Super Dispenser

*Written by Shadowstrike*

Trump: *stroking a cat* Yes, yes. *presses a button* Is it done?

Technician: Yes sir, Mr. Trump, sir, we are just putting the finishing touches on it right now.

Trump: No, you’re done. *presses another button and kills the technician* See that kitty? I killed the man!

2nd Technician: Should we bring it to your office sir?

Trump: Yes. Do that.

*A few minutes later*

2nd Technician: Here you are, sir. Your ultimate project. *pulls a tarp off a nearby large machine* The ultimate Coca-Cola dispenser. It dispenses Coca-Cola and all its products at the perfect temperature for free.

Trump: Good. Now you die! *presses another button and his cat explodes*

2nd Technician: …

Trump: …

2nd Technician: I’ll leave?

Trump: *shoots the technician* Not with your life.

2nd Technician: YOU SHOT ME IN THE FOOT!

Trump: Whiner. *throws him out the 42nd floor window*


Rebel: !!!

Void: What’s wrong Reb? Majin jump in the toilet again?

Rebel: No… no… something… else.

Outlaw: Disturbance in the force?

Rebel: Almost. Wait, no. I’ve felt this once before. This is… my Coca-Cola senses…!!! *dashes out of the room*

Majin: moimeyz? *is shoved out of the way, into the toilet*

Void: God damn it!

Sean: Hey, Reb, where you going?

Rebel: !!! *throws Sean out of the way, who flies into Dark Knight, both landing in a heap in the corner*

Sean: What’s wrong with him?

Dark Knight: Could be worse…

Sean: I ha–*is shocked, Dark knight also*

Dark Knight: *coughing smoke* So worth it…

Metabad: Reb! What’s rawkin?!

Rebel: !!! *runs into the cockpit and throws Shadowstrike out*

Shadowstrike: Ow! What’s his problem?

Metabad: I don’t know, it’s not in The Handbook to All Rawkin.

Shadowstrike: Is that an actual book?

Metabad: I wrote it! *rawks*

Rebel: No… it can’t be. It just can’t! This day was never supposed to come!

Void: *banging on the door* Rebel! LET US IN! YOU’RE NOT QUALIFIED TO FLY!


Void: I–… too far! *runs off*

Shadowstrike: Outlaw, Break the door down.

Outlaw: Okay. *slams into the door, shattering it*

Rebel: Guys! Stay back! This is my holy grail!

Sean: Rebel, you’re circling the Trump Taj Mahal.

Rebel: It’s in there.

Void: *coming back with a box of tissues* What is?

Rebel: Okay, guys. *lands the Whale King (HEY IT DIDN’T CRASH THIS TIME!!!!)* This is a legend passed down by Coca-Cola lovers, from one to another. There is a legendary Coca-Cola dispenser, said to exist only in myth. Such machine is said to dispense any and all Coca-Cola products, even the abysmal New Coke.

Outlaw: I always wanted to try New Coke…

Rebel: Yes, so do I, if only for prosperity sake. The best part of this machine, is that it does it for free! And… the soda’s are always in the perfect temperature, for each person. Guys, this machine might exist. And it is my duty as a coke drinker to see if it is. Can I trust I have your help?


*A few minutes later,outside the Whale King*

Rebel: *walking in front of his motley crew of warriors* Men! I stand before, not for selfish purpose, or personal gain.

Metabad: Stop, you will ruin us.

Rebel: But because I have been ordained, by a power greater than I. I will lead us towards victory. We shall go thru the halls of security, where many men will try to stop us with bullets and weapons, then onto the icy laden halls of Trump’s office, where we will find our prize! Shadow to the front!

Shadowstrike: Yes, sir!

Rebel: Shadow, your speed is that of the mythological Hermes. You will lead us as a scout. Do you accept your charge?

Shadowstrike: Aye, sir!

Rebel: Outlaw to the front!

Outlaw: Aye, sir!

Rebel: Outlaw, with your elvish eyes, and inhuman strength, you shall be my backup. You will make sure none of us falter or fall behind. This is your charge. The charge of the caboose. Do you accept?

Outlaw: Aye, sir!

Rebel: Ready men? FORWARD!

Void: If we go forward, we go into a wall.

Rebel: …Ready men? TURN! THEN FORWARD!

Sean: Maybe he will really will ruin us…

Dark Knight: It could be worse…

Sean: You son–BZZT!! *falls down*

Dark Knight: Hehehe… It never gets old.


Dark Knight: Hey… you okay?


Dark Knight: …Oh… crap… *pokes Sean* WAKE UP! WAKE UP!

Sean: *kicks DK out a window*


Sean: I ha–BZZT!! *explodes into sparks*

Rebel: Can we get a damn medic?

*In a deeper part of the base*

Rebel: Shadow! Any reports?

Shadowstrike: None sir, the building is completely empty, save for the extremely fortified 13th floor.

Rebel: That’s where we go. What are the routes?

Shadowstrike: There are three routes, one up the stairs, one on the outside of the building, and one in the broken elevator shaft. Each is heavily guarded.

Void: Is this a final dungeon?


Metabad: Let’s rawk it up the side!

Rebel: Sean, Shadow, and Void, take the elevator shaft.

Sean: I can’t fly.

Rebel: Well that will suck for you then, won’t it? Outlaw, lead DK and Drunky up the stairs.

Majin: Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeey I take offense to that. I am nto dnokey knog!

*Later, in the elevator shaft*

Shadowstrike: *wall jumping* Stupid elevator being broken.

Sean: I agree. This is just retarded.

Void: Sean, how are you getting up here?

Sean: You’re carrying me.

Void: Would you have any other way to get up?

Sean: Nooope.

Void: Think you should stop complaining?

Sean: …Yeah…

Shadowstrike: Um guys, we got trouble.

Void: What makes you say that?

Shadowstrike: Well, I’m plastered to the wall in Oreo cr?me.

Sean: We’re you eating an Oreo?

Shadowstrike: No.

Sean: Are you sure?

Shadowstrike: YES SEAN, I AM SURE!

Sean: Okay, okay, I am just checking.

Oreo: IT WAS-A ME! *throws cr?me at Sean*

Sean: Okay, I believe Shadow, now VOID SAVE ME!

Void: *sighs and Silk Shots the cr?me* Shadow, cut your self loose. *flies up towards Oreo*


Void: *braces himself* Oh, this is nice.

Shadowstrike: I gotcha! *jump kicks the falling Loreo out of Void’s path*

Sean: *fires his shell towards the falling Loreo* Void! Finish it!

Loreo: OH-A NO! *is slammed by the shell and goes flying up*

Void: Got you! *throws a Silk Shot strand towards Loreo and nabs him and spins him, and slams him hard into the ground, and then again a few more times until Loreo was nothing more than a cr?me stain on the ground* Ew…


Sean: Your turn.

Oreo: Nah-uh! *pulls out a giant sized oreo* Not with-a this! With-a this I’ll become a Supa Oreo! *chomps and grows*

Super Oreo: FEAR A-ME NOW!

Void: Sigh… Let’s go.

Shadowstrike: *jumps up and fires a Sonic Slicer at the towering cookie, only for it get lodged into him and do nothing* Aw… great. I can’t do anything to Stay Puft.

Sean: My turn! *fires a Crystal Hunter, and it too lodges in the giant clump of goo* Great.

Super Oreo: Oh-a no! You can’t a-hurt me? Too a-bad! *slams Shadow and Sean into the ground*

Shadow and Sean: Gah! *glued to the ground*

Void: Shit!

Super Oreo: Now just-a you are left! Say-a good night! *lumbers towards Void, who just flies up over him*

Void: Hmm…

Super Oreo: Get a-back down here you a coward! I’m a-gonna kill you!

Void: Come get me! *flies over towards the wall*

Super Oreo: I’M A-GONNA CRUSH-A YOU! *lumbers towards him*

Void: And… now! *fires his huge BFG laser directly into Super Oreo*

Super Oreo: OH-A NO! *falls a part and is blasted away into nothing*

Void: *blasts the cr?me off of Shadow and Sean* Come up, let’s keep going.

*On the stairs*

Dark Knight: Why do I have to drag him?

Outlaw: Because Rebel said so.

Dark Knight: No he didn’t.

Outlaw: I said he did. And that’s final.

Majin: FINAL? dun dun dun dun dunna dun dun dun ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWN WOOO!

Dark Knight: No crappy 80’s songs! *kicks Majin*

Outlaw: Hey! I like 80’s songs!

Dark Knight: No! *goes to kick Outlaw but is hit by a large object*

Outlaw: 80’s song win. Haha.

Majin: YEAH! *does a pose*

Dark Knight: You jerks! I was hit by… an Oreo… barrel?

Outlaw: Oh god… not another Oreo thing.

Dunky Kong: Ooh-ooh! *throws another barrel*

Dark Knight: NOT THIS TIME! *jumps toward it and extends his spikes* HAHA! *is hit and is now covered from head to toe in cr?me* Yeah… I didn’t think this one through very well.

Majin: MUNKY!!! *throws a wire chain at Dunky Kong* TRUK NOT MUNKY! *the chain goes deep into the cr?me monkey and stays there* GIVE THAT BACK! *throws another, it also sticks* Ruh-roh.

Dunky Kong: *roars and grabs the wire chains and swings Majin, slamming him into the wall, then the ceiling, then slams him into DK, knocking the two out for now*

Outlaw: No! No!!

Dunky Kong: *grunts*

Outlaw: Oh, you are going down you damn dirty ape! *charges*

Dunky Kong: *charges forward too, and throws a Oreo barrel at him*

Outlaw: No chance! *throws a Spin Wheel at the barrel, making it explode and evaporate. The Spin Wheel keeps going and slices through the cr?me monkey’s leg, sending him tumbling towards Outlaw* LUNCH TIME! *opens his jaws wide*

Dunky Kong: !!!! *tries to get away but…*

Outlaw: *CHOMP* Tasty.

Dark Knight: Good going… now get us out of here!

Outlaw: Hehehe. Sure. *throws Spin Wheels*

Dark Knight: GAH!

*Outside of the building*

Metabad: This rawks! *running up the side of the building*

Rebel: *climbing* Not really.

Metabad: No, it rawks! *rawks*

Rebel: Is it much further?

Metabad: About 15 stories.

Rebel: We shoulda took the stairs and made Sean come this way.

Metabad: It could be worse.

*Back in the elevator*

Sean: *shocked* OW!

Void: *also shocked* DAMN IT!

*Back outside*

Rebel: Did you say that just so it would shock him?

Metabad: Why else would I say that?

Rebel: Nice job.

Metabad: Thank you.

*Suddenly a low rumble is heard*

Rebel: You hear something?

Metabad: Yeah, I did.

???: Mwahahah!!

Rebel: Are you kidding me?

Metabad: What… is that?


Rebel: Sigh… Ready Metabad?

Metabad: Let’s rawk! *jumps towards the towering form of Oreowser*

Oreowser: No chance! *swats Metabad away*

Metabad: Not rawkin! *grabs back onto the building*

Rebel: Attack the car, not him! *tosses Magnet Mines at the car*

Metabad: Gotcha! *fires Speed Burners towards the car*

Oreowser: Not likely! *dodges all and starts breathing Oreo crumbs at the two, making them scramble to dodge*

Rebel: Come on! This guy is insane! *throws a Magnet Mine and guides it to the bottom propeller* That should work! *it explodes and the car wobbles* Yes!

Oreowser: Grawr! *slams his Oreo car into Rebel, slamming him against the side of the building and through it*

Rebel: Get away from me! *kicks Oreoswer in the face*

Oreowser: You’re done! *gets out of the Oreo car and slams it into Rebel, knocking him back*

Metabad: That’s it! *drop kicks towards Oreowser*

Oreowser: *spins and swats Metabad back with the Oreo car, knocking him out of the building*

Rebel: YOU ARE GOING DOWN! *throws 15 Magnet Mines into the oreo car, they explode and it becomes nothing more than vapor* NOW FOR YOU! *pounces onto Oreowser. He hits him with such a force the two crash through the floor and he starts tearing into the Oreo King*

Oreowser: GET OFF OF ME! *spins and knocks Rebel off*

Metabad: BIG MISTAKE! *flame kicks Oreowser*

Oreowser: GRAWL!! *latches onto Metabad, and slams him into the next floor and they go through it*

Metabad: Grr… you filthy Oreo! *kicks the Oreo turtle off of him and quickly spins and kicks him towards the window. The giant Oreo goes flying out of it*

Oreowser: *goes to grab back towards the window*

Rebel: NO CHANCE! *drop kicks the beast and sends it flying towards the ground at terminal velocity*

Oreowser: *growls and grabs at Rebel, but misses* YOU HAVEN’T SEEN THE LAST OF MEEEE–*slams into the ground*

Rebel: That was tougher than it should have been…

Metabad: Yeah, but it still rawks.

Rebel: You know it! *rawks*

Metabad: *rawks*

*Later, inside the building*

Sean: An Oreo Donkey Kong?

Dark Knight: Yeah. Believe it?

Sean: I don’t get what it is with Trump and these Oreo Nintendo characters.


*They do so*

Rebel: I thank you. You have followed me through many a peril. Many Oreo enemies, some we haven’t seen before. I now ask you: There is one more challenge. Through that door, lies our greatest enemy. A Mr. Donald Trump. Will you follow me? I can not guarantee you will all survive. Do I have all of you?

Outlaw: You have my wheel!

Shadowstrike: You have my slicers!

Sean: You have my crystals!


Metabad: You have my flames!

Dark Knight: You have my bubbles!

Void: Give me a break… *gets looked at* Okay, okay, you have my silk.

Rebel: Men, no. My friends. Thank you! Now are you READY?

Everyone else: YAAA!

Rebel: NOW LET’S GO! *charges through the door*


*A single clap is heard, then another*

Trump: Long time no see, Island Attackers. I must admit I did not expect to see you again like this. I must commend your efforts. But you see, it was all in vain.


Trump: Heheh. No chance. You can’t win this one. For the soda machine… wants to stay… with me. *snaps fingers and the soda machine starts the spark and shine, and soon its form changes and becomes almost transformer like*

Dispensor: You fools! Trump created me, why would I go with you?

Outlaw: He’s pure evil!

Dispensor: So. Am. I.


Void: *slaps Rebel*

Rebel: Thanks Void. That can’t be true! COKE IS UNCORRUPTABLE!

Dispensor: He infused the pure essence of Pepsi into each can inside me.

Rebel: You… you… YOU FIEND! *throws a Magnet Mine at Trump*

Trump: You fool. *swats the mine towards Sean*

Sean: Gah!

Majin: *uses his chain to knock the mine away*

Sean: Thanks.

Rebel: CIA! ATTACK! *jumps towards Dispensor, only to be knocked out of the air by a can* IT BURNS!!!

Dark Knight: *splashes Rebel with Bubble Splash*

Shadowstrike: Sean! Hide in your shell!

Sean: Okay! *hides in his shell*

Shadowstrike: TAKE THIS! *kicks Sean at the enemy*

Sean: I DIDN’T AGREE TO THIS! *slams into Dispensor*

Shadowstrike: *kicks the rebounding shell back into the large robot*

Dispensor: You die. Now. *intercepts Sean and slams him into the ground, knocking him out*

Rebel: Shadow! That was reckless!

Shadowstrike: Sorry… I… thought… never mind. *jumps back firing Sonic Slicers*

Outlaw: *uses his drill spin to bore into the giant robot* This thing is tough…

Dispensor: Yes. I am. For I was made by the Glorious Master Trump.

Void: Why can’t this be a short fight?

Dispensor: For that you go down next! *starts to chain fire cans towards the moth*

Void: Nice aim! *dodges each one*

Rebel: YOU FAKER! *tosses a Magnet Mine onto it’s can launcher. It explodes and the gun is broken* NO ATTACKS NOW HUH?

Dispensor: Wrong. The glorious Trump has given me another attack for which to destroy you. *a large nozzle appears over his shoulder. He aims towards Rebel and starts to blast high pressure Coca-Cola*

Rebel: *nimbly dodging* Any other day this would be heaven… *disappears and reappears behind Majin*

Majin: GASP!!!

Rebel: Majin, I need you to start charging your thunderbolt.

Majin: OKEZ! *does so*

Rebel: DISTRACT HIM! *throws Magnet Mines at Dispensor*

Dispensor: Failure. *blasts them out of the air* You miserable failure.

Shadowstrike: *fires a Sonic Slicer, getting Dispensor’s attention quickly*

Dispensor: *starts to fire towards Shadow*

Metabad: HEY OVER HERE! *flame kicks Dispensor in the knee*

Dispensor: *starts to get lost with all the targets*

Dark Knight: *throws himself towards the giant robot, spikes out*

Void: *throws a Silk Shot at DK, stopping him* Trust me!

Dark Knight: Go for it!

Void: *starts to use DK like a mace*

Rebel: Good thinking. Everyone! KEEP IT UP!

*Everyone keeps attacking Dispensor, who can’t even lock on for longer than a second onto any of the CIA*

Majin: Done! *fires the giant electric beam into the nozzle of the giant robot, shocking its reserve of soda, and causing the robot to explode*

Trump: Sigh… another minion destroyed. Yet again, I must leave.

Outlaw: No, you’re going back to jail where you belong, Trump!

Trump: That is impossible. For you see, we are eternal enemies, no matter where the time or place. Goodbye CIA. We will meet again. *teleports out*


Void: Let’s… just get out of here…

Dark Knight: Rebel was wearing a shirt?

Metabad: That was rawkin!

*Later, in the Whale King…*

Void: Don’t worry Rebel, you’ll find it one day.

Rebel: I know I will. I can sense it. It’s vague… but it it’s out there. And I’m making it my life’s mission to find it! *places hand on the window* For… it will… complete me…

The End


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