*Written by Outlaw88* That’s me BTW.
*One evening, on the Whale King…*
Shadowstrike: What do you want me to do about it?
Majin: *In a squeaky voice* Feeeeed me. Feed me Seymour!
Shadowstrike: Not you, too…
Sean: I’m a little hungry myself.
Metabad: ‘Cuz starving could be…
*Sean forces Metabad’s mouth shut.*
Sean: Don’t even start. I swear I’ll kick your fiery ass.
*Both Sean and Metabad get shocked.*
Sean: *Angrily* Aw, come on! Even muttering sets this stupid curse off?
Majin: Heeeheeeeheeehee I’m a slinky dog! BoingBoing!!!!
Shadowstrike: Let’s just go to the kitchen before we kill each other.
*The four of them go to the kitchen where they see Rebel and Void arguing while DK is at the stove.*
Rebel: I’m not going to eat that!
Void: Why not?
Rebel: Are you blind? He’s been hanging out with Outlaw too long. Who knows what he’s really cooking?! It could be road kill again!
Dark Knight: It is not!
Rebel: Quiet you!
Void: First off, it was your bright idea to let Outlaw be a cook years back.
Rebel: So I made one mistake in my life. Sue me.
Dark Knight: I like his cooking.
Rebel: What did I just say?!
Void: Second, I’ve watched DK the entire time and it’s perfectly fine. He only used what was in here, nothing from the sewer or anything like that.
Metabad: He made the food? Does it RAWK?
Shadowstrike: Is it edible?
Majin: Is 42 really the answer to everything?
*Everyone gives Majin a puzzled stare.*
Sean: So… What did you make?
Dark Knight: Well…
*Rebel bitch slaps DK.*
Dark Knight: What the HELL was that for?!
Rebel: I didn’t give you permission to speak!
*Rebel gets some glares from the team.*
Rebel: Ok, ok sorry. You can talk now.
Dark Knight: As I was about to say, there wasn’t a whole lot to work with here since we’ve been busy, and didn’t buy any groceries, so I used the canned goods.
Shadowstrike: We had canned goods?
Dark Knight: Yeah, some stuff labeled “Super Plastic Artificial Meat.”
Rebel: You made Spam?
Dark Knight: Oh, that’s what it was.
Void: Funny. I don’t remember buying any of that.
Metabad’s stomach: *GROOOOWL*
Metabad: Whatever! Give me some now!
*Metabad grabs a plate and digs in.*
Sean: Couldn’t we just order pizza?
*Outlaw enters the room.*
Outlaw: ‘Sup guys?
Void: Did you buy Spam?
Outlaw: No. Spam is gross. Why would I ever buy Spam?
Rebel: Wait. You of all people is calling something gross?
Shadowstrike: Let me see one of those cans. *looks* Whoa… This stuff was made before I was born.
Majin: My mommy used to say, “When in doubt, throw it out” and then she lobbed a watermelon at my head. It tickled.
Metabad: Hey guys, I don’t feel so good.
Dark Knight: Soooo, I guess I’m not a chef yet?
Void: Probably not.
Sean: Want to give it a shot, Outlaw?
Outlaw: Nah, I’m going out tonight.
Rebel: You smell worse than usual, what’s the occasion?
Outlaw: I’ve got a date.
*Surprised stare from the team. Metabad vomits.*
Void: Really? Good for you man!
Rebel: I don’t believe it for one second.
Sean: Where did you meet her?
Outlaw: Online. She read my journal and we got to talking and now I’m going to go meet her.
Shadowstrike: Wait, you’ve never actually seen her?
Dark Knight: What if she is a he?
Outlaw: I knew you guys were going to grill me on this. I need to leave or I’ll be late. I’ll let you know how it goes.
Void: But Outlaw…
Rebel: HAVE FUN! BYE!
Void: Rebel, why did you just let him go? This could be a trap of some kind. We should…
Rebel: Follow him.
Void: So, you actually agree with me?
Rebel: Hell no. But there is no way in the world I’m going to miss the funniest thing I may ever see.
Shadowstrike: What do you mean?
Rebel: Think about it. What girl in her right mind would want to have a date with Outlaw? Even if he was honest over the net she’ll have no idea what he smells like. And whoever Outlaw talked to was probably lying. What if it was an 800 pound dude wearing a tutu?
Sean: Or that gorilla.
Majin: Or that random guy with the cheese and the rubber ducky!
Dark Knight: Or it could actually be a woman and they are having a normal date.
Rebel: *Sarcastically* Yeah right.
Sean: You done yet?
Metabad: Right. I’m RAWKING now. Let’s go!
*So the C:IA takes off in the Whale King and is able to follow Outlaw via the signal his return device gives off. Outlaw is swimming in the sewers unaware he is being tracked from above.*
Dark Knight: Are you sure we should be doing this?
Void: Yeah, I’m starting to feel like this is a bad idea. Outlaw can take care of himself and I don’t think he’d like us spying on him.
Rebel: Come on guys, you know I’m right about this. It will be hilarious!
Metabad: Oh yeah!
*Majin tackles Metabad.*
Shadowstrike: Ok, he’s come up from the sewer. I’m going to park this thing.
*The C:IA head out and find the restaurant that Outlaw was seen going into.*
Rebel: This will be good.
Host: *Ahem* Reservations?
Host: You can’t get in without reservations.
Rebel: I know this game. Here ya are my good man.
*Rebel hands him a Coke.*
Host: Sir, this will not do.
Rebel: Then gimmie it back.
*Rebel grabs the Coke back and drinks it.*
Void: Maybe we should leave.
Rebel: Screw that. Sean, stand over here.
Sean: Uh… Ok.
Rebel: Metabad, DK, do what you love to do. *shoves Sean into the host.*
Metabad and Dark Knight: IT COULD BE WORSE!!!
*The massive jolt knocks the Host out. Smoke is coming off of Sean.*
Sean: I hate you all.
*They go in and scramble to find a hiding place. They dive under a long table across from where Outlaw is sitting alone. They all peek out from the table cloth.*
Rebel: Ok now. Let’s see the freak show!
*They watch as Outlaw stands up and greets his date. The team is surprised by what they see.*
Dark Knight: That’s no 800 pound dude.
Void: Have anything to say Rebel?
Rebel: No freaking way! How in the Hell…
Sean: I think I recognize her.
Shadowstrike: From where?
Sean: I bumped into her during my quest to remove my curse.
Rebel: Ok, this could still be funny. Let’s get in closer to see how it goes.
Void: Can’t we just leave?
Metabad: Not yet, I want to see him RAWK!
Sean: Shh! You idiot!
Rebel: Hey Majin, c’mere.
*Rebel grabs a large potted plant and yanks it out. He then stuffs Majin into the pot.*
Rebel: Repeat after me. I am a potted plant.
Majin: You are a spotted ant.
*Rebel smacks Majin.*
Rebel: You are a potted plant.
Majin: I is a plant in da pot.
Shadowstrike: Good enough.
*Rebel slides the pot with Majin across the room and gets close to the table Outlaw and his date are sitting at. He held onto one of Majin’s vines while doing so.*
Void: And what was the purpose of that?
Rebel: Check it out.
*Rebel holds up the vine. They are able to hear everything that is being said.*
Void: That’s… impressive actually. How did you figure that out?
Metabad: Me and Rebel was playing hello phone and ran out of bananas!
Dark Knight: What?
Rebel: Don’t ask.
*At the table.*
Outlaw: It’s so nice to finally meet you, Nega.
Nega: Likewise. I have to admit you weren’t what I was expecting.
Outlaw: How so?
Nega: Usually people lie over the net. I was half expecting to see a Metool sitting here.
*They both laugh. Back across the room.*
Sean: That’s right, Nega was her name. I can’t believe I forgot that.
Shadowstrike: Quiet. I want to hear this.
*Back at the table.*
Outlaw: You know a decent bit about me from my journal, but I hardly know you. Tell me a bit about yourself.
Nega: Sure. As you can see, I’m a copy of Zero and I’ve got all his moves. I was created by some losers who called themselves the X-Hunters to be their backup or something but they were so inept at everything they did that I just left*.
*See Specials Epilogue “Negated”
Outlaw: Wow. What did you do after that?
Nega: I decided I wanted to be more than just a copy. I traveled around for a few years to increase my strength and get some experience.
Outlaw: I did something like that not long ago.
Majin: ZZZZZ *SNOOORE* ZZZZZ
Nega: Is that plant snoring?
Outlaw: *Sees Majin and the vine* So it is. S’cuz me.
*Across the room.*
Dark Knight: Did you hear that?!
Void: She’s a creation of the X-Hunters?!
Metabad: Not cool!
Rebel: I knew this was a good idea to follow Outlaw in case of a trap. Glad I thought of it.
Sean: Yeah, right! You weren’t concerned for Outlaw’s safety at all! You just wanted a laugh at his expense.
Rebel: Shut up, Sean.
Sean: No! This isn’t right, man!
Rebel: Could be worse.
Sean: *Shocked* DAMN IT!
Shadowstrike: Hey, Outlaw isn’t at the table.
Rebel: What?! You idiots!
Metabad: It wasn’t my fault!
*The three of them bicker.*
Outlaw: ‘Sup DK?
Dark Knight: Hey Outlaw! Shhh! You have to be quiet; we’re watching Outlaw out there.
Dark Knight: Yeah, ‘cuz you see we… and you… oh… Guys?
Shadowstrike: Not now, man.
Dark Knight: No seriously, um… I know where Outlaw is.
Dark Knight: *Points*
Rebel: Uh… Hey, dude.
Outlaw: Hey, boss bug. What are you guys doing here?
Metabad: Ummm… RAWKING?
Outlaw: Right. Well, I think you can leave now.
Rebel: What if we don’t?
Outlaw: You are aware that I can rip your heads off without even trying, right?
Rebel: Good point. We’ll be leaving.
Outlaw: See you guys later, then.
Sean: Well… that was awkward. Guess we should head off.
Shadowstrike: Wait! Look!
*The team sees Nega put something in Outlaw’s drink. A few moments later Outlaw sits back down at the table.*
Dark Knight: That isn’t cool at all.
Void: As much as I hate to say this we need to stay and help Outlaw.
Sean: But how? He just threatened to tear our heads off.
Rebel: We’ll just have to be careful that’s all.
Sean: What about that stuff she put in his drink?
Void: Obviously he didn’t tell her everything about himself. Outlaw can eat or drink anything. We should know just from his cooking.
Rebel: Let’s get out from under this table and keep an eye out for anything. Don’t interfere unless necessary.
*They get out from their hiding place. Before he goes Rebel lets go of the vine he had and it snaps back to Majin who wakes up from his little booze-induced nap.*
Majin: Nyuh? Oh right. I a plant.
Outlaw: Sorry about that Nega.
Nega: No problem. Have a sip of your drink; mine is good.
*Outlaw takes a drink with Nega looking on in anticipation. Nothing happens.*
Outlaw: Hey, that had a bit of a kick to it! I’ve got to tell Rebel that they added some spice to Coke. Want some?
Nega: No thanks. I’m more of a Sprite kind of girl.
*A waiter carrying a bottle of Champagne passes by. Majin grabs the bottle without being noticed and starts to down it.*
Majin: OoOoOoOoh… fancy.
Outlaw: *To Nega* What’s the matter?
Nega: Is that plant guy a friend of yours?
Outlaw: Yeah. He’s a mess but he’s fun to hang out with. *turns around* Maj dude, what are you doing, man?
Majin: ShHhH! *Glug Glug* I is incoo..incog…Underwear. Hehe, tighty whities! Undercover!
Outlaw: Right. Go easy on that stuff. You might react differently to it since you mostly drink beer.
*While Outlaw has his back turned, Nega ignites her beam saber and is about to strike but is blocked by Rebel’s saber. They are locked in this position.*
Rebel: I don’t think so!
Nega: Don’t think this will make me give up.
*As Outlaw begins to turn back around both Nega and Rebel withdraw their weapons. Rebel quickly teleports away.*
Outlaw: Where were we?
Nega: I’ll be right back, ok?
*Nega gets up and heads away from the table. The team watches her go.*
Shadowstrike: She’s totally on to us guys; it’s only a matter of time before she tries to kill us, too.
Metabad: I’ve got more bad news.
Sean: Now what?
Metabad: Spam’s coming back.
Dark Knight: Hey, there she is. It looks like she’s aiming at Outlaw’s back.
Shadowstrike: I’ve got an idea.
Rebel: It better be good.
*Back at the table.*
Outlaw: I sure hope she’s having a good time.
*Nega fires a blast at Outlaw. Before it can connect Shadow uses a Sonic Slicer on the legs of Outlaw’s chair causing him to fall and avoid the shot. The blast goes through a wall but no one seems to care.*
Nega: I can’t believe this!
Rebel: Good job for once, Shadow.
Shadowstrike: Thanks… I think…
*Back at the table.*
Outlaw: Stupid chair. Waiter!
*A waiter replaces Outlaw’s chair. Nega comes back looking disappointed. She sits back down and sips her drink.*
Outlaw: What’s wrong?
Nega: *Sighs* Nothing. *Singing softly under her breath* Life is unfair…
Outlaw: Boss of Me.
Nega: *Surprised* Huh?
Outlaw: That song you were singing. It was Boss of Me by They Might be Giants.
Nega: How did you know that?
Outlaw: They’re my favorite band.
Nega: Mine too!
Outlaw: Awesome! Have a favorite song?
Nega: It’s tough to pick just one. I like a lot of their early work, but the new stuff is just as fun.
Outlaw: Yeah, I hear ya. I’ve got a bunch of their albums, and the only thing that comes close in quantity is the punk music I’ve got.
Nega: You like punk too?! Wow, and I thought I was a minority when it came to that. The only thing I like better than that is movies.
Outlaw: I love movies!
*Back with the team.*
Sean: Now what are they doing?
Dark Knight: It kinda looks like they are having fun. Look, she’s even laughing.
Rebel: Impossible. We’ve got to get over there. She may be getting information out of him.
Shadowstrike: But how?
Metabad: I’ve got an idea this time! I RAWK! YEEEEAH! *Pumps fists*
Void: Take it easy. You were just throwing up.
Metabad: O-rite. Check this.
*Metabad grabs a passing waiter. A few moments later Metabad leaps from where he was hiding, now dressed as the waiter. He heads over to the table Outlaw and Nega are sitting at.*
Void: This will never work.
Dark Knight: It works in the cartoons.
Sean: Yeah, but this is real life.
Rebel: *To the audience* Don’t tell him. He’ll spaz. Yeah, I’m breaking the fourth wall. I’m cool like that.
Shadowstrike: Are you talking to yourself again?
Rebel: Just keep an eye on Metabad. He can do this.
*Back at the table.*
Nega: Use the force, Luke!
Outlaw: Don’t cross the streams!
Majin: *hic* Snooch to da Nooch!
*Metabad walks up to them*
Metabad: Can I take your order? I RAWK like that ‘cuz I’ll get it back to ya real fast. I’ll RAWK that kitchen so hard that the pots and pans will jump out the window in fear! YEAH! I RULE!
*Majin leaps out of the pot and begins to dance on the table.*
Nega: Hahahaha! This is a riot!
Metabad: Yeah, I suppose this could be worse.
*In the distance.*
Sean: OW! THAT DOES IT!
*Sean rushes over to the table, but before he gets there Metabad vomits again.*
Metabad: Ohhhhh. Ok I think that was finally the last of it.
*Sean tackles Metabad. The rest of the team comes out to confront Nega.*
Rebel: Ok, we’re done playing nice.
Outlaw: What in the Hell are you guys doing?!
Dark Knight: She was trying to kill you!
Shadowstrike: We saw her! Honest!
Outlaw: Don’t tell me this is true.
Void: Ugh… Not now.
Balrog: *Falls through the ceiling.* Found you guuuuys!
Rebel: Bad timing. We are really not in the mood to deal with you right now.
Balrog: Too bad! I’m not gonna mess up this time!
*Balrog rushes at them. Nega fires a shot and sends him flying.*
Balrog: Not agaaaaaaaaaain!
Rebel: That doesn’t excuse you!
Nega: I’m sorry Outlaw. It did start out that way but I started to get to know you and was having fun. In fact, this was more fun than I’ve ever had.
Void: Why were you doing this in the first place then?
Nega: I… I had no choice.
???: You made your choice.
Sean: What the…?
Yuber: Didn’t you?
Void: What are you up to now?!
Yuber: My days of taking orders are done. For centuries I’ve done the dirty work of others with the promise of chaos and destruction, and not once has it worked. It’s time I took command of my own force. Nega here is going to be a member of it.
Nega: *Upset* I’m sorry, I really am.
Yuber: You should have heard her. She wished for ultimate power. Power enough to level cities and be unstoppable. I came to her and gave her this power, in exchange for her service. Now it’s time for you to show them what you’ve got.
Rebel: Oh no you don’t!
*Rebel dives at Yuber with his saber drawn and slashes. Yuber easily moves out of the way.*
Yuber: Foolish bug! Nega!
*Yuber raises his hand and a dark cloud surrounds Nega.*
Metabad: Not RAWKIN’!
*Nega sends a blast at Metabad who is unable to avoid it. It sends him flying into Majin who was still dancing on the table. They both hit the wall at the other side of the room.*
Majin: Ow… I think that brain my damaged.
*DK and Shadow fire their weapons at Nega while Rebel and Void go after Yuber who has joined the fight.*
Sean: Come on Outlaw, we need to get in there and help!
Outlaw: You’re right. You help DK and Shadow. I’ve got business with Yuber.
*Sean fires his weapon at Nega but she is able to dodge and is using her saber to deflect their attacks as well.*
Shadowstrike: This sucks!
Sean: Don’t give up!
*Rebel and Yuber are crossing swords while Void and Outlaw continue to try and land blows. While Rebel is able to keep up with him, Yuber is much to fast for the rest.*
Rebel: You aren’t going to get away from us this time.
Yuber: Don’t be so sure of yourself.
*Yuber fires a blast at Void, knocking him out of the air.*
*Back with the other three. Nega has taken Shadow out by landing a strong kick to his head.*
Sean: Maybe if I could slow her down.
Dark Knight: Better idea!
*DK creates a large puddle of water on the ground.*
Sean: Oh no.
Dark Knight: IT COULD BE WORSE!
*The bolt sends a shockwave through Sean and the water and zaps Nega. However, with the water present the shock had a greater effect on Sean who is knocked back against the wall. Nega is stunned by the electricity.*
Dark Knight: Whoops.
Sean: I’ll get you for this.
*Rebel and Yuber are still dueling, but now Rebel is gaining the upper hand and dealing some blows.*
Rebel: You’re not as tough as you used to be.
Yuber: It seems I used more power on Nega than I thought. No matter. I’m still going to win this fight.
Rebel: Oh yeah?
Yuber: Watch me.
*Yuber creates a large burst of energy from his body sending Rebel, DK and Outlaw flying*
Yuber: That was a good warm up round, wouldn’t you say, Nega?
Nega: *Coldly* Yes.
Yuber: Still awake? How annoying. Nega, put him under.
*Nega fires a blast at Outlaw*
Outlaw: Just what I wanted.
*Outlaw opens his mouth wide and inhales the blast.*
*Outlaw returns the now amplified blast back at Nega and Yuber hitting them both. Nega is sent across the room.*
Yuber: You’ll pay for that, you slimey freak!
Outlaw: Bring it!
*Yuber and Outlaw rush at each other. Yuber being the faster of the two is able to deal a lot of damage while Outlaw is struggling to block and fight back*
Yuber: Still too slow. You haven’t a chance against me.
Outlaw: That’s what you think!
*Outlaw activates his spin wheels. Instead of launching them from his body he uses their added momentum to his advantage. Yuber has to avoid the moving blades and the now faster punches.*
Metabad: We’ve got your back man!
*The team, now recovered, lunges at Yuber. Seeing this, Yuber pulls out both his swords and uses one to trip Outlaw and the other to point at his neck*
Yuber: If you value your friend’s life I suggest you stand down.
Outlaw: Forget me! HIT HIM!
Rebel: You dirty son of a…
Nega: You said you wanted a battle when both you and they were ready. Now is not the time.
Yuber: Right you are. I’ve no need to finish you off. Yet. Come Nega.
*Yuber and Nega begin to fade. Before they go Nega gives Outlaw a sad look.*
Nega: I’m sorry Outlaw… It’s like TMBG sang; “Can’t shake the devil’s hand and say you’re only kidding.”
Void: Everybody ok?
Sean: I think so.
Shadowstrike: If Yuber is forming his own team, things are going to be tough for us.
Dark Knight: Between this and the New X-Hunters, we can never catch a break. What should we do?
Rebel: A sudden assault isn’t Yuber’s style. I have a feeling he’ll bide his time until he’s ready.
Majin: LIKE CHEESE!!!!
Shadowstrike: Right. Like cheese.
Metabad: Can we go? I think the Spam is coming back.
Dark Knight: You ok, Outlaw?
*Back aboard the Whale King, now high in the air. Outlaw is on the balcony looking out. Void enters.*
Void: You alright? You haven’t said anything since we left the restaurant.
Void: I’ll leave you be. *Starts to leave*
Outlaw: She saved me Void. She saved us.
Void: That may be, but she’s with Yuber now. I don’t think there is a way back for her.
Outlaw: I can’t accept that Void. I have to save her. And I think beating Yuber is the only way to do it.
Rebel: *above them on the ceiling* You’re not the only one with a score to settle, you know. *Drops down* I’ve got your back, just like I know you would do the same for me. We can save her. If she wants to be saved, that is.
Void: Don’t say that!
Outlaw: It’s ok. He’s right. No matter what we have to take these threats down.
Void: You coming in?
Outlaw: I’m going to stay out here for a bit longer.
Rebel: All right, but don’t stay out here too long. Metabad’s throwing up again and it’s a different color each time. You can’t beat entertainment like that.
*Rebel and Void go back inside*
Outlaw: *Quietly singing* Life is unfair…
Tags: Balrog, C:IA, Cave Story, Code: Island Attackers, Date, epilogue, episode, funny, gross, Mega Man X, Nega, Outlaw88, Script, Spam, Story, Suikoden, They Might be Giants, weird, Wheel Gator, Yuber, Zero