The C:IA Holiday Special!

*Written by Outlaw88*

*’Twas the night before Christmas and all through the Whale King, much excitement and activity from our favorite super team. Each one was busy with the holiday so near, in the hope that no one will try and kill them this year.*

Void: *Eating a candy cane* Ah, I love this time of year. The weather is nice and cool, and people and Reploids are generally nicer to each other. Except when they are shopping anyway, and for once we might get left alone and have a nice time.

Sean: Like that will last long.

Metabad: Sure it will, in fact it’s gonna rawk! *Rawks!*

Majin: Zoooooooom!

*Majin runs around hanging his vines everywhere in an attempt to be decorative*

Shadowstrike: Not too bad, Majin. But next to my awesome Christmas tree your stuff can’t compare!

*Shadow points to a tiny, mini tree with way way way too much crap on it*

Void: Good grief.

*In walks Rebel with all arms full of coke*

Rebel: Ok I got my jolly fuel.

Dark Knight: Hey, something smells good. What are you cooking, Void?

Void: I’m not cooking anything. Shadow?

Shadowstrike: *trying to make his tree stand up* Nope, not me. Maybe Majin was sober long enough to put a roast in the oven or something.

Metabad: Are you kidding? Do you think we would even let him near the oven much less cook with it?

Majin: I’m a pretty pretty pony!! *Does a little jig*

Rebel: I bet I can figure out who it is. The one guy who should never be allowed anywhere near a kitchen. Why does Outlaw insist on trying to poison us?

Metabad: I guess he’s trying to be nice. But hey, *grins* it could be worse!

Sean: *ZAP* Ow! Don’t say that!

Dark Knight: Say what?

Sean: It could be worse. *ZAP* Ow, ow, ow! I hate you both…

*Just then Outlaw walks in with a huge steaming pot with the lid on. The rest gather around and gawk at it*

Outlaw: So what do you think? Who wants to try it first?

Rebel: I’m not convinced.

Outlaw: Oh it’s by far the best thing I’ve ever made. I used the best stuff I could find. I even sent the recipe to Chef Bender.

Void: I’m not touching it until I know what’s in it.

Outlaw: If you say so.

*Outlaw opens the lid. Uber putrid stuff*

Outlaw:(Sing to the tune of the 12 Days of Christmas)

The first thing I used in my recipe
Is mold I found in the pantry.
The next thing I used in my recipe
2 old shoes
And mold I found in the pantry

The next thing I used in my recipe
3 bad eggs
2 old shoes
And mold I found in the pantry

The next thing I used in my recipe
4 slimy slugs
3 bad eggs
2 old shoes
And mold I found in the pantry

The next thing I used in my recipe
5 GOOOOOOALD ROACHES!!!!

Shadowstrike: Just listening to this is making me sick.

Majin: Hey, the whatever-it-is in the pot is so strong I’m losing my buzz. What month is this?

Metabad: Um… December? Hence the holiday stuff and the rawking to the Christmas tree?

Majin: Wow awesome! Time to hit the eggnog!

*Majin leaves the room*

Sean: Jeez. Um Outlaw, this stuff…

Outlaw: It’s awesome I know. It has more in it too!

Void: And I’m sure you won’t stop until you tell us the rest right?

Rebel: Just one more reason why I won’t touch it.

Outlaw: *Resumes* The next thing I used in my recipe
6 spider legs

Dark Knight: Wait, only 6? What about the rest?

Outlaw: Made them into candy canes.

*Void spits out the cane he was eating and proceeds to gag*

Outlaw: The next thing I used in my recipe
7 flakes of dandruff
6 spider legs
5 GOLD ROACHES!
4 slimy slugs
3 bad eggs
2 old shoes
And mold I found in the pantry

Shadowstrike: You ok, Void?

Void: Ugh. Remind me to double check everything I eat.

Rebel: You think after living with these nuts you would have learned that on your own.

*Rebel takes a swig out of one of the cans he’s holding. He spits it right back out*

Rebel: WHO BROUGHT DR.PEPPER?!

Void: Looks like you should do the same.

*Majin rushes back in with a large pitcher of eggnog*

Majin: Noggggg… Is… *chugs* holiday treat!

Outlaw: Spiked the hell out of it huh?

Majin: Ya!

(Sung drunkenly to the tune of “Oh Dradle”)

Oooohhhhh eggnog, eggnog, eggnog
I fill you up with booze
Oh eggnog, eggnog, eggnog
With you I cannot lose!

*repeat a lot*

*Majin falls flat on his face*

Sean: Should we try and revive him or something?

Void: Nah, let him sleep it off.

Shadowstrike: He’s still useful though, check it out! *Puts the tree on top of Majin*

Metabad: Awesome! You know if he had gotten any drunker it…

Sean: Don’t you dare.

Metabad: It could have been…

Sean: I’m warning you!

Dark Knight: Might have been…

Sean: I swear I’ll hurt you both so freaking bad!

Metabad and Dark Knight: WORSE!!!

*Massive ZAP!*

Sean: When I regain feeling in most of my body you both are going to feel more pain than you have ever felt before.

Rebel: Ok who took the coke? I am not drinking the Dr. Pepper that’s in the fridge. Whoever bought that is going to feel my wrath by getting stabbed in the eyes!

Void: Is it really that big a deal?

Rebel: Of course it is! Don’t you know all I really want is one thing?

Rebel: (Sing to the chorus of “Jingle Bells”)

Gimme Coke, gimme Coke
And I don’t mean the drug!

If I could drink it all day
I’d be a happy bug!

Oh gimme Coke, gimme Coke
I’d drink it all down!

And if I ever needed cash
I’d sell you all to the pound!

Dark Knight: Hey!

Rebel: And I would, too!

*Rebel takes off towards the kitchen and raids the fridge*

*Elsewhere*

Anti and Frank: I hate all this singing!

Ryouga: I kinda like it, actually.

Frank: Shut up Pig-boy!

Ryouga: Scrooge…

Anti: I got coal again too…

*Back to the CIA*

Outlaw: So back to my masterpiece.

Void: There’s more?!

Outlaw: Yup!

The next thing I used in my recipe
8 lizard tongues
7 flakes of dandruff
6 spider legs
5 GOLD ROACHES!
4 slimy slugs
3 bad eggs
2 old shoes
And mold I found in the pantry

Void: Oy.

*The room goes dark and a single spotlight shines on Void*

Void: (Sung briefly to the tune of “Oh Little Town of Bethlehem”)

Oh why do I put up with them?
I could work without a fuss.

*Metabad pokes his head into the light*

Metabad: Because you’d get your ass kicked,
if it weren’t for the rest of us.

Void: Oh… Right.

*Elsewhere in the not-so-secret location of a cardboard box*

Serges: *Sigh* Yet another holiday with us in shame.

Agile: You would think that eventually our bad luck would change.

Violen: Hey guys guess what?

Agile: Your brain started working?

Violen: No, better than that! My stocking got filled!

Serges: You have a stocking?

Agile: What’s in it?

Violen: Coal!

Serges: Really?! That’s great! That’s exactly what we asked for!

Agile: No kidding, I’m freezing. Who’s got a light?

Violen: Uh…

Serges: Um…

Agile: *Sigh* Things never change.

*Back to the CIA*

Outlaw: Theeeeeee–

Void: Just skip to the end.

Outlaw: But I was having fun.

Metabad: If you really want to have fun, just keep doing the “Worse Curse” to Sean. I’ll never get tired of seeing him get zapped!

Dark Knight: It’s funny the way he twitches!

Sean: Payback time!

*Sean attacks DK and Meta*

Rebel: Alright I have enough Coke to make it through the rest. Go ahead Outlaw.

Outlaw: The last thing I used in my recipe
12 jars of sludge
11 rotting road-kill
10 mutant frogs
9 toe nail clippings
8 lizard tongues
7 flakes of dandruff
6 spider legs
5 GOLD ROACHES!
4 slimy slugs
3 bad eggs
2 old shoes
And mold I found in the pantryyyyyyyy!!!

Shadowstrike: Man that’s beyond gross. Far worse than anything you’ve ever made. How in the world do you expect us to eat that?

Outlaw: I don’t.

Void: Huh?

Rebel: Didn’t you say you wanted us to try?

Metabad: *Now with a black eye* Yeah. You called it a masterpiece and everything.

Dark Knight: *With two black eyes* I don’t get it.

Sean: If you didn’t make it for us, then who? Is it all for yourself?

Outlaw: Nope. This fine creation is for a “friend” of ours.

Majin: *Groggy and with the tree on his head* Tube socks…

Shadowstrike: You made it as a gift?

Outlaw: Ammunition.

*In one of the Whale King’s cells*

Trump: Blast those CIA idiots! How dare they lock me up! I’m the richest man in the world, not some common criminal. I’ll get them. As soon as I get out I’ll make them pay.

*A chute opens up above his jail window. It drops a special present in Trump’s cell.*

Trump: What in the world?

*The gift explodes upon impact with the floor filling the cell and covering Trump with the nasty dish*

Trump: I’LL GET YOU FOR THIS!!!

*Back with the CIA*

CIA: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Rebel: Oh man, I shot Coke out my nose!

Void: I have to admit that was awesome.

Outlaw: I knew you would get a kick out of that.

Dark Knight: Hey wait a minute, how come the good smell is still here? That wasn’t your stew?

Metabad: Didn’t you hear what was in it? There is no way that it could smell like that.

Sean: Then what?

Outlaw: Go in the kitchen and see.

Rebel: I’ve been in there already, nothing there.

Outlaw: Didn’t check under the sheet huh?

Rebel: Uh…

*They all go in the kitchen. Outlaw takes off a sheet that was covering a large table. All sorts of good food to be had*

Shadowstrike: Whoa! You made this? Better question, you can actually cook real food?

Outlaw: Of course! I figured you guys wanted a real feast this year. We are still a team and we survived a lot of bad situations. I pulled out all the stops this time.

Void: I’m actually impressed Outlaw. Wait… Did you wash you hands before you made all this?

Outlaw: I didn’t really want to but yeah. Dig in guys.

Dark Knight: I call first on the mashed potatoes!

Metabad: Something still doesn’t feel right. Something is missing.

Sean: I know!

CIA: HAPPY HOLIDAYS EVERYONE!

Majin: AND HAVE A NEW BEER!

Rebel: I think you mean have a Happy New Year.

Void: And I think we will too.

The End

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