Dissed in the Digital World (Part 4)

*Written by Rebel4000*

*Elsewhere…*

Trump: I am telling you this because it is for your own good.

Bill Gates: And I am not inclined to agree.

Trump: Stupid fool. Even if you are arguably the head of the most powerful company in the world, you don’t think I have the power to take it away?

Gates: You drive a hard bargain, Mr. Trump. But why should I care about Chaos Emeralds?

Eggman: *clears throat* We have reason to believe that you discovered one not too long ago.

Gates: I see… so that is why you have come.

Eggman: Eggsactly.

Gates: …Did you just say eggsactly?

Eggman: Don’t be absurd. Now back onto business–

Gates: You did say eggsactly! I heard it with my own two ears!

Trump: So did I.

Eggman: WHAT IN THE WORLD IS YOUR POINT?!

*Both of the men stare at Eggman.*

Eggman: *calms down* Whatever the case, we want that emerald. It would not do our associates any good if we came back empty-handed.

Gates: Look, Ivo. I know you have been ridiculed over the years of having an obsession with eggs, which is why I am concerned that you are starting to take the whole situation too far–

Eggman: I. DON’T. CARE.

Gates: But–

Eggman: No.

Gates: But–

Eggman: No.

Gates: BUT–

Trump: It’s official: You suck.

Gates: THAT’S IT!! *presses a button behind his desk and an army of robots emerges from behind the wall* GOOD DAY SIRS!!

Eggman: It’s go time! *presses a button on his wrist watch*

iX: *breaks the door down* Someone call?!

Trump: I believe that it is time to fire these gentlemen, if you catch my drift.

Barbamon: Of course. Leviamon?

Leviamon: Right away.

*Leviamon starts tearing through the robots while iX tackles a group on his own. During the distraction Gates attempts to escape.*

Lilithmon: *appears before him* Oh-ho, I think not, little man.

Gates: Hunh?

Lilithmon: Phantom Pain! *Lilithmon sprays a deadly mist that covers Gates, causing him to scream in agony until it subsides.*

Barbamon: I suppose that takes care of another fool.

Gates: W-what…?

Lilithmon: Now, you will be a good boy and get us our Chaos Emerald, okay?

Gates: Y-yes… *walks off in a trance*

Eggman: What did you do?

Lilithmon: Cursed him. That particular curse made him a nice little puppet.

Trump: *turns to the remaining robots* You are all fired.

Robots: Damn it! *walk off*

iX: Hah! Weaklings!!

Barbamon: Hm, it was just as I thought. Together with our abilities we are all unstoppable. Not even some super-powered freak would be able to defeat us!

*Elsewhere, in a familiar-looking area in Megalopolis…*

Anti-Majin: *sneezes* STUPID FOOLS WHO DARE SPEAK OF MY NAME SHALL BE TERMINATED!! *raises fist threateningly*

Frank: What are you blabbering about?

Anti-Majin: Shut your mouth or I’ll rip you a new one.

*Back with the AM*

Jade: What in the world is going on, Dark Knight? You aren’t acting normal here.

Dark Knight: Heheheh, I’ve done it!

Blackbelt: Done what?

Dark Knight: I’ve got my very own LILLY-CHAN!!

Everyone else: *groan*

AM: And here we were worried you were going to kill us all or something.

Dark Knight: Nah, that’s for later.

Everyone else: What?!

Dark Knight: I didn’t say anything.

Vile: *walks in* Hey, slackers! Sigma’s got an important message for all of you, so hop to it!! *leaves*

Spark: Again?

Elecmon: We’ve been getting a lot of these, haven’t we?

Brick: Aw, who cares? Kamemon, if you’d please.

Kamemon: Yessir. *lifts Brick up and carries him to the meeting room* (I’m gonna spike your drink!)

Lillymon: Let’s go, DK.

Dark Knight: *hearts in his eyes* Yes, Lilly-chan… Mmm…

*The AM heads to where Sigma is located*

Darksage: What’s the word, Sigma?

Sigma: Good, you’re here.

Commandramon: Is there a problem?

Sigma: Hmph, nothing that a mere digital creature should concern himself with.

Bearmon: I smell a prejudice–

Seadragon: Shh!!

Jade: Please continue, Sigma.

Sigma: *eyes everyone cautiously* Yes… anyway, you all know about those ex-Mavericks who have their own Digimon now?

Dark Knight: Yeah…

Spark: What about ’em?

Sigma: Apparently my pets have failed, which means that the mercenary has not done his job correctly.

Ryuudamon: So how is that our problem?

Sigma: I’ll tell you how it is–that means that I am going to make you all go up there and finish the job. No one will make a mockery out of the almighty Sigma!!

Everyone else: Right!

Sigma: Now go!!

Everyone else: …

Sigma: What’s the matter?

AM: Er, no offense, but we just got done with a fight with the Shadow Hunters not too long ago.

Blackbelt: So we were kinda-hoping to kick back and relax for the rest of the day.

PicoDevimon: What they are trying to get at is that they want to wait until tomorrow to kill the fools.

Blackbelt: What he said.

Sigma: Hmm, let me think about it–No.

Everyone else: Damn!

Seadragon: Can’t you reconsider?

Sigma: Well, all right–No.

Everyone else: Double damn!

Piyomon: You bastard!

Sigma: So I am! Now get going.

Everyone else: *grumbles as they leave*

*Onboard the Whale King…*

Rebel: C’mon, Dorumon! You’ve gotta rawk!! *rawks*

Dorumon: Why?

Rebel: ‘Cause you are behind everyone else! Therefore you must rawk to get better. You don’t want to suck do ya?

Dorumon: Well, no…

Rebel: Then let’s rawk. Right Metabad?

Metabad: YEAH!! *rawks*

Rebel: *rawks*

Dorumon: All right, I’ll do it! *rawks*

Monodramon: You all make me sick.

Void: *enters the room* Everyone, I’ve got an important announcement to make.

Outlaw: What is it?

Void: Oh, nothing much, just–

Rebel: Hold on a sec. Who’s the leader around here, Void?

Void: …You are.

Rebel: That’s right. So WHO should be making all of the important announcements?

Void: Me.

Rebel: Damn straight. Now go on and tell us. *drinks a can of coke*

Renamon: *smiles to herself*

Sean: Is this going to be bad?

Void: Not as bad as Majin when he’s sober.

Majin: *covered in bandages* AND I’M FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Patamon: *drunk* FREEEEEEEEE FAAAAAAAAALLING

Shadowstrike: Oh god, he’s gotten Patamon!

Veemon: *tugging Shadow’s arm* Hey, uh, can I try some of that?

Shadowstrike: Fine, we might as well all try it, too!

*Shadowstrike and Veemon grab a bottle of beer and swig it down in one shot. Immediately they both turn green and run out of the room.*

DK: Hah, how sorry they are. Can’t even hold some common alcohol!

Lalamon: Now, now, DK. Don’t make fun of others just because they aren’t like you.

DK: Too true…

Void: ANYWAY, back to the topic at hand…

Rebel: I’ll say. Hurry up and speak already, Void. Sheesh.

Metabad: Yeah, sheesh.

Dorumon: Sheesh.

Void and Renamon: *sweatdrops*

Monodramon: To give you the benefit of the doubt I’ll beg you to start talking.

Void: Thank you. Now, about what I was going to say… I have been doing some research on the Chaos Emerald that was found during the encounter with the Devidramon earlier.

Betamon: So what’d you find?

Void: Well, normally Chaos Emeralds have a reaction when they are near other emeralds, right?

Agumon X: Right.

DK: Go on…

Void: I have noticed that the emerald has been reacting sporadically, as if the other emeralds are here, but not.

Rebel: And what the Hell is that supposed to mean?

Void: It means that the rest of the emeralds are in another dimension. And they are gathering.

Outlaw: Gathering?

Void: Yeah, but who or what is doing it is unknown to me at this point. I’m going to have to do some more research to figure that out.

Dorumon: Oooh, spooky.

Metabad: But liek, or awesomeness will save the day, right?

Rebel: I believe you mean our… rawksomeness.

Metabad: Dude that rawks.

Rebel: Totally.

Dorumon: I say we rawk in celebration of this new revelation!

*The three proceed to rawk.*

Void: So… does our great and almighty leader have any comments on this latest news?

Rebel: *stops and thinks* Hmm… well, it sounds pretty bad, but eh, I really couldn’t give a rats ass at this point in time.

Renamon: What… did you just say?

Rebel: I said I really couldn’t care less. Besides, I’m too busy rawking and all.

Renamon: What…?!

Rebel: VOID!! I demand that this Digimon gets hearing aids! It’s ruining my jive.

Void: *sighs*

*Suddenly an alarm sounds off.*

Agumon X: Again?!

Void: Hmm, apparently we’ve got a message coming in. Should I accept it?

Rebel: Go for it.

*Void pushes a button and a screen lights up, showing the face of Launch Octopus.*

Jade: Greetings, Code: Island Attackers. May I ask which of you is the leader?

Rebel: That’d be me… wait a tick… you sound familiar… Jade?!

Jade: Rebel?! You’re the leader?

Sean: Why are you attacking us?

Jade: Sean, too? Sheesh, this is craziness.

Rebel: I’ll say. Are there any other surprise guests on your end as well?

Jade: Well, AM is here too.

Rebel: Crap.

Jade: Hey, don’t worry about it. I’m in charge of this unit, Alpha Movement.

Rebel: All right. So what do you want?

Jade: Under the orders of our master Sigma, we have been instructed to destroy both you and your ship.

Rebel: I see, so it’s a fight you want, eh?! Well, bring it on! We won’t lose!!

Jade: Then let’s get this show on the road.

*The screen goes black.*

Void: Rebel, what in the world was that all about?

Rebel: I’ll talk about it later. What’s important right now is that we get ready for a fight. Island Attackers… ATTACK!!!

Everyone: YEAH!!

*In the Mushroom Kingdom…*

Mario: *attempts jump on Barbamon’s head*

Barbamon: *steps out of the way*

Mario: Mama-mia!

Barbamon: I’ve grown tired of this child’s play. Crimson Flame!

*In a matter of seconds Mario is turned into charcoal*

Peach: What did you do to Mario?

Eggman: Do not worry. He’s merely gone on vacation.

Peach: Okay! Lalala~! *prances off*

iX: Dumb blonde. Bet she still thinks Bowser Jr. is her kid.

*At that moment Leviamon comes out of the moat with Trump on his back.*

Leviamon: *holding an emerald in his mouth* Barbamon! We found the emerald!

Trump: It was located in the basement, just like our sources told us. It was practically unguarded.

Barbamon: Excellent. *takes the emerald* With this, we have four.

Lilithmon: And we know that a certain “Shadow the Hedgehog” holds two of the remaining three.

Eggman: *coughs* I still can’t believe we have to deal with that OTHER hedgehog. Knowing my luck we’ll probably run into–

iX: Aw, stuff it, gramps.

Eggman: Quiet, you.

Barbamon: Well, in order to find this “Shadow” we must be able to locate him. Therefore let us look for the other emerald first.

Leviamon: Do we have any leads?

Lilithmon: I was incapable of obtaining more information.

Eggman: Then… I suppose we are at a dead end.

*The group of villains all stand there, crestfallen at this news. Suddenly Trump lifts his head up, an idea coming to mind.*

Trump: Actually…

Barbamon: Yes? What is it?

Trump: I have a place that we can check out… some old “friends” which I’ve been dying to see…

Barbamon: Then by all means, show us the way.

*The villains quickly disappear into thin air. A few minutes later, however, another figure walks onto the scene, smiling.*

Luigi: Ohohoho. Poor Mario. With these burns I can say he met his end by the hands of Bowser, and once I bring that Koopa to justice, I shall become the hero of the Mushroom Kingdom! Just you wait, Peach. Luigi here is gonna show you why mushrooms are bad for you.

*In the Megalopolis sewer system…*

Agile: Ah, home sweet home.

Serges: I must say our new accommodations are rather nice.

Violen: But I miss my trash can…

Agile: Shut up! At least with this we’ve got a roof over our heads. Do you want another freak blizzard to come out of nowhere and trample us again?

Violen: But the snowman I made–

Agile: SHUT UP!!

Serges: *ignoring the others* Now, our first objective is to find the CIA.

Agile: Yeah, after that Anti guy came in here and took over we’ve lost our only good job.

Violen: You mean getting our butts handed to us on a regular basis?

Agile: Yep.

Serges: Regardless, we’ve heard that they are now in a mobile base, so they could be anywhere in the world.

Violen: That’s a big place.

Agile: Do you try to be stupid?

Violen: *teary-eyed* I don’t try! I just am.

Barbamon: So, you say that they are mobile…

X-Hunters: Who’s there?!

*Barbamon and the rest of the villains emerge from the shadows.*

Lilithmon: Lovely base you boys have.

Agile: *puffing his chest out* W-why thank you. I do try to set a good example and all that…

Lilithmon: That was a joke, idiot!

Agile: Oh.

Trump: *stepping forward* It’s nice to see you again, X-Hunters.

Serges: T-Trump?!

Violen: Weren’t you thrown in jail or something?

Trump: These gentlemen were kind enough to free me. Unlike a trio of nincompoops who can’t even tie their own shoelaces.

*The X-Hunters all bend down and try to tie the shoelaces that aren’t there.*

Leviamon: Stand up, fools, less you want to feel our wrath!

*They quickly stand up.*

Agile: So, uh, what can we do for you, such honored guests?

Trump: Well, since we go such a long way back, I wanted you to tell us where the CIA is now.

Eggman: Of course we already have that information… so why not tell us if you know where one “Shadow the Hedgehog” is located?

Serges: Shadow the Hedgehog? Never heard of him.

Lilithmon: If you are lying you will pay for it.

Agile: *steps back* The X-Hunters don’t lie! Maybe stretch the truth to the point where it is no longer recognizable, but lying? Don’t make us laugh!

Violen: Only on Tuesdays!

Trump: It is Tuesday.

Violen: Oh… never mind then.

Barbamon: Very well, then. I suppose we have gotten what we have come for. Let us go meet these “Island Attackers…”

*The group turns to leave.*

Agile: W-wait!

Serges: What do you plan to do once you meet the CIA?

Violen: Is there any Lucy involved?

Trump: Hmm, since you were kind enough to tell us where they are, I suppose it would only be fitting to reward you. iX?

iX: Yeah?

Trump: Fire them.

iX: Heheheh, right away… *cracks knuckles*

Serges: Huh?!

Agile: No! Wait! LOVE AND PEACE!!

Violen: *Curls into a ball and starts rocking back and forth* The bad things will go away, the bad things will go away, the bad things will go away…

*The X-Hunter’s screams pierce the air as the real villains make their leave. Their destination: The CIA’s headquarters…*

To be continued…

 

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