Trump Card

* Written by ProtoBassX

*It was a quiet night inside the Island Attackers base, everyone was quietly asleep except one*
PBX: Where do we keep the chocolate cake again? … I hate being an insomniac. It’s so boring in the night when everyone’s asleep… that’s the reason why I’m so hyperactive in the day. Why am I talking to myself again?

Rebel: ZzZ… the real CIA has nothing on us… kill Crab…

PBX: Er… I have an idea! I’ll see what everyone’s dreaming about by listening to what they mumble in their sleep! Hee hee, I’m an evil little crab… *tip-toes to Outlaw’s room*

Outlaw: ZzZ… mmm, sewage…

PBX: Ew… *tip-toes to GDT’s room*

GDT: ZzZ… kill Magna… take over Island Attackers.. rule with an iron fist…

PBX: I smell rebellion. *tip-toes to Void’s room*


PBX: I guess he doesn’t talk in his sleep… *tip-toes to Ti-An’s room*

Void: Crab’s nosy. I hope Donald Trump comes to abduct him. He thought I was asleep. Hah.

PBX: Where’s Ti-An? He should’ve been here and I didn’t hear him leave his room. I’ve been awake all night. I hope he wasn’t abducted by someone like Donald Trump… Oh well, I’ll just keep going. *Tip-toes to Ghaleon’s room*

Ghaleon: Legacy of Kain… Raziel… Blood Omen… Lodoss… ZzZ…

PBX: That was strange… *Tip-toes to Deathtuna’s room*

Deathtuna: ZzZ.. die Burner Man.. no not again…

PBX: Poor Deathtuna…

???: OOF!

PBX: What was that? Sounded like it came from outside. *Walks to door* Hey, I hear something…

Ti-An: You’ll never take me alive!

???: That’s okay.

*There is a “clunk” sound*

PBX: I better help! *Opens door* God damnit, I knew it.

Serges: *Clobbers PBX over the head with a club* Ya-ba-daba-doo!

Agile: You’ve been watching too many Flintstones episodes…

Violen: Baba-loo!

Agile: And you too many “I love Lucy” reruns. Let’s take these two to the boss.

Violen: You think the boss is gonna let us ride the golf carts on his golf resort?

Serges: Shut up Violen. The audience isn’t supposed to know who the boss is.

Violen: Yeah. Right. Er, so how do we get off this island? We parachuted here, remember?




Agile: Call the boss.

Serges: Right. *Pulls out a cell phone and dials* … Boss? How do we get out of here?

???: I never should’ve  said “You’re hired.” When you’re done, I might say my catch phrase.

Serges: No boss! Not the catch phrase! Please! We’ll be more efficient!

???: Fine. Just bring Ti-An to me.

Serges: We’ve also obtained Bubble Crab.

???: Excellent… one of my Million Dollar Helicopters should be picking you up soon. Report to me when you’re off the island.

Serges: Yes sir. *Click* A heli should pick us up soon.

Agile: All right, be quiet until it comes. We might wake up the others. It is after all 3:00 in the morning. …Violen wake up! *Kicks Violen awake*

Violen: Oops. Yeah… don’t you guys think the boss is gonna end up being manipulated by Sigma?

Serges: Of course not. Sigma’s been defeated so many times, it’s not even funny. There’s no way he’ll be back.

Violen: But it’s possible–

Serges: No it’s not. Shut up.

Agile: Yeesh, you’re really offensive when it comes to Sigma.

Serges: Well the all mighty SIGMA couldn’t even give us our own dental plan. He didn’t like us, and the pay sucked…. The helicopter’s here.

*The X-Hunters get on the helicopter with PBX and Ti-An in duffle bags and the helicopter flies away*

Rebel: *Waking up* … what was that noise? It sounded like a helicopter that cost 1 million dollars and maybe owned by Donald Trump fly away to an island only 500 yards away… I should wake up the others. Or maybe I should fall back asleep…

Outlaw: *Walks in* Too late. I woke up.

Rebel: Oh… damn you. Let’s have a team meeting. Something’s suspicious… *Walks into main room* TEAM MEETING!

*The team assembles near Rebel, except for PBX and Ti-An*

GDT, Void, Ghaleon, Deathtuna: Mumble, mumble… why are we up so early? *Yawn*

GDT: Where’s PBX and Ti-An?

Ghaleon: Maybe they’re outside.

Outlaw: This early?

Deathtuna: What are we doing again? *falls asleep*

Rebel: *Kicks Deathtuna awake* Something suspicious is going on. First, I hear the sound of a helicopter. Second, PBX and Ti-An are missing–

GDT: How do you know? You haven’t even checked the base, have you?

Rebel: Of course not. I have a gut feeling. And since I’m the leader that makes me always right.

GDT: *mumble* Iron fist…

Rebel: Hmm?

GDT: Er, nothing.

Outlaw: So it seems we have to rescue those two. Who could’ve taken them? Let’s brainstorm.

Deathtuna: ZzZ… no… get away from me X-hunters… I don’t have your weakness so leave… me alone… *snore*

Ghaleon: That’s it! The X-hunters must’ve taken them. But why? Let’s brainstorm some more.

Deathtuna: ZzZ… No.. get away from me… Donald Trump… new boss of the X-hunters…

GDT: That’s it! Donald Trump must’ve hired the X-hunters to kidnap Ti-An, but Bubble Crab heard some noise outside, since he’s an insomniac, went to help Ti-An and got caught! It makes perfect sense!

Rebel: Actually…

Ghaleon: No.

Outlaw: It doesn’t.

Deathtuna: ZzZ… perfect sense…

Void: Well, let’s go look for them anyways. To the Island Attackers Rescue and Special Operations Vehicles Cave!

Outlaw: I vote for a new name of that cave.

Ghaleon: I second that vote.

Deathtuna: ZzZ…

*The team went to the Island Attackers Rescue and Special Operations Vehicles Cave and got in the van*

GDT: We really need a new name for this cave… we should transform so we won’t be seen in our real form. *Transforms*

Rebel: Good idea GDT. *Transforms*

Outlaw: I don’t wanna be the rat guy…

Void: Suck it up man. *Transforms*

Outlaw: Eh, whatever. *Transforms*

Ghaleon: Wee! *Transforms*

Deathtuna: ZzZ… eh? *Transforms* Can I get back to my beauty sleep now? …ZzZ…

Rebel: Good. Now who’s driving?

Ghaleon: I guess I will. Where are we driving to again?

Rebel, Outlaw, Deathtuna, GDT, Void:

Void: Well, I fixed up the van so it can fly now.

Outlaw: When did this happen? *Barfs on a sleeping Deathtuna*

Void: Yesterday. Just press the red button.

Rebel: If this is anything like Men in Black, don’t press the red button Ghaleon.

Ghaleon: Did you just say to press the red button? Okie dokie.

Rebel: Wait Ghal, No!

Ghaleon: *Pushes the red button* Hey nothing happened.

Void: 3.. 2.. 1..

*The van sprouts wings and boosts to 200 mph instantly*

Outlaw: Oh man, I’m dizzy… *barfs all over everyone*

GDT: So now that we’re going 200 mph, let’s slow down before we crash into something and… I dunno… DIE?!

Ghaleon: Way ahead of ya. *Turns the van around in the sky and slows it to 35 mph*

Rebel: Wait, what was the point of that?

Void: There isn’t one, I just like seeing you guys panic.

GDT: Don’t make me strangle you…

Void: Excuse me?

GDT: Huh? I didn’t say anything.

Rebel: Hey Ghal. Land in front of that suspicious-looking warehouse.

Ghaleon: You mean that one? *points*

Rebel: Yeah, that one.

Outlaw: Does anyone else find it strange that the suspicious-looking warehouse is on an solitary island only 500 yards away from our base?

GDT: No.

Ghaleon: Not really.

Deathtuna: ZzZ… get away from… me Pirate Man…!

GDT: Can I throw him out of the van?

Rebel: No.

GDT: Aww, man.

Ghaleon: *Parks the winged van in front of the suspicious-looking warehouse* So, now what? We just charge in there?

Rebel: Of course. My “Leader Antics” drive me to do such acts. But first we gotta transform. *Transforms*

Void: You and your “Leader Antics”… well, let’s transform. *Transforms* Ah, much better.

Outlaw: Woot, no more rat guy! *Transforms*

GDT: I like my alter ego… *Transforms*

Deathtuna: ZzZ… wha? Oh yeah, that thing… *Transforms*

Ghaleon: Woo-hoo, back to my old self. *Transforms*

Void: Okay, it seems like we’re ready…

Rebel: Okay, now we charge in to the suspicious-looking warehouse, that of which we don’t even know if it’s where Bubble and Wire are being held, on 3.

GDT: 1…

Outlaw: 2…

Ghaleon: Hey, why didn’t we start at 0?

Deathtuna: ZzZ… wha? Wait, I’m waking up.

Rebel: 3!

Rebel, Outlaw, GDT, Void, Deathtuna, Ghaleon: Charge! *The team charges into the warehouse*

Ghaleon: *Gasp*

GDT: No way.

Rebel: What? I thought I was never wrong!

Outlaw: Oy vey…

Deathtuna: Told ya…

Agile: I didn’t agree to it at first, but I couldn’t decline the pay.

Violen: Introducing… our new boss…

Serges: Donald Trump!

PBX: *Shackled to the wall* ‘What a surprise’ eh?

Ti-An: *Shackled to the wall* Get… me… out… of… here… I’m tired of having the smallest role in this epilogue…

Donald Trump: Yes, after “The Apprentice: Season 23”, it started to get boring. So I decided to hire these chumps I found in the alley, digging out my trash to give to the paparazzi. They told me their sad story, so I hired ’em. I want to restore the balance, so I gave them orders to kidnap one of the Island Attackers. They suggested Ti-An, so I agreed.

Rebel: What do we have to do with you and your “balance”? And why is this all so sudden?!

Donald Trump: The balance between good and evil. Ever since the Island Attackers formed, the balance was… un-balanced. So I’ve decided to use my money to–

Ti-An: Make neat-o gadgets and a secret lair like Batman?

Donald Trump: No. To make me an evil genius. I’m being tutored by Sigma himself.

Agile: I told you he was back Serges.

Serges: Shut up…

Violen: Lucy, you got some ‘splaining to do!

Everyone but Violen:

Violen: What?

Donald Trump: Well anyway, I suppose it’s time for my catchphrase since you brought them here.

Serges: Wha?! No! Please!

Donald Trump: X-Hunters, you’re fired.

X-Hunters: NOOOO!!!!

Agile: Well at least we don’t have to fight the Island Attackers.

Serges: Yeah, let’s go.

*X-hunters leave*

Donald Trump: You guys spoiled my plan. I will now carry an everlasting grudge against you.

Island Attackers:

Ghaleon: Did we even do anything?

Outlaw: Nope, we’ve just been standing here and Deathtuna fell asleep again.

Donald Trump: *Disappears into the shadows* We’ll meet again.

GDT: Let’s go after him!

Void: Not worth it.

Rebel: You know, I haven’t heard PBX say “Yay” once this entire epilogue.

PBX: Er, yay?

Rebel: God damnit. Let’s go guys.

*The Island Attackers walk out the warehouse into the van and fly off to their base*

Ti-An: Hey, we’re still here shackled to the wall.

PBX: Think they’ll come back for us?

Ti-An: No, not really.

*Back at the Island Attackers base*

Outlaw: Man, what freakin’ day… er, night. Donald Trump has gone evil and started carrying a grudge on us.

GDT: Aw, stuff it.


Ghaleon: We are Code: Island Attackers?

Rebel: SHUT UP!!! *Runs out of the room*


The End


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