*Written by Rebel4000*
Trump: I am telling you this because it is for your own good.
Bill Gates: And I am not inclined to agree.
Trump: Stupid fool. Even if you are arguably the head of the most powerful company in the world, you don’t think I have the power to take it away?
Gates: You drive a hard bargain, Mr. Trump. But why should I care about Chaos Emeralds?
Eggman: *clears throat* We have reason to believe that you discovered one not too long ago.
Gates: I see… so that is why you have come.
Gates: …Did you just say eggsactly?
Eggman: Don’t be absurd. Now back onto business–
Gates: You did say eggsactly! I heard it with my own two ears!
Trump: So did I.
Eggman: WHAT IN THE WORLD IS YOUR POINT?!
*Both of the men stare at Eggman.*
Eggman: *calms down* Whatever the case, we want that emerald. It would not do our associates any good if we came back empty-handed.
Gates: Look, Ivo. I know you have been ridiculed over the years of having an obsession with eggs, which is why I am concerned that you are starting to take the whole situation too far–
Eggman: I. DON’T. CARE.
Trump: It’s official: You suck.
Gates: THAT’S IT!! *presses a button behind his desk and an army of robots emerges from behind the wall* GOOD DAY SIRS!!
Eggman: It’s go time! *presses a button on his wrist watch*
iX: *breaks the door down* Someone call?!
Trump: I believe that it is time to fire these gentlemen, if you catch my drift.
Barbamon: Of course. Leviamon?
Leviamon: Right away.
*Leviamon starts tearing through the robots while iX tackles a group on his own. During the distraction Gates attempts to escape.*
Lilithmon: *appears before him* Oh-ho, I think not, little man.
Lilithmon: Phantom Pain! *Lilithmon sprays a deadly mist that covers Gates, causing him to scream in agony until it subsides.*
Barbamon: I suppose that takes care of another fool.
Lilithmon: Now, you will be a good boy and get us our Chaos Emerald, okay?
Gates: Y-yes… *walks off in a trance*
Eggman: What did you do?
Lilithmon: Cursed him. That particular curse made him a nice little puppet.
Trump: *turns to the remaining robots* You are all fired.
Robots: Damn it! *walk off*
iX: Hah! Weaklings!!
Barbamon: Hm, it was just as I thought. Together with our abilities we are all unstoppable. Not even some super-powered freak would be able to defeat us!
*Elsewhere, in a familiar-looking area in Megalopolis…*
Anti-Majin: *sneezes* STUPID FOOLS WHO DARE SPEAK OF MY NAME SHALL BE TERMINATED!! *raises fist threateningly*
Frank: What are you blabbering about?
Anti-Majin: Shut your mouth or I’ll rip you a new one.
*Back with the AM*
Jade: What in the world is going on, Dark Knight? You aren’t acting normal here.
Dark Knight: Heheheh, I’ve done it!
Blackbelt: Done what?
Dark Knight: I’ve got my very own LILLY-CHAN!!
Everyone else: *groan*
AM: And here we were worried you were going to kill us all or something.
Dark Knight: Nah, that’s for later.
Everyone else: What?!
Dark Knight: I didn’t say anything.
Vile: *walks in* Hey, slackers! Sigma’s got an important message for all of you, so hop to it!! *leaves*
Elecmon: We’ve been getting a lot of these, haven’t we?
Brick: Aw, who cares? Kamemon, if you’d please.
Kamemon: Yessir. *lifts Brick up and carries him to the meeting room* (I’m gonna spike your drink!)
Lillymon: Let’s go, DK.
Dark Knight: *hearts in his eyes* Yes, Lilly-chan… Mmm…
*The AM heads to where Sigma is located*
Darksage: What’s the word, Sigma?
Sigma: Good, you’re here.
Commandramon: Is there a problem?
Sigma: Hmph, nothing that a mere digital creature should concern himself with.
Bearmon: I smell a prejudice–
Jade: Please continue, Sigma.
Sigma: *eyes everyone cautiously* Yes… anyway, you all know about those ex-Mavericks who have their own Digimon now?
Dark Knight: Yeah…
Spark: What about ’em?
Sigma: Apparently my pets have failed, which means that the mercenary has not done his job correctly.
Ryuudamon: So how is that our problem?
Sigma: I’ll tell you how it is–that means that I am going to make you all go up there and finish the job. No one will make a mockery out of the almighty Sigma!!
Everyone else: Right!
Sigma: Now go!!
Everyone else: …
Sigma: What’s the matter?
AM: Er, no offense, but we just got done with a fight with the Shadow Hunters not too long ago.
Blackbelt: So we were kinda-hoping to kick back and relax for the rest of the day.
PicoDevimon: What they are trying to get at is that they want to wait until tomorrow to kill the fools.
Blackbelt: What he said.
Sigma: Hmm, let me think about it–No.
Everyone else: Damn!
Seadragon: Can’t you reconsider?
Sigma: Well, all right–No.
Everyone else: Double damn!
Piyomon: You bastard!
Sigma: So I am! Now get going.
Everyone else: *grumbles as they leave*
*Onboard the Whale King…*
Rebel: C’mon, Dorumon! You’ve gotta rawk!! *rawks*
Rebel: ‘Cause you are behind everyone else! Therefore you must rawk to get better. You don’t want to suck do ya?
Dorumon: Well, no…
Rebel: Then let’s rawk. Right Metabad?
Metabad: YEAH!! *rawks*
Dorumon: All right, I’ll do it! *rawks*
Monodramon: You all make me sick.
Void: *enters the room* Everyone, I’ve got an important announcement to make.
Outlaw: What is it?
Void: Oh, nothing much, just–
Rebel: Hold on a sec. Who’s the leader around here, Void?
Void: …You are.
Rebel: That’s right. So WHO should be making all of the important announcements?
Rebel: Damn straight. Now go on and tell us. *drinks a can of coke*
Renamon: *smiles to herself*
Sean: Is this going to be bad?
Void: Not as bad as Majin when he’s sober.
Majin: *covered in bandages* AND I’M FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Patamon: *drunk* FREEEEEEEEE FAAAAAAAAALLING
Shadowstrike: Oh god, he’s gotten Patamon!
Veemon: *tugging Shadow’s arm* Hey, uh, can I try some of that?
Shadowstrike: Fine, we might as well all try it, too!
*Shadowstrike and Veemon grab a bottle of beer and swig it down in one shot. Immediately they both turn green and run out of the room.*
DK: Hah, how sorry they are. Can’t even hold some common alcohol!
Lalamon: Now, now, DK. Don’t make fun of others just because they aren’t like you.
DK: Too true…
Void: ANYWAY, back to the topic at hand…
Rebel: I’ll say. Hurry up and speak already, Void. Sheesh.
Metabad: Yeah, sheesh.
Void and Renamon: *sweatdrops*
Monodramon: To give you the benefit of the doubt I’ll beg you to start talking.
Void: Thank you. Now, about what I was going to say… I have been doing some research on the Chaos Emerald that was found during the encounter with the Devidramon earlier.
Betamon: So what’d you find?
Void: Well, normally Chaos Emeralds have a reaction when they are near other emeralds, right?
Agumon X: Right.
DK: Go on…
Void: I have noticed that the emerald has been reacting sporadically, as if the other emeralds are here, but not.
Rebel: And what the Hell is that supposed to mean?
Void: It means that the rest of the emeralds are in another dimension. And they are gathering.
Void: Yeah, but who or what is doing it is unknown to me at this point. I’m going to have to do some more research to figure that out.
Dorumon: Oooh, spooky.
Metabad: But liek, or awesomeness will save the day, right?
Rebel: I believe you mean our… rawksomeness.
Metabad: Dude that rawks.
Dorumon: I say we rawk in celebration of this new revelation!
*The three proceed to rawk.*
Void: So… does our great and almighty leader have any comments on this latest news?
Rebel: *stops and thinks* Hmm… well, it sounds pretty bad, but eh, I really couldn’t give a rats ass at this point in time.
Renamon: What… did you just say?
Rebel: I said I really couldn’t care less. Besides, I’m too busy rawking and all.
Rebel: VOID!! I demand that this Digimon gets hearing aids! It’s ruining my jive.
*Suddenly an alarm sounds off.*
Agumon X: Again?!
Void: Hmm, apparently we’ve got a message coming in. Should I accept it?
Rebel: Go for it.
*Void pushes a button and a screen lights up, showing the face of Launch Octopus.*
Jade: Greetings, Code: Island Attackers. May I ask which of you is the leader?
Rebel: That’d be me… wait a tick… you sound familiar… Jade?!
Jade: Rebel?! You’re the leader?
Sean: Why are you attacking us?
Jade: Sean, too? Sheesh, this is craziness.
Rebel: I’ll say. Are there any other surprise guests on your end as well?
Jade: Well, AM is here too.
Jade: Hey, don’t worry about it. I’m in charge of this unit, Alpha Movement.
Rebel: All right. So what do you want?
Jade: Under the orders of our master Sigma, we have been instructed to destroy both you and your ship.
Rebel: I see, so it’s a fight you want, eh?! Well, bring it on! We won’t lose!!
Jade: Then let’s get this show on the road.
*The screen goes black.*
Void: Rebel, what in the world was that all about?
Rebel: I’ll talk about it later. What’s important right now is that we get ready for a fight. Island Attackers… ATTACK!!!
*In the Mushroom Kingdom…*
Mario: *attempts jump on Barbamon’s head*
Barbamon: *steps out of the way*
Barbamon: I’ve grown tired of this child’s play. Crimson Flame!
*In a matter of seconds Mario is turned into charcoal*
Peach: What did you do to Mario?
Eggman: Do not worry. He’s merely gone on vacation.
Peach: Okay! Lalala~! *prances off*
iX: Dumb blonde. Bet she still thinks Bowser Jr. is her kid.
*At that moment Leviamon comes out of the moat with Trump on his back.*
Leviamon: *holding an emerald in his mouth* Barbamon! We found the emerald!
Trump: It was located in the basement, just like our sources told us. It was practically unguarded.
Barbamon: Excellent. *takes the emerald* With this, we have four.
Lilithmon: And we know that a certain “Shadow the Hedgehog” holds two of the remaining three.
Eggman: *coughs* I still can’t believe we have to deal with that OTHER hedgehog. Knowing my luck we’ll probably run into–
iX: Aw, stuff it, gramps.
Eggman: Quiet, you.
Barbamon: Well, in order to find this “Shadow” we must be able to locate him. Therefore let us look for the other emerald first.
Leviamon: Do we have any leads?
Lilithmon: I was incapable of obtaining more information.
Eggman: Then… I suppose we are at a dead end.
*The group of villains all stand there, crestfallen at this news. Suddenly Trump lifts his head up, an idea coming to mind.*
Barbamon: Yes? What is it?
Trump: I have a place that we can check out… some old “friends” which I’ve been dying to see…
Barbamon: Then by all means, show us the way.
*The villains quickly disappear into thin air. A few minutes later, however, another figure walks onto the scene, smiling.*
Luigi: Ohohoho. Poor Mario. With these burns I can say he met his end by the hands of Bowser, and once I bring that Koopa to justice, I shall become the hero of the Mushroom Kingdom! Just you wait, Peach. Luigi here is gonna show you why mushrooms are bad for you.
*In the Megalopolis sewer system…*
Agile: Ah, home sweet home.
Serges: I must say our new accommodations are rather nice.
Violen: But I miss my trash can…
Agile: Shut up! At least with this we’ve got a roof over our heads. Do you want another freak blizzard to come out of nowhere and trample us again?
Violen: But the snowman I made–
Agile: SHUT UP!!
Serges: *ignoring the others* Now, our first objective is to find the CIA.
Agile: Yeah, after that Anti guy came in here and took over we’ve lost our only good job.
Violen: You mean getting our butts handed to us on a regular basis?
Serges: Regardless, we’ve heard that they are now in a mobile base, so they could be anywhere in the world.
Violen: That’s a big place.
Agile: Do you try to be stupid?
Violen: *teary-eyed* I don’t try! I just am.
Barbamon: So, you say that they are mobile…
X-Hunters: Who’s there?!
*Barbamon and the rest of the villains emerge from the shadows.*
Lilithmon: Lovely base you boys have.
Agile: *puffing his chest out* W-why thank you. I do try to set a good example and all that…
Lilithmon: That was a joke, idiot!
Trump: *stepping forward* It’s nice to see you again, X-Hunters.
Violen: Weren’t you thrown in jail or something?
Trump: These gentlemen were kind enough to free me. Unlike a trio of nincompoops who can’t even tie their own shoelaces.
*The X-Hunters all bend down and try to tie the shoelaces that aren’t there.*
Leviamon: Stand up, fools, less you want to feel our wrath!
*They quickly stand up.*
Agile: So, uh, what can we do for you, such honored guests?
Trump: Well, since we go such a long way back, I wanted you to tell us where the CIA is now.
Eggman: Of course we already have that information… so why not tell us if you know where one “Shadow the Hedgehog” is located?
Serges: Shadow the Hedgehog? Never heard of him.
Lilithmon: If you are lying you will pay for it.
Agile: *steps back* The X-Hunters don’t lie! Maybe stretch the truth to the point where it is no longer recognizable, but lying? Don’t make us laugh!
Violen: Only on Tuesdays!
Trump: It is Tuesday.
Violen: Oh… never mind then.
Barbamon: Very well, then. I suppose we have gotten what we have come for. Let us go meet these “Island Attackers…”
*The group turns to leave.*
Serges: What do you plan to do once you meet the CIA?
Violen: Is there any Lucy involved?
Trump: Hmm, since you were kind enough to tell us where they are, I suppose it would only be fitting to reward you. iX?
Trump: Fire them.
iX: Heheheh, right away… *cracks knuckles*
Agile: No! Wait! LOVE AND PEACE!!
Violen: *Curls into a ball and starts rocking back and forth* The bad things will go away, the bad things will go away, the bad things will go away…
*The X-Hunter’s screams pierce the air as the real villains make their leave. Their destination: The CIA’s headquarters…*
To be continued…