Final Fiasco III

*Written by Sean*

*In one of the many spare rooms of the enormous Whale King, Void is hard at work on a new machine. Suddenly Sean walks in through the open door while playing a videogame.*

Sean: What are you doing? *doesn’t even look up from his game*

Void: Well, for the last couple of hours I’ve been trying to set up a virtual training facility. I’ve had to set up several different machines and computers already, and am still not close to being finished. What are you doing? *never once takes his eyes off his work*

Sean: Playing Final Fantasy III for the Nintendo DS. *finally take his eyes off his game* Need a hand?

Void: Do you even know anything about these machines?

Sean: I was a tech expert on my first team. Also I gave the Yoshobos the little technology they have. Finally I was the guy keeping you and the others alive not too long ago. I think I can help build one of those stereotypical training rooms almost every sci-fi story has. *closes his Nintendo DS and places it on top of Void’s current project*

Void: Fine. Just don’t break anything. *continues working*

Sean: You’re not used to anyone actually being capable of helping with this stuff are you? *sits down and lends a hand*

*The rest of the C:IA walks in*

Shadowstrike: Whoa, someone is actually helping Void with something? Void’s new lab assistant isn’t going to become a crazy backstabber like Frank, right?

Sean: I’m not crazy, a backstabber, or an assistant.

Shadowstrike: So what are you working on anyways?

Void: We obviously need more training considering how easily Anti-Majin beat us. Therefore I decided to create a training room for us we’re we could fight numerous battles of various difficulty in order to be ready for our next fight.

Rebel: Yes, a training room is an amazing idea. I’m glad that I thought and proposed such a wonderful idea to you two.

Metabad: The idea is wonderful, but does it rawk?

Rebel: Of course! Every idea I come up with rawks because I’m awesome and rawk so much! *proceeds to rawk with Metabad because they rawk*

Dark Knight: Maybe it was a bad idea of mine to join this team since you guys seem to be in such a mess, *smiles* but I guess it could always be worse.

Sean: *shocked* Ouch! What was that for?

*Sean quickly stands up and steps away from Void’s machine. In his haste he accidentally knocks his DS into an open panel.*

Dark Knight: I thought it would be funny. *shrugs shoulders*

Sean: Well, it wasn’t!

Majin: durr black hole thing me gots question *hic*

Void: Is it actually important this time?

Majin: ya

Void: Does it have anything to do with beer?

Majin: YA i meen no

Void: Fine, what is the question?

Majin: *points at what Sean and Void had previously been working on* y it go spark spark?

*When Sean was shocked, the electricity started traveling through the wires in the machine. The electrical energy damaged and powered the unfinished machine. Also the Nintendo DS was struck by some of the electrical energy when it fell into the machine.*

Sean: This is going to suck isn’t it?

Void: Probably.

*A blinding flash of light suddenly bursts forth from the machine as the door that the C:IA had entered through shuts. As the light surrounds them, the reploids are temporarily blinded and stunned. The light cleared and the C:IA are suddenly confused of where we are.*

Shadowstrike: What happened?

Void: Sean was working on delicate machinery when his curse was triggered. The electrical discharge caused by the curse activated the machine prematurely. It doesn’t look like I can terminate this simulation, but the simulation should end normally when beaten. Unfortunately, I don’t remember programming a cave like this.

Sean: I need to get this curse removed.

Rebel: I knew this was a bad idea from the start. You should have never built this without consulting me first.

Shadowstrike: So where are we then?

Void: I’m not sure…

Sean: I recognize this place…

Void: How? I know you were just helping me, but you haven’t even looked at the simulations I’ve programmed.

Sean: I’ve played the original and remake of Final Fantasy III dozens of times. This cave looks almost identical to the starting cave of the game.

Void: So I guess the machine somehow accepted your Nintendo DS game as a program to run. You really shouldn’t have left it near such sensitive equipment.

Sean: Don’t blame me; none of this would have happened if Dark Knight hadn’t shocked me.

Dark Knight: I’m hardly responsible for your mess. So now we’ll be treading through some dungeon crawler for possibly days?

Sean: Don’t worry, it seems like we still have our powers.

Void: Wouldn’t be much of a training exercise if we couldn’t use our own abilities.

Sean: Plus, in this game you get job classes so we should be able to go through this rather quickly.

Majin: ME WANT SPESHUL POWERZ!!!

Sean: Not yet, in the DS version sadly you aren’t allowed to get classes until after you defeat Djinn.

*A few minutes later, the C:IA runs into some goblins*

Rebel: This shouldn’t be tough.

Metabad: Who that kid over there with the grey hair? He looks like an old man! *laughs*

Sean: Woah that is Luneth. He is one of the main characters, I guess he got loaded as usual too.

Luneth: Great, more monsters?

Dark Knight: Don’t worry, you lucked out kid. We’re on your side.

Goblin: There are nine of them? At most there are only supposed to be four!

*After a short battle, a quick round of introductions followed and the C:IA and the Light Warrior agree to travel together*

Metabad: Wow, this guys rawks!

Dark Knight: He seems a bit familiar.

Shadowstrike: He is the main character of a popular game and his character is similar to at least one hundred others. The guy who doesn’t quite fit in, causes a bit of trouble, is good at heart with a strong sense of just, and has some magnificent destiny revealed during the series. Yes, he is very original.

Sean: Whatever. We should hurry up and go fight the Land Turtle.

Luneth: You guys are some odd monsters.

Rebel: Hey! Who are you calling a monster?

Luneth: What are you things then?

Void: We’re called reploids and we don’t like being referred to as things.

Luneth: Whatever.

*Later when fighting the Land Turtle*

Luneth: So is this guy a reploid as well? *shortly before charging the Land Turtle*

Void: No, why would you ask something like that? This guy is a regular monster.

Luneth: Well his name sounds sort of like the names of you guys. A word describing what he has power over and then the name of the animal he looks like.

Void: He isn’t made of metal though. He isn’t a reploid.

Luneth: Really? His armor seems pretty hard.

Shadowstrike: He does have a point there. It isn’t too bad of a mistake for someone who has never even seen a robot before.

Void: It still is a rather stupid mistake.

Sean: No, I kind of have to agree with Shadowstrike on this one.

Void: You would.

Dark Knight: Will you idiots stop arguing?!

Rebel: Yes, I defeated this beast all on my own! *standing in front of a collapsing Land Turtle*

Land Turtle: NO! THIS IS NOT FAIR! IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A ONE ON ONE FIGHT! *fades away*

Metabad: We rawk! *does victory dance along with Rebel and Luneth*

Outlaw, Void, Majin, Shadowstrike, Dark Knight, Sean: … *just stand there*

Luneth: What are you guys doing? It was hard to accept you not doing this for a random encounter, but you have to at least do it for a boss battle!

Dark Knight: We are not doing something so idiotic.

Majin: hay guis

Void: I’m not getting you a drink.

Majin: I WASNT GONA SAY THAT!!

Void: What?

Majin: teh baddle scren isnt fadin

Void: …

Sean: We really have to do the dance don’t we? *sighs*

Void: *sighs as well* Looks like it.

*Everyone does the stupid victory dance. The battle scene then fades away and the C:IA and Luneth return to the Crystal Cave.*

Sean: Quick, make a dive for the crystal before–

*Another flash of light and the party is outside the cave*

Sean: –we’re teleported away…

Outlaw: Let’s just hurry through this game.

*A few minutes later*

Dark Knight: So this wimp is your childhood friend?

Arc: Hey!

Outlaw: Another stereotypical character, huh?

Shadowstrike: Yeah. He is the main character’s friend, who is a bit of a coward and reads too many books, but can stand up and fight for what he believes in if necessary. I’ve seen guys like this before as well.

*About a minute later*

Dark Knight: How is this girl supposed to help us?

Refia: Hey!

Outlaw: Care to analyze the character again, Shadowstrike?

Shadowstrike: She is a girl who is outspoken and slightly rude to the other party members, but can often show a softer, sweeter side. She refuses to let herself be pushed or ordered around and does the same work as the guys. If you haven’t seen a character like her before, you must have been living under a box for the last ten years.

Outlaw: Ten years?

Shadowstrike: Give or take.

*Slightly later…*

Dark Knight: You’re an actual soldier, and yet you still have no more fighting experience than these bums who have been living simple lives in their simple villages? Are you incompetent?

Luneth, Arc, Refia: Hey!

Ingus: I am far from incompetent!

Outlaw: I guess Square really isn’t that creative.

Shadowstrike: Yeah, this guy is the rival of the main male character who is much more serious and less willing to show his emotions. By the end of the game, he’ll definitely be more open and friendly.

Rebel: Let’s just take out this Djinn guy that every NPC seems to be talking about.

Void: How did he manage to turn people into 2D ghosts?

Sean: Better question is why did he even bother? Or at the very least, why didn’t he do the same to those in the castle?

*Even later*

Dark Knight: Am I the only one slightly disappointed that the princess’s outfit isn’t the same as her original outfit?

Luneth: That is the nicest thing he has said.

Sean: In the original, Sara’s outfit was a bit skimpier.

Princess Sara: Hey!

Outlaw: Do I even have to ask?

Shadowstrike: No. She is the stereotypical, rebellious princess that seems to be in love with one of her soldiers whom often seems to rush to her rescue despite her desire to do things on her own.

*A couple minutes later*

Rebel: Hah, this guy was no match for our greatness!

Metabad: He should have known better to pick a fight with us for–

Rebel and Metabad: We rawk! *the two proceed to rawk*

Djinn: *while fading away* NO FAIR! THERE WAS ONLY SUPPOSED TO BE FOUR, NOT TWELVE!

Princess Sara: Hey! Don’t I count for anything?

Djinn: NO! *finishes fading away*

*Another flash of light and they find themselves once again in the Crystal Cave. The Light Warriors are then given the powers of the Wind Crystal, but the C:IA don’t seem to get anything.*

Majin: *sober* Where are our powers?

Dark Knight: I thought we were supposed to get special abilities.

Void: It must be because we aren’t the Light Warriors. The four crystals are only supposed to lend their power to the four warriors chosen by the light. Not eight reploids sent to this world by a glitch.

Sean: I’ll fix that. *walks over to the Wind Crystal*

Void: What are you going to do?

Sean: Quiet, just let me concentrate. *presses both hands against the crystal and closes his eyes*

*Sean and the Wind Crystal then begin to glow.*

Outlaw: What is he doing?

Void: Well, Sean is CRYSTAL Snail and the Wind Crystal despite being incredibly powerful is still a crystal. I guess Sean is just trying to communicate with the Wind Crystal and see if he can exercise any control over it.

Sean: And doing so would be easier if you all would shut up. *takes a step back from the crystal* That should do it. *Sean and the Wind Crystal then cease to glow*

Rebel: Do what?

*Eight beams of light then come forth from the Wind Crystal and strike each member of the C:IA*

Sean: That. We should now be recognized as Light Warriors. I’ve convinced all four crystals that there are now twelve warriors of light instead of four. Now let me see what else I can do. *steps back over to the Wind Crystal and both he and the crystal once again begin to glow*

Shadowstrike: What else could he do?

Void: Well, the crystals hold immense amounts of power and are supposedly connected. He might be trying to boost the amount of power the Wind Crystal gives us.

Sean: There. *Once again steps back from the Wind Crystal*

*The Wind Crystal glows even brighter as Sean returns to normal. Then a single beam of light shoots forth from the crystal and hits Sean’s right hand. The Wind Crystal then returns to normal.*

Dark Knight: So what did that do?

Sean: *opens his hand and reveals a small crystal* Not as much as I wanted, but it still did something. This little thing should allow me to change our classes during battle along with boost a character’s already existing power. I might be able to temporarily upgrade classes to a higher level or allow access to classes that aren’t supposed to be gained until later. Also I should be able to grant these temporary upgrades onto non-Light Warriors as well.

Shadowstrike: So basically, your using more cheat codes than this game could possibly have?

Sean: Do you want to get out of here quickly or not?

Shadowstrike: Yeah, I just didn’t think you liked cheating at games.

Sean: I normally don’t, but we don’t have time I usually devote to an RPG to waste.

Shadowstrike: Whatever. I can’t wait until this adventure is over. What is next?

Sean: We have to climb a mountain.

*Later after climbing the mountain*

Majin: *finds and picks up a baby dragon* Aren’t you a cute little bugger? *gets his hand bitten* Aww, look, he’s teething.

Sean: There is a lot of baby dragons on the top of this mountain!

Rebel: And?

Sean: We could raise dragons and use them in battle like that one time with the digimon*! Wouldn’t dragon partners be awesome?

*See Series 2, Epilogues #21-26 “Dissed in the Digital World”

Void: Don’t we get attacked by Bahamut right about now?

Sean: Oh, yeah. We kind of do…

*Just then Bahamut flies down and a battle scene commences*

Rebel: So how shall this beast fall before us?

Sean: We aren’t supposed to beat Bahamut right now.

Rebel: What?

Sean: We run away.

Rebel: Why?

Sean: Bahamut at this point in the game has immense HP and his HP resets after each turn. It is impossible to win right now.

Rebel: What? I refuse to flee; I could defeat this dragon on my own!

Metabad: This dragon can’t beat us!

Sean: *sighs* We should just let them find out on their own.

Void: Yeah, it should work out best that way. *sits down*

Luneth: You two are just going to abandon you’re friends?!

Void: No, if we were abandoning them we would run away on our own. We’re just waiting for them to get some sense knocked into them.

*An hour later…*

Sean: They’re still at it?

Void: I guess we can always try to deplete his HP before it resets.

Rebel: What are you guys doing? Lend a hand already!

Sean: Do you think I should see what this baby can do? *holds out the crystal he got from the Wind Crystal*

Void: Might as well.

Sean: Time to see just how great the power of the crystals is.

*Twelve beams of light fly from Sean’s crystal and hit each C:IA member and each Light Warrior. Each glows brightly as his or her armor changes.*

Luneth: Whoa, I feel much stronger.

Arc: I’ve only read about a power like this.

Refia: I can feel the energy flowing through me.

Ingus: I never encountered something this powerful in all my time as a soldier.

Dark Knight: I guess you aren’t completely useless after all.

Sean: Thanks, I guess.

Rebel: Let’s show this dragon whose boss! Attack!

*Ten minutes later*

Bahamut: THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE IMPOSSIBLE! *fades away*

Metabad: We rawk!

*Meanwhile*

Bahamut: We’re am I?

Land Turtle: I take it you usually don’t lose in battle.

Bahamut: No, I don’t. What is this place?

Land Turtle: Our entire world is just a programmed game. When defeated in battle, our code isn’t deleted. After our fight is over, we’re just sent back into storage we’re we came from. This simulation seems to have no problem creating digital bodies for all the monsters in the game, but it is having a problem un-creating powerful creatures like bosses. After the final boss is defeated and the simulation ends, the simulation we’ll be terminated and us along with us. The good news is that we are finally allowed to socialize with each other.

Bahamut: What about learn from our mistakes?

Land Turtle: When the game is restarted, so are we. Everything we do will be the same as before. Any knowledge gained from the last game is instantly lost.

Bahamut: So I’m just supposed to sit here and talk to all the losers who get their butts kicked by those twelve cheating warriors?

Land Turtle: Pretty much.

Bahamut: Screw that! If they are going to cheat, then so am I! I’m not sticking around. I’m going to escape this entire game by sending myself to a different computer system! *vanishes*

Land Turtle: Wow, do you think he can actually escape?

Djinn: How would I know?

*Now, back with our heroes who are finishing celebrating their victory on the mountain.*

Rebel: So where to–

*Everything and everyone except for the C:IA flickers for a few minutes*

Rebel: …Next?

Majin: Dude! That was awesome!

Shadowstrike: What was that?

Metabad: Whatever it was, it rawked!

Sean: Bahamut is not supposed to be defeated in combat. We almost crashed the game.

Rebel: So by being more awesome than the game expected, we could end this before taking down the final boss?

Void: Or glitching the game could possibly kill us.

Metabad: So it didn’t rawk?

Void: It was a bad thing. It didn’t ‘rawk’ and it wasn’t ‘awesome.’

Metabad and Majin: Aw…

Sean: We probably should try and play through the game normally.

Void: Agreed.

*Later in the Tower of Owen*

Void: You see there is no need to sacrifice yourself, Desch. With our abilities and knowledge we should be able to repair the tower without suffering a loss.

Desch: Thanks.

Sean: Void, what was it we just decoded a couple of hours ago?

Void: True, but this guy has been in our party for a while are we really going to just let him die?

Desch: Are you guys going to help or do I still have to jump?

Sean: It isn’t like he actually dies.

Void: Still it is a bit heartless even knowing that he is just a very simple computer program.

Desch: Guys?

Sean: That isn’t what I meant.

Desch: I am going to jump if you don’t help soon. *gets ready to jump*

Void: What did you mean?

Sean: He really doesn’t die from this.

Void: What?

*Desch jumps*

Sean: He appears later on in the game.

Void: Thanks for ruining it for me.

Sean: Sorry. Now that I think about it is pretty bad to just let him almost die. I guess we can help out.

*Both turn to face Desch and find him missing*

Void: Well, I guess it is kind of pointless to argue now.

Sean: Yeah.

Void: So what crystal is next?

Sean: Fire.

Metabad: Really?

Sean: Yes.

Metabad: That’s awesome! Will it increase my fire powers and make me rawk even more?

Void: No.

Metabad: Not awesome.

*Later after gaining both power from the Fire Crystal and then just after finding the Water Crystal*

Aria: The light has been restored to the Water Crystal. You can now receive its power.

Rebel: I guess we should continue on then. *begins to leave and everyone follows except Sean* You coming Sean?

Sean: In a minute. You guys continue on, I’ll catch up.

Rebel: Okay.

*Everyone begins to leave and then an enemy projectile heads for the party. Aria moves to take the hit for everyone else and then Sean’s shell takes the attack.*

Kraken: Light warriors, my first attack might have failed, but–

Void: And you were complaining about me trying to help Desch.

Sean: This is different.

Void: How so?

Sean: First off, she actually dies.

Kraken: Light warriors?

Void: Thanks for spoiling even more of this game.

Kraken: I guess I have to skip the dramatic speech. Blizzara! *everyone except Void and Sean manage to block or avoid the attack*

Sean: Maybe we should wait until after the battle to continue arguing. *brushes pieces of ice off his armor and pulls the arrow out of his shell*

Void: Agreed.

*Meanwhile*

Hein: There is no way that Kraken can defeat those warriors.

Gutsco: Eh, I think it is possible for him to win. Those kids are way too easily distracted.

Hein: Their power is too great to lose against a weakling like Kraken. They defeated me after all.

Land Turtle: The class that people use to beat you with wields books. I don’t think you can really claim to be that powerful.

Hein: At least it is better than being beaten by a guy without any spells or even a class.

*Kraken then appears with the other defeated bosses*

Kraken: That has to be my least favorite battle. They outnumbered me by so much and didn’t even pay attention to my speech. Those warriors even went as far as to block my initial attack and deprive me the pleasure of showing how evil I am by not having any remorse for killing an innocent girl.

Hein: See? I told you he couldn’t win.

Gutsco: Whatever. Just don’t think because they beat you means they can’t lose.

Kraken: Um, guys? Don’t you care about how the battle went?

Hein: When did I say that?

Gutsco: It’s just how you act.

Kraken: I mean it was a tough battle still; don’t you want to hear about it?

Hein: Oh, like you are one to talk. Weren’t you the one who tried absorbing the power of the fire crystal turning yourself into the Salamander?

Gutsco: So?

Hein: Weren’t you bragging then that you would crush those Light Warriors and that you were invincible?

Kraken: Just because I didn’t kill the girl this time doesn’t mean I’m less of a villain.

Gutsco: Were those my exact words?

Hein: They were close enough.

Gutsco: Want to see how you handle the heat?

Hein: Bah, fire isn’t even my weakness.

Kraken: Why does no one ever want to talk to me?

Gutsco: It is sometimes. You can’t even commit yourself to one element, no wonder you lost.

Hein: Why I ought to–

Land Turtle: Calm down! Fighting will get you no where, and besides we can’t even fight here. Do you have anything to say about this, Djinn?

Djinn: *sitting in a corner with his head down* Nope, I just hope one of the other bosses takes those kids down.

Land Turtle: Don’t worry. They could never defeat the final boss. They are too impatient. The Light Warriors are trying to progress through the game too quickly and won’t take the time to level up as necessary.

Djinn: You’re right. *quickly stands up* You’re right! They are rushing things! The bosses are getting defeated too fast! They aren’t getting the experience necessary to stand a chance against the Cloud of Darkness!

*A few hours later*

Djinn: So, you got beat to?

Cloud of Darkness: Yes.

Djinn: That stinks.

Cloud of Darkness: Yes.

*Meanwhile*

Luneth: We will never forget your kindness or deeds.

Sean: Yes you will.

Luneth: Huh?

Void: None of this is real. You and your entire world are going to cease to exist.

Luneth: When will this occur? How long do I have to save my world?

Void: You can’t do anything.

Sean: The game ends now.

*There is another flash of light and the C:IA find themselves back in the room next to the sparking, damaged machine that Sean electrocuted*

Void: Now that we’re finished, can everyone clear out and let me work?

Sean: Yeah, Void and I need to fix this machine and then finish everything else the system needs.

Void: Actually, while I appreciate the help, I’d rather not get stuck playing a video game for several hours. Why don’t you go out somewhere else until I finish so nothing else gets electrocuted?

Sean: Not my fault, but fine. *sticks his hand into the broken machine and pulls out his Nintendo DS* I’ll just go back to playing the game the way it was meant to be played.

Void: Fine.

Sean: *starts to walk away and stops* What? The game got glitched by that mess! I need to buy a new copy now.

Shadowstrike: Well, it could be worse.

Sean: *immediately shocked and drops his DS that breaks upon hitting the floor* I really need to find a way to remove this curse.

Shadowstrike: Sorry.

The End

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