Insightful Thought #2
Narrator: And now, an insightful thought.
Narrator: This week’s guest: Metabad.
Narrator: This is where you tell us what’s on your mind.
Metabad: Orite. Here goes:
Ok see this one time I was all like WHOA cuz we did some stuff and RAWKED at it. We fought stuff destroyed stuff and yeah we good.
Metabad: It’s true!!! I told em I was like this awesome guy then me and Rebel did a high five and kicked evil right square in the circle! Also triangle and octogon!
Narrator: This has been an Insightful Thought.
Metabad: Did I tell you about the time I got a chicken tender stuck up my nose?
* * *
That Old Class Project
Avi: Okie-dokie, kids, today we are going to be starting an experiment!
Rebel: WHO GAVE YOU PERMISSION TO SPEAK!?
Sean: What kind of experiment is it?
Avi: We’re going to raise butterflies!
Dark Knight: …You mean, what we did as little kids back in elementary school?
Metabad: DO WANT.
Outlaw: Aww, little butterflies can be so cu…rly. Yeah. Wasn’t gonna say cute. Nope.
Majin: wanta fanta?
Shadowstrike: *imagines being surrounded by Fanta girls* Mm-hmm.
Avi: So it’s decided! Let’s get staaaaaarteeeeeeeeed!
Avi: First, we must give our caterpillars lots and lots of water!
Sean: …Huh? Wouldn’t that be kinda unnecessary?
Avi: Nonsense! We need lots of water for them, son! Or else they will shrivel up and die! *to Rebel, Shadowstrike, and Dark Knight* You three! Get water, now!
Rebel, Shadowstrike, Dark Knight: Yes, ma’am…
Shadowstrike: Avi! Rebel knocked over my caterpillar container!
Avi: Now, now, boys! Settle down! Shadow, I’m certain your little caterry-pillarly-poo will be all right.
Dark Knight: It looks like it’s having a seizure.
Avi: That’s just your imagination, silly boy! Now get more water, posthaste!
Rebel, Shadowstrike, Dark Knight: Yes, ma’am…
Outlaw: Oh boy, I wonder how my caterpillar is doing? *looks* OH NO IT’S GONE!!
Metabad: WHAT!? MINE TOO!! ALL THAT’S LEFT IS SOME ROCK ATTACHED TO THE ROOF OF THE CONTAINER!!
Outlaw: SAME HERE!!
Metabad: THIS AIN’T RAWKIN’, MAN!! NOT. RAWKIN’.
Sean: … *facepalms*
Avi: Well, children! Our caterpillars have become beautiful butterflies! Take a look-see!
Everyone else: Cool!
Avi: Some of the results have proven to be quite… interesting! Look, Rebel’s caterpillar turned into a Butterfree!
Rebel: First Digimon and now Pokemon!?
Avi: And Dark Knight’s became the legendary Mothra!
Mothra: *unleashes a blast of energy*
Dark Knight: HOLY SHIT!!
Avi: Shadow, your butterfly is in actuality a butterfly tattoo! And, um… it’s on a bucket! *lifts a bucket up*
Shadowstrike: … *grabs the bucket and puts it on* …Yay.
Sean: What’s mine?
Avi: Yours is the unlucky butterfly! It’s filled with all sorts of bad luck-goodness.
Sean: Wow, that’s uh… great? I think… *gets shocked for no reason* AHHHH!!
Avi: And Metabad, your butterfly is the “magic butterfly”. Whenever you touch it, it will make you feel good.
Metabad: Like this? *touches it and starts having an acid trip* Whoa… this rawks…
Majin: wat bout me?
Avi: Uh… Yeah… Your butterfly is… some sort of abomination not known to mankind. It’s kinda creepy, actually.
Monster Butterfly: RAAAAAAAGH!! *acid dribbles out of its mouth*
Outlaw: Oh man! I can’t wait to see my awesome butterfly! What is it!? What did it become!?
Avi: Yours? Lessee here… yours is that normal one in the corner.
Outlaw: A normal one? Mine is… normal?
Outlaw: *stares at it with loving eyes*
Monster Butterfly: *smashes it* RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!
Sean: So what about yours, Avi?
Rebel: Her’s is the biggest freak of them all.
Avi: *hits Rebel with a rolled-up newspaper* Bad boy! Don’t talk bad about my butterfly!
Mini-Avi: Feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
Avi: Now, now, it’s okay. Avi will take good care of you!
Mini-Avi: Feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
Dark Knight: Don’t we have to release them now?
Shadowstrike: I think at the end of the experiment we set them off into the wild.
Avi: NO!! I mean… we can’t! We worked so hard to make them what they are!
Outlaw: (I think Majin’s stuck again, guys.)
Metabad: (Bet he was traumatized by his unrawkin’ butterfly.)
Rebel: Well, if you aren’t gonna release them, Avi, then I will! *opens the box they are contained in*
Butterflies: *flies away*
Avi: AHH!! HOW COULD YOU!? COME BAAAAACK!! *flies after them*
Everyone else: …
*Later, on the news…*
Anchorman: Earlier today, a bunch of butterflies attacked Megalopolis. Currently the damage is a record-breaker, higher than any other disaster that has hit the city before. Possibly the most dangerous of the butterflies, however, is a Reploid-ish one that is chasing the rest. We will now show you live footage.
Avi: DON’T RUN AWAY LITTLE BUTTERFLIES!! I PROMISE I WON’T HURT YOOOOUUU!!
* * *
*One fine day Sean and Shadow decided to get some practice piloting the Dragonzord. They both agreed that it would be a good idea to learn as much as they could about the amazing abilities of the Zord, in case they ever needed it. Unfortunatly they were forced to bring along somebody else.*
Outlaw: Can I drive?
Shadowstrike: Why did we bring him along again? He’s making it stink in here.
Sean: We had to bring him to make sure he’d keep quite.
Outlaw: Yup! Blackmail can be fun!
Shadowstrike: How did you find this anyway?
Outlaw: You hid it in a giant box marked brussle sprouts. If it’s food I’m going to look.
Sean: Whatever. Just as long as you keep it from everybody else. ESPECIALLY Rebel.
Outlaw: Sure, sure. Can I drive now?
Sean: Shut up man. Ok Shadow, make this thing do some slick combat moves.
*Shadow makes the Dragonzord increase its speed and proceeds to do some kickass stuff!*
Sean, Shadowstrike, Outlaw: WOOOOOO!!!!
Shadowstrike: DO A BARREL ROLL!
*Amazingly the Dragonzord does.*
Sean: Holy crap!
Outlaw: That was fun!
Shadowstrike: Guess I got a little carried away there.
Sean: Ya think!?
*Sean smacks Shadow*
Sean: You call yourself a pilot…
Outlaw: Can I drive now?
Sean and Shadowstrike: NO!
Outlaw: Why not? I used to drive a tank, so whats the problem?
Sean: Well for starters you crashed that tank and its broken forever. You also filled the tank’s control room with mud!
Outlaw: It was comfortable!
Shadowstrike: Plus when it was working, you ran into everything.
Outlaw: Aw come on guys! I swear I’ll be careful with this thing.
Shadowstrike: It might be useful to have a backup pilot.
*They switch positons. After a brief explanation of how the steering worked they let Outlaw have a try.*
Sean: Not bad for a beginner.
Outlaw: Check this out!
*The Dragonzord Moonwalks*
Shadowstrike: Dude! That was badass!
Sean: Oh hell no!
Outlaw: Huh? I thought I was doing good.
Sean: This isn’t a toy! If you can’t be serious then I can’t let you drive.
*Sean shoves Outlaw out of the way and tries to rush at the controls but trips over Shadow who had to react to avoid getting hit. Sean lands face first onto the panel.*
*The Dragonzord is upsidedown and somehow doing a jig.*
Sean: You guy will never let me live this down huh?
Shadow and Outlaw: Nope.
* * *
*On the Whale King. Kitchen. Rebel is holding a large pumpkin*
Rebel: This thing will make the best jack-o-lantern ever! The ancient Halloween Spirits are sure to give me tons of candy this year. Name brand too! Not that generic crap candy that they give you in little paper bags…
*Suddenly Metabad bursts through the room being chased by Shadow*
Shadowstrike: I WILL KILL YOU!
Metabad: Chill man! Chill!
*They bump into Rebel, making him toss the pumpkin high in the air.*
Rebel: WHAT THE HELL?!
Shadow and Metabad: He started it!
Shadowstrike: You drank all the chocolate milk!
Metabad: You ate all the cookies!
Rebel: I don’t care who did what just get out of the–*SPLAT*
*The pumpkin lands on Rebel’s head. He tries to take it off but can’t! His head is really stuck!*
Shadowstrike: Think we should help?
Metabad: Maybe if we do he’ll make that into a pie! Pie RAWKS!
*They try to yank the pumpkin off but fail.*
Metabad: That’s really on there…
Rebel: MMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!! …
*Rebel takes a swing at Shadow but misses.*
Shadowstrike: Ok, ok I got an idea.
*Shadow carves a face into the pumpkin*
Rebel: *GASP* GET THIS THING OFFA ME!!!!!
Metabad: We tried! It’s too stuck. Maybe you have a fat head?
Rebel: WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?!
Shadowstrike: Calm down dude. We’ll think of something.
Pumpkin: Ah, my face has returned.
Rebel: Did this thing just talk?!
Metabad: I think I’m about to do something involuntarily…
Pumpkin: Yes, it is good to see and talk again. Now to summon my body.
*A tall figure made of tree branches walks up, easily removes the pumpkin and places it in the proper spot.*
Shadowstrike: So… scared… right… now…
Rebel: Um… Thanks?
Jack: No, thank you. My name is Jack. Jack Pumpkinhead. Well, it’s time to Return to Oz.
Rebel: That was… strange.
Shadowstrike: Still… scared…
*A short, stout robot marches in*
Tik-Tok: Hello, I’m Tik-Tok. Have you seen my friend Jack?
Metabad: Do you think the universe hates us?
* * *
Majin: *with a controller* whooo I’mma playin Megermanz 9 *hic* eat dis, Jool Man!
Mega Man: *fires a black hole bomb*
Jewel Man: *explodes, dropping a mysterious piece of hardware*
Majin: Oooooooo I 1der wut dis doohickey duz??? Letz ass Dokter Light
Dr. Light: …Oh my. According to the analysis, the robot you just defeated has passed its expiration date… in fact; it was scheduled to have been scrapped years ago!
Roll: It’s sad, but unfortunately, it’s the law. When a robot can no longer perform its sole assigned task at peak efficiency…
Majin: hey that’s not cool yo
Dr. Light: Which reminds me, Roll. Happy birthday! *hands her a box*
Roll: *squeals, bearing a big, stupid smile* For me? *tears it open* My, what a beautiful hatchet! Thank you, daddy. THANK YOU! Except… what would I use it for? I mean, I’m a housekeeping robot.
Dr. Light: NOT ANYMORE YOU’RE NOT! *tears the hatchet out of Roll’s hands* HAPPY EXPIRATION DAY, DAUGHTER DEAREST! *uses the axe to “shut down” Roll*
Majin: … *drops his controller*
Mega Man: …W…why? *aims his buster at Light* Why, Dr. Light?
Dr. Light: Heh heh heh… go on, shoot. But good luck breaking Asimov’s Laws! The very mindset I programmed into you… you are, after all, a robot–nothing more than a mere tool to be used by us humans.
Mega Man: I… *sniff*
Dr. Light: Yes, cry. Cry those artificial tears! They are like nectar to me. Your sorrow is my sustenance! My power! CRY, MY PUPPET! THERE IS NO HEAVEN OR HELL FOR SOULLESS MACHINES LIKE YOU, ONLY DREARY NONEXISTENCE!
Majin: …I… no wants ta play tis game n e moore… *goes to pull the plug*
Dr. Light: … *turns to the screen* You can’t run from your fate, Wire Sponge. Wouldn’t you know, tomorrow is YOUR expiration date?
Dr. Light: You will be shut down. There is no escape. NO ESCAPE! MWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA…
*And then Majin woke up on the floor in a hangover, with nine empty beer bottles at his side. Yet, he could still hear the deranged laughter of his nightmarish incarnation of Dr. Light echoing in the back of his mind…*
Majin: Ugh… *goes to reach for another bottle*
Avi: *entering the room* Oh my… Majin, I could hear you groaning in your sleep. Was it another bad dream?
Majin: Well, yes… Dr. Light was there, and… and… I can’t say it! I can’t say it! I can’t… say it…
Avi: Awww… *comforts Majin and gently helps him up off the floor, to the bed* I’m so sorry, dear… *tucks him in under a large sheet of paper with a sketch of a blanket on it* Don’t worry, it was aaaaall in your mind. Not. Real. Take it from the moth who talks to her furniture!
Majin: But… robot expiration dates… what if you, and I…
Avi: …Robot expiration dates? HAH! I passed mine decades ago, sonny. Yet here I am! My body may be old, but my mind… um… well… is at the pinnacle of its artistic ingenuity! …Yeah. Totally.
Majin: So robot expiration dates are nothing to worry about, then… ugh, I still need a beer.
Avi: No you don’t, kiddo! We all keep saying–lay off the liquor before bed. It doesn’t help with the nightmares, you know. So for now, rest easy, and know that everything is going to be alright. And soon enough, the Sandman will come to whisk you away to the land of sweet dreams…
Majin: *sleeping comfortably and peacefully*
Flannery: SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND!! *sprinkles some in Majin’s eyes*
Majin: OH GOD SLDKFJSKLDFJSDLKFJSLKDFjslkdfjsldfj
Tags: Avi, Bermuda, Butterfly, Butterfree, C:IA, Code: Island Attackers, epilogue, episode, funny, Majin, metabad, Narrator, Outlaw88, Rebel4000, Script, short stories, Shorts, Story, weird, Wheel Gator