Posts Tagged ‘Bermuda’

Bermuda Shorts # 5

February 21, 2015

Before we get to the last bit of short stories I need to let you in on a little secret. I actually thought the last post was all that was left of the Code: Island Attacker archive. But with a bit of digging I was able to find two things that have never been shared with the public.

The way we wrote the Bermuda Shorts was usually done just on the forum. When we reached a certain number of entry’s they were then posted on the main site. These shorts that you are about to read were all written by myself.

The next post will feature the last epilogue that was written which was done by Rebel4000. The site closed down before he was able to post it.

*All written by Outlaw88*

Insightful Thought # 5

Narrator: And now, an Insightful Thought.

Dramatic music

Narrator: This week’s guest: R.O.B.

R.O.B.: Beep.

Narrator: And to help us out, please welcome special guest C-3PO. Are you sure you can understand him?

C-3PO: Sir, I am fluent in over 6 million forms of communication. I can understand and translate just fine.

Narrator: Ok then.

R.O.B.: Beep.

C-3PO: He says “Hello. I’m R.O.B. and I work with The Rat by being his assistant.”

R.O.B.: Beep.

C-3PO: “It’s not as bad as you might think. It’s really mutually benificial. I fix him if he gets hurt and I get information for him, and in return he protects me.”

R.O.B.: Beep.

C-3PO: “Dragging Dead Man along can be a chore but overall I can’t complain.”

R.O.B.: Beep.

Narrator: Interesting. So what did he say that time?

C-3PO: That one was just a beep.

Narrator: Anything else?

R.O.B.: Beep.

C-3PO: He says “For fun I like to access the internet and look at funny cat pictures. Sometimes I like to go on forums and make others look like complete idiots. But my favorite thing is to watch videos of people getting hurt.”

Narrator: So you’re an internet troll.

*Before R.O.B. can answer an angry mob shows up. They chase R.O.B.*

C-3PO: Oh my.

Narrator: This has been an Insightful Thought.
The Eating Contest

It’s the Megalopolis annual “Eat till you’re sick!” contest. Rebel and Outlaw are backstage.

Rebel: What are you worried about man? You’ve got this!

Outlaw: I don’t know… The competition looks intense.

Rebel: Just go out there and do what you do best, other than stink, and we can snag the grand prize.

Announcer: Let’s get the show going! Here are the contestants: The four eyed freak Belome!

Belome: Oh the hunger…

Announcer: That little pink guy Kirby!

Kirby: HIIIIII!

Announcer: And Mr. Sewer Breath, Outlaw!

Outlaw: “Mr. Sewer Breath?”

Rebel: Well you are.

The three take the stage. Before anything can happen though…”

???: Wait!

*Takeru Kobayashi rushes the stage*

Takeru: I should be part of this! I’m a world record holder!

Announcer: We’ve been over this already. They wanted new people.

Takeru: I can out eat anyone! Just watch!

Announcer: Can someone get rid of this guy or something?

Belome: Stick for a body, head full of straw, give me a Scarecrow,
Rah, Rah RAH!

*Takeru Kobayashi is now a scarecrow*

Takeru: …

Announcer: That’s better. Now onto the event!

Kirby: Hi!

Outlaw: Hi to you too.

Kirby: HiIIIII!

Outlaw: Um… Hi.

Kirby: HIIIIII!

Belome: Oh the Hunger.

Outlaw: Suddenly I miss Takeru.

The massive piles of food are brought out. They place giant amonts in front of each of them. A bell sounds and they go at it.

Outlaw: *Nom nom nom!*

Belome: *Lick*

Kirby: HIIIII!!!

*Kirby inhales. His plate of food, Outlaw’s plate of food and Belome’s plate of food alll get eaten in one big gulp.*

Outlaw: Holy crap!

Belome: My food! You took my food! Gimme it back!

Kirby: Hi!

Belome: HUNGER!

*Belome rushes Kirby*

Outlaw: This can’t end well.

Kirby inhales Belome. A monsterous six eyed, pink beast with a huge mouth and extra long tongue is formed. It rushes the backstage area and escapes the building, eating anything in it’s path.

Outlaw: What has been seen cannot be unseen.

The End
Bakery of Doom

Rebel: It’s just around this corner.

Shadow: Where are we going again?

Rebel: I’ve heard that this is the best bakery ever and I’m in the mood for some comfort food.

Shadow: Considering Avi decided to paint the Whale King today I can see why you’d need comforting.

Rebel: Here it is! Aperture Science Bakery!

Shadow: Odd name for a bakery.

*When they go inside they notice that there isn’t anyone there.*

Shadow: Hello?

*A computerized voice responds*

GLaDOS: Welcome to the Aperture Science Bakery. I am called GLaDOS. How may I help you?

Rebel: Awesome.

Shadow: Where is everybody?

GLaDOS: This bakery is fully automated. The staff has been eliminated.

Shadow: What?!

GLaDOS: I apologize. What I meant to say was the need for staff has been eliminated.

Rebel: Good. I hate dealing with idiots.

Shadow: Rebel, something’s wrong here.

Rebel: Yeah. Too much talk, not enough buying me a cookie.

GLaDOS: Here is the menu. Please make your selection. May I recommend the Mrs. Lovett brand meat pie?

Rebel: Well with a name like Lovett it has to be good! I’ll take…

Shadow: NONE!

GLaDOS: Pity.

Rebel: What the hell man? You complain to me that we don’t hang out like we used to so I take you with me to get some eats. The moment I try to get said eats you prevent me from doing so?

Shadow: Trust me on this one. You wouldn’t like those pies.

Rebel: Whatever. *Looks at menu* How good are the sprinkle cookies?

GLaDOS: They are one of our killer sale items. Please note that the green particles are sprinkles. Clearly not rat poison.

Shadow: I don’t like this.

Rabel: Yeah, I’m not feeling sprinkles. Maybe they have some cake.

GLaDOS: We stay open until we run out of cake.

*There is a faint scream from deep within the building.*

Shadow: What was that?

GLaDOS: That was one of our test subjects. I mean Taste Testers. Those are screams of delight. Everything is normal.

Shadow: Rebel, we should get out of here. I think GLaDOS is up to something.

Rebel: Don’t be stupid. She’s being so nice and helpful. The word “Glad” is in her name so there’s no way she can be bad.

Shadow: Hurry up and pick something then.

Rebel: I’m still looking. Everything sounds so good.

*While Rebel looks at the menus, Shadow notices a strange blue glowing doorway. He walks over to it.*

Shadow: It’s like a swirly round thing.

Rebel: Round thing.

Shadow: I can see the top of my head.

*Glances up and see’s a similar doorway glowing orange.*

GLaDOS: The Aperture Science Bakery is not responsible for any harm done to and by stupid people.

Shadow: Huh?

*Shadow slips and tumbles into the Portal. He slams into the ground.*

Shadow: D’oh!

Rebel: I got it! Three donuts please.

GLaDOS: Excellent. Whice types would you like?

Shadow: I’m going to go wait outside.

Rebel: Fine. Be that way.

*Shadow exits the building. A few moments later Rebel joins him. They start walking for home.*

Shadow: Well?

Rebel: I got a soylent glazed one and a one that has creme filling. She said it was so good that my guts don’t know what’s coming.

Shadow: Sounds… Great….

Rebel: Yeah. I can’t wait. Oh and I got you a bear claw.

Shadow *Gulp*

THE END

Beyond Classification

*In the Whale King*

Rebel: Meeting Time!

Metabad: Meeting Time?!

Dark Knight: Meeting Time!

*DK and Metabad do a little jig*

Rebel: Sit down and shut up!

Shadow: So what’s up Rebel?

Avi: This isn’t about the rug is it? It looks so much better now.

Sean: What happened to the rug?

Avi: I don’t know Sean, what?

Rebel: Today we’re going to talk about Majin.

Majin: I like ponies.

Outlaw: Me too. They taste good with a little soy sause and steamed rice.

Sean: You didn’t…..

Outlaw: Isn’t that what was in food we ordered last night?

Sean: Let’s never go there again.

Rebel: AHEM! Back to the subject at hand.

Shadow: Are we going to finally talk about his out of control drinking problem?

DK: Or the fact that he keeps throwing up on everything electronic?

Majin: Or if lice really do see the rainbow of my tuna salad pants?

Rebel: No.

Avi: Then what?

Rebel: That’s the real question. What. As in what the hell is he anyway?

Outlaw: You mean the fact that he’s from Majin World?

Rebel: No, no I get that. I’m talking about what he looks like right now. What the hell is he? He’s also called Wire Sponge but…

Shadow: Now that you mention it.. Yeah he doesn’t really look like a sponge to me.

Avi: I thought he was a plant.

Metabad: Are sponges plants?

Outlaw: I thought they were some kind of sea life.

DK: Majin kinda looks like a really messed up cucumber to me.

Majin: How many licks does it take to get to the moon?

Sean: The leaves on his head, the green color, and vines make me think he is a plant too. But he does seem to be able to absorb liquids like a sponge.

Shadow: I’m confused.

Outlaw: Maybe he’s some kind of hybrid?

Avi: Those get good gas mileage.

Rebel: Forget it. This is getting us nowhere fast. I guess we’ll never know what he is.

Majin: Luffa.
*Based on real life confusion and….discovery!* http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Luffa

Bermuda Shorts # 4

February 17, 2015

Insightful Thought #4
By Outlaw88

Narrator: And now, an Insightful Thought.

*Dramatic music*

Narrator: This week’s guest: Oreo Oreo.

Oreo: Life is a funny thing ya know? I mean why did Trump pick Oreo’s to make us out of? Sure we can easily be remade after we get beat up or something but still. Why not rock? Or steel? I like being alive, don’t get me wrong but… My boss is weird.

Narrator: This has been an…

Oreo: I’M NOT DONE!

Narrator: Oh… Continue then.

Oreo: Being made of cookies is tough. I could go stale or parts of me could fall off or melt. But the worst thing is the ants. THE ANTS! They never leave us alone! Always trying to eat us or drag us to their mound. I HATE ANTS! I hate that I’m edible! I hate the C:IA for always beating us! WHY IS MY LIFE SO BAD?! AHHHHHH!!!

*Oreo starts crying, causing some of his face to melt.*

Narrator: This has been an Insightful Thought.

The End

* * *

Book Report
By Outlaw88

*Shadow is in the living room area, quietly reading a book.*

Shadowstrike: Very interesting.

*Majin staggers in*

Majin: What yoooou do?

Shadowstrike: I’m reading. Go away.

Majin: Reading what?

Shadowstrike: A book.

Majin: Book?

Shadowstrike: Yes, Majin. Book. Thing with words.

Majin: Reading… Rainbow.

Shadowstrike: Sure. Whatever. Just leave me alone ok?

Majin: Ya.

*There is a brief moment of silence.*

Majin: *in Shadow’s ear* I CAN DO ANYTHING! TAKE A LOOK! IT’S IN A BOOK!!!!!!!

*This sudden outburst made Shadow jump.*

Shadowstrike: Forget this.

*He goes to a different part of the ship. He looks around and all is quiet. He is in a hallway where a few of the rooms are located.*

Shadowstrike: Ahhhh…

*Suddenly the whole hall shakes as insanely loud music is being played. He goes to Outlaw’s room and as soon as he opens the door the music gets even louder! Outlaw and Metabad are moshing to the music.*

Shadowstrike: TURN IT OFF!

*They don’t notice him. Shadow goes over to the stereo and turns it off.*

Metabad: Hey!

Shadowstrike: You guys are going to go deaf if you keep playing it that loud! Don’t you have any consideration for people who want quiet?!

Outlaw: What?

Metabad: Huh?

Shadowstrike: Nevermind.

*He storms out.*

Metabad: What did he say?

Outlaw: I dunno. Something about hamsters, hoola hoops and precipitation.

*Back in the hall, Shadow tries to find his place in the book, but the music gets turned back on. He lets out a frustrated groan and moves on.*

Shadowstrike: I’ll try the next hall over.

*He enters the next section of the ship. There is a lot of smoke in the air. Sean is sitting by the door.*

Shadowstrike: Sean?

Sean: Yeah?

Shadowstrike: What did you do?

Sean: You don’t want to know. I’d try not to breath too much if I were you.

Shadowstrike: Moving on.

*He goes to yet another section of the ship. He doesn’t see anyone around. He breathes a sign of relief and sits down on the couch. Avi rushes into the room.*

Avi: Noooo!

Shadowstrike: What?!

Avi: Can’t you read the sign?

Shadowstrike: Sign? What sign?

*Avi takes out a sheet of poster paper and writes on it.*

Avi: This one of course!

*The sign says “Wet Paint”*

Shadowstrike: What the hell?

*Shadow gets up. The couch is covered in paint, and now so is Shadow.*

Shadowstrike: Why did you dump paint on the couch?

Avi: It’s not a couch anymore! The world is my canvas and I felt my creative self call out and desire this masterpiece. I call it “Drippy Comfort.”

Shadowstrike: I call it “Ruined Furniture.”

*Shadow leaves. He passes DK.*

Dark Knight: Hey Shadow!

Shadowstrike: What…

Dark Knight: Why is your ass blue?

Shadowstrike: Why are you staring at my ass?

Dark Knight: …

Shadowstrike: …

Dark Knight: This conversation didn’t happen.

*Shadow goes into the kitchen. He has a brief moment alone but then Rebel comes in and heads for the fridge.*

Shadowstrike: Hey Reb.

Rebel: Why aren’t you piloting?! Are we going to crash again? I DON’T WANT TO DIE! THERE IS STILL SO MUCH SODA LEFT FOR ME TO DRINK!

Shadowstrike: We’re on the ground.

Rebel: Oh. So what are you doing then?

Shadowstrike: I’ve been trying to read.

Rebel: Oh yeah? What is it?

Shadowstrike: It’s a self-help book. “The joy of a normal life and how to get it.”

*Rebel laughs uncontrolably for a good ten minutes.*

Rebel: With this crew? Good luck.

*Rebel leaves. It is now quiet. He glances at the book.*

Shadowstrike: Hmmm…

*Total silence*

Shadowstrike: Screw this. I’m gonna go mosh with Outlaw and Metabad.

The End

* * *

Infomercial
by Avi

Voice: ARTISTS! Tired of your eraser making a mess all over your masterpieces?! Sick of trying to erase in those hard to reach places?!

Avi: Hi, Morph Moth here with the AVI-RASER!

Avi: It’s a COMPLETELY and TOTALLY original project manufactured only in Germany, and is COMPLETELY and TOTALLY not some ordinary kneaded eraser I picked up from the local Walmart to sell at jacked-up prices! Oh, no. My product was manufactured EXCLUSIVELY in Ireland!

Outlaw: Wow, so how does it work?

Avi: Just squish it into the shape you want, then rub away! The putty-like compound allows you to mold it, tear it, and smush it back together! It’s so easy, even I can do it! Watch as I erase this raw sewage from this alligator’s back side!

*Avi begins using the eraser to do so–one change of camera angle later…*

Outlaw: *sparkly clean* Um… did I really have to take that shower just for this?

Avi: Yes–I-I mean, there was no shower, child, it was just… THE PATENTED AVI TECHNOLOGY, found exclusively in Norway, cleans your canvas so thoroughly, you’d swear you’d have taken it through the shower! See what MILLIONS of customers are saying about the Avi-raser!

Metabad: It… rawks, I guess.

Shadowstrike: Meh.

Majin: dis bbl gum taests funy

Dark Knight: Well, I suppose it could be wor–

Sean: *begins rubbing DK with the eraser*

*One change of camera angle later, and DK is nowhere to be found*

Sean: The Avi-raser… CHANGED. MY. LIFE.

Avi: That’s right! The Avi-raser can rub out people as well! Thus making it PERFECT for the Mafia, and for surgeons conducting amputations as well! With ordinary erasers, it would take HOURS to separate a pair of Siamese twins at the joint, and with a nasty mess to boot! But with the Avi-raser, it’s done in mere minutes, and without any of the mess!

Rebel, Outlaw, Majin, Shadowstrike, Metabad, Sean: …

Avi: I know what you’re thinking. Products like this would normally sell for over 300 zenny! But through this exclusive epilogue offer, you can get the Avi-raser for a measly 19.95!! But wait, there’s more!! Call within the next 15 minutes, and you’ll also receive… um…

Rebel: Receive what?

Avi: Um… I… hold on one second… *picks up the eraser, and takes a small piece off of it* …um… YEAH! Call within the next 15 minutes, and you’ll also receive the Avi-raser Jr.! It allows you to erase those tight spaces, and it’s great for the kids too! And that’s not all! You can combine it with the full-sized Avi-raser *molds the pieces back together* to form the GIANT Avi-raser! And all of this can be yours if you CALL NOW!

Rebel, Outlaw, Majin, Shadowstrike, Metabad, Sean: *collective groan*

Voice: To order, call 555-SCAM. The Avi-raser is manufactured EXCLUSIVELY in Portugal and is not available in stores. CALL NOW!

The End

(This short is dedicated to an artist’s most valuable tool–the kneaded eraser. Seriously, they’re awesome. -The Real Avi)

* * *

Unwilling Art
By Outlaw88

Rebel: I’ve told you twenty times already, I don’t want you drawing on me.

Avi: But why? I could do so much! The extra arms could symbolize how art can be an extra extension of the mind and body. The spikey tail is how art can be painful but rewarding!

Rebel: I think we need to get you some medication or something.

Avi: Come on, just a little doodle. How ’bout a happy face? It’ll be the the best happy face ever!

Rebel: Does it look like I need a happy face?

Avi: Yes, Mr. Grouchy, I think you do!

Rebel: Forget it.

Avi: It could be like a tatoo! I could make it a tough happy face! Tough guys get tattoos!

Rebel: What part of “No” didn’t you get?

Avi: He could have some barbed wire on him, and be wearing a side-ways hat. Ohhh it would be so tough and cute on you! Hold still.

Rebel: AHHHH!!!

*Rebel runs down the hall. Avi gives chase, still talking about the happy face.*

Rebel: I swear I’m going to throw away all her art supplies.

*Rebel can see that Outlaw is up ahead*

Rebel: Dude, you have to hide me. Avi has flipped out and is crazy intent on drawing on me and… What the hell happened to you?

*Outlaw is covered from head to toe in random drawings.*

Outlaw: What do you mean?

Rebel: She got to you already, I see.

Outlaw: Oh these. Neat huh?

Rebel: You’ve got to be kidding me. How could you just let her do that to you?

Outlaw: It’s not bad really. I like it.

Rebel: Just when I think I have you figured out, you go and do something weird.

Outlaw: Weird would be how that color is going to look when it dries. I have to say, neon orange is an interesting choice for your tail.

Rebel: What?!

*Avi is busy painting Rebel.*

Rebel: NOOOOOO!!!

*Rebel takes off. Avi once again follows*

Avi: Don’t go too fast or you’ll smear!

*Rebel hides behind a corner. He inspects his tail.*

Rebel: Ugh. This is going to take forever to come off.

Dark Knight: You got off light. At least she went with paint for you.

Rebel: Huh?

*DK is covered in plaster and is unable to move*

Dark Knight: She thought I’d look better as a statue. So instead of sculpting it from scratch she dumped me in this stuff.

Avi: And what a lovely piece of modern art you are! By the way, polka dots look good on you Rebel.

*Rebel looks down. He’s covered in spots.*

Rebel: Polka dots are not manly or tough.

Avi: Who said anything about that?

Rebel: You did.

Avi: I think I’d remember saying something about that.

Rebel: What about the happy face then?

Avi: What a great idea! That would go great as a face painting!

Rebel: Me and my big mouth.

The End

* * *

“Well, That’s Confusing”
By Sean

*Shadowstrike, Sean, and Outlaw are sitting at a table. Shadowstrike starts shuffling a deck of cards.*

Shadowstrike: So, everyone set on the rules now?

Sean: Are you sure those are correct? I really though that–

Outlaw: Look, I checked. No one has followed those rulings in twenty years.

Sean: Oh, that makes sense then. I don’t think I’ve played once in the past thirty.

*Suddenly Rebel rushes into the room*

Rebel: Is this room safe?

Shadowstrike: What are you talking about?

Rebel: I saw Avi carrying a few gallons of paint.

Shadowstrike: LOCK THE DOOR!

Sean: I really hope I don’t get like that when I’m old. *Everyone looks at him* What?

Outlaw: Actually, how old are you?

Shadowstrike: Yeah, you claim to be both from the era of Robot Masters and looked pretty human when we met you.

Sean: Let me think….

Rebel: You don’t know?

Sean: Well, I have not been conscious this whole time. I think I spent at least a decade frozen solid.

Outlaw: Okay that explains it.

Sean: And I don’t know how long in suspended animation. Then there was the three weeks I spent dead, four weeks of which I was a ghost.

Rebel: Four of three weeks?

Sean: Time travel. By the way, how do you count time travel? If you return to the same point you left does the time spent still count toward your age? Also do you count time spent in timelines that don’t exist or when time has been frozen?

Shadowstrike: What?

Sean: Then there were all the clone bodies and the robotic duplicates. The time my brain was scanned into a computer and copied. Or just times when my mind was uploaded to various computer networks. All the curses and blessings that I’ve gotten over the years as well keep changing my mortal state…

Rebel: Curses and blessings? I thought you had only one curse!

Sean: At the moment I’m pretty sure that was true… Actually what body am I in and am I currently the original ‘Sean’ now that you mention it? You said I seemed human, right?

Outlaw: Yeah…

Sean: Okay, good. That helps narrows things down… If I went back to my human form this might help, but then I’m not sure what phobias and psychological issues I’m currently suffering from. I think I got most cured.

Rebel: Most cured? Shouldn’t you know?

Sean: Therapy is too expensive to keep up with. Also traumatic events have caused me to to develop new ones or suffer from an old one again. Then I think I have also had some instilled by viruses as well and there was at least one time when that was something I created myself.

Shadowstrike: Don’t you have any ID? Or remember your birth date?

Sean: I’ve lost and gained so many licenses over the years. Also there were a few of the previously mentioned viruses, mind affecting enchantments, and just pain head trauma that has made it hard to remember. I have two forms of my latest ID, one for age says ‘enough’ and the other has a number that was randomly generated at the time.

Rebel: Remind me to not ask about your past again. It seems too confusing.

Sean: I really hope I am the only ‘Sean’ at this point in time.

Outlaw: Wouldn’t there be a chance the other one might be capable of giving us a straight answer.

Sean: Over sixty percent of the time when two of us have met, only one survives.

*Suddenly Avi bursts in the room*

Avi: I finally found you all! I think I found the perfect the perfect color and design for all of you! Just think of how the message we send to the populace as they see us victorious can be changed!

Shadowstrike: I thought I said to lock the door.

Rebel: I am the leader, I don’t have to follow orders. Besides Sean distracted us. *flees*

Outlaw: It can’t be too bad. Besides it makes her happy.

Shadowstrike: You and Sean can go first, then. *flees*

Sean: *Hides under his shell*

Avi: You know I heard everything you just said… *Starts staring at Sean’s shell* It’s so bright and shiny, just like life! The duality of the spiral can represent both the upward climb and the downward fall of society! And I know just how to make it more understandable! *Grabs a brush*

The End

Bermuda Shorts # 3

February 16, 2015

Insightful Thought #3
By Outlaw88

Narrator: And now, an insightful thought.

*Dramatic music*

Narrator: This week’s guest: Majin

Majin: ZZZZZZZZ… *gets poked with a stick* To dream is to follow your heart. To follow your heart is to go on with pride. To play with the world allows us to sleep with dignity. To be able to love is the highest gift of all.

To remember where you came from will help you not to lose where you are going.

Narrator: *Jawdrop*

Majin: I only had me a keg today. Not as buzzzzzzzzed yet.

Narrator: This has been an Insightful Thought.

The End

* * *

A Lifetime in Two Days
By Rebel40000

Dark Knight: *watching TV* Bleh, there’s nothing on. *changes the channel*

Salesman: *on TV* Heeey, there! Are you bored with your life?

Dark Knight: No, not really–

Salesman: Do you wish you could add some “fun” in your day?

Dark Knight: Well, maybe–

Salesman: Or at least find something good to watch on TV!?

Dark Knight: Um–

Salesman: Then try the “Super Turbo Remote Controller”! With this, you can flip through channels at light speed, until you find perfect channel meant for you!

Dark Knight: But I–

Salesman: How does it work? Simple! Just push the big red button on the remote and you will enter light speed, causing your TV to scroll through all of your channels faster than the blink of an eye! On top of that, utilizing the sensor on the remote’s button causes it to determine exactly what you want to watch!

Dark Knight: Sounds interesting, but–

Salesman: And we have a limited time offer! If you dial this number now *a number appears at the bottom of the screen* then you will receive the “Super Turbo Remote Controller” for absolutely free! That’s right, absolutely free for your entire lifetime!

Dark Knight: My entire lifetime!? I’m in! *grabs phone and starts dialing* Yeah, hello? I want that “Super Turbo Remote Controller” that is being sold for a whole free lifetime. Yeah, that one. All right, here is my mailing address and credit card number…

*Two weeks later…*

Dark Knight: *receives a package* All right! Light speed channel surfing, here I come! *opens box and finds a letter* Huh? A letter? *reads*

“Dear Dark Knight,

Thank you for purchasing the “Super Turbo Remote Controller”! We hope you enjoy the two free trial days that come with this fabulous gift! After the two free day trial, you will be automatically charge $35.98 every month. Enjoy!”

Dark Knight: WHAAAAAAAT!? I’ve been had!

*Doorbell rings*

Dark Knight: Now what? *opens door and finds two more packages addressed to him* What the Hell!? *opens them and finds similar letters charging him* I didn’t order these! Why those lousy… *sees the remote* Well, at least I’ve got the remote. Might as well check it out…

*Thus Dark Knight walks over to the living room and sits down in front of the TV.*

Dark Knight: All right, lightspeed surfing here I come! *presses the button and nothing happens* …What? *presses the button more* What is wrong with this thing!? Does it need batteries!?

*Panicking, Dark Knight grabs the remote to try and find the battery casing, only to find that there is none.*

Dark Knight: No… no… *gets on knees and clutches his head* NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

The End

* * *

Bedtime Story
By Outlaw88

*One night in the living room, Rebel, Outlaw, and Shadow were watching a movie.*

Shadowstrike: That car got crushed like it was tin foil!

Rebel: Hell yeah!

Outlaw: Did that guy’s head just explode?!

Rebel: Super Action Movie 5 is kick-ass awesome.

Shadowstrike: You said it!

*Avi enters*

Avi: What are you younguns doing up so late?

Rebel: What do you mean late?

Outlaw: Yeah, it’s only, like 11:30. This is early for us.

Avi: Yes I think you should get early starts in the morning, too.

Shadowstrike: I think her hearing went out. Go away Avi, we’re watching a movie here.

Avi: My hearing is just fine and I’ll hear no more arguing from the three of you. Time for bed. If you do it now I’ll read you a story.

Rebel: Go away, you crazy old coot.

Outlaw: Yeah this is the best part.

Avi: You asked for it.

*After several bashes to the head the three of them are tucked into bed.*

Rebel: Can either of you guys move?

Outlaw: Nope.

Shadowstrike: Nope.

Rebel: Damn… Why did she put Outlaw in the middle? You smell like a foot covered in cheese that was left out in the sun.

Shadowstrike: And since when did we own a bed this big?

Avi: Hush now, children. It’s story time!

Outlaw: Well, at least we’ll get some entertainment out of this.

*Avi sits down in a rocking chair. She pulls out and book and opens it.*

Shadowstrike: Uh, Avi, thats upside…

Avi: Hush now!

Rebel: Just shut up and let her read. The faster she gets done the faster she’ll leave.

Outlaw: So we hope.

Avi: *Ahem* Once upon a rock there was a time that rolled down a hill.

Rebel: What the hell? *gets bopped*

Avi: No swearing!

Shadowstrike: Ha ha, you got hit.

Avi: Quiet you.

Outlaw: Resume.

Avi: At the bottom of the hill was a giant ant named Biff. He has nothing to do with the hero of the pack of gum that was in peril of being hit by a golf club.

Shadowstrike: This is making my head hurt.

Avi: I told you to be quiet.

*Avi shoves a pacifier in Shadow’s mouth.*

Shadowstrike: MMMMMMMM!!!

Outlaw: This is so weird but strangly captivating.

Avi: On the far shore near the fire hydrant there was a magic pair of pants that went on a journy to find his lost pudding cup. He talked to the three knee’ed sloth about the times and the sea shell that once ate a monster truck.

Rebel: I am checking you in to a mental hospital you crazy… *gets bopped*

Avi: No interrupting!

Rebel: SON OF A… *gets bopped*

Avi: No swearing!

Shadowstrike: *sucksuck* Ya know… This isn’t so bad.

Rebel: I’m going to cripple you if you say that again.

Outlaw: So then what happened?

Avi: Right right. So anyway there was this fruit bat who knew the secrets of the forbidden paper clip. This made the cooking oil the president and the belly button lint became the answer to life itself. And they all lived happily ever after. The End.

Rebel: That was…

Shadowstrike: *Suck* Messed up.

Avi: Well that’s it. Good night children!

*Avi turns the lights off and leaves.*

Rebel: Ok she’s gone. Let’s get out of here.

Shadowstrike: *Sucksuck*

Rebel: Spit that out!

Shadowstrike: Awww…

Rebel: Ok, cut us out of here Outlaw.

Shadowstrike: Outlaw?

Outlaw: Zzzzzzzzzzz…

The End

* * *

Unspirited
By Outlaw88

*In the living room area DK and Shadow are playing the Ghostbusters video game*

Dark Knight: YEAH! Trapped another one.

Shadowstrike: Causing massive property damage is fun.

Dark Knight: It really is true. Busting makes you feel good.

Shadowstrike: I don’t know. Something about this doesn’t seem right.

Dark Knight: What the hell are you talking about? What can be wrong with us zapping ghosts?

Shadowstrike: *Pauses the game* Don’t some ghosts deserve some peace after death?

Dark Knight: What?!

Shadowstrike: What if a ghost was just hanging around not bothering anybody? Why would they trap it?

Dark Knight: Look, once you die and wind up a ghost you have no rights. They can shoot you, trap you, and put you in a containment unit, and charge an obscene amount of money for it.

Shadowstrike: What ever happened to respect for the dead?

Dark Knight: Screw that, its all about living.

Shadowstrike: If I died and became a ghost, would you…

Dark Knight: In a heartbeat.

Shadowstrike: You would zap me and trap me?!

Dark Knight: Yes, and if you don’t un-pause the game I’ll make sure it happens soon.

*Shadow gets the game going again.*

Shadowstrike: You’re evil.

Dark Knight: I know.

The End

* * *

Surprise Surprise
By Rebel40000

Metabad: It could be worse.

Sean: *shocked* Ow.

Metabad: It could be worse.

Sean: *shocked* Ow.

Metabad: It could be worse.

Sean: *shocked* Ow.

Metabad: It could be worse.

Sean: *shocked* Ow.

Metabad: It could be worse.

Sean: *shocked* Ow.

Metabad: It could be worse.

Sean: *shocked* Damn it, that’s it. I am sick of getting shocked!

Metabad: Soooooo?

Sean: So, I am going to teach you some manners in proper etiquette!

Metabad: No way, man! NO WAY!! *gets dragged off by Sean*

*A shortwhile later, in a make-shift classroom*

Sean: …And that is that. Questions?

Metabad: *raises hand*

Sean: Yes?

Metabad: So, do I haaaaave to say hello?

Sean: *facepalms* At this rate, I am going to end up like Majin… Look, let me get down to the basics here. Whenever you first meet someone, the proper thing to do is give that person a friendly greeting, which means NOT shocking them or activating their curse and causing pain and misfortune on them…

Metabad: *blinks*

Dark Knight: *sneaks up behind Sean*

Metabad: *blinks*

Sean: …Because, if you were to act in such a manner toward people on a regular basis, then…

Metabad: *blinks*

Dark Knight: *readies self*

Metabad: *blinks*

Sean: …Thus no good will ever come from this current behavior. Any comments?

Metabad: He’s got a bazooka!

Sean: Wait what–

KABOOM!!

Dark Knight: Mwahahahah! *runs out of the classroom*

Metabad: So do I pass, teach!?

Sean: *is in pieces on the floor* Yeah… sure… whatever…

Metabad: RAWKIN’!! *rawks out of the classroom*

Sean: I… hate… my life…

Metabad: *pokes head back in* It could be worse.

Sean: *shocked* Damn it…

The End

Bermuda Shorts # 2

February 14, 2015

Insightful Thought #2
By Outlaw88

Narrator: And now, an insightful thought.

*Dramatic music*

Narrator: This week’s guest: Metabad.

Metabad: Wut?

Narrator: This is where you tell us what’s on your mind.

Metabad: Orite. Here goes:

Ok see this one time I was all like WHOA cuz we did some stuff and RAWKED at it. We fought stuff destroyed stuff and yeah we good.

Narrator: Wut?

Metabad: It’s true!!! I told em I was like this awesome guy then me and Rebel did a high five and kicked evil right square in the circle! Also triangle and octogon!

Narrator: This has been an Insightful Thought.

Metabad: Did I tell you about the time I got a chicken tender stuck up my nose?

Narrator: Help.

The End

* * *

That Old Class Project
By Rebel40000

Avi: Okie-dokie, kids, today we are going to be starting an experiment!

Rebel: No.

Shadowstrike: Yes.

Rebel: WHO GAVE YOU PERMISSION TO SPEAK!?

Sean: What kind of experiment is it?

Avi: We’re going to raise butterflies!

Dark Knight: …You mean, what we did as little kids back in elementary school?

Avi: YES!!

Metabad: DO WANT.

Outlaw: Aww, little butterflies can be so cu…rly. Yeah. Wasn’t gonna say cute. Nope.

Majin: wanta fanta?

Shadowstrike: *imagines being surrounded by Fanta girls* Mm-hmm.

Avi: So it’s decided! Let’s get staaaaaarteeeeeeeeed!

*Day 1*

Avi: First, we must give our caterpillars lots and lots of water!

Sean: …Huh? Wouldn’t that be kinda unnecessary?

Avi: Nonsense! We need lots of water for them, son! Or else they will shrivel up and die! *to Rebel, Shadowstrike, and Dark Knight* You three! Get water, now!

Rebel, Shadowstrike, Dark Knight: Yes, ma’am…

*Day 3*

Shadowstrike: Avi! Rebel knocked over my caterpillar container!

Rebel: NUH-UH.

Shadowstrike: UH-HUH.

Avi: Now, now, boys! Settle down! Shadow, I’m certain your little caterry-pillarly-poo will be all right.

Dark Knight: It looks like it’s having a seizure.

Avi: That’s just your imagination, silly boy! Now get more water, posthaste!

Rebel, Shadowstrike, Dark Knight: Yes, ma’am…

*Day 6*

Outlaw: Oh boy, I wonder how my caterpillar is doing? *looks* OH NO IT’S GONE!!

Metabad: WHAT!? MINE TOO!! ALL THAT’S LEFT IS SOME ROCK ATTACHED TO THE ROOF OF THE CONTAINER!!

Outlaw: SAME HERE!!

Metabad: THIS AIN’T RAWKIN’, MAN!! NOT. RAWKIN’.

Sean: … *facepalms*

*Day 10*

Avi: Well, children! Our caterpillars have become beautiful butterflies! Take a look-see!

Everyone else: Cool!

Avi: Some of the results have proven to be quite… interesting! Look, Rebel’s caterpillar turned into a Butterfree!

Butterfree: BUTTERFREE!!

Rebel: First Digimon and now Pokemon!?

Avi: And Dark Knight’s became the legendary Mothra!

Mothra: *unleashes a blast of energy*

Dark Knight: HOLY SHIT!!

Avi: Shadow, your butterfly is in actuality a butterfly tattoo! And, um… it’s on a bucket! *lifts a bucket up*

Shadowstrike: … *grabs the bucket and puts it on* …Yay.

Sean: What’s mine?

Avi: Yours is the unlucky butterfly! It’s filled with all sorts of bad luck-goodness.

Sean: Wow, that’s uh… great? I think… *gets shocked for no reason* AHHHH!!

Avi: And Metabad, your butterfly is the “magic butterfly”. Whenever you touch it, it will make you feel good.

Metabad: Like this? *touches it and starts having an acid trip* Whoa… this rawks…

Majin: wat bout me?

Avi: Uh… Yeah… Your butterfly is… some sort of abomination not known to mankind. It’s kinda creepy, actually.

Monster Butterfly: RAAAAAAAGH!! *acid dribbles out of its mouth*

Majin: sca-ree

Outlaw: Oh man! I can’t wait to see my awesome butterfly! What is it!? What did it become!?

Avi: Yours? Lessee here… yours is that normal one in the corner.

Outlaw: A normal one? Mine is… normal?

Avi: Yuuuuuuuup.

Outlaw: *stares at it with loving eyes*

Monster Butterfly: *smashes it* RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!

Outlaw: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

Sean: So what about yours, Avi?

Rebel: Her’s is the biggest freak of them all.

Avi: *hits Rebel with a rolled-up newspaper* Bad boy! Don’t talk bad about my butterfly!

Mini-Avi: Feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Majin: sca-ree

Avi: Now, now, it’s okay. Avi will take good care of you!

Majin: sca-ree

Mini-Avi: Feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Dark Knight: Don’t we have to release them now?

Avi: What?

Shadowstrike: I think at the end of the experiment we set them off into the wild.

Avi: NO!! I mean… we can’t! We worked so hard to make them what they are!

Majin: sca-ree

Outlaw: (I think Majin’s stuck again, guys.)

Metabad: (Bet he was traumatized by his unrawkin’ butterfly.)

Rebel: Well, if you aren’t gonna release them, Avi, then I will! *opens the box they are contained in*

Butterflies: *flies away*

Avi: AHH!! HOW COULD YOU!? COME BAAAAACK!! *flies after them*

Everyone else: …

*Later, on the news…*

Anchorman: Earlier today, a bunch of butterflies attacked Megalopolis. Currently the damage is a record-breaker, higher than any other disaster that has hit the city before. Possibly the most dangerous of the butterflies, however, is a Reploid-ish one that is chasing the rest. We will now show you live footage.

Avi: DON’T RUN AWAY LITTLE BUTTERFLIES!! I PROMISE I WON’T HURT YOOOOUUU!!

Anchorman: Frightening.

The End

* * *

Test Drive
By Outlaw88

*One fine day Sean and Shadow decided to get some practice piloting the Dragonzord. They both agreed that it would be a good idea to learn as much as they could about the amazing abilities of the Zord, in case they ever needed it. Unfortunatly they were forced to bring along somebody else.*

Outlaw: Can I drive?

Sean: No.

Outlaw: Pleeeeeeease?

Sean: NO!

Shadowstrike: Why did we bring him along again? He’s making it stink in here.

Sean: We had to bring him to make sure he’d keep quite.

Outlaw: Yup! Blackmail can be fun!

Shadowstrike: How did you find this anyway?

Outlaw: You hid it in a giant box marked brussle sprouts. If it’s food I’m going to look.

Sean: Whatever. Just as long as you keep it from everybody else. ESPECIALLY Rebel.

Outlaw: Sure, sure. Can I drive now?

Sean: Shut up man. Ok Shadow, make this thing do some slick combat moves.

*Shadow makes the Dragonzord increase its speed and proceeds to do some kickass stuff!*

Dragonzord: ROOOOOARRR!

Sean, Shadowstrike, Outlaw: WOOOOOO!!!!

Shadowstrike: DO A BARREL ROLL!

*Amazingly the Dragonzord does.*

Sean: Holy crap!

Outlaw: That was fun!

Shadowstrike: Guess I got a little carried away there.

Sean: Ya think!?

*Sean smacks Shadow*

Sean: You call yourself a pilot…

Shadowstrike: *Tear*

Outlaw: Can I drive now?

Sean and Shadowstrike: NO!

Outlaw: Why not? I used to drive a tank, so whats the problem?

Sean: Well for starters you crashed that tank and its broken forever. You also filled the tank’s control room with mud!

Outlaw: It was comfortable!

Shadowstrike: Plus when it was working, you ran into everything.

Outlaw: Aw come on guys! I swear I’ll be careful with this thing.

Sean: Well…

Outlaw: Pleeeeeeeeeease?

Shadowstrike: It might be useful to have a backup pilot.

Sean: Fine.

Outlaw: WooT!

*They switch positons. After a brief explanation of how the steering worked they let Outlaw have a try.*

Sean: Not bad for a beginner.

Outlaw: Check this out!

*The Dragonzord Moonwalks*

Shadowstrike: Dude! That was badass!

Sean: Oh hell no!

Outlaw: Huh? I thought I was doing good.

Sean: This isn’t a toy! If you can’t be serious then I can’t let you drive.

*Sean shoves Outlaw out of the way and tries to rush at the controls but trips over Shadow who had to react to avoid getting hit. Sean lands face first onto the panel.*

Shadowstrike: CRAAAAAAAAAP!!

*The Dragonzord is upsidedown and somehow doing a jig.*

Sean: You guy will never let me live this down huh?

Shadow and Outlaw: Nope.

The End

* * *

Punkin
By Outlaw88

*On the Whale King. Kitchen. Rebel is holding a large pumpkin*

Rebel: This thing will make the best jack-o-lantern ever! The ancient Halloween Spirits are sure to give me tons of candy this year. Name brand too! Not that generic crap candy that they give you in little paper bags…

*Suddenly Metabad bursts through the room being chased by Shadow*

Shadowstrike: I WILL KILL YOU!

Metabad: Chill man! Chill!

*They bump into Rebel, making him toss the pumpkin high in the air.*

Rebel: WHAT THE HELL?!

Shadow and Metabad: He started it!

Shadowstrike: You drank all the chocolate milk!

Metabad: You ate all the cookies!

Rebel: I don’t care who did what just get out of the–*SPLAT*

*The pumpkin lands on Rebel’s head. He tries to take it off but can’t! His head is really stuck!*

Rebel: MMNMNMMMMNMMMMHM!

Shadowstrike: Think we should help?

Metabad: Maybe if we do he’ll make that into a pie! Pie RAWKS!

*They try to yank the pumpkin off but fail.*

Metabad: That’s really on there…

Rebel: MMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!! …

Shadowstrike: What?

*Rebel takes a swing at Shadow but misses.*

Shadowstrike: Ok, ok I got an idea.

*Shadow carves a face into the pumpkin*

Rebel: *GASP* GET THIS THING OFFA ME!!!!!

Metabad: We tried! It’s too stuck. Maybe you have a fat head?

Rebel: WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?!

Shadowstrike: Calm down dude. We’ll think of something.

Pumpkin: Ah, my face has returned.

Rebel: Did this thing just talk?!

Metabad: I think I’m about to do something involuntarily…

Pumpkin: Yes, it is good to see and talk again. Now to summon my body.

*A tall figure made of tree branches walks up, easily removes the pumpkin and places it in the proper spot.*

Shadowstrike: So… scared… right… now…

Rebel: Um… Thanks?

Jack: No, thank you. My name is Jack. Jack Pumpkinhead. Well, it’s time to Return to Oz.

*Jack disapears*

Rebel: That was… strange.

Shadowstrike: Still… scared…

*A short, stout robot marches in*

Tik-Tok: Hello, I’m Tik-Tok. Have you seen my friend Jack?

Metabad: Do you think the universe hates us?

Rebel: Yes.

The End

* * *

“#9 Dream”
by Avi

Majin: *with a controller* whooo I’mma playin Megermanz 9 *hic* eat dis, Jool Man!

Mega Man: *fires a black hole bomb*

Jewel Man: *explodes, dropping a mysterious piece of hardware*

Majin: Oooooooo I 1der wut dis doohickey duz??? Letz ass Dokter Light

Dr. Light: …Oh my. According to the analysis, the robot you just defeated has passed its expiration date… in fact; it was scheduled to have been scrapped years ago!

Roll: It’s sad, but unfortunately, it’s the law. When a robot can no longer perform its sole assigned task at peak efficiency…

Majin: hey that’s not cool yo

Dr. Light: Which reminds me, Roll. Happy birthday! *hands her a box*

Roll: *squeals, bearing a big, stupid smile* For me? *tears it open* My, what a beautiful hatchet! Thank you, daddy. THANK YOU! Except… what would I use it for? I mean, I’m a housekeeping robot.

Dr. Light: NOT ANYMORE YOU’RE NOT! *tears the hatchet out of Roll’s hands* HAPPY EXPIRATION DAY, DAUGHTER DEAREST! *uses the axe to “shut down” Roll*

Majin: … *drops his controller*

Mega Man: …W…why? *aims his buster at Light* Why, Dr. Light?

Dr. Light: Heh heh heh… go on, shoot. But good luck breaking Asimov’s Laws! The very mindset I programmed into you… you are, after all, a robot–nothing more than a mere tool to be used by us humans.

Mega Man: I… *sniff*

Dr. Light: Yes, cry. Cry those artificial tears! They are like nectar to me. Your sorrow is my sustenance! My power! CRY, MY PUPPET! THERE IS NO HEAVEN OR HELL FOR SOULLESS MACHINES LIKE YOU, ONLY DREARY NONEXISTENCE!

Majin: …I… no wants ta play tis game n e moore… *goes to pull the plug*

Dr. Light: … *turns to the screen* You can’t run from your fate, Wire Sponge. Wouldn’t you know, tomorrow is YOUR expiration date?

Majin: hunh

Dr. Light: You will be shut down. There is no escape. NO ESCAPE! MWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA…

*And then Majin woke up on the floor in a hangover, with nine empty beer bottles at his side. Yet, he could still hear the deranged laughter of his nightmarish incarnation of Dr. Light echoing in the back of his mind…*

Majin: Ugh… *goes to reach for another bottle*

Avi: *entering the room* Oh my… Majin, I could hear you groaning in your sleep. Was it another bad dream?

Majin: Well, yes… Dr. Light was there, and… and… I can’t say it! I can’t say it! I can’t… say it…

Avi: Awww… *comforts Majin and gently helps him up off the floor, to the bed* I’m so sorry, dear… *tucks him in under a large sheet of paper with a sketch of a blanket on it* Don’t worry, it was aaaaall in your mind. Not. Real. Take it from the moth who talks to her furniture!

Majin: But… robot expiration dates… what if you, and I…

Avi: …Robot expiration dates? HAH! I passed mine decades ago, sonny. Yet here I am! My body may be old, but my mind… um… well… is at the pinnacle of its artistic ingenuity! …Yeah. Totally.

Majin: So robot expiration dates are nothing to worry about, then… ugh, I still need a beer.

Avi: No you don’t, kiddo! We all keep saying–lay off the liquor before bed. It doesn’t help with the nightmares, you know. So for now, rest easy, and know that everything is going to be alright. And soon enough, the Sandman will come to whisk you away to the land of sweet dreams…

*Hours later…*

Majin: *sleeping comfortably and peacefully*

Flannery: SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND!! *sprinkles some in Majin’s eyes*

Majin: OH GOD SLDKFJSKLDFJSDLKFJSLKDFjslkdfjsldfj

The End

Bermuda Shorts #1

February 12, 2015

The Bermuda Shorts series was a bunch of short skits made by the team simply to have fun. There were four in the series. Once these have been posted that will do it for the Code: Island Attacker archive.

Insightful Thought #1
By Outlaw88

Narrator: And now, an insightful thought.

*Dramatic music*

Narrator: This week’s guest: Dead Man.

Dead Man: …

Narrator: This has been an insightful thought.

The End

* * *

“ABC”
By Outlaw88

Narrator: Now its time for something fun!

Rebel: I’ll bet…

Narrator: It’s the ABC’s with Rebel!

Rebel: Why am I doing this?

Narrator: Community service.

Rebel: Ugh. Fine…

A is for: Ass-kicking. The thing I do best.

B is for: Beer. Majin’s drink of choice.

C is for: Coke! Like I’d say something different.

D is for: Donald and his stupid hair.

E is for: Evil. For a better word see “P”

F is for: Flannery. Sand crazy is the tip of the iceberg.

G is for: Gator. My smelly friend.

H is for: Hell. I’m in it while doing this…

I is for: Idiot. Most of my team embodies this.

J is for: Jack. My awesome skeleton friend.

K is for: Kick-ass ninja skillz!

L is for: Lollipop. Don’t judge me. Their good.

M is for: Majin. Cuz I can’t think of anything better.

Majin: Awwwww. I make sad face now… 😦

Rebel: N is for: Noogies! I give them to Shadow!

O is for: Online. Where we live. Technically… I’m breaking the fourth wall again aren’t I?

P is for: Pepsi. Pure evil.

Q is for: Quick! Hand me a Coke!

R is for: RAWK! That’s what I do!

S is for: Super Awesome Fighting Force!

T is for: Totally need another Coke right now.

U is for: Undisputed King of Cool. AKA me.

V is for: Vengeance. I’ll have it soon. Make me do the alphabet will ya you lousy… *mutter mutter mutter*

W is for: Waldo. Why can’t I ever find him!?

X is for: X-Hunters. A pain in the ass from day one.

Y is for: Yuber. My sworn enemy.

Z is for: Zilch. I’ve got nothing for this.

Narrator: Thanks Rebel! See you next time folks.

Rebel: Headbutt a bullet.

The End

* * *

Indigestion
By Outlaw88

*One fine day*

Metabad: DUUUUDE! You gotta play me on this!

Shadowstrike: We’ve been playing this same tired SNES for like 5 hours. Don’t you have a newer system?

Metabad: I used to. I had some RAWKIN stuff right here in front of the couch, but…

Majin: I’VE LOST MY BUTT!

Shadowstrike: He threw up on it huh?

Metabad: Yup.

*Outlaw walks in*

Outlaw: *Buuuuuuuuurp* Yo.

Metabad and Shadowstrike: Sup?

Outlaw: Just had a drinking contest with Rebel.

Majin: Drink?! I’d love one! *runs into a wall*

Shadowstrike: Who won?

Outlaw: We ran out so it was a draw. I’m feelin’ kinda funny though.

Metabad: You don’t look like a clown!

Shadowstrike: (Thank God for that…) Why?

Outlaw: I dunno… I don’t think I’ve had this much carbonation before… HIC!

*An Xbox apperas in front of Metabad*

Metabad: ZOMG!!!!!!

Outlaw: Huh… That was weird… HIC!

*A brick appears and lands on Majin’s head*

Shadowstrike: Outlaw?

Outlaw: Yeah?

Shadowstrike: How are you doing that?

Outlaw: Doing what? HIC!

*A bucket lands on Shadow*

Shadowstrike: THAT!

Outlaw: Beats me.

Metabad: *Dancing with the Xbox* Dude! You RAWK! What else can you make?

Outlaw: I just told you I have no i… HIC!

*A flower pot explodes*

Shadowstrike: It seems everytime you hiccup something happens.

Outlaw: You know… I’ve never had the hiccups before.

Metabad: Are you magic?

Majin: Trick poney…

Outlaw: I don’t think so.

Metabad: Did you eat all the Lucky Charms?

Outlaw: We have Lucky Charms?! HIC!

*Giant rubber duck appears on the ocean*

Shadowstrike: I’ve got it! Remember way back when Rebel and I tried to blow up a Pepsi factory*?

*See Series 2, Epilogue #14, “The Really Effed Up Misadventure”

Outlaw: A little.

Shadowstrike: Remember that thing you ate? What was its name…

Majin: Chocolate… Factory…

Metabad: Wonka?

Shadowstrike: No, no no… Charlie! Do you remember that?

Outlaw:… Um… OH YEAH! That mutant goldfish thing! It granted wishes!

Shadowstrike: Right! So maybe you absorbed some of its power.

Outlaw: That sounds weird.

Rebel: What the hell is going on in here?!

Metabad, Shadowstrike, Outlaw: OH CRAP!

Majin: SPRINKLES!

Rebel: I need a Coke and I need one right now! I’ll start slicing off limbs if I don’t get…

Outlaw: HIC!

*Giant Coke can lands on Rebel*

Rebel: I WILL KILL… Wait… YES! This is so cool! *dives in*

Shadowstrike: Let’s leave.

Metabad: K.

Outlaw: First I shoot lasers out of my mouth and now this… Why do I have to be the vessel for the strange?

Shadowstrike: Just lucky I guess.

Outlaw: Speaking of that… Let’s go eat cereal.

Metabad and Shadowstrike: WOOOOO!

The End

* * *

Crash Diet
By Rebel40000

*On the Whale King*

Rebel: So, recently I’ve gotten into dieting.

Shadowstrike: *piloting* Really? You don’t look the type.

Rebel: Shut up. So, as I was saying, I’ve gotten into dieting.

Shadowstrike: So what exactly have you been doing?

Rebel: Well, I decided to completely stop taking anything that has Vitamin B in it.

Shadowstrike: Cool. Feel any difference?

Rebel: No, not really. Although, I think if I keep up the pace I’ll eventually feel somethi–*passes out on top of Shadow*

Shadowstrike: *eyes get covered* I CAN’T SEE!! *drives ship into a volcano*

*The volcano erupts upon impact*

Shadowstrike: *gets covered in magma* OH MY GOD REBEL WAKE UUUUUUUUP!!

Rebel: *also covered in magma* …

Shadowstrike: AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

*The screen suddenly blinks and goes black like a television turning off. In place of the previous screen a man in a suit appears, sitting on a stool.*

Man: The moral of this story? If you diet you will crash into an erupting volcano.

The End

* * *

“Hangman”
By Avi

Avi: Alright, kids, it’s six o’ clock! It’s time for…

Dark Knight: …Bed. It’s 12:40 AM. Learn to read the damn clock, you senile old hag.

Avi: Manners, please! I ain’t blind, son. *points to a print of Salvador Dali’s La Persistencia de la Memoria—AKA “that painting with the melting clocks”*

Shadowstrike: …Yeah… should we tell her?

Avi: Nope, nope, don?t say a word. Trust me, kid, it’s six o’ clock. In fact, it’s been 6:00 ever since I hung this painting on the wall eight and a half hours ago.

Sean: …

Rebel: …

Majin: …derrr nawt evven me zat delushionul *hic*

Outlaw: Give the old lady a break, guys. You know she has trouble discerning artwork from reality…

Metabad: …WHOA WAIT. If it is 6:00 now, and was 6:00 when she put the painting up all those hours ago… then she has… the ability to stop time?! DUDE, THAT RAWKS! *rawks*

Sean: Or maybe the clock in the painting just needs new batteries. Who can say.

Dark Knight: Or maybe it needs a… jolt of electricity…

Avi: Ooooooookay, before we get into another gag at the snail child’s expense… as I was saying, it’s 6:00. That means it’s time for… HANGMAN!

Rebel: Hangman, you say? Oh, what the hell. I do fancy myself a good public execution every once in a while. *sips coke*

Dark Knight: Me too. I just love watching people suffer… TEE HEE!

Avi: No, no, no! The idea is to save Hangman from such a cruel fate! And he can only be saved if one utters the magic word…

*Avi produces a marker, and begins drawing on the wall.*

_ _ _ _ _

Avi: Alright, class. The category is “food.” Guess one letter at a time, 123go!

*There is a brief silence. Evidentally, most of the team aren’t even interested in playing.*

Majin: *snores, while passed out atop the table*

Avi: Why, yes! There are two Z’s!

_ _ Z Z _

Metabad: Yo, be right back you guys, I gots to go peeeeeeee… *rawks his way to the restroom*

Avi: One “P!”

P _ Z Z _

Dark Knight: “R.”

Avi: …Ack! Watch it! *draws Hangman’s head on the gallows* Please, only two more letters to go! You can still save the poor guy…

Rebel: “Q.”

Avi: NO! Please, be serious! Hangman’s life is depending on your guesses, people!

Rebel: “No”, you say? There is a Q. There is because I say so. Leader privileges and all that. *grins fiendishly*

Avi: *drawing Hangman’s torso* …Be serious, boy! Do you honestly think there is a “Q” is “PIZZA”?!

Rebel: Yes. Now be a good little follower and put that Q up there!

Avi: Mumble mumble… *draws a line on the end of Hangman’s circular torso, to make it look like a “Q”*

Shadowstrike: Wow, you gave Hangman a whole extra limb for one wrong guess? You must really want him dead!

Avi: *looks at her Q, then back at Rebel* You-you’re tricking me into killing Hangman… aren’t you… you monster…!

Rebel: *sips coke in the most suspiciously innocent fashion possible*

Shadowstrike: Oh, and I know what the answer is. POTATO!

Dark Knight: No, it’s POP CORN!

Majin: …beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeer…

Avi: …What’s wrong with you people? I thought that I was the delusional one ’round here!

Sean: You know, in Hangman, when you guess the whole word wrong… don’t you think you should add a limb for each wrong letter? Sure, Shadow got the A, and we already have the P, but the rest of the letters make… 7 incorrect guesses.

Outlaw: Oooooh… alas, poor Hangman, I knew ye well. …Can I have his remains?

Avi: … *twitch*

Sean: What? Outlaw’s eaten worse before.

Avi: … *turns red*

Everyone else: …

Avi: …DO YOU INSOLENT CHILDREN NOT UNDERSTAND? HANGMAN IS NO MERE GAME. AN INNOCENT LIFE WAS AT STAKE, AND YOU LET HIM DIE WITH YOUR SHEER LACK OF COMMON SENSE. YOU’RE ALL A BUNCH OF BLOODTHIRSTY MURDERERS, YOU HEAR?! I HOPE YOU’RE ALL HAPPY WITH YOURSELVES, AND I HOPE YOU ALL ROT IN HELL. AND WHEN YOU?RE THERE, I HOPE YOU RUN INTO THE HANGMAN YOU JUST KILLED SO YOU CAN SEE HIS SORROW FOR YOURSELF–yeah, I’m pretty sure you’ll find him in hell, seeing as how he was at the gallows that would suggest he committed some sort of offense that would no doubt warrant capital punishment–but um… wait, did I just contradict myself? Who cares. Because you’re all monsters and I never want to see any of you ever again!! *flies away*

*Later, at the graveyard…*

Avi: *finishes scribbling on one of the graves* All done… rest easy, sweet prince…

Here lies
Green Biker Dude HANGMAN
21XX – 21XX

The End