Monkey Madness

*Written by Shadowstrike*

*It had been one month since the CIA’s sudden break-up. With all of the members having gone their own way, it was a curious sight to see two unlikely members, still onboard the Whale King, stick together, for better or for worse…*

Shadowstrike: *singing* Oh, what a beautiful morning! Oh, what a beautiful day! I’ve got a wonderful feeling today’s going to be a–

Dark Knight: Hi.

Shadowstrike: …Miserable day…

Dark Knight: What are we doing?

Shadowstrike: Flying.

Dark Knight: Oh cool! Where are we going?

Shadowstrike: Wherever I want.

Dark Knight: Can we go to Disneyland?

Shadowstrike: No.

Dark Knight: Disney World?

Shadowstrike: Nope.

Dark Knight: EURO DISNEY?

Shadowstrike: No! I’ve decided that I am going to fulfill my life long dream now that the opportunity presents itself.

Dark Knight: Was this before or after you killed Rebel?

Shadowstrike: Mmm… after.

Dark Knight: And I thought I was messed up.

Shadowstrike: Shut your face.

Dark Knight: ‘Kay. So what dream is this?

Shadowstrike: To become a bounty hunter.

Dark Knight: At Disney Land?

Shadowstrike: Are you still on about that?

Dark Knight: Listen Shadow, my inner demon beckons this… If you know what’s good for you, YOU WILL TAKE ME TO DISNEY WORLD!! *eyes glow red*

Shadowstrike: Dude, calm down. Here… you fly; keep going straight. I’m going to go make breakfast. *leaves room*

Dark Knight: But it’s 3 in the afternoon! Oh well. *grabs the pilot’s wheel*

*Suddenly, there is a flash of bright light appears before DK, momentarily blinding him.*

Dark Knight: Hey! What the Hell? I’m flying here! *is grabbed* What the Hell, man!?

???: EEK! EEK!

Dark Knight: Shadow! Help!!

Shadowstrike: *in the kitchen* Makin’ french toast! Busy!


Shadowstrike: Eatin’ french toast! Shut up!

*The chaos is quieted down as DK and his kidnappers disappear with another bright flash.*

Shadowstrike: …Good, he finally shut up. *walks back into the bridge * Aw God damn it, he wasn’t lying. And the ship is crashing. Well, it is Tuesday… *quickly grabs controls*

Man: *behind Shadow* This seems like a problem.

Shadowstrike: *turns around* Who in the Hell are you?

*The man did appear to be quite odd. Sporting mostly black and grey clothes, complete with shades that hide his eyes entirely from view, the only thing that noticeably stood out was his bright red hair, which half of which was shaved off, that jutted out to one side in a mess of spikes. The man himself, however, sported a great smile, trying to show he meant no harm.*

Man: They call me Cyphos, but please, no Mr. Cyphos! *hands him a card*

Shadowstrike: *looks at it* You work at a general store? How’d you get on this ship?

Cyphos: I have my ways of getting around, Mr. Shadowstrike!

Shadowstrike: How’d you know my name?

Cyphos: Oh, details, details… always with the details, Mr. Shadowstrike! *laughs* All you need to know is that I am here to help a good sir such as yourself out.

Shadowstrike: Really, like what?

Cyphos: Well, it seems your friend has been kidnapped.

Shadowstrike: Really? I thought he was just hiding.

Cyphos: Hahaha, that’s a good one, Mr. Shadowstrike! Now here’s another good one–it seems as though your friend was taken through time!

Shadowstrike: Why the Hell would they do that?

Cyphos: So he is even better hidden, of course!

Shadowstrike: Well then, nothing can be done. Let’s keep flying.

Cyphos: You don’t want to save him?

Shadowstrike: I have no way of time travel.

Cyphos: *laughs some more* Well, as I stated, I work for a general store… and we just so happen to carry some time machines!

Shadowstrike: …Wait, why have I never heard about this?

Cyphos: You’re obviously not with the times! *suddenly serious* Everyone has a time machine nowadays.

Shadowstrike: Ugh… so you’re going to con me into buying one, aren’t you?

Cyphos: How could you say that!? I am hurt, Mr. Shadowstrike. Look, I’ll do you a favor… and give you some coupons! *hands him a book*

Shadowstrike: *looks at it* This isn’t even for your store.

Cyphos: Whoops! My bad! *takes it back* We’ll just worry about the details later then, mm’kay?

Shadowstrike: Fine, whatever. But I still don’t trust you. What exactly are you doing here?

Cyphos: *raises hands up innocently* Oopsie-daisy! Well, allow me to explain then, good sir. The ones who kidnapped Mr. Dark Knight are monkeys.

Shadowstrike: Yep, and I’m a monkey’s uncle.

Cyphos: Well if you are, you could have fooled me! Regardless, those monkeys belonged to the store I work at.

Shadowstrike: And let me guess, you sell monkeys along with your time machine.

Cyphos: *serious* No, we just like monkeys.

Shadowstrike: …I see.

Cyphos: *smiling broadly* Anyway, the monkeys got loose, and stole some of the time machine equipment along with some other products for their own misuse. Using my monkey radar (which is also for sale at our store), I tracked them down to this location, and thus… here I am!

Shadowstrike: So let me get this straight… you work at a general store that sells time machines and monkey radars, and you keep a bunch of monkeys around because you like them, only for them to escape and get on board this ship somehow, which resulted in Dark Knight getting kidnapped and sent through time?

Cyphos: Hmm… that about sums it up, I’d say! *starts rubbing hands together* Now, will you please lend me your assistance?

Shadowstrike: I don’t know… I was busy eatin’ french toast…

Cyphos: Wellll… I heard that you were also interested in becoming a bounty hunter… Consider it training!

Shadowstrike: *exasperated* All right, fine. Just take me to one of your time machines.

Cyphos: Well, you are indeed in luck, Mr. Shadowstrike, for I came especially prepared and already set one up on the ship!

*Enthusiastically, Cyphos grabs Shadow and drags him to a lower level of the ship, into a room that was completely decked out with high tech equipment, and a strange pad in the middle.*

Shadowstrike: The Hell? I thought you said you just installed a time machine!

Cyphos: It’s not just a time machine… It’s a time STATION!! And all of this is yours for five easy payments of $39.99!

Shadowstrike: …Mr. Cyphos.

Cyphos: *serious* Oh, please, call me Cyphos, Mr. Shadowstrike. I hate formalities.

Shadowstrike: …Right. Well, I don’t remember ever agreeing to purchasing anything.

Cyphos: Then let’s just call this a free trial!

Shadowstrike: *facepalms*

Cyphos: Anyway, I will help monitor your progress from here while you go out there and catch some monkeys. I think this will make us quite the team!

Shadowstrike: What do I need to do now?

Cyphos: Let me see… first, you need to get some special weapons for this time travel!

Shadowstrike: Special weapons? Like what?

Cyphos: Well, here, have a look see! *weapons appear before Shadow *

Shadowstrike: Is this a butterfly net? Okay, I’ll use them somehow. Maybe I can be awesome with these. What do you want in return?

Cyphos: Don’t worry about that yet, Mr. Shadowstrike! *serious* We have more important things right now, do we not?

Shadowstrike: We do?

Cyphos: *smiling* Like saving your friend, Mr. Dark Knight?

Shadowstrike: We’re still doing that?

Cyphos: *laughs* You are!

Shadowstrike: I am?

Cyphos: Yes, yes you are!

Shadowstrike: Aw… okay. What do I do now?

Cyphos: Well, just stand on that platform in the middle and you will be teleported to the nearest time stream that Dark Knight is in.

Shadowstrike: I just step–*steps on the platform and disappears *

Cyphos: Thaaaaat’s right!

*In a prehistoric time, with dinosaurs and an active volcano…*

Shadowstrike: –here? Wait! What?! Where the hell am I?!

T-rex: *roars and charges *

Shadowstrike: Oh, god damn it! *runs off *

*A few hours later…*

Shadowstrike: Day 1, Time Stamp… unsure. Personal Log #1. I arrived here, crashed into the mud. I’m hiding in a tree and am unsure of my mission. Will look for Dark Knight in the morning. Will kick ass upon finding. End log.

*The next day…*

Shadowstrike: *yawns* All right, let’s go! *starts to run but trips on a wire* What the!?

???: EEK! EEK! *throws a net on Shadow*

Shadowstrike: Aw, god damn it! *cuts the net to pieces with a Sonic Slicer*

???: EEK! EEK! *knocks Shadow out with a boulder*


Shadowstrike: Ugh… this trip is fucking horrible.

Dark Knight: *in a cage* Told you we should have gone to Disney World!

Shadowstrike: YOU! I’ll KILL YOU! *tries to run but realizes he is chained*

???: Well, hello there, Ostrich Man.

Shadowstrike: The name is Shadowstrike, get it right.

???: I will call you Ostrich Man.

Shadowstrike: Call me that again and I will break your neck.

Dark Knight: I don’t know, Ostrich Man has a better ring to it.

Shadowstrike: *looks at Dark Knight* I’m not talking to you.

Dark Knight: But–

Shadowstrike: NOT.

Dark Knight: OSTRIC-

Shadowstrike: TALKING TO YOU!

???: Hello. I’m still here, can I finish my monologue?

Shadowstrike: Sure, go ahead.

???: Well, Ostrich Man, you are in the privilege of being in the presence of the new Supreme Being of the Universe!

Shadowstrike: Man, its Wednesday again, isn’t it?

???: Now, bow before your master… SPECTOR!

Shadowstrike: Nah, I’m gonna call you Monkey Man.

Dark Knight: Cos he’s the monkey, he’s the monkey man, really really really really monkey man!

Specter: Quiet, fool! *shocks DK*

Dark Knight: Ow! Since when do I get shocked!?

Shadowstrike: I like this guy.

Specter: Anyway, I know you were sent by that Cyphos fellow to capture me and my cohorts. But you will not succeed.

Shadowstrike: And what makes you say that?

Specter: One who knows nothing, understands nothing…

Dark Knight: Do tell. *shocked* Okay, going to shut up now…

Specter: Your simple presence here signifies that your fate, along with your crabby friend here, has been determined and sealed. Even if you somehow manage to stop me–

Shadowstrike: Yeah, yeah, I’m bored now. Can we just get this over with?

Specter: Tell you what: I’m feeling sporty, Ostrich Man. I’m going to release my minions into this jungle. If you manage to capture them all, I’ll release your friend. Now go, and make my day! Bwahahaha! *Shadow’s lock release*

Shadowstrike: Grr… I’ll get you for this Monkey Man! *runs off *

Dark Knight: So… um…

Specter: *shocks DK again*

Dark Knight: *knocked out*

*Out in the jungle…*

Shadowstrike: Got myself into a zany adventure here. Now how am I gonna capture some monkeys?

Cyphos: *voice* Why Mr. Shadowstrike, just use some of those time weapons I gave you!

Shadowstrike: Oh, hey there, Cyphos. What do you mean?

Cyphos: Well, I gave you a stun baton.

Shadowstrike: Aw, I thought this was a lightsabre.

Cyphos: And you also have a time net! Capture anything in that, and they will be transported here to the time station, where I will make short work of them!

Shadowstrike: Anything else?

Cyphos: *serious* I’m sure Mr. Shadowstrike doesn’t need anything else.

Shadowstrike: You’re right! These monkeys are done!

Cyphos: *laughs* That they are! Now get to it!

Shadowstrike: I’m so on this! *runs and trips on a banana peel* OW!

Monkey: EEK! EEEK! EEK!

Shadowstrike: OH, GET BACK HERE! *runs towards the monkey*

Monkey: EEEK! *helmet turns red and climbs a tree*

Shadowstrike: OH, NO YOU DON’T *is hit by a coconut* GRR! *another coconut* GRR!! *another coconut* …I’ll be back for you! *runs off*

Monkey: EEK! *Dances and falls off the tree*

*In another part of the jungle…*

Monkey: Eek, eek EEK! *sees a banana* EEEK!! *goes barreling towards the banana and gets caught in a leg rope trap* EEK!* reaches valiantly for the banana*

Shadowstrike: Haha! Got ya! *bashes him with the stun club* This is sooo therapeutic. Okay, sorry little buddy. *catches him in the time net, and he disappears *

Cyphos: Good job, Mr. Shadowstrike! You caught your first monkey!

Shadowstrike: And I ain’t done yet!

*In some ruined temples…*

Shadowstrike: Where the Hell did ruined temples come from? There’s a T-rex stomping around here for crying out loud.

Monkey: *wearing shades* EEK! *starts firing an uzi at Shadowstrike*

Shadowstrike: Aw, come on! An uzi? Damn, that means he can’t die. *dodges effortlessly* Still this is gonna suck–*gets shot in the foot*–OW! GOD DAMNIT! *throws a Sonic Slicer, slicing the uzi in half*

Monkey: EEK! EEEK! *runs towards Shadow, now wearing boxing gloves* EEK!

Shadowstrike: Oh, bring it on! *swings the stun club*

Monkey: EEK!

*The monkey catches stun club, and punches Shadowstrike in the face. He goes flying out of the ruins.*

Shadowstrike: God… damn it! *races in only to go flying out again* GOD DAMN IT! *does it again* GOD DAMN IT!! *one more time* Okay… okay. Calm it down. Calm it down. Let’s use my brain. *calmly walks into the ruins*

Monkey: EEEK! *charges and swings at Shadowstrike*

Shadowstrike: *parries with the stun club* Not this time.

Monkey: *punches and punches to no avail, each one being parried by the Stun Club* EEK! *steps back and does a charge swing *

Shadowstrike: *dodges and trips the monkey with the stun club*

Monkey: *falls and is stunned*

Shadowstrike: Nice try, primate! *catches the monkey in the time net*

Cyphos: Monkey get! Move on to the next one, Mr. Shadowstrike.

Shadowstrike: Heh. I plan on it!


Monkey: *wearing blue pants* EEK! *hops on a Triceratops*

Shadowstrike: How… how the Hell am I gonna…

Monkey: EEK! *points at Shadow and the triceratops starts to charge towards him*

Shadowstrike: God damn it! *runs*

Monkey: EEK EEK EEK!

Shadowstrike: Gotta time this right… *jumps and throws the monkey net backwards*

Monkey: EEEK!! *is captured*

*Upon capturing the monkey, the triceratops suddenly calms down and begins eating some grass.*

Shadowstrike: Phew. That could have gone worse. *just then another monkey appears* You again! *runs*

Monkey: EEK! EEK! *grabs time net and runs up his tree*

Shadowstrike: GOD DAMNIT! YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! OH, YOU ARE SO DONE! *tries to jump up the three but is bashed on the head by a coconut* Okay, time for the smart idea. *throws a Sonic Slicer and chops down the tree*

Monkey: EEK!! *is knocked out by the tree falling down*

Shadowstrike: I’ll take that back. *grabs the time net and catches the monkey*

Cyphos: Great job, Mr. Shadowstrike! There is only one monkey left to catch!

Shadowstrike: Heh, not for much longer! *runs off*

*In a deep valley…*

Shadowstrike: All right, there’s the last monkey… and he’s riding a T-rex… grrreeeeaaaat…

Monkey: EEK! *the monkey makes the T-rex charge towards Shadow*

Shadowstrike: Shit! *runs, but trips and gets cornered* Oh, I would trip now! Damn it!

T-rex: GRWARRRR!! *charges towards the downed Shadowstrike*

Shadowstrike: Well, this has been fun. *readys a Sonic Slicer* I’ll make sure he chokes.

*Right as the T-rex is about to slam into Shadow another T-rex stops him, pushing him aside!*

Shadowstrike: What?! Oh, it’s that one from before…

T-rex #2: ROARRR!! *slams his tail into the other T-rex and the monkey goes flying into the cliff wall and is embedded*

Shadowstrike: Now’s my chance! *dashes off towards the monkey and catches it* Hell yeah! *strikes a pose* Mission Complete! *power slides and hears a large crash* Oh man! What happened with those T-rexes?

T-rex #2: *stands over the other fallen T-rex and looks at Shadow* ROARRR!!

Shadowstrike: Aw… come on…

*Back at Spector’s Lair…*

Dark Knight: I’m warnin’ ya! You better let me out now or you’ll have to suffer the wrath of THE DEMON WITHIN ME!! OOOooooOOOooooOOOHHH!!

Specter: … *shocks DK*

Dark Knight: Ow…

Specter: Hmm… It would seem that all of my minions have been removed from the area. Your companion did a fine job.

Dark Knight: Yeah, but I probably could have done it better. Then I could have kicked your ass back to Kentucky!

Specter: Ugh… you are too loud. *shocks DK again*

Dark Knight: STOP THAT!!

Specter: Honestly, at this point I am hoping your friend will show up so I can do away with you. I have many plans and it doesn’t involve playing games with a crab and ostrich.

Dark Knight: What kind of plans?


Bison: OF COURSE!!

Specter: How did you get here? I don’t remember letting you in! Get out of my sight!

Bison: Fine, whatever. *cough* Asshole. *cough*

Specter: *watching him leave* Now, let’s try that again…

Dark Knight: OF CO–*shocked yet again*–IT WAS A JOKE, SHEESH!!

Specter: Once more, I–*the ground starts shaking* What is that noise?

Dark Knight: Iunno.

*The shaking increases, as the walls starts to rattle, threatening to crumble apart! Then finally, at the last minute, the door breaks wide open, revealing…*

Shadowstrike: *riding the T-rex* MONKEY MAAAAAN!!

Dark Knight: *cowering* We’re all going to die!

Specter: *unphased* Oh good, it’s you. You couldn’t have arrived a moment sooner. *frees Dark Knight* Take your friend and go… or better yet, I’ll do it myself. Universe to conquer and all that. *begins to leave*

Shadowstrike: OH NO YOU WON’T!

*The T-rex swings his tail at Spector, knocking him into the air.*

Specter: This is QUITE a BOTHER! *lands back on his feet and raises his hand*

Shadowstrike and T-rex: *hit by an unseen force* Ugh!

Specter: Now I will TAKE my leave and you will WATCH as your UNIVERSE is torn ASUNDER!

Dark Knight: Not so fast! *hits Spector with a volley of bubbles*

Specter: Grah! Cheeky crab! Perhaps it was a mistake letting you out of your cage so soon. No matter. *blasts DK back with his powers*

Dark Knight: Whoa! *hits the wall* Urgh…

Specter: I have no time for this monkey business. I have many things to do! Busy, busy, busy! *turns to leave*

Shadowstrike: *slowly getting back up* I… don’t… think so…! *throws the stun club*

Specter: *turns around and knocks it out of the way*

Dark Knight: *gets hit with it* Owch!

Specter: Fool. You should have learned by now that there is no hope for you to win! *hits Shadow with more force*

Shadowstrike: Oogh! *gets pressed back*

Specter: *walking toward Shadow* I will gladly crush every bone in your body, Ostrich Man!

Shadowstrike: For the last time… it’s… Shadowstrike!

Specter: OSTRICH MAN!!

*The scene continues as Shadow screams in pain, as Spector applies more force, with the intent on crushing him.*

Specter: And now, with this, I will prove to you why I am the dominant force in the universe–*gets clobbered upside the head*

Dark Knight: *holding the stun club* …

Shadowstrike: *gasping for breath* …

Dark Knight: …So…

Shadowstrike: GIVE ME THAT!! *takes the club and bashes DK over the head with it*

Dark Knight: Ow! What was that for?

Shadowstrike: I was supposed to be the hero of this story!

Dark Knight: Oh… well, you can still capture him.

Shadowstrike: Meh, I guess. *captures Spector with the time net*

Cyphos: Good work, Mr. Shadowstrike! And I see Mr. Dark Knight is safe, too!

Dark Knight: Who is that?

Shadowstrike: Cyphos. He’s a cool dude.

Cyphos: Please, I am not worthy of such words! Now, should I teleport you all back to the time station?

Shadowstrike: As long as we bring my bud! *points at the T-rex*

T-rex: *slowly gets back up and roars*

Dark Knight: …A T-rex? Really?

Shadowstrike: His name is Shepard. Isn’t it Shepard? *pats Shepard on the head*

Shepard: *roars happily*

Cyphos: All righty, then. Teleporting you all back!

Shadowstrike: Go for it!

Cyphos: Right away, Mr. Shadowstrike! *a bright flash and the three are back in the time station*

Shadowstrike: Thanks Cyphos. We really appreciate your help.

Cyphos: Oh, not a problem at all! I do love to lend a helping hand! Plus we captured Spector and the rest of those no-good monkeys. I’m certain that peace will soon be restored to the world!

Dark Knight: If you say so.

Cyphos: But I do! But please… *gets serious* I hope you will consider purchasing a time machine.

Shadowstrike: After all of this you still want to sell one!?

Cyphos: But of course I do! What kind of salesman would I be to let a little old thing like the fate of the entire universe prevent me from selling products! Hahaha!

Dark Knight: He’s got a point.

Shadowstrike: Quiet, you.

Cyphos: Anyway, with this I believe I shall bid you gentlemen farewell. *nods* Mr. Shadowstrike; Mr. Dark Knight.

*With that Cyphos begins to walk away, leaving the two adventurers alone.*

Shadowstrike: …You know, he left all of that time equipment here.

Dark Knight: Eh, could be worse. *pauses* It just isn’t the same…

Shadowstrike: Go cry more.

Dark Knight: I won’t if we go to Tokyo DisneySea.

Shadowstrike: Enough with the Disney already!

Dark Knight: INNER DEMON!!

Shadowstrike: I DON’T CARE.

Dark Knight: Hmph. Fine. At least I can go play with the dino. *goes to pet Shepard but he chases him around the station* AAAAAAAAAAH! WHAT THE HELL!?

Shadowstrike: Oh yeah, I trained him to do that. Isn’t he just the best dinosaur?

Shepard: ROAAAR!!

The End


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