in the spotlight, even if it’s on the sidelines. I think you have a real shot at making it in this business and if that’s the case, I want to be there as your manager.

Outlaw: For all that you’ve been teaching me, I think that’s a fair trade.

Randy: Thanks kid. Don’t think that this means I’m going soft on you though. You still owe me for the beating you took.

Outlaw: Right. Say Randy, can I ask you something?

Randy: Shoot.

Outlaw: What happened to you? Why did everything change for you?

Randy: I made a lot of bad choices. I used illegal upgrades and I abused my body to such a degree that I couldn’t control myself anymore. I lost everything; money, fame, career; all gone. My family and friends left while they could, since I was unhealthy to be around.

Outlaw: How did you wind up here?

Randy: I managed to get clean and took a lot of tour dates. I saved up enough to open this gym. It’s all I have left in this world.

Outlaw: What about your family?

Randy: If there’s anything I’ve learned in this business, it’s this: Family only slows you down. Don’t you feel the same way?

Outlaw: I’m not sure what to think. I never felt that way about it before.

Randy: Forget about all that. Focus on what you’re doing now. Enough with this crap, go rest up. I expect you to be in top shape when we go to the P.R.W. Arena.

*Days later…*

Randy: You ready?

Outlaw: Let’s do this!

*Outlaw and Randy go hold for hold, counter for counter. Everything Randy does, Outlaw is able to reverse. If Randy tries a move, Outlaw is able to counter it. This goes on for a while until they come to a stand off. Randy claps his hands and laughs with approval.*

Outlaw: Yeah!

*Randy extends his hand. Outlaw goes to shake it but gets decked in the head.*

Randy: Never lower your guard! The match isn’t over until the ref says it is. Don’t forget that!

Outlaw: After getting hit so many times, how could I?

Randy: Kid, I think you’re ready to enter some competition. Take a few days off to recover. Then we go to the P.R.W. Arena for their tryout matches. With any luck you’ll get in.

Outlaw: How tough is it to get in?

Randy: Well, first the owner, Vince McMahondroid, has to like your look. Then you have to impress them by winning at least one match. Then, if they like your character and you have a bit of talent they’ll regularly book you to their events. Then you can compete for championships.

Outlaw: Sounds like it might be difficult.

Randy: Don’t worry about it. Now go shower up and get some sleep.

Outlaw: Show…er? What is this “shower” you speak of?

Randy: See? With a sense of humor like that, you’ll have no problems!

*That night…*

Outlaw: Zzzzzzz…

*Outlaw is in his hammock snoring loudly. The sewer is in total darkness. *

???: Outlaw.

Outlaw: *mumble-mumble*

???: Outlaw!

Outlaw: Huh?!

*Outlaw falls off the hammock. He looks around to try and find the source of the voice, but is unable to see anything.*

Outlaw: Whose there?

*A shadowy image of Nega appears.*

Nega: Outlaw.

Outlaw: Nega! You’re alive!

*Outlaw runs in her direction but does not gain any ground. She remains far away and the room is nothing but blackness.*

Outlaw: Is this a dream?

Nega: Your friends.

Outlaw: Huh?

Nega: Your friends are going to need you. They are in danger.

Outlaw: Danger? What kind of danger?

Nega: The time will come when you will have to act. Never forget who you are.

Outlaw: You’re not making sense. There is no more C:IA. I tried to keep it together but I failed. I’m no use to them anymore.

Nega: You will see.

Outlaw: Nega, is it really you?

Nega: Don’t worry about me. There are bigger things happening now.

Outlaw: What’s happening? What danger?

Nega: Beware the goat.

*Outlaw wakes up with a start, causing him to bash his head into the ceiling. He looks around while rubbing his head.*

Outlaw: Nega?

*There is a brief echo of his voice which turns into silence. After a few minutes, he lays back down.*

Outlaw: Beware the goat?

*A few days later at the arena.*

Randy: This is it! How do ya feel, kid?

Outlaw: For over a month I’ve been pushed to my physical limit and beaten to a pulp everyday.

Randy: And?

Outlaw: And surprisingly, I feel great! Better than great even!

Randy: The training is what does it. It makes you tougher, stronger, and harder to hurt.

Outlaw: I feel a lot more nimble too.

Randy: You give any thought on what you want your finishing move to be?

Outlaw: I was thinking about doing a splash from the top rope.

Randy: Ok. I’ll let the announcing team know.

Outlaw: Hey Randy, do you know anything about goats?

Randy: What the Hell are you babbling about?

Outlaw: Never mind.

Randy: Don’t get nervous, kid. It’ll mess with your head.

*They enter the locker room. There are lots of other reploids there attempting to make the tryout matches. *

Randy: I think we’re in luck. You’re bigger than most of the others.

Outlaw: Are you sure that’s really how it goes?

*Suddenly there is silence in the room as Vince McMahondroid makes his way through the room. He is looking at each reploid very carefully. He then stops in front of Outlaw.*

Vince: I see you’ve finally found yourself a rookie you are willing to bet on, Randy.

Randy: He’s sure to impress you Vince. Just give him a shot.

Vince: I like the look of you. You’re up first!

Outlaw: Thanks!

*Vince exits the locker room.*

Outlaw: That was easy.

Randy: What part of “They always push the big guy first” didn’t you get?

Outlaw: You know Vince?

Randy: He and I go way back. That’s not important right now. You have a match to get ready for.

Outlaw: Right! I’ll start warming up. Do you think you can find out who I’m up against?

Randy: I’ll see what I can do. I have to go tell the announcing crew who you are and that I’m going with you to the ring anyway. I’ll be back in a bit.

Outlaw: Gotcha.

*Randy leaves. Outlaw starts to get ready. He can hear the noise of the crowd as they pile into the arena. After a while Randy comes back.*

Outlaw: Any luck?

Randy: They’ve got our names, but they wouldn’t tell me who you’re up against.

Outlaw: That sucks.

Randy: I’m sure it’s nothing you can’t handle. Are you going to let an unknown stop you from your dreams? Are you going to let all that training be wasted?!

Outlaw: HELL NO!

Randy: Then get out there and give them all you’ve got.

*They make their way to the area where the backstage opens to the main arena. They are behind a curtain and can hear the crowd. The noise level goes down a bit as the in-ring announcer begins.*

Announcer: Ladies, Gentlemen, and Reploids! Welcome to the P.R.W. Arena!

*The crowd goes wild.*

Announcer: Pro Reploid Wrestling and Megalopolis in conjunction with our neighboring city Trumptopia are proud to present tonight’s event!

*The crowd gives a loud cheer!*

Announcer: We are going to be having tryout matches for future P.R.W. stars by having a tournament with these new competitors. The winner will become a regular here and as an added bonus, the current world champion has agreed to put the title on the line on Pay Per View! So not only will the winner become a part of the P.R.W. but gets a title shot as well!

Outlaw: Nice.

Announcer: First up, representing the “Bone Crusher Wrestling Gym” located right here in Megalopolis…

*The crowd cheers loudly for the hometown gym.*

Randy: This is it. Let’s do this, kid!

Outlaw: YEAH!!!!!

Announcer: Being accompanied to the ring by wrestling legend Randy “The Ram” Robinson, “The Big Green Machine” OUTLAW!

Outlaw: The what?

Randy: Catchy huh?

*The song “Ride the Lightning” by Metallica plays and the crowd cheers as Outlaw and Randy make their way to the ring. Randy gets on the apron and stands in the corner while Outlaw enters the ring.*

Randy: Good crowd tonight.

Outlaw: Do they cheer for everybody?

Randy: Sometimes. You have the hometown advantage so the crowd will be on your side.

Announcer: His opponent, representing Trumptopia’s “You’re Fired If You Lose Gym”…

*The crowd boos loudly.*

Announcer: He smashes, he bashes, and he sends his opponents to the scrap heap! He’s THE CRUSHER!!!!!

Randy: Uh-oh.

*The song “Stupify” by Disturbed plays.*

Outlaw: Is this bad?

Randy: Let’s put it like this; you know how the little guy is always brought out to let the big guy beat him up?

Outlaw: Yeah.

Randy: In this case, you’re the little guy.

Outlaw: What?!

*The Crusher has now emerged from the back. He is a massive, beast-like reploid that towers over all in the arena. He is almost as wide as the entrance way and he looks like he could wreck the place if he wanted to.*

Outlaw: I thought you and Vince went way back?

Randy: We do. I never said we were friends.

*The Crusher has entered the ring.*

Outlaw: This is so not fair.

Randy: Life never is. Tough luck, kid.

The Crusher: Me Crusher! Me crush puny lizard!

*The bell sounds, starting the match.*

Outlaw: Here goes nothing.

*Outlaw rushes in, but quickly has to dodge. The Crusher is so large that he takes up most of the ring. He is throwing punches but Outlaw is able to avoid them.*

The Crusher: Stand still! Me want crush you!

Outlaw: Ropes do your thing!

*Outlaw runs against the ropes and launches himself at The Crusher. He attempts to ram him with his shoulder, but is caught in a bear hug!*

Outlaw: Not… Good…

The Crusher: NOW! Me…*sniff* Me…*Sniff sniff* Me crush…

*The Crusher is wobbling. Having Outlaw so close to his face, he can’t help but smell what Outlaw has been sleeping in.*

The Crusher: You… Smelly.

Outlaw: If you think that’s bad, then check this out! BUUUUUUUURP!

*The Crusher falls over. Outlaw is on top and the ref counts to three.*

Announcer: Here is your winner… Outlaw!

*The crowd cheers loudly!*

Randy: I don’t know how the Hell you did it, but you did it!

Outlaw: Natural talent, I guess.

Randy: Just win your next two matches and you’ll earn a title shot on PPV!

Outlaw: No problem!

*The next two matches he was in allowed him to try out the skills he had learned. Outlaw was able to dominate the first opponent with a power-based wrestling style, using power bombs and clotheslines. The second opponent was closer in strength to him, so Outlaw changed his strategy to incorporate submission moves. He was able to perform his “Gator Splash” to much fan fare.*

Announcer: Ladies and Gentlemen, we have our newest P.R.W. competitor, Outlaw!

Outlaw: Yeah!

*The crowd cheers loudly!*

Randy: I knew you could do it, kid!

*Suddenly “This Machine” by Julien-K starts playing. The World Champion has appeared and is headed for the ring. The crowd boos him without mercy.*

Prototype John: So, you think you’re pretty tough? You’re nothing compared to me! I am the champ! You got lucky with these two-bit excuses for wrestlers. Hell, they aren’t even worth using as spare parts!

Outlaw: Calm down, dude. It looks like your going to pop a vessel or something.

Prototype John: SHUT IT! You don’t stand a chance against me. This Sunday, at Metal Doom, I’ll make you regret the day you put on that mask!

*Prototype John throws the microphone at Randy, and then storms out of the ring and to the back.*

Outlaw: What’s his problem?

Randy: He’s the guy Vince hand picked to be the main force in his promotion. He’s pissed because the fans hate him.

Outlaw: Why do the fans hate him?

Randy: Because Vince hand picked him, and gave him a mega push that never stopped. However, he is champ for a reason; he’s damn tough.

Outlaw: We have all week to get ready and there is no way I’m going to let him beat me. This is a dream come true for me, man. I never thought I’d get a chance to compete professionally, let alone have a chance to be world champion!

Randy: That’s the spirit, kid!

*After much training through the week, the big day finally arrives. The arena is sold out and the crowd is pumped to see the main event. Outlaw and Randy are in the locker room.*

Randy: How ya feelin’? You’re not nervous are you?

*Before Outlaw could answer, Vince comes in.*

Vince: Ah, there you are. I just wanted to wish you luck out there. Despite the fact that I hate having to look at Randy again, it’s been a while since we had a new wrestler that the fans seem to like. I think you’ll fit right in here with us.

Outlaw: Thanks Vince.

Vince: I also wanted to let you know that I’ve decided to make this match Anything Goes. That way Prototype John doesn’t have to hold back.

Randy: That doesn’t scare us! He can take it!

Vince: We’ll see.

*Vince leaves.*

Outlaw: Now I’m nervous.

Randy: Don’t be. You’ve trained too hard to let that stop you. If anything, this works in your favor since you don’t have to hold back either.

*They can now hear Outlaw’s music. They exit the locker room and head for the ring. Outlaw is focused and pays the announcer no mind. The crowd cheers for him and this gives him confidence. Randy stays on the outside of the ring while Outlaw climbs in. He waves to the crowd. This is a moment he has been dreaming about for a long time. He takes it all in. He also decides that win or lose, he will cherish this moment for the rest of his life. There is only a single regret on his mind.*

Outlaw: I wish the guys could see this.

*Prototype John’s music comes on and he struts to the ring. He is booed loudly but he doesn’t show signs of caring. He poses and holds the belt over his head. He then gets into the ring and stares at Outlaw.*

Announcer: This is the Metal Doom main event! This is an Anything Goes match for the World Championship!

Prototype John: I hope you brought a box to carry your teeth.

Randy: He’s going to make you eat those words!

*The bell sounds. Prototype John immediately slides out of the ring and smashes his title belt against Randy’s head, knocking him out cold. Outlaw goes to his fallen mentor.*

Outlaw: Randy!

Prototype John: That was from Vince. Though I admit I wanted to do that anyway. There’s going to be no help for you now.

Outlaw: I can take you on my own! You’ve pissed off the wrong guy!

*Outlaw grabs a chair and nails Prototype John in the head as he was rushing at him. John staggers but doesn’t go down. He gets back in the ring and dares Outlaw to follow. *

Prototype John: Don’t keep me waiting.

*Outlaw climbs in and they go at it. Each is landing hard punches. Outlaw starts to get the upper hand and backs John into a corner. The ref breaks them up. Outlaw backs away and was about to go back on the offensive when John springs from the corner and spears him down to the mat. *

Prototype John: How do you like that one, punk?!

Outlaw: That all you got?

*Outlaw is up and John tries the spear again. Outlaw counters with an arm bar takedown and follows it up with a leg drop. He goes for the cover but John kicks out at two. John hits a dropkick on Outlaw which sends him outside of the ring. As he stands back up, John leaps from the ring and lands on top of him. He goes for the cover and Outlaw kicks out at two.*

Prototype John: No one messes with me!

*He gives the crowd the finger which pisses them off even more. While he was distracted Outlaw trips him with his tail. He gets back in the ring with John following him. They punch each other some more. John hits a single leg take down and tries to lock on a submission maneuver but Outlaw makes it to the ropes. This forces John to release the hold. Pissed that the ref is doing his job, he argues with him.*

Prototype John: This is Anything Goes, remember?!

Ref: Basic rules still apply.

*John turns back around to face Outlaw and gets kicked in the gut. This allows Outlaw to hit a power bomb. Outlaw then runs against the ropes and goes for an elbow drop but misses.*

Prototype John: No more playing around.

*He grabs Outlaw by the tail and swings him over his head and slams him on the mat. He does this several times. Outlaw is slow to stand back up. When he finally gets to his feet he is brought back down again by a DDT.*

Prototype John: Time to end this.

*John lifts Outlaw on top of his shoulders. He then tosses him in the air and slams him hard with the added momentum. The crowd is booing hard. John grins and puts his foot on Outlaw. The ref starts to count but Outlaw kicks out. John is livid. This time he goes for a real cover and makes sure to hook the legs. Outlaw is able to kick out at two again.*

Prototype John: No one kicks out of that! NO ONE!

*John picks Outlaw up and tries his finishing move again, but Outlaw is able to shift his weight and crash down on John. He knocks him down with a clothesline and when John stands back up he hits him with a scoop slam. The crowd is going nuts.*

Outlaw: Try getting back up from this!

*Outlaw climbs to the top rope. He briefly looks around to see the crowd. Randy has gotten back up.*

Randy: DO IT, KID!

*Outlaw leaps off the top rope and hits John with the splash! The ref goes for the count. 1… 2… 3!!! The bell sounds and the match is over. The crowd is going insane!*

Announcer: Here is your winner, and NEW World Champion…OUTLAW!

*The ref hands Outlaw the championship belt. Randy enters the ring and is pumping his fists in victory. Outlaw is still stunned by the fact that he won.*

Randy: You did it!

*Prototype John has gotten back up, and now realizes what has happened. He kicks at the ropes.*

Prototype John: This isn’t over. I’ll get a rematch and it’s going to be soon. You can bet on it!

Outlaw: Any time you’re ready John.

*As John leaves the ring, Outlaw raises the belt to the crowd. They cheer for the new champion and chant his name.*

Outlaw: Thank you all!

*Some time later in the locker room, Outlaw is sitting at a bench, looking at the title belt. He has his bag with him and is using his towel.*

Randy: You did good, kid. You’ll be getting top booking now. And I get to be in the spotlight again.

Outlaw: That was a lot of fun.

Randy: Fun? This isn’t about fun.

Outlaw: It’s not? Then what is it about?

Randy: Fame and fortune of course!

Outlaw: I don’t really want those things. I just wanted to enjoy myself.

Randy: Whatever. The fact is you shocked the wrestling world tonight. You have a big future ahead of you. I’m going to head home. I’ll see you tomorrow to talk about it. Good night champ!

*Randy leaves. Outlaw is about to do the same when something falls out of his bag. He goes to pick it up. It’s the photo of his friends. He stares at it for a long time.*

Outlaw: I wish you could have seen me out there. I hope you’re all doing well. I always considered you guys more than friends. You were the only family I ever had.

The End

Occult and Butterfly’s

February 5, 2015

*Written by Avi*

*Alone, one lost sea creature… robot… thing wandered the streets, with nobody but his trusty beer bottle to keep him company. Having watched what he once considered his surrogate family tear itself apart before his very eyes, life, as he knew it, had all been stripped away from him in a heartbeat. There was nothing to do now but to drown his sorrows away…*

Majin: *chug chug chug* Yeeeeeh I drink aloooone… *chugs* yeeeeeah wif nobuddy else… *chugs and sobs*

*None too far away*

Generic Bad Guy Reploid: NYEH NYEH! *runs away with some old lady’s purse*

Elderly Reploid: Why you…!! *runs after him, shaking her cane*

*Aaaand back with the Sponge.*

Majin: Siiiigh… I use ta be soup a hero ‘til we wuz broken up… *hic* …but za days of bein Formation: Beach Invaders… days of saven criminals and fighten old ladies is at an end… *hic* BUT THEIR MEANIEFACES NAO. Good riddens. *hic* Rooooo… so ronery… *passes out on the sidewalk*

*Aaand back with the old lady and the theif.*

Generic Bad Guy Reploid: …The hell? There’s nothing of value in this purse! What am I supposed to do with pencils, paper, and… is this a *plastic replica of a human heart* with a recipe for chicken marsala scribbled on it in a rather elegant cursive script? …Though I must admit, that is some very nice handwri–

Elderly Reploid: *stabs the theif in the eye with her cane, taking back her purse… which she promptly whacks him with several times before nailing him below the belt with her boot* Why thank you, son! It’s high time somebody finally took notice of my work!

Generic Bad Guy Reploid: … *laying face-down in a pool of his own oil*

Elderly Reploid: Oh, phooey. So close, yet so far. At least I won’t have to spend anything on ink today!

*The woman drew a quill pen and an empty ink jar from her purse. After filling the jar with robot oil, she dipped the pen, and proceeded to draw a smiley face on a nearby parking meter.*

Elderly Reploid: *facing the parking meter* From this day forward, your name is no longer “Time Expired.” I hereby dub thee… *Francisco Von Muddypants the Third!*

“Francisco”: …

Elderly Reploid: So… you wish to hear my story, son? Well, it’s a long one, but… seeing as how you are firmly wedged in the cement of the sidewalk, you have no choice but to listen! Mwee hee hee hee…

“Francisco”: …

Elderly Reploid: For too long, I have lived as a… starving artist, if you will. Even at the ripe young age of 22–that’s like, 220 in reploid years, by the way–technology is sooo hard to keep up with these days… oops, got sidetracked for a second there. What was I saying? Oh, yes. My name is Ms. Avalon–I forget what my first name is, so just call me “Avi.”

“Francisco”: …

Avi: I live up on the hill with my butterflies. I, too, am a butterfly–but alas, even at my age, I am still but a larva. Yet, I live on as a lone artist, ever scribbling away until the day when my work is finally noticed–then, and only then, will I earn my wings and mature to adulthood.

“Francisco”: …

Avi: Heh heh. Aaah, Francisco, you remind me of an old friend… from waaaaay back when I was still in touch with society. He really liked these. *She reaches into her purse, pulling out an age-old Oreo cookie. She attempts to jam it into the meter’s coin slot.*

“Francisco”: …

Avi: Yummy, huh? Heh heh… to be feeding you, a complete stranger… makes me yearn for a child of my own… one who will never grow up to tell me “get out of my life you crazy effing b-word…” but alas! I came down from the mountain to search for art supplies and the like, so I can’t stay for long. It’s been nice meeting you, Francisco, now I’m off to find me a canvas.

Majin: *still passed out, face flat on the sidewalk*

Avi: …Hey! That giant cucumber looking thingy shall fare nicely for my next piece!

*Later… cut to a log cabin in the middle of the woods. Inside, the walls, floors, and ceilings are all coated with hundreds upon hundreds of drawings, while countless numbers of butterflies and moths flutter about through the air.*

Avi: *finshes painting a rather-abstract looking face on the back of Majin’s head* …Alrighty. Time for a break… s’getting late…

Majin: …uuuuugh…

Avi: Hm? That sound… was that its air escaping? Do cucumbers even DO that?! Sigh, better plug the leak. *turns Majin around*

Majin: …oooooooooh…

Avi: …It has a face on the other side?! I… didn’t paint that… or did I… GAH! I don’t even know any more! *turns Majin back around, to the face that she painted* Tell me, Mrs. Scatterbeans… I didn’t paint a face on the back of your head, did I? DID I?! Please tell me I haven’t completely lost it!

Majin: …Ugh… need… more beer…

Avi: …

Majin: …

Avi: …Did… *WORDS* just… come out of your mouth?!

Majin: …Like, do you have some?

Avi: AAHAHHAHHHHHHGH! *clutches her head* LEAVE ME ALONE, VOICES IN MY HEAD, I’M NOT LISTENING TO YOU ANY MORE! GO AWAY!!

Majin: Eep… um, s-sorry? *struggles to get up* (Freak…)

Avi: NOT. REAL. YOU ARE JUST A PAINTING. I AM NOT GOING TO–*turns to her dishwasher (which also has a face drawn on it)* …What’s that Harvey McBooBoo?

Dishwasher: …

Avi: You say that my cucumber canvas was actually an unconscious reploid, and he just woke up? Oh! Oh, okay…

Majin: *starts to slowly edge away from Avi*

Avi: *to Majin* Aw, I’m so sorry I scared you, I didn’t know… look, I have beer for you. Come on, little guy.

Majin: R-really? *gets up and approaches Avi*

Avi: Yes. See, I don’t drink alcohol, so I’ve been saving it for somebody, for all these long years… besides, it’s the least I could do after creeping you out like that, dear. I hope you’ll accept it…

Majin: Yes, of course! My bottle, it’s empty… I need to drink. I don’t know what else I can do at this point…

Avi: Awww, I’m so sorry… please, come this way. *motions* Did something happen? You can talk to me.

Majin: Eh… well… even if you’re this crazy derelict granny who I just met not even a minute ago–sorry–I have nobody else at this point, so… *sighs*

Avi: If you don’t want to talk, I can understand… personal matters, ya?

Majin: …No, it’s alright… it’s just… I was once part of this group of friends, we were together for many a long year… but then our pal Void, he… he’s gone now… ever since then, things fell apart, and… we are no longer a group…

Avi: *pats Majin on the back* I have something that would help you feel better, ya? *hands him a very surrealistic painting of a beer bottle*

Majin: Boy, that sure looks good…

Avi: You… like my work?

Majin: It’s very nice, but–

Avi: YES! YES! YES! *dances* PUBLICITY, YAY! *clears throat* Erm, anyway. I painted that way back in ‘XX. But since I’m not gonna drink it, you can have it!

Majin: Well, thanks! But… how does one… eh, drink a painting?

Avi: …Oh, so that *is* just a painting, durr. *Slaps self* Sorry, not sure about these kinds of things most of the time, haha…

Majin: *sigh* Is it at least made with, um, alcoholic paint?

Avi: Doesn’t exist, silly. I do have some paints you could probably get high off of, though… NOT THAT I ENCOURAGE IT! Thankyouverymuch.

Majin: Being high isn’t quite the same as being drunk… so, I guess you don’t have any real beer?

Avi: I don’t drink, so no. Sorry!

Majin: It’s alright… well, I guess I’ll be off to… wherever. Thanks again for the painting.

Avi: NO, DON’T LEAVE! …Erm, sorry! All I have are my butterflies, my moths and my paintings to keep me company… it’s not often I’m able to speak with anybody who actually speaks back!

Majin: Um–

Avi: Please, let me buy you liquor! So what if I normally don’t promote alcoholism, I’ll buy you all the liquor you can handle if you just don’t go! Just stay a little longer… um, please?

Majin: Err…

Avi: Do you even have money to buy your liquor?

Majin: Well, no…

Avi: *smiles* I do. For uh, some reason or another. Come on, dear, let’s get you wasted! By the time I’m through with you, there will be no more pesky brain cells to bother you ever again!

*The unlikely duo exits the cabin, trudging through the woods until they made it to town. After a good while of walking…*

Avi: *stops* Oooh, look at the pretty junkyard! I’m sure I could get all kinds of cool canvases there!

Majin: Huff… huff… need beer… can’t go on… without…

Avi: Huh? Oh, sorry. Come on, Majin. This way, now. *continues walking with Majin by the hand* To the bar we goooooooo~!

*Unbeknownst to them, however, they were being scoped out, by somebody in that same “pretty” junkyard…*

Suspicious Hooded Figure: *peering through binoculars* Yes… such a magnificent specimen… so that is Wire Sponge Drinker. His DNA… it will soon be mine, yes…

*The hooded figure leaped up, assuming a diver’s stance. He dove headfirst into the junk, actually “swimming” through it at lightning speeds…*

Suspicious Hooded Figure: It’s the bar you want? Oh, no, I’m sorry to disappoint, my dear Wire Sponge Drinker… but I want you at my place… oh, yes. I do…

*Much later, Avi and Majin reach the bar… or rather, what was left of it!*

Avi: Well… I’m so sorry, son. *gazes at the smoldering ruins of the bar* Could we take this as a sign? Perhaps, one that says, “Maybe you shouldn’t drink so much, it’s bad for you?”

Majin: …*blink blink* …NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! *collapses to his knees, amidst the ruins * OH THE INHUMANITY! *licks the ground, hoping to scoop up some spilt beer*

Random Reploid: Haha, that won’t do ya any good, boy. All the beer was stolen, y’know. Saw the whole thing, I did!

Avi: Huh? Like, what happened here?!

Random Reploid: Some bozo came in with an army of moth-like robots… I dunno. How do you describe them, they were like… ghosts, or zombies, or something… they drove everyone out, stole all the beer, then the lead bozo blew the whole damn place to kingdom come with some grenades or something.

Avi: *looking the other way* At least they left a trail of beer bottles leading somewhere!

Random Reploid: …N-No, they did not. What ever are you talking about?

Avi: …Oh, okay, maybe they didn’t… Mumblemumblestupidbrainnotworking…

Majin: *following the trail of beer bottles* YES YES YES *drinks one whole bottle, then goes to the next* BURRRRRP *and the next* BER GIMME SPINACH POWER WOO WOO *and the next* I’mma pop I da saila man *and the next* toot toot

Avi: …Wait. Call it a gut feeling, but I don’t think I’m hallucinating this time… MAJIN, WAIT! *goes to follow him…*

Random Reploid: Not so fast! *raises an arm, causing Avi to be blown back by a very colorful explosion!*

Avi: AH! *hits the ground* So you’re really a purse snatcher, I… I knew it! 99% of the time… they’re the only ones… who want to talk to me… *staggers up*

Random Reploid: Purse snatcher, eh? Heh heh… thanks for the idea, old hag. I’ll just be taking that… *reaches for Avi’s purse… only to be stabbed in the eye with her cane, kicked in the face, stomped on, and scribbled all over, because hey, why not*

Avi: Pfft! Gonna have to try harder than that. Been dealing if your kind all my life, sonny. *stomps on the reploid’s face some more before stepping off*

Random Reploid: …Ugh… even with the power of magi-technology at my hands, I was beaten by… an old lady… Lord Mechalcanos! Take pity on my worthless soul! *explodes for no good reason*

Avi: Lord Mechalcanos… huh. Kids these days and their evil overlords and their rap music and their yo-yos… *sees the trail of empty bottles* …Majin, get back here! *follows the trail*

*Cut to a dank, dirty, underground laboratory in the depths of the local junkyard…*

Suspicious Hooded Figure: *laying a beer bottle down in front of him, completing the trail* You’ll come to me soon, Wire Sponge Drinker. Oh, yes. You will–

Majin: *takes the beer bottle the Hooded Figure just laid down and drinks it* moar pls

Suspicious Hooded Figure: Heh heh heh… that was quick. Very quick indeed… *Inches closer to Majin* Good evening, Wire Sponge Drinker… quite the drinker indeed, oh yes. That was a whole bar’s worth of beer you just had. Your capacity for alcohol is… most intriguing. Very intriguing, heh heh… I must study you further.

Majin: *hic* u lok funee avee did u gro ur hair

Suspicious Hooded Figure: *strokes Majin’s head* Such a pretty flower… I hope you don’t mind me feeling it for a while… oh, so velvety soft…

Majin: ew gross an tis not a flower I’m a sea munster not a pickel *buuurp*

Suspicious Hooded Figure: *takes his hand off Majin, and inspects it thoroughly* Ahhh, yes, very nice, very nice indeed! Such excellent DNA, I must analyze it immediately! *pulls a set of test tubes out from his cloak*

Majin: Pickels ar like honey bs in that thar full ov life, like oceans over manhatten in da sumr rain in august july september 14th *hic* hunh wut did I just say???

Suspicious Hooded Figure: …heh heh heh. You are a very intriguing specimen, I must say. *gets to work analyzing Majin’s DNA…*

Avi: *barges into the lab* There you are, Majin! Don’t you worry your mother like that ever again!

Majin: Mutter? U NOT ME MOMY U LYING LIE LIE. But w8 if yur avee and hes avee den whoosa reel 1

Suspicious Hooded Figure: Eh? *turns to see Avi* What’s that worthless old relic doing in my lab? Feh… no matter… it’s alright… this time. I might just have a use for you later… oh yes…

Avi: *glares at the figure* Don’t you dare try anything funny with him. I adopted that Sponge child first! Just ask the purse snatcher who I blew up back at the bar what will happen if you even think about it, sonny boy…

Suspicious Hooded Figure: So, the minion I left to distract you at the bar… HA HA! Bested by an old relic… that was to be expected, yes… that failure of a test subject. Heh heh heh…

Avi: So, are you this… “Mechalcanos” or whatever?

Suspicious Hooded Figure: Heh heh heh! Me? Mechalcanos? Oh, that’s not a question to be asking me. Oh, no… that’s a question you should be asking your so-called “child,” Wire Sponge Drinker!

Majin: duh whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa?

Suspicious Hooded Figure: Yes, you… well. *Are* you Lord Mechalcanos? That… is what this test shall tell me… *holds up a test tube* Oh yes…

Avi: Wait, then… who the heck are you, boy?!

Suspicious Hooded Figure: Me? Heh heh heh… *removes his hood*

Suspicious No-Longer Hooded Figure: In one lifetime, they addressed me as… “Metal Shark Player.” Reploid geneticist… but then my body was destroyed by that pesky Mega Man X Quitter! And his wussy girlfriend, Zero Knitter! But that’s alright, since I have a new body now, as you can plainly see… oh yes. These days, they call me… “Player 2.”

Majin: cool story sis

Player 2: I couldn’t use my old identity because some punk stole it from me when I was in my… disassembled state. Some punk and his stupid team, whatever they’re called!

Majin: Reploid majinellion? Reploid metabadellion? Shadowstrikellion? Seanellion? Outlawellion? Darkknightellion?

Player 2: But the Reploid Whatcha-ma-call-its are no concern of mine, oh no. See, the Cult of Mechalcanos… they needed my genius… so they built me a new body, powered by magi-technology… a very wonderful thing indeed. And now, it is my life’s mission to find Mechalcanos… in one of you, Wire Sponge Drinker. One of you Code: Island Attackers!

Majin: dood ther is no moore F:BI… no more… *sniff* BOO HOO HOO

Avi: *comforting Majin* Now look, you gone and made him cry–*takes a look at Player 2’s face* …Metal Shark Player. Sounds… so familiar…

Player 2: Heh heh… I… kind of am what one would call a “wanted criminal.” Ha ha ha… oh yes. Wanted for the highly illegal practice of DNA Resurrection… bringing dead reploids back to life. An occult science, if you will… *fangy grin*

Avi: …I remember now. I-I drew your criminal sketch! That was, like, one of the few paying jobs I’ve had! …Say, have you ever seen it? Do you think I captured your image well enough?

Player 2: *fiddling with a machine* Heh heh… I… have another job for you, relic… while I wait for the results of the Is-He-Mechalcanos-Or-Not analysis. Come along, now…

Avi: So, have you seen your criminal sketch or not? I know that was several years back, but I still want critique! I mean, I *have* improved as an artist since then, but–

Player 2: *chains Avi to a chair* Do you know why I’m telling you of my shady past? Evidentially not… but let me just say, before joining the Cult of Mechalcanos… I hadn’t the access to much of the occult knowledge I have now… I could only create soulless clones of dead reploids that broke apart minutes after creation. But now, I can truly bring the dead back to life… oh yes!

Majin: yo can u bring bak void I miss im and is funny antics ='(

Player 2: Can I bring back Void? As in… Void Darkheart Runner? Ha ha! Funny you should mention that, because that was my plan exactly!

Majin: dood *buuurp* SRSLY?!?!?!?!?!

Player 2: Ha ha ha… I’m dead serious. *holds out another test tube* This DNA belongs to Void Darkheart Runner… AKA Morph Moth Flicker. Your friend will be back in no time… oh yes he will… *approaches Avi*

Avi: You still haven’t told me what you thought of my sketch… HEY!

Player 2: *jabs a huge syringe into Avi’s arm*

Avi: AHH!! OH GOD!! *leaps up, breaking free from her chains*

Player 2: Heh heh heh… you are now dying. Dying to make way for a new self… the once-dead Morph Moth Flicker shall rise to take your place in the living world! HA HA HA!!

Avi: Ahhhh… no… help… *falls to her knees*

Player 2: You can take my critique to the grave… your criminal sketch… the teeth were too rounded, my face too pointy, and my eyes too beady. Otherwise, it was pretty good.

Avi: Ah… yes, well, realism was never my thing… I’m more into the imagination-y stuff, heh… good to know. Thanks… now I can die happy knowing some criminal I sketched approves of his portrait. *smiles*

Player 2: Oh, well, that was my old body anyway. Heh heh heh… farewell, relic!

Majin: g…goodbye crazy lady… *sniff* majin saaaaaaaad… *drinks from his beer bottle some more*

Avi: I’m taking the next cocoon up to heaven… *begins to… somehow spin a cocoon around herself*

Player 2: So begins the metamorphosis. Morph Moth Flicker shall join us once again very soon! In the mean time, allow me to check your results, Wire Sponge Drinker. *goes over to his machine, and pulls out a paper it just printed out* Hmmm…

Cocoon: …

Player 2: *looking the results over* Hm…

Cocoon: …

Majin: ka thump ka thump ka thump ka thump

Cocoon: …

Player 2: These results…

Majin: YES?!

Cocoon: …

Player 2: Are…

Majin: YES?!

Cocoon: …

Player 2: …

Majin: YES?!

Cocoon: …

Player 2: …negative. *tosses the paper away* Your DNA does not match up with that of Lord Mechalcanos. You are not him. One of the other Island Attackers is, though… *goes to cross off “Wire Sponge Drinker” from a list*

Wire Sponge Drinker (X) Wheel Gator Lounger (X) Bubble Crab Rubber(  ) Flame Stag Rocker (  )Morph Moth Flicker ( X)  Magna Centipede Feeler ( X)  Crystal Snail Slugger ( ) Overdrive Ostrich Bunker ( )

Player 2: Any of the remaining five could be him… we are certain. It was foreseen by The Hell Goat himself… It won’t be long, heh heh heh.

Majin: WHAT THA HELL IS A GOAT. But w8 im not metallicanos? not me? That sux, I’m in salted =(

Player 2: Why yes, it does suck. Very much. Especially for you. Since I have no other use for you…

Majin: …ye-yes?

Player 2: …I’m just going to have to eat you. *opens his mouth, and lunges at Majin!*

Majin: EEP *leaping out of the way, he throws one of his strike chains at Player 2*

Player 2: *catches it by the chain, which he promptly bites right off!*

Majin: osnap! *drops his bottle, which breaks on the ground. A small puddle of beer is left in its wake*

Player 2: *goes to take a bite out of the distracted Majin*

Majin: *waits for Player 2 to step in the beer, before electrifying the puddle with his other Strike Chain* woo go me

Player 2: *shocked*

Majin: Tee hee hee. This reminds me liek of when donkey crab cursed at snaily man causing the zap zap… *pauses* …Sean… and dark nightlight…

Player 2: *catches Majin in a bear hug* …You’re mine, yes…! *tackles him to the ground* join me… become a part of me… in my belly! *opens his jaw…*

Cocoon: …*shakes*

Player 2: *gets ready to bite Majin’s head off*

Cocoon: *breaks free from its thread, smashing Player 2 in the face!*

Player 2: OW! *thrown off of Majin*

Majin: Hey.. why n how you know sux left? You have ball of crystal? You a peepin’ tommy boy?

Player 2: Not that you’ll live long for this to matter, but through much research… Much research indeed, we were able to trace the histories of the moth, centipede, and alligator. They were the only ones that are true Reploids out of your strange lot. However, the ones that still live… They are still an issue. One we will be dealing with. Soon.

Majin: OooOOooh… Where they nao? I wantz give them high five.

Player 2: The centipede is being tracked at this very moment. His death will be glorious. The alligator on the other hand we seem to have lost. But no matter. He alone wouldn’t be able to stop what is in motion.

*Suddenly the cocoon begins to move*

Player 2: …Well, what do you know… Void Darkheart Runner is awakened it would seem!

Cocoon: …ugh…

Player 2: Greetings, Dr. Void Darkheart Runner! My name is Player 2, reploid geneticist… I brought you back to this world, yes…

Cocoon: …I’m…alive…?

Player 2: Oh, yes. Call me… an admirer of yours, Doctor. As a scientist myself, I feel it would be beneficial if the two of us… collaborated, in some form…

Cocoon: …I…

Avi: *explodes out of the cocoon, jabbing Player 2 with a dagger of concentrated solar energy!*

Player 2: GAH! What in the… this isn’t Void Darkheart Runner. It… *almost* looks like Morph Moth Flicker, but… no, my calculations were flawless… *is zapped by a solar ray from said moth*

Avi: Mwehehe! If I knew how to make a decent, witty one liner, now would have been the time I’d have done so! Alas, I am but a mere, lonely artist…

Majin: *getting up* …zomg avee is the new void! O:

Player 2: Not possible… the magitech, the occult knowledge… how could my experiment fail?

Majin: u 4got ta draw the pentygram

Avi: Of course, the pentagram! *produces a chalk* It’s not an evil cult without a proper demonic ritual! Let Avi show you how to draw one. Just watch, and you’ll be sure to get a nod of approval from even the prince of darkness himself!

Player 2: *slaps the chalk out of her hand* You don’t tell me how to do my job as a soulless minion, outdated relic! I’LL EAT YOU TOO! *lunges at Avi*

Majin: *whips Player 2 with his strike chain, drawing attention from the cannibalistic reploid to himself* hi

Player 2: *goes to bite majin, only to be nailed from behind with a clump of junk* OUCH! *picks up said clump of junk* Silk shot… huh. Why is this projectile shaped like… erm, an abstract caricature of George Washington in a sombrero? Most intriguing…

Avi: Projectile?! I was sculpting with that, and you made me drop it! *uses silk shots to draw together pieces of junk from nearby into one big clump* Show some sense for your surroundings, child!

Majin: um avee *hic* were in a baddle u shudn’t hav da silly drunk tellin u dat

Avi: But… but… my newfound junk sculpting abilities… WHY AM I SO MISUNDERSTOOD?! *smashes her silk shot “junk sculpture” over Player 2’s head*

Player 2: Ugh… *rubbing his head* that damned… *picks up the “sculpture”* …dragon’s head holding a flag pole in its mouth with a grocery list hanging off of it… pretty neat. But that’s beside the point, I’ve had it up to here with you ill-behaved test subjects! *throws anchor-shaped grenades everywhere*

*Small explosions erupt all over the lab as Player 2 makes his getaway, “swimming” across the ground and out the door…*

Avi: Temper issues, anyone? Reminds me of my grandkid, trashing the whole table just because she couldn’t have her ice cream at dinner… wait, do I even have a grandkid, or was she a painting too? I forget.

Majin: hey um yo I think the hole place is exploding????????

Avi: Or maybe I really did have a grandkid, and I just did a portrait of her–wait, what? *looks around* My gosh, you’re right! What an astute observation… you might just have what it takes to be an artist!

Majin: …y is da drunk hafta be the 1 wif common sense 2day? Y O Y O Y O Y?!?!?! leyz get outta here k *runs*

Avi: Oh, right! *flies on out after him*

*The moth and the sponge rush on out of the laboratory, which quickly finds itself collapsing in on their tracks. They soon make it out, to breathe the fresh, midnight air of… the junkyard. Lovely.*

Avi: …Phew. Say, I wonder where that shark went…

Majin: bak 2 th ocean, ihop, cuz its meen to keep fish in tanks ='(

Avi: Well said, my son. *pats him on the head* Say, the street lights look bright tonight. I’ve… never looked at them in this way before… it’s… like I have an urge to fly right into them repeatedly…

Majin: lol me 2

Avi: Then what are we waiting for? LET’S DO IT!

*Avi takes Majin by the hand, and together, they ascend towards the gleaming lights.*

Majin: so brite

Avi: The light… this feeling. So exhilarating! It’s like I’m 100 reploid years younger!

Majin: wheeeeeeeeee!!! Are those yur grandbaby’s *points*

Avi: No, those are moths… actual moths. And at last… I am one.

Real moths: *fluttering all around the light*

Avi: They are among the most under-appreciated and unloved creatures on Earth… always considered mere pests… just like meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. It is all too fitting I had to become one of them, rather than the majestic butterfly I had hoped…

Majin: im sorry u angst

Avi: Don’t be. Being a moth isn’t so bad. In fact… it really isn’t bad at all! For once… I am happy… *gets hit by a blast of solar energy and drops Majin!*

Majin: WHAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaa…

Avi: NO! *is stuck with more blasts of solar energy!* Where did… *is hit with even more…*

*Back on the ground…*

Majin: *on his back* dat kinda hurtz ='( *a shadow begins to loom over him* Huh whoareyou… oh… my…

Void(?): …

Majin: oops I deid lol. HI VOID!!

Void(?): … *blasts Majin with solar energy*

Majin: owch *flies back*

*In the air…*

Void Clones: …*they prepare to blast Avi some more*

Avi: *vaporizes one of the many clones with her own blast of solar energy* I wonder, should I be flattered? After all, only the best artists are shamelessly ripped off! *dodges another solar blast*

Player 2: *on top of a random building* Heh heh heh… sorry, but you aren’t the original Morph Moth Flicker…oh, no. I do believe it is you who are the rip off… oh, yes!

Avi: You misbehaved little… *extends her arms, and begins to draw in random pieces of junk using Silk Shot*

Player 2: Hehehehehe… I can do that too! *extends his arms, and magnetically draws in random pieces of junk… which meld together and form another Void clone!*

Avi: Grrr… *tosses her “sculpture” at the clone; the clone is promptly destroyed* …Hah! I see they don’t make sculptures like they used to. You could learn some things from me, kid!

Player 2: Heh… *makes three more Void clones… and, that’s not counting the ten or so that are already standing behind him*

Avi: Urk… quantity over quality, I say! *dodges solar blast after solar blast… but is eventually hit, as there are too many to keep track of* Ah…

Player 2: Bwahahahaha!! The Hell Goat’s upgrades… the Cult’s magi-technology… I can make dozens of these as if it was nothing. Oh, yes… *watches Avi struggle to fight the dozen of them off* Now to entertain my dear, pretty flower… *looks to the ground*

Majin: *destroys another clone* w00t go me *buuuuurp*

*a dozen more clones show up in front of the sponge*

Majin: Ut oh *dances around their solar attacks, as he struggles to take them all on*

Player 2: Yes, yes, fight, my pretties… *creates more clones* Weaken them some more… I hunger ever so…

Avi: *destroys a clone* Ugh… for every one that falls, three more show up…

Majin: huff… *destroys yet another* huff… *collapses*

Player 2: Well, it looks like the first course is ready… heh heh heh! *dives off the building to go after Majin!*

Avi: N-NO! * goes after him, only to be hit with more solar beams*

Player 2: * licking his chops, he slowly walks towards the kneeling Majin* I shall savor this… oh yes… *opens his jaw*

Avi: Oh… oh no… *looks at the clones* Hm…? They… stopped?

Void Clones: *they begin to slow their advances*

Player 2: What is the meaning of–*feels a raindrop* Oh… no.

*And with that, it starts to rain–harder, and harder–the clones all begin to scrunch up, and… melt.*

Player 2: A fricken rainstorm. You… you can’t be serious! YOU CAN’T BE SERIOUS! My clones…

Majin: *gets up* let yur lov rain down on meeeee

Player 2: Grrrr… my dinner will just have to come to me then!! *breaks into the nearest building–a closed up office complex*

Avi: *descends* The clones are gone, and the maverick ran away… so…

Majin: beach invaders… *hic* invade! *runs into the building after Player 2*

Avi: Wait! Be careful! *charges in after him*

*Inside, Majin and Avi travel a ways until they find themselves in a very narrow hallway, with a certain, crazed psychopath waiting at the other end…*

Player 2: *Using his newest DNA sample, he makes a Wire Sponge clone* Yes… my dinner will come… *makes more Sponge clones*

Majin: ohai if yur maken a bunch of me’s y doint you eet them insteed

Player 2: Would you drink the beer that comes out from your–

Avi: Excuse me, THERE ARE CHILDREN HERE!! *aims a solar blast at Player 2, but one of the Majin clones shoves itself in the way*

Player 2: Children who drink alcohol. Some parent you are! *makes more clones of Majin, all of which charge towards our heroes*

Majin: shes not my mudder don’t insalt her *attacks his clones*

Avi: … *also attacks the clones*

Player 2: *makes more* Go… my pretties. Scatter around him. Do it now. *grins evilly*

Majin: *strangles more clones with his chains* hunh

*The narrow hallway quickly becomes crowded with fake Majins–all of them surround the real Wire Sponge, and an all-out Brawl seems to break out! With Majin attacking the clones, the clones attacking him, and even each other–the real Majin had soon become indistinguishable from the fakes.

The crowd of Wire Sponges blocked the hallway. On one end, was Player 2. On the other was Avi, who stood motionless, not exactly sure how to go about the situation…*

Player 2: Heh heh heh heh! Go on, blast me. I’ll be waiting here. I’m sure the possible sacrifice of your precious child will mean nothing to take down a deranged psychopath like me… all for a good cause… ha ha ha… HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Avi: *staring at the all-Sponge brawl* I… *looks up*

Player 2: Still thinking, Morph Moth Flicker? Ah ha ha ha… the choice should be easy. Blast Wire Sponge Drinker… and get me in the process. Or, you could walk away, and my clones can overwhelm you, and you’ll *both* end up on my dinner plate… oh, yes.

Avi: …um… sorry it took me so long to ask, but… why “Flicker” anyway? *takes out a red marker*

Player 2: Why “Flicker?” Why FLICKER?! The genius of I, Metal Shark PLAYER, extends beyond the knowledge of mortals!

Avi: Mmm hmmm. *draws on the walls*

Player 2: Those extensions at the ends of our names? Heh heh heh… they are no mere nicknames! But rather, the signatures of our internal psyches. To mere relics like you, these signatures go unnoticed… but with my scientific knowledge, and with the Cult’s powerful clairvoyance, I CAN SEE ALL!

Avi: You crazy. *finishes drawing*

Player 2: I’m soooooooooooooo hurt, relic.

Avi: Um… *stares at the wall*

Player 2: What are you doing, anyway?

Avi: I’m… starting a fire? I think…?

Player 2: …KYAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! A senile old relic indeed! You only drew some flames on the wall! A failed CPU like yours has no place in the world of Lord Mechalcanos! Other than in my belly!

Avi: …I need to stop doing this… *runs away*

Player 2: So you’re letting Wire Sponge Drinker die? Suit yourself, mother of the year! Prepare my Sponge dinner, clones!

*The clones cease their brawl, as they clear some room for Player 2 to claim his feast… as he leans over to chomp his prey, he notices something on the other end of the hallway–fire. Alarms begin to go off…*

Avi: *runs back onto the scene* Huff… found the kitchen… I did my part…

Player 2: Grrr… clones, continue the brawl! *they do so* This serves no problem. I’ll still be waiting here, while the fire catches up with YOU, Morph Moth Flicker!

Avi: Tell me… this… *is* a real fire this time, right?

Player 2: Why yes, my dear relic, it is.

Avi: Good.

Player 2: Heh heh heh… you seem so confident, but did you know that the Moth armor is weak against fire?

Avi: Um… phooey. But that’s a risk… worth taking… um, right?

Player 2: Pffft, REAL smart. You plan on trapping me in a burning building? HAH HAH HAH!!! *watches the flames spreading ever closer* I don’t mind my meals a *little* overdone, but–

**The sprinkler system goes off, not only dousing the flames, but dissolving the clones!**

Player 2: Wha… DAMN IT ALL!!

Avi: So, the senile old “relic” knew about the sprinklers, but the so-called “genius” didn’t.

Player 2: It… was just an oversight–*a sprinkler goes off over him!* N-NO!! MAKE IT STOP, MAKE IT STOP!!

Majin: *stumbles over to Player 2* lol ur a shark? Ur week to water??????? A SHARK!!! WEAK TO WATER!!!! *hic* LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!11111

Player 2: No… I’m not… *scrunches up into a fetal position, as he continues to be showered by the sprinkler* NOOO!!! I’LL RUST!! I’LL *RUST!!!* HELL GOAT, HELP ME!!!

Avi: …wow.

Majin: dood srsly ure a shark.

Player 2: H… Heaven’s rain… I… no… NO!!! I CAN’T GO DOWN LIKE THIS! NOOOOOO!!! HELP ME, HELP MEEEEEEE!!! HELL GOAT, LORD MECHALCANOS!!!

Majin: I LOL IN URE FASE *wraps a Strike Chain around Player 2, and electrocutes him*

Player 2: SDJFLKSDJFSDLKJFdkslfjsdlkfjdsFDSJLFJDSLKflsdfjksl *falls over, sizzling in a puddle of water*

Avi: WE DID IT! *glomps Majin*

Majin: owch that may or may not be a lidl creepy

*Later, in the local park… The rain had cleared up, and dawn had began to break. Our two heroes take this time to reflect on their victory.*

Avi: Today was a pretty fun day. Being a butterfly is so much fun!

Majin: ur a moff not a butt fly

Avi: No one will ever care to learn the difference. I mean, I sure don’t! *finishes drawing a mustache on the unconscious Player 2’s face for no real reason* There we go!

Majin: itz is evil twin *buuuurrrrp* needz more tophat and monocle

Player 2: *waking up* …urgh… the storm… is it… over? *feels himself being hoist up into the air* Hm?!

Avi: *carries P2 into the sky* Hi again, sonny. I’d just like to thank you for making me a butterfly and/or moth. So… thanks!

Player 2: You… did you save me from the shower of heaven’s judgement? Heh heh… a move you will soon learn to regret… oh, yes… yes indeed…

Avi: Well… Majin did say something along these lines–a fish’s place is not to be cooped up in somebody’s tank. Or cult, speaking non-metaphorically. But rather, they should be set free to swim in the oceans, the streams, and… *drops Player 2* …the lakes.

Player 2: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaa!!! HELL GOAT, LORD MECHALCANOS, AVENGE M–*splash!*

Avi: *lands beside Majin* YAY! Being a superhero is fun, I must admit! Is this like what you did with your friends, back in the day?

Majin: yus… me kinds a mistt them… even though their jerks in the end. >=( but crimefite is still cool yo

Avi: We could be the new… “Formation: Beach Invaders” or whatever they were called. I mean, being a superhero means publicity, and then… no more starving artist Avi!

Majin: hey wynaut letz dew eet!

Avi: Alright, it’s settled! Rawk on, Maj! *rawks*

Majin: …!!! Did u just…

Avi: I’m an artist in every sense of the word, kid. And rawking is an art form, is it not?

Majin: *hic* robble is ganna sue u cuz he sez only he and rudolf r allows to roke

Avi: Hahaha… right. Anyway… I guess we’d better get going. If things go the way one would expect them to… we may very well end up having to face this “Hell Goat” and “Mechalcanos,” wouldn’t you think?

Majin: mebe?

Avi: There’s one way to find out–TO ADVENTUUUUURE!~

Majin: 2 advenshure!!!11~ (…Mechalcanos…) *thinks back to Player 2’s comments…*

Player 2: And now, it is my life’s mission to find Mechalcanos… in one of you, Wire Sponge Drinker. One of you Code: Island Attackers!

Player 2: …negative. Your DNA does not match up with that of Lord Mechalcanos. You are not him. One of the other Island Attackers is, though…

Player 2: Any of the remaining five could be him… we are certain. It was foreseen by The Hell Goat himself… It won’t be long, heh heh heh.

Majin: to… advenshure…

The End…?

Monkey Madness

February 2, 2015

*Written by Shadowstrike*

*It had been one month since the CIA’s sudden break-up. With all of the members having gone their own way, it was a curious sight to see two unlikely members, still onboard the Whale King, stick together, for better or for worse…*

Shadowstrike: *singing* Oh, what a beautiful morning! Oh, what a beautiful day! I’ve got a wonderful feeling today’s going to be a–

Dark Knight: Hi.

Shadowstrike: …Miserable day…

Dark Knight: What are we doing?

Shadowstrike: Flying.

Dark Knight: Oh cool! Where are we going?

Shadowstrike: Wherever I want.

Dark Knight: Can we go to Disneyland?

Shadowstrike: No.

Dark Knight: Disney World?

Shadowstrike: Nope.

Dark Knight: EURO DISNEY?

Shadowstrike: No! I’ve decided that I am going to fulfill my life long dream now that the opportunity presents itself.

Dark Knight: Was this before or after you killed Rebel?

Shadowstrike: Mmm… after.

Dark Knight: And I thought I was messed up.

Shadowstrike: Shut your face.

Dark Knight: ‘Kay. So what dream is this?

Shadowstrike: To become a bounty hunter.

Dark Knight: At Disney Land?

Shadowstrike: Are you still on about that?

Dark Knight: Listen Shadow, my inner demon beckons this… If you know what’s good for you, YOU WILL TAKE ME TO DISNEY WORLD!! *eyes glow red*

Shadowstrike: Dude, calm down. Here… you fly; keep going straight. I’m going to go make breakfast. *leaves room*

Dark Knight: But it’s 3 in the afternoon! Oh well. *grabs the pilot’s wheel*

*Suddenly, there is a flash of bright light appears before DK, momentarily blinding him.*

Dark Knight: Hey! What the Hell? I’m flying here! *is grabbed* What the Hell, man!?

???: EEK! EEK!

Dark Knight: Shadow! Help!!

Shadowstrike: *in the kitchen* Makin’ french toast! Busy!

Dark Knight: OH DEAR GOD, THEY ARE PUTTING ME IN A BAG! OH GOD, NO!

Shadowstrike: Eatin’ french toast! Shut up!

*The chaos is quieted down as DK and his kidnappers disappear with another bright flash.*

Shadowstrike: …Good, he finally shut up. *walks back into the bridge * Aw God damn it, he wasn’t lying. And the ship is crashing. Well, it is Tuesday… *quickly grabs controls*

Man: *behind Shadow* This seems like a problem.

Shadowstrike: *turns around* Who in the Hell are you?

*The man did appear to be quite odd. Sporting mostly black and grey clothes, complete with shades that hide his eyes entirely from view, the only thing that noticeably stood out was his bright red hair, which half of which was shaved off, that jutted out to one side in a mess of spikes. The man himself, however, sported a great smile, trying to show he meant no harm.*

Man: They call me Cyphos, but please, no Mr. Cyphos! *hands him a card*

Shadowstrike: *looks at it* You work at a general store? How’d you get on this ship?

Cyphos: I have my ways of getting around, Mr. Shadowstrike!

Shadowstrike: How’d you know my name?

Cyphos: Oh, details, details… always with the details, Mr. Shadowstrike! *laughs* All you need to know is that I am here to help a good sir such as yourself out.

Shadowstrike: Really, like what?

Cyphos: Well, it seems your friend has been kidnapped.

Shadowstrike: Really? I thought he was just hiding.

Cyphos: Hahaha, that’s a good one, Mr. Shadowstrike! Now here’s another good one–it seems as though your friend was taken through time!

Shadowstrike: Why the Hell would they do that?

Cyphos: So he is even better hidden, of course!

Shadowstrike: Well then, nothing can be done. Let’s keep flying.

Cyphos: You don’t want to save him?

Shadowstrike: I have no way of time travel.

Cyphos: *laughs some more* Well, as I stated, I work for a general store… and we just so happen to carry some time machines!

Shadowstrike: …Wait, why have I never heard about this?

Cyphos: You’re obviously not with the times! *suddenly serious* Everyone has a time machine nowadays.

Shadowstrike: Ugh… so you’re going to con me into buying one, aren’t you?

Cyphos: How could you say that!? I am hurt, Mr. Shadowstrike. Look, I’ll do you a favor… and give you some coupons! *hands him a book*

Shadowstrike: *looks at it* This isn’t even for your store.

Cyphos: Whoops! My bad! *takes it back* We’ll just worry about the details later then, mm’kay?

Shadowstrike: Fine, whatever. But I still don’t trust you. What exactly are you doing here?

Cyphos: *raises hands up innocently* Oopsie-daisy! Well, allow me to explain then, good sir. The ones who kidnapped Mr. Dark Knight are monkeys.

Shadowstrike: Yep, and I’m a monkey’s uncle.

Cyphos: Well if you are, you could have fooled me! Regardless, those monkeys belonged to the store I work at.

Shadowstrike: And let me guess, you sell monkeys along with your time machine.

Cyphos: *serious* No, we just like monkeys.

Shadowstrike: …I see.

Cyphos: *smiling broadly* Anyway, the monkeys got loose, and stole some of the time machine equipment along with some other products for their own misuse. Using my monkey radar (which is also for sale at our store), I tracked them down to this location, and thus… here I am!

Shadowstrike: So let me get this straight… you work at a general store that sells time machines and monkey radars, and you keep a bunch of monkeys around because you like them, only for them to escape and get on board this ship somehow, which resulted in Dark Knight getting kidnapped and sent through time?

Cyphos: Hmm… that about sums it up, I’d say! *starts rubbing hands together* Now, will you please lend me your assistance?

Shadowstrike: I don’t know… I was busy eatin’ french toast…

Cyphos: Wellll… I heard that you were also interested in becoming a bounty hunter… Consider it training!

Shadowstrike: *exasperated* All right, fine. Just take me to one of your time machines.

Cyphos: Well, you are indeed in luck, Mr. Shadowstrike, for I came especially prepared and already set one up on the ship!

*Enthusiastically, Cyphos grabs Shadow and drags him to a lower level of the ship, into a room that was completely decked out with high tech equipment, and a strange pad in the middle.*

Shadowstrike: The Hell? I thought you said you just installed a time machine!

Cyphos: It’s not just a time machine… It’s a time STATION!! And all of this is yours for five easy payments of $39.99!

Shadowstrike: …Mr. Cyphos.

Cyphos: *serious* Oh, please, call me Cyphos, Mr. Shadowstrike. I hate formalities.

Shadowstrike: …Right. Well, I don’t remember ever agreeing to purchasing anything.

Cyphos: Then let’s just call this a free trial!

Shadowstrike: *facepalms*

Cyphos: Anyway, I will help monitor your progress from here while you go out there and catch some monkeys. I think this will make us quite the team!

Shadowstrike: What do I need to do now?

Cyphos: Let me see… first, you need to get some special weapons for this time travel!

Shadowstrike: Special weapons? Like what?

Cyphos: Well, here, have a look see! *weapons appear before Shadow *

Shadowstrike: Is this a butterfly net? Okay, I’ll use them somehow. Maybe I can be awesome with these. What do you want in return?

Cyphos: Don’t worry about that yet, Mr. Shadowstrike! *serious* We have more important things right now, do we not?

Shadowstrike: We do?

Cyphos: *smiling* Like saving your friend, Mr. Dark Knight?

Shadowstrike: We’re still doing that?

Cyphos: *laughs* You are!

Shadowstrike: I am?

Cyphos: Yes, yes you are!

Shadowstrike: Aw… okay. What do I do now?

Cyphos: Well, just stand on that platform in the middle and you will be teleported to the nearest time stream that Dark Knight is in.

Shadowstrike: I just step–*steps on the platform and disappears *

Cyphos: Thaaaaat’s right!

*In a prehistoric time, with dinosaurs and an active volcano…*

Shadowstrike: –here? Wait! What?! Where the hell am I?!

T-rex: *roars and charges *

Shadowstrike: Oh, god damn it! *runs off *

*A few hours later…*

Shadowstrike: Day 1, Time Stamp… unsure. Personal Log #1. I arrived here, crashed into the mud. I’m hiding in a tree and am unsure of my mission. Will look for Dark Knight in the morning. Will kick ass upon finding. End log.

*The next day…*

Shadowstrike: *yawns* All right, let’s go! *starts to run but trips on a wire* What the!?

???: EEK! EEK! *throws a net on Shadow*

Shadowstrike: Aw, god damn it! *cuts the net to pieces with a Sonic Slicer*

???: EEK! EEK! *knocks Shadow out with a boulder*

*Later…*

Shadowstrike: Ugh… this trip is fucking horrible.

Dark Knight: *in a cage* Told you we should have gone to Disney World!

Shadowstrike: YOU! I’ll KILL YOU! *tries to run but realizes he is chained*

???: Well, hello there, Ostrich Man.

Shadowstrike: The name is Shadowstrike, get it right.

???: I will call you Ostrich Man.

Shadowstrike: Call me that again and I will break your neck.

Dark Knight: I don’t know, Ostrich Man has a better ring to it.

Shadowstrike: *looks at Dark Knight* I’m not talking to you.

Dark Knight: But–

Shadowstrike: NOT.

Dark Knight: OSTRIC-

Shadowstrike: TALKING TO YOU!

???: Hello. I’m still here, can I finish my monologue?

Shadowstrike: Sure, go ahead.

???: Well, Ostrich Man, you are in the privilege of being in the presence of the new Supreme Being of the Universe!

Shadowstrike: Man, its Wednesday again, isn’t it?

???: Now, bow before your master… SPECTOR!

Shadowstrike: Nah, I’m gonna call you Monkey Man.

Dark Knight: Cos he’s the monkey, he’s the monkey man, really really really really monkey man!

Specter: Quiet, fool! *shocks DK*

Dark Knight: Ow! Since when do I get shocked!?

Shadowstrike: I like this guy.

Specter: Anyway, I know you were sent by that Cyphos fellow to capture me and my cohorts. But you will not succeed.

Shadowstrike: And what makes you say that?

Specter: One who knows nothing, understands nothing…

Dark Knight: Do tell. *shocked* Okay, going to shut up now…

Specter: Your simple presence here signifies that your fate, along with your crabby friend here, has been determined and sealed. Even if you somehow manage to stop me–

Shadowstrike: Yeah, yeah, I’m bored now. Can we just get this over with?

Specter: Tell you what: I’m feeling sporty, Ostrich Man. I’m going to release my minions into this jungle. If you manage to capture them all, I’ll release your friend. Now go, and make my day! Bwahahaha! *Shadow’s lock release*

Shadowstrike: Grr… I’ll get you for this Monkey Man! *runs off *

Dark Knight: So… um…

Specter: *shocks DK again*

Dark Knight: *knocked out*

*Out in the jungle…*

Shadowstrike: Got myself into a zany adventure here. Now how am I gonna capture some monkeys?

Cyphos: *voice* Why Mr. Shadowstrike, just use some of those time weapons I gave you!

Shadowstrike: Oh, hey there, Cyphos. What do you mean?

Cyphos: Well, I gave you a stun baton.

Shadowstrike: Aw, I thought this was a lightsabre.

Cyphos: And you also have a time net! Capture anything in that, and they will be transported here to the time station, where I will make short work of them!

Shadowstrike: Anything else?

Cyphos: *serious* I’m sure Mr. Shadowstrike doesn’t need anything else.

Shadowstrike: You’re right! These monkeys are done!

Cyphos: *laughs* That they are! Now get to it!

Shadowstrike: I’m so on this! *runs and trips on a banana peel* OW!

Monkey: EEK! EEEK! EEK!

Shadowstrike: OH, GET BACK HERE! *runs towards the monkey*

Monkey: EEEK! *helmet turns red and climbs a tree*

Shadowstrike: OH, NO YOU DON’T *is hit by a coconut* GRR! *another coconut* GRR!! *another coconut* …I’ll be back for you! *runs off*

Monkey: EEK! *Dances and falls off the tree*

*In another part of the jungle…*

Monkey: Eek, eek EEK! *sees a banana* EEEK!! *goes barreling towards the banana and gets caught in a leg rope trap* EEK!* reaches valiantly for the banana*

Shadowstrike: Haha! Got ya! *bashes him with the stun club* This is sooo therapeutic. Okay, sorry little buddy. *catches him in the time net, and he disappears *

Cyphos: Good job, Mr. Shadowstrike! You caught your first monkey!

Shadowstrike: And I ain’t done yet!

*In some ruined temples…*

Shadowstrike: Where the Hell did ruined temples come from? There’s a T-rex stomping around here for crying out loud.

Monkey: *wearing shades* EEK! *starts firing an uzi at Shadowstrike*

Shadowstrike: Aw, come on! An uzi? Damn, that means he can’t die. *dodges effortlessly* Still this is gonna suck–*gets shot in the foot*–OW! GOD DAMNIT! *throws a Sonic Slicer, slicing the uzi in half*

Monkey: EEK! EEEK! *runs towards Shadow, now wearing boxing gloves* EEK!

Shadowstrike: Oh, bring it on! *swings the stun club*

Monkey: EEK!

*The monkey catches stun club, and punches Shadowstrike in the face. He goes flying out of the ruins.*

Shadowstrike: God… damn it! *races in only to go flying out again* GOD DAMN IT! *does it again* GOD DAMN IT!! *one more time* Okay… okay. Calm it down. Calm it down. Let’s use my brain. *calmly walks into the ruins*

Monkey: EEEK! *charges and swings at Shadowstrike*

Shadowstrike: *parries with the stun club* Not this time.

Monkey: *punches and punches to no avail, each one being parried by the Stun Club* EEK! *steps back and does a charge swing *

Shadowstrike: *dodges and trips the monkey with the stun club*

Monkey: *falls and is stunned*

Shadowstrike: Nice try, primate! *catches the monkey in the time net*

Cyphos: Monkey get! Move on to the next one, Mr. Shadowstrike.

Shadowstrike: Heh. I plan on it!

*Later…*

Monkey: *wearing blue pants* EEK! *hops on a Triceratops*

Shadowstrike: How… how the Hell am I gonna…

Monkey: EEK! *points at Shadow and the triceratops starts to charge towards him*

Shadowstrike: God damn it! *runs*

Monkey: EEK EEK EEK!

Shadowstrike: Gotta time this right… *jumps and throws the monkey net backwards*

Monkey: EEEK!! *is captured*

*Upon capturing the monkey, the triceratops suddenly calms down and begins eating some grass.*

Shadowstrike: Phew. That could have gone worse. *just then another monkey appears* You again! *runs*

Monkey: EEK! EEK! *grabs time net and runs up his tree*

Shadowstrike: GOD DAMNIT! YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! OH, YOU ARE SO DONE! *tries to jump up the three but is bashed on the head by a coconut* Okay, time for the smart idea. *throws a Sonic Slicer and chops down the tree*

Monkey: EEK!! *is knocked out by the tree falling down*

Shadowstrike: I’ll take that back. *grabs the time net and catches the monkey*

Cyphos: Great job, Mr. Shadowstrike! There is only one monkey left to catch!

Shadowstrike: Heh, not for much longer! *runs off*

*In a deep valley…*

Shadowstrike: All right, there’s the last monkey… and he’s riding a T-rex… grrreeeeaaaat…

Monkey: EEK! *the monkey makes the T-rex charge towards Shadow*

Shadowstrike: Shit! *runs, but trips and gets cornered* Oh, I would trip now! Damn it!

T-rex: GRWARRRR!! *charges towards the downed Shadowstrike*

Shadowstrike: Well, this has been fun. *readys a Sonic Slicer* I’ll make sure he chokes.

*Right as the T-rex is about to slam into Shadow another T-rex stops him, pushing him aside!*

Shadowstrike: What?! Oh, it’s that one from before…

T-rex #2: ROARRR!! *slams his tail into the other T-rex and the monkey goes flying into the cliff wall and is embedded*

Shadowstrike: Now’s my chance! *dashes off towards the monkey and catches it* Hell yeah! *strikes a pose* Mission Complete! *power slides and hears a large crash* Oh man! What happened with those T-rexes?

T-rex #2: *stands over the other fallen T-rex and looks at Shadow* ROARRR!!

Shadowstrike: Aw… come on…

*Back at Spector’s Lair…*

Dark Knight: I’m warnin’ ya! You better let me out now or you’ll have to suffer the wrath of THE DEMON WITHIN ME!! OOOooooOOOooooOOOHHH!!

Specter: … *shocks DK*

Dark Knight: Ow…

Specter: Hmm… It would seem that all of my minions have been removed from the area. Your companion did a fine job.

Dark Knight: Yeah, but I probably could have done it better. Then I could have kicked your ass back to Kentucky!

Specter: Ugh… you are too loud. *shocks DK again*

Dark Knight: STOP THAT!!

Specter: Honestly, at this point I am hoping your friend will show up so I can do away with you. I have many plans and it doesn’t involve playing games with a crab and ostrich.

Dark Knight: What kind of plans?

Specter: Like… TAKING OVER THE UNIVERSE!!

Bison: OF COURSE!!

Specter: How did you get here? I don’t remember letting you in! Get out of my sight!

Bison: Fine, whatever. *cough* Asshole. *cough*

Specter: *watching him leave* Now, let’s try that again…

Dark Knight: OF CO–*shocked yet again*–IT WAS A JOKE, SHEESH!!

Specter: Once more, I–*the ground starts shaking* What is that noise?

Dark Knight: Iunno.

*The shaking increases, as the walls starts to rattle, threatening to crumble apart! Then finally, at the last minute, the door breaks wide open, revealing…*

Shadowstrike: *riding the T-rex* MONKEY MAAAAAN!!

Dark Knight: *cowering* We’re all going to die!

Specter: *unphased* Oh good, it’s you. You couldn’t have arrived a moment sooner. *frees Dark Knight* Take your friend and go… or better yet, I’ll do it myself. Universe to conquer and all that. *begins to leave*

Shadowstrike: OH NO YOU WON’T!

*The T-rex swings his tail at Spector, knocking him into the air.*

Specter: This is QUITE a BOTHER! *lands back on his feet and raises his hand*

Shadowstrike and T-rex: *hit by an unseen force* Ugh!

Specter: Now I will TAKE my leave and you will WATCH as your UNIVERSE is torn ASUNDER!

Dark Knight: Not so fast! *hits Spector with a volley of bubbles*

Specter: Grah! Cheeky crab! Perhaps it was a mistake letting you out of your cage so soon. No matter. *blasts DK back with his powers*

Dark Knight: Whoa! *hits the wall* Urgh…

Specter: I have no time for this monkey business. I have many things to do! Busy, busy, busy! *turns to leave*

Shadowstrike: *slowly getting back up* I… don’t… think so…! *throws the stun club*

Specter: *turns around and knocks it out of the way*

Dark Knight: *gets hit with it* Owch!

Specter: Fool. You should have learned by now that there is no hope for you to win! *hits Shadow with more force*

Shadowstrike: Oogh! *gets pressed back*

Specter: *walking toward Shadow* I will gladly crush every bone in your body, Ostrich Man!

Shadowstrike: For the last time… it’s… Shadowstrike!

Specter: OSTRICH MAN!!

*The scene continues as Shadow screams in pain, as Spector applies more force, with the intent on crushing him.*

Specter: And now, with this, I will prove to you why I am the dominant force in the universe–*gets clobbered upside the head*

Dark Knight: *holding the stun club* …

Shadowstrike: *gasping for breath* …

Dark Knight: …So…

Shadowstrike: GIVE ME THAT!! *takes the club and bashes DK over the head with it*

Dark Knight: Ow! What was that for?

Shadowstrike: I was supposed to be the hero of this story!

Dark Knight: Oh… well, you can still capture him.

Shadowstrike: Meh, I guess. *captures Spector with the time net*

Cyphos: Good work, Mr. Shadowstrike! And I see Mr. Dark Knight is safe, too!

Dark Knight: Who is that?

Shadowstrike: Cyphos. He’s a cool dude.

Cyphos: Please, I am not worthy of such words! Now, should I teleport you all back to the time station?

Shadowstrike: As long as we bring my bud! *points at the T-rex*

T-rex: *slowly gets back up and roars*

Dark Knight: …A T-rex? Really?

Shadowstrike: His name is Shepard. Isn’t it Shepard? *pats Shepard on the head*

Shepard: *roars happily*

Cyphos: All righty, then. Teleporting you all back!

Shadowstrike: Go for it!

Cyphos: Right away, Mr. Shadowstrike! *a bright flash and the three are back in the time station*

Shadowstrike: Thanks Cyphos. We really appreciate your help.

Cyphos: Oh, not a problem at all! I do love to lend a helping hand! Plus we captured Spector and the rest of those no-good monkeys. I’m certain that peace will soon be restored to the world!

Dark Knight: If you say so.

Cyphos: But I do! But please… *gets serious* I hope you will consider purchasing a time machine.

Shadowstrike: After all of this you still want to sell one!?

Cyphos: But of course I do! What kind of salesman would I be to let a little old thing like the fate of the entire universe prevent me from selling products! Hahaha!

Dark Knight: He’s got a point.

Shadowstrike: Quiet, you.

Cyphos: Anyway, with this I believe I shall bid you gentlemen farewell. *nods* Mr. Shadowstrike; Mr. Dark Knight.

*With that Cyphos begins to walk away, leaving the two adventurers alone.*

Shadowstrike: …You know, he left all of that time equipment here.

Dark Knight: Eh, could be worse. *pauses* It just isn’t the same…

Shadowstrike: Go cry more.

Dark Knight: I won’t if we go to Tokyo DisneySea.

Shadowstrike: Enough with the Disney already!

Dark Knight: INNER DEMON!!

Shadowstrike: I DON’T CARE.

Dark Knight: Hmph. Fine. At least I can go play with the dino. *goes to pet Shepard but he chases him around the station* AAAAAAAAAAH! WHAT THE HELL!?

Shadowstrike: Oh yeah, I trained him to do that. Isn’t he just the best dinosaur?

Shepard: ROAAAR!!

The End

Series Five Prologue

January 30, 2015

*Written by Rebel4000*

*Note: These are going to be the last few epilogues for the C:IA. Series five was never completed. I still have some extra content we did  but after that we will have to say farewell to the Code: Island Attackers*

*It had been several months since the CIA managed to finally defeat Yuber. Although such an event had caused much relief and even celebration, due to the CIA losing Void Darkheart to events prior caused tensions to run extremely high, resulting in such feelings to be short-lived. It was due to this that a decision was finally met…*

Sean: *packing his belongings when he hears a knock on the door* Come in!

Outlaw: *enters* Heya Sean buddy.

Sean: Oh… hey Outlaw.

Outlaw: Um… you sure you really want to do this?

Sean: …Yeah. The team hasn’t really been the same since Void left… and we haven’t really accomplished much since Yuber.

Outlaw: Well, I’m not certain if the others will say it, but I will miss you, man.

Sean: Same here… I hope the modifications I made on the hyper forms will help, though.

Outlaw: I’m surprised you actually did it. I mean, it was Void’s greatest invention. Kinda seems like we are erasing his memory almost by doing so…

Sean: It was Rebel’s idea. I wasn’t really keen on it, but he pretty much FORCED me to do it. Which is another reason why I’m leaving.

Outlaw: Don’t let boss bug’s words get to ya, Sean.

Sean: No, I’m serious, Outlaw. He has really gone down the drain and his behavior is really unacceptable. Plus getting shocked every single hour is starting to really get on my nerves.

Outlaw: Yeah… sorry ’bout that…

Sean: Eh, there really isn’t much need to apologize. You’ve never purposefully tried to activate my curse, anyway. But I am serious about Rebel, though; he’s become extremely moody and to be honest, I’m actually scared to even be near him. Like, he could snap at any moment over anything.

Outlaw: …

Sean: Anyway, I am pretty much done packing. I think I will let myself off…

Outlaw: Okay…

*The team had slowly started to break away, one by one. The even worse part was, no one really seemed to care… save for Outlaw.*

Outlaw: *in front of Rebel’s room* Here we go… *enters* Boss bug…?

Rebel: *watching TV with a Coke in hand* …

Outlaw: Boss bug, ya there?

Rebel: …What?

Outlaw: Um… Sean left.

Rebel: Hmph, that so? Well good riddance. We don’t need a loser like him anyway. *drinks Coke*

Outlaw: C’mon man, don’t say that! We shouldn’t be letting people go like this! Dark Knight has already disappeared… he didn’t even give a warning. Now Sean… We should do something to get the team motivated again.

Rebel: *annoyed* Like what?

Outlaw: Like, uh… fight crime? Like we used to do–

Rebel: Outlaw.

Outlaw: Yeah?

Rebel: I think I’m tired of fighting crime.

Outlaw: What?

Rebel: I’m tired of it. I don’t want anything to do with it.

Outlaw: But you haven’t even tried doing so! Ever since Yuber you’ve lost all of your drive and motivation to do anything!

Rebel: Because I got my revenge… and that’s all I needed. So now I’m done.

Outlaw: Void would be sad to hear this–

Rebel: Don’t you dare mention that damn name to me!

Outlaw: …Sorry…

Rebel: Ugh… *drinks Coke* Just get out.

Outlaw: But boss bug…

Rebel: I said get out! Leave me alone.

Outlaw: Fine…

*A few days later…*

Rebel: He WHAT!?

Metabad: Outlaw flew the coop, dude. He just said he was gonna “live the dream” and hopped off the ship.

Rebel: That… damn traitor! How could he!? I WILL KILL HIM!!

Majin: burrrrp dont werry 2 much bout it rrrreb

Rebel: Majin, shut the Hell up! You stupid drunk!

Majin: rooooo…

Metabad: Whoa, no need to be so angry, dude. Rawkers have no need for teh angerz, remember?

Rebel: Metabad, you shut up too!

Metabad: B-but we’re rawk buddies… of the Super Awesome Fighting Force–

Rebel: SCREW THE SUPER AWESOME FIGHTING FORCE!!

Metabad: Wha… what…?

Rebel: Jesus, you are so annoying sometimes! I can’t believe I even bothered picking you up when we were searching for replacements*!

*See Series 2, Epilogue #22 “Dissed in the Digital World (part 2)”

Majin and Metabad: …

Rebel: Replacements… yeah, that’s what all of you guys are! Just some stupid replacements! Well I don’t need you! I DON’T NEED ANY OF YOU!!

Shadowstrike: *enters the room* ALL OF YOU BE QUIET, I’M TRYING TO PILOT!!

Rebel: WHO’RE YOU YELLING AT!?

Metabad: HEY DON’T YELL AROUND ME!!

Majin: WAZ DIS BOUT YO!?

Rebel: I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TWO TO SHUT IT!?

Shadowstrike: Reb, don’t you even DARE tell us what to do! I’ve had it up to HERE with your mouth! *gestures*

Rebel: Oh yeah!? Well too bad! I’ll say whatever I wanna say ’cause this is MY ship!

Metabad: I thought it was all ours?

Rebel: Hah, like I’d give you guys anything!? Don’t make me laugh!

Majin: im a sad majin… rooo…

Rebel: So yeah, this is MY ship and if you don’t like it, then why don’t you all just the Hell out?

Shadowstrike: Why should WE get out? If anything you’re the one who is most deserving!

Rebel: Didn’t you just hear!? I said this was my ship! So it belongs to me! M-E!

Shadowstrike: Not if I force you out!

Rebel: Say what–

Shadowstrike: *grabs Rebel*

Majin and Metabad: !?

Rebel: *gets lifted off the ground* Wh-what the Hell are you doing!? I’m your leader… you can’t do this to me…!

Shadowstrike: Oh, shut up. *opens an emergency door*

Rebel: *feels the air pull* Sh-Shadow… Wait a second! Think about what you are doing!

Shadowstrike: Oh, I know perfectly well what I’m doing… *let’s go of Rebel*

Rebel: *gets sucked out of the ship* NOOOOOOoooo…

Shadowstrike: THAT’S WHAT YOU GET FOR MAKING FUN OF ME AND MY BUCKETS!! *closes the door*

Metabad: D-dude… did you just kill Rebel!?

Majin: me a scared widdle spongey-wungey

Shadowstrike: Who the heck cares if I killed him or not? I sure don’t!

Metabad: But that was totally unrawkin’! It was like… everything that was not rawkin’, rolled into a ball!

Shadowstrike: Man, are you still talking about rawkin’ after all this!? What the Hell is wrong with you!?

Metabad: GOOD SIR, I DO NOT APPROVE OF YOUR ACTIONS!! *turns to leave*

Shadowstrike: Where are you going!?

Metabad: To find Reb. I dunno about you, but I’m not ready to give up on him! *leaves*

Shadowstrike: Fine, then leave. AT LEAST I STILL HAVE MAJIN!! Right, Majin?

Majin: FLIPPERS WAIT FOR TEH PORCUPINES *starts flopping like a fish and leaves*

Shadowstrike: M-Majin!?

*And like that, the members of the CIA had all gone their own ways, none of them looking back. The only person who appeared to stay onboard the Whale King was Shadow, who simply walked back to the controls to steer the ship.*

Shadowstrike: …So, this is how it ends, huh? Never thought it would be so… quiet.

Dark Knight: *falls through the ventilation shaft* Finally found that damn sock! It eluded me for WEEKS!!

Shadowstrike: God damn it.

The End


Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 229 other followers