Posts Tagged ‘creativity’

Scurvy and Rum

June 29, 2015


The night is cold and wet as the thunderstorm begins to worsen and to pound the English shore. Not far from the harbor there is a pub where two rugged men are sharing a table and a large mug of beer to keep filling the flagons they have in their calloused hands. Despite the late hour the barkeep doesn’t mind these two, or to be more precise, he knows better than to try and enforce rules on them. Pirates after all can be a problem if they are angry; but serve them what they want and keep them drunk and happy? They’ll cause no trouble and if they are especially pleased will even pay for what they eat and drink. The barkeep, a shrewd balding man of short stature, has dealt with these two before and knows how to keep them in good spirits. He even likes them a little bit as they seem to be decent fellows as pirates go.

The first pirate, a tall and lean man with the beginnings of a pot belly, a short well trimmed beard, and small scar on his chin, takes another swig of his beer. With a laugh he says.

“This is a good night for a drink what with the weather be’in too bad for us to sail eh’ Rum Jon?”

Jon, a large, hulking brute of a man with long scraggly hair that hung over his dirty face that showed a grin, replied.

“Oh aye Captain Scurvy, every night no matter the weather is a fine night for drinking!”

They laughed loud and heartily at this and both took another long drink of their flagons.

“Tis true, very true indeed mate”

Scurvy says as Jon refills their flagons and motions for the barkeep to bring them another mug.

“Hey Jon, we been through a lot together ain’t we?”

Still with a grin Jon answered

‘Indeed we have. We seen some sights that many a man have never dreamed of. Like when we got lost on our way back home from Morocco and we ended going around in circles.”
“Ah yes because my dratted compass had gotten waterlogged.”

Finished the Captain with a laugh as he recalled how he and his crew practically had to start a war with the natives
to get a replacement.

“How about the time when you and I were lads and we set off to find treasure?”

Jon smiled as his memory went back to the days when they were children. Even then they were both obsessed with adventure and the thrill of discovering treasure, both large and small.

“That little raft we made of driftwood that we used to cross the stream just out of town. That was the real start of all this. How you came about a map is beyond me but sure enough it led us to our first chest of treasure.”

“Oh aye treasure it was, just an old trunk with some clothes in it. Not worth a thing to anyone but us.”

Said the Captain. He then turned to the barkeep and shouted.

“Bring us some food on the double! Roasted pork will do us fine and don’t hold back non on the dressings.”

“Give us some bread too”

Added Rum Jon. The barkeep nodded and quickly went to the kitchen to get them what they wanted. He did not want to miss their conversation. Talk of adventure, pirates, and treasure always excited him.

“Captain, where did you get that map anyway?”

Scurvy smiled at his old friend.

“Jon I drew it on some paper. I’ve always been good at drawing up maps and I did it just for fun. I had no idea we would actually find
somethin’. It’s a wonder how things turned out for us since that. We even joined the royal navy together.”
Jon chuckled at learning that their discovery had been by chance.

“Aye the RN taught us the sea and now we either fight or run from them.”

Their food now in front of them they begin to feast while they talk.

“Say Jon, where did your nickname come from? You never drink rum. It always disagreed with you. ”

As he wiped some juice away from his mouth he replied.

“While in the navy I used to break rum bottles over my head for a laugh. The name just stuck after that. I always had me a hard head.”

They both laughed at this and continued to eat. Jon knew about his Captain’s name. Chris Mattern, while serving on board his first naval ship learned the hard way on what to eat while at sea. He got so sick that the navy nearly discharged him once they got him back on land to recover. Since then he took the nickname as both a joke and a reminder of hard lessons learned. With the food now gone the two pirates began to gather up their things. To show the barkeep that they meant no harm they had always left their weapons at the door. Their coats and hats however were on the floor near the table and these they now picked up.

“Say Jon, why do you always have to be so formal? You needn’t call me Captain when it’s just you and me here. I appreciate it when its in front of the crew, but we been mates for as long as I can recall.”

“I know.”

Jon replied

“I just keep to habit is all. If I started calling you by your first name all the time I would forget to keep to titles later. Besides Chris Scurvy doesn’t have the same ring to it. Speaking of the crew, we need to do some recruitin’ soon. Our last fight with those French dogs hurt us plenty it did.”

Before Captain Scurvy could answer they both turned in surprise when the barkeep leaps from where he stood and begged to be let on board. The pirates stood looking at him for a minute in silence and glanced at each other. Both broke out in laughter.

‘Captain we have ourselves an adventurous one. What say you?”

Laughing loud Scurvy ordered:

“We can always use a man like that, bring everything of value from this place and get it on the ship on the double. We’ll make a
pirate of you yet!”


No One’s Looking

June 13, 2015

Here is another short that I wrote a while ago. Felt like sharing it.


No One’s Looking



Statue of a Man

Statue of a Woman



In a small room in a fancy house two statues stand at the far corners and are facing the door leading in .(The audience) The statues are incredible works of art; the man looking noble and the woman the essence of beauty. A clock chimes midnight from somewhere in the house.


Slight movement as the woman inches her head towards the man

Woman Statue: Do you think they are all asleep my love?

Man Statue: Hard to say. (More softly) Better we keep it down until we are sure.

Woman: I do not wish to stay quiet anymore. We do enough of that during the day.

Man: Yes, but that is what we must do. It is our purpose to be looked at and spoken about but never spoken to.

The statue of a man moves his arms a bit but does not move his head. He continues to watch the door.

Woman: They are silly things; people.  What do you make of them?

Man: They can be interesting and a nuisance, often both at the same time.

Woman: Tell me who bothers you.

The woman, now moving more fluidly turns her whole self to the man. The man turns slightly from his position, but still keeps watch on the door.

Man: The snooty stuck up ones. Always assuming they are better than everyone else because they have more of everything. Underneath it all they are never happy, it shows on their faces.

Woman: I have noticed that myself. I don’t care for the maids.

Man: (Now fully turning towards the woman.) The maids?

Woman: Yes. They are so very rough when they are cleaning. It’s supposed to be a dust rag, not a club! I think next time they do that I’ll give them a good smack.

Man: (Laughing.) You’d give them a heart attack if you do.

Woman: Is it time yet?

Man: No, not yet. What people do you like?

Woman: I like it when they bring the children.

Man: The children?

Women: (Happily) When they look at us, they do not try to think about meaning, style, method, or any of that nonsense the artists talk about. When they look at us, they see the life we have, the beauty of life.

Man: I too have felt this way. The world has not gotten to them yet.

The clock now strikes three

Man and Woman together: At last!

They move towards each other. Their steps just as artful as their forms, they quicken and finally reach and embrace one another. They begin to sway and move in unison.

Woman: How I long to dance with you during the day. It is sheer torture to see you across the room and not be able to go to you. A few hours at night are not enough!

Man: I am happy with the time we get. I could stay in the corner for centuries if it meant I could dance only a minute with you.

They dance more eloquently now. Never once letting each other go, they move all around the room laughing all the while.

Woman: Why must we stay apart? Why can’t we stay like this forever?

Man: It is how we were made to be. People would not understand.

They dance more quickly now, using everything in the room; gravity could not hope to contain them; even the walls became a stage.

Man: Tomorrow will be here soon.

Woman: Let’s think of something funny to amuse ourselves during the day.

Man: I’ll make a parody of the looks they give us. (He puts his nose in the air and imitates the snobs they see so often)

Woman: (giggling) I’ll move my eye’s when they aren’t looking.

The clock now strikes seven

Man: Our dance is at an end. We must return to our places.

Woman: Time is always our enemy isn’t it?

Man: No, we can outlast time; we will always do each day.

They reluctantly let each other go and return to their spots. Stiffness taking them once more.

Hazy Day

June 7, 2015

This was a one act play I wrote a long while ago. Looking at it now I can see that I’ve improved, and that this isn’t nearly as good as some of my C:IA stuff.  I figured I would share it anyway.

Hazy Day

By: Andrew Felson


MATT: Slacker college student. Fairly bright but very lazy. Dressed punk rocker style.

JANE: MATT’S Girlfriend. On the bossy side. Dressed “preppy.”

CHRIS: MATT’S friend. Rebellious. Dressed in the grunge style.

KYLE: MATT’S friend. Hard working and very smart. Dressed “preppy.”

  1. PARKER: Math professor. Dressed formal.

Scene: 1

The room is dimly lit as MATT walks onstage. He is walking slowly with a bit of a slump. He is headed towards something but right now it is too dark for us to see.


(Yawning) Oh man, what a night. Thought I’d never get that stupid report done.

(MATT stretches out his arms out and walks over to the bed that has now become spot-lighted as well. The bed is located at the furthest right corner of the stage.)


Time to hit the sack.

(MATT doesn’t even bother to pull the covers down. He simply flops face first on the pillow and quickly finds a comfortable position. There is a moment of silence; then very loudly an alarm clock goes off and a face of a clock is illuminated on the wall showing 7:00. MATT is jolted and tumbles to the floor.)



(MATT runs offstage. He returns but now closer to the front of the stage.)

Scene 2

(The stage is now fully lit and we see that he is in front of a college campus. Two people standing in front of the entrance. He walks towards them.)


I can’t believe its morning already. (Calling) Chris; Kyle, what up guys?


Yo Matt, you running late for your algebra class?


I still have a few minutes. (Yawns) Damn, am I tired.


What did you do? Party all night or something?


Nahh, I was finishing that English report that’s due



Finishing, or just starting?


(Chuckling) Yeah, that too. I’ve never pulled an all-nighter before. Feels really weird to not have slept. I’m so drowsy that I nearly walked into a stop sign on the way here.

(MATT rubs his eyes for a moment.)


Jane was looking for you. Said she would meet you in class later.


Huh? Did you just say Jane made a pass at Wally Gator?

(CHRIS and KYLE look at each other, and then start laughing.)


Man, you really are out of it, huh?


Whoa, that one passed right through the filter.


The what?


The filter. You know; the thing that blocks you from saying the stuff that pops in your head? It’s what stops you from putting your foot in your mouth, most of the time anyway.


(To KYLE): I can’t believe you’ve never heard of that.


I know what you’re talking about; I just call it common sense.


Common sense is a dumb phrase. If sense were really common, everyone would have some.


Very true. But what would we call it then?


Uncommon sense would be too unoriginal. Is there a word that means some people have it and others don’t? Like some are rich and others are poor?


I don’t think so.  Even if there was it would get banned faster than it got made.

(MATT yawns loudly again and checks his watch.)


Damn I’m going to be late! I gotta get to class. This day can’t end soon enough.


See you after class.


Later, dude.


Think he’ll make it through the day?


Can the government make smart decisions?

(Both laugh as they walk offstage.)

Scene 3

(MATT enters the door and sits at his desk and puts his head down. He is just about to nod off when JANE walks in and taps him on the back.)


(Playfully) Get up, you!


(Groggily) Hmmuhhhh.. What? Oh hey, babe. What’s up?


By the looks of things, certainly not you.


Very funny. We don’t have a test or anything today, do we? I can hardly keep my eyes open, a test is something I can’t handle right now.


No test, but we‘re reviewing for one so you need to pay attention.


(Sarcastically) Great. How come you decided to take this class on the days I didn’t?


Because if we were here together, you would be thinking of me and not the class.


Good point. Why do you care so much about how I do?


Because I’m your girlfriend and I care about you, and besides what would my friends think if I was dating a loser?

(Brief pause as MATT gives her a hard look)


Of course I was joking. But I want you to succeed in life.


I’ll make due, don’t worry. The world won’t end if I can’t master the quadratic formula.
(MR. PARKER walks in.)


I’ll see you after class.

(JANE leaves.)


Good morning everyone. I trust you are ready to go over the material for your next test.


(To himself) Not really.


After this test we will begin more complex functions. I expect everyone to do well on this exam so I’m very excited to see the results.


(Sarcastically and very loud) More excited than a fat guy at a bake sale.

(MATT puts his hand over his mouth. MR. PARKER glares at him.)


(Sternly) Is there a problem Matt?


No sir! Sorry.


(Sternly) Any more outbursts like that and you can forget about that extra credit you have been bugging me for. Now then, let’s get started.


(To himself) Jerk.

(MATT puts his head down again. The stage goes dim and strange music begins to play. MATT gets up and looks around bewildered.)


What the hell?

(A line of deer wearing top hats dance onto the stage and the music gets slightly louder. MATT backs away from his desk as he watches the deer dance around.)


I’m not sure if I should be scared, or entertained.

(The deer circle around MATT while the music gets louder and louder.)


Stop! This is madness!

(The stage goes black for a minute. When it lights back up, MATT is back in his desk.)


(Shouts) Deer!



(MATT looks around the room confused. The rest of the class has gone.)


Um… Sorry about that.


Are you aware that you were making strange noises? I hope you find time to study over the weekend because you are going to need it. Now get out of here!

(MATT gets up and walks out of the room, shaking his head and yawning.)

Scene 4

(JANE comes back onstage.)


So how did it go?


I’m not too sure actually. I fell asleep during class.


(Scolding): You can’t be doing that you know, Matt. What if you fail this class? I don’t want you too far behind me.


I’m not going to fail. I’ll just have to study hard this weekend. Thank God today’s Friday.

(JANE starts to shake a bit.)


We had plans this weekend remember? Fridays at Fridays.


I know, I know. I’m going to take a long nap when I get home. I’ll set my alarm for seven and pick you up a little after that.

(JANE now begins to pace while still jerking around)


Seven! Seven! Twenty-four and a third! Snake eyes!




Jane, Jane, Aero-plain! Once had a life, now we’re the same!

(MATT begins to back up as JANE moves towards him, now with a whip in her hand, she follows his every move.)


(Alarmed) Jane, what the hell is the matter with you?


(Singing) Same, same, what a shame. Can’t do math with little brain. Jane Jane; in the lane. I’ve got you on my chain.


The same? Are you trying to tell me I’m becoming you? You aren’t making sense! And my brain’s just fine!


No need for sense, you follow what I say. When nonsense is normal, normality becomes taboo. I say, you do.

(JANE follows MATT all along the stage and whips at him a few times until he stumbles and falls over. The stage darkens. When it lights back up again, MATT is sleeping in his desk in MR. PARKER’S room.)

Scene 5


(Muttering): Say and do.

(MR. PARKER goes over and taps MATT who yells the moment he does and nearly falls out of his chair.)


Are you ok? What in the world was all that about?

(MATT looks around totally bewildered. The rest of the class is leaving.)


Did either Jane or a bunch of deer come in here?

Mr. Parker: Shouldn’t you wait until after school to get drunk?


Never mind.

(MATT gets up and goes to the door of the classroom. When he opens the door the lights go dark red and sounds of a violent thunderstorm play. He quickly shuts the door and the color goes normal and the sound stops. MATT looks confused and opens the door again, but for a shorter time and gets the same result as last time. At a faster pace he opens and closes the door and the sound and lights correspond each time. Closes the door again and then leans against it and goes into a thinker pose. He turns and opens the door, but only a crack. The stage goes slightly red and the thunder is soft. MATT closes the door; notices MR. PARKER is still in the room.)


Have you noticed anything strange going on?


Nothing is strange. Strange is everything.


I….. Don’t follow.


That’s the problem young man. You don’t follow. You don’t follow instructions, you don’t follow the norm, and you don’t follow advice.


We can’t all be followers. What is wrong with going against the norm?


Always questions from you. You should never question authority!


So you want me to blindly follow you just because of your status? I can make up my own mind and find my own way.


Robotic/monotone) Follow the leader.




(Robotic/monotone) Follow the leader follow the leader…

(MR. PARKER repeats this line over and over and begins to walk along the stage. A windup key is sticking out of his back. He walks past MATT who has a dumbfounded look on his face.)


I always thought you were a tool but this is too much.

(MR. PARKER goes to the door and opens it. The stage goes dark. When it lights back up again, MATT is back sleeping in his desk. MR. PARKER sticks his head through the door.)


(Ticked off) Matt, you can wake up now, class is over.


(Groggy.) Mmmmwha? Oh, thanks Mr. Roboto.


(Still ticked) Real cute. It will be interesting to see how you do on the test Monday.


Only fascists have tests on a Monday.

Scene 6

(MR. PARKER leaves. MATT gets up and heads for the now closed door. He hesitates when he gets to it. Slowly he grabs the knob and turns. He sticks his head out of the door and looks around first then re-closes the door. He turns so we can see his face as he wipes his brow and looks relieved. He exits through the door.)


Man this is a weird day.

(He sees JANE waiting for him and jumps back. He cautiously walks over to her.)


What’s the matter with you?


You wouldn’t happen to have a whip or chain on you by any chance?


Huh? What am I, Cat-woman?


Forget it. Just a daydream.


(Scolding): You can’t be doing that you know, Matt. What if you fail this class? I don’t want you too far behind me.

(MATT steps back and looks at her funny.)


What’s wrong?


Just déjà vu. I’ll take care of it, don’t worry.


Are you at least a bit more rested now since you slept through class?


Actually I feel more tired now than when I went in there. I’m going to the vending machine and see if it has any Pop-Tarts.


That’s a nice healthy way to start the day, huh?


Breakfast of champion college students.

(MATT walks offstage stumbling here and there. CHRIS and KYLE walk on from the opposite side and meet up with JANE.)


HHey guys.


You seen Matt today? He’s really out of it.


Yeah I did. Serves him right.


Bit harsh coming from his girlfriend.


I know, but he’s such a slacker it drives me crazy. I want him to do better but my plan doesn’t seem to be working as fast as I would like.




My plan for changing him, of course.


What are you talking about?


Every woman tries to shape up her man. Some like Matt need more work than others.


What are you trying to do, make him like your puppy?


No, not like that; his personality is what I fell in love with. It’s his habits and his attitude that need fixing.


You can’t just fix somebody.


My mother was right, guys just don’t get it.


Does Matt know he’s being trained?


Of course not. Most guys never realize it, and the one’s who do tend to go along with it anyway.


Probably because it’s too late for them to be saved.


Right, too la.. Hey that’s not it! It’s out of love.


Wouldn’t loving him no matter what his habits are be better?


You read too much. Love is never that simple.


(To KYLE) Dude, there is no way I’m falling for that. Next girl who tries to change me is in for a surprise.


Yeah, once she finds out you’re unfixable she’ll just dump you.


Whose side are you on anyway?


I shouldn’t have told you guys this.

(MATT comes back on stage. He is walking slower now and is slouching much more.)


There’s Matt now. If either of you say anything about what I told you, I’ll break your arms.


Fine, but he’ll figure it out eventually.


Hey Matt.

(MATT walks right past everybody without noticing.)



(The three look at each other for a minute, a bit confused.)


(Yelling) Matt!


Huh? Oh hey guys, when did you get here?


Dude, you’re really creeping me out.


If I got some food it would be different.


What happened to Pop-Tarts?


In my rush to get here this morning, I forgot my wallet at home. I could see my favorite flavor in the vending machine, and they were dangling a little bit. It was almost as if they were taunting me.


Why didn’t you just shake the thing then?


It was bolted to the ground. Plus I didn’t have the energy to try. How were your classes?


I was watching a squirrel run up and down a tree.


As opposed to paying attention to the instructor.


It was such a boring lecture. Why should we even bother to study history anyway? It’s all in the past, over and done with.


That would make it history, alright.


Dude; shut up.


(Laughing) So did the squirrel do anything else?


Yeah, it ran over to this guy on a bench. He had a bag of peanuts and when he wasn’t looking, the squirrel took the whole thing! I was so into watching it that when the instructor called my name I blurted out that I was watching some guy’s nuts being stolen.

(They all laugh a bit at this, even JANE who normally does not like that sort of humor.)


How bout you, Kyle?


Nothing that entertaining happened to me but I enjoyed the lecture. We were going over cells so I was really into it.


How in the world can you sit through all that?


It’s interesting. The fact that everything we see is made up of billions of tiny organisms just amazes me. The fact that there can be a whole universe within a universe is worth my time and attention.


Thanks for the info, Mr. Wizard.


Science is my thing, what can I say?


Alright, brainiac, you can quit rubbing it in. We can’t all be here on scholarships.


He isn’t rubbing it in, guys. He just worked hard to get here, unlike some people I know. Chris, you haven’t even picked a major yet.


Why bother to pick a major when they make you take a ton of classes that won’t have anything to do with it? I may as well get all those out of the way and chose after.


That bothers me too. What’s the point in having to take two math or two science classes when you are majoring in art?


They do that so you have a more rounded education. They don’t want stupid people everywhere.


Seems like a big waste of time and money to me.


It’s the government’s fault.


Here we go again.


(Angrily) It’s true; they make up these impossible rules and regulations in order for them to get more of our money.


Oh please, you blame the government for everything. Next thing you’ll tell me is how they hide aliens from us.

(MATT sways a little bit and tilts his head back.)


You read that article too?


Kyle, back me up here. The government isn’t as bad as Chris is always trying to make it out.




Dude, don’t take her side on this; think of the scandals we’ve seen.


The thing is…


(Annoyed) Its no good arguing politics with you Chris, you’re far too hard headed.


(Annoyed) Conservative scum!


Liberal scum!






Communist pig!

(JANE and CHRIS stop and look at KYLE who shrugs and grins. JANE and CHRIS cool down and laugh a little.)


Maybe you should consider going into politics if you want change so bad.


Maybe, but then wouldn’t I be a sellout?


We are all sellouts at heart. We just all have different price tags.


(Laughing) I think Matt is sleeping.

(They all look and sure enough MATT is out on his feet, snoring a little. JANE shakes her head.)


I just hope he learns a lesson from all this.


Let’s poke him and see what he does.


I’ve never seen anyone asleep on their feet before. I always thought it was just a figure of speech or a myth or something.

(KYLE goes around MATT to inspect him while CHRIS lightly pokes MATT’S arm.)


Don’t poke him too hard or he’ll topple over.


I’m not. Try it, this is really fun.

(KYLE starts poking MATT’S other arm. JANE walks up behind them both.)


Gonna join the fun Jane?



(All three boys jump and yell in surprise. MATT more so and falls backwards. KYLE and CHRIS nearly collide as well.)


(Angry) What the hell was that for?


Now that was funny.


Nearly gave me a heart attack. You ok, Matt?

(KYLE helps the still shaken MATT to his feet.)


I’m good, and as soon as my pulse returns I’ll be even better.


Like I said before; serves you right for slacking off.


You could have at least warned Kyle and me.


Where would the fun in that be?


It was kinda funny.


Stop taking her side! What are you, in love with her or something?


Don’t be ridiculous. Jane and Kyle would never go behind my back like that.

(Both JANE and KYLE look at each other then to the floor. They shuffle their feet and look uncomfortable.)


(Worried)Right, Jane? Jane? No. You didn’t?






(Enraged) I knew it! It’s always a conspiracy, there’s always something going on.


It’s complicated Matt, but Kyle is a better investment than you are.


Jane, how could you! Kyle, what the hell man?!


I’m sorry Matt, really, but Jane and I have been together for a long time. We just couldn’t come up with a good way to break it to you.

(The light starts to get red and the sound of the storm faintly begins.)


Why, Jane? What did I do to make this happen?


(Angry) Why? Why!? You wouldn’t change! You were you!


(Angry) I’m tired of being your crutch when it comes to reason and your studies.


(Ranting) Traitors! That’s all they really are, no truth…

(CHRIS begins to pace in a circle flailing his arms and yelling angrily. A few of the dancing deer come onstage and dance in the background. Only MATT looks their way. The light has gone redder and the sound louder.)


This… is nuts!


You never studied; you never worked hard to get here. Just partied and had a good time while I…


You wouldn’t become the better man I thought you could be! You never followed…

(“Windup” MR. PARKER comes back onstage. He repeats the line “follow the leader” as he walks along the stage. The light is now at its reddest and the sound the loudest. MATT holds his hands over his ears, but everyone else is unaffected.)


(Shouting) Become the man!


(Shouting) Embrace knowledge!


(Shouting) Trust no one!

(Everyone onstage turns towards MATT and walks towards him while pointing. MATT backs away.)


No; stay back. I’m happy with what and who I turned out to be. Leave me alone!

(MATT falls down near the back of the stage. The stage goes pitch black but the sound stays for a minute before turning into the sound of the alarm. The face of the clock reads 7:00. The stage lights back up and everyone except MATT is gone. He looks around.)


(Panting) Whew; Just a dream. Chris and Kyle will get a kick out of it for sure. Jane will be ticked if I forget about our plans tonight. I’d better hurry up or I’ll be late.

(MATT gets up and gathers his things. He heads for the exit but stops short.)


Wait a minute. Who the hell are they?

Curtain close.

Andrew Felson

Holiday Dinner at Alice’s Restaurant

May 5, 2014

*Written by Rebel40000, Outlaw88 & Briansfox* 

*Note:  Briansfox is from the MM team Red Alert*


Narrator: It’s a peaceful day at Red Alert HQ. The birds are singing, the sun is shining, and everything is nice and quiet…

Flame Hyenard: *off-key* Deck the halls with balls of holly! Fa la la la la, la la la la!

Narrator: Never mind…

Vanishing Gungaroo: Damn it, Anubis! Do you have to be so loud?

Hyenard: Hey, ’tis the season to be jolly! Cut me some slack!

Tornado Tonion: *spins a dreidel* Cool it, both of you. *gets a gimmal* Yes!

Ride Boarski: *sighs* I’ll never get used to this game.

Tornado: It just takes a little practice.

Snipe Anteater: Alright, everyone! Listen up! *everyone drops what they’re doing* I’ve got some good news.

Wind Crowrang: We’re opening our presants early?

Snipe: No…

Hyenard: We’re going to deck more halls with–

Snipe: *interrupting Hyenard* No…

Ride: Oh, oh! I know! I joined the team!

Snipe: THAT WAS IN OUR LAST EPILOUGE! Oy vey! *tries to regain composure*

Tornado: So, what’s the good news?

Snipe: We have a new addition to our team! Call it Nathan’s early Christmas present.

Gungaroo: Great, another gross, disgusting, rude–

*Splash Warfly walks in with Flames Delvar*

Splash Warfly: I’d like you all to meet our new Soldier Stonekong, Ms. Flames Delvar!

Delvar: Hiya, all! ^^

Gungaroo: Oh, a girl… *sweat drop* Never mind then…

Delvar: Where should I change into my Soldier Stonekong armour?

Splash: Allow me to show you.

Gungaroo: *under her breath* Pervert…

Splash: Pardon?

Gungaroo: Never mind.

Splash: *shrugs*

Snipe: Anyway, time for some more news. To celebrate our new addition, I’m going to give the team my present early.

Tornado: What would that be?

Snipe: *starts humming a little tune*

Tornado: You’re kidding! How did you get reservations?

Soldier Stonekong: *coming out of the changing room* What do you mean?

Tornado: We’re going to Alice’s Restaurant!

Snipe: And that’s not all! I’ve also invited the C:IA to hang with us!

Splash: Does Rebel know about this?

Snipe: I could have sworn I sent him that card…

Hyenard: Oh, that was a card? I thought it was a star for the tree…

Snipe: *eye twitches*

Hyenard: Crap…

Snipe: *while chasing Hyenard* I’LL FREAKING KILL YOU!


Wind: Morons. *nabs the card off of the tree and mails it*

Snipe: *while strangling Hyenard* Thanks, Greyring. *releases Hyenard*

Soldier: Is it always like this?

Splash: No, not always.

Snipe: Yeah, I just got wound up a bit.

Hyenard: Wound up? You snapped!

Soldier: What kind of food does Alice’s Restaurant have anyway?

Tornado: Oh no…

Snipe: You mean you don’t know? Alright, I’ll tell you.

Tornado: Here it comes…

Snipe: *singing* You can get anything you want, at Alices Restaurant (except Alice).
You can get anything you want, at Alice’s Restaurant.
Walk right in, it’s around the back,
Just a half a mile from the railroad track,
You can get anything you want, at Alice’s Restaurant.

Hyenard, Soldier, Splash, Ride, Wind, Gungaroo: 0_0

Soldier: You have to admit, he does have a good voice.

Tornado: Yeah, but that song is so annoying!

Snipe: Hey, this song is keeping me out of Sigma’s draft!

*Cue flashback*

Vile: Mr. Anteater, you’re next.

Snipe: *walks in, and sits down* Vile… *sings* You can get anything you want at Alice’s Restaurant. *gets up and walks out*

Vile: Clearly insane. We shouldn’t take him. Next!

*End flashback*

Tornado: Point taken.

*Ding dong*

Ride: I’ll get it. *opens the door to reveal the C:IA*

Magna Centipede: Hey guys. We got your invitation.

Snipe: That was quick…

Narrator: Holy jalopeños! The first cross-over of Red Alert and the C:IA? I hope this ends well. Will it, or will the authors mess up so much that–

Snipe: Hey, I don’t pay you to insult me and Rebel!

Narrator: Um… you don’t really pay me at all…

Snipe: Oh, forget it! *walks away*

Narrator: *ahem* Anyway, back to the story…

Snipe: So… before we all go… what’s up with you guys?

Magna: Oh, you know. The usual. Stuff.

Snipe: Like…?

Bubble Crab: I farted and blew up the house!

Red Alert: …

Wheel Gator: Funny on how radioactive kittens are so sensitive to stuff like that.

Hyenard: NOOO NOT THE KITTY!! *cries*

Magna: …Thought my team had problems.

Morph Moth: Rebel, you shouldn’t even start trying to make yourself look sane.

Magna: *Hisses*

Snipe: Oh, who the heck cares anymore? Let’s go!

Flame Stag: Where were we going again?

Snipe: Why, we were going to go to… *lights shine on him*

You can get anything you–

Tornado: No!! Stop that! No more singing!

Snipe: But–

Everyone else: NO MORE.

Snipe: Hmph. Fine. You guys don’t know what you’re missing, though.

Gungaroo: Will you guys just hurry it up already?! I swear!

Bubble: I CALL SHOTGUN!! *runs into a wall*

Morph: *Picks up Crab and sighs* I take it you’ve all got your own uber-cool vehicle?

Ride: *Giggles*

Morph: …I take it you want to ride with us?

Splash: Please and thank you.

Ride: Aw…

*And so Red Alert join the Island Attackers in there gangsta ghetto bus of oxymorons and ride off to Alice’s Restaurant. When they finally get there…*

Flame: Now what do we do?

Overdrive Ostrich: Um… we enter through the front door?

Snipe: That’s stupid. When it comes to Alice’s Resteraunt… Oh, Alice’s Resturaunt… *lights shine*


Tornado: PLEASE STOP IT!!!

Snipe: …Right. When you’re as famous as me when it comes to this resturaunt, you go and sneak in through the back window, located on the twenty-third floor.

Soldier: There are only two floors.

Snipe: They’re invisible!

Wind: I can fly, but not even I am going to attempt in seeing if you are correct.

Morph: Same.

Splash: What he said.

Snipe: But I’m the leader. T_T

Magna: Boy, you guys better be glad that I’m not the leader, then. If I got that kind of defiancy, you’d all get one thousand lashes! Mwahahahahahah!!

Morph: And just who would do the lashings, Rebel?

Magna: Oh, I’d just bribe Majin with some beer…


Magna: Exactly!

Red Alert: *Shudders*

Snipe: C’mon guys, let’s go with my plan! After all, Rebel completely agrees with me. Don’t you, Rebel?

Magna: Yep. After all, it is located on page 1463, paragraph 2, sentence 4, of the “Megaman Team Leaders Rule Booklet”… “All team members shall listen to their leader, no matter how stupid, retarded, and/or completely insane his/her plan may sound.”

Morph: Ugh… I should have thrown that book away.

Magna: Well you DIDN’T. So there for we are following HIS PLAN. Because I SAID so. So let’s GO.

*And so the three flyers of the two teams (Moth, Wind, and Splash) all take off to the skies, while Magna simply walks up the side of the steel building. Everyone else finds that they must climb up the hard way.*


Wheel: *Biting ledges into the wall* Oh come on, it isn’t that bad.

Tornado: *falls and hits Outlaw, sending them both to the bottom*

Bubble: Yay, falling! *falls*

Crystal Snail: *Still trying to climb* Man… I should have taken the stairs… *falls asleep and hits Hyenard*

Hyenard: *Falls and hits Overdrive*

Overdrive: *Falls into an open manhole* Help?

*After many hours of grueling torture, the two teams finally manage to make it the rooftop*

Snipe: And we’re here!

Magna: Arr, that we be, me mate.

Wind: That’s great and all, but where exactly is the entrance?

Snipe: Oh, you big silly. It’s obvious we blow a hole through the roof to snag the delicious food of Alice’s Restaurant.

Hyenard, Soldier, Splash, Ride, Wind, Gungaroo, Tornado, Wheel, Crystal, Bubble, Flame, Morph, and Wire: What?!

Snipe: Oh, come on! It’s all a part of my plan! Right, Rebel?

Magna: *Nods furiously*

Morph: This is ridiculous. Rules or not, we are not doing this. I mean, who in their right mind would actually want to–

Wheel: Me.

Morph: Shut up. Besides, no has any powers to blow stuff up–

Magna: I do.

Morph: No you don’t. Now be quiet.

Wire: *Whips Moth*

Morph: Ow, hey! What was that for?


Magna: *Blows a hole open* C’mon, let’s get going! LET’S EAT EAT EAT!!

Narrator: And so, the Island Attackers and the Red Alert start their havoc on poor Alice’s Restaurant. Just what will happen next? Will they get fed? And what about me? Is the narrator always going to get some half-bit job?! TELL ME!!! *gets looked at* Er, and what about Overdrive, who is still stuck in a manhole?

Overdrive: I can’t feel my legs.

Narrator: Find out out next time… Wait, that next time is now! Never mind… So yeah, where was I? I don’t think we’re even close to the script. Screw it, let’s just keep going!

Snipe: Yeah!

Narrator: Once inside Alice’s Restaurant they find that it is empty and looks like it has been closed for many years.

Tornado: We nearly broke our necks to come to this dump?! I thought you said it was the best place ever?

Morph: I agree this is the stupidest thing ever.

Snipe: Hahaha, relax guys. Have we ever steered you wrong?

Magna: Don’t answer that or it will be lashes for everyone!


Snipe: Food this good isn’t just given to anyone! This is just a cover; the real Alice’s is further in.

Splash: Doesn’t that seem kind of stupid to have a business hidden then? How would they make money?

Magna: Oh you just don’t get how sophisticated this is. See, having it hidden like this will keep the rabid hobo away.

Wind: The what?

Flame: Don’t ask. The less you know, the better.



Strange Hobo: Ohhhohhhohhh a talking manhole. You be my new pet.

Overdrive: GET ME OUT OF HERE!!!!


Soldier: *Hears Overdrive scream like a little girl* Hold on a sec.

*Stonekong goes out and rips up the street, grabs Overdrive, and brings him back in*

Overdrive: Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Magna: Right, now that everyone is here, it’s time to get that food!

Morph: How about we just go somewhere else?

Gungaroo: I’d be cool with that.

Wheel: I say we keep going. After all it says right here on the–*snatches the book from Magna, flips to the back of the book and turns around for a minute*–last page that, “Any mission involving food is a good mission”.

Morph: Let me see that. You wrote this in crayon!

Snipe: And a fine rule it is! Onward!

Bubble: Yay uncertian doom!


Snipe: Here’s our table…

Tornado: Wait, something’s wrong…

*At the table, another Snipe Anteater and another Magna Centipede are sitting there*

Snipe #2: Hey, guys! Why did you go over the cliff when the easier way is around the back?

Tornado: Le huh?

Snipe #1: Damn, they blew our cover.

Flame: What cover?

Magna #1: Uh, nothing!

Magna #2: Hey, Delvar! I didn’t know you were Soldier Stonekong! Sergal from Cossack’s Comrades told me all about you.

Soldier: He did? Oh my… *blushes*

Magna #1: Wait, what’s Cossack’s Comrades again?

Splash: Hold on, these two are fakers! No wonder they made us suffer!

Morph: Gee, you found that out without using your detective kit.

Snipe #2: Let’s see who our fakers are.

*Snipe Anteater #1 and Magna Centipede #1 turn out to be Serges and Quint X*

Snipe, Magna, and Wheel: Son of a pregnant dog!

Quint X: That’s right, fools! If the cliff didn’t kill you, we were going to right here! You fell for it hook, line, and stinker!

Serges: Violen, Agile! We’ve got work to you.

Violen: Yes, sir!

Agile: Yes, sir!

Quint X: And this was my briliant plan.

Serges: Our briliant plan, you mean.

Bubble: Yay! Time to rock and roll!

Overdrive: *runs up panting* Wait for me! *runs into Agile*

Agile: Ow! You little…

Quint X: Jobin! Let’s do this. *takes out his Sakugarne*

Snipe: Wait, you’re pogo stick is named Jobin? Why?

Quint X: Because Sakugarne doesn’t really sound good in conversation.

Jobin: Just ignore him. That’s what I do.

Snipe: Well, I guess our new gal could use some target practice.

Magna: *leers* I never knew that you would stoop so low…

Quint X: Enough with the babbling! Let’s fight!

Jobin: Not in my ear…


Soldier: *pulls out her massive sword* Yes, lets!

Morph: This is beyond all reasoning…

Splash: Who the heck cares at this point?

Morph: Fans…

Magna: *whacks Moth* Shut your trap, Void! We’ve got work to do! CIA… ATTACK!!!

Snipe: Yeah! Go Red Alert!

X-Hunters, Quint X and Jobin: *charges* YAH!!!

Mr. Referee: *wearing a waiters outfit* STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP!!!

Everyone else: Huh?

Mr. Referee: I am Mr. Referee, and I hearby declare the rules!

Violen: Rules?

Mr. Referee: Listen well! Only one fighter from each opposing side shall represent his or her’s group! The two combatants shall then fight until one of them is no longer capable of continuing on! The winner shall then receive a free $1,000 coupon to Alice’s Resteraunt, and the loser shall sit in a corner and cry! Are there any objections?

Wheel: *Raises a hand*

Mr. Referee: Yes?

Wheel: Will there be any food served during this fight?

Mr. Referee: There is a buffet.

Wheel: Sweet. *runs off*

Mr. Referee: Now, who shall fight? Choose quickly, for I have a manicure in an hour.

*And so the two sides go into heavy debate*

Hyenard: So, who shall it be?

Magna: In the power vested in me, I hearby declare that I, Rebel40000… shall definitely not participate.

Bubble: Yay!

Gungaroo: Ugh, you are so shallow.

Magna: Pfft, Outlaw had the right idea when he flew the coop.

Wind: Well, I’ll have you all know that I would be glad to put my life on the line to protect the honor of both Red Alert and the CIA.

Tornado: Why, Greyring, that is the most–

Magna: LIAR.

Tornado: Rebel!


Morph: *Drags a screaming Magna away*

Snipe: As much as I appreciate Crowrang’s offer, I do not want any casualties among the Red Alert. Of course, I suppose I couldn’t say the same for the CIA, now could I?

Wire: YAYZ.

Mr. Referee: Time is running out!

Gungaroo: We need to choose, fast!

Crystal: Zzz… You… you can get… anything…

Snipe: *A light shines on him*

Everyone else: WE CHOOSE HIM!!

Mr. Referee: Excellent! The ugly bunch in the corner have chosen Jobin.

Snipe: …Just Jobin?

Jobin: *On the ground* ‘Sup.

Quint X: Fear the power of Jobin!

Wheel: *At a table full of junk* YOU CAN DO IT!! *whistles*

Mr. Referee: Fighters all set? ROLL BATTLE!!

Snipe: Hah, it’s only Jobin. What harm could there possibly be?

Jobin: *Blows up*

Snipe: !@#$. *gets sent flying* AAHHHHHHHHHHHHH SAVE ME!!! *hits a bus boy*

Bus Boy: Tip?

Snipe: Burn in Hell.

Quint X: No, Jobin! *grabs Jobin’s remains* What happened to you? Where did I go wrong?!

Mr. Referee: Since Jobin has been destroyed and Snipe Anteater has clearly been thrown out of the boundary limit, that makes this match a tie! Therefore, everyone shall sit in the corner and cry!

Magna: …But what about the free coupon?

Mr. Referee: I suppose I’ll keep it. *prances off*

Narrator: And so a diabolical battle had just ended, and the REFEREE of all people won. What shall happen next? Oooh, my skin tingles with excitement as I reveal it all to you now..

Serges: Ooookaaaaaay, that was a tad strange.

Quint X: *Sobbing*

Violen: And I thought I had problems.

Agile: Forget about him for now guys, it’s time to break out the big guns!

*The X-Hunters get into full battle mode, with Agile all hyped up this time with two swords, Serges on his platform with additional firepower and Violen having all guns and weapons ready*

Morph: This is new.

Magna: *At the buffet with Gator* It’s nothing we–we as in the rest of you–can’t handle.

Splash: Gee, thanks for the support.

Snipe: *Runs over to the buffet too* Save me some!!!! Wow, Gator not only ate what’s on this table, but now he’s eating the table itself! Good thing there are so many tables left.

Soldier: Don’t you ever get full?

Wheel: Nope. I’m a certified eating machine. I have a plaque to prove it. *Shows them his left arm*

Hyenard: That’s a tattoo of Spider-Man!

Wheel: Whoops, wrong arm. Heh, funny story ’bout that tat. Me and Majin went out and got real drunk and got them. I have the better since he got a Hello Kitty tat on his butt.

Wire: Hehehehe… I did what now?!

Gungaroo: All this talk is starting to hurt my head, I’m gonna go eat now.

Serges: Aren’t you forgetting about us?

*The X-Hunters blast all the remaining buffet tables. Magna, Snipe, Gator and all the rest who had been going over for food have now become furious*

Magna: C:IA!

Snipe: Red Alert!

Magna and Snipe: KICK THEIR ASSES!!!!!!!!

Soldier: Let me handle this. I’m not going to let this holiday celebration be ruined by these jerk-offs!

Quint X: *with sarcasm* Oh, the n00bish girl is going to kill us! I’m so scared!

Serges: Yeah, what are you going to do? Ask us to die?

*Soldier Stonekong’s sword starts to glow*

Magna: I don’t think Soldier Stonekong was able to do that in the game…

Splash: He wasn’t. Delvar’s just a big fan of the Legend of Zelda.

Magna: Oh.

Soldier: Eat this! *preforms Link’s Spin Attack, knocking all of her attackers back*

Quint X: Ow…

Serges: Hey, my buster’s damaged!

Agile: So is my sword!

Violen: I don’t know how she’s doing it, but I think she’s god-modding!

Splash: Oh, did I forget to mention that she’s friends with Odin?

Morph: So I see. 0_0

Snipe: Good catch there, Warfly. She’s a keeper.

Magna: I so envy you.

*Suddenly, Deku Nuts begin to fall from the ceiling*

Violen: Ah! My mechanized armour! It can’t move!

Quint X: Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow!

Serges: Men, retreat!

Quint X: So much for your briliant plan!

Serges: Hey, you were the one that screwed up!

*The two continue to argue as they run out of the restaurant*

Snipe: Nice work, Stonekong. Well, now that we got those idiots out of the way, let’s eat!

*At their table*

Tornado: Wait, why is it that they hand out computer card menus?

Snipe: Because if they handed out regular menus, they would be 10,000 pages thick.

Everyone else: 0_0

Snipe: I told you that you could get anything you want. Hey, Alice! Latkas and roasted chestnuts all around! We’re going to have a holiday feast like you’ve never seen before!

*Suddnely, a holiday bomb drops from the ceiling*

Crystal: Crap, crap, crap!

Tornado: Look at the size of it! It’s huge!

Splash: I could try to douse it with some water.

Bubble: I can shoot bubbles at it too.

Magna: *hiding behind Morph* Do something!

*Just then Inspector Gadget shows up*

Gadget: Not to worry, this is a special “holiday bomb”!

Everyone: A what?

Gadget: Just watch.

*The bomb blows up, but instead of firey death, it shoots out snow and confetti and who should appear out of all that mess? Why good old ST. Nick of course, flanked by the Hebrew Hammer*

Gungaroo: Santa?

Santa: Ho Ho Ho! Merry Christmas!

Hebrew Hammer: And Happy Hanukkah!

Morph: What are you guys doing here?

Wind: To give us presents?

Santa: Hell no, we’re here to eat of course!

Hammer: Alice has the best food in the world.

Snipe: Of course she does. You– *gets tackled by everybody in the room*

Magna: So… um… We get presents this year right?

Wire: Did you get the letter I sent?

Santa: Yes and yes, though it was hard to read. You should really try to write when you are sober.

Wheel: Like that happens often.

Flame: *Humming Inspector Gadget theme song*

Tornado: Why are you both together?

Hammer: Well, for one we are good friends. Secondly, this year for whatever reason the first day of Hanukkah is on Christmas day!

Santa: And we have Gadget here as a guard this year because we are in danger. Someone is trying to steal Christmas and all other holidays.

Snipe: NO! Who would do such a horrible thing?!

Wheel: The Grinch maybe?

Gadget: Worse than him, far worse.

Morph: Oh, no. It can’t be!

Soldier: What? Who?

Hammer: Trump.


Tornado: Wait, is that true?

Trump: *walks in* You two weren’t supposed to tell them! You’re both fired!

Overdrive: But you can’t fire them, they’re the symbols of the holiday season!

Trump: Just for that, the lot of you are getting hanged!

*Nooses hang down from the rafters*

Trump: Who’s first?

Snipe: *raises hand* Hi. I don’t know how this whole “hanging” buisness works.

Trump: What do you mean you don’t know? Alright, fine. Just mimic me.

Snipe: *shrugs* Alright then.

Trump: First, you stand here like this…

Snipe: Stand here like this… *mimics Trump*

Trump: And then, you put your head into the noose. *does so*

Snipe: Pull the rope. *does so*

Trump: *half-choking* Hey, no fair! You cheated!

Snipe: Mr. Trump, the Master of Mind Games never cheats. I only observe and deduce. *turns to Magna Centipiede* Rebel, he’s all yours.

Santa: So, we’re not fired anymore?

Wheel: No.

Hebrew Hammer and Santa: WHOO-HOO!

*Santa and the Hebrew Hammer then get in Santa’s pimped out ride and take off into the night*

Morph: There they go; I hope everything turns out ok. You know, like no one fires any missiles at them.

Magna: There you go again bringing everyone down! Geeze, what are you? Strong Sad?

Snipe: *Drinking Eggnog* I’d say this little get together was a big hit.

Tornado: I’m just glad we got out of all this relatively unharmed.

Bubble: What about the presents?!

Wind: I wonder if I got that hotwheel set I wanted?

Soldier: I guess it’s time to go.

Wire: Elves scare me.

Wheel: I just remembered what we needed to do!

Crystal: Whazzat?

Gungaroo: It isn’t anything painful is it?

Flame: Or gross right?

Wheel: Nope. It’s time to end this thing with a big group shout out to all our peeps!

Magna and Snipe: Oh yeah!



Bubble: YAY!

The End

Trump’s Purchase

April 16, 2014

*Written by Shadowstrike*


*The story starts off in a boardroom in the Trump Taj Mahal, where Trump and two random unnamed and unimportant people sit, arguing over the evil millionaire’s recent purchase*

Random unimportant person #1: Sir, you cannot just buy them, they aren’t for sale.

Trump: You’re fired, really. I’m DONALD TRUMP, I can buy anything!

Random unimportant person #2: That’s true; he is Donald Trump.

Random unimportant person #1: But–

Trump: No buts. You’re fired. Again. The CIA is mine!

Narrator: At the Code: Island Attackers base, all is–*is shoved out of the way by PBX, closely followed by Rebel, who is pissed off*

Rebel: God damnit PBX, I can see the last cookie, but give me back my freakin’ Coca-Cola, NOW!

PBX: I got it first, you can have this! *tosses a can of Pepsi at Rebel that explodes in mid air from being shook to much*

Rebel: *is hit by the Pepsi* NO, IT BURNS!! I’M BEING MELTED BY ACID!!

GDT: Despite the fact that I would like to be the leader, dude, it’s just Pepsi.

Outlaw: Yeah, I’m going to go find something to eat… *walks away, out the door, but stops when he gets there*

Majin: That’s it, no more beer! Well, maybe just one more. *runs to the kitchen (or wherever they keep food and drinks) and goes to the fridge*

Void: Hey guys, look what I made–What the hell is Rebel doing?

Ghaleon: PBX took the last coke then threw a can of Pepsi at him, which I guess is like acid to him.

Deathtuna: *on the ceiling, fast asleep* Stupid Dynamo…

Outlaw: *at the door* Um, guys, it seems we got a summons notice.

Rebel: *wrestling with PBX for the drink* For what?

Outlaw: It, um, says here that we have to do community service at the Trump Taj Mahal for all the damage we have caused by fighting him.

PBX: WHAT?! TRUMP?! NO, I DON’T WANT TO GO!! *runs around crazily in a circle, even up a wall until he runs into the ceiling and is knocked unconscious*

Rebel: That was convenient.

*Twenty minutes later, the CIA walk into the Trump Taj Mahal (except for PBX, who was dragged)*

GDT: Who the heck was that guy anyways?

Rebel: Huh?

Void: I think he means the guy who randomly appeared in our base, which you got in the way of you and PBX with your morning chases.

Rebel: Oh, right, he’s our personal narrator.

GDT: …What?

Rebel: I bought a narrator to narrate stuff. Only problem is that we only have enough for him to narrate in our base.

GDT: And that’s useful… how?

Rebel: Details, details, GDT. Now, where do we–*falls through a hole*–gooooooooooooooooooooooo…

*All of the others members blink in surprise as holes appear beneath them, which they promptly fall through*

Rebel: *hits the ground and notices a fridge* Uh… where the hell am I?

Trump: *over intercom* Why Magna Centipede, didn’t you know that the notice was a scam? Now, I will torture you all. MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA! Your torture is very simple; all you have to do is drink all the Pepsi in that fridge.


Trump: Good, now do it.

Rebel: Nevar.

Trump: Fine, I like it this way better. *snaps fingers* *The wall opens up and a cannons pop out. Seconds later they lock on and begin firing*

Rebel: Bullets can’t hurt me! *gets hit* AH, PEPSI!! AH, IT BURNS!! *faints*

*In PBX’s chute*

PBX: Yay! *lands in Trump’s office* Wha??

Trump: You have the easiest torture. You will be my secretary.


Trump: Fine, have it your way. *a cage falls down and traps PBX, inside the cage, is a desk, a phone and a computer* Now, get to work!

PBX: *grabs the bars and gets shocked*

*In the one holding Outlaw*

Outlaw: WHEE! *lands in the room that has no doors, windows or anything but a few vents* Okay… now what?

Trump: Ah, Outlaw. I think this will be a fitting torture.

*The room starts to fill with water*

Outlaw: Okay, I’m an alligator. I can swim. *touches the water* What? No, not soap!

*Deathtuna lands in a room filled with strategy guides to every game he has ever played*

Deathtuna: Sweet.

Trump: Yes, you can use these… but first. *he activates a tractor beam, pulling the batteries out of his Gameboy* There, now you can use them.

Deathtuna: I’m glad I always have extra batteries. *searches* DAMN IT, THEY’RE IN MY OTHER SHELL!

*GDT falls and hits the ground*

Trump: GDT, your torture is simple. Michael?

Michael Jackson: Come on GDT…


*Ghaleon, Void and Majin’s chutes both end up in the same room, they land in three chairs, which shackle them to where they are and position their heads towards a large screen*

Ghaleon: This is different.

Void: I agree.

Majin: *not drunk* Huh?

*On the screen, Trump appears*

Trump: I didn’t know how to torture you three exactly, so I went with my normal torture. Goodbye. *gets replaced with a Pauly Shore dvd*

Void: We are going to die.

Ghaleon: Yes, we are.

Majin: No, the alcohol had to run out now of all times!

*The torturing of the CIA goes on for days, until…*

Trump: PBX? File this for me now!

PBX: GET AWAY FROM ME!! *gets shocked again*

*The door blows open, and in its wake are the CIA, minus PBX because he was already there and GDT because, well, no one wants to go to Michael Jackson’s house*

Rebel: *is severely burned* Hello, Trump, we’re here to leave. Our community service time is up.

Trump: That was a lie. I did that just to bring you all here to torture you!


Trump: I guess it is now time for the climatic end-of-story battle.

Ghaleon: Yep.

Trump: Fine. *a giant mech lands in front of him* I guess I should mention that the real CIA now belongs to me. They will terminate you for stealing their initials! Ah, I love a good payback.

Void: …I hate you Trump. That mech looks so cool.

Rebel: Oh, stuff it ya wuss.

*The battle begins. Trump takes off, while Void starts off by trying to web the mech up, but it breaks free. It then fires a laser beam at Ghaleon, but he jumps out off the way, and the wayward beam gets PBX out of his cage. Outlaw charges the mech, but it jumps out of the way, right onto PBX, smashing him. Trump then fires a couple of homing missiles at all of them. The team tries to avoid, but the missiles eventually catch up and explode on all of them and they are all thrown back to the far corner.*

Rebel: Damn it. With that armor, that thing is almost invincible. We have to get rid of it somehow!

PBX: Why don’t we try to throw him out the window?

Void: That might work. From this height, and any attacks we could hit him with on the way down, that might just break that armor. But how?

Ghaleon: I can try to make him move back to the window, and Rebel can wait there, hidden and waiting to ambush it.

Rebel: That could work, except everyone needs to attack. CIA, ATTACK!

*It starts. Rebel slips away and hides by the window, preparing to ambush. The other six try to attack to knock it back, but they have trouble. Outlaw then picks up PBX and throws him with his spikes out. This causes it to jump back to dodge. Before it can land, Ghaleon jump kicks him, causing it land right in front of the window. Rebel, knowing it was time, tosses a Magnet Mine at the legs, causing them to malfunction, and fall out the window. In a last ditch attempt, the mech uses a grapple beam to grab them all and drag them down with him. However, the pilot within cannot dodge the barrage of attacks. When they hit the ground, the mech is destroyed*

Trump: *from the building* Fine, you’ve won today. But I will win next time. NEXT TIME!!

Void: We did it!

Ghaleon: But we lost GDT.

Outlaw: Looks like we need a new Overdrive.

Rebel: *points the mech pilot* You.

Pilot: Me?

Outlaw: Couldn’t be.

Deathtuna: Then who…?

Rebel: …Do you have any experiences with teams?

Pilot: Well, My grandfather was Turboman of the Drastic Measures, so, uh–

Rebel: Grab him.

Narrator: At their base, after laughing at the screams the person made when he was given the ability to turn into Overdrive Ostrich, the team is relaxing…

Outlaw: Newbie, what’s your name, anyway?

Pilot: Shadowstrike…

Void: Whatever newbie–Wait, where did he go?

Shadowstrike: *walks out of the kitchen holding a can of coke* Sweet, the last one!

Rebel: You sonnaofabitch.

Narrator: Rebel starts to beat the living daylights out of Shadowstrike!

Shadowstrike: Master of the damn obvious.

The End

???: Heheheh… And so Donald Trump has also failed. Although he was able to eliminate GDT, it didn’t even matter… Soon, verrry soon… The CIA… shall be DEFEATED!!

Game Over

April 1, 2014

*Written by Rebel4000*

*It was yet another typical morning at the Island Attackers island base… and the action just so happened to be in the living room*

Outlaw: Man, I love this show.

GDT: The tv isn’t even on you idiot.

Outlaw: Exactly.

GDT: …I am surrounded by morons. Speaking of which, where’s our “fearless leader?”

Void: Haven’t seen him for a few days now; hope he’s all right.

Outlaw: Hey, you know what we need for watching movies?

GDT: Outlaw, the tv is off.

Outlaw: We need some good old fashion home cookin’! I’ll be right back.

GDT: Oh no you don’t!! *tackles Outlaw*

Majin: *Walks in, sits down and turns the tv on* Burp.

TV Announcer: We interrupt this program for an important news flash. CRAZY REPLOIDS ARE DESTROYING EVERYTHING IT’S A DISASTOR OMGWTFBBQ. Thank you for your time.

Majin: *Turns the tv off, stands up and walks out* Burp.

Void: …Well that was random.

Ghaleon: So what do you make of that tv announcement?

Void: Nothing much. Reploids go crazy all of time. I’m sure X, Zero and what’s-his-face will save the day anyway.

GDT: Not the usual “Let’s go save the city!” speech?

Void: Not really.

Outlaw: Yay.

GDT: Shut up, that’s PBX’s line! *kicks Outlaw* Speaking of which I haven’t seen him much either.

Ghaleon: If it wasn’t for Majin it would be really boring here.

Deathtuna: Peanut butter… Zzz…

*They all stand still for a few seconds until the wind blows*

Void: I’m gonna have to fix that window. Well, I guess we should do something to let the time pass, so let’s just go and save everyone from terror and hopefully we’ll get some recognition.

*And so the CIA hop into their special van and take off to the city. When they get out they see the entire place is not destroyed but deserted.*

Void: Hello? Hello…? Hello…

GDT: Void, why are saying hello over and over again?

Void: It’s supposed to be an echo. It was supposed to add on to the whole ‘mysteriousness.’

GDT: Well stop it. It’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.

Ghaleon: So what do we do now?

Void: We find the culprits behind all of this mess. I suggest that you, Outlaw and Tuna go to the south, while Majin, GDT and myself head north.

Outlaw: Sounds good to me, see you all later.

Majin: Bye frenz!!

*And so the Island Attackers split up. Outlaw, Ghaleon and Tuna all go with one another, until they go into a dark alley.*

Outlaw: Ooh… spooky.

Ghaleon: Stop, this is freaky enough as it is. I swear it’s only ten in the morning yet it’s getting darker and darker.

Deathtuna: Oh, so I’m not the only one… *bumps into someone* Huh? Whozzat?

Serges: Boo.

Deathtuna: Hi.

Serges: No, no, no. You’re supposed to scream now.


*Majin, GDT and Void head to the north, going into city hall for exploration*

Majin: I’m a little teabag, short and baggy, here is by bag! *Throws a purse at GDT*

GDT: *Get clunked on the head* Jesus, what the Hell is in that thing?

Majin: TEABAGS!!

GDT: Whatever… so what are we doing here again?

Void: We need to find out who’s behind all of this. Since City Hall is one of the first places anyone who wants to destroy would attack first, it would be the best place to start by checking the security cameras.

GDT: Oh my God.

Void: What?

GDT: *Sarcastic* That is such a brilliant idea, Void! I mean, heaven forbid that the villain would actually let himself be filmed while committing such horrible crimes of absolutely nothing!

Majin: Silly moth, gdt is for kids. *munches on a dog biscuit*

Void: …

GDT: Seriously, I thought crazy Reploids were destroying everything. The only “crime” I’ve seen is that everyone and their grandma has disappeared.

Void: And that doesn’t raise suspicion?

GDT: Not at all.

Majin: Who am I again?

??? #1: Your mom!

Majin: Oh… *passes out*

Void: Who said that?

??? #2: Quiet you idiot!

??? #1: But I don’t wanna!

GDT: …Great. They just had to be here.

??? #2: Uh… no! This is all just a dream… Whoo~!

Void: *opens a door to find Agile and Violen*

Agile: Oh crap.


Violen: Onoes run away!

*Quickly transforming, GDT fires a couple of slicers at the X-Hunters, which Violen responds to by knocking down the wall in back and taking off, followed by Agile who was a shaken by the events. Void, grabbing Majin, follows suit and transforms and the two chase after the criminals. They continue to run/fly until they see the two stop in front of a building with Serges and the rest of the members there.*

Outlaw: Hey guys.

Void: What’s going on?

Ghaleon: Oh, you see, we ran into Serges and then we chased after him until we ended up here. We’re still trying to understand what’s going on though.

Serges: Heh heh, all in good time, all in good time. First we’ve got something we need to show you! Violen, bring it out!

Violen: ‘Kayo! *pulls out a blanket* Here ya go buddy.

Serges: *Smacks Violen* Stupid, stupid, stupid! The thing that was under the blanket!

Violen: Ow… okay. *drags PBX out*

PBX: Hi guys!

Void: You captured PBX?

Serges: Yes! And with his capture will mark the beginning of your demise!

GDT: Not like we care. Rebel will probably just replace him if he dies.

Agile: *Grins* But where is Rebel?

Void, GDT, Deathtuna, Ghaleon, Majin, PBX, and Outlaw: Uh…

Serges: Rebel is at some sort of convention dealing with business that he felt none of you would care about.

GDT: Bastard!

Ghaleon: Why wouldn’t he tell us about it?

Serges: …I just said that he felt none of you would care about it. Don’t you listen?

Deathtuna: Hey I listen…

Serges: And that’s why you should–hey, don’t fall asleep on me!

Void: What I don’t get is how you three would find this out.

Agile: We got info on it. Living on the streets can do that to you.

Violen: Word dawg.

Void: Please explain this info.

Agile: Sure. It seems like it was only yesterday… Actually, it was…

*Everything goes back in time, a few months back in fact, and the X-Hunters were in their latest base: a front-end loader.*


Violen: Waah! No, I wanna have the pizza!

Serges: Hmm…

Agile: TOO LATE!! *shoves the last slice in his mouth*

Violen: No… it can’t be… I want pizza…

Agile: Oh, get over it you big baby. There’s always next time.

Serges: Hmm…

Violen: Yeah, but, but, but! We never get pizza like that! Only the ones found in the garbage cans! This time we actually stole it! And I think you ate every slice, too!

Agile: What?! Are you accusing me of being greedy?

Violen: Yes–*sees saber*–I mean no.

Serges: HMM…

Agile: What do you keep on humming for?

Serges: Oh, nothing except that we’ve hit an all time low in villainy…

Agile: Eh?

Serges: It means we suck, Agile.

Agile and Violen: No!

Serges: Yes. As soon as we started picking fights with the Island Attackers we’ve been getting worse and worse… it’s only a matter of time before we hit rock bottom.

Violen: But I thought sleeping in a dumpster was rock bot–*sees saber*–I mean… yeah.

Serges: What happened to us? We’re the X-Hunters! We should be striking fear into the hearts of the innocent! Not getting peanuts thrown at us by little children!

???: That’s because you all suck ass!

X-Hunters: Huh?

Patches: The name is Patches o’ Houlihan, the greatest dodgeball player around, and I’m going to teach you idiots how to win!

Agile: That’s… great. But we’re not here to play dodgeball. We’re here to–

Patches: I know what you do! You go around getting peanuts thrown at you by little gay children, that’s what! Well, everyone knows that the same training for dodgeball is used in the same way for fighting.

Serges: Really now?

Patches: Yes, you ugly old pile of shit.

Serges: Say–

Patches: No time, we have to get you fags busy!

Violen: When do we start, mister?

Patches: We start tomorrow, and for Pete’s sake, lose some damn weight you pig.

Violen: *Cries*

*Day One*

Patches: Okay ladies, it goes like this: If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball. Or in your case a giant energy ball of mass destruction.

Agile: Wait… you’re not going to throw those things at us, are you?

Patches: No. I was going to do something else. *jams a wrench in Agile’s eye*

Agile: OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD!! *runs off a cliff*

Serges and Violen: *Sweats*

Patches: Stop looking over there all weird you faggots! He’s probably dead, but no one really gives a damn about him anyway.

Serges: *Raises hand* Uh, Patches sir? Do we really need this training?

Patches: Of course you do! I mean, do I ‘need’ to go and moon little girls?

Serges: Well, no…

Patches: Of course not. But I do it anyways because I like the sound they make when they see my wrinkled ass.

Serges: …Wait, come again?

*Day Five*

Patches: Today I’m going to go easy on you ladies since I think you’re doing a pretty good job so far.

Violen: Really?!

Patches: No. What, did you honestly think I’d let slackers like you guys get it easy? Now climb to the top of that skyscraper using your teeth in twenty minutes or I’ll start pelting wrenches at you.

Agile: Are you going to come with us?

Patches: Are you that stupid? I’m not the one who has to go from sucking ass to kicking ass! I’m taking the elevator.

Agile: Mother–*gets hit by a wrench*

*Day Thirty-Two*

Patches: If you can dodge traffic you can dodge a ball! *knocks Violen into the street*

Violen: *Gets hit by a truck*

Patches: Aw, what’s the matter? Do you want me to kiss your boo-boos?

Violen: Please?

Patches: Yeah right, fag. You’ll be lucky enough for Mr. Girly-Man to even look at you.

Agile: Hey! I–*gets hit by a bulldozer*

Serges: *runs away*

Patches: Get back here and let me throw you into that traffic!

*Day One Hundred and Twelve*

Violen: *Asleep* Zzz… ‘splainin’ to do… No, not fired…

Patches: *With a loudspeaker* WAKE UP IT’S TIME TO SMELL THE PAIN FATSO!!

Violen: *Cries*

*Day One Hundred and Forty-Five*

Patches: Well, I guess I should congratulate you all on a job well done…

Agile: Yeah… I guess we should say thanks… I guess…

Serges: *To Agile* Though I still think we’ll get our butts handed to us…

Patches: As long as you remember the training I gave you, you’ll be sure to beat those Island Attackers!

Agile: Wait, how do you know about the Island Attackers?

Patches: I know everything! Now stop asking me so many stupid questions!

Violen: But what about I Love Lucy…

Patches: Screw those dead people! Now for the game plan. Huddle!

X-Hunters: *Huddles around Patches*

Patches: *Whispers* Okay, so this is how it will go. Their leader, Rebel, left for a convention, and he won’t be coming back for a whole week, and they don’t even know about it! Since Girly-Man is weak against him, it would be a good chance to strike. Also, PBX will be coming to the city on that today to buy more cookies. Since he holds the slobs weakness, it would be a good idea to ambush and capture him.

Violen: Capture? Don’t we want to kill?

Patches: Of course not you retarded monkey! If you capture him you can use him like a shield. Now, next I will cause a riot to cause hell to break loose, thus making everyone in the city to evacuate. The CIA will be sure to come to investigate and that will be your chance to destroy them once and for all! Do you understand?!

X-Hunters: Sir, yes, sir!

Patches: Now, I’m going to be honest with you boys. If you somehow fuck this up you will more than likely be labeled the worst villains in history, and the chances of you ever making a comeback will be slim to none.

Agile: *Sighs* Of course. We’re used to that.

Patches: Good! Now get out their and win one for the team!

*Everything goes forward, until we see the Island Attackers and X-Hunters ready for battle*

Agile: And there you have it. Today we thought about it, and we realized that with some motivation we can win this!

GDT: Heh, aren’t you a little nervous Serges? After all, I’m still here and I can easily beat you.

Serges: Which is exactly why I am using your little crab friend as a shield. Would you honestly try and hurt him? Could even you go that low?

GDT: Guess we’ll just have to find out.

PBX: Yay!

Void: Crap. GDT, don’t hurt PBX! We need to somehow get him free, and then attack.

GDT: Oh come on! Look at him! Freaking metal was melted on to him make him a part of Serges floating platform! How are we going to get him free!?

Agile: Enough talk! Island Attackers… it is time to finally die!!

*Agile charges at GDT, hitting him in the gut with his saber and causing him to fly into a nearby building, knocking it down. Serges then pulls out a vast amount of weapons under his cloak and fires non stop at all of the members feets, making them jump. Violen takes this as a sign and swings his head forward, making the mace attached to his head to swing out and crash inbetween Ghaleon and Tuna, and then jerk it to the right to hit Ghal and knock him into Outlaw. Deciding not to waste time, Void flew behind Serges and inspects PBX’s current conditon.*

Void: Not good. It would take days to get him out of here. Weeks even.

PBX: Heehee! This metal tickles!

Serges: Hmm? *spots Void* Just what do you think you’re doing?

Void: Uh-oh.

Serges: *Jumps and rapid fires*

Void: *Flies out of the way*

Serges: Curses!


Serges: Yikes! *blocks with the shield* That’s pretty gutsy of you GDT. You could have hit PBX you know.

GDT: I don’t care! I’m here to just fight and beat you to a pulp!

*Taking off and full blast, GDT does a little hop and kicks the platform, causing both Serges and PBX to go crashing to the ground. Serges then gets up and pulls out an arm cannon and fires a laser, hitting GDT in the shoulder, making him stop and clutch it in pain. Violen, who wasn’t fighting anyone in particular, swings his mace at him and clobbers him upside the head.*

Violen: Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck!

GDT: Damn it…

Agile: Hah, good job team! you guys handle GDT and Void, and I’ll take care of the others…

Ghaleon: All by yourself?

Agile: Yes. I don’t see what the problem is in that.

Outlaw: Well, we do beat in people.

Agile: I don’t care! I’ll take you all on!

Deathtuna: Crystal Hunter!

Majin: Strike Chain!

Agile: *Dodges*

Outlaw: Spin Wheel!

Agile: Good God! *slices the wheel*

Ghaleon: I don’t really want to do this but… *gets in front of Agile and fires a Speed Burner*

Agile: AAAHHHHHHHHHHH MY FACE IS ON FIRE!!! *runs around screaming*

Violen: I’ll help you buddy! *swings mace into Ghaleon*

Ghaleon: Oof!

*The two sides continue battling, with neither side showing any signs of stopping. Then, in a last attempt, Agile and Serges whistle at Violen and they drop to the ground, and Violen swings his mace around and around, hitting all of the Island Attackers. The members fall, not being able to take the abuse of Violen’s mace any longer. When he stops, the X-Hunters gather around them, throwing PBX’s body on the pile.*

Agile: All to easy… to think we’ve been humiliated by the likes of you.

Serges: For not being able to exploit our weaknesses, you were no match for us. I have even proven that you can have a weakness and still win! Shows how great you fools really are.

GDT: *Growls* Serges… you…

Violen: Well, what should do now?

Agile: Now? Uh… I’m not sure.

Serges: …You aren’t? Are you really that stupid?

Agile: Well, we’ve never been in a winning position, now have we?!

Violen: Hey guys what are we going to do if Rebel comes back?

Agile and Serges: Who cares about that idiot!

Outlaw: I have to say that recently I’ve been finding ourselves in this position more than I’d like.

Agile: Quiet! I know what… to do! You will die… now… Ugh… I feel strange… *falls apart*

Serges: What the heck?! What just happened?

Void: …Now’s our chance!

GDT: Way ahead of ya! *hits Serges with a Sonic Slicer*

Serges: *Falls down* ARGH!! How did this happen?! Violen!

Violen: Right!

Void: *Lifts PBX up* Use your Bubble Splash!

PBX: Huh?

Majin: Make purty bubbles!

PBX: Bubbles are purty! *blows some at Violen*

Violen: No, not the bubbles! *cowers*

Serges: This is pathetic! Look at you! You’re a giant Reploid yet you’re scared of some–*gets knee’d* Ow… This… this isn’t fair… We were winning… *collapses*

GDT: And that is that. Hope you’re happy, loser. Now for Violen.

Violen: Nooo! I don’t wanna go back, I don’t wanna go back!

*Later, at the Island Attackers base*

Outlaw: What a boring day. The X-Hunters really need to get a life and stop trying to attack us.

GDT: I’ll say.

Ghaleon: Well, good news out of this I suppose is that we found out what happened to Rebel.

Majin: funi lady?

Ghaleon: Yes, the funny lady.

Majin: Hee. *farts*

Everyone else: God! *covers their noses*

Void: *Walking away* I need to go to the lab and get PBX out of that platform… glad that everything is back to normal though.

*Elsewhere, outside of Megalopolis, a figure is standing on a cliff by himself*

???: I must admit, if I hadn’t messed with Agile’s systems to breakdown at that set time, the X-Hunters probably could have defeated the Island Attackers. Since the X-Hunters have now lost yet again however, they will more than likely never return to the status that they had once worked so hard to achieve. And with them out of the way, it will only increase my chances of destroying the Island Attackers personally. Oh yes, this is just the first step in my plan… soon the world shall know me by one name, and tremble in fear by it… Heh heh heh… hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah!!

The End

TV Turmoil pt. 1

March 4, 2014

*Written by Outlaw88 (me)*

*We join our hero’s relaxing in front of their small TV after a hard days work. Lots of repairs had to be done to their base after the last “cookie battle.” Magna, Overdrive, Moth, Flame, and Sponge are sitting on the couch. Crab is behind it and Snail is on top of the TV*

Snail: Is it working?

Overdrive: A little more to the left. No, your other left.

Snail: Remind me why I’m doing this.

Flame: You get better reception with your antenna.

Sponge: You sure are eating a lot of snacks there Magna.

Magna: I’m trying to *munch* spoil my appetite.

Moth: Why?

Magna: Because it’s Gator’s turn to cook tonight.

Everyone else: IT IS?!

Flame: Hey pass me some chips!

Overdrive: Popcorn, NOW!

Moth: Pass those my way!

Sponge: Fill me up on those sodas!

*They all pass around the various snacks*

Overdrive: Damnit, Snail fell asleep on the TV again.

Magna: Nothing good on anyway. All the stations look the same. *Flips through channels that show identical pictures*

Flame: Hey, they are the same! What is that?

Magna: Well I was watching re-runs of “I Love Lucy” when this annoying multi-colored screen came on.

Crab: Whoooo! This watch thing is so much fun!

Moth: Don’t play with that, it’s not a toy.

Crab: Now I’m Crab!

PBX: Now I’m not!

Crab: Now I’m Crab!

PBX: Now I’m not!

Crab: This

PBX: is

Crab: so

PBX: much

Crab: fun!!!

Crab/PBX: Yay! Hahahahahahahahah!!

Overdrive: Are you sure we can’t turn him off?

Sponge: We’ve tried. Trust me on that one.

Magna: Shh, the TV is going again.

*They all pay attention except for Snail*

TV Announcer: Attention viewers of the world! Are you ready for drama? Are you ready for action? Do you have the attention span of jello? Then you’ll love… THE APPRENTICE OF DOOM! All Trump all the time no matter where you go. And now the man himself has something to say.

Trump: Hello. For those of you who don’t know me I’m the boss of everything, Donald Trump. I have taken over every TV station in the world for my own enjoyment. I didn’t bother going after radio since most of you are too dumb to use it. My plan of global conquest has only begun! I’m a busy man so I’ll return you to your new programming and since most of you are brain-dead morons, it will consist of a picture of me for the next three weeks. Enjoy or be destroyed!

*The C:IA sit in stunned silence until…*

Crab: AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

*Crab fires his weapon at the TV making it explode. Snail is thrown into air only to land on the couch, still asleep and unharmed*

Magna: Why the hell did you do that?!

Crab: Trump! Trump on TV! Must stop!

Overdrive: You could have just turned it off you know.

Sponge: This is a serious problem, though. All of the TV stations?

Flame: We need to do something.

Moth: Yeah Magna. You’re the leader, what do you want to do?

Magna: Nothing. Let’s just stay here and maybe things will turn out OK.

*Just then Gator emerges from the kitchen holding a large steaming pot*

Gator: Dinner’s ready.

Magna: On second thought, let’s go.

Flame: To stop…


Gator: You’re going out? But I cooked my specialty, “Sewer Surprise.”

Moth: (Nobody say it, nobody say it, nobody say it…)

Crab: What’s the surprise?

*Moth slaps his forehead*

Gator: I have no idea what’s in it! That’s not the only surprise either, I got…

Overdrive: We can’t stay right now we… uhh.. Have to go get a new TV!

Gator: But I…

Sponge: We have a few errands to run too.

Gator: OK then. I can bring this on the van and–

Flame: NO! Uh, I mean that would spoil it. Besides we had a big lunch and we’re not that hungry.

Magna: Don’t worry about it. You go ahead and enjoy whatever it is that you made. We’ll be back later.

Gator: At least take this with you in case you get hungry. *Scoops some of the stew into a Tupperware container and hands it to Moth*

Moth: Eww… I mean thanks. *Puts it in pocket*

Crab: Bye fang-face!

*They rush out before Gator can say anything else*

Gator: And all that time I took to find stuff for it. Now I can’t share it.

Snail: Zzzzzz…Smell..ZzzzzZzz

Gator: Or maybe not! Hey Snail, you’ll love this…

*In the incredible van of the C:IA*

Overdrive: Whew, we got out of there just in time.

Flame: I’ll say. Who knows what you could get eating that stuff. I think I saw it move.

Moth: Now what?

Crab: We have to stop Trump!

Magna: Why should we? He’s not hurting anyone, just boring them to death.

Moth: I can’t believe I’m saying this, but Crab is right. As hero’s we must stop Trump’s evil plan.

Sponge: Of Doom!

Flame: Doom?

Overdrive: Doom.

Magna: Stop that! Do you guys think we can just waltz into his TV station, filled with guards and other horrors, all probably lurking inside a storage room where they keep spare TV sets? Spare TV sets?! We could score a new TV!

Moth: Uh.. Sure if we have the time.

Magna: To Trump Station!

Sponge: Where is that anyway?

Flame: It’s in “Trumptopia” a few miles away.

Crab: Trumptopia?! Please tell me this is a nightmare!

Overdrive: How can this be a nightmare if you don’t sleep?

Crab: Oh yeah, I forgot.

Magna: OK there it is. Any plans on getting in there?

Moth: I’ve got one. Lets change into our alter ego’s, Trump’s guards won’t know it’s really us. We can then join the tour group.

Sponge: Once we’re inside what then?

Moth: We have to shut down his transmission and restore all the other stations, then destroy all of his stuff.

Overdrive: He’s rich you know, he can just buy more. What’s the point of that?

Moth: It will be both gratifying and fun. Then we will confront Trump to help Crab get over his phobia, and finally we bring Trump to justice.

Magna: And score a free TV!

Moth: …And score a free TV.

Crab: Yay plan! It’s good except for the confronting part. He’s too scary.

Magna: Alright everybody, transform and let’s get this show on the road.

*Void lands the van a few blocks away*

Rebel: There’s the tour, let’s go join it.

GDT: *Sarcastically* Oh this ought to be good. There’s a giant poster of Trump. PBX if you freak out I swear I will beat you so bad…

Void: Shut up the tour is starting.

Tour Guide: Welcome to Trump Studio’s where Donald’s dream of global conquest will finally come true. We will begin our tour by going through one of many of the rooms where we shoot hit TV shows.

*All part of the tour move in, they see many rooms with different sets, monitors, and the occasional studio staff. Things go smoothly until… *

Tour Guide: Before we go any further, does anybody have any questions?

Void: Yeah I do. How come it seems so deserted in here? Shouldn’t there be more people running this place?

Tour Guide: That’s because the boss keeps firing everybody. He will usually have a replacement ready but sometimes…

Tour Guide #2: Hey Joe, The boss told me to take over. Oh yeah he also said “You’re Fired!” Tough luck.

Tour Guide #1: But it was only my second day!

*Suddenly PBX begins to flicker and fade*

Ti-An: Uh guys..

Rebel: Now what?

Void: The batteries must be going dead. I told you not to play with that!

Crab: I couldn’t help it, you made it so fun.

Tour Guides 1 and 2: What the? Security! Intruders! Hey stop copying me. Quit it! *They start to fight each other*

GDT: Lets take this opportunity to get out of here.

*As the tour guides fight each other our hero’s take off and go into a door marked “Hall B.” There they revert back to their original form*

Overdrive: Nice going Crab! Now the whole building will be looking for us.

Crab: It’s not my fault Moth gave us crappy batteries!

Moth: Those should have lasted three years! How long were you doing that “Now I’m Crab, now I’m not” bit?

Crab: Two weeks during the daytime and every night since you gave it to me. I get bored when you guys are asleep.

Sponge: If we get out of here alive I vote we get him a board game or something.

Magna: Agreed. We might as well explore and try to find the storage room. I wonder if they have plasma screens lying around.

Flame: You mean find where the transmissions are coming from.

Magna: That too.

*The C:IA go down the hall. No doors or windows are around, just a winding path that they follow. Just as they round the corner…*

Magna: There has to be a door somewhere around here.

Moth: Do you hear that?

Flame: Hear what? That weird rattling sound?

Sponge: That’s Crab.

Crab: I have screws loose!

Overdrive: *Rolls eyes* You’re telling me.

Moth: No, not that. I think I hear voices. They sound familiar too.

Magna: Who would we find here that we would kno- *Bumps into Serges* Ow…

Serges: Huh?

Magna and Serges: AHHHHH! What are you doing here?

Overdrive: Man, that is getting creepy.

Flame: I thought D.T. fired you.

Serges: He did.

Agile: We came here to get the TV back on. Violen hasn’t stopped whining since they cut off “I Love Lucy” to display that stupid message.

Violen: I want my Lucy back! That was a good episode.

Magna: I know. Do you know which one it was?

Violen: It was the one where Lucy wants to go to the club but Ricky wouldn’t let her, Fred and Ethel show up for no reason, and Lucy does that really funny cry.

Sponge: Isn’t that every episode?

Serges: So what brings you here?

Moth: Stopping Trump, saving the world, restoring the rights of viewers everywhere. You know, the whole “hero” thing.

Magna: And to get a free TV! Stop forgetting that!

Flame: So we all have a common goal right now. We could work together.

Sponge: Are you crazy?

Crab: I might be.

Overdrive: We can’t trust them!

Serges: And we can’t trust you.

Agile: It will never work.

Violen: I WANT MY TV!!!!!

Magna: Um…. Temporary truce?

Serges: Oh very well.

*Magna and Serges shake hands*

Flame: So now what?

Moth: I guess we keep going until we find an exit or something. I’m pretty sure we are looking for a control room of some kind.

Guard: There they are! Get them!

*Guards surround the unlikely team of the C:IA and X-Hunters*

Serges: OK now what? Do we stand and fight, give up, or run like hell?

Magna: We do what any world-class heroes such as ourselves would do. We run.

Crab: Wait, I have an idea.

Overdrive: Oh no…

*Music blairs as Crab takes out a pack of Mentos and proceeds to eat one as the Mentos theme plays*

Crab: The Freshmaker!

Everyone else: ……………………..

Crab: What? You deny the power of the Freshmaker?

Guard: Idiot. Capture them men. *Gets slapped* And women!

*The team takes off down the hall dodging blasts from the guards weapons and returning fire with their own. They bust through a door and quickly go through one on the right*

Magna: Watch my ninja skills at work.

*Magna tosses a few balls into the hallway that emit a large cloud of dark smoke. Then he uses his powers to make a fire extinguisher fall in a room past the one they are in, fooling the guards. They pass where the team is and go off in all directions*

Sponge: That was a close one.

Flame: Now what do we do?

Magna: I’ve got an idea. I’ll use my magnetic powers to locate the strongest signal here. We follow that and we find the master control room.

*Magna gets into his usual pose and concentrates. He glows a bright yellow and promptly gets hit in the head by a crowbar that was attracted, knocking him down*

Moth: You OK?

Magna: *Groggy* MoRe OvAlTeAn PlEaSe…

Overdrive: *Snicker* Good one.

Sponge: What happened?

Serges: He used to much power and made himself a magnet.

Crab: *Chants* Somebodies got a dent..

Magna: Shut up! Let me try that again, just toned down this time.

*Magna once again gets into his meditative pose this time glowing faintly*

Magna: Got it. The strongest signal is coming from behind that door.

Agile: Well let’s get going before more guards show up.

*They all go through the door only to discover a hallway with nine doors and a dead-end*

Overdrive: Wonderful. Just wonderful. Our leader steers us to a dead-end.

Flame: Did we make a wrong turn somewhere?

Agile: Maybe that crowbar messed you up a bit.

Magna: No, I’m sure this is the way. It’s straight ahead but there’s a wall in the way.

Violen: I can fix that problem.

Moth: No! Don’t do that, we want to draw less attention to ourselves remember? You bash it with your mace and the whole building will know where we are.

Serges: So what do you suppose we do?

Crab: We could do the Hokey-Pokey!

Sponge: There’s nine doors and nine of us. Soooo…

Magna: Let’s split up gang!

Violen: No! I’ll get scared and lonely. I don’t wanna…

Serges: Would you do it for a Scooby Snack?

Violen: Oh boy, would I ever!

*Agile opens a door and Serges throws the snack into it. Violen rushes after it and they slam the door after him*

Flame: Riiiight.. Guess I’ll meet you guys at the control room.

Moth: If any of you get into trouble use your communicators.

Sponge: The signal is being jammed.

Moth: In that case run like crazy.

Crab: What if I run into Trump? I’ll freak out!

Agile: Just shoot at him or something. Oh yeah I forgot, you can’t. Cause you’re a sissy little.. *gets smacked by Serges*

Serges: *Whispers to Agile* Don’t anger them. We may need the help.

Magna: Good luck everybody.

*They go their separate ways. As Magna goes through the door he emerges upon a set that consists of a desk, couch, chair, a full audience and staff*

Magna: What in the world…

Oprah: Welcome back folks! I’m Oprah, super talk show host, and with me is the leader of the Code: Island Attackers: Magna Centipede!

Magna: Um… Hi.

Oprah: Isn’t he cute? This reminds me of the time when… blah..blah..blah… boring stuff… (You get the picture)

*Oprah talks non-stop*

Magna: I’m gonna leave before my ears start to bleed. *Goes through another door*

Dr. Phil: Hi, I’m Dr. Phil, have you come for my help?

Magna: Well that crowbar gave me one hell of a headache… And a dent…

Dr. Phil: Sorry I’m not that kind of Doctor. I can help you set a plan to lose weight though.

Magna: No thanks. Have you tried that weight loss program on yourself chubby?

Dr. Phil: What do you mean? I’m not chubby, the plan works! It… AHHHHHH!!! *Sob* I’m a fraud, a shame! I’ve led people astray! *Cries*

Magna: So much for this show..

*Next room*

Jerry Springer: Today on Jerry Springer: “Giant Bugs and the Women Who Love Them!”

Magna: I like this topic! C’mere ladies!

*A group of the ugliest trailer-park trash comes up on stage*

Magna: Now this is wrong. Does at least one of you have all their teeth? And I don’t know if this is possible but you smell worse than Gator after his sewer hunts.

Jerry: That’s not all folks, because here comes the jealous boyfriends.

*Before Magna has time to react he is hit in the head with a chair*

Crowd: Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!

Jerry: That looked like it hurt. Now for my final thought.

Magna: You can say that again. *Bashes Jerry into the enraged red-necks and dashes out the door*

Magna: *Pant pant* Please let this be something good. I’m tired of these crappy morning talk shows.

Jay Leno: Then how about the Tonight Show?

David Letterman: No, I think he really wants to be on Late Night.

Conan O’Brien: You mean my Late Night right?

Letterman: No, you red-headed fool. Mine.

Leno: Forget it, he’s going on my show.

Magna: Listen guys, I don’t have time for…

Letterman: He’ll be on my show! He needs to do the Top Ten with me.

Leno: Oh please, that tired old thing? Now Headlines and Jay Walking on the other hand..

O’Brien: Triumph wants to mess with him.

Leno: That dog that pissed off Canada? No way!

O’Brien: Can I at least do my talking pictures bit?

Letterman: Yeah that’s OK… But Magna will still go on my show.

Leno: No. Mine.

O’Brien: Mine!

Letterman: Mine!

Leno: Tell you what, lets let him decide. OK Magna, who’s show do you..

*Everyone looks around only to find Magna has left*

Leno: Where’d he go?

Triumph: All the shows are great.. FOR ME TO POOP ON!

Magna: *Running down a corridor* (I sincerely hope somebody has it worse than I do. What a bunch of nut-jobs!)


Overdrive: (Now’s my chance to prove that I should be the true leader. Then we can stop this stupid kid stuff like playing “hero.”)

*As Overdrive goes through the door he sees a street corner. The door slams and locks behind him*

Overdrive: Damn! Don’t tell me I wound up outside?! *Looks up* No, I’m still inside, I can see all the lighting equipment. This must be some kind of set.

Elmo: Hi Big Bird! What are…. Hey, you’re not Big Bird!

Overdrive: AHHH! Don’t sneak up on me like that.

Elmo: What have you done to Big Bird? Everybody come!

Overdrive: Listen, I didn’t do anything, I just got here. Honest.

*The rest of Sesame Street surrounds Overdrive*

Grover: Villains need to be punished.

Bert: Let’s poke him with my paper clips!

Ernie: And let Rubber Duckie taunt him. *Squeak squeak*

Oscar the Grouch: No one gets away with hurting Big Bird!

Overdrive: I DIDN’T!!

*Just then the real Big Bird shows up*

Big Bird: What’s going on everybody? Are we having a party?

Overdrive: Thank God you’re here! They were going to… I don’t know, but it was really creepy!

Big Bird: …Another giant yellow talking bird. You know what that means boys and girls? Someone is trying to replace me. Get him!!!!

Overdrive: Holy Hell! *Takes off at full speed but stops short* Wait a minute. What am I running from? It’s just a bunch of stupid puppets.

*As the residents of Sesame Street run towards him, Overdrive lets loose a barrage of Sonic Slicers*

Grover: My arm! Gone it is!

Elmo: Ahhhhh! Elmo on fire!

*Such was the fate of the rest of them. And for good measure Overdrive set the entire place on fire*

Overdrive: Now that was gratifying. I hope the next door takes me to the control room. I hate kid shows. *Goes through door*

Barney: Look who’s here today kids! It’s Overdrive Ostrich. Isn’t he neat?

Overdrive: Aww man, this is much worse than crazed puppets… Muppets… Whatever.

Barney: Lets sing the “I Love You” song.

Overdrive: I have a better idea. Lets see how easy it is to make a Dinosaur extinct.

*Overdrive rushes by at blinding speed. A few moments later Barney’s head falls to the floor, followed by the rest of him a few seconds later*

Overdrive: I just did the world a favor. Please let this be it.

*Opens door. A grassy hillside is what it reveals*

Overdrive: This is a bit better than that classroom that abomination was in. At least I can sprint in here to cover some ground.

*Overdrive takes off running. He goes for a while until he comes to a strange dome-like structure*

Overdrive: I wonder what this thing is.

*As if in answer the Teletubbies pop out of it.*

Teletubbies: Play! Play! Play!

Overdrive: (Hmmm let’s see. I burned down Sesame Street and decapicitated Barney. What should I do to these guys? Oh I know!)

*Overdrive throws a Sonic Slicer into the gut of each Telitubby. The Slicers explode like bombs making the Tubbies do the same, littering the field with their parts*

Overdrive: Heh. Cool. *Walks through the next door*

Captain Kangaroo: Hi Overdrive.

Overdrive: *Sigh* Look “Captain” I’m getting tired of this, so unless you want to end up like the rest of them you’ll tell me how to get to the control room.

Captain: Of course. It’s through that door down the hall.

Overdrive: *Kinda surprised* Hey thanks. That’s the most helpful thing to happen all day.

Captain: No problem.

*Overdrive exits. After he leaves the Captian pulls out a cell phone*

Captain: He’s on his way sir. Everything is going as planned. Though we are going to need a new lineup. Mwahahahahahahah!!!!

To Be Continued…

Destroying the Space Time Continuum (part 1)

February 5, 2014

*By Rebel4000*

*In one part of the Island Attackers Island Base, two figures are in a room with an outdated computer that still surprisingly works*

Rebel: *On the PC* I’m telling you, Punk is red, not pink.

Cutman.EXE: *Standing next to Rebel* Bloody hell. I wanna see what Havoc has to say.

Rebel: Hold your freakin’ horses, or I’ll be forced to get the tazer.

Cutman.EXE: ….Eh? What were we saying?

Rebel: Uh… Punk was red and you were agreeing?

Cutman.EXE: I think not, you haven’t won this one yet!

Rebel: But, you agreed to that I did. *Laughs*

Cutman.EXE: Don’t make me get my dad involved in this: Color is his job, and he’s been at it for 30 years!

Rebel: *Turns PC off* Hmm, Havoc doesn’t have his AIM address out.

Cutman.EXE: Bastard!

Rebel: So now we must go by the second best thing.

Cutman.EXE: Which is…?

Rebel: Me.

Cutman.EXE: Hah!

Rebel: Well, we obviously can’t go by you. You’re a blind fool.

Cutman.EXE: Well, I’m making my Punk.EXE figure pink, so there!

Rebel: You wouldn’t dare.

Cutman.EXE: I would! Same with…… Magna Centipede!

Rebel: Hey, wait just a minute… You said the sprites look pink.

Cutman.EXE: Yes, they do.

Rebel: But, they were released in black ‘n white.

Cutman.EXE: Look at the Punk.EXE sprites.

Rebel: No.

Cutman.EXE: Why?

Rebel: I don’t wanna.

Cutman.EXE: Mwahahaha!

Rebel: *Kicks Cut*

Cutman.EXE: AUGH! *Shears get stuck in the ground*

Rebel: *Points* Hah hah!

Cutman.EXE: *Summons Rolling Cutter to attack Magna but misses*

*The Cutter flies out of the room, going all the way into Void’s lab*

Cutman.EXE: Umm, oops?

*At Void’s lab*

Void: Hmm… Now that I have formed this new, dangerous chemical that has never been tested before, I guess I must do what all great geniuses do and test it. *Turns to PBX* Here!

PBX: Yay, kool-aid! *Drinks*

Void: Good kid.

Ghaleon: Are you sure he’ll be okay?

Void: 99.9% positive.

Ti-An: What about the other 0.1% pecent?

Deathtuna: …Explosions…

PBX: Grape flavored, yay! Hey, what’s that?

Void, Ghaleon, Ti-An, Deathtuna: Huh?

*Cutman.EXE’s Rolling Cutter quickly flew in, hitting PBX directly in the gut. Because of the digital weaponry being combined with the dangerous new substance, it resulted in the most likely of things to happen*


Everyone: HOLY SH….

*Three days later, or…*

Outlaw: Uhh… Did someone get the number of that garbage truck?

Rebel: Shut up… And get off of me!

Outlaw: I’m over here.

Deathtuna: Zzz…. Time… travel…

Rebel: *Kicks Deathtuna into a steel wall*

Void: Guys… What happened?

PBX: Explosions, yay!

Void: Oh, yeah. I knew that.

Ti-An: *Pulls out a chain* Rebel… What did you do to the base?!

Rebel: Whaddya mean, what did I do to the base?

GDT: *Headlocks Rebel* YOU must have done something! Who’d you piss off today!?

Rebel: Well, let’s see… First there was Void, since I was playing with his stuff… Then Outlaw, ’cause I kept sneaking up on him… Then Void again, but only because PBX was dumb enough to think that container full of acid was a soccer ball…

PBX: Yay for soccer!

Void, Ghaleon, Ti-An, Deathtuna, Outlaw, GDT: Shh!

PBX: Sorry.

Rebel: There was also the X-Hunters, Donald Trump, MHUX, HOTEC, the mayor, the mailman…

*Five hours later*

Ghaleon: Zzz…

Rebel: My old high school teacher, my mom, my dad, my dog, my–

Deathtuna: GOD DAMMIT SHUT UP!!!

Outlaw: Whoa.

Ti-An: I didn’t know Tuna had it in him.

Void: Wake up, Ghal.

Ghaleon: Huh, what? Oh. Um, did Rebel finish?

Void: No.

Ghaleon: Um, okay then. Where are we anyways?

Outlaw: That’s what I want to know.

GDT: You know, we could use a little something called “common sense” to have just answered that five hours ago!

Cutman.EXE: Why didn’t you just say that?

GDT: Huh? Who’re you?

Cutman.EXE: My name’s Cutman.EXE! But you can just call me Cut.

Void: EXE? As in those Battle Network guys?

Cutman.EXE: Yep.

PBX: Tell me my fortune!

Rebel: *Grabs Cutman* Well as much as we’d all like to get to know one another, we really don’t have time to be bothered by you, Cut. So you’ve gotta leave now.

Cutman.EXE: Hey! I’m lost too! You can’t do this to *Gets sent into orbit* MEEEeeee…..

Ghaleon: Um, why’d you do that?

Rebel: It’s always the with the questions with you, isn’t it?

Ghaleon: Well…

Ti-An: Enough talking, more killing!

*Everyone stares at Ti-An*

Ti-An: What?

Deathtuna: Wise man once said…. the thing……. Zzzz…

Outlaw: What the Hell…? Guys, look what I found!

*The Island Attackers gather around Outlaw to find a newspaper dated: 20XX. There was mixed emotions. Void started studying the area around them. Rebel punted Outlaw, while GDT and Ti-An beat the crap out of PBX, who was oblivious to everything around him anyways. Deathtuna just slept, while Ghaleon grabbed a chair and watched the others go about their business*

Void: Hmm… If this truly is 20XX, then that would explain why everything is so… downgraded.

Rebel: Holy crap! Look guys! My old computer has become an awsome plasma tv!

PBX: Yay plasma! *Breaks the screen*

Void: Okaaay… I think we should get going, so we can–

GDT: Mess with time and space, therefore making it so that Rebel will in no possible way exist, making ME the all supreme ruler of the CIA?

Void: No. Actually–

Rebel: We’re going to go off and mess with time and space, but were going to do other bad things than what GoodDoggyTreat has just listed!

GDT: Grr… I WILL rule the CIA… One of these days…

Rebel: What was that?

GDT: *Whistles*

Void: Guys, we aren’t going to mess with time in anyway like that! We’re just going to go down to Dr. Light’s lab and ask if–

PBX: Yay, time-messer uppers! *Takes off with everyone but Void and Tuna*

Void: No! We cannot alter the future in any severe way, you guys! Come back!!

Deathtuna: Giddy… on up… Cowboy! ZzzZzzz… Yeehaw… Zzz……

*Little did the Island Attackers know that they were being watched…*

???: Hmm… What a strange energy source. It’s even more powerful than the robots I’ve created!

Bass: What are you going to do, Dr. Wily?

Dr. Wily: Dammit, Bass! I was supposed to be in the shadows. You completely ruined the moment.

Bass: Oh. Well, what are you going to do, anyways?

Dr. Wily: All in good time, all in good time… MWAHAHAHAHA……

Bass: Bah, do what you want. I’ll defeat them myself! *Leaves*

Dr. Wily: Foo’.

*We see the Island Attackers in the past city of Megalopolis*

PBX: Yay for narrations!

Rebel: Shut up. All right guys, are you ready?

Outlaw: Yeah, but what’s with the paint cans? *Hold two up*

Ghaleon: And why are we in our transformed state?

Rebel: Simple. We need to be in our transformed state so we won’t get caught, therefore revealing our true identity. Even though this is the past, we must be as careful as possible.

Ti-An: But what’s the paint for? Are we… painting the town red?

GDT: Please. Only an idiot would… Oh wait. I forgot.

Rebel: All right, let’s get going! Void, come on!

Void: I refuse to help.

Rebel: Fine. Be that way. Deathtuna?

Deathtuna: Must capture… Party poopers… *Encases Void in solid crystal*

Rebel: Good boy. Now, you wait here and gaurd Void, while we go and have some fun!

Deathtuna: Zzz…

Rebel: *Kicks Deathtuna* DO YOU UNDERSTAND?!

Deathtuna: *Nods*

Rebel: Good. Now let’s go!

PBX: Yay for continues!

To Be Continued…

No One’s Looking

October 16, 2011

*Note: This is a piece that I wrote for a creative writing class*


Statue of a Man

Statue of a Woman



In a small room in a fancy house two statues stand at the far corners and are facing the door leading in .(The audience) The statues are incredible works of art; the man looking noble and the woman the essence of beauty. A clock chimes midnight from somewhere in the house.


Slight movement as the woman inches her head towards the man

Woman Statue: Do you think they are all asleep my love?

Man Statue: Hard to say. (More softly) Better we keep it down until we are sure.

Woman: I do not wish to stay quiet anymore. We do enough of that during the day.

Man: Yes, but that is what we must do. It is our purpose to be looked at and spoken about but never spoken to.

The statue of a man moves his arms a bit but does not take move his head. He continues to watch the door.

Woman: They are silly things; people.  What do you make of them?

Man: They can be interesting and a nuisance, often both at the same time.  

Woman: Tell me who bothers you.

The woman, now moving more fluidly turns her whole self to the man. The man turns slightly from his position, but still keeps watch on the door.

Man: The snooty stuck up ones. Always assuming they are better than everyone else because they have more of everything. Underneath it all they are never happy, it shows on their faces.

Woman: I have noticed that myself. I don’t care for the maids.

Man: (Now fully turning towards the woman.) The maids?

Woman: Yes. They are so very rough when they are cleaning. It’s supposed to be a dust rag, not a club! I think next time they do that I’ll give them a good smack.

Man: (Laughing.) You’d give them a heart attack if you do.

Woman: Is it time yet?

Man: No, not yet. What people do you like?

Woman: I like it when they bring the children.

Man: The children?

Women: (Happily) When they look at us, they do not try to think about meaning, style, method, or any of that nonsense the artists talk about. When they look at us, they see the life we have, the beauty of life.

Man: I too have felt this way. The world has not gotten to them yet.

The clock now strikes three

Man and Woman together: At last!

They move towards each other. Their steps just as artful as their forms, they quicken and finally reach and embrace one another. They begin to sway and move in unison.

Woman: How I long to dance with you during the day. It is sheer torture to see you across the room and not be able to go to you. A few hours at night are not enough!

Man: I am happy with the time we get. I could stay in the corner for centuries if it meant I could dance only a minute with you.

They dance more eloquently now. Never once letting each other go, they move all around the room laughing all the while.

Woman: Why must we stay apart? Why can’t we stay like this forever?

Man: It is how we were made to be. People would not understand.

They dance more quickly now, using everything in the room; gravity could not hope to contain them; even the walls became a stage.

Man: Tomorrow will be here soon.

Woman: Let’s think of something funny to amuse ourselves during the day.

 Man: I’ll make a parody of the looks they give us. (He puts his nose in the air and imitates the snobs they see so often)

Woman: (giggling) I’ll move my eye’s when they aren’t looking.

The clock now strikes seven

Man: Our dance is at an end. We must return to our places.

Woman: Time is always our enemy isn’t it?

Man: No, we can outlast time; we will always do each day.

They reluctantly let each other go and return to their spots. Stiffness taking them once more.

Pirate Poem

September 18, 2011

Pirate Poem

YAR! Happy Talk Like a Pirate Day! Here be a poem for ye.

There once was a pirate,
he sailed on his ship,
one fateful day he went on a trip.

With treasure in mind,
and wind in his sails,
he hoped he would find
an island free of males.

The wenches they teased him,
the sirens they pleased him,
he knew he had found,
the ultimate kingdome.

He was there just one week,
the outlook was bleak
he had been blead dry,
“You wenches ain’t cheap!”