Holiday Dinner at Alice’s Restaurant

*Written by Rebel40000, Outlaw88 & Briansfox* 

*Note:  Briansfox is from the MM team Red Alert*

 

Narrator: It’s a peaceful day at Red Alert HQ. The birds are singing, the sun is shining, and everything is nice and quiet…

Flame Hyenard: *off-key* Deck the halls with balls of holly! Fa la la la la, la la la la!

Narrator: Never mind…

Vanishing Gungaroo: Damn it, Anubis! Do you have to be so loud?

Hyenard: Hey, ’tis the season to be jolly! Cut me some slack!

Tornado Tonion: *spins a dreidel* Cool it, both of you. *gets a gimmal* Yes!

Ride Boarski: *sighs* I’ll never get used to this game.

Tornado: It just takes a little practice.

Snipe Anteater: Alright, everyone! Listen up! *everyone drops what they’re doing* I’ve got some good news.

Wind Crowrang: We’re opening our presants early?

Snipe: No…

Hyenard: We’re going to deck more halls with–

Snipe: *interrupting Hyenard* No…

Ride: Oh, oh! I know! I joined the team!

Snipe: THAT WAS IN OUR LAST EPILOUGE! Oy vey! *tries to regain composure*

Tornado: So, what’s the good news?

Snipe: We have a new addition to our team! Call it Nathan’s early Christmas present.

Gungaroo: Great, another gross, disgusting, rude–

*Splash Warfly walks in with Flames Delvar*

Splash Warfly: I’d like you all to meet our new Soldier Stonekong, Ms. Flames Delvar!

Delvar: Hiya, all! ^^

Gungaroo: Oh, a girl… *sweat drop* Never mind then…

Delvar: Where should I change into my Soldier Stonekong armour?

Splash: Allow me to show you.

Gungaroo: *under her breath* Pervert…

Splash: Pardon?

Gungaroo: Never mind.

Splash: *shrugs*

Snipe: Anyway, time for some more news. To celebrate our new addition, I’m going to give the team my present early.

Tornado: What would that be?

Snipe: *starts humming a little tune*

Tornado: You’re kidding! How did you get reservations?

Soldier Stonekong: *coming out of the changing room* What do you mean?

Tornado: We’re going to Alice’s Restaurant!

Snipe: And that’s not all! I’ve also invited the C:IA to hang with us!

Splash: Does Rebel know about this?

Snipe: I could have sworn I sent him that card…

Hyenard: Oh, that was a card? I thought it was a star for the tree…

Snipe: *eye twitches*

Hyenard: Crap…

Snipe: *while chasing Hyenard* I’LL FREAKING KILL YOU!

Hyenard: AHHHH! I’MSORRYI’MSORRYI’MSORRY!

Wind: Morons. *nabs the card off of the tree and mails it*

Snipe: *while strangling Hyenard* Thanks, Greyring. *releases Hyenard*

Soldier: Is it always like this?

Splash: No, not always.

Snipe: Yeah, I just got wound up a bit.

Hyenard: Wound up? You snapped!

Soldier: What kind of food does Alice’s Restaurant have anyway?

Tornado: Oh no…

Snipe: You mean you don’t know? Alright, I’ll tell you.

Tornado: Here it comes…

Snipe: *singing* You can get anything you want, at Alices Restaurant (except Alice).
You can get anything you want, at Alice’s Restaurant.
Walk right in, it’s around the back,
Just a half a mile from the railroad track,
You can get anything you want, at Alice’s Restaurant.

Hyenard, Soldier, Splash, Ride, Wind, Gungaroo: 0_0

Soldier: You have to admit, he does have a good voice.

Tornado: Yeah, but that song is so annoying!

Snipe: Hey, this song is keeping me out of Sigma’s draft!

*Cue flashback*

Vile: Mr. Anteater, you’re next.

Snipe: *walks in, and sits down* Vile… *sings* You can get anything you want at Alice’s Restaurant. *gets up and walks out*

Vile: Clearly insane. We shouldn’t take him. Next!

*End flashback*

Tornado: Point taken.

*Ding dong*

Ride: I’ll get it. *opens the door to reveal the C:IA*

Magna Centipede: Hey guys. We got your invitation.

Snipe: That was quick…

Narrator: Holy jalopeños! The first cross-over of Red Alert and the C:IA? I hope this ends well. Will it, or will the authors mess up so much that–

Snipe: Hey, I don’t pay you to insult me and Rebel!

Narrator: Um… you don’t really pay me at all…

Snipe: Oh, forget it! *walks away*

Narrator: *ahem* Anyway, back to the story…

Snipe: So… before we all go… what’s up with you guys?

Magna: Oh, you know. The usual. Stuff.

Snipe: Like…?

Bubble Crab: I farted and blew up the house!

Red Alert: …

Wheel Gator: Funny on how radioactive kittens are so sensitive to stuff like that.

Hyenard: NOOO NOT THE KITTY!! *cries*

Magna: …Thought my team had problems.

Morph Moth: Rebel, you shouldn’t even start trying to make yourself look sane.

Magna: *Hisses*

Snipe: Oh, who the heck cares anymore? Let’s go!

Flame Stag: Where were we going again?

Snipe: Why, we were going to go to… *lights shine on him*

You can get anything you–

Tornado: No!! Stop that! No more singing!

Snipe: But–

Everyone else: NO MORE.

Snipe: Hmph. Fine. You guys don’t know what you’re missing, though.

Gungaroo: Will you guys just hurry it up already?! I swear!

Bubble: I CALL SHOTGUN!! *runs into a wall*

Morph: *Picks up Crab and sighs* I take it you’ve all got your own uber-cool vehicle?

Ride: *Giggles*

Morph: …I take it you want to ride with us?

Splash: Please and thank you.

Ride: Aw…

*And so Red Alert join the Island Attackers in there gangsta ghetto bus of oxymorons and ride off to Alice’s Restaurant. When they finally get there…*

Flame: Now what do we do?

Overdrive Ostrich: Um… we enter through the front door?

Snipe: That’s stupid. When it comes to Alice’s Resteraunt… Oh, Alice’s Resturaunt… *lights shine*

You–

Tornado: PLEASE STOP IT!!!

Snipe: …Right. When you’re as famous as me when it comes to this resturaunt, you go and sneak in through the back window, located on the twenty-third floor.

Soldier: There are only two floors.

Snipe: They’re invisible!

Wind: I can fly, but not even I am going to attempt in seeing if you are correct.

Morph: Same.

Splash: What he said.

Snipe: But I’m the leader. T_T

Magna: Boy, you guys better be glad that I’m not the leader, then. If I got that kind of defiancy, you’d all get one thousand lashes! Mwahahahahahah!!

Morph: And just who would do the lashings, Rebel?

Magna: Oh, I’d just bribe Majin with some beer…

Wire Sponge: CHAINSAWBABIES

Magna: Exactly!

Red Alert: *Shudders*

Snipe: C’mon guys, let’s go with my plan! After all, Rebel completely agrees with me. Don’t you, Rebel?

Magna: Yep. After all, it is located on page 1463, paragraph 2, sentence 4, of the “Megaman Team Leaders Rule Booklet”… “All team members shall listen to their leader, no matter how stupid, retarded, and/or completely insane his/her plan may sound.”

Morph: Ugh… I should have thrown that book away.

Magna: Well you DIDN’T. So there for we are following HIS PLAN. Because I SAID so. So let’s GO.

*And so the three flyers of the two teams (Moth, Wind, and Splash) all take off to the skies, while Magna simply walks up the side of the steel building. Everyone else finds that they must climb up the hard way.*

Tornado: Urrrgh… I WASN’T MADE FOR PHYSICAL LABOR!!

Wheel: *Biting ledges into the wall* Oh come on, it isn’t that bad.

Tornado: *falls and hits Outlaw, sending them both to the bottom*

Bubble: Yay, falling! *falls*

Crystal Snail: *Still trying to climb* Man… I should have taken the stairs… *falls asleep and hits Hyenard*

Hyenard: *Falls and hits Overdrive*

Overdrive: *Falls into an open manhole* Help?

*After many hours of grueling torture, the two teams finally manage to make it the rooftop*

Snipe: And we’re here!

Magna: Arr, that we be, me mate.

Wind: That’s great and all, but where exactly is the entrance?

Snipe: Oh, you big silly. It’s obvious we blow a hole through the roof to snag the delicious food of Alice’s Restaurant.

Hyenard, Soldier, Splash, Ride, Wind, Gungaroo, Tornado, Wheel, Crystal, Bubble, Flame, Morph, and Wire: What?!

Snipe: Oh, come on! It’s all a part of my plan! Right, Rebel?

Magna: *Nods furiously*

Morph: This is ridiculous. Rules or not, we are not doing this. I mean, who in their right mind would actually want to–

Wheel: Me.

Morph: Shut up. Besides, no has any powers to blow stuff up–

Magna: I do.

Morph: No you don’t. Now be quiet.

Wire: *Whips Moth*

Morph: Ow, hey! What was that for?

Wire: RRRRRRRRRRR LET IT RIP.

Magna: *Blows a hole open* C’mon, let’s get going! LET’S EAT EAT EAT!!

Narrator: And so, the Island Attackers and the Red Alert start their havoc on poor Alice’s Restaurant. Just what will happen next? Will they get fed? And what about me? Is the narrator always going to get some half-bit job?! TELL ME!!! *gets looked at* Er, and what about Overdrive, who is still stuck in a manhole?

Overdrive: I can’t feel my legs.

Narrator: Find out out next time… Wait, that next time is now! Never mind… So yeah, where was I? I don’t think we’re even close to the script. Screw it, let’s just keep going!

Snipe: Yeah!

Narrator: Once inside Alice’s Restaurant they find that it is empty and looks like it has been closed for many years.

Tornado: We nearly broke our necks to come to this dump?! I thought you said it was the best place ever?

Morph: I agree this is the stupidest thing ever.

Snipe: Hahaha, relax guys. Have we ever steered you wrong?

Magna: Don’t answer that or it will be lashes for everyone!

Wire: RWARRWEREW! BUUUUUUURP!

Snipe: Food this good isn’t just given to anyone! This is just a cover; the real Alice’s is further in.

Splash: Doesn’t that seem kind of stupid to have a business hidden then? How would they make money?

Magna: Oh you just don’t get how sophisticated this is. See, having it hidden like this will keep the rabid hobo away.

Wind: The what?

Flame: Don’t ask. The less you know, the better.

*Outside*

Overdrive: HEEEEEELLLLPPP!

Strange Hobo: Ohhhohhhohhh a talking manhole. You be my new pet.

Overdrive: GET ME OUT OF HERE!!!!

*Inside*

Soldier: *Hears Overdrive scream like a little girl* Hold on a sec.

*Stonekong goes out and rips up the street, grabs Overdrive, and brings him back in*

Overdrive: Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Magna: Right, now that everyone is here, it’s time to get that food!

Morph: How about we just go somewhere else?

Gungaroo: I’d be cool with that.

Wheel: I say we keep going. After all it says right here on the–*snatches the book from Magna, flips to the back of the book and turns around for a minute*–last page that, “Any mission involving food is a good mission”.

Morph: Let me see that. You wrote this in crayon!

Snipe: And a fine rule it is! Onward!

Bubble: Yay uncertian doom!

*Inside*

Snipe: Here’s our table…

Tornado: Wait, something’s wrong…

*At the table, another Snipe Anteater and another Magna Centipede are sitting there*

Snipe #2: Hey, guys! Why did you go over the cliff when the easier way is around the back?

Tornado: Le huh?

Snipe #1: Damn, they blew our cover.

Flame: What cover?

Magna #1: Uh, nothing!

Magna #2: Hey, Delvar! I didn’t know you were Soldier Stonekong! Sergal from Cossack’s Comrades told me all about you.

Soldier: He did? Oh my… *blushes*

Magna #1: Wait, what’s Cossack’s Comrades again?

Splash: Hold on, these two are fakers! No wonder they made us suffer!

Morph: Gee, you found that out without using your detective kit.

Snipe #2: Let’s see who our fakers are.

*Snipe Anteater #1 and Magna Centipede #1 turn out to be Serges and Quint X*

Snipe, Magna, and Wheel: Son of a pregnant dog!

Quint X: That’s right, fools! If the cliff didn’t kill you, we were going to right here! You fell for it hook, line, and stinker!

Serges: Violen, Agile! We’ve got work to you.

Violen: Yes, sir!

Agile: Yes, sir!

Quint X: And this was my briliant plan.

Serges: Our briliant plan, you mean.

Bubble: Yay! Time to rock and roll!

Overdrive: *runs up panting* Wait for me! *runs into Agile*

Agile: Ow! You little…

Quint X: Jobin! Let’s do this. *takes out his Sakugarne*

Snipe: Wait, you’re pogo stick is named Jobin? Why?

Quint X: Because Sakugarne doesn’t really sound good in conversation.

Jobin: Just ignore him. That’s what I do.

Snipe: Well, I guess our new gal could use some target practice.

Magna: *leers* I never knew that you would stoop so low…

Quint X: Enough with the babbling! Let’s fight!

Jobin: Not in my ear…

Wire: LETS GOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGO.

Soldier: *pulls out her massive sword* Yes, lets!

Morph: This is beyond all reasoning…

Splash: Who the heck cares at this point?

Morph: Fans…

Magna: *whacks Moth* Shut your trap, Void! We’ve got work to do! CIA… ATTACK!!!

Snipe: Yeah! Go Red Alert!

X-Hunters, Quint X and Jobin: *charges* YAH!!!

Mr. Referee: *wearing a waiters outfit* STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP!!!

Everyone else: Huh?

Mr. Referee: I am Mr. Referee, and I hearby declare the rules!

Violen: Rules?

Mr. Referee: Listen well! Only one fighter from each opposing side shall represent his or her’s group! The two combatants shall then fight until one of them is no longer capable of continuing on! The winner shall then receive a free $1,000 coupon to Alice’s Resteraunt, and the loser shall sit in a corner and cry! Are there any objections?

Wheel: *Raises a hand*

Mr. Referee: Yes?

Wheel: Will there be any food served during this fight?

Mr. Referee: There is a buffet.

Wheel: Sweet. *runs off*

Mr. Referee: Now, who shall fight? Choose quickly, for I have a manicure in an hour.

*And so the two sides go into heavy debate*

Hyenard: So, who shall it be?

Magna: In the power vested in me, I hearby declare that I, Rebel40000… shall definitely not participate.

Bubble: Yay!

Gungaroo: Ugh, you are so shallow.

Magna: Pfft, Outlaw had the right idea when he flew the coop.

Wind: Well, I’ll have you all know that I would be glad to put my life on the line to protect the honor of both Red Alert and the CIA.

Tornado: Why, Greyring, that is the most–

Magna: LIAR.

Tornado: Rebel!

Magna: HE’S LYING AND I CAN PROVE IT JUST LET ME AT HIM!!

Morph: *Drags a screaming Magna away*

Snipe: As much as I appreciate Crowrang’s offer, I do not want any casualties among the Red Alert. Of course, I suppose I couldn’t say the same for the CIA, now could I?

Wire: YAYZ.

Mr. Referee: Time is running out!

Gungaroo: We need to choose, fast!

Crystal: Zzz… You… you can get… anything…

Snipe: *A light shines on him*

Everyone else: WE CHOOSE HIM!!

Mr. Referee: Excellent! The ugly bunch in the corner have chosen Jobin.

Snipe: …Just Jobin?

Jobin: *On the ground* ‘Sup.

Quint X: Fear the power of Jobin!

Wheel: *At a table full of junk* YOU CAN DO IT!! *whistles*

Mr. Referee: Fighters all set? ROLL BATTLE!!

Snipe: Hah, it’s only Jobin. What harm could there possibly be?

Jobin: *Blows up*

Snipe: !@#$. *gets sent flying* AAHHHHHHHHHHHHH SAVE ME!!! *hits a bus boy*

Bus Boy: Tip?

Snipe: Burn in Hell.

Quint X: No, Jobin! *grabs Jobin’s remains* What happened to you? Where did I go wrong?!

Mr. Referee: Since Jobin has been destroyed and Snipe Anteater has clearly been thrown out of the boundary limit, that makes this match a tie! Therefore, everyone shall sit in the corner and cry!

Magna: …But what about the free coupon?

Mr. Referee: I suppose I’ll keep it. *prances off*

Narrator: And so a diabolical battle had just ended, and the REFEREE of all people won. What shall happen next? Oooh, my skin tingles with excitement as I reveal it all to you now..

Serges: Ooookaaaaaay, that was a tad strange.

Quint X: *Sobbing*

Violen: And I thought I had problems.

Agile: Forget about him for now guys, it’s time to break out the big guns!

*The X-Hunters get into full battle mode, with Agile all hyped up this time with two swords, Serges on his platform with additional firepower and Violen having all guns and weapons ready*

Morph: This is new.

Magna: *At the buffet with Gator* It’s nothing we–we as in the rest of you–can’t handle.

Splash: Gee, thanks for the support.

Snipe: *Runs over to the buffet too* Save me some!!!! Wow, Gator not only ate what’s on this table, but now he’s eating the table itself! Good thing there are so many tables left.

Soldier: Don’t you ever get full?

Wheel: Nope. I’m a certified eating machine. I have a plaque to prove it. *Shows them his left arm*

Hyenard: That’s a tattoo of Spider-Man!

Wheel: Whoops, wrong arm. Heh, funny story ’bout that tat. Me and Majin went out and got real drunk and got them. I have the better since he got a Hello Kitty tat on his butt.

Wire: Hehehehe… I did what now?!

Gungaroo: All this talk is starting to hurt my head, I’m gonna go eat now.

Serges: Aren’t you forgetting about us?

*The X-Hunters blast all the remaining buffet tables. Magna, Snipe, Gator and all the rest who had been going over for food have now become furious*

Magna: C:IA!

Snipe: Red Alert!

Magna and Snipe: KICK THEIR ASSES!!!!!!!!

Soldier: Let me handle this. I’m not going to let this holiday celebration be ruined by these jerk-offs!

Quint X: *with sarcasm* Oh, the n00bish girl is going to kill us! I’m so scared!

Serges: Yeah, what are you going to do? Ask us to die?

*Soldier Stonekong’s sword starts to glow*

Magna: I don’t think Soldier Stonekong was able to do that in the game…

Splash: He wasn’t. Delvar’s just a big fan of the Legend of Zelda.

Magna: Oh.

Soldier: Eat this! *preforms Link’s Spin Attack, knocking all of her attackers back*

Quint X: Ow…

Serges: Hey, my buster’s damaged!

Agile: So is my sword!

Violen: I don’t know how she’s doing it, but I think she’s god-modding!

Splash: Oh, did I forget to mention that she’s friends with Odin?

Morph: So I see. 0_0

Snipe: Good catch there, Warfly. She’s a keeper.

Magna: I so envy you.

*Suddenly, Deku Nuts begin to fall from the ceiling*

Violen: Ah! My mechanized armour! It can’t move!

Quint X: Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow!

Serges: Men, retreat!

Quint X: So much for your briliant plan!

Serges: Hey, you were the one that screwed up!

*The two continue to argue as they run out of the restaurant*

Snipe: Nice work, Stonekong. Well, now that we got those idiots out of the way, let’s eat!

*At their table*

Tornado: Wait, why is it that they hand out computer card menus?

Snipe: Because if they handed out regular menus, they would be 10,000 pages thick.

Everyone else: 0_0

Snipe: I told you that you could get anything you want. Hey, Alice! Latkas and roasted chestnuts all around! We’re going to have a holiday feast like you’ve never seen before!

*Suddnely, a holiday bomb drops from the ceiling*

Crystal: Crap, crap, crap!

Tornado: Look at the size of it! It’s huge!

Splash: I could try to douse it with some water.

Bubble: I can shoot bubbles at it too.

Magna: *hiding behind Morph* Do something!

*Just then Inspector Gadget shows up*

Gadget: Not to worry, this is a special “holiday bomb”!

Everyone: A what?

Gadget: Just watch.

*The bomb blows up, but instead of firey death, it shoots out snow and confetti and who should appear out of all that mess? Why good old ST. Nick of course, flanked by the Hebrew Hammer*

Gungaroo: Santa?

Santa: Ho Ho Ho! Merry Christmas!

Hebrew Hammer: And Happy Hanukkah!

Morph: What are you guys doing here?

Wind: To give us presents?

Santa: Hell no, we’re here to eat of course!

Hammer: Alice has the best food in the world.

Snipe: Of course she does. You– *gets tackled by everybody in the room*

Magna: So… um… We get presents this year right?

Wire: Did you get the letter I sent?

Santa: Yes and yes, though it was hard to read. You should really try to write when you are sober.

Wheel: Like that happens often.

Flame: *Humming Inspector Gadget theme song*

Tornado: Why are you both together?

Hammer: Well, for one we are good friends. Secondly, this year for whatever reason the first day of Hanukkah is on Christmas day!

Santa: And we have Gadget here as a guard this year because we are in danger. Someone is trying to steal Christmas and all other holidays.

Snipe: NO! Who would do such a horrible thing?!

Wheel: The Grinch maybe?

Gadget: Worse than him, far worse.

Morph: Oh, no. It can’t be!

Soldier: What? Who?

Hammer: Trump.

Red Alert and CIA: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

Tornado: Wait, is that true?

Trump: *walks in* You two weren’t supposed to tell them! You’re both fired!

Overdrive: But you can’t fire them, they’re the symbols of the holiday season!

Trump: Just for that, the lot of you are getting hanged!

*Nooses hang down from the rafters*

Trump: Who’s first?

Snipe: *raises hand* Hi. I don’t know how this whole “hanging” buisness works.

Trump: What do you mean you don’t know? Alright, fine. Just mimic me.

Snipe: *shrugs* Alright then.

Trump: First, you stand here like this…

Snipe: Stand here like this… *mimics Trump*

Trump: And then, you put your head into the noose. *does so*

Snipe: Pull the rope. *does so*

Trump: *half-choking* Hey, no fair! You cheated!

Snipe: Mr. Trump, the Master of Mind Games never cheats. I only observe and deduce. *turns to Magna Centipiede* Rebel, he’s all yours.

Santa: So, we’re not fired anymore?

Wheel: No.

Hebrew Hammer and Santa: WHOO-HOO!

*Santa and the Hebrew Hammer then get in Santa’s pimped out ride and take off into the night*

Morph: There they go; I hope everything turns out ok. You know, like no one fires any missiles at them.

Magna: There you go again bringing everyone down! Geeze, what are you? Strong Sad?

Snipe: *Drinking Eggnog* I’d say this little get together was a big hit.

Tornado: I’m just glad we got out of all this relatively unharmed.

Bubble: What about the presents?!

Wind: I wonder if I got that hotwheel set I wanted?

Soldier: I guess it’s time to go.

Wire: Elves scare me.

Wheel: I just remembered what we needed to do!

Crystal: Whazzat?

Gungaroo: It isn’t anything painful is it?

Flame: Or gross right?

Wheel: Nope. It’s time to end this thing with a big group shout out to all our peeps!

Magna and Snipe: Oh yeah!

Red Alert and CIA: HAPPY HOLIDAYS ONE AND ALL!!!!!!

Wire: *BUUUUUUUUURP*

Bubble: YAY!

The End

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