Posts Tagged ‘Dark Knight’

Bermuda Shorts # 5

February 21, 2015

Before we get to the last bit of short stories I need to let you in on a little secret. I actually thought the last post was all that was left of the Code: Island Attacker archive. But with a bit of digging I was able to find two things that have never been shared with the public.

The way we wrote the Bermuda Shorts was usually done just on the forum. When we reached a certain number of entry’s they were then posted on the main site. These shorts that you are about to read were all written by myself.

The next post will feature the last epilogue that was written which was done by Rebel4000. The site closed down before he was able to post it.

*All written by Outlaw88*

Insightful Thought # 5

Narrator: And now, an Insightful Thought.

Dramatic music

Narrator: This week’s guest: R.O.B.

R.O.B.: Beep.

Narrator: And to help us out, please welcome special guest C-3PO. Are you sure you can understand him?

C-3PO: Sir, I am fluent in over 6 million forms of communication. I can understand and translate just fine.

Narrator: Ok then.

R.O.B.: Beep.

C-3PO: He says “Hello. I’m R.O.B. and I work with The Rat by being his assistant.”

R.O.B.: Beep.

C-3PO: “It’s not as bad as you might think. It’s really mutually benificial. I fix him if he gets hurt and I get information for him, and in return he protects me.”

R.O.B.: Beep.

C-3PO: “Dragging Dead Man along can be a chore but overall I can’t complain.”

R.O.B.: Beep.

Narrator: Interesting. So what did he say that time?

C-3PO: That one was just a beep.

Narrator: Anything else?

R.O.B.: Beep.

C-3PO: He says “For fun I like to access the internet and look at funny cat pictures. Sometimes I like to go on forums and make others look like complete idiots. But my favorite thing is to watch videos of people getting hurt.”

Narrator: So you’re an internet troll.

*Before R.O.B. can answer an angry mob shows up. They chase R.O.B.*

C-3PO: Oh my.

Narrator: This has been an Insightful Thought.
The Eating Contest

It’s the Megalopolis annual “Eat till you’re sick!” contest. Rebel and Outlaw are backstage.

Rebel: What are you worried about man? You’ve got this!

Outlaw: I don’t know… The competition looks intense.

Rebel: Just go out there and do what you do best, other than stink, and we can snag the grand prize.

Announcer: Let’s get the show going! Here are the contestants: The four eyed freak Belome!

Belome: Oh the hunger…

Announcer: That little pink guy Kirby!

Kirby: HIIIIII!

Announcer: And Mr. Sewer Breath, Outlaw!

Outlaw: “Mr. Sewer Breath?”

Rebel: Well you are.

The three take the stage. Before anything can happen though…”

???: Wait!

*Takeru Kobayashi rushes the stage*

Takeru: I should be part of this! I’m a world record holder!

Announcer: We’ve been over this already. They wanted new people.

Takeru: I can out eat anyone! Just watch!

Announcer: Can someone get rid of this guy or something?

Belome: Stick for a body, head full of straw, give me a Scarecrow,
Rah, Rah RAH!

*Takeru Kobayashi is now a scarecrow*

Takeru: …

Announcer: That’s better. Now onto the event!

Kirby: Hi!

Outlaw: Hi to you too.

Kirby: HiIIIII!

Outlaw: Um… Hi.

Kirby: HIIIIII!

Belome: Oh the Hunger.

Outlaw: Suddenly I miss Takeru.

The massive piles of food are brought out. They place giant amonts in front of each of them. A bell sounds and they go at it.

Outlaw: *Nom nom nom!*

Belome: *Lick*

Kirby: HIIIII!!!

*Kirby inhales. His plate of food, Outlaw’s plate of food and Belome’s plate of food alll get eaten in one big gulp.*

Outlaw: Holy crap!

Belome: My food! You took my food! Gimme it back!

Kirby: Hi!

Belome: HUNGER!

*Belome rushes Kirby*

Outlaw: This can’t end well.

Kirby inhales Belome. A monsterous six eyed, pink beast with a huge mouth and extra long tongue is formed. It rushes the backstage area and escapes the building, eating anything in it’s path.

Outlaw: What has been seen cannot be unseen.

The End
Bakery of Doom

Rebel: It’s just around this corner.

Shadow: Where are we going again?

Rebel: I’ve heard that this is the best bakery ever and I’m in the mood for some comfort food.

Shadow: Considering Avi decided to paint the Whale King today I can see why you’d need comforting.

Rebel: Here it is! Aperture Science Bakery!

Shadow: Odd name for a bakery.

*When they go inside they notice that there isn’t anyone there.*

Shadow: Hello?

*A computerized voice responds*

GLaDOS: Welcome to the Aperture Science Bakery. I am called GLaDOS. How may I help you?

Rebel: Awesome.

Shadow: Where is everybody?

GLaDOS: This bakery is fully automated. The staff has been eliminated.

Shadow: What?!

GLaDOS: I apologize. What I meant to say was the need for staff has been eliminated.

Rebel: Good. I hate dealing with idiots.

Shadow: Rebel, something’s wrong here.

Rebel: Yeah. Too much talk, not enough buying me a cookie.

GLaDOS: Here is the menu. Please make your selection. May I recommend the Mrs. Lovett brand meat pie?

Rebel: Well with a name like Lovett it has to be good! I’ll take…

Shadow: NONE!

GLaDOS: Pity.

Rebel: What the hell man? You complain to me that we don’t hang out like we used to so I take you with me to get some eats. The moment I try to get said eats you prevent me from doing so?

Shadow: Trust me on this one. You wouldn’t like those pies.

Rebel: Whatever. *Looks at menu* How good are the sprinkle cookies?

GLaDOS: They are one of our killer sale items. Please note that the green particles are sprinkles. Clearly not rat poison.

Shadow: I don’t like this.

Rabel: Yeah, I’m not feeling sprinkles. Maybe they have some cake.

GLaDOS: We stay open until we run out of cake.

*There is a faint scream from deep within the building.*

Shadow: What was that?

GLaDOS: That was one of our test subjects. I mean Taste Testers. Those are screams of delight. Everything is normal.

Shadow: Rebel, we should get out of here. I think GLaDOS is up to something.

Rebel: Don’t be stupid. She’s being so nice and helpful. The word “Glad” is in her name so there’s no way she can be bad.

Shadow: Hurry up and pick something then.

Rebel: I’m still looking. Everything sounds so good.

*While Rebel looks at the menus, Shadow notices a strange blue glowing doorway. He walks over to it.*

Shadow: It’s like a swirly round thing.

Rebel: Round thing.

Shadow: I can see the top of my head.

*Glances up and see’s a similar doorway glowing orange.*

GLaDOS: The Aperture Science Bakery is not responsible for any harm done to and by stupid people.

Shadow: Huh?

*Shadow slips and tumbles into the Portal. He slams into the ground.*

Shadow: D’oh!

Rebel: I got it! Three donuts please.

GLaDOS: Excellent. Whice types would you like?

Shadow: I’m going to go wait outside.

Rebel: Fine. Be that way.

*Shadow exits the building. A few moments later Rebel joins him. They start walking for home.*

Shadow: Well?

Rebel: I got a soylent glazed one and a one that has creme filling. She said it was so good that my guts don’t know what’s coming.

Shadow: Sounds… Great….

Rebel: Yeah. I can’t wait. Oh and I got you a bear claw.

Shadow *Gulp*

THE END

Beyond Classification

*In the Whale King*

Rebel: Meeting Time!

Metabad: Meeting Time?!

Dark Knight: Meeting Time!

*DK and Metabad do a little jig*

Rebel: Sit down and shut up!

Shadow: So what’s up Rebel?

Avi: This isn’t about the rug is it? It looks so much better now.

Sean: What happened to the rug?

Avi: I don’t know Sean, what?

Rebel: Today we’re going to talk about Majin.

Majin: I like ponies.

Outlaw: Me too. They taste good with a little soy sause and steamed rice.

Sean: You didn’t…..

Outlaw: Isn’t that what was in food we ordered last night?

Sean: Let’s never go there again.

Rebel: AHEM! Back to the subject at hand.

Shadow: Are we going to finally talk about his out of control drinking problem?

DK: Or the fact that he keeps throwing up on everything electronic?

Majin: Or if lice really do see the rainbow of my tuna salad pants?

Rebel: No.

Avi: Then what?

Rebel: That’s the real question. What. As in what the hell is he anyway?

Outlaw: You mean the fact that he’s from Majin World?

Rebel: No, no I get that. I’m talking about what he looks like right now. What the hell is he? He’s also called Wire Sponge but…

Shadow: Now that you mention it.. Yeah he doesn’t really look like a sponge to me.

Avi: I thought he was a plant.

Metabad: Are sponges plants?

Outlaw: I thought they were some kind of sea life.

DK: Majin kinda looks like a really messed up cucumber to me.

Majin: How many licks does it take to get to the moon?

Sean: The leaves on his head, the green color, and vines make me think he is a plant too. But he does seem to be able to absorb liquids like a sponge.

Shadow: I’m confused.

Outlaw: Maybe he’s some kind of hybrid?

Avi: Those get good gas mileage.

Rebel: Forget it. This is getting us nowhere fast. I guess we’ll never know what he is.

Majin: Luffa.
*Based on real life confusion and….discovery!* http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Luffa

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Bermuda Shorts # 4

February 17, 2015

Insightful Thought #4
By Outlaw88

Narrator: And now, an Insightful Thought.

*Dramatic music*

Narrator: This week’s guest: Oreo Oreo.

Oreo: Life is a funny thing ya know? I mean why did Trump pick Oreo’s to make us out of? Sure we can easily be remade after we get beat up or something but still. Why not rock? Or steel? I like being alive, don’t get me wrong but… My boss is weird.

Narrator: This has been an…

Oreo: I’M NOT DONE!

Narrator: Oh… Continue then.

Oreo: Being made of cookies is tough. I could go stale or parts of me could fall off or melt. But the worst thing is the ants. THE ANTS! They never leave us alone! Always trying to eat us or drag us to their mound. I HATE ANTS! I hate that I’m edible! I hate the C:IA for always beating us! WHY IS MY LIFE SO BAD?! AHHHHHH!!!

*Oreo starts crying, causing some of his face to melt.*

Narrator: This has been an Insightful Thought.

The End

* * *

Book Report
By Outlaw88

*Shadow is in the living room area, quietly reading a book.*

Shadowstrike: Very interesting.

*Majin staggers in*

Majin: What yoooou do?

Shadowstrike: I’m reading. Go away.

Majin: Reading what?

Shadowstrike: A book.

Majin: Book?

Shadowstrike: Yes, Majin. Book. Thing with words.

Majin: Reading… Rainbow.

Shadowstrike: Sure. Whatever. Just leave me alone ok?

Majin: Ya.

*There is a brief moment of silence.*

Majin: *in Shadow’s ear* I CAN DO ANYTHING! TAKE A LOOK! IT’S IN A BOOK!!!!!!!

*This sudden outburst made Shadow jump.*

Shadowstrike: Forget this.

*He goes to a different part of the ship. He looks around and all is quiet. He is in a hallway where a few of the rooms are located.*

Shadowstrike: Ahhhh…

*Suddenly the whole hall shakes as insanely loud music is being played. He goes to Outlaw’s room and as soon as he opens the door the music gets even louder! Outlaw and Metabad are moshing to the music.*

Shadowstrike: TURN IT OFF!

*They don’t notice him. Shadow goes over to the stereo and turns it off.*

Metabad: Hey!

Shadowstrike: You guys are going to go deaf if you keep playing it that loud! Don’t you have any consideration for people who want quiet?!

Outlaw: What?

Metabad: Huh?

Shadowstrike: Nevermind.

*He storms out.*

Metabad: What did he say?

Outlaw: I dunno. Something about hamsters, hoola hoops and precipitation.

*Back in the hall, Shadow tries to find his place in the book, but the music gets turned back on. He lets out a frustrated groan and moves on.*

Shadowstrike: I’ll try the next hall over.

*He enters the next section of the ship. There is a lot of smoke in the air. Sean is sitting by the door.*

Shadowstrike: Sean?

Sean: Yeah?

Shadowstrike: What did you do?

Sean: You don’t want to know. I’d try not to breath too much if I were you.

Shadowstrike: Moving on.

*He goes to yet another section of the ship. He doesn’t see anyone around. He breathes a sign of relief and sits down on the couch. Avi rushes into the room.*

Avi: Noooo!

Shadowstrike: What?!

Avi: Can’t you read the sign?

Shadowstrike: Sign? What sign?

*Avi takes out a sheet of poster paper and writes on it.*

Avi: This one of course!

*The sign says “Wet Paint”*

Shadowstrike: What the hell?

*Shadow gets up. The couch is covered in paint, and now so is Shadow.*

Shadowstrike: Why did you dump paint on the couch?

Avi: It’s not a couch anymore! The world is my canvas and I felt my creative self call out and desire this masterpiece. I call it “Drippy Comfort.”

Shadowstrike: I call it “Ruined Furniture.”

*Shadow leaves. He passes DK.*

Dark Knight: Hey Shadow!

Shadowstrike: What…

Dark Knight: Why is your ass blue?

Shadowstrike: Why are you staring at my ass?

Dark Knight: …

Shadowstrike: …

Dark Knight: This conversation didn’t happen.

*Shadow goes into the kitchen. He has a brief moment alone but then Rebel comes in and heads for the fridge.*

Shadowstrike: Hey Reb.

Rebel: Why aren’t you piloting?! Are we going to crash again? I DON’T WANT TO DIE! THERE IS STILL SO MUCH SODA LEFT FOR ME TO DRINK!

Shadowstrike: We’re on the ground.

Rebel: Oh. So what are you doing then?

Shadowstrike: I’ve been trying to read.

Rebel: Oh yeah? What is it?

Shadowstrike: It’s a self-help book. “The joy of a normal life and how to get it.”

*Rebel laughs uncontrolably for a good ten minutes.*

Rebel: With this crew? Good luck.

*Rebel leaves. It is now quiet. He glances at the book.*

Shadowstrike: Hmmm…

*Total silence*

Shadowstrike: Screw this. I’m gonna go mosh with Outlaw and Metabad.

The End

* * *

Infomercial
by Avi

Voice: ARTISTS! Tired of your eraser making a mess all over your masterpieces?! Sick of trying to erase in those hard to reach places?!

Avi: Hi, Morph Moth here with the AVI-RASER!

Avi: It’s a COMPLETELY and TOTALLY original project manufactured only in Germany, and is COMPLETELY and TOTALLY not some ordinary kneaded eraser I picked up from the local Walmart to sell at jacked-up prices! Oh, no. My product was manufactured EXCLUSIVELY in Ireland!

Outlaw: Wow, so how does it work?

Avi: Just squish it into the shape you want, then rub away! The putty-like compound allows you to mold it, tear it, and smush it back together! It’s so easy, even I can do it! Watch as I erase this raw sewage from this alligator’s back side!

*Avi begins using the eraser to do so–one change of camera angle later…*

Outlaw: *sparkly clean* Um… did I really have to take that shower just for this?

Avi: Yes–I-I mean, there was no shower, child, it was just… THE PATENTED AVI TECHNOLOGY, found exclusively in Norway, cleans your canvas so thoroughly, you’d swear you’d have taken it through the shower! See what MILLIONS of customers are saying about the Avi-raser!

Metabad: It… rawks, I guess.

Shadowstrike: Meh.

Majin: dis bbl gum taests funy

Dark Knight: Well, I suppose it could be wor–

Sean: *begins rubbing DK with the eraser*

*One change of camera angle later, and DK is nowhere to be found*

Sean: The Avi-raser… CHANGED. MY. LIFE.

Avi: That’s right! The Avi-raser can rub out people as well! Thus making it PERFECT for the Mafia, and for surgeons conducting amputations as well! With ordinary erasers, it would take HOURS to separate a pair of Siamese twins at the joint, and with a nasty mess to boot! But with the Avi-raser, it’s done in mere minutes, and without any of the mess!

Rebel, Outlaw, Majin, Shadowstrike, Metabad, Sean: …

Avi: I know what you’re thinking. Products like this would normally sell for over 300 zenny! But through this exclusive epilogue offer, you can get the Avi-raser for a measly 19.95!! But wait, there’s more!! Call within the next 15 minutes, and you’ll also receive… um…

Rebel: Receive what?

Avi: Um… I… hold on one second… *picks up the eraser, and takes a small piece off of it* …um… YEAH! Call within the next 15 minutes, and you’ll also receive the Avi-raser Jr.! It allows you to erase those tight spaces, and it’s great for the kids too! And that’s not all! You can combine it with the full-sized Avi-raser *molds the pieces back together* to form the GIANT Avi-raser! And all of this can be yours if you CALL NOW!

Rebel, Outlaw, Majin, Shadowstrike, Metabad, Sean: *collective groan*

Voice: To order, call 555-SCAM. The Avi-raser is manufactured EXCLUSIVELY in Portugal and is not available in stores. CALL NOW!

The End

(This short is dedicated to an artist’s most valuable tool–the kneaded eraser. Seriously, they’re awesome. -The Real Avi)

* * *

Unwilling Art
By Outlaw88

Rebel: I’ve told you twenty times already, I don’t want you drawing on me.

Avi: But why? I could do so much! The extra arms could symbolize how art can be an extra extension of the mind and body. The spikey tail is how art can be painful but rewarding!

Rebel: I think we need to get you some medication or something.

Avi: Come on, just a little doodle. How ’bout a happy face? It’ll be the the best happy face ever!

Rebel: Does it look like I need a happy face?

Avi: Yes, Mr. Grouchy, I think you do!

Rebel: Forget it.

Avi: It could be like a tatoo! I could make it a tough happy face! Tough guys get tattoos!

Rebel: What part of “No” didn’t you get?

Avi: He could have some barbed wire on him, and be wearing a side-ways hat. Ohhh it would be so tough and cute on you! Hold still.

Rebel: AHHHH!!!

*Rebel runs down the hall. Avi gives chase, still talking about the happy face.*

Rebel: I swear I’m going to throw away all her art supplies.

*Rebel can see that Outlaw is up ahead*

Rebel: Dude, you have to hide me. Avi has flipped out and is crazy intent on drawing on me and… What the hell happened to you?

*Outlaw is covered from head to toe in random drawings.*

Outlaw: What do you mean?

Rebel: She got to you already, I see.

Outlaw: Oh these. Neat huh?

Rebel: You’ve got to be kidding me. How could you just let her do that to you?

Outlaw: It’s not bad really. I like it.

Rebel: Just when I think I have you figured out, you go and do something weird.

Outlaw: Weird would be how that color is going to look when it dries. I have to say, neon orange is an interesting choice for your tail.

Rebel: What?!

*Avi is busy painting Rebel.*

Rebel: NOOOOOO!!!

*Rebel takes off. Avi once again follows*

Avi: Don’t go too fast or you’ll smear!

*Rebel hides behind a corner. He inspects his tail.*

Rebel: Ugh. This is going to take forever to come off.

Dark Knight: You got off light. At least she went with paint for you.

Rebel: Huh?

*DK is covered in plaster and is unable to move*

Dark Knight: She thought I’d look better as a statue. So instead of sculpting it from scratch she dumped me in this stuff.

Avi: And what a lovely piece of modern art you are! By the way, polka dots look good on you Rebel.

*Rebel looks down. He’s covered in spots.*

Rebel: Polka dots are not manly or tough.

Avi: Who said anything about that?

Rebel: You did.

Avi: I think I’d remember saying something about that.

Rebel: What about the happy face then?

Avi: What a great idea! That would go great as a face painting!

Rebel: Me and my big mouth.

The End

* * *

“Well, That’s Confusing”
By Sean

*Shadowstrike, Sean, and Outlaw are sitting at a table. Shadowstrike starts shuffling a deck of cards.*

Shadowstrike: So, everyone set on the rules now?

Sean: Are you sure those are correct? I really though that–

Outlaw: Look, I checked. No one has followed those rulings in twenty years.

Sean: Oh, that makes sense then. I don’t think I’ve played once in the past thirty.

*Suddenly Rebel rushes into the room*

Rebel: Is this room safe?

Shadowstrike: What are you talking about?

Rebel: I saw Avi carrying a few gallons of paint.

Shadowstrike: LOCK THE DOOR!

Sean: I really hope I don’t get like that when I’m old. *Everyone looks at him* What?

Outlaw: Actually, how old are you?

Shadowstrike: Yeah, you claim to be both from the era of Robot Masters and looked pretty human when we met you.

Sean: Let me think….

Rebel: You don’t know?

Sean: Well, I have not been conscious this whole time. I think I spent at least a decade frozen solid.

Outlaw: Okay that explains it.

Sean: And I don’t know how long in suspended animation. Then there was the three weeks I spent dead, four weeks of which I was a ghost.

Rebel: Four of three weeks?

Sean: Time travel. By the way, how do you count time travel? If you return to the same point you left does the time spent still count toward your age? Also do you count time spent in timelines that don’t exist or when time has been frozen?

Shadowstrike: What?

Sean: Then there were all the clone bodies and the robotic duplicates. The time my brain was scanned into a computer and copied. Or just times when my mind was uploaded to various computer networks. All the curses and blessings that I’ve gotten over the years as well keep changing my mortal state…

Rebel: Curses and blessings? I thought you had only one curse!

Sean: At the moment I’m pretty sure that was true… Actually what body am I in and am I currently the original ‘Sean’ now that you mention it? You said I seemed human, right?

Outlaw: Yeah…

Sean: Okay, good. That helps narrows things down… If I went back to my human form this might help, but then I’m not sure what phobias and psychological issues I’m currently suffering from. I think I got most cured.

Rebel: Most cured? Shouldn’t you know?

Sean: Therapy is too expensive to keep up with. Also traumatic events have caused me to to develop new ones or suffer from an old one again. Then I think I have also had some instilled by viruses as well and there was at least one time when that was something I created myself.

Shadowstrike: Don’t you have any ID? Or remember your birth date?

Sean: I’ve lost and gained so many licenses over the years. Also there were a few of the previously mentioned viruses, mind affecting enchantments, and just pain head trauma that has made it hard to remember. I have two forms of my latest ID, one for age says ‘enough’ and the other has a number that was randomly generated at the time.

Rebel: Remind me to not ask about your past again. It seems too confusing.

Sean: I really hope I am the only ‘Sean’ at this point in time.

Outlaw: Wouldn’t there be a chance the other one might be capable of giving us a straight answer.

Sean: Over sixty percent of the time when two of us have met, only one survives.

*Suddenly Avi bursts in the room*

Avi: I finally found you all! I think I found the perfect the perfect color and design for all of you! Just think of how the message we send to the populace as they see us victorious can be changed!

Shadowstrike: I thought I said to lock the door.

Rebel: I am the leader, I don’t have to follow orders. Besides Sean distracted us. *flees*

Outlaw: It can’t be too bad. Besides it makes her happy.

Shadowstrike: You and Sean can go first, then. *flees*

Sean: *Hides under his shell*

Avi: You know I heard everything you just said… *Starts staring at Sean’s shell* It’s so bright and shiny, just like life! The duality of the spiral can represent both the upward climb and the downward fall of society! And I know just how to make it more understandable! *Grabs a brush*

The End

Bermuda Shorts # 3

February 16, 2015

Insightful Thought #3
By Outlaw88

Narrator: And now, an insightful thought.

*Dramatic music*

Narrator: This week’s guest: Majin

Majin: ZZZZZZZZ… *gets poked with a stick* To dream is to follow your heart. To follow your heart is to go on with pride. To play with the world allows us to sleep with dignity. To be able to love is the highest gift of all.

To remember where you came from will help you not to lose where you are going.

Narrator: *Jawdrop*

Majin: I only had me a keg today. Not as buzzzzzzzzed yet.

Narrator: This has been an Insightful Thought.

The End

* * *

A Lifetime in Two Days
By Rebel40000

Dark Knight: *watching TV* Bleh, there’s nothing on. *changes the channel*

Salesman: *on TV* Heeey, there! Are you bored with your life?

Dark Knight: No, not really–

Salesman: Do you wish you could add some “fun” in your day?

Dark Knight: Well, maybe–

Salesman: Or at least find something good to watch on TV!?

Dark Knight: Um–

Salesman: Then try the “Super Turbo Remote Controller”! With this, you can flip through channels at light speed, until you find perfect channel meant for you!

Dark Knight: But I–

Salesman: How does it work? Simple! Just push the big red button on the remote and you will enter light speed, causing your TV to scroll through all of your channels faster than the blink of an eye! On top of that, utilizing the sensor on the remote’s button causes it to determine exactly what you want to watch!

Dark Knight: Sounds interesting, but–

Salesman: And we have a limited time offer! If you dial this number now *a number appears at the bottom of the screen* then you will receive the “Super Turbo Remote Controller” for absolutely free! That’s right, absolutely free for your entire lifetime!

Dark Knight: My entire lifetime!? I’m in! *grabs phone and starts dialing* Yeah, hello? I want that “Super Turbo Remote Controller” that is being sold for a whole free lifetime. Yeah, that one. All right, here is my mailing address and credit card number…

*Two weeks later…*

Dark Knight: *receives a package* All right! Light speed channel surfing, here I come! *opens box and finds a letter* Huh? A letter? *reads*

“Dear Dark Knight,

Thank you for purchasing the “Super Turbo Remote Controller”! We hope you enjoy the two free trial days that come with this fabulous gift! After the two free day trial, you will be automatically charge $35.98 every month. Enjoy!”

Dark Knight: WHAAAAAAAT!? I’ve been had!

*Doorbell rings*

Dark Knight: Now what? *opens door and finds two more packages addressed to him* What the Hell!? *opens them and finds similar letters charging him* I didn’t order these! Why those lousy… *sees the remote* Well, at least I’ve got the remote. Might as well check it out…

*Thus Dark Knight walks over to the living room and sits down in front of the TV.*

Dark Knight: All right, lightspeed surfing here I come! *presses the button and nothing happens* …What? *presses the button more* What is wrong with this thing!? Does it need batteries!?

*Panicking, Dark Knight grabs the remote to try and find the battery casing, only to find that there is none.*

Dark Knight: No… no… *gets on knees and clutches his head* NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

The End

* * *

Bedtime Story
By Outlaw88

*One night in the living room, Rebel, Outlaw, and Shadow were watching a movie.*

Shadowstrike: That car got crushed like it was tin foil!

Rebel: Hell yeah!

Outlaw: Did that guy’s head just explode?!

Rebel: Super Action Movie 5 is kick-ass awesome.

Shadowstrike: You said it!

*Avi enters*

Avi: What are you younguns doing up so late?

Rebel: What do you mean late?

Outlaw: Yeah, it’s only, like 11:30. This is early for us.

Avi: Yes I think you should get early starts in the morning, too.

Shadowstrike: I think her hearing went out. Go away Avi, we’re watching a movie here.

Avi: My hearing is just fine and I’ll hear no more arguing from the three of you. Time for bed. If you do it now I’ll read you a story.

Rebel: Go away, you crazy old coot.

Outlaw: Yeah this is the best part.

Avi: You asked for it.

*After several bashes to the head the three of them are tucked into bed.*

Rebel: Can either of you guys move?

Outlaw: Nope.

Shadowstrike: Nope.

Rebel: Damn… Why did she put Outlaw in the middle? You smell like a foot covered in cheese that was left out in the sun.

Shadowstrike: And since when did we own a bed this big?

Avi: Hush now, children. It’s story time!

Outlaw: Well, at least we’ll get some entertainment out of this.

*Avi sits down in a rocking chair. She pulls out and book and opens it.*

Shadowstrike: Uh, Avi, thats upside…

Avi: Hush now!

Rebel: Just shut up and let her read. The faster she gets done the faster she’ll leave.

Outlaw: So we hope.

Avi: *Ahem* Once upon a rock there was a time that rolled down a hill.

Rebel: What the hell? *gets bopped*

Avi: No swearing!

Shadowstrike: Ha ha, you got hit.

Avi: Quiet you.

Outlaw: Resume.

Avi: At the bottom of the hill was a giant ant named Biff. He has nothing to do with the hero of the pack of gum that was in peril of being hit by a golf club.

Shadowstrike: This is making my head hurt.

Avi: I told you to be quiet.

*Avi shoves a pacifier in Shadow’s mouth.*

Shadowstrike: MMMMMMMM!!!

Outlaw: This is so weird but strangly captivating.

Avi: On the far shore near the fire hydrant there was a magic pair of pants that went on a journy to find his lost pudding cup. He talked to the three knee’ed sloth about the times and the sea shell that once ate a monster truck.

Rebel: I am checking you in to a mental hospital you crazy… *gets bopped*

Avi: No interrupting!

Rebel: SON OF A… *gets bopped*

Avi: No swearing!

Shadowstrike: *sucksuck* Ya know… This isn’t so bad.

Rebel: I’m going to cripple you if you say that again.

Outlaw: So then what happened?

Avi: Right right. So anyway there was this fruit bat who knew the secrets of the forbidden paper clip. This made the cooking oil the president and the belly button lint became the answer to life itself. And they all lived happily ever after. The End.

Rebel: That was…

Shadowstrike: *Suck* Messed up.

Avi: Well that’s it. Good night children!

*Avi turns the lights off and leaves.*

Rebel: Ok she’s gone. Let’s get out of here.

Shadowstrike: *Sucksuck*

Rebel: Spit that out!

Shadowstrike: Awww…

Rebel: Ok, cut us out of here Outlaw.

Shadowstrike: Outlaw?

Outlaw: Zzzzzzzzzzz…

The End

* * *

Unspirited
By Outlaw88

*In the living room area DK and Shadow are playing the Ghostbusters video game*

Dark Knight: YEAH! Trapped another one.

Shadowstrike: Causing massive property damage is fun.

Dark Knight: It really is true. Busting makes you feel good.

Shadowstrike: I don’t know. Something about this doesn’t seem right.

Dark Knight: What the hell are you talking about? What can be wrong with us zapping ghosts?

Shadowstrike: *Pauses the game* Don’t some ghosts deserve some peace after death?

Dark Knight: What?!

Shadowstrike: What if a ghost was just hanging around not bothering anybody? Why would they trap it?

Dark Knight: Look, once you die and wind up a ghost you have no rights. They can shoot you, trap you, and put you in a containment unit, and charge an obscene amount of money for it.

Shadowstrike: What ever happened to respect for the dead?

Dark Knight: Screw that, its all about living.

Shadowstrike: If I died and became a ghost, would you…

Dark Knight: In a heartbeat.

Shadowstrike: You would zap me and trap me?!

Dark Knight: Yes, and if you don’t un-pause the game I’ll make sure it happens soon.

*Shadow gets the game going again.*

Shadowstrike: You’re evil.

Dark Knight: I know.

The End

* * *

Surprise Surprise
By Rebel40000

Metabad: It could be worse.

Sean: *shocked* Ow.

Metabad: It could be worse.

Sean: *shocked* Ow.

Metabad: It could be worse.

Sean: *shocked* Ow.

Metabad: It could be worse.

Sean: *shocked* Ow.

Metabad: It could be worse.

Sean: *shocked* Ow.

Metabad: It could be worse.

Sean: *shocked* Damn it, that’s it. I am sick of getting shocked!

Metabad: Soooooo?

Sean: So, I am going to teach you some manners in proper etiquette!

Metabad: No way, man! NO WAY!! *gets dragged off by Sean*

*A shortwhile later, in a make-shift classroom*

Sean: …And that is that. Questions?

Metabad: *raises hand*

Sean: Yes?

Metabad: So, do I haaaaave to say hello?

Sean: *facepalms* At this rate, I am going to end up like Majin… Look, let me get down to the basics here. Whenever you first meet someone, the proper thing to do is give that person a friendly greeting, which means NOT shocking them or activating their curse and causing pain and misfortune on them…

Metabad: *blinks*

Dark Knight: *sneaks up behind Sean*

Metabad: *blinks*

Sean: …Because, if you were to act in such a manner toward people on a regular basis, then…

Metabad: *blinks*

Dark Knight: *readies self*

Metabad: *blinks*

Sean: …Thus no good will ever come from this current behavior. Any comments?

Metabad: He’s got a bazooka!

Sean: Wait what–

KABOOM!!

Dark Knight: Mwahahahah! *runs out of the classroom*

Metabad: So do I pass, teach!?

Sean: *is in pieces on the floor* Yeah… sure… whatever…

Metabad: RAWKIN’!! *rawks out of the classroom*

Sean: I… hate… my life…

Metabad: *pokes head back in* It could be worse.

Sean: *shocked* Damn it…

The End

Monkey Madness

February 2, 2015

*Written by Shadowstrike*

*It had been one month since the CIA’s sudden break-up. With all of the members having gone their own way, it was a curious sight to see two unlikely members, still onboard the Whale King, stick together, for better or for worse…*

Shadowstrike: *singing* Oh, what a beautiful morning! Oh, what a beautiful day! I’ve got a wonderful feeling today’s going to be a–

Dark Knight: Hi.

Shadowstrike: …Miserable day…

Dark Knight: What are we doing?

Shadowstrike: Flying.

Dark Knight: Oh cool! Where are we going?

Shadowstrike: Wherever I want.

Dark Knight: Can we go to Disneyland?

Shadowstrike: No.

Dark Knight: Disney World?

Shadowstrike: Nope.

Dark Knight: EURO DISNEY?

Shadowstrike: No! I’ve decided that I am going to fulfill my life long dream now that the opportunity presents itself.

Dark Knight: Was this before or after you killed Rebel?

Shadowstrike: Mmm… after.

Dark Knight: And I thought I was messed up.

Shadowstrike: Shut your face.

Dark Knight: ‘Kay. So what dream is this?

Shadowstrike: To become a bounty hunter.

Dark Knight: At Disney Land?

Shadowstrike: Are you still on about that?

Dark Knight: Listen Shadow, my inner demon beckons this… If you know what’s good for you, YOU WILL TAKE ME TO DISNEY WORLD!! *eyes glow red*

Shadowstrike: Dude, calm down. Here… you fly; keep going straight. I’m going to go make breakfast. *leaves room*

Dark Knight: But it’s 3 in the afternoon! Oh well. *grabs the pilot’s wheel*

*Suddenly, there is a flash of bright light appears before DK, momentarily blinding him.*

Dark Knight: Hey! What the Hell? I’m flying here! *is grabbed* What the Hell, man!?

???: EEK! EEK!

Dark Knight: Shadow! Help!!

Shadowstrike: *in the kitchen* Makin’ french toast! Busy!

Dark Knight: OH DEAR GOD, THEY ARE PUTTING ME IN A BAG! OH GOD, NO!

Shadowstrike: Eatin’ french toast! Shut up!

*The chaos is quieted down as DK and his kidnappers disappear with another bright flash.*

Shadowstrike: …Good, he finally shut up. *walks back into the bridge * Aw God damn it, he wasn’t lying. And the ship is crashing. Well, it is Tuesday… *quickly grabs controls*

Man: *behind Shadow* This seems like a problem.

Shadowstrike: *turns around* Who in the Hell are you?

*The man did appear to be quite odd. Sporting mostly black and grey clothes, complete with shades that hide his eyes entirely from view, the only thing that noticeably stood out was his bright red hair, which half of which was shaved off, that jutted out to one side in a mess of spikes. The man himself, however, sported a great smile, trying to show he meant no harm.*

Man: They call me Cyphos, but please, no Mr. Cyphos! *hands him a card*

Shadowstrike: *looks at it* You work at a general store? How’d you get on this ship?

Cyphos: I have my ways of getting around, Mr. Shadowstrike!

Shadowstrike: How’d you know my name?

Cyphos: Oh, details, details… always with the details, Mr. Shadowstrike! *laughs* All you need to know is that I am here to help a good sir such as yourself out.

Shadowstrike: Really, like what?

Cyphos: Well, it seems your friend has been kidnapped.

Shadowstrike: Really? I thought he was just hiding.

Cyphos: Hahaha, that’s a good one, Mr. Shadowstrike! Now here’s another good one–it seems as though your friend was taken through time!

Shadowstrike: Why the Hell would they do that?

Cyphos: So he is even better hidden, of course!

Shadowstrike: Well then, nothing can be done. Let’s keep flying.

Cyphos: You don’t want to save him?

Shadowstrike: I have no way of time travel.

Cyphos: *laughs some more* Well, as I stated, I work for a general store… and we just so happen to carry some time machines!

Shadowstrike: …Wait, why have I never heard about this?

Cyphos: You’re obviously not with the times! *suddenly serious* Everyone has a time machine nowadays.

Shadowstrike: Ugh… so you’re going to con me into buying one, aren’t you?

Cyphos: How could you say that!? I am hurt, Mr. Shadowstrike. Look, I’ll do you a favor… and give you some coupons! *hands him a book*

Shadowstrike: *looks at it* This isn’t even for your store.

Cyphos: Whoops! My bad! *takes it back* We’ll just worry about the details later then, mm’kay?

Shadowstrike: Fine, whatever. But I still don’t trust you. What exactly are you doing here?

Cyphos: *raises hands up innocently* Oopsie-daisy! Well, allow me to explain then, good sir. The ones who kidnapped Mr. Dark Knight are monkeys.

Shadowstrike: Yep, and I’m a monkey’s uncle.

Cyphos: Well if you are, you could have fooled me! Regardless, those monkeys belonged to the store I work at.

Shadowstrike: And let me guess, you sell monkeys along with your time machine.

Cyphos: *serious* No, we just like monkeys.

Shadowstrike: …I see.

Cyphos: *smiling broadly* Anyway, the monkeys got loose, and stole some of the time machine equipment along with some other products for their own misuse. Using my monkey radar (which is also for sale at our store), I tracked them down to this location, and thus… here I am!

Shadowstrike: So let me get this straight… you work at a general store that sells time machines and monkey radars, and you keep a bunch of monkeys around because you like them, only for them to escape and get on board this ship somehow, which resulted in Dark Knight getting kidnapped and sent through time?

Cyphos: Hmm… that about sums it up, I’d say! *starts rubbing hands together* Now, will you please lend me your assistance?

Shadowstrike: I don’t know… I was busy eatin’ french toast…

Cyphos: Wellll… I heard that you were also interested in becoming a bounty hunter… Consider it training!

Shadowstrike: *exasperated* All right, fine. Just take me to one of your time machines.

Cyphos: Well, you are indeed in luck, Mr. Shadowstrike, for I came especially prepared and already set one up on the ship!

*Enthusiastically, Cyphos grabs Shadow and drags him to a lower level of the ship, into a room that was completely decked out with high tech equipment, and a strange pad in the middle.*

Shadowstrike: The Hell? I thought you said you just installed a time machine!

Cyphos: It’s not just a time machine… It’s a time STATION!! And all of this is yours for five easy payments of $39.99!

Shadowstrike: …Mr. Cyphos.

Cyphos: *serious* Oh, please, call me Cyphos, Mr. Shadowstrike. I hate formalities.

Shadowstrike: …Right. Well, I don’t remember ever agreeing to purchasing anything.

Cyphos: Then let’s just call this a free trial!

Shadowstrike: *facepalms*

Cyphos: Anyway, I will help monitor your progress from here while you go out there and catch some monkeys. I think this will make us quite the team!

Shadowstrike: What do I need to do now?

Cyphos: Let me see… first, you need to get some special weapons for this time travel!

Shadowstrike: Special weapons? Like what?

Cyphos: Well, here, have a look see! *weapons appear before Shadow *

Shadowstrike: Is this a butterfly net? Okay, I’ll use them somehow. Maybe I can be awesome with these. What do you want in return?

Cyphos: Don’t worry about that yet, Mr. Shadowstrike! *serious* We have more important things right now, do we not?

Shadowstrike: We do?

Cyphos: *smiling* Like saving your friend, Mr. Dark Knight?

Shadowstrike: We’re still doing that?

Cyphos: *laughs* You are!

Shadowstrike: I am?

Cyphos: Yes, yes you are!

Shadowstrike: Aw… okay. What do I do now?

Cyphos: Well, just stand on that platform in the middle and you will be teleported to the nearest time stream that Dark Knight is in.

Shadowstrike: I just step–*steps on the platform and disappears *

Cyphos: Thaaaaat’s right!

*In a prehistoric time, with dinosaurs and an active volcano…*

Shadowstrike: –here? Wait! What?! Where the hell am I?!

T-rex: *roars and charges *

Shadowstrike: Oh, god damn it! *runs off *

*A few hours later…*

Shadowstrike: Day 1, Time Stamp… unsure. Personal Log #1. I arrived here, crashed into the mud. I’m hiding in a tree and am unsure of my mission. Will look for Dark Knight in the morning. Will kick ass upon finding. End log.

*The next day…*

Shadowstrike: *yawns* All right, let’s go! *starts to run but trips on a wire* What the!?

???: EEK! EEK! *throws a net on Shadow*

Shadowstrike: Aw, god damn it! *cuts the net to pieces with a Sonic Slicer*

???: EEK! EEK! *knocks Shadow out with a boulder*

*Later…*

Shadowstrike: Ugh… this trip is fucking horrible.

Dark Knight: *in a cage* Told you we should have gone to Disney World!

Shadowstrike: YOU! I’ll KILL YOU! *tries to run but realizes he is chained*

???: Well, hello there, Ostrich Man.

Shadowstrike: The name is Shadowstrike, get it right.

???: I will call you Ostrich Man.

Shadowstrike: Call me that again and I will break your neck.

Dark Knight: I don’t know, Ostrich Man has a better ring to it.

Shadowstrike: *looks at Dark Knight* I’m not talking to you.

Dark Knight: But–

Shadowstrike: NOT.

Dark Knight: OSTRIC-

Shadowstrike: TALKING TO YOU!

???: Hello. I’m still here, can I finish my monologue?

Shadowstrike: Sure, go ahead.

???: Well, Ostrich Man, you are in the privilege of being in the presence of the new Supreme Being of the Universe!

Shadowstrike: Man, its Wednesday again, isn’t it?

???: Now, bow before your master… SPECTOR!

Shadowstrike: Nah, I’m gonna call you Monkey Man.

Dark Knight: Cos he’s the monkey, he’s the monkey man, really really really really monkey man!

Specter: Quiet, fool! *shocks DK*

Dark Knight: Ow! Since when do I get shocked!?

Shadowstrike: I like this guy.

Specter: Anyway, I know you were sent by that Cyphos fellow to capture me and my cohorts. But you will not succeed.

Shadowstrike: And what makes you say that?

Specter: One who knows nothing, understands nothing…

Dark Knight: Do tell. *shocked* Okay, going to shut up now…

Specter: Your simple presence here signifies that your fate, along with your crabby friend here, has been determined and sealed. Even if you somehow manage to stop me–

Shadowstrike: Yeah, yeah, I’m bored now. Can we just get this over with?

Specter: Tell you what: I’m feeling sporty, Ostrich Man. I’m going to release my minions into this jungle. If you manage to capture them all, I’ll release your friend. Now go, and make my day! Bwahahaha! *Shadow’s lock release*

Shadowstrike: Grr… I’ll get you for this Monkey Man! *runs off *

Dark Knight: So… um…

Specter: *shocks DK again*

Dark Knight: *knocked out*

*Out in the jungle…*

Shadowstrike: Got myself into a zany adventure here. Now how am I gonna capture some monkeys?

Cyphos: *voice* Why Mr. Shadowstrike, just use some of those time weapons I gave you!

Shadowstrike: Oh, hey there, Cyphos. What do you mean?

Cyphos: Well, I gave you a stun baton.

Shadowstrike: Aw, I thought this was a lightsabre.

Cyphos: And you also have a time net! Capture anything in that, and they will be transported here to the time station, where I will make short work of them!

Shadowstrike: Anything else?

Cyphos: *serious* I’m sure Mr. Shadowstrike doesn’t need anything else.

Shadowstrike: You’re right! These monkeys are done!

Cyphos: *laughs* That they are! Now get to it!

Shadowstrike: I’m so on this! *runs and trips on a banana peel* OW!

Monkey: EEK! EEEK! EEK!

Shadowstrike: OH, GET BACK HERE! *runs towards the monkey*

Monkey: EEEK! *helmet turns red and climbs a tree*

Shadowstrike: OH, NO YOU DON’T *is hit by a coconut* GRR! *another coconut* GRR!! *another coconut* …I’ll be back for you! *runs off*

Monkey: EEK! *Dances and falls off the tree*

*In another part of the jungle…*

Monkey: Eek, eek EEK! *sees a banana* EEEK!! *goes barreling towards the banana and gets caught in a leg rope trap* EEK!* reaches valiantly for the banana*

Shadowstrike: Haha! Got ya! *bashes him with the stun club* This is sooo therapeutic. Okay, sorry little buddy. *catches him in the time net, and he disappears *

Cyphos: Good job, Mr. Shadowstrike! You caught your first monkey!

Shadowstrike: And I ain’t done yet!

*In some ruined temples…*

Shadowstrike: Where the Hell did ruined temples come from? There’s a T-rex stomping around here for crying out loud.

Monkey: *wearing shades* EEK! *starts firing an uzi at Shadowstrike*

Shadowstrike: Aw, come on! An uzi? Damn, that means he can’t die. *dodges effortlessly* Still this is gonna suck–*gets shot in the foot*–OW! GOD DAMNIT! *throws a Sonic Slicer, slicing the uzi in half*

Monkey: EEK! EEEK! *runs towards Shadow, now wearing boxing gloves* EEK!

Shadowstrike: Oh, bring it on! *swings the stun club*

Monkey: EEK!

*The monkey catches stun club, and punches Shadowstrike in the face. He goes flying out of the ruins.*

Shadowstrike: God… damn it! *races in only to go flying out again* GOD DAMN IT! *does it again* GOD DAMN IT!! *one more time* Okay… okay. Calm it down. Calm it down. Let’s use my brain. *calmly walks into the ruins*

Monkey: EEEK! *charges and swings at Shadowstrike*

Shadowstrike: *parries with the stun club* Not this time.

Monkey: *punches and punches to no avail, each one being parried by the Stun Club* EEK! *steps back and does a charge swing *

Shadowstrike: *dodges and trips the monkey with the stun club*

Monkey: *falls and is stunned*

Shadowstrike: Nice try, primate! *catches the monkey in the time net*

Cyphos: Monkey get! Move on to the next one, Mr. Shadowstrike.

Shadowstrike: Heh. I plan on it!

*Later…*

Monkey: *wearing blue pants* EEK! *hops on a Triceratops*

Shadowstrike: How… how the Hell am I gonna…

Monkey: EEK! *points at Shadow and the triceratops starts to charge towards him*

Shadowstrike: God damn it! *runs*

Monkey: EEK EEK EEK!

Shadowstrike: Gotta time this right… *jumps and throws the monkey net backwards*

Monkey: EEEK!! *is captured*

*Upon capturing the monkey, the triceratops suddenly calms down and begins eating some grass.*

Shadowstrike: Phew. That could have gone worse. *just then another monkey appears* You again! *runs*

Monkey: EEK! EEK! *grabs time net and runs up his tree*

Shadowstrike: GOD DAMNIT! YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! OH, YOU ARE SO DONE! *tries to jump up the three but is bashed on the head by a coconut* Okay, time for the smart idea. *throws a Sonic Slicer and chops down the tree*

Monkey: EEK!! *is knocked out by the tree falling down*

Shadowstrike: I’ll take that back. *grabs the time net and catches the monkey*

Cyphos: Great job, Mr. Shadowstrike! There is only one monkey left to catch!

Shadowstrike: Heh, not for much longer! *runs off*

*In a deep valley…*

Shadowstrike: All right, there’s the last monkey… and he’s riding a T-rex… grrreeeeaaaat…

Monkey: EEK! *the monkey makes the T-rex charge towards Shadow*

Shadowstrike: Shit! *runs, but trips and gets cornered* Oh, I would trip now! Damn it!

T-rex: GRWARRRR!! *charges towards the downed Shadowstrike*

Shadowstrike: Well, this has been fun. *readys a Sonic Slicer* I’ll make sure he chokes.

*Right as the T-rex is about to slam into Shadow another T-rex stops him, pushing him aside!*

Shadowstrike: What?! Oh, it’s that one from before…

T-rex #2: ROARRR!! *slams his tail into the other T-rex and the monkey goes flying into the cliff wall and is embedded*

Shadowstrike: Now’s my chance! *dashes off towards the monkey and catches it* Hell yeah! *strikes a pose* Mission Complete! *power slides and hears a large crash* Oh man! What happened with those T-rexes?

T-rex #2: *stands over the other fallen T-rex and looks at Shadow* ROARRR!!

Shadowstrike: Aw… come on…

*Back at Spector’s Lair…*

Dark Knight: I’m warnin’ ya! You better let me out now or you’ll have to suffer the wrath of THE DEMON WITHIN ME!! OOOooooOOOooooOOOHHH!!

Specter: … *shocks DK*

Dark Knight: Ow…

Specter: Hmm… It would seem that all of my minions have been removed from the area. Your companion did a fine job.

Dark Knight: Yeah, but I probably could have done it better. Then I could have kicked your ass back to Kentucky!

Specter: Ugh… you are too loud. *shocks DK again*

Dark Knight: STOP THAT!!

Specter: Honestly, at this point I am hoping your friend will show up so I can do away with you. I have many plans and it doesn’t involve playing games with a crab and ostrich.

Dark Knight: What kind of plans?

Specter: Like… TAKING OVER THE UNIVERSE!!

Bison: OF COURSE!!

Specter: How did you get here? I don’t remember letting you in! Get out of my sight!

Bison: Fine, whatever. *cough* Asshole. *cough*

Specter: *watching him leave* Now, let’s try that again…

Dark Knight: OF CO–*shocked yet again*–IT WAS A JOKE, SHEESH!!

Specter: Once more, I–*the ground starts shaking* What is that noise?

Dark Knight: Iunno.

*The shaking increases, as the walls starts to rattle, threatening to crumble apart! Then finally, at the last minute, the door breaks wide open, revealing…*

Shadowstrike: *riding the T-rex* MONKEY MAAAAAN!!

Dark Knight: *cowering* We’re all going to die!

Specter: *unphased* Oh good, it’s you. You couldn’t have arrived a moment sooner. *frees Dark Knight* Take your friend and go… or better yet, I’ll do it myself. Universe to conquer and all that. *begins to leave*

Shadowstrike: OH NO YOU WON’T!

*The T-rex swings his tail at Spector, knocking him into the air.*

Specter: This is QUITE a BOTHER! *lands back on his feet and raises his hand*

Shadowstrike and T-rex: *hit by an unseen force* Ugh!

Specter: Now I will TAKE my leave and you will WATCH as your UNIVERSE is torn ASUNDER!

Dark Knight: Not so fast! *hits Spector with a volley of bubbles*

Specter: Grah! Cheeky crab! Perhaps it was a mistake letting you out of your cage so soon. No matter. *blasts DK back with his powers*

Dark Knight: Whoa! *hits the wall* Urgh…

Specter: I have no time for this monkey business. I have many things to do! Busy, busy, busy! *turns to leave*

Shadowstrike: *slowly getting back up* I… don’t… think so…! *throws the stun club*

Specter: *turns around and knocks it out of the way*

Dark Knight: *gets hit with it* Owch!

Specter: Fool. You should have learned by now that there is no hope for you to win! *hits Shadow with more force*

Shadowstrike: Oogh! *gets pressed back*

Specter: *walking toward Shadow* I will gladly crush every bone in your body, Ostrich Man!

Shadowstrike: For the last time… it’s… Shadowstrike!

Specter: OSTRICH MAN!!

*The scene continues as Shadow screams in pain, as Spector applies more force, with the intent on crushing him.*

Specter: And now, with this, I will prove to you why I am the dominant force in the universe–*gets clobbered upside the head*

Dark Knight: *holding the stun club* …

Shadowstrike: *gasping for breath* …

Dark Knight: …So…

Shadowstrike: GIVE ME THAT!! *takes the club and bashes DK over the head with it*

Dark Knight: Ow! What was that for?

Shadowstrike: I was supposed to be the hero of this story!

Dark Knight: Oh… well, you can still capture him.

Shadowstrike: Meh, I guess. *captures Spector with the time net*

Cyphos: Good work, Mr. Shadowstrike! And I see Mr. Dark Knight is safe, too!

Dark Knight: Who is that?

Shadowstrike: Cyphos. He’s a cool dude.

Cyphos: Please, I am not worthy of such words! Now, should I teleport you all back to the time station?

Shadowstrike: As long as we bring my bud! *points at the T-rex*

T-rex: *slowly gets back up and roars*

Dark Knight: …A T-rex? Really?

Shadowstrike: His name is Shepard. Isn’t it Shepard? *pats Shepard on the head*

Shepard: *roars happily*

Cyphos: All righty, then. Teleporting you all back!

Shadowstrike: Go for it!

Cyphos: Right away, Mr. Shadowstrike! *a bright flash and the three are back in the time station*

Shadowstrike: Thanks Cyphos. We really appreciate your help.

Cyphos: Oh, not a problem at all! I do love to lend a helping hand! Plus we captured Spector and the rest of those no-good monkeys. I’m certain that peace will soon be restored to the world!

Dark Knight: If you say so.

Cyphos: But I do! But please… *gets serious* I hope you will consider purchasing a time machine.

Shadowstrike: After all of this you still want to sell one!?

Cyphos: But of course I do! What kind of salesman would I be to let a little old thing like the fate of the entire universe prevent me from selling products! Hahaha!

Dark Knight: He’s got a point.

Shadowstrike: Quiet, you.

Cyphos: Anyway, with this I believe I shall bid you gentlemen farewell. *nods* Mr. Shadowstrike; Mr. Dark Knight.

*With that Cyphos begins to walk away, leaving the two adventurers alone.*

Shadowstrike: …You know, he left all of that time equipment here.

Dark Knight: Eh, could be worse. *pauses* It just isn’t the same…

Shadowstrike: Go cry more.

Dark Knight: I won’t if we go to Tokyo DisneySea.

Shadowstrike: Enough with the Disney already!

Dark Knight: INNER DEMON!!

Shadowstrike: I DON’T CARE.

Dark Knight: Hmph. Fine. At least I can go play with the dino. *goes to pet Shepard but he chases him around the station* AAAAAAAAAAH! WHAT THE HELL!?

Shadowstrike: Oh yeah, I trained him to do that. Isn’t he just the best dinosaur?

Shepard: ROAAAR!!

The End

The Immortal Evil

January 24, 2015

*Written by Outlaw88*

*At an unknown location, The Rat and his crew are relaxing by a fire. One that is fueled by the remains of a town they went through.*

The Rat: That was fun. I sure hope the next place we come to puts up more of a fight. This last one was too easy.

Dead Man: …

R.O.B.: Beep.

The Rat: I wonder if there are any hamsters I can throw in the fire?

Yuber: You’ve done well Rat.

The Rat: Whose there?!

*The Rat is now fully alert. He is looking for the source of the voice. Yuber appears in the fire and leaps in front of the trio.*

The Rat: Oh, it’s you. What do you want?

Yuber: You have surpassed all my expectations; a true vessel of destruction and despair.

The Rat: I’ll ask only once more; what do you want?!

Yuber: You are the perfect choice to round out my dark force. It is time for you to repay your debt to me.

The Rat: I don’t own you anything.

Yuber: I brought you back.

The Rat: Then consider that opening Pandora’s Box. I do things my way, and my way only. I take orders from no one!

*Yuber chuckles at this remark.*

The Rat: Think that’s funny huh? Well as my way of “paying you back,” I’m going to give you a count of three before I blow your head off.

Yuber: I don’t think you understand, Rat.

The Rat: THREE!

*The Rat fires a blast from his arm cannon. Yuber disappears and shows up in a different spot. The Rat shoots at him each time he reappears to no avail.*

Yuber: As I said…

The Rat: STAY STILL!

Yuber: You don’t understand.

*Yuber appears right behind The Rat and places a hand on his shoulder. The Rat becomes immobile.*

Yuber: You also don’t have a choice.

*A dark cloud engulfs The Rat.*

The Rat: AHHHHH!

Dead Man: …

R.O.B.: Beep.

*The cloud has now gone. The Rat stands with his head bowed. Yuber walks to the front of him.*

Yuber: That took a bit more power than I thought, but you are now ready to be my second general.

The Rat: Yes.

*Yuber casts a glance at Dead Man and R.O.B. Nega emerges from the shadows.*

Yuber: We don’t need your services. Your friend here just got a massive power boost. No one will be able to stop him now.

The Rat: Yes.

Nega: Do you want me to destroy those two?

Yuber: No need to waste your time on them.

Nega: How close until we are ready?

Yuber: Taking control of our new friend took more out of me than I had anticipated. I need to recover before I can create the rest of our army. Once I do we will be unstoppable.

Nega: I can’t wait.

*Yuber, Nega, and The Rat vanish.*

Dead Man: …

R.O.B.: Beep.

*We join our hero’s in their home base, the Whale King. It is on the ground and each member of the C:IA is doing their own thing. There is a downhearted feeling among the team and tensions are high.*

Majin: Does you have me lolli? I’zzzz gon use it as a stir thing. Swizzle!

Shadowstrike: What makes you think I’d want anything you touched? No, I don’t have your lollipop. Go bother someone else.

Majin: Ohhhhhkay Mr. long neck slinky man!

Shadowstrike: “Slinky man?”

Majin: Hey…Fish stick guy!

Dark Knight: Are you talking to me?

Majin: Ya. You haz lolz?

Metabad: The LOLZ? I gots them! LOL!

Majin: No, no. I needz the swizzle. THE SWIZZLE! I tink it was can be cherry. Had gum in it too.

Dark Knight: Ohhh. You mean candy. Yeah I ate that already.

Metabad: He gave me the gum!

Shadowstrike: Wait, so he gave you the stuff that was in the center of the thing he had in his mouth all day?

Metabad: Yeah! It RAWKED!

Shadowstrike: You guys make my head hurt. Can’t this discussion be somewhere other than near me?

Majin: You…ate the flavor maker?

Dark Knight: Yup.

Majin: You haz…The chewy?

Metabad: Yup, yup!

Majin: MOOOOO!

*Majin dives at them. They begin to fight.*

Shadowstrike: I’m going to leave now.

Dark Knight: Just don’t crash the ship again!

Shadowstrike: THAT DOES IT!

*Shadow joins the melee. Outlaw walks in.*

Outlaw: Hey guys! You want to watch a… Oh you’re fighting. I’ll wait.

Sean: What’s going on?

Outlaw: They’re fighting again.

Sean: What happened this time?

Outlaw: Don’t know. Want to watch a movie?

Sean: Which one?

Outlaw: I was thinking we could watch Memento for a start then something fun like The Brave Little Toaster!

Sean: Dude, those movies are stupid.

Outlaw: They are not!!!

Sean: You’re too easily amused!

Outlaw: You have poor taste!

Sean: Do not!

Outlaw: Do too!

*They continue to argue all while the fight between DK, Metabad, Shadow, and Majin rages on. Suddenly Rebel enters the room.*

Rebel: EVERYBODY SHUT THE FUCK UP!

*Everyone freezes. Rebel goes over to the couch, opens a Coke and slumps down.*

Metabad: Rebel! He hit me!

Rebel: I’m not your mother. I don’t give a damn if you beat the hell out of each other, just quit with all the noise.

Sean: You alright?

Rebel: Of course I’m not alright! I’m pissed off! Plus I was thinking.

Shadowstrike: *Under his breath* Bet that hurt.

Rebel: What was that?!

Shadowstrike: Nothing.

Outlaw: What had you thinking? Was it about Void?

Rebel: …Yeah. I was trying to think of how all this got started. Why did events like this have to happen? Then it dawned on me. Things started to go downhill for us when we met Yuber.

*At the mention of this name the group becomes serious. They nod in agreement to this.*

Sean: But what can we do about it? We don’t know where he is; he’s super fast and powerful and always finds us first. And even if we got lucky and hit him with anything, he’s immortal.

Shadowstrike: Not to mention he can create monsters on a whim.

Outlaw: And he has Nega on his side…

Rebel: I know. But there has got to be a way to defeat him. Last time we saw him he said he wouldn’t come after us until he was completely ready. I could only guess what and when that might be, but if we wait for it we won’t stand a chance.

???: You are absolutely correct.

*The team is startled by this strange voice. They prepare themselves for anything. A large form appears in front of them. It appears to be a man, clothed in black armor. His face is hidden.*

Rebel: Who are you?! What do you want with us?

Pesmerga: I am the black knight, Pesmerga and I am here to assist you in your quest.

Dark Knight: Hey, I’m the Dark Knight!

Majin: It’s only a flesh wound… *Hic*

Sean: Shut up you two!

Shadowstrike: Why do you want to help us?

Outlaw: And how can you do it?

Pesmerga: I have been pursuing Yuber for centuries; he has to answer for all the crimes he has committed.

Metabad: Centuries?! Duuuuude, you must him must be like…Super old.

Pesmerga: More than you will ever know.

Majin: Bidoof…

Rebel: So you’ve been hunting him for a long time; that doesn’t explain how and why you’re going to help us.

Pesmerga: I can take you to where Yuber is. He just recently used a large amount of power and won’t be able to make the monsters that would make up his army until he recovers it. I was able to locate him to this dimension, and I know where he would be. As for the why, that is simple. He is my enemy as he is yours. This is the perfect time for you to strike and it can only be done with my help.

Outlaw: Sounds like a plan to me.

Sean: Wait. Why did Yuber use a large amount of his power?

Dark Knight: Hey, yeah! Is this some kind of trap or something?

Shadowstrike: If it was a trap he wouldn’t have told us anything.

Dark Knight: But still!! We could be headed to our…DOOM!

Majin: Doomy doomy doom!

Pesmerga: I’m not entirely sure what his purpose was. He isn’t at full strength and that is what matters most.

Sean: Figures. Look, we’ve been through a lot of crap in the past and I just can’t trust someone who just appears in front of us. What’s the deal between you and Yuber?

Pesmerga: Hmmm…

Shadowstrike: Well?

Pesmerga: I can’t tell you all the details as it would be beyond your understanding. Yuber has been a source of misery and despair and it was assigned to me the task of stopping him. He was once a part of a higher order and wore armor similar to mine but he went rouge and betrayed those who once trusted him.

Metabad: So he didn’t RAWK?

Pesmerga: No.

Shadowstrike: What “higher order” are you talking about?

Pesmerga: I cannot say.

Dark Knight: This sounds way over my head man. Are you and he, like, cosmic beings or something? Yuber said he was a demon. Does that make you one as well?

Pesmerga: He and I are not alike. Beyond that I’m afraid I can say no more on the subject.

Majin: Hey…. Do any of yooz guyz see da creepy guy here? Him and dat pink elephant is makin me head go woop woop woooob.

*Rebel bops Majin on the head.*

Rebel: I don’t care either way. You can take us to Yuber and you say he’s in a weakened state. That’s more than enough reason for me to go.

Outlaw: I’m with ya boss bug!

Metabad: YEAH! We’ll kick his butt old school cuz we RAWK like chicken nuggets!

Sean: I wish you would stop talking. Anyway I don’t agree with this. Even with these conditions, it doesn’t change the fact that Yuber is immortal.

Pesmerga: Leave that detail to me. I assure you that if you choose to face Yuber now you will stand the best chance you will ever get. If you refuse my offer you will surely die at his hands. Are you up to this fight?

*After a bit more debating and some thought the team agrees to go face Yuber.*

Shadowstrike: Ok Pesmerga, just tell me where to go and I’ll get the Whale King going.

Pesmerga: That won’t be necessary. Where we are going is neither here nor anywhere.

Metabad: Wut?

Majin: Doez you mean…The inbetween?

Rebel: Stop being stupid.

Pesmerga: Actually, he’s right.

Dark Knight: No way! Majin was right about something?! The world must be ending.

Sean: I’ve heard of this. It’s a place that lies in between worlds and can act as a gateway to other places. Supposedly it’s just an empty void.

Rebel: Don’t say that word now.

Sean: Sorry.

Outlaw: Majin, have you been there dude?

Majin: Yuh.

Pesmerga: That is where he is, and that is where we must go.

*Pesmerga raises his hand. A swirling vortex appears.*

Pesmerga: Are you ready?

Rebel: Let’s do this, guys!

Shadowstrike: For the C:IA!

Outlaw: For Void!

Sean: For everyone Yuber has hurt!

Metabad: For kicking his ass!

Majin: Four more beers would be good.

Dark Knight: For… I can’t think of anything cool to say. Let’s kill us some demon scum!

*They enter the vortex.*

Outlaw: This feels so funky.

Majin: Da tingles be over soon.

*They arrive to the world that lies in between all others. It is a land that is mostly in shadow. There are various paths that lead to other worlds.*

Sean: Never thought I’d see this place.

Majin: Zoomzoomzoom…

Rebel: So where do we need to go?

Pesmerga: Forward.

Rebel: Forward huh, nothing else to add to that? Maybe we should we limit ourselves to one word sentences now.

*Pesmerga glares at Rebel.*

Rebel: Never mind.

Shadowstrike: Anyone else getting the creeps?

Dark Knight: From Pesmerga or this weird place?

Shadowstrike: Both.

Metabad: Hey Outlaw, think that crazy chick is here?

Sean: Dude!

Outlaw: Only one way to find out I guess.

Rebel: Is this going to be an issue with you if the worst should happen?

Outlaw: No, I can handle this.

Shadowstrike: How much further?

Pesmerga: It won’t be long now. Yuber will no doubt have sensed us.

*Elsewhere: Yuber is hovering in a meditative state high in the air. The Rat and Nega are staring at each other. Nega is looking at him in disgust. The Rat doesn’t seem to care.*

Nega: If we weren’t working together I’d probably kill you.

The Rat: Same goes double for you. You had better hope that you don’t get demoted because I’ll show you no mercy.

Nega: It doesn’t matter. Once our master has made our army we will have our own troops to lead. I won’t have to look at your ugly face as much as I have to now.

*The Rat gives her a grin. He then makes the throat cut gesture at her.*

Nega: Is that a threat?

The Rat: No, just a warning. Don’t mess with me bitch, and don’t get in my way.

*Yuber pays them no mind. He is busy collecting his energy. Suddenly his concentration is disrupted. He feels the presence of the C:IA. He lands in front of his generals.*

Yuber: We have company.

Nega: Is it them? How could they have found us here?

Yuber: I think an old friend of mine is with them. He must be banking on the fact that I’m not 100%. But he doesn’t know what he’s getting himself into. We need to deal with them now.

Nega: But we don’t have our army!

Yuber: No matter. We should be able to take care of things ourselves. I won’t have my plans stopped now.

The Rat: Let me at them first! I’ll make sure they never bother us again.

Yuber: So be it. Come, it’s time to show our faces to our guests.

*The trio vanishes. Back with the C:IA the team continues to walk. The path they are on seems to stretch for eternity and the surrounding area seems limitless. There are rock formations here and there, but the land is lifeless.*

Dark Knight: What a dull place.

Shadowstrike: Where the heck are we going anyway? I don’t see an end to this path.

Sean: I don’t think there is an end.

*Yuber appears.*

Yuber: That is where you are wrong. It all ends here for you.

Pesmerga: It’s about time you showed yourself Yuber. Today we finish things once and for all.

Yuber: Hello Pesmerga. You’ve finally caught up with me, and you even brought the loser squad.

Rebel: Real clever. I’ll bet you won’t be so funny when I kick your teeth down your throat!

Yuber: I doubt you’ll get the chance. Let me introduce you to my generals Pesmerga. This mistress of the sword is Nega.

*Nega appears. *

Nega: There is no hope for you.

Yuber: And the ultimate fighting machine; The Rat.

*The Rat appears.*

The Rat: Miss me Island Attackers?

Shadowstrike: Aw crap.

Dark Knight: Not you again!

Majin: Oh teh noez!

Sean: He must be what Yuber used his energy on.

Outlaw: As if he wasn’t tough enough already…

Yuber: They’re all yours Rat.

*Yuber and Nega vanish. *

The Rat: No distractions or crazy shovel guys to save you now. When I’m done there won’t be anything left to bury.

Rebel: Big talk from a small fry. C:IA!

*Rebel opens a can of Coke and begins to chug. The rest of the team prepare for battle.*

The Rat: Bring it.

*Rebel finishes his drink and crushes the can. *

Rebel: KICK HIS ASS!

*Shadow is the first to take action. He races towards the Rat and lands a powerful punch. The Rat rebounds and sends a flurry of energy blasts at Shadow and the rest of the team. Majin is hit and sent back but the others are able to dodge.*

Majin: Owie!

Sean: You ok?

Majin: Yuh. Me throw vine now!

*Majin whips and electrified vine at The Rat but misses. The Rat is in constant motion as he’s jumping, running and firing his weapons non-stop.*

Dark Knight: He’s a lot faster this time around.

*Metabad is flung back hard. Outlaw manages to catch him before he lands on his head.*

Metabad: His stuff hurts more too.

Outlaw: Anytime you want to step in and help is fine with us, Pesmerga.

Pesmerga: This is not my fight.

Rebel: WHAT?!

Pesmerga: My business is with Yuber and Yuber alone.

Shadowstrike: Great.

Rebel: Forget him. We handle this our way. Lets show this rabies factory who we are!

Outlaw, Majin, Shadowstrike, Metabad, Dark Knight, and Sean: YEAH!

*The team couldn’t stay still for long as a large blast forced them to separate.*

The Rat: Keep running! It makes it more fun for me!

Dark Knight: I really hate this guy.

Outlaw: Take this!

*Outlaw fires a spin wheel at The Rat, who easily jumps out of the way. However he jumps right into the vine Majin has thrown and is slammed down to the ground where Shadow unleashes a barrage of sonic slicers.*

Rebel: Good job guys!

The Rat: Good, but not enough to stop me!

*The Rat quickens his pace. He is now landing far more blows on the team and they are slowing down and getting beat up. Sean is returning fire but is unable to hit his target.*

Sean: This is getting us nowhere.

*Rebel has a bit more luck with his magnet mines. They are hitting The Rat but he is shrugging it off like it was nothing.*

The Rat: Are you even trying? This is too easy!

Shadowstrike: You won’t be laughing after this! Metabad, do your thing!

*Metabad fires a speed burner. Shadow runs with the flame giving it far more power and momentum. He stops and fires a sonic slicer into the wave of fire causing it to become a hyper flame attack. This knocks The Rat back several feet. *

Metabad: YEAH! RAWKIN!

Dark Knight: Did that do it?

Majin: Da mousey go bye?

*Before anyone can answer they have to scramble out of the way of another blast.*

The Rat: Now I’m pissed! I’m going to do what I should have done the first time around!

*The Rat begins to charge up his main gun. His added power is causing him to glow and send off waves of energy, pushing the Island Attackers back.*

Outlaw: This is so not cool.

Shadowstrike: There’s no way we can tell how big and fast that shot will be! This could be the end you guys.

Rebel: Not yet.

Metabad: Wut?

Rebel: Get ready Sean, just like we talked about.

Sean: I’m ready.

Dark Knight: You actually have a plan for this?

Majin: Wow.

The Rat: DIE!

*The Rat points his arm cannon at the team. Before he has a chance to fire, however, Sean fires a crystal and is immediately followed by an explosive mine from Rebel. The shot is rocketed towards The Rat and has become smaller. The crystal slams inside The Rat’s arm cannon just as he is about to fire. The energy is stopped.*

Sean: Perfect shot!

The Rat: SHIT!

*The energy backfires on The Rat. His body can’t take it and splits him into several pieces in a massive explosion.*

Rebel, Outlaw, Majin, Shadowstrike, Metabad, Dark Knight, and Sean: WOOOOO!!!

Outlaw: We did it!

Dark Knight: That was so kickass-awesome!

Shadowstrike: How did you guys come up with that?

Rebel: It was one of Void’s ideas. Figured I would give it a try.

Sean: I can’t believe how well that worked.

Pesmerga: Well done.

Rebel: No thanks to you.

Pesmerga: There is one more thing to do.

*Pesmerga walks over to the upper torso of The Rat. He holds out his hand. A moment later the dark cloud of evil rises and collects into a ball of energy. Pesmerga closes his hand around it and extinguishes it.*

Pesmerga: Yuber won’t be getting this back.

Metabad: Was that, like, the evil?

Dark Knight: Some kind of power or something?

Pesmerga: Yes, you could say that.

The Rat: Heh….Heh….Heh…

Outlaw: You’re still alive?! Damn you are tough.

The Rat: You’d….you’d better…..kill…kill me now…Cuz…I’ll make it my….life’s goal…to…

*The Rat tries to move but is far too damaged.*

The Rat: KILL YOU!

Rebel: Guess we should do as he says.

*Rebel is about to stomp The Rat’s head but The Rat fades away before he could do it.*

Dark Knight: What the hell?

Pesmerga: His part in this battle is over. Once the dark energy is gone Yuber’s influence and hold on him is lifted and he is sent back to your world.

Majin: Suck. Rebel almost did head stompy! Me wanted to see dat…

Pesmerga: It is time we move on.

Outlaw: Hold on a sec. We need a bit to recover.

Shadowstrike: Yeah. This must be part of the plot. Get us all beat up before we get to Yuber so we won’t stand a chance.

Pesmerga: Ah, I almost forgot.

*Pesmerga raises his hand. A healing light envelopes the team and fully recovers them. It even manages to take some of the beer buzz from Majin, making him a bit more coherent.*

Sean: That was handy.

Metabad: Dude! You RAWK man! I feel great!

Rebel: I take it back dark man, you’re a big help.

Pesmerga: Let’s move on.

*The team resumes their journey. In another location, Yuber is furious.*

Yuber: Damn them! DAMN THEM!

Nega: I knew the rodent couldn’t handle it. He was too erratic to be your general anyway.

Yuber: It’s your turn then. Don’t disappoint me.

Nega: They won’t know what hit them.

*Nega vanishes. Back with the C:IA.*

Outlaw: Hey, Pesmerga?

Pesmerga: Hmm?

Outlaw: Can you take that dark stuff out of someone before we fight them?

Pesmerga: No. Once in use it cannot be removed until the host has been weakened. Just how weak the person has to be depends on the amount of power being used.

Outlaw: Oh…

Shadowstrike: You still want to save her, dude?

Dark Knight: You hardly know her.

Outlaw: I’ve got to try.

Rebel: Just remember why we’re here.

Sean: We can try too, but we make no guarantees.

Outlaw: I understand. Thanks guys.

Majin: Youz welcome!

Metabad: Yeah dude, we’ll take that chick down hardcore!

Shadowstrike: You’re not helping.

*Nega appears.*

Nega: Hello boys.

*She ignites her beam saber.*

Rebel: I take it your boss isn’t too happy about losing is he?

*Rebel also ignites his saber. The rest of the team gets ready.*

Nega: I’m glad you got rid of that lunatic. But you won’t get by me.

Outlaw: Nega…

Nega: I’m sorry we didn’t get to finish our date, smelly-one. Maybe you’d like a taste of this for dessert!!!

*Nega slashes her saber and sends a wave of energy at the team. They are able to dodge and the battle begins.*

Nega: Keeping your distance won’t do you any good!

*Nega fires her arm cannon at the team and slashes at anyone who gets in close.*

Metabad: I be burnin!

*Metabad fires a speed burner but it is slashed to bits. Nega runs at him but is blocked by a bunch of spin wheels thrown at her. She slashes her saber at Outlaw who is shoved out of the way by Shadow.*

Sean: We need to get that sword away from her.

Rebel: Leave that to me.

*Rebel runs in close and slashes at Nega. She ducks. They have a stare down.*

Rebel: Let’s duel!

Nega: Fine. Your funeral.

*They cross swords at an intense pace. The rest of the team can only watch as anything they fire would hit Rebel right along with Nega. As the two of them slash and dodge it starts to become apparent that Nega is far better with the beam saber than Rebel. *

Nega: Is this all you got?

Rebel: I’m just getting warmed up!

*The intensity rises and each is slashing at an incredible pace and showing a tremendous amount of strength. However Rebel begins to show signs that he can’t continue at this speed and pace.*

Nega: Time to end this little game.

* Nega slices off the top of Rebel’s weapon, destroying it.*

Nega: So much for that.

Rebel: Totally worth it.

Nega: Huh?

*She now sees a magnet mine attached to her own saber. It explodes in her hand.*

Majin: WOOO!

Metabad: YEAH! Deception RAWKS!

Rebel: Good thing I have more of those at home. Now we stand a better chance of beating her.

Nega: I don’t need a weapon to destroy you! I can do it with my bare hands!

Dark Knight: Look out!

*Nega dashes at the team and lands many kicks and punches. She is very quick and nimble and is able to avoid and counter the C:IA’s attacks. Because they are now so close together they once again can’t fire their weapons without hitting each other.*

Sean: I wasn’t expecting this!

*He gets punched in the face.*

Shadowstrike: We need some separation here people.

*He is kicked hard in the gut.*

Outlaw: Hey Rebel, let’s do that thing!

Rebel: What?!

Outlaw: You know. That thing!

*Outlaw points at his tail. Rebel nods.*

Rebel: Now I get ya. That thing!

*As Nega dives at them, Rebel and Outlaw spin in place and just as Nega gets near they slam her with their tails sending her flying.*

Metabad: I got the follow up!

Sean: Hey, what are you…

*Metabad kicks Sean and sends him zooming at Nega. He hits her shell first, knocking her down.*

Shadowstrike: GOAL!

Dark Knight: Ten points dude!

Majin: YOU SUNK MY BATTLESHIP!

Sean: I hate you all so much that it hurts me inside.

Metabad: Hey it worked right?

Rebel: Ok, now that we got some distance, let’s stay far enough away so that she can’t do that again.

*Nega gets up and shakes her head. She sees that the C:IA has spread out. *

Nega: I’m Impressed. Don’t Let’s Start.

Outlaw: !!!!!

*Nega looks confused by her words. *

Dark Knight: What’s up Outlaw?

Outlaw: That was TMBG!

Nega: It was nonsense!

*Nega fires a blast at Metabad. He wasn’t expecting it and takes a hit. Nega is now dashing here and there fighting with whoever gets close while dodging attacks and firing blasts of her own. *

Rebel: It’s time we step it up guys!

Metabad: Super Awesome Fighting Force Go!!!

*Rebel and Metabad combine their weapons to create the fire bomb technique. This catches Nega off guard and sends her towards Sean, DK and Shadow.*

Shadowstrike: Our turn!

*The three of them combine their weapons. The bubbles encase the crystal Sean made and when hit with a sonic slicer sends a barrage of shards and energy at Nega. She is flung towards Majin.*

Majin: Whip it good!

*Majin hits her full force with his vine. She is sent towards Outlaw. *

Rebel: Outlaw! Finish this!

Outlaw: Um. Um…

Dark Knight: You’ve got to do it!

*Outlaw is visibly upset. He lets out a yell and punches with all his might. There is a blinding light from the impact. When everyone can see again they are stunned by what has happened. Outlaw’s punch went through Nega’s body. There is a large hole in her chest. Outlaw gently places her on the ground.*

Outlaw: Pesmerga!

Pesmerga: That will do.

*Pesmerga hold out his hand over Nega. The dark energy rises up from her and again forms into a ball. Pesmerga grips it and extinguishes it.*

Shadowstrike: You did it Outlaw.

Sean: Man that was one hell of a punch.

Nega: Uhh… Outlaw?

Outlaw: Nega! I’m so sorry!

*Outlaw holds her up.*

Rebel: We had no choice, Nega.

Nega: It’s ok. This was my fate for choosing the darkness.

Outlaw: Nega, I wanted to save you. I’ve failed you…

Nega: You did save me. Outlaw, no one has ever shown me true kindness, no one ever cared for me. You did that. Thank you.

*Nega starts to lose consciousness. She is badly damaged.*

Outlaw: Nega!

Nega: Thank….You…

*Nega fades away.*

Pesmerga: No time to dwell on this. It has been done. Yuber is all that is left to deal with.

Dark Knight: Don’t worry Outlaw; I’m sure she’ll be ok. After all, she is a Zero clone.

Outlaw: *Sniff*

Metabad: Dude?

Outlaw: I’m ready to finish this! Yuber is going down!

Majin: Down to da pound!

Rebel: Ok Pesmerga, heal us up. We’re going to show Yuber why he doesn’t mess with us!

*Pesmerga does so.*

Shadowstrike: Do we have any plan for this?

Sean: It’s kinda hard to plan for a guy like Yuber.

*Rebel takes out a Coke and starts to drink.*

Rebel: All I know is…*glug* Combo moves seem to be working great.

Majin: Oh yes, I’d like a combo meal.

*Rebel bops Majin on the head. He then finishes his drink.*

Dark Knight: I say we just go all out and hold nothing back.

Sean: This is a first. I actually agree with you.

Pesmerga: Onward.

*The team resumes their journey. In another location Yuber is furious.*

Yuber: NO! NO! NO!

*He hits a nearby boulder which shatters from the impact.*

Yuber: I should have known not to put faith in others. They were the perfect choices and still they failed.

*Yuber smashes another boulder.*

Yuber: Those fools think they stand a chance against me. HA! I’ll show them power. I’ll show them pain. Heh. The C:IA dies today!

*Yuber vanishes. Back with our hero’s there is a sense of both determination and dread. They know that this battle could be their last.*

Metabad: So, uh, dark guy; are you gonna help out on this one or are you…

Pesmerga: LOOK OUT!

*The team scatters just in time to avoid a massive energy blast. Before they can regroup Yuber goes on the attack. He is amazingly fast and is able to land several blows on the team. He then jumps back.*

Yuber: Pathetic.

Majin: Ow.

Sean: Crap!

Shadowstrike: Wasn’t expecting that.

Rebel: Finally had the guts to show yourself huh? This is it for you!

Outlaw: I’ll make you pay for what you did!!!

Yuber: Tough words. Let’s see if you can back it up!

Dark Knight: Here he comes again!

*Yuber once again engages the team in battle. This time around they were ready for him and are able to put up a far better fight. Yuber is fast and is landing lots of hits but he is now on the receiving end as well. *

Yuber: This shouldn’t be happening.

*Majin lands a hard shot with his electrified vines and this is followed up by a strong kick and punch combo by Outlaw and Shadow. This sends Yuber back.*

Yuber: I see you’ve improved since last we met.

Rebel: Being professional ass kickers does that.

Metabad: YEAH! And we totally RAWK!

Sean: How bout we go on the offensive for once?

Dark Knight: Yeah! Let’s show him what we’re made of!

Yuber: Come and get me.

*The C:IA rush at Yuber. Outlaw and Sean are slower than the rest so they provide cover fire by shooting their weapons at Yuber while the rest get in range for close up attacks. Shadow leads the bunch and quickly gets the action started with sonic slicers followed up by fast kicks. Rebel is also hurling magnet mines non-stop while swiping with his tail. Yuber is finding it difficult to avoid everything. Where one attack misses there are three more to avoid. While ducking a vine thrown by Majin he is hit from behind by a speed burner. *

Metabad: RAWKIN!

*Yuber slashes at Metabad but gets slammed by DK’s pincer attack. Yuber counterattacks and sends DK flying. He then powers up and sends energy blasts at the team, hitting Sean Rebel and Majin.*

Yuber: See that Pesmerga?! No one can match my power!

Pesmerga: I’d stop gloating and pay attention if I were you.

Yuber: What?!

*Yuber is hit by a spin wheel which tears into him. He is able to shake it off but due to this he didn’t see Pesmerga who lunges at him. Yuber turns towards him and gets hit hard in the face. This is followed up by a crystal hunter which causes Yuber to stagger. He backs off to catch his breath.*

Rebel: Your face got pwned!

Outlaw: Pwned!! Man, it feels good to be holding our own.

Dark Knight: Yeah, and we’re hitting him way more then we ever have!

Sean: True, but I’m not so sure we’re doing any real damage. That whole immortality thing is still an issue.

Shadowstrike: Why do you always have to be a downer?

Majin: Down low like da chicken limbo.

Metabad: Yeah dude! We’re actually winning!

Yuber: Not for long. I’m done holding back. It’s time I used my Hachifusa Rune!

Majin: Da hoozafuzzle?

Shadowstrike: The hack is a rune?

Sean: Their objects of power. I’ve never heard of this one.

Rebel: Whatever. I’m still going to bash his head in.

*Yuber raises his hand. His body begins to glow with power as the Rune activates. The C:IA get ready for anything but nothing could have prepared them for what they see. Yuber has created a double of himself. Then a third is created. To their horror each new Yuber is creating another. Before they know it they are completely surrounded.*

Dark Knight: Holy crap.

Shadowstrike: We are so screwed.

Outlaw: I’m going down swinging. With any luck I’ll take a few out.

Pesmerga: That won’t be necessary.

Metabad: You got a plan?

Rebel: I sure hope so.

Yuber(s): DIE!!!!

*The mass of Yuber dives at the team. However before they reach the team Pesmerga holds out his sword. Every Yuber is frozen in place in the air and one by one they dissolve until the original is left.*

Majin: Wow.

Yuber: How…is…this…possible?

Pesmerga: You have abused your power and brought nothing but pain and suffering. I was sent to set things right.

Yuber: NO!

*A bright light surrounds the two. *

Rebel: What the hell is going on?!

*Yuber is thrown back. He is slow to get up.*

Pesmerga: It is done.

Metabad: What’s done?

Pesmerga: I think you will find the problem you were worried about has been solved.

Sean: What?!

*Yuber gasps. There is blood dripping from his wounds.*

Pesmerga: He’s mortal now.

Majin: He…Killable?

Dark Knight: What did you do?

Pesmerga: His time as a holder of a true rune is over. The core of his power came from that.

Outlaw: We should have a way easier time defeating him now.

Yuber: I have more then enough power to deal with you!

Pesmerga: He’s all yours.

Rebel: You’ll regret the day you messed with us!

*The C:IA and Yuber run at each other. Yuber still has enough power to send energy blasts at the team but they are noticeably less intense. Outlaw tries his spinning attack but is knocked out of the air and into Metabad. Sean is also knocked down but DK manages to hit Yuber with a bubble splash. Rebel and Shadow double team Yuber and deal a good bit of damage. Once again Yuber backs off. He is now panting and has several more wounds.*

Rebel: Face it, without your rune you don’t stand a chance. You should just stand still so we can blast you back to hell where you belong.

Yuber: You haven’t won yet you miserable insect.

*Yuber holds his swords out in front of him. He focuses all his power into them, making them blaze with energy.*

Yuber: I’LL RIP YOU ALL TO SHREADS!

*Yuber runs at the team with swords on fire with power.*

Rebel: Throw everything you’ve got at him!

*Everyone fires their weapons at once. Each weapon converges at the same point and creates the ultimate attack. An ultra charged beam of explosive power rockets at Yuber. He only has seconds to realize what is about to hit him.*

Yuber: No. NOOOOOO!!!

*Yuber is incinerated. All that is left is a pile of ash.*

Majin: We… Did that?

Dark Knight: Is it finally over?

Sean: I… Think we won.

*There is a brief moment of silence.*

Everyone: YEAH!!!!!

Metabad: We so RAWK!

Shadowstrike: No more Yuber!

Rebel: Think we did good Outlaw?

Outlaw: I think Void would have been proud of us boss bug.

Pesmerga: Well done.

Sean: Thank you Pesmerga.

Shadowstrike: Yeah, without you we never would have stood a chance.

Pesmerga: I have you to thank as well. Yuber had to activate his rune before I could take it away. Had I just shown up he would have run like he always had.

Dark Knight: So what are you going to do with the rune?

Metabad: Can I have it? That would RAWK!

Pesmerga: I am taking it back to the dimension it came from. And it is time for you to return to your world as well.

Outlaw: Here comes that funkiness again.

Rebel: Thanks again Pesmerga.

Majin: WEEEEE!!

*Pesmerga sends them back to their world. He then goes over to the pile of ash. As he stares at it, a dark ball of energy emerges. Before it has a chance to get away Pesmerga crushes it in his hand.*

Pesmerga: Now it is truly done. My long quest is finally at an end. I am in your dept Island Attackers. Should there ever come a day when things look their bleakest I’ll make sure to repay the favor.

*Back at the Whale King, the team reappears.*

Majin: EEEEEEE! Oh… We’re back. Great! Now I can get more beer! That healing thing he did kept mellowing my buzz.

Dark Knight: Oh yeah, about that. I sold your beer stash for an electric kazoo.

Metabad: That was yours? I torched that stupid thing.

*The three of them stare at each other then start their fight anew.*

Shadowstrike: They’ll never learn.

Sean: Like you never learn to be serious and not mess up when you pilot.

Shadowstrike: At least I’m not cursed!

Sean: At least I can manage to stay away from buckets!

*The two of them get into a heated argument.*

Rebel: For Coke’s sakes can’t you guys give me some quite?

Outlaw: “For Coke’s sakes?”

Rebel: Coca-Cola is my religion and you will recognize it as such.

Outlaw: Yuber’s finally gone. It’s tough to believe.

Rebel: Yeah. Good riddance.

Outlaw: Want to get a cherry Coke?

Rebel: Totally.

The End

Complexity

January 21, 2015

*Written by Rebel4000*

*Early one day, the Island Attacker’s ship, the Whale King…*

Void: *sets tools down* There, all finished.

Rebel: *looking in the mirror* Whoa, talk about nice.

Void: Well, the “modifications” you specified for your alternate form pretty much required a complete overhaul. I mean, seriously. Shades?

Rebel: Do you have a problem with shades!?

Void: Well, no–

Rebel: Then shaddup.

Void: …Regardless, you’ll find that this form is far more versatile in both combat and normal activities, should you require it.

Rebel: *smacks Void*

Void: Ow! What the Hell was that for?

Rebel: You forgot to mention how bad ass I look!

Void: Oh… and you look bad ass.

Rebel: Now, there’s just one question…

Void: Yes…?

Rebel: *picks up a can of Coke and looks at his claw hand* How the heck am I supposed to open my Coke?

Void: Use your other hand.

Rebel: That’s stupid. *leaves and goes to the kitchen* Hey guys, how do you suggest I open my Coke with this claw for a hand?

Outlaw: Well, if it were me I’d just eat the thing whole.

Rebel: I’d do that, believe me, but I kinda-sorta lack a mouth.

Shadowstrike: If you don’t have a mouth then how can you drink Coke to begin with?

Rebel: Shadow… you’re not helping…

Shadowstrike: Oh…

Majin: i juz smack dat bad boi *burps*

Dark Knight: Skewer it with my pincers!

Sean: Start drinking something else.

Rebel: No, no, and most definitely NO!! God, why is everyone around here so useless!?

Metabad: Why don’t you just open it with your other hand?

Rebel: Brilliant! *to Void* Why couldn’t you come up with that? Some genius!

Void: *sighs in frustration*

Majin: hic, dun worry 2 much i tink he juz wans 2 ignore up… uv… us *burps in Void’s face*

Void: *shoves Majin out of the way* Yuck! I’m going back to the lab…

Shadowstrike: Again? But you finally came out!

Void: So?

Outlaw: Well… we never see you much these days, Void man.

Dark Knight: Come join us in shocking Sean!

Sean: Um… let’s not.

Void: Sorry, but I’m just too busy for that sort of thing nowadays. With all of these problems coming up, one needs to be prepared.

Dark Knight: What kind of problems?

Outlaw: Probably with the New X-Hunters and Yuber.

Metabad: But d00d, it could always be worse!

Sean: *shocked* A thousand curses upon you!

Void: Well, Metabad, you’re wrong–it is worse right now. Plus, a scientist never sleeps.

Outlaw, Majin, Shadowstrike, Metabad, Dark Knight, Sean: But! But!

Void: Again, sorry. Maybe once things have finally calmed down… *leaves*

Shadowstrike: Man… that sucks.

Rebel: Yeah, yeah, poor old Void has to work. Boohoo.

Metabad: RAWKIN’ IS A LOT HARDER!! *rawks*

Rebel: *rawks*

Shadowstrike: You’re mean.

Rebel: And you just figured that out?

Outlaw: C’mon, let’s not be like this, guys.

Sean: Seriously. As Void said, we’ve got more important things to focus on.

Majin: *has grapes stuck in his nostrils* im grapeman!

Everyone else: …

Majin: *starts dancing* bloopity-bloopity-bloopity-bloopity…

Dark Knight: More important things, huh?

Sean: I don’t even want to hear it.

Majin: bloopity-bloopity-bloopity-bloopity…

Shadowstrike: Someone, please make him stop.

Rebel: Allow me. Hey, Majin–shut up.

Majin: bloopity-bloopity-bloopity-bloopity…

Rebel: … *whacks Majin on the back of the head*

Majin: GHOUGH!! *grapes pop out*

Outlaw: I CALL DIBS!! *dives*

Metabad: NO WAY I SAW THEM FIRST!! *dives*

*While Outlaw and Metabad fight over who would possess the grapes and for what purpose, the doorbells rings.*

Sean: I’ll get it! *walks to the door that leads to the deck* I wonder who it could be? *opens the door*

Byron: Salutations!

Sean: Oh, hey Captain… wait. How did you get on the ship!? And since when do we have a doorbell!?

Byron: Oh, details are unimportant, friend! What is important is that I speak with you and your friends.

Sean: Ohh, no. I want answers!

Byron: *knocks Sean out with his shovel*

Dark Knight: Sean, who is it? *peeks head around the corner* Hey, it’s the captain!

Rebel: *transformed* What? The captain!?

Byron: Hey there, everyone! Been busy fighting for justice since our last meeting?

Rebel: Naturally! That’s all we ever do!

Outlaw: *walks up to Rebel, chewing* Me and Meta dude decided to split the grapes.

Metabad: *chewing* Grapes rawk!

Shadowstrike: But… those were in Majin’s nose.

Majin: *picking his nose* i make me own grapez

Metabad: Hand-made grapes don’t rawk!

Dark Knight: Could be worse.

Sean: *shocked* Yeah, it’s nice to see that you guys care that I was just hit by a shovel. *gets off the floor* I’M FINE, BY THE WAY.

Rebel: *ignoring Sean* So, what brings you all the way up here, Captain?

Byron: Well, you see… I have information concerning… the New X-Hunters.

Everyone else: Really!?

Byron: Yes! The time to assault the fiends at their base of operations is nigh!

Sean: You actually know that much?

Byron: Er… well, no!

Dark Knight: …Didn’t you say you had information?

Byron: Yes! I did!

Outlaw: So, you lied.

Byron: No! I really do. I’m just waiting for Flannery to come with our newest recruits.

Shadowstrike: New recruits?

Byron: Yes! They may not seem like much… but I decided to give them a chance. Plus, they were the ones who had the information on the New X-Hunters.

Metabad: So you guys worked something out? What a rawkin’ idea!

Flannery: WE’RE HERE!!

Byron: Oh, good. There they are!

Flannery: Sorry we took so long… we were busy making sand castles!

Violen: But whenever I touched them they broke apart! *sobs*

Agile: Touch? You were smashing them you big oaf!

Rebel: …What.

Outlaw: Um…

Shadowstrike: What are the Old X-Hunters doing here?

Agile: WHO DARES CALL ME OLD!? HUH!? HUH!?

Shadowstrike: I did.

Agile: …You! *looks at the rest of the team* And you!

Majin: *spinning on one foot* and me and me and me and me and me me me me memememememememeeeee

Byron: Eh? Do you all know each other?

Sean: Er… well, these guys used to be a part of the original X-Hun–

Agile and Violen: *grabs Sean* SHHHH!!

Sean: !?

Agile: *whispers* He can’t know about that! He’d kill us!

Violen: And then we wouldn’t be able to make any sand castles!

Flannery: I LOVE SAND, GUYS!! *throws a whole bunch into the air*

Rebel: So… you guys are with the captain now?

Agile: Yes.

Shadowstrike: Wait… that means that you must be the ones who have the information?

Agile: Yes.

Dark Knight: Which means that we will be going on some bizarre adventure, right?

Agile: Yes.

Rebel, Outlaw, Majin, Shadowstrike, Metabad, Dark Knight, Sean: SHIT!!

Byron: Let’s go inside to do the talking.

*Thus the CIA, along with Captain Shovelman and his crew, head inside to continue their discussion…*

Void: *emerges from his lab* What’s going on out here?

Outlaw: Oh, Void! The captain’s come back!

Flannery: And we brought sand!

Void: …That’s nice.

Dark Knight: He also brought Agile and Violen with him.

Void: …Yep, going back to my lab. *leaves*

Sean: There he goes…

Shadowstrike: Shouldn’t we bring him back?

Rebel: Meh, if he wants to hole himself up in his lab then let him. We’ll fill him in later. Anyway, Captain, Flannery, Agile…

Violen: …

Rebel: …Violen.

Violen: *beams*

Rebel: Fill us in.

Dark Knight: You guys have information on where the New X-Hunters are based?

Agile: Hmm… I dunno… What’s in it for us?

Rebel: Oh, c’mon, are you still acting like this!?

Agile: Hey, I said we don’t need your help, and I stand by that!

Byron: Wait, just wait. We need their help!

Agile: We do?

Violen: Yeah! *gets smacked* Er, uh… we do?

Byron: If it weren’t for them, me and Flannery would never have started to do research on those fiends and we never would have met you two! ‘Twas fate that brought us all together! It is our destiny!

Flannery: DESTINY!!

Metabad: DEESTIIIINNNYYYYYY!!

Agile: …Fine. We’ll talk.

Rebel: Good! Now spill the beans.

Outlaw: Tell us everything that you know…

Agile: After we “parted ways” with you guys, we did some searching. We wanted to find Serges! It was during this time that we encountered… them.

Shadowstrike: Them?

Violen: *sniffs* The new guys…

Sean: Balrog and Misery.

Agile: Yeah. We saw them by chance and they were talking to each other, so we hid and listened in…

*Flashback*

Misery: You are a fool, Balrog.

Balrog: Huh?

Misery: Do you really think that Master Serges’ plan was to simply destroy the CIA?

Balrog: Well, if it wasn’t then why does he keep telling me to do so?

Misery: He knows the CIA’s true strength. He knows that you will be unable to stop them… which is why you have just been a mere distraction, while I carry on with our real plans.

Balrog: …

Misery: Of course, in the unlikely scenario that someone like you actually manages to defeat the Island Attackers, then even better. I’m not holding my breath, though.

Balrog: So what’s the plan, then? Don’t leave me out of the loop, Misery!

Misery: All right, all right. I’ll tell you, but this is just between you and me, got it? If anyone else finds out about this, well… let’s just say Serges will be looking for a new TV.

Balrog: I’M NOT A TV!!

Misery: Then shut up and listen. While you have been busy fighting the CIA, I have been collecting parts. These parts are essential components to a device that Serges is building to carry through with his plans of world domination.

Balrog: ‘Kay. That’s neat. What’s the device do?

Misery: Ho ho ho, that’s for me to know and for you to find out.

Balrog: What!? You said you were gonna let me in!

Misery: If I let you too far in, you’d probably mess everything up. Now stop your complaining and let’s head back to the base. I’ve already collected the next part that was located here, so there’s no point in dilly-dallying.

Balrog: Right! To the North Pole!

*End flashback*

Agile: After that they both left.

Outlaw: Huh, that’s weird. So why would they base themselves there?

Shadowstrike: Yeah, it’s kinda out-of-the-way, isn’t it?

Flannery: Plus it has no sand! What were they thinking!?

Agile: It’s quite obvious why they are there–it was where our old base was located…

Violen: Serges must be using it! He was always kinda cheap.

Rebel: Ohhhh yeahhhh… I knew that.

Sean: Hmm… The North Pole and a device that Serges is building for world domination… there has to be a connection somewhere.

Majin: perhaps he wans 2 b KING OF DA HOLE

Shadowstrike: …World?

Majin: oh thats juz silly *burps*

Byron: Whatever the case may be, we swim across the ocean to the chilly north, and locate their base of operations so we may put an end to their villainous ways!

Dark Knight: Or we could, like, use the Whale King to take us there.

Byron: …Well, if you want to suck all of the fun out of it.

Rebel: Right. Shadow, take us to the North Pole. Metabad, go and get Void. Be sure to break lots of stuff to get his attention.

Metabad: Can I bring Majin to help me?

Rebel: Sure.

Metabad: Rawksome! Let’s go Maj!

Majin: hickory-dickory-dock-lock-mock-sock-rock

*Metabad and Majin, using some bizarre methods, manage to sneak into Void’s lab, where we can hear much screaming and yelling along with glass breaking, among other things. The Whale King, however, moves onward to the arctic despite the chaos within… and as it reaches its destination…*

Outlaw: *looking out the window* Hmm… some kinda thick mist is blocking the view.

Rebel: Weird. How much further?

Shadowstrike: …

Rebel: What?

Shadowstrike: Why… why is Flannery flying the ship?

Rebel: Because… Uh, that’s actually a pretty good question. Why is Flannery flying the ship!?

Flannery: Wheeeeeee. *does a loopty-loop*

Dark Knight: *hanging on to the chair* THIS IS WHY I DON’T TRUST WOMEN DRIVERS!!

Flannery: WHEEEEEEEE. *does several more loopty-loops*

Void: *flies in* Rebel! What are you doing!?

Rebel: WHY DO YOU IMMEDIATELY BLAME ME FOR THIS!?

Void: *sees Flannery flying* Oh god. OH GOD. WHO LET HER PILOT THE SHIP!?

Byron: *hanging upside down* Not me.

Agile: *hanging off of Byron* Not me.

Violen: *hanging off of Agile* I’LL ADMIT–IT WAS ME!! *breaks into tears*

Shadowstrike: SOMEBODY STOP THIS MADNESS!!

Flannery: Zoooooooooooooooom. *does a final loopty-loop and positions the ship back to normal*

Shadowstrike: …Just what was the whole purpose of that!?

Flannery: *points outside*

*The team looks outside. Flannery spelled the word “SAND” using the Whale King in the sky.*

Rebel: …You nearly killed us all so you could spell the word sand!?

Flannery: Yep.

Rebel: …Cool.

Everyone else: *groans*

Shadowstrike: *shoves Flannery out of the way* Okay, despite that waste of time, we will be arriving to at the North Pole in exactly… two minutes.

Outlaw: I dunno about you guys, but I’m ready.

Sean: Me too.

Majin: ready freddie!

*Before the team could even fully prepare, however, there was a loud bang outside, and suddenly the Whale King rocked back and forth!*

Dark Knight: What’s going on!?

Shadowstrike: We’re under attack! There’s something out there…

Agile: Wait! The mist is clearing!

Outlaw: *eyes widening* It’s a…

Metabad: IT’S A BIG BUILDING!!

*Indeed, jutting out of the water, incased in ice, was a building of a most impressive size–the X-Hunter Base. Despite that most of it had been destroyed from the inside-out years ago, it looked as if hasty repairs were made–along with a few upgrades. Several guns and cannons were mounted on top of it, where one of the largest cannons had smoke emerging from it. Without warning, it fires another shot, causing the Whale King to rock back and forth once more.*

Byron: Tsk! The cowards are assaulting us from afar! Have they no shame!?

Agile: Well… since this is Serges’ we’re talking about… no. Not really.

Violen: *sucking on his thumb* Some things just won’t ever change, huh?

Agile: *pulls Violen’s thumb out of his mouth* UNFORTUNATELY.

Rebel: *slams hands on table* All units, prepare to engage the enemy! Sean, Void, man the weapons! Open fire!

Void and Sean: Roger!

Flannery: Ooh, ooh! Can I help!?

Rebel: Sure.

Void and Sean: …

Flannery: YAY!! *drags Void and Sean off*

Rebel: All right, now, Shadowstrike, you move us in as close as possible. We need to infiltrate that base! After you do that, assist Sean, Void, and Flannery anyway you can!

Shadowstrike: Yes, sir!

Rebel: Everyone else… follow me! *leaves*

Outlaw, Majin, Metabad, Dark Knight, Byron, Agile, Violen: *follows*

*The team following Rebel made their way to the deck. Once there, they found that the ship was now next to the mighty base, with attacks from both sides being launched furiously.*

Agile: So what do we do now!?

Rebel: Now… we head toward our target! *points at the base*

Byron: Right you are, Rebel! *points with the shovel* CHAAAAAAAAAAARGE!!

???: Huzzah!

Outlaw: Not again…

Balrog: *dropping down from the sky* Whaddya mean, “not again”!? I think I’ve become one of the best reoccuring characters in this series, if I do say so myself!

Dark Knight: We don’t have time for you!

Metabad: We’ve got bigger fish to fry, maaaaaaaaan!

Majin: fish is mmm-mmm gurd *burps*

Balrog: Well too bad! It’s time to prove myself in this final battle of ours! Prepare yourself! *jumps into the air and starts throwing projectiles everywhere*

Rebel: Everyone, you know the drill! *teleports out of the way*

Violen: *watching everyone dodge the projectiles* Huh? I know the drill? There’s a drill!? I’m confused! *gets blasted by the projectiles* AAHHHH!!

Agile: *zipping past the attacks* Idiot.

Byron: I WILL NOT BE DEFEATED BY SUCH A MUNDANE ATTACK!! *whacks one of the projectiles back with shovel*

Balrog: What the–*gets hit in the face* BWAAAH!! *hits the ground*

Outlaw: All right, now’s the chance to finish him once and for all! *fires a pair of Spin Wheels*

Balrog: *slowly getting up* Urrrgh… *gets run over by the wheels* GUUUUURK!!

Metabad: WE DID IT!! *rawks*

Dark Knight: No sense in actually rawking, seeing as how we’ve defeated him several times already, and our real mission hasn’t even been completed yet.

Byron: *crosses arms* Yes, I fail to see the need to rawk at this point in time.

Metabad: Aw, you guys are no fun.

Majin: ya lurn 2 light up *lights up like a lightbulb*

Balrog: *gets back up* Not so fast! I have one more move to make!

Rebel: Oh, do you now!?

Balrog: Yes! Stop this, if you can! *fires several missiles at Rebel at close range*

Rebel: REBEL SHIELD!! *grabs Agile*

Agile: EEEEEEEEK!! *gets blasted*

Balrog: *blinks* Huh…

Rebel: *throws Agile on the ground* Look what you did to Agile! YOU’LL PAY FOR THIS!!

Balrog: But I–*gets kicked in the face*–OOOF!! *gets sent flying off the ship* NOOOOOOooooooo…

Dark Knight: Man, Rebel sure does know when to fight back.

Outlaw: Well, when boss bug fights for his friends, he tends to get a little emotional.

Agile: *charred and burnt* Emotional smotional, I’m sueing.

Violen: *also charred and burnt* Did I miss anything?

Agile: *kicks Violen off the ship as well*

Violen: WHAT DID I DOOOOOOOooooooo…

Byron: ENOUGH OF THIS NONSENSE!! We must go and put a stop to the New X-Hunters evil plans immediately!

Rebel: He’s right. Just ignore Agile, everyone. He’s trying to distract us. *leaves*

Agile: W-what…? I’m doing no such thing!

Metabad: Did you guys here something?

Agile: I… I feel so… ignored…

Majin: *pats Agile on the back*

Agile: …You aren’t ignoring me?

Majin: ur a funy fire hydrant *lifts leg up*

Agile: NO!!

*The team moves away from the Whale King and infiltrates the New X-Hunters base. They quickly start to search the entire premises for a way in…

Violen: I’m scaaaaaared!

Rebel: Shut up. I had to go out of my way to haul your worthless butt back up here!

Violen: But I was kicked!

Dark Knight: Then kick back!

Violen: *looks at Agile*

Agile: *glares*

Violen: Um… I’ll pass… *backs away*

Outlaw: So, where exactly is the entrance to this place?

Agile: I dunno.

Everyone else: …What?

Agile: I said I dunno! Everything looks kinda different.

Violen: Maybe they moved the entrance?

Metabad: That’s pretty rawkin’ in a not-rawkin’-sort-of-way.

Rebel: All right, lets split up to find the entrance. Captain, why don’t you and Agile group up, Outlaw will take DK and Violen, and I will go with Majin and Metabad.

Outlaw: Sounds good to me, boss bug.

Byron: Very well, I will let you take charge in this assignment as leader.

Rebel: Yeah, that’s right. I’m the leader! And what I say goes. Now get outta here you losers.

Dark Knight: Mmm’kay. *drags Violen off*

Agile: Whatever. *leaves*

Metabad: Let’s rawk all over the place! Let’s go, Maj.

Majin: okiez cuz dats wut we gotta do right rrrrreb?

Rebel: …Don’t ever call me by my name again.

Majin: ur dah boss rrrrreb

*Thus the group splits up…*

Dark Knight: This place is massive!

Violen: I don’t like big places like these!

Outlaw: Then I recommend staying out of the sewers. One time me and DK got lost for two days straight because we were chasing an old boot.

Violen: Just a boot?

Dark Knight: It was glowing!

Outlaw: And we could hear it chanting “Lets play” over and over in our heads…

Violen: Oooooookay.

Outlaw: Anyway, I wonder where the entrance is? You’d think such a big place would have more than one opening. Or at least a really big door.

Dark Knight: Wait! I think I see one! *points*

*Indeed, a small distance away in the back left corner of the facility was a small door leading inside.*

Violen: Woohoo, we did it!

Dark Knight: Last one there is a helmetless Mettool!

Outlaw: Hey, wait! Let’s get the others first–

???: Not so fast!

*Out of thin air a black orb appears a small distance away from Dark Knight, high in the air. The moment DK nears the orb, it releases a bolt of lightning, striking the ground right before him.

Dark Knight: Whoa! *jumps back*

Violen: What happened!?

Outlaw: Someone is here! Come on out!

Misery: *appears* Hm-hmm, I see you have quite fast reflexes for a robot.

Dark Knight: So it was you!

Misery: So it was! What are you going to do about it?

Dark Knight: Kick your ass, of course!

Violen: But that isn’t very nice…

Dark Knight: …

Outlaw: …

Misery: …

Violen: …Oh…

Misery: Anyway, if you want to make it inside you’ll have to deal with me. I hope your ready to die.

Outlaw: Let’s do this, guys!

Dark Knight: Bubble Splash!

Misery: *disappears right before the bubbles make contact*

Dark Knight: What the!?

Misery: *reappears in another spot* What, is that all you’ve got?

Dark Knight: Grrr… take this! *fires several volleys of bubbles*

Misery: *disappears and reappears* Now it’s time for you to take a seat! *fires out several black orbs that fire lightning*

Dark Knight: *gets hit* Gurrgh!

Outlaw: DK!

Violen: I-I’ll fight! *swings his mace at Misery*

Misery: *flies up and over the attack* Too slow! *creates another wave of orb-producing lightning*

Violen: *hit* YEEEEOW!!

Outlaw: *jumps between the bolts of lightning* Don’t think so!

Misery: !?

Outlaw: *gets in front of Misery* Dual Spin Wheel!

Misery: *is hit in the face by two wheels* Aaaagh! *hits the ground and disappears*

Outlaw: …Did I get her?

Misery: *appears above Outlaw* Not likely! *blasts Outlaw with a large bolt of lightning*

Outlaw: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!

*Elsewhere…*

Byron: *swings shovel over shoulder* Agile! Pick up the pace! You are supposed to be twice as fast and yet you are falling behind!

Agile: *panting* Yes… yes sir…

Byron: Now… *points in no particular direction* WE GO THERE!!

Agile: Why…?

Byron: Because I have a strong feeling that the entrance is in that direction! Wake up, man!

Agile: *starts to nod off and gets smacked by a shovel* OW!! Okay, okay…

*The strange duo walks in the direction Byron suggested and do indeed find a door in the back right corner of the facility.*

Byron: Ah-hah! You see? I am never wrong.

Agile: But I didn’t say you were–

Byron: *lifts shovel in the air* NEVER WROOOONG!!

Agile: *cowers*

Byron: Now, let us go back and find the others to let them know of the good news! *turns to leave*

Misery: *appears and fires a black orb at Byron’s back*

Agile: CAPTAIN!! *shoves Byron out of the way and gets hit instead* GAAAAAHH!!

Byron: What just happened!? *sees Misery* You! You were that witch from before!

Misery: Oh? You remembered me? I’m flattered.

Agile: *gets slowly back up* Be careful, captain… she’s not like that other guy…

Misery: Hah. Hahahahahah! Well, of course I’m not. That fool Balrog can’t be relied on to do anything. Much like you.

Agile: What did you say!? First you change Serges, next you mock me!?

Misery: I did nothing to Master Serges. He simply took a good opportunity and made the most of it. As for mocking you… well, I still find it hard to believe he had such a poor taste in allies.

Agile: Why you–

Byron: What does she mean by “poor taste in allies”, Agile?

Agile: *sweats* Erm… n-nothing…

Misery: Regardless, if you want to see the master, you’ll have to do so in body bags. Die! *lifts up into the air and fires more black energy balls*

Byron: Scramble! *dodges*

Agile: *moves between the attacks* I’ll show you! I am reliable!

Misery: Then dodge this!

*Concentrating briefly, Misery throws a small black energy ball which releases a shockwave upon impact, knocking Agile off his feet*

Agile: *hits the ground* Oof!

Misery: Time to die! *prepares to fire another energy ball*

Byron: Don’t think so! *hurls shovel at Misery, hitting her*

Misery: Aaaaaah!! *reels back in pain*

Byron: *the shovel comes back as a boomerang and is caught* Before you hurt one of my allies, try taking me on!

Misery: I’ll be more than glad for what you just did! *fires a large energy ball at Byron*

Byron: *takes a deep breath and lift shovel up into the air* …Now! *swings shovel down, hitting the energy ball back at Misery*

Misery: What the–*gets hit in the face and hits the wall before disappearing*

Byron: Yes! *pumps shovel into the air* FOR JUSTIIIIICE!!

Agile: *coughs* C-Captain…

Byron: No need to fear, Agile. Let us be on our way and–*gets hit from behind*–GAAAAAAGH!! *collapses*

Agile: No…!

Misery: *floating in midair behind Byron* Now, now… play time is over…

*Elsewhere…*

Majin: *bouncing around like a spring* WOOP WOOP WOOP WOOP

Metabad: *rawking while walking* AWWWW YEAH!!

Rebel: *rawking while walking on the wall* HELLZ YEAH!!

Majin: dey call me ed i am a head and i go burp and then im dead

Metabad: NICE JIM!!

Majin: im a jim? or a ed? im discombobulated now rrrrrreb

Rebel: Quit calling me by name! It just sounds… weird coming from you.

Majin: watever u say rrrrrrreb *starts bouncing off the wall* YABBA-DABBA-DOO

Rebel: Hey! Watch it! *gets hit by Majin and they both fall to the ground*

Metabad: Osnapz!

Rebel: Ugh… okay… so lets find that entrance already.

Metabad: Why not over by that conveniently placed door in the very back center of the base?

Rebel: Works for me. Let’s go, Maj.

Majin: IM COMMEN RRRRREB!!! *rolls along the ground*

*As the the three near the door…*

Metabad: …Something about this isn’t rawkin’.

Rebel: Yeah, you’re telling me…

Majin: ITS A TRAP

Misery: *appears* Too late! *releases a flurry of fire bats*

Metabad: Damn! Those bats are almost as hot as me… NOT!!

Misery: That’s what you think…

*Suddenly, the bats starts to divebomb the three CIA members, intent on taking them down with their own lives*

Rebel: Lets get outta here! *teleports out of the way*

Metabad: *grabs Majin and uses a nearby wall to jump over and away from the bats* Booyah!

Misery: There is no escape! *summons more bats and as them come after the group*

Rebel: *appears next to Metabad and Majin* All right guys, lets do this–Majin, use your lightning attack on the bats!

Majin: *drools*

Rebel: *smacks Majin* THE FUNNY DANCE MAN!! DO THE FUNNY DANCE!!

Majin: WHEEEEEEE!! *starts dancing*

Misery: What…? Are you trying to insult me with such outrageous behavior?

Metabad: If we embarrass you enough will you leave?

Misery: No, I’ll just kill you harder.

Metabad: Damn. It was worth a shot.

Majin: I FEEL ZEH POWAAAAAH!! *bolts of lightning rain down on the bats, frying them*

Rebel: Now! Lets fire bomb this witch! *fires a Magnet Mine at Misery*

Metabad: YEEEAAAAAH!! *hits the mine and causes a huge explosion right in Misery’s face*

Misery: *set ablaze* YEEEAAAARRRRGH!! *vanishes in the inferno*

Rebel: I think I smell a winner!

Metabad: Nothing can stop us! *high-fives and rawks*

Majin: only thing dat can stop us is rufus teh amazen chocolate raisen…

Rebel: …Right. Anyway, let’s get going! The others can catch up later. We’ve got an appointment with one Serges!

*The groups walks through the pile of fire bats that they took down as they head toward the door. Before they make it even halfway, however, the bats suddenly spring back to life and attack!*

Rebel: What’s going on!?

Misery: *reappears* Ohohoho, did you think it was over already? Guess again. This battle, along with the others, is just getting started!

Metabad: Others? You mean the others are going through this weird, funky stuff too?

Misery: Wouldn’t you like to know! *cackles evilly*

Rebel: Let’s do this… again!

*Back with Outlaw, Dark Knight, and Violen…*

Outlaw: *breathing hard* This is… getting ridiculous…

Dark Knight: No matter how many times we beat her down she just comes back for more… And it doesn’t help that Violen is too busy crying to actually help fight…

Violen: *cowering in the corner* DON’T HURT MEEEEE!!

Misery: Are you boys done yet?

Outlaw and Dark Knight: Urk!

Misery: If you are… then it’s time to end this once and for all…!

Outlaw: Get ready, here she comes!

Misery: The final lightning strike, now! *points wand at the group*

Outlaw and Dark Knight: *closes eyes and anticipates the attack* …

Violen: …Uh? *looks over shoulder* She… she’s gone!

Outlaw: *opens an eye* She is…?

Dark Knight: Well that was… strange.

Outlaw: Yeah… At least we can go through the door now–*sees the door is missing*–hey wait, the door is gone, too!

Dark Knight: Say what!? Now what do we do?

Violen: Go back?

Outlaw: I guess so…

*With Byron and Agile…*

Misery: *laughs evilly* Hahahahah! This is rich! So much for the “captain” and his “reliable” teammate!

Byron and Agile: *on the ground, bruised and beaten* Ugh…

Misery: *lands on the ground and plants a foot on Agile’s chest* What do you say?

Agile: …

Misery: I can’t hear you! *kicks him*

Agile: Urgh!

Misery: Hmph. Stubborn until the very end, aren’t you? That’s okay, though. I can and will force you to beg for mercy… you just need some more “discipline”…

Byron: Leave him alone, fiend…

Misery: Quiet, fool! You will get yours shortly… *to Agile* But you, you will suffer the consequences for defying us, right here and right NOW!! *raises wand*

Agile: NOOOOOOOO!! *lunges upward only to find Misery gone* W-what…?

Byron: She vanished again… but why? Perhaps something has changed… *slowly gets up* I see the door disappeared as well… We must hurry to the others, Agile… before it’s too late! *limps off*

Agile: *gets slowly back up* Yeah… before it’s too late… assuming that it isn’t already…

*Back with Rebel, Metabad, and Majin…*

Rebel: *has lower arms folded* Well, this is just great, first that witch disappears… and then she takes the door with her!

Metabad: Not rawkin’.

Majin: *pats Rebel on the back* dont get mad get glad rrrrrrreb

Rebel: I thought I told you to stop calling me by my name!

Majin: lol ur a fun guy rrrrrreb

Rebel: Why I outta…

Outlaw: Boss bug!

Metabad: It’s the others! All right!

Rebel: What happened to you guys?

Dark Knight: We were assaulted by Misery!

Rebel: What!? Impossible, we were assaulted by Misery!

Violen: Maybe she’s got a twin?

Metabad: Dude, no offense but… that idea just doesn’t rawk…

Violen: B-but it was worth a shot, right? Right!?

Outlaw: Not really, no.

Violen: *cries*

Byron: *arrives* Everyone!

Rebel: Captain! …What happened to you!?

Byron: Agile and myself confonted the fiend known as Misery!

Rebel, Outlaw, Majin, Metabad, Dark Knight, Violen: What!?

Agile: It was really weird, too… right when she was about to finish us, she vanished along with the door… to the entrance…

Outlaw: So it wasn’t just us, then.

Byron: Did the same thing happen to the rest of you, too?

Dark Knight: Yeah…

Violen: I’m scared, Agile!

Agile: Get away from me!

Majin: sometimes u jus gots ta take a blink and go woooooooooooooooo

Rebel: Well, lets head back a little bit and think of our next course of action…

Byron: Agreed. We’ve gained nothing from this.

Dark Knight: Sounds good.

*As the group turned around, they encountered Shadowstrike and Sean!*

Shadowstrike: Hey guys.

Rebel: …What’re you guys doing here?

Sean: Well, we got kinda bored sitting on the ship, since there really weren’t any major attacks after you guys infiltrated the base, so we decided after playing a couple games and having some lunch to go assist you all in this delicate operation.

Metabad: You guys had lunch? Without us!?

Shadowstrike: Yeah… sorry about that…

Byron: Where is Flannery?

Sean: Oh, we left her on the ship so we could get out of here ASAP in case of an emergency.

Agile: You mean as a crazy pilot again?

Dark Knight: Could be worse.

Sean: *shocked* What the Hell was that for!?

Dark Knight: Hey, back off. I haven’t had a good chance to say it for a while now and I want to watch someone suffer!

Rebel: Hmm… Oh yeah, where’s what’s-his-face?

Shadowstrike: You mean Void?

Rebel: Yeah. Him.

Shadowstrike: He said he was gonna check something out and took off into the sky… he should be back soon…

Sean: Oh, I see him!

*With that Void swooped down from the sky and landed, looking slightly worse for wear.*

Rebel: Yo, Void! What have you been doing?

Void: Oh, Rebel, I’m glad I caught you. Did any of you encounter Misery?

Violen: I did! And so did he, and he did too, and… *gets several stares* …Yeah… *slinks back*

Void: *continuing* When the rest of us exited the ship, I spotted Misery from a distance, near the top of the base. I decided to encounter her on my own, and it turned out she was creating copies of herself as a trap. I ended up taking her down, so the copies she made should have vanished as well.

Outlaw: So THAT’S what happened!

Dark Knight: Void, you are a lifesaver!

Void: Huh? Thanks, I guess.

Byron: Indeed, we would not be alive if it weren’t for you and your hard work. *shakes Void’s hand*

Void: Gee, this is embarrassing…

Rebel: Whatever! Void, quit being all lame and help us find the door to this place already.

Void: Oh, the door to this place is where Misery was located. I can show you all where it is.

Byron: Well how about that! You are indeed useful!

Void: Hahah, thanks…

Shadowstrike: Yeah, we’re really lucky to have Void with us.

Majin: void dah noid!

Rebel: Okay, okay! Void’s great, who cares! Let’s just go in there and kick Serges’ ass already! *walks off*

Everyone else: …

Sean: Well, that was rather immature.

Agile: *snorts* And to think he was treating me like I was immature earlier.

Shadowstrike: You’re more egotistical than anything else.

Agile: Yeah!

Void: *sighs* Well, Reb will be Reb…

*The group catches up with Rebel as Void shows them the way into the base. The inside was completetly different to how the outside looked, showing that, despite the quick patchwork on the outside, the inside had been totally remodeled.*

Byron: Hmm… such a big place.

Outlaw: It feels kinda empty, though. Lifeless, even.

Violen: Do you think Serges built all of this by himself?

Agile: Don’t be stupid. He couldn’t even build you a better brain.

Violen: But I like my brain…

Agile: Does anyone else like it?

Sean: I don’t.

Shadowstrike: Not me.

Dark Knight: Me neither.

Void: …Don’t look at me.

Byron: I have no meaningful comments on the matter.

Outlaw: Err…

Metabad: Nope.

Rebel: Who are you again?

Majin: yes well ok not really i lied im a bad majin :<

Agile: You see? No one likes your brain.

Violen: Darn…

Void: Anyway, I suggest we get moving–

Rebel: Yes, let’s get moving! Right now! Follow me!

Sean: Do you even know which way to go?

Rebel: Uh…

*Indeed, the area which they started off in had multiple branching paths.*

Shadowstrike: Maybe we could split up?

Byron: There is no time for that! If we were to encounter the leader of the New X-Hunters with only small fraction of our group, who knows what could happen! We must stick TOGETHERRRR!! *pumps shovel upward*

Dark Knight: Any ideas then, Rebel?

Agile: Yes, please hurry and save us, our fearless “leader”.

Rebel: Shut up. We could… uh…

Void: How about we follow the pipelines?

Outlaw: Pipelines?

Void: *nods* See the pipes along the walls and ceiling? They are all over the entrance, but they only continue down one path. Although it isn’t much to go on, it would be a good deduction that it could take us the right way.

Byron: I see… brilliant!

Shadowstrike: Void, how exactly did you get to be so good at all of this?

Void: Well, I told you guys earlier that one had to be prepared.

Outlaw: And now your showing us what you meant! Neat!

Majin: dat is 1 kewl custard if ya get mah drift

Shadowstrike: I think you mean “customer”.

Rebel: Guys! Quit praising Void and let’s get going!

Metabad: Rawkers aren’t waiters you know!

Majin: o mebe i shud stop bein a waiter at ihop then so i can rawk mah sawks awff

Void: Not that kind of waiter, Majin.

Rebel: Void! Quit correcting Majin and get a move on!

Void: Yes, yes…

Dark Knight: Let’s go have that appointment with Serges! *leaves*

Violen: *gulps* This is it…? I’m kinda scared… How about you, Agile?

Agile: *shaking uncontrollably* W-w-w-what!? S-s-scared!? What f-f-f-for!? It’s just… it’s just… it’s just Serges! G-g-good old… Serges… Who wants to k-kill us…

*The team continues to makes their way through the base, traveling down the hallway that Void suggested. After a good bit of distance…*

Dark Knight: Man, this is boring! Even more so than that time back when we had to walk down those passage ways in Anti-Majin’s fortress*.

*See Series 3, Epilogue #37 “Dance of the Abyss”

Sean: And the path just keeps on stretching…

Agile: Are we sure we’re going the right way!?

Rebel: Void messed up.

Void: Hey! I didn’t say that this was THE correct path. It was just an educated guess.

Rebel: Void messed up.

Byron: Now, Rebel, there is no need to be like that. Surely we will reach the end if we pick up the pace, yes?

Shadowstrike: Let’s just go already…

*Thus the group continued for another half hour so…*

Majin: looks liek 2day is gona b a gud day 2day woohoo

Rebel: …If you say so.

Majin: WOOHOO

Outlaw: Are we really sure that this is taking us anywhere?

Sean: Where else would we be going, then?

Violen: Maybe someone should check… *sniff*

Agile: *gets looked at* …Fine, fine! I’ll run back and see how much distance we’ve covered.

Shadowstrike: I’ll help!

*The two speedsters turn around and take a step back… only to find themselves at the entrance!*

Agile: What the!?

Shadowstrike: We’re back… how!? When!?

Agile: *gets on knees* WHYYYYYYYYY!?!?

Shadowstrike: …

Agile: Sorry, always wanted to do that.

Shadowstrike: *smacks Agile*

Outlaw: *peeks head out from the hallway* Hey, uh… what’s going on?

Shadowstrike: We’ve been duped!

Metabad: What!? That ain’t rawkin’ man! NOT. RAWKIN’.

Violen: Now what do we do?

???: Now you die!

*Without warning, a barrage of projectiles appeared from above and rained down! The CIA and friends, taken aback, try their hardest to dodge the onslaught.*

Misery: *appears* Did you think you could escape me?

Rebel: You!

Void: So, you’re back for seconds, huh?

Misery: Hmph, you merely caught me off guard, moth. This time, the true battle begins! And with my magic spell, you won’t be wandering off anywhere.

Sean: So we need to defeat you to proceed!

Byron: Very well! *gets into a battle position* I shall enjoy disposing you from the vicinity once and for all, fiend!

Misery: You bizarre, shovel-wielding person! Don’t go to heaven! *unleashes a small energy ball*

Byron: Oh, so you want to play ball, is that it!? *hits the energy ball back*

Misery: *dodges* Why you…! *hits Byron with a bolt of electricity*

Byron: Gurgh…!

Outlaw: Take her down! *fires a Spin Wheel on the ground*

Misery: *watches as it passes beneath her* Hah, looks like you are at a disadvantage.

Outlaw: Guess again.

*The Spin Wheel hits the wall behind Misery and begins to climb up it, reaching the ceiling. The moment it does it drops off and hits Misery in the back of her head, causing her to hit the floor.*

Misery: Oof! *slowly gets back up*

Metabad: I so got her! *unleashes a flurry of Speed Burners*

Misery: Not so fast! *summons a wave of fire bats to absorb the attack* Die!

Metabad and Outlaw: Ahh!

Sean: Crystal Hunter! *encases some of the fire bats in crystal*

Dark Knight: Bubble Splash! *puts the rest of them out*

Void: Now, it’s time to move! Shadow, use your Sonic Slicers to surround Misery!

Shadowstrike: I’m on it! *fires a couple of slicers*

Void: Now… for a touch of poison! *flaps his wings and releases the poisonous cloud, which gets trapped in the air current of the Sonic Slicers*

Misery: *getting affected by the poison* Grrr, this doesn’t look good… *prepares to fire a lightning bolt but gets cut off by another one* What!?

Majin: *doing a weird dance* say wut bobobo say wut bobobo say wut bobobo

Misery: *prepares to fire an energy ball at Majin*

Violen: I-I’m helping! *swings mace*

Misery: *barely dodges* Whoa!

Agile: *runs up to Misery and hits her with his beam saber*

Misery: Gaah!

Agile: *points it at Misery* Surrender.

Misery: Are you… telling ME what to do?

Agile: …

Misery: This is classic… Master Serges, I hope you take care of these fools for me… *disappears*

Byron: Gah… *gets up* Did the witch finally leave for good?

Sean: Looks like it.

Rebel: *looking impatient* Yeah, yeah, good job ‘n’ all. Now let’s go.

Agile: You didn’t even do anything!

Rebel: Hey, I’m the leader! So if I wanna slack off I can.

Void: Reb, I don’t think slacking off during the middle of a crisis is a good idea…

Rebel: Yeah, and you said you took care of Misery for us earlier.

Void: My bad.

Shadowstrike: Hey, things happen.

Rebel: No they don’t. Void, quit being so worthless to the group for once!

Void: *sighs* Reb–

Rebel: Nope! Not listening.

Dark Knight: ANYWAY, I think this hallway is shorter than it originally was!

Byron: Yes, I can see a door at the end already!

Agile: A-already? *gulps*

Outlaw: So… this is really it this time.

Sean: Let’s hurry!

Majin: bad boi watchu gona do, watchu gona do wen dah bad boi isnt bad boiiiii

Metabad: That’s deep, dude.

Majin: im juz dat gud *burps*

*The group gathered around the door at the end of the hallway. Hesitantly, they opened the door and stepped inside. What they saw was amazing–a large room which in both height and width, with a very large structure made of metal reaching up to the very top of the ceiling. The structure was cylinder-shaped, having been designed like a cage to see through. At the base of the structure… was Serges.*

Agile: Serges!

Serges: So Misery lost as well, did she… Worthless. She talks big but she’s worthless like the rest of you.

Violen: Serges…

Serges: Regardless, I should commend you for making it all this way here. Welcome to my lab.

Sean: This is your lab!?

Byron: Very impressive… for the leader of the New X-Hunters! *points shovel dramatically*

Serges: Hmph. You must be that Captain Shovelman Balrog was blabbering on about the other day. Not like I care. I have far more important things to concern myself with.

Byron: Now hold on a second! You can’t know who I possibly am.

Serges: …Yes I can.

Byron: No you can’t, so just be quiet and listen: In a time of darkness… when the world needs a hero… there is but one person who can stand up to the terrors of society…

Serges: *sighs with great annoyance*

Byron: *pumps shovel into the air* I am the one… the only… CAPTAIN SHOVELMAN!! DEFENDER OF SHOVELS… EVERYWHERE!! *fireworks go off in the background*

Serges: I DON’T CARE!!

Agile: Serges! Stop this!

Violen: Quit doing all of this stuff, please!

Serges: …You two. You will die for bringing this person in here.

Agile and Violen: NOOOOO!!

Rebel: Serges! We will stop you!

Serges: Just try! It’s already too late… in just a few minutes this world shall be destroyed, and a new order shall be established!

Void: What do you mean?

Serges: Ah, if it isn’t Morph Moth. You were always the biggest pain in my side. And to think at one point I even considered you a rival…

Dark Knight: Just get to the point!

Serges: *coughs* Yes… what you see here… is my greatest creation ever!

*Serges then presses a button, and behind him a monitor lights up, revealing a large satelite.*

Everyone else: A satelite?

Serges: Not just any satelite! In the middle of this room, behind that cage, a large dish will be raised to the very top of the base! There, it will release a transmission to the satelite, which will cause it to activate… Once activated, the satelite will then release powerful energy waves that will cause an instant global warming! My calculations predict a 10% increase in temperature!

Sean: 10%!? That’s ridiculous!

Outlaw: You wouldn’t!

Serges: *laughs maniacally* But I would!

Void: By doing that… you would cause the polar ice caps to melt and raise the water temperature… Places would surely flood.

Violen: That’s horrible! Where would we live!?

Byron: Relax. Yes, if the glaciers were to melt there would definitely be a noticeable rise in water, but it wouldn’t be enough to flood the entire world. Your plan, while still incredibly dangerous, is also incredibly flawed, Serges!

Serges: And that is where you are wrong!

Byron: …Say what?

Serges: Why do you think I chose this place as my new base? This place has a little secret…

Agile: …You clever bastard.

Rebel: What? He’s a clever bastard? Why is he a clever bastard!?

Agile: One of the Maverick’s original plans to annihilate the human race was to flood the world.

Shadowstrike: It was!?

Metabad: Dude, talk about a total plot twist…

Violen: Wasn’t this base the reason for it? I think it could create it’s own water by combining those atom-y things…

Outlaw: Ohhh, I think I remember that. Yeah, it could combine atoms to create its own water and then could pump it into the ocean. That’s why this place was built on the ocean. It also came with a floatation system so that it could support itself when the time finally came.

Void: Yes… but it was scrapped because it was deemed as too time-consuming. Sigma figured that slaughtering the humans would be far more enjoyable, anyway.

Dark Knight: So, in other words…

Sean: All Serges needs to do is melt the ice caps, and then use this base to add to the water level until he gets the desired results…

Byron: Then nothing would be safe…

Rebel: …What? …What!? …WHAAAAAAAAAAAAT!?

Void: Rebel, you act like you never heard of this plan.

Rebel: That’s because I haven’t! You guys kept me in the dark!

Outlaw: But you were a higher rank than us in the war.

Rebel: Forget you! I didn’t know about any of this!

Serges: Who cares about what you didn’t know!? What is important is that this old world will be replaced with a new one, with this base serving as the starting point for my glorious new empire! The New X-Hunters Empire! Then, everyone will serve under me–*sees no one is paying attention to him*

Agile: How could you not know!? I could understand those other guys, because they weren’t there, but you were one of the top Mavericks!

Violen: Even I know… which is saying something…

Rebel: Shut up! You think you know everything!? Well I’m still smarter than you!

Metabad: AND I’M SMARTER THAN YOUR MOM!!

Majin: and im smarter than teh toaster

Serges: HEY!!

Byron: Rebel, I think as leader you need to start remembering these important details more clearly.

Dark Knight: Yeah, seriously. Void is doing a better job at it it seems.

Rebel: Man, you guys are seriously annoying the shit out of me today!

Serges: You… you’re all just jealous! Jealous of my amazing intellect! That’s why you’re ignoring me!

Sean: Serges, do us a favor and be quiet. We are busy arguing here.

Rebel: In other words, SHUT THE FUCK UP.

Serges: Grrrrrrr, I’m being made a fool by you simpletons! You’ll pay for this!

*Mumbling to himself, Serges pushes another button, and a large dish raises from the floor into the middle of the room, behind the cage. It then proceeds to slowly rise up toward the ceiling, which opens up to lead to the outside.*

Byron: What the…!?

Serges: One minute! In just one minute, that dish will reach the top, and generate the transmission for the satelite! This world is doomed! DOOMED!!

Sean: …No!

Metabad: We have to stop him, guys!

Void: Let’s go, Rebel!

Rebel: …

Void: …Rebel!

Rebel: Gah, just shut up already! Void, you piss me off! Everyone else, you know what to do!

Violen: B-but this is Serges! We can’t fight him!

Agile: We just want him to return to normal!

Serges: Normal!? I’m far more normal than you freaks!

Void: This whole thing started because of that hat Serges is wearing… Everyone! Aim for that hat!

Serges: …! Oh, no you don’t!

Sean: Crystal Hunter!

Serges: *moves out of the way and pulls out a small energy gun* Die! *fires a blast*

Sean: Ack! *uses shell to deflect the attack*

Outlaw: Bad move! *moves to where the crystal block was formed by Sean and knocks it toward Serges*

Serges: *gets hit* Gaaah!

Dark Knight: Here’s our chance! *prepares to fire a blast of bubbles*

Shadowstrike: Let me help!

*Shadow quickly places a Sonic Slicer in front of DK, who then releases a large bubble. The bubble slowly touches the slicer, which causes the air to become even more powerful at is goes flying toward Serges Demon Crown, causing it to get torn to shreds.*

Serges: Wh-what…? *falls to knees* My… my crown! MY DEMON CROWN!!

Agile and Violen: SERGES!! *runs up to him*

Serges: GET AWAY FROM ME!! *waves arms back and forth* My crown… it can’t be gone…!

Agile: S-Serges…

Serges: *frantically grabbing the scraps* If… If I put the scraps back together… then surely it will be all right! Surely! Hahahaha… HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!

Dark Knight: This is… kinda pathetic…

Serges: HAHAHAHAHahahaha…ha… *passes out*

Everyone else: …

Outlaw: Oookay… So… what now?

Byron: I believe before dealing with Serges there was something about a dish…

Shadowstrike: What!? The dish!? Oh no!

Void: Crap! *runs over to Serges’ computer* …

Metabad: How’s it lookin’?

Void: …It’s no good. Serges has a really complex system set up. Even if I knew the password I don’t think I could bring the dish back down…

Outlaw: So there’s nothing we can do?

Rebel: …

Violen: Now what do we do?

Majin: Perhaps we should head back to the ship?

Dark Knight: Whoa, Majin isn’t drunk anymore.

Sean: It’s kinda strange how he switches back and forth like that…

Metabad: COULD BE WORSE!!

Sean: *shocked* Yeow! Was that really necessary at a time like this!?

Metabad: Dude, it’s necessary at ALL times.

Agile: Okay, so we’re going to the ship. I’ll bring Serges back…

Void: I’ll help.

*Thus the CIA and the rest return to the ship…*

Flannery: WELCOME BACK!!

Byron: Flannery, did you do an admirable job watching the ship?

Flannery: YOU BET!! I filled it with lots of saaaaaaaaaaand.

Sean: It’s a good thing I left my spare shells at the cleaners…

Agile: Hey guys, I think Serges is starting to wake up!

Serges: Ugh… where am I?

Byron: Serges! Are you sane?

Serges: W-what kind of stupid question is that? And who are you anyway?

Byron: Ohhh, don’t be silly. I already told you who I was.

Serges: …No you didn’t.

Byron: Yes I did.

Serges: *to Agile and Violen* You two, I thought I told you that when you pick up new recruits, make certain they aren’t so… weird. I deal with it enough from you morons.

Agile and Violen: SERGES IS BACK!! *hugs Serges*

Serges: *getting crushed* Ack! Stop it! I can’t… breath…

Void: Guys, let Serges go. We need to fill him in, it seems like…

*A few minutes later…*

Serges: I can’t believe all of that happened from that stupid crown… I was merely trying it on… and the rest is a blank.

Dark Knight: That is definitely weird. But, onto business about the satelite…

Serges: Obviously, it must be stopped. Unfortunately, with my loss in memory I do not think I’ll be capable of doing so. Therefore, we must use brute force.

Majin: How much time do we have?

Serges: Well, if the satelite is out in space… and it will take a brief period of time for the satelite to start emitting the energy waves… so maybe half an hour?

Violen: That’s not a very long time… *sniff*

Serges: Which is why we must destroy it immediately!

Dark Knight: What are our options?

Serges: If we had the time, we could simply build a small missile and shoot it down. Of course, when developing the satelite, I made sure to give it the proper defenses, so even that would be out of the question.

Byron: If we can’t use weaponry, what could we possibly use?

Serges: …Well…

Void: Stop. I know what you are going to suggest.

Shadowstrike: What is he going to say?

Void: …You were going to suggest sending one of us up there to destroy it ourselves, weren’t you?

Serges: …Yes.

Outlaw: That doesn’t sound too bad. One of us just flies up there, takes care of it, and comes back down, right?

Serges: Idiot! That’s not what it means!

Outlaw: Uh… it’s not?

Void: Outlaw… Everyone… What Serges is suggesting is that one of us… sacrifices ourselves to destroy the satelite.

Dark Knight: No… no way!

Agile: Serges! You can’t be serious!

Serges: I am quite serious.

Sean: Unfortunately… it looks like it might be the only feasible option as of right now.

Shadowstrike: This is insane…

Metabad: Yeah… this isn’t even the time to think about stuff, like rawkin’.

Everyone: …

Rebel: …I’ll do it.

Everyone else: What?

Rebel: I said I’ll do it. I will go up there and put a stop to that satelite!

Void: Rebel! Think for a moment! If you were to go, who would guide the rest of the team–

Rebel: I said I’m going and that’s that! If it’s get blown up or drown to death, then God damn it I’m going to blow myself to kingdom come!

Serges: Well, since we so graciously have earned a volunteer… shall we get the preparations ready?

Byron: I shall help.

Sean: Me too.

Void: …I’ll help in a little bit.

*Thus, everyone parts ways, preparing for the moment that Rebel blasts off into outer space to destroy on his final mission…*

Rebel: *to himself* So… this is it…

Void: *enters the room* Rebel, are you sure you want to do this?

Rebel: …Void, I’ve been doing some thinking as of late.

Void: Yeah…?

Rebel: I’m not really cut out for this whole “leader” thing… I just don’t feel like I’m all that good at giving decent orders and stuff.

Void: That’s surprising to hear from you.

Rebel: There’s more to it.

Void: Like what?

Rebel: …Meh, screw it. I’m going, and that’s that. *looks at a clock* Seems that it’s time. *turns back to Void* Void… farewell.

Void: Yes… farewell to you, too, Rebel…

*In the navigation room of the Whale King, everyone but Rebel and Void were present…*

Outlaw: I wonder where Void man ran off too…?

Shadowstrike: He said something about wanting to check something out in his lab, and to not bother him.

Outlaw: So he’s not going to see Rebel off? Damn…

Serges: All right, everyone, this is it. *points to a large monitor before them*

Sean: This monitor is connected to a camera in the docking bay, where the Arwings are located. We have decided to attach several explosives to the hull of one of the Arwings, which Rebel will use to… crash into the satelite.

Metabad: Oh man, I’m getting teary-eyed… does anyone have a hanky?

Majin: *hands one to Metabad*

Metabad: Thanks, dude. *blows nose*

Byron: We will have absolutely no contact with Rebel once he has taken off. All we will be able to do is watch and pray that the mission goes well.

Flannery: I put my good luck sand on the ship, so it should be A-OK!

Dark Knight: So… this is really happening.

Agile: I never thought I’d say it but… I’m gonna miss ‘im.

Violen: I hope you all will be like this if something ever happened to me…

Agile: Yeah… keep on dreaming.

Serges: The Arwing will take off in 10 seconds…

Outlaw: Goodbye, boss bug…

Sean: 5…

Metabad: SUPER AWESOME FIGHTING FORCE FOR LIIIIIIIFE!! *salute-rawks*

Byron: 1… Ready for take off!

*The countdown now finished, the Arwing with the explosives begins to move, heading toward the exit of the ship. In a matter of seconds it is outside, heading upward.*

Outlaw: There goes a brave man.

Majin: He will be missed.

Rebel: *enters the room, clutching head with a crobar in hand* Ugh… what did I miss?

Everyone else: …

Rebel: Hey, what happened to the plan to send me off in one of those Arwings, anyway?

Shadowstrike: Uh… Reb…?

Rebel: What?

Sean: If… if you aren’t piloting the Arwing… then who is!?

Rebel: What…? *looks at the monitor and sees the Arwing* No… he couldn’t! HE WOULDN’T!!

Serges: What is going on!? Who is in that ship!?

Rebel: I… I remember now! Void… he must have hit me with this crobar when my back was turned! I was knocked out for a few minutes!

Outlaw: Say what!?

Sean: Then… that means… the one who is piloting that Arwing is–

Dark Knight: Oh my God, somebody get him out of there!

Byron: We can’t! All communications were cut off for this mission!

Rebel: Why the Hell is that!?

Byron: V-Void recommended it…

Shadowstrike: He’s insane! He’ll never survive!

Rebel: *grabbing hold of the monitor* Void! VOOOOOOOOOIIIIIIIIIIIID!!!!!

*And in a flash, the Arwing makes contact with the satelite, resulting in a massive explosion. Once all was clear, all that could be seen was the emptiness of space, with a few mere scraps of metal debris floating inbetween…*

Serges: It’s… it’s over… the mission was… a success…

Majin: How could this have happened?

Sean: I… really don’t know what to say…

Rebel: *still holding the monitor* VOID!! VOOOOIIIIID!! YOU STUPID IDIOT!! IT WAS ME WHO WAS SUPPOSED TO GO!! ME!! VOOOOOOIIIIIIIIIiiiiiiiiiid… *gets dragged off by Outlaw*

Outlaw: C’mon, boss bug… let’s get some fresh air…

Shadowstrike: I feel sick.

Dark Knight: Same… none of us saw this happening… perhaps not even Void…

Metabad: This has to be a dream, guys… right? Right!?

Byron: *to Flannery and the X-Hunters* I believe this is the part were we head on our way.

Flannery: Huh?

Agile: Y-yeah… we should get going…

Violen: *to the Island Attackers* We’re sorry for your loss…

Serges: We’ll… we’ll deal with you another time… okay!? *wipes eyes and leaves*

Majin, Shadowstrike, Sean, Dark Knight, Metabad: …

*Byron, Flannery, and the X-Hunters all exit the Whale King, leaving the Island Attackers to themselves. On the deck…*

Outlaw: I know how ya feel, boss bug… Void had been with us since the very beginning, heck before even the team was formed… and now it’s just me ‘n’ you.

Rebel: *face covered* …

Outlaw: Boss bug–no, Rebel–I don’t know what you are thinking right now, but please don’t do anything rash… for our sake. *leaves*

Rebel: …Farewell, Void…

The End

Super Dispenser

January 18, 2015

*Written by Shadowstrike*

Trump: *stroking a cat* Yes, yes. *presses a button* Is it done?

Technician: Yes sir, Mr. Trump, sir, we are just putting the finishing touches on it right now.

Trump: No, you’re done. *presses another button and kills the technician* See that kitty? I killed the man!

2nd Technician: Should we bring it to your office sir?

Trump: Yes. Do that.

*A few minutes later*

2nd Technician: Here you are, sir. Your ultimate project. *pulls a tarp off a nearby large machine* The ultimate Coca-Cola dispenser. It dispenses Coca-Cola and all its products at the perfect temperature for free.

Trump: Good. Now you die! *presses another button and his cat explodes*

2nd Technician: …

Trump: …

2nd Technician: I’ll leave?

Trump: *shoots the technician* Not with your life.

2nd Technician: YOU SHOT ME IN THE FOOT!

Trump: Whiner. *throws him out the 42nd floor window*

*Meanwhile*

Rebel: !!!

Void: What’s wrong Reb? Majin jump in the toilet again?

Rebel: No… no… something… else.

Outlaw: Disturbance in the force?

Rebel: Almost. Wait, no. I’ve felt this once before. This is… my Coca-Cola senses…!!! *dashes out of the room*

Majin: moimeyz? *is shoved out of the way, into the toilet*

Void: God damn it!

Sean: Hey, Reb, where you going?

Rebel: !!! *throws Sean out of the way, who flies into Dark Knight, both landing in a heap in the corner*

Sean: What’s wrong with him?

Dark Knight: Could be worse…

Sean: I ha–*is shocked, Dark knight also*

Dark Knight: *coughing smoke* So worth it…

Metabad: Reb! What’s rawkin?!

Rebel: !!! *runs into the cockpit and throws Shadowstrike out*

Shadowstrike: Ow! What’s his problem?

Metabad: I don’t know, it’s not in The Handbook to All Rawkin.

Shadowstrike: Is that an actual book?

Metabad: I wrote it! *rawks*

Rebel: No… it can’t be. It just can’t! This day was never supposed to come!

Void: *banging on the door* Rebel! LET US IN! YOU’RE NOT QUALIFIED TO FLY!

Rebel: SHUT UP VOID OR I’LL GET THE BUG SPRAY!

Void: I–… too far! *runs off*

Shadowstrike: Outlaw, Break the door down.

Outlaw: Okay. *slams into the door, shattering it*

Rebel: Guys! Stay back! This is my holy grail!

Sean: Rebel, you’re circling the Trump Taj Mahal.

Rebel: It’s in there.

Void: *coming back with a box of tissues* What is?

Rebel: Okay, guys. *lands the Whale King (HEY IT DIDN’T CRASH THIS TIME!!!!)* This is a legend passed down by Coca-Cola lovers, from one to another. There is a legendary Coca-Cola dispenser, said to exist only in myth. Such machine is said to dispense any and all Coca-Cola products, even the abysmal New Coke.

Outlaw: I always wanted to try New Coke…

Rebel: Yes, so do I, if only for prosperity sake. The best part of this machine, is that it does it for free! And… the soda’s are always in the perfect temperature, for each person. Guys, this machine might exist. And it is my duty as a coke drinker to see if it is. Can I trust I have your help?

Majin: I’LL HAVE THE SOUP!

*A few minutes later,outside the Whale King*

Rebel: *walking in front of his motley crew of warriors* Men! I stand before, not for selfish purpose, or personal gain.

Metabad: Stop, you will ruin us.

Rebel: But because I have been ordained, by a power greater than I. I will lead us towards victory. We shall go thru the halls of security, where many men will try to stop us with bullets and weapons, then onto the icy laden halls of Trump’s office, where we will find our prize! Shadow to the front!

Shadowstrike: Yes, sir!

Rebel: Shadow, your speed is that of the mythological Hermes. You will lead us as a scout. Do you accept your charge?

Shadowstrike: Aye, sir!

Rebel: Outlaw to the front!

Outlaw: Aye, sir!

Rebel: Outlaw, with your elvish eyes, and inhuman strength, you shall be my backup. You will make sure none of us falter or fall behind. This is your charge. The charge of the caboose. Do you accept?

Outlaw: Aye, sir!

Rebel: Ready men? FORWARD!

Void: If we go forward, we go into a wall.

Rebel: …Ready men? TURN! THEN FORWARD!

Sean: Maybe he will really will ruin us…

Dark Knight: It could be worse…

Sean: You son–BZZT!! *falls down*

Dark Knight: Hehehe… It never gets old.

Sean:

Dark Knight: Hey… you okay?

Sean:

Dark Knight: …Oh… crap… *pokes Sean* WAKE UP! WAKE UP!

Sean: *kicks DK out a window*

Dark Knight: IT COULD BE WOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRSSSSSSSSSSE! *slams into the ground*

Sean: I ha–BZZT!! *explodes into sparks*

Rebel: Can we get a damn medic?

*In a deeper part of the base*

Rebel: Shadow! Any reports?

Shadowstrike: None sir, the building is completely empty, save for the extremely fortified 13th floor.

Rebel: That’s where we go. What are the routes?

Shadowstrike: There are three routes, one up the stairs, one on the outside of the building, and one in the broken elevator shaft. Each is heavily guarded.

Void: Is this a final dungeon?

Rebel: IT IS TRUMP’S FINAL DUNGEON! SPLIT INTO THREE TEAMS! METABAD YOU AND ME ARE GOING TO TAKE THE OUTSIDE!

Metabad: Let’s rawk it up the side!

Rebel: Sean, Shadow, and Void, take the elevator shaft.

Sean: I can’t fly.

Rebel: Well that will suck for you then, won’t it? Outlaw, lead DK and Drunky up the stairs.

Majin: Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeey I take offense to that. I am nto dnokey knog!

*Later, in the elevator shaft*

Shadowstrike: *wall jumping* Stupid elevator being broken.

Sean: I agree. This is just retarded.

Void: Sean, how are you getting up here?

Sean: You’re carrying me.

Void: Would you have any other way to get up?

Sean: Nooope.

Void: Think you should stop complaining?

Sean: …Yeah…

Shadowstrike: Um guys, we got trouble.

Void: What makes you say that?

Shadowstrike: Well, I’m plastered to the wall in Oreo cr?me.

Sean: We’re you eating an Oreo?

Shadowstrike: No.

Sean: Are you sure?

Shadowstrike: YES SEAN, I AM SURE!

Sean: Okay, okay, I am just checking.

Oreo: IT WAS-A ME! *throws cr?me at Sean*

Sean: Okay, I believe Shadow, now VOID SAVE ME!

Void: *sighs and Silk Shots the cr?me* Shadow, cut your self loose. *flies up towards Oreo*

Loreo: WATCH OUT BROTHER! *divebombs Void* I WONT LET HIM-A GET YOU!

Void: *braces himself* Oh, this is nice.

Shadowstrike: I gotcha! *jump kicks the falling Loreo out of Void’s path*

Sean: *fires his shell towards the falling Loreo* Void! Finish it!

Loreo: OH-A NO! *is slammed by the shell and goes flying up*

Void: Got you! *throws a Silk Shot strand towards Loreo and nabs him and spins him, and slams him hard into the ground, and then again a few more times until Loreo was nothing more than a cr?me stain on the ground* Ew…

Oreo: OH-A NO! MY BROTHER! HOW COULD YOU DO THAT!

Sean: Your turn.

Oreo: Nah-uh! *pulls out a giant sized oreo* Not with-a this! With-a this I’ll become a Supa Oreo! *chomps and grows*

Super Oreo: FEAR A-ME NOW!

Void: Sigh… Let’s go.

Shadowstrike: *jumps up and fires a Sonic Slicer at the towering cookie, only for it get lodged into him and do nothing* Aw… great. I can’t do anything to Stay Puft.

Sean: My turn! *fires a Crystal Hunter, and it too lodges in the giant clump of goo* Great.

Super Oreo: Oh-a no! You can’t a-hurt me? Too a-bad! *slams Shadow and Sean into the ground*

Shadow and Sean: Gah! *glued to the ground*

Void: Shit!

Super Oreo: Now just-a you are left! Say-a good night! *lumbers towards Void, who just flies up over him*

Void: Hmm…

Super Oreo: Get a-back down here you a coward! I’m a-gonna kill you!

Void: Come get me! *flies over towards the wall*

Super Oreo: I’M A-GONNA CRUSH-A YOU! *lumbers towards him*

Void: And… now! *fires his huge BFG laser directly into Super Oreo*

Super Oreo: OH-A NO! *falls a part and is blasted away into nothing*

Void: *blasts the cr?me off of Shadow and Sean* Come up, let’s keep going.

*On the stairs*

Dark Knight: Why do I have to drag him?

Outlaw: Because Rebel said so.

Dark Knight: No he didn’t.

Outlaw: I said he did. And that’s final.

Majin: FINAL? dun dun dun dun dunna dun dun dun ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWN WOOO!

Dark Knight: No crappy 80’s songs! *kicks Majin*

Outlaw: Hey! I like 80’s songs!

Dark Knight: No! *goes to kick Outlaw but is hit by a large object*

Outlaw: 80’s song win. Haha.

Majin: YEAH! *does a pose*

Dark Knight: You jerks! I was hit by… an Oreo… barrel?

Outlaw: Oh god… not another Oreo thing.

Dunky Kong: Ooh-ooh! *throws another barrel*

Dark Knight: NOT THIS TIME! *jumps toward it and extends his spikes* HAHA! *is hit and is now covered from head to toe in cr?me* Yeah… I didn’t think this one through very well.

Majin: MUNKY!!! *throws a wire chain at Dunky Kong* TRUK NOT MUNKY! *the chain goes deep into the cr?me monkey and stays there* GIVE THAT BACK! *throws another, it also sticks* Ruh-roh.

Dunky Kong: *roars and grabs the wire chains and swings Majin, slamming him into the wall, then the ceiling, then slams him into DK, knocking the two out for now*

Outlaw: No! No!!

Dunky Kong: *grunts*

Outlaw: Oh, you are going down you damn dirty ape! *charges*

Dunky Kong: *charges forward too, and throws a Oreo barrel at him*

Outlaw: No chance! *throws a Spin Wheel at the barrel, making it explode and evaporate. The Spin Wheel keeps going and slices through the cr?me monkey’s leg, sending him tumbling towards Outlaw* LUNCH TIME! *opens his jaws wide*

Dunky Kong: !!!! *tries to get away but…*

Outlaw: *CHOMP* Tasty.

Dark Knight: Good going… now get us out of here!

Outlaw: Hehehe. Sure. *throws Spin Wheels*

Dark Knight: GAH!

*Outside of the building*

Metabad: This rawks! *running up the side of the building*

Rebel: *climbing* Not really.

Metabad: No, it rawks! *rawks*

Rebel: Is it much further?

Metabad: About 15 stories.

Rebel: We shoulda took the stairs and made Sean come this way.

Metabad: It could be worse.

*Back in the elevator*

Sean: *shocked* OW!

Void: *also shocked* DAMN IT!

*Back outside*

Rebel: Did you say that just so it would shock him?

Metabad: Why else would I say that?

Rebel: Nice job.

Metabad: Thank you.

*Suddenly a low rumble is heard*

Rebel: You hear something?

Metabad: Yeah, I did.

???: Mwahahah!!

Rebel: Are you kidding me?

Metabad: What… is that?

???: I AM THE GREAT OREO KING! I AM THE GREAT OREOWSER. AND THIS IS MY OREO CAR!

Rebel: Sigh… Ready Metabad?

Metabad: Let’s rawk! *jumps towards the towering form of Oreowser*

Oreowser: No chance! *swats Metabad away*

Metabad: Not rawkin! *grabs back onto the building*

Rebel: Attack the car, not him! *tosses Magnet Mines at the car*

Metabad: Gotcha! *fires Speed Burners towards the car*

Oreowser: Not likely! *dodges all and starts breathing Oreo crumbs at the two, making them scramble to dodge*

Rebel: Come on! This guy is insane! *throws a Magnet Mine and guides it to the bottom propeller* That should work! *it explodes and the car wobbles* Yes!

Oreowser: Grawr! *slams his Oreo car into Rebel, slamming him against the side of the building and through it*

Rebel: Get away from me! *kicks Oreoswer in the face*

Oreowser: You’re done! *gets out of the Oreo car and slams it into Rebel, knocking him back*

Metabad: That’s it! *drop kicks towards Oreowser*

Oreowser: *spins and swats Metabad back with the Oreo car, knocking him out of the building*

Rebel: YOU ARE GOING DOWN! *throws 15 Magnet Mines into the oreo car, they explode and it becomes nothing more than vapor* NOW FOR YOU! *pounces onto Oreowser. He hits him with such a force the two crash through the floor and he starts tearing into the Oreo King*

Oreowser: GET OFF OF ME! *spins and knocks Rebel off*

Metabad: BIG MISTAKE! *flame kicks Oreowser*

Oreowser: GRAWL!! *latches onto Metabad, and slams him into the next floor and they go through it*

Metabad: Grr… you filthy Oreo! *kicks the Oreo turtle off of him and quickly spins and kicks him towards the window. The giant Oreo goes flying out of it*

Oreowser: *goes to grab back towards the window*

Rebel: NO CHANCE! *drop kicks the beast and sends it flying towards the ground at terminal velocity*

Oreowser: *growls and grabs at Rebel, but misses* YOU HAVEN’T SEEN THE LAST OF MEEEE–*slams into the ground*

Rebel: That was tougher than it should have been…

Metabad: Yeah, but it still rawks.

Rebel: You know it! *rawks*

Metabad: *rawks*

*Later, inside the building*

Sean: An Oreo Donkey Kong?

Dark Knight: Yeah. Believe it?

Sean: I don’t get what it is with Trump and these Oreo Nintendo characters.

Rebel: MEN! STAND BEFORE ME!

*They do so*

Rebel: I thank you. You have followed me through many a peril. Many Oreo enemies, some we haven’t seen before. I now ask you: There is one more challenge. Through that door, lies our greatest enemy. A Mr. Donald Trump. Will you follow me? I can not guarantee you will all survive. Do I have all of you?

Outlaw: You have my wheel!

Shadowstrike: You have my slicers!

Sean: You have my crystals!

Majin: YOU HAZ MY CHAINZ!

Metabad: You have my flames!

Dark Knight: You have my bubbles!

Void: Give me a break… *gets looked at* Okay, okay, you have my silk.

Rebel: Men, no. My friends. Thank you! Now are you READY?

Everyone else: YAAA!

Rebel: NOW LET’S GO! *charges through the door*

*Silence*

*A single clap is heard, then another*

Trump: Long time no see, Island Attackers. I must admit I did not expect to see you again like this. I must commend your efforts. But you see, it was all in vain.

Rebel: GIVE UP THE SODA!

Trump: Heheh. No chance. You can’t win this one. For the soda machine… wants to stay… with me. *snaps fingers and the soda machine starts the spark and shine, and soon its form changes and becomes almost transformer like*

Dispensor: You fools! Trump created me, why would I go with you?

Outlaw: He’s pure evil!

Dispensor: So. Am. I.

Rebel: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

Void: *slaps Rebel*

Rebel: Thanks Void. That can’t be true! COKE IS UNCORRUPTABLE!

Dispensor: He infused the pure essence of Pepsi into each can inside me.

Rebel: You… you… YOU FIEND! *throws a Magnet Mine at Trump*

Trump: You fool. *swats the mine towards Sean*

Sean: Gah!

Majin: *uses his chain to knock the mine away*

Sean: Thanks.

Rebel: CIA! ATTACK! *jumps towards Dispensor, only to be knocked out of the air by a can* IT BURNS!!!

Dark Knight: *splashes Rebel with Bubble Splash*

Shadowstrike: Sean! Hide in your shell!

Sean: Okay! *hides in his shell*

Shadowstrike: TAKE THIS! *kicks Sean at the enemy*

Sean: I DIDN’T AGREE TO THIS! *slams into Dispensor*

Shadowstrike: *kicks the rebounding shell back into the large robot*

Dispensor: You die. Now. *intercepts Sean and slams him into the ground, knocking him out*

Rebel: Shadow! That was reckless!

Shadowstrike: Sorry… I… thought… never mind. *jumps back firing Sonic Slicers*

Outlaw: *uses his drill spin to bore into the giant robot* This thing is tough…

Dispensor: Yes. I am. For I was made by the Glorious Master Trump.

Void: Why can’t this be a short fight?

Dispensor: For that you go down next! *starts to chain fire cans towards the moth*

Void: Nice aim! *dodges each one*

Rebel: YOU FAKER! *tosses a Magnet Mine onto it’s can launcher. It explodes and the gun is broken* NO ATTACKS NOW HUH?

Dispensor: Wrong. The glorious Trump has given me another attack for which to destroy you. *a large nozzle appears over his shoulder. He aims towards Rebel and starts to blast high pressure Coca-Cola*

Rebel: *nimbly dodging* Any other day this would be heaven… *disappears and reappears behind Majin*

Majin: GASP!!!

Rebel: Majin, I need you to start charging your thunderbolt.

Majin: OKEZ! *does so*

Rebel: DISTRACT HIM! *throws Magnet Mines at Dispensor*

Dispensor: Failure. *blasts them out of the air* You miserable failure.

Shadowstrike: *fires a Sonic Slicer, getting Dispensor’s attention quickly*

Dispensor: *starts to fire towards Shadow*

Metabad: HEY OVER HERE! *flame kicks Dispensor in the knee*

Dispensor: *starts to get lost with all the targets*

Dark Knight: *throws himself towards the giant robot, spikes out*

Void: *throws a Silk Shot at DK, stopping him* Trust me!

Dark Knight: Go for it!

Void: *starts to use DK like a mace*

Rebel: Good thinking. Everyone! KEEP IT UP!

*Everyone keeps attacking Dispensor, who can’t even lock on for longer than a second onto any of the CIA*

Majin: Done! *fires the giant electric beam into the nozzle of the giant robot, shocking its reserve of soda, and causing the robot to explode*

Trump: Sigh… another minion destroyed. Yet again, I must leave.

Outlaw: No, you’re going back to jail where you belong, Trump!

Trump: That is impossible. For you see, we are eternal enemies, no matter where the time or place. Goodbye CIA. We will meet again. *teleports out*

Rebel: NO! GET BACK HERE! *falls to his knees* WAS IT WORTH IT? ALL THIS PAIN AND LOSS? *tears off his shirt* WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHY???? WE WERE THE CHOSEN PEOPLE!!!

Void: Let’s… just get out of here…

Dark Knight: Rebel was wearing a shirt?

Metabad: That was rawkin!

*Later, in the Whale King…*

Void: Don’t worry Rebel, you’ll find it one day.

Rebel: I know I will. I can sense it. It’s vague… but it it’s out there. And I’m making it my life’s mission to find it! *places hand on the window* For… it will… complete me…

The End

Back to School

January 16, 2015

*Written by Sean*

*Void is working in his lab when suddenly an uninvited guest walks in.*

Sean: Hey, Void what are you working on?

Void: I’m trying to work on a new type of power supply, even more compact and powerful than what is currently housed in most reploids. See? *holds up a small glowing orb*

Sean: Neat. That is pretty small.

Void: And also very delicate so I’d like you to leave.

Sean: What?

Void: You’re both cursed and seem to be a bad luck magnet. I’d rather you leave before anything goes wrong. So if you don’t mind–

*Just then, the Whale King violently jerked. The small ball flies right out of Void’s hand.*

Sean: Got it. *catches it*

Void: See what I mea–wait, what?

Sean: Here, take it back quick. *hands it over to Void.*

Dark Knight: Hey, someone has apparently started tailing the Whale King and Shadowstrike is trying to lose them. You probably should head over. Also, it could be worse.

Sean: *shocked* Ouch… I don’t think I’m ever going to get used to that.

Void: *mumbling* But, you… and the curse… and bad luck… and every other time but–

Sean: Look, even I have my moments.

*And how often they occur tends to increase under certain writers or writer. However I’ll leave the obvious favoritism alone for now and switch to Shadowstrike at the wheel.*

Rebel: Shadowstrike, report!

Shadowstrike: Huh? When did you come in here?

Rebel: Just tell me what’s wrong.

Shadowstrike: Yeah, sorry. Focusing on losing this guy. He started tailing me a little while ago and I can’t seem to lose him. He’s been following me for a few minutes now. I swear I could have lost him if I hadn’t been up all night practicing or if that loud siren wasn’t making it so hard to think. He just fired a warning shot a little while ago so I’d better figure out something soon.

Outlaw: Siren?

Shadowstrike: Yeah and flashing lights… I really need some sleep.

Void: I’d say so.

Shadowstrike: Let me just land and get this over with.

*And so once the Whale King is firmly on the ground…*

Reploid Cop: So you mean to tell me that you’ve been resisting arrest due to sleep deprivation and the fact the only other things in the air generally are trying to shoot you down?

Shadowstrike: Yes?

Reploid Cop: That is by far one of the dumbest excuses I’ve gotten. I need to see your license and vehicle registration.

Shadowstrike: Well, here is my license and for registration… Uh, Rebel?

Rebel: Don’t look at me. We were given this by lizard-bird-things. I didn’t bother asking about it. It was weird enough as is. Sean?

Sean: Just because I spent a few years on that island doesn’t mean I knew about everything on it. Void? You generally seem to handle this stuff.

Void: Do you know how long my to do list is? How about you Outlaw?

Outlaw: Why would I be responsible for it?

Void: Well you do some exploring and I really don’t want to be responsible for it.

Reploid Cop: I think this is why general policy is generally to pretend all the vigilantes don’t exist… Also, this license is expired.

Shadowstrike: Uh….

Reploid Cop: Here, take this. *hands out a ticket* You need to pay a fine and complete a few courses on proper piloting. Also deal with having this vehicle inspected and registered. You’re lucky that we technically owe you guys a few favors from the last time you helped save the world so I’m being lenient. Next time I see a giant whale in the sky I’ll just ignore it.

Gold Ranger: Boom time?

Silver Ranger: Boom time!

*They leave in their flying whale zord.*

Reploid Cop: …I doubt even X has to deal with stuff like this. Let me just check your records and see if there is anything else I need to do before I go chase after another flying whale. I mean whales don’t even fly, so what are the odds of finding two groups of crazies who believe they do?

Sean: I can’t believe you have to go back to school.

Shadowstrike: At least I’m not cursed.

Sean: Yeah, but–

Dark Knight: It could be worse?

Sean: *shocked* Okay, classes are better.

Reploid Cop: Well that’s good because I pulled up your file. Apparently you recently lost any degrees you had simply from them being about a century old.

Sean: What?

Void: Another reason not to let you in my lab I guess. Anyways, you–

Sean: Just wait one second before you continue.

Void: Why?

Reploid Cop: Because since you created Frankenploid and a few other monstrosities, it’s required that you take some classes on ethics and do a little community service. I suggest teaching a few classes since you’ll already be on a university campus.

Void: What?

Rebel: You don’t honestly expecting us to wait for you guys do you?

Metabad: We can’t wait, we have to rawk!

Reploid Cop: That’s too bad, because your vigilante activities also require you two to pay some fines and take a couple classes on acting within the law.

Metabad: Can’t rawk?

Dark Knight: Looks like it.

Reploid Cop: And I’m signing you up for a few classes on ethics just because it looks like you need it.

Majin: Wat? Ware is peoplz do’n?

Reploid Cop: And it looks like you need a few AA meetings. I doubt they’ll actually fix anything.

Outlaw: And what about me?

Reploid Cop: Hmm… Don’t seem to have anything worthwhile on you. I suggest signing up for some classes while you guys are grounded anyways.

Outlaw: Might as well. I guess I’ll take some cooking classes.

Reploid Cop: Now I’m leaving before something goes horribly wrong.

Void: Probably a good idea.

Rebel: Shadowstrike, you’re very lucky.

Shadowstrike: Why?

Rebel: My hatred of Trump is what is keeping me from telling you you’re fired at this point.

Void: Let’s just get this over with.

*And so starts the first day of classes.*

*Ethics Class*

Reploid Professor: Today, we have a guest speaker. He is the hologram of the famous scientist, Dr. Thomas Light.

Dr. Light Hologram: So you’ve come… X, I gave you the ability to choose your own path in life, and I hoped the world would allow you to choose a peaceful one.

Void: Sir? I think that one is just a recording.

Reploid Professor: That is inconsequential.

Dr. Light Hologram: I give you a special present. Now, enter the capsule, please!

Dark Knight: At least there won’t be any trick questions.

*Piloting Lessons*

Johnny: You lowlifes can call me Johnny. If you want to pass this class, challenge me anytime.

Shadowstrike: Wait, so you’re not actually teaching us anything? We just need to beat you in a race?

Johnny: The other docs can try and fill your heads. I just want to know that you can ride the wind.

Shadowstrike: Score!

*Lessons on Vigilantism and Heroism*

Robo: Today, we’re covering planet devourers and destroyers of biological, technological, and magical nature. I do warn you that when we get to magical ninety percent are from Square-Enix.

Rebel: Sweet, this looks cool.

Robo: Also this lecture is over two hours long and will be on the test so start taking notes.

Metabad: No longer rawkin’.

Sean: Yeah, I know.

Rebel: What are you doing here?

Sean: I’m getting a degree that takes about four years in a few weeks. I’m taking every class possible and overclocking my system to stay awake. During classes I’m also taking classes online. I’m not sure how long that’s going to last, but I should have enough credits for something by the time you’re done with classes.

*AA Meeting*

Bender: Stop drinking? Pfft, why would you ever want to do that?

Majin: WHEEE! Tawk’n tin!

Random Reploid: Wait… Shoot, it’s only motivational after they stop doing the drugs and drinking. *facepalms*

*Technobabble 101*

Void: And that is how we seem to power our modern weaponry and advanced machinery with such small power supplies without seeming to ever need to replace them or charge. Any questions?

Sean: So how easy is it going to be to annoy you during this?

Void: You’re in this class? Well I guess it could be worse.

Sean: *shocked* Okay, I’ll shut up and go back to taking notes.

*Gourmet Cooking*

Cooking Mama: Wow, even better than Mama! *gesturing towards a soufflé*

Outlaw: Huh? You like that? You can have it. I’ve decided to make myself a better snack. *takes out a large pot with a boiling green liquid*

Cooking Mama: Gah! *faints*

*Later, in a cafeteria…*

Dark Knight: Why are we meeting up here again?

Rebel: Close by and cheap cola.

Outlaw: But the food here sucks.

Shadowstrike: For once we agree on that.

Majin: Woot! Me haz a hat! *hides under the table*

Void: So far this looks like a waste of time.

Metabad: Lame.

Void: I guess at least I’ve learned I can accept Sean helping out now and then. Can you take this back to the Whale King? *hands over the energy supply earlier*

Dark Knight: So, I guess it could be worse.

Sean: *shocked* Ouch, I said I had my moments. That doesn’t mean you should tempt fate. *hands back a completely fried piece of machinery*

Void: Okay, so today has been a waste of time.

Rebel: Just shut up and drink some cola.

*Day 2*

*Piloting Lessons*

Johnny: What? You won? I am a man of my word. I’ll pass you. Feel free to challenge me again anytime.

Shadowstrike: Why the Hell would I do that?

Johnny: Come on! We can ride the wind, baby!

Shadowstrike: Now you’re getting creepy…

Johnny: Extra credit?

Shadowstrike: NO! Let me just either graduate or move onto whatever other crazy class I have to take.

Penguin: Race me for a star?

Johnny: Excellent! *runs off with the penguin*

Shadowstrike: What is wrong with you people?

*AA Meeting*

Random Reploid: Well, today we would be continuing from yesterday but I think that is the last of what we want to do here. Now remember despite what that other robot said, none of us need alcohol. It is a drug that can ruin our lives. Why don’t we all take this time to talk and share our past experiences?

Majin: X-pear-ance-es?

Random Reploid: Yes. Like memories. What do you think is causing you to drink?

Majin: w00t! Drink! *takes out a keg*

Random Reploid: Where did you get that?

*Technobabble 101*

Void: Now in this scenario *points to a complicated diagram on the board* what is the simplest possible way of stopping the doomsday device, rescuing your companions, and defeating the villain?

Sean: *raises hand*

Void: Yes?

Sean: Cast reflect. The power supply seems magical in nature so if you used reflect it would rebound destroying both the device and the villain.

Void: What? You can’t bring magic into this.

Sean: Fine, reverse the polarity. Happy?

Void: No, but correct.

*Time Travel and You*

Lucca: Now today, we’ll be discussing time travel and the possible positives and negatives gained from it. We also will be discussing how to avoid paradoxes when using time travel.

Sean: Wait, isn’t this actually going to discuss building a time machine?

Lucca: No, not after this class’s previous finals.

Rebel: What?

Void: And this is why we’re not building a time machine.

Metabad: I don’t think I like this class.

Lucca: The timeline is not quite as delicate as one may seem but you can mess things up quite a lot with it.

Dark Knight: Like?

Lucca: Accidently making your ancestors lizards or amphibians instead of mammals comes to mind.

*Gourmet Cooking*

Outlaw: *pokes the Cooking Mama* Are you still unconscious? You didn’t even try it.

*Later, in the cafeteria again…*

Void: You know messing with your systems is going to end poorly, right?

Sean: Don’t worry. I’m moving faster than expected. I can squeeze in an hour of sleep in three days if I keep to my schedule. Though these breaks for food with you guys might throw me off.

Dark Knight: It could always be worse.

Sean: *shocked* And an additional side effect seems to be dulled pain reception.

Dark Knight: Meh, no good can come from this.

Rebel: So has Majin actually made any progress?

Majin: Teh diskus z bestes sport! *throws a dinner plate across the room and cheers when it hits the wall*

Shadowstrike: I think he is getting worse. How about you Outlaw? How is taking classes for fun?

Outlaw: Not bad. Though for a chef my professor has a pretty weak stomach or rather nose in this case.

Shadowstrike: You killed your teacher?!

Outlaw: Nah, she’s just unconscious.

Metabad: Rawking! I wish any of my professors were like that, then I wouldn’t have to listen to the lectures.

*Day 3*

*How to Operate a Giant Robot*

Zordon: If any of you are worried by the fact I’m a giant head in a jar, fear not. I still managed to make several seasons of idiotic teenagers automatic experts in this field.

Shadowstrike: Well, this will possibly be more useful than I thought.

Outlaw: Yeah, it can’t possibly hurt us.

Shadowstrike: You’re in this class, too?

Outlaw: Figured it would be fun and Cooking Mama is still asleep. Sean’s here, too.

Shadowstrike: Really?

Outlaw: Yeah, he’s right–*turns and sees Sean no longer next to him* That’s funny. Where did he go?

Sean: *working on a giant robotic animal* If I replace the auxiliary systems necessary for the lesser used alternate forms I can increase the power supply and reroute it to the weapons and shield generator. Then when it forms an arm or a leg in the still valid Megazord combinations, I can charge enough energy to easily take out most giant monsters provided I remove the safeties first… However, it also could cause a backlash across all five zords leading to their destruction unless I change the metallic alloy used in the armor to a compound more resistant to the energy radiation-

Zordon: I think I will call you Billy.

Shadowstrike: Looks like he got confused on what the goal of this class is.

Outlaw: Yep.

*Void’s Office Hours*

Void: No! I am not giving you a postponement on your project because you’re waiting for a lightning storm and the forecast for the next few weeks is clear skies. There are plenty of other power sources available. Stop being so damn cliché.

Hunchbacked, Nerdy Reploid with Beady Eyes: Curses!

Flirty Reploid: Uh, professor could you explain how to solve this problem again? *leans over desk*

Void: Doesn’t anyone normal ever show up to these office hours?!

*Determining Lethal Force*

Superman: Now, this is a common problem for superheroes so don’t be ashamed to admit it. Lots of times a foe can look stronger than he is or you just were caught off guard and hit with full strength by reflex. However it is necessary to at most only use enough force to knock them unconscious.

Dark Knight: Even if when found guilty they’ll get the death penalty?

Superman: Yes, even then.

Rebel: Would you be charged with manslaughter if you slip up?

Superman: In most cases, no. However, if you are unsure it is better to only use a weapon you know is nonlethal.

Metabad: How do you make fire nonlethal?

Superman: We’re getting off topic. Now pay attention to this slideshow. *points to a picture of a stereotypical mad scientist* This is an easy one. Notice the lab coat, glasses, messy hair, and bad posture. Be very careful around these guys, their spines can snap easily. However if they later use some experimental mutagen and go insane, *slide switches to a picture of a monster similar to the Hulk in form* you’re generally allowed to go all out until you beating them unconscious reverts them to normal.

*AA Meeting*

Random Reploid: How about I try sharing a personal memory with you first? I may not look like it now, but I was once a client too. It’s important that you understand–

Majin: DADDY! *runs over and gives the lecturer a hug*

Random Reploid: *starts sniffling and then breaks down into tears* Muh my father never loved me!

*At the cafeteria again…*

Void: Aren’t we going to do something about this?

Rebel: Which? Majin corrupting the guy who was running the AA meetings–

Majin: CHUG! *shouting at a Reploid trying to drink an entire keg*

Rebel: –Or Sean building some type of doomsday device out of the microwave, the salt and pepper shakers, all of our silverware, and a pretzel.

Sean: MWHA HA HA! It’s almost complete! I just need a little bit more processing power! *beats up a freshman and steals his laptop and backpack* Soon, very soon! I now only need one more key component and I know where I can find it!

Void: Probably the second.

Outlaw: I know of a brew that I can make that should fix it.

Shadowstrike: Nah, just let him work it out of his system.

Dark Knight: Besides, this is hilarious.

*Day 4*

*Technobabble 101*

Void: Okay, everyone settle down. Now–

Sean: At last! I have finished my life’s work! *sets down a giant hunk of sparking, whirring machinery that still has part of it recognizable as a microwave*

Void: You started that during lunch yesterday.

Sean: DO NOT MOCK ME! I MOCK YOU! I MOCK REALITY! BUT I WILL NOT BE MOCKED! *opens the microwave door and drops in two Game Boy cartridges and presses start* I WILL UNLEASH THE MOST DEVESTATING GLITCH OF THE VIRTUAL WORLD INTO THE REAL WORLD! ALL OF REALITY WILL BE RUINED!

*The device starts sparking even more and explodes. A very bizarre image rises from the ruins*

MissingNo.: I’m FREE! FiNally FreE! *flies off and as he/she/it leaves random objects are duplicated or corrupted*

Sean: NO! *falls and curls up into the fetal position*

Void: I’ll give you an A-, you should have spent more time bug checking. For those of you still working on your projects, they are due in two weeks and I do not want anything that might destroy the fabric of reality.

Hunchbacked, Nerdy Reploid with Beady Eyes: Curses!

*Gourmet Cooking*

Cooking Mama: NO! BEGONE!

Outlaw: Here. *places a clothes pin on her nose* I need to whip up an old family recipe.

*Random Hallway*

Shadowstrike: Will you two stop asking!? I don’t want to race!

*The Penguin and Johnny walk off*

Shadowstrike: Man, I hate those guys.

Boshi: You have any cookies? I only race one-on-one versus those who can cough up a bet.

Shadowstrike: *sighs*

*Determining Lethal Force*

Superman: No. “I have kryptonite so just pass me” is not the correct answer. Neither is “If I kill him he’ll probably come back from the dead in a week.” I’ll accept “slightly singed” just because I’m grading on a curve.

Dark Knight: Damn, he called my bluff.

Rebel: I think my answer is true.

Metabad: Rawkin’! I can pass this!

*A Bar Just Off Campus*

Majin: DuDe! U’v had 2 mulch!

Random Reploid: *belches and passes out*

Majin: Tax-E!

Bartender: You’re still in the bar.

Hobo: *snaps his fingers and Majin and the other reploid are gone* You really need better clientele. Well, I’m off to my box. *gets up and leaves*

*In the cafeteria again…*

Outlaw: Hold him down!

Sean: YoU InSoLENt fOOls! UnhAND ME!

Rebel: We didn’t want to do this! *pins him to the ground*

Dark Knight: Says you! *pries open the mouth*

Outlaw: Don’t worry it tastes great. *pours a gallon of sludge down his mouth*

Sean: *passes out*

Outlaw: There, he’ll be fine when he wakes up.

*A very fancy reploid approaches*

Void: Hey, I know you! You’re the head of this university.

Head of the University: Yes, and to preemptively save my school I’m graduating you all now. *hands out a pile of degrees* I’m passing you from the classes the law was requiring you to take and giving you all the degrees you possibly could have been going for at the time.

Shadowstrike: But we can’t possibly have learned everything we need.

Head of the University: One second. *makes a hand gesture and a very large reploid comes over with a huge pile of books* These should cover all the information that would be taught in the classes. You can read up on the material at your leisure.

Void: Um, wow.

Head of the University: And here is a paycheck for all the work you were doing.

Void: But it was supposed to be community service…

Head of the University: Who cares? Speaking of service, I’ve had a bunch of undergraduates do all the necessary repairs and maintenance to your ship as a work study. I also used my influence to rush the inspection and have everything they had on hand used to restock the ship. Now, here let me help you out the door. *claps his hands and another really large reploid picks everyone up and carries them to the Whale King*

Sean: *wakes up* Ugh… What happened?

Void: You graduated early.

Sean: Oh, okay.

Rebel: I can’t help but feel we’re forgetting something.

*Elsewhere…*

Gates: What? Why is everything giving me the blue screen or red ring of death? I invented those–they shouldn’t attack me!

MissingNo.: HeY, tHiS IS fUN!

The End

An Unlikely Trio

January 12, 2015

*Written by Metabad*

*It was a normal day at the Whale King… and this time I can actually say that, because none of the CIA members were actually in their base, instead they were just relaxing at a nearby pizza parlor having a nice meal*

Outlaw: Oh, these anchovies look really good…

Dark Knight: Ehh… I’d prefer plain old raw meat on my pizza.

Outlaw: Oh, now THAT is a good idea!

Dark Knight: You bet it is.

Void: NO, we’re all going to order one pizza… one that is actually edible.

Outlaw and Dark Knight: Aww man…

Metabad: He’s just lookin’ out for his bros dude.

Rebel: So what do you want on this rawkin’ pizza, Meta?

Metabad: Eh, I dunno… I mean all I really had before was cheese pizza, but if you can think of some rawkin’ toppin’z then feel free to rawk out some hardcore-type toppin’z.

Rebel: Alright, but first I got to get some soda.

Majin: FERGY!! Wutever dat iz… *foams at the mouth*

Shadowstrike: Did we REALLY need to bring him along? *points at Majin*

Majin: gurgagurgurgurg… *spins around* u spin me rite roond baby rite roond.

Sean: Well if we didn’t bring him along with us, he probably would have singlehandedly destroyed the Whale King if left unattended in his drunken stupor.

Void: Hey, I’m supposed to be the guy with the sophisticated vocabulary around here!

Majin: I dun car giez I gotta go potty! *bounces towards the bathroom on his head*

Rebel: *walks up to counter* Yeah, hi, I need something to tide me over while I decide on what pizza to get…

Unimportant Person: …

Rebel: So, as you may or may not know… I need some damn Coca-Cola, so you got any?

Unimportant Person: …Nope… We only sell Pepsi.

Rebel: …

Shadowstrike: Uh-oh…

Rebel: …

Sean: …I take it we should run?

Rebel: …

Outlaw: EVERYONE, OUT OF THE BUILDING, NOW!

*So the CIA did as they were told and evacuated the building, save for Rebel and Majin*

Sean: So what do you think he’s going to do in there?

*The Pizza Parlor explodes in a fiery rage*

Outlaw: That.

*Majin was still sitting on the toilet reading a newspaper, presumably unaware of the destruction around him*

Void: Umm… Majin?

Majin: *puts newspaper down* a littel privacy if u plz *continues reading newspaper*

Rebel: *twitch*

Metabad: Hey Rebel dude, it’s alright, everything’s rawksome now, kay?

Rebel: …They… sold… Pepsi… they… sold… Pepsi…

Outlaw: Look, don’t worry everything’s alright now.

Mewtwo: Heh… but not for long… *uses telekinesis to lift Rebel up into the air*

Rebel: GAH! What the?!

Metabad: Dude, that was totally not rawksome, who are you anyways?

Mewtwo: *sighs* I thought you might ask that… I am Mewtwo.

Outlaw: Oh, you’re that Pokemon, right?

Mewtwo: Indeed, I am… for too long has my name gone unmentioned and unheard of… well no more! I am taking a stand, in fact… my friends and I have been taking a stand for quite some time now…

Void: …And who might your friends be?

Mewtwo: Hahaha, I’m glad you asked, fool…

Rebel: Oh, and by the way… You are anything BUT underrated, I mean you had two of your own movies which you starred in, you’re so damn powerful in the games, if not the most powerful…

Majin: *eyes bulge out* HE’S RITE!

Shadowstrike: Also you got to be in Super Smash Brothers Melee, so your claims of being underrated are false, heck you’re probably one of the most popular Pokemon in the entire franchise so what do you have to complain about?

Mewtwo: Hrmph, I was once popular, I’ll admit that… but no more, how many games am I in now? I was left out of Gold and Silver, returned for Fire Red and Leaf Green but only because those were remakes. There wasn’t a trace of me in Ruby, Saphire and Emerald… I wasn’t in Diamond and Pearl or Platinum, and they had the nerve to put in Arceus, the most powerful god-like Pokemon in the world, it is as if they were trying to mock me…

Metabad: You do bring up a good point, but–

Mewtwo: –Also my voice actor for the first movie Phillip Bartlett is a rather unknown voice actor, who has never even been mentioned since his debut movie… he’s really had no other roles either… people don’t even know nowadays whether he is dead or not… and let’s face it, Dan Green sounded too much like Yu-gi-oh in the second movie I was in… after that I only appeared in intros, and only had a cameo in a single episode where I was some sort of mirage. I also was replaced in Brawl by that pesky Lucario… and Brawl was much anticipated, perhaps more so than melee, it raised that pitiful normal pokemon to fame while I collected dust as a trophy.

Metabad: True, I did miss you in Brawl…and your first voice actor does need more love.

Shadowstrike: But you had your fame, can’t you pass the torch onto someone else?

Mewtwo: NO! *lifts Shadowstrike up with telekinesis and sends him crashing into a building* I have had enough, like I said; my friends and I are taking a stand… like I, they too are hated, underrated and underappreciated, although unlike me they never really had their claim to fame. So come on out, you two!

Snagglepuss: Enter stage left… *walks in* Good morning day!

Mewtwo: This is Snagglepuss… a Hanna Barbara cartoon mountain lion, he was overshadowed by the likes of Scooby Doo and Yogi Bear, and thus never really was that popular, and he was constantly ridiculed by immature gay jokes, well no more…

Sean: …You’re kidding, right?

Snagglepuss: *takes out tommy gun from hammerspace* Heavens to Murgatroyd I’m gonna shoot you all, kill you, even!

Mewtwo: Hahaha… and my other friend should be coming in just a second.

*Soon the entire city shook, as if an earthquake was occurring, the source of the tremor was eventually revealed as a loud roaring sound was heard, the CIA looked in the general direction of where the noise came from*

Mewtwo: This is the American Godzilla, or to the Godzilla fans, simply “Zilla” Do I even need to explain that this poor creature is hated? He is scorned by countless fanboys for “not staying true to the Godzilla name.”

Shadowstrike: Well the movie wasn’t even that great, really.

Mewtwo: But you fools don’t realize that it was a wonderful movie by itself… He was relatively ignored after his movie, and out of spite Godzilla 2000 was aired in American theaters… just to blow the American version out of the water.

Shadowstrike: The cartoon was cool; I’ll give him that–

Rebel: Shut up and let him continue! *Whacks Shadowstrike upside the head*

Shadowstrike: Ow…

Mewtwo: Well I did not like that one bit, and those insects at Toho had the nerve to put Zilla in one of their own movies only for Godzilla to beat him within a few seconds, that was biased and unfair and I for one shall not stand for it.

Metabad: Then shouldn’t you be sitting down?

Mewtwo: The cartoon starring him was good, so why must you hate him? In fact, because of you, I’ve taken this creature into my care after the cartoon ended just so that you wretched fools would cease harming him.

Zilla: ROOOOOAR!!

Mewtwo: He’s quite enraged you see? He wishes to prove that he’s better than that puppet lizard, just as much as I wish to prove that I am stronger than Mew.

Zilla: *Angered roar*

Snagglepuss: Calm down you silly billy, we’ll get these CIA members soon, right now even!

Rebel: Huh?

Void: Why would you three want to destroy us?

Mewtwo: Direct orders from our master, you see?

Outlaw: …Who might that be?

Mewtwo: You will be dead before you know the answers! Now, Zilla… destroy these whelps!

Zilla: *runs towards the CIA*

Majin: HOLY SHIT RUN OR GET RAPE!

Zilla: *Angered roar*

Majin: WE’RE FUCKED!

*The CIA soon run away from Zilla*

Void: We can’t just spend this entire time running away… we need to think of a plan!

Dark Knight: What are you talking about? A creature that big and slow couldn’t possibly keep up with us.

Metabad: …

Shadowstrike: …

Dark Knight: What?

Shadowstrike: …Um…

Metabad: …Actually… Zilla’s faster than the original Godzilla, he excels at speed.

*Metabad is soon crushed under Zilla’s foot*

Zilla: *Triumphant roar*

Rebel: NO, METABAD!

Sean: We have to defeat this creature somehow… Strike, how was this beast destroyed in the movie?

Shadowstrike: He was trapped by suspension cables and shot down by the military.

Outlaw: …Wow, really?

Rebel: …Well that’s lame.

Shadowstrike: Yeah, but the cartoon series that came after that was more true to the original.

Rebel: Well Strike, today is your lucky day… you’re going to fight that thing.

Shadowstrike: WHAT?

Rebel: *speeding off with the rest of the CIA* Good luck!

Shadowstrike: Hey, wait up!

*Shadowstrike tries to run towards the CIA but Zilla’s leg blocks his path*

Shadowstrike: …Hiiii theeere!

Zilla: *grunt*

Shadowstrike: You wouldn’t hurt a guy with glasses, would you? *Puts on glasses*

Zilla: *roars*

Shadowstrike: *glasses fly off* Aww, crap! *runs away*

Zilla: *chases after Shadowstrike*

Shadowstrike: Why are you trying to kill me? I have seven friends, kill them instead!

Zilla: *shakes head*

Shadowstrike: Then you leave me NO CHOICE! *fires a Sonic Slicer at Zilla’s head*

*It directly hits him but he is unaffected*

Shadowstrike: …Aww, crap… *continues running while firing 3 more sonic slicers at Zilla’s head*

Zilla: *fires atomic breath from his mouth*

Shadowstrike: GAH! *knocked back a ways* Oomph! That all you got?

Zilla: *grunts and begins burrowing underground*

Shadowstrike: YEAH YOU BETTER R–*he is soon cut off by the ground under him opening, revealing the giant lizard with his mouth open* OH SHI–

*Zilla soon closes his mouth, but the ostrich pries his mouth open with his feet*

Shadowstrike: Just… gotta… hold… his… mouth… open… don’t… let… him… eat… me… state… the… obvious… talk… in… long… unnecessary… pauses… like… this… *looks down and sees Zilla’s mouth glowing green* CRAP!

Zilla: ROAAAAAAR!! *launches Atomic flame breath*

Shadowstrike: *launched in the air* HOLY SHIIIIIIIIIT! *lands in Zilla’s hand*

Zilla: *holds Shadowstrike at eye level*

Shadowstrike: *is on fire* IT BUUUUUUURNS!

Zilla: *snarls and throws Shadowstrike into the ocean*

Shadowstrike: AHHHhhhhh… *splash*

Zilla: *takes a leap and dives after Shadowstrike*

Shadowstrike: MPH! *fires more Sonic Slicers*

Zilla: *swerves to avoid them*

Shadowstrike: Okay, seriously if you’re going to eat me then do it already!

Zilla: Eat you? Oh I am no barbarian; I only eat tuna but thank you very much for your generous offer kind sir.

Shadowstrike: …Did you just talk?

Zilla: …No?

Shadowstrike: You did, I clearly heard you talk!

Zilla: Well… alright, you caught me red-handed. I CAN talk, but only when I am underwater.

Shadowstrike: That doesn’t make ANY sense.

Zilla: Oh, what does make sense these days?

Shadowstrike: How are you talking so clearly under water?

Zilla: I should be asking you the same thing.

Shadowstrike: …Touch?.

Zilla: Indeed.

Shadowstrike: So why are you fighting us?

Zilla: Oh, I believe my good friend Mewtwo already told you the reason old chap.

Shadowstrike: Your leader, right?

Zilla: Mmm yes, quite.

Shadowstrike: Who is he anyways?

Zilla: Oh, we are under orders not to reveal his identity.

Shadowstrike: Come on, don’t be chicken.

Zilla: Enough with the prudent name calling, I get enough of that from that ill begotten pink mountain lion. Why I remember when I first found him in that filthy flea-ridden cavern. But alas I cannot tell you and must kill you under penalty of… well, I’m really not at liberty to say.

Shadowstrike: Alright, but just one more question.

Zilla: Make it quick now old bean, chop-chop!

Shadowstrike: Why do you sound so British when you were made… erm… I mean filmed, wait no… born in America?

Zilla: Ahh, America was once a British colony was it not?

Shadowstrike: But in the movie you were the result of a FRENCH nuclear test.

Zilla: My family migrated there when I was young. Now, I am afraid I must kill you. For you are FAR too hideous for my liking; away with you.

Shadowstrike: … *tries to frantically swim away but is blocked off by some boulders*

Zilla: Oh ho ho ho, your attempts at escaping amuse me so, but it will not work here.

Shadowstrike: *swims to the surface*

Zilla: No, not on my pocket watch–and just where do you think you are going? *reaches out for Shadowstrike and pulls him back down* I was not finished gloating you impatient buffoon! Tsk tsk, now you’ve gone and made me do this the hard way…*Whacks Shadowstrike with his tail and pins him to the ground*

Shadowstrike: *sighs in defeat*

Zilla: That’s the spirit, old chap. Now I must crush you under my foot like I did to that stag earlier, no hard feelings though. Pip-pip cheerio!

*Zilla was about to crush Shadowstrike under his foot when suddenly he felt a searing pain in his back*

Zilla: Blimey! *releases Shadowstrike* What treachery is this?

Dark Knight: *lodging his energy pincers in Zilla’s back* Get to the surface Shadow, hurry!

Shadowstrike: …*nods and swims to the surface*

Zilla: In the name of the queen… in the name of Big Ben, and in the name of my offspring, I will not let you vile cretins get away with this!

Dark Knight: *swims to the surface as well* Your numbers up, monster!

Zilla: *swimming after them* Oh please, monster is such an extreme word for me; I do not eat any humans, do I?

Shadowstrike: Actually, I’m pretty sure you did.

Zilla: Okay, maybe I DID eat one, but that was purely by accident.

Shadowstrike: Well your offspring ate a handful of humans.

Zilla: Well maybe they did, but they smelled like delicious tuna, can you really blame them?

*Soon Shadowstrike and Dark Knight get back on land*

Shadowstrike: So do you have any plans in defeating this creature?

Dark Knight: Yup.

Zilla: *leaps out of the ocean and creates a giant earthquake just by landing on the ground*

Shadowstrike: Well, if you DO have plans, now would be a good time to tell me them.

Dark Knight: No time to explain, just follow me!

Shadowstrike: Alright…

*So Dark Knight and Shadowstrike began running away from Zilla once more, up ahead there are multiple strike chains connecting between two buildings*

Shadowstrike: …So your whole plan was relying on Majin?

Dark Knight: Actually HE came up with the plan.

Shadowstrike: What? But you said–

Dark Knight: I lied.

Majin: *on top of one of the buildings* I like 2 b heplful! *burp* hay mr. crocodile, iz multiple stryke chainz liek havin sex or sumfin?

Outlaw: *on the very same building* You should know, you had sex with a ship once, remember?

Majin: O ya! *Hic* she needz 2 write moar.

Outlaw: “She” got blown up.

Majin: u got dat rite, they’re not da same wen dey r fat.

Outlaw: That’s not what I meant

Majin: den whaut did u meen o great hero of Koridai?

Outlaw: …Nevermind, let’s just pray that your plan works.

Majin: It ttly duz, I came up wiff it in 5 mins, 4 whoal minz.

Outlaw: I thought you said it was five minutes.

Majin: dats whut I sed, 3 minutes, I wuz evan sober… till I drank sum nice creamy baileys.

Dark Knight: *slips through the gaps between the Strike Chains*

Shadowstrike: *slides under the Strike Chains* This better work…

Zilla: *runs straight into the Strike Chains*

Dark Knight: GOT HIM!

Zilla: *struggling to get out*

Shadowstrike: Just like in the movie… only there were missiles exploding on him.

Rebel: *teleports in and begins throwing Magnet Mines on Zilla*

Shadowstrike: …Good enough.

Zilla: ROAAAAARR!!

Majin: Milky white…

*After a few more Magnet Mines, as well as many other attempts to get out of these Strike Chains, Zilla collapsed in defeat and shut his eyes*

Zilla: *Defeated roar*

Majin: THE BRICKS HAVE BEEN DEFEATED!

Rebel: Good job on distracting him long enough so that we could prepare, Shadow.

Shadowstrike: I was left for dead and forced to fend for myself.

Rebel: Okay, just for that… no more lines for the rest of this epilogue.

Shadowstrike: But, but, but–

Rebel: No buts.

Majin: Specilly no butts!

Mewtwo: *teleports in* I must appreciate your yearning for survival, even though it is entirely pointless.

Majin: SEY DAT 2 MIE FACE, U LIMP NOODLE!

Mewtwo: It all ends here, I shall destroy you all… *launches all of the CIA members back with his telekinesis*

Shadowstrike: *passes out*

Rebel: Yeah, you BETTER pass out, punk.

Mewtwo: You may have defeated Zilla, but the war is not over yet, now… you must face ME!

*But before Mewtwo can even charge after them he immediately passes out.*

Rebel: …

Majin: …

Outlaw: …Wow, that was anti-climactic.

Dark Knight: You said it.

Metabad: *standing behind Mewtwo with a taser in his hand* You think I’d miss this party?

Outlaw: But… dude, you were crushed.

Metabad: I got better.

Rebel: …Works for me!

Majin: Creamy beige…

Sean: *runs in* I hardly got any lines in this epilogue.

Dark Knight: Well Sean, it could–

Sean: Oh no, you are NOT finishing that sentence!

Metabad: Always be–

Sean: YOU NEITHER!

Void: *flies in* I was about to complain about the same thing, actually.

Outlaw: I think the one who got the most lines in this epilogue was Shadowstrike.

Rebel: Lucky bastard…

Shadowstrike: *still passed out*

Rebel: Yeah, you BETTER stay unconscious!

Outlaw: Well, I guess that’s it.

Rebel: Let’s go–

Snagglepuss: Enter stage left! *runs in* Heavens to murgatroyd! What happened to my buddies? Partners, even.

Rebel: Nevermind.

Sean: I forgot about you, admittedly.

Snagglepuss: *somehow picks up Zilla and Mewtwo* Well, if you’ll ex-SCUSE me, I have to rebuild my buddies into cyborgs, it’s the only logical thing to dooo~.

Void: You mean to tell me that you are the scientist of your little group?

Snagglepuss: That’s right; got a problem with that, do you want to fight about it? *looks at Majin* What about you, walking sponge?

Outlaw: Don’t tick him off.

Rebel: He’s dangerous, and stupid.

Snagglepuss: Dangerous indeed, you don’t scare me Majjy and you better not show up around my lab heeere. I’ll give you a left and a right and an about face and down you goooo, what do you say about thaaaaat Majjyyyyy?

Majin: Do u love me?

Snagglepuss: Exit, stage left! *runs away with Zilla and Mewtwo in both hands*

Rebel: Metabad, follow him.

Metabad: Si, por favor! *runs after him*

Snagglepuss: *still running*

Metabad: *still running*

Snagglepuss: *background moves to make it look like he’s running*

Metabad: *same desired results here*

Snagglepuss: *stops in his tracks and turns around*

Metabad: *also stops*

Snagglepuss: Are you following me?

Metabad: …

Snagglepuss: …

Metabad: …

Snagglepuss: …

Metabad: …Yes.

Snagglepuss: …

Metabad: …

Snagglepuss: …

Metabad: …

Snagglepuss: …

Metabad: …

Snagglepuss: That’s what I conjectured.

Metabad: …

Snagglepuss: …

Metabad: …

Snagglepuss: …

Metabad: …

Snagglepuss: *continues running*

Metabad: *continues chasing*

Snagglepuss: *runs into his laboratory*

Metabad: Oshi–*turns around* HEY GUYS, I FOUND THE LAB!

Rebel: We’re already here.

Metabad: *turns around* Oh, RAWKIN’! Now all we have to do is go into the lab.

Majin: I race u do u race me?

Metabad: YOU’RE ON PALBERT! *runs into the lab*

Majin: mie name iz nawt Willy. *runs alongside Metabad*

*As soon as the rest of the CIA members enter the lab, they see Snagglepuss, along with Mewtwo in robotic armor, as well as Zilla with cybernetic parts*

Snagglepuss: Hope ya enjoy your new upgrades, fellas… courtesy of me, on the house, even!

Cyber-Zilla: *sneezes*

Cyber-Mewtwo: You all got lucky last time, for if it were not for that sneak attack I would have unleashed my TRUE power! But now Snagglepuss has enhanced Zilla and I to perfection, and as such we will–

Rebel: Yeah, yeah, yeah typical villain monologue, just get on with it!

Snagglepuss: Oh, you’re no fun!

Cyber-Zilla: *roars*

Snagglepuss: How dare you!

Cyber-Mewtwo: Silence… now, AFTER THEM! *Points to the CIA*

*As soon as Mewtwo shouted, the trio charged straight for the CIA*

Rebel: Alright guys, I got a plan…Void, Dark Knight, Metabad, Majin, Outlaw, Shadowstrike’s passed out body, come with me and help me defeat Mewtwo.

Sean: What about me?

Rebel: You will have the honor of single-handedly taking on the giant mechanical chameleon.

Metabad: Iguana, dude.

Rebel: Whatever.

Sean: Can’t I at least have some back-up?

Rebel: *sighs* Fine. *throws Shadowstrike’s passed out body at Sean which lands with a hard THUD in front of him*

Sean: …Actually when I said that, I had someone more… conscious in mind.

Rebel: Well that’s my final offer, take it or leave it.

Outlaw: Actually, I’ll go with him…

Rebel: What, but why?

Majin: Cuz iz liek zilla vs moar reptiles btut Outraw neads 2 b biggor liek hueg 2 fite 2 fart.

Outlaw: Well, I think he would be easier to handle than Mewtwo, and besides… someone needs to look out for Sean.

Rebel: Alright, fine… the rest of you, come with me. *Speeds off towards Mewtwo*

Metabad: This fights gonna be HELL-A RAWKIN! *Accompanies Rebel*

Void: This should be an interesting fight to say in the least…*flies towards Mewtwo*

Majin: I WILL ALWAYS FITE 2 FART! *bounces towards Mewtwo*

Dark Knight: You are all WEIRDOS! *accompanies Majin*

Sean: Well, looks like it’s just you and me, Outlaw…Oh, and him. *Points to Shadowstrike*

Shadowstrike: *inexplicably has a bucket on his head*

Outlaw: How’d THAT get on him?

Sean: Hell if I know. *Throws it off*

Outlaw: So…

Cyber-Zilla: *fires missiles at Outlaw and Sean*

Outlaw: *dodging* How are we going to go up against this creature?

Sean: *takes out dragon flute* I have my ways…

Outlaw: Hey, what’s that?

Cyber-Zilla: *fires lasers from mouth*

Sean: *dodges* Well, I was hoping I wouldn’t have to show this to any of my other teammates…but since Strike is passed out…*plays flute*

*Soon the Dragonzord falls from the sky and strikes a pose*

Outlaw: The Dragonzord? Neat! Can I pilot it?

Sean: Maybe some day, but for now Shadow is the main pilot.

Outlaw: But he’s passed out right now.

Sean: …Oh yeah, I forgot already…looks like I’ll have to pilot it.

Outlaw: But what can I do?

Sean: You can…stand on top of it and throw spin wheels at Cyber-Zilla or something.

Outlaw: *shrugs* Alright, good enough…but I HAVE to pilot that thing someday!

Sean: *sighs*

*So Sean and Outlaw got into the cockpit of the Dragonzord, dragging Shadowstrike along, we now observe the rest of our heroes battling Mewtwo*

Cyber-Mewtwo: I’m going to win…

Metabad: OVER MY DEAD GRANDMA! *uses Speed Burner on Mewtwo*

Cyber-Mewtwo: *raises a defense barrier* Fool! *Performs a Counter on Metabad*

Metabad: OWWW!

Majin: oooo dat 1 hert him!

Rebel: *Teleports around the place throwing magnet mines at Mewtwo*

Cyber-Mewtwo: *raises the mines with telekinetic powers while also teleporting around the place* Two can play at that game! *Fires the mines back at Rebel*

Rebel: *caught in the explosion* Gahhh! There has got to be some way to beat this guy…

Dark Knight: *Charges at Mewtwo with Energy pincers sticking out*

Cyber-Mewtwo: I can read your mind like an open book… *eyes glow blue and DK is stopped in his tracks* You cannot win.

Void: Wait… that’s it!

Metabad: Did you think of something RAWKIN’?

Void: See, we’re thinking of our attacks while we fight him…

Rebel: So what’s your point?

Void: I was getting to that, now while strategizing is fine and dandy for combat situations, Mewtwo always remains two steps ahead of us. We need to somehow not think of our attacks before we perform them.

Rebel: Wow, Void… that might just be…

Void: …

Rebel: …The stupidest thing you’ve ever said!

Metabad: YEAH, SHAME ON YOU, MAN!

Void: I admit, I couldn’t believe I said that either, but it might just work.

Rebel: Well, we COULD do that…

Metabad: OR we could pit Mewtwo up against Majin, either way works.

Rebel: A rawkin’ idea my friend!

Metabad: YEAHHHHH! *rawks*

Rebel: *rawks*

Majin: *rakes leaves*

Void: …

Majin: Da whealz on da whale go plop and doing, plop and doing, plop and BOI-OI-OI-OING!

Void: …I think you may have something here.

Cyber-Mewtwo: Well, are we still fighting? Or did you all realize how useless it is to go against me?

Rebel: I’ll tell you what, let’s see if you can beat Majin single handedly.

Metabad: If you win under 30 minutes, we’ll give you the Whale King!

Void: Now wait just one second here, we never agreed to that…

Metabad: Don’t worry, we don’t HAVE to do it, see it’s all about tickling their buying bone.

*All of the CIA members there (besides Majin) leave the battlefield and observe the oncoming battle*

Cyber-Mewtwo: Now let me get this straight… you will actually give up that sorry excuse for a ship, if I beat an incoherent drunk who has no idea what he is doing?

Majin: Dats rite mofo cuz I just spekil like dat *hic*

Cyber-Mewtwo: Hahaha, this will be simple…

Snagglepuss: A complete joke, even.

Majin: C’MAWN LEYUTS GOOO!

Snagglepuss: Kick his butt, Twoster!

Cyber-Mewtwo: Never call me that again…

Snagglepuss: Heavens to Murgatroyd, did you get up on the wrong side of the bed or what? I’m just being supportive.

Cyber-Mewtwo: Let’s just get this over with… *faces Majin* I doubt you have what it takes to defeat me!

Majin: Da sky dies da same… da starz… da mewn…

Cyber-Mewtwo: *fires a Shadow Ball at Majin*

Majin: OMPH! *is hit in the stomach*

Cyber-Mewtwo: Please, this is pathetic… *teleports and shoots purple flames at Majin*

Majin: Oshi–*is hit* IMMA BURNIN UP REEL BAD BOIIIII!

Rebel: So much for your plan Void…

Void: Actually it was Metabad’s plan.

Rebel: Shut up, I can still blame you if I want!

Cyber-Mewtwo: *standing on top of Majin* Any last words?

Majin: BUT WATE, DERES MOAR! *latches onto Mewtwo with a Strike Chain and electrocutes him*

Cyber-Mewtwo: *armor begins short circuiting* ARGH…I should have…seen that coming…nothing a little mind reading won’t fix though. *presses fingers against head*

Majin: *turns towards Snagglepuss* HAI SNAGGLEPENIS!

Snagglepuss: Say-whaaaa? What did you call me now? Oh that’s it friend, I’ll knock you so hard through stage left, you’ll come out all the way through stage right! *raises fists*

Cyber-Mewtwo: No, Snagglepuss… this is MY fight…

Snagglepuss: Hey, I’m just trying to help, don’t need to be such a sour puss!

Cyber-Mewtwo: Now…to read your mind…*closes eyes*

Majin: lolololol dat tickels!

Cyber-Mewtwo: …That cannot be…

Snagglepuss: What’s going on? What’s going onnn, differ beggar?

Cyber-Mewtwo: I sense absolutely no thought within this being…

Snagglepuss: Oh wow, and that’s the ace in your trump, the way ya win battles, the little tricksies up your sleevies!

Cyber-Mewtwo: I know that, Snaggle–*Mewtwo is soon cut off by more lightning striking him*

Snagglepuss: Heavens to Murgatroyd, is it storming so hard, IN my lab? That doesn’t make any sense… this day is just getting odd, strange even!

Majin: *dancing* knee drop drop-pa-pop-pa-mo-bop

Rebel: Alright, Majin’s had his fun… time to kick some ass…

Metabad: SUPER AWESOME FIGHTING FORCE STYLE!

Rebel and Metabad: YEAHHHHH! *rawks*

*Soon Rebel, Metabad, Dark Knight and Void spring into action once more*

Snagglepuss: Oh me, oh my! In the words of Ackbar…it’s a trap!

Cyber-Mewtwo: What?!

Rebel: *takes out Magnet Mine* Metabad, you know what to do…*throws Magnet Mine at Mewtwo*

Metabad: Right-o! *shoots a fireball at the mine*

*The mine soon explodes in a fiery rage, directly hitting Mewtwo*

Cyber-Mewtwo: *the mine blows his armor off* NO! My armor…

Snagglepuss: I worked so hard on it, too… slaved away, even! We should all just exit stage left already, whaddya say old pal?

Mewtwo: No, I can still fight… *a Strike Chain soon tangles around him* What is the meaning of this? *is tossed into a Silk Shot, which Majin soon coats in electricity* GRAHHHH!

Dark Knight: Now for the finisher! *encases Mewtwo in a bubble*

Mewtwo: …That’s it?

Snagglepuss: That was a bit flimsy; he can still fight y’know…

Dark Knight: Heheh… but not for long! *impales Mewtwo with his energy pincers*

Mewtwo: ARRRGGGHHHH!

Snagglepuss: TWOSTER, NO! *pulls Mewtwo off of the energy pincers*

Mewtwo: GRAGGGHHH!

Snagglepuss: Oh… that looks painful, fatal even! We really should exit the stage, you’re in no condition to fight.

Mewtwo: …You… may be right… Snagglepuss…

Snagglepuss: Are you alriiiight?

Mewtwo: This is nothing a little recovery won’t fix… but I fear we must retreat… *turns towards the CIA* Code: Island Attackers… you win… for now… *presses hand up against head*

Snagglepuss: Buh-bye Codeys, don’t forget to write, exit stage teleport!

*Mewtwo and Snagglepuss are soon teleported away*

Metabad: Dude, that fight RAWKED!

Rebel: Meh, coulda been better…

Metabad: …Yeah, I agree, we could have kicked more ass to the moon while pulling it out of its orbit, I mean now that I think about it… that fight was so non-rawkin that I think I fell asleep!

Rebel: I liked that fight.

Metabad: Oh, yeah… I was on the edge of my seat that whole time, I mean that Mewtwo was one powerhouse of a villain, you know?

Rebel: Nah, that fight sucked.

Metabad: Yeah, well–

Dark Knight: *facepalm*

Metabad: WHAT IS YOUR DEAAAAAAAL MAAAAAAAAN?

Void: Metabad, don’t you see that he’s just trying to screw with your head?

Metabad: …Are you screwin’ with me?

Rebel: Yeah, I am.

Majin: DATS OUR REBEL! *laughs like a laugh track*

Void: Well, let’s go see how Outlaw, Sean, and Strike are doing. *flies off*

Rebel: Hey, I make the orders around here, BUG!

Void: But you’re a bug too…

Rebel: SILENCE! I KEEL YOU! *strangles Void*

Void: ACK–*cough* WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?!

Rebel: ASK ME WHAT MY ORDERS ARE, BITCH!

Void: EEK–*choke* WHAT ARE YOUR–*cough* ORDERS SIR? *gasps for air*

Rebel: Let’s see how the others are doing. *releases Void*

Void: Okay, was that REALLY necessary?

Rebel: Yes. *runs out of the lab*

Majin: 2 da windaow, 2 da wall! *bounces after him*

Metabad: *rawks while following Rebel*

Void: *sighs and flies off*

Dark Knight: *stumbles after the group* Damn these short legs of mine!

*The group soon sees Cyber-Zilla, with his mechanical arm torn off and a bite taken out of his chest with a Spin Wheel sticking out of his chest, lying unconscious while staying afloat above the water, before he was teleported away*

Sean: …That… was…

Outlaw: AWESOME!

Shadowstrike: *wakes up* H-huh? What did I miss?

Sean: Shadow, you missed the greatest fight the Dragonzord ever had!

Outlaw: IT WAS AMAZING, YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN IT!

Shadowstrike: Damn… sounds like I missed quite the battle… thanks a lot Mewtwo…*mumble mumble*

Outlaw: I even got to pilot it at one point, how cool is that?

Sean: Where did you learn to pilot machinery like that?

Outlaw: I read a book about piloting giant mechs… before I ate it.

Rebel: *teleports in* Sounds like you two had quite the battle.

Shadowstrike: Hey, what about me?

Rebel: What ABOUT you?

Shadowstrike: I freaking defeated him the first time for crying out loud!

Dark Knight: Yeah, but only with my help.

Majin: Und my brians *picks nose with breadstick* I m a lawyer!

Shadowstrike: *sighs* Everyone’s against me…

Rebel: Well team, it’s been… an odd day to say in the least…

Metabad: You got that straight.

Void: I propose we–

Majin: OF COURCE I’LL MARRY U!

Void: No, no, no, not THAT kind of proposal, Majin.

Majin: I do!

Void: *sighs* Let’s just go back to the Whale King already.

Rebel: Hey, WHAT DID I SAY BEFORE I STRANGLED YOU?!

Void: …That you give the orders.

Rebel: Exactly, don’t make me choke a bitch again, with that said, let’s go back on the Whale King.

Sean: Right behind you Rebel.

Metabad: You might be RIGHT behind him, but I’m RAWKIN behind him! *rawks*

Majin: I m a robutt beep boop bop bip bip lol

*So with that said the CIA went back to the Whale King, meanwhile in a far off evil fortress of doom…*

Gates: *sitting on a throne made from bloody bones that is on fire*

Mewtwo: *bowing to Bill Gates* And that is why we have failed you, my master… I am so sorry, please forgive us.

Gates: Gentlemen, I am very disappointed in you.

Mewtwo: I beg of you, please spare us, we tried our best in eliminating the CIA!

Snagglepuss: But heavens to Murgatroyd! They were tough cookies to crack, even with my technological genius!

Zilla: *Roars*

Snagglepuss: Oh you did not just call me that! You wanna fight? I’ll give you the old one-two!

Zilla: *Grumbles*

Snagglepuss: As in fisty-cuffs ya dimwit! I–

Gates: SILENCE! *slams hands down on the arms of his throne*

Snagglepuss: ULP!

Zilla: *whimpers*

Mewtwo: Won’t you give us another chance? We will not fail you next time, my leige… you have my word.

Gates: I appreciate your loyalty, but your failure is unacceptable…

Snagglepuss: Like, what are ya going to doooo~?

Gates: *smiles wickedly*

Zilla: *starts shaking all over*

Gates: *takes out a jar*

Mewtwo: …Wh-what is in there?

Snagglepuss: I don’t think I wanna knowww…

Gates: *slowly twists the jar open*

*Before the trio knew it, a swarm of mosquitoes soon went flying out of the jar, heading directly towards the three*

Snagglepuss: HEAVENS TO MURGATROYD, MOSQUITOES, INFECTED WITH MALARIA, EVEN!

Zilla: *Frightened roar*

Mewtwo: Oh damn it…

Gates: Not only poor people should experience this.

*The infected killer mosquitoes begin violently biting the trio all over their bodies, while they run around Bill’s fortress, screaming and crying in pain and agony as Bill Gates lets out a sinister and evil laugh*

Gates: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA! Oh, I’ll get you Code: Island Attackers… I’ll get you yet… *shakes fist*

The End

 

The Gates are now Open pt. 2

January 6, 2015

*Written by Metabad*

Metabad: Wolf O’Donnell is in cahoots with Bill Gates… And they are not happy. Wolf isn’t gonna let you do that, you know…

Leon: Didn’t expect to see THE GREAT LEON again, did you?

Metabad: Wolf may not let you do that, but Leon is too great for his craziness.

Pigma: I’ll get that reward yet, or my name isn’t Pigma Dengar!

Andrew: AND I’LL AVENGE MY UNCLE ANDROSS! FOR I AM ANDREW OIKONNY!

Pigma: But Andross isn’t dead.

Wolf: You moron!

Leon: I ought to skin you alive for your idiocy…

Andrew: *cries*

Rebel: This makes no sense…

Wolf: How so, Centipede?

Rebel: MY NAME IS REBEL!

Metabad: I believe what my fellow Super Awesome Fighting Force partner is TRYING to say, is that didn’t you guys like, oh, I dunno, DIE?

Leon: We got better.

Rebel: …But how?

Andrew: Some weird entity brought us back to life… randomly.

Pigma: Yeah, Andrew’s right for once.

Andrew: YAY ME!

Outlaw: Hold it here! What exactly was the name of this entity?

Leon: I believe it was called… Randomness… if I’m not mistaken.

Outlaw: AH-HA!

Dark Knight: See Void? SEE? WE TOLD YOU HE WAS REAL, BUT YOU WOULDN’T BELIEVE US!

Void: Oh come now, that’s ridiculous.

Outlaw: Is it now?

Void: As a matter of fact, it is, and I refuse to believe it.

Dark Knight: Then what do you think could have happened, hmm?

Void: Well, there has to be some sort of scientific explanation…

Rebel: Wolf did survive; I know that for a fact.

Wolf: Yeah… you left me on that planet to die…

Rebel: Aren’t I great?

Wolf: I want a rematch!

Void: Alright, I figured it out, mind you it’s just a simple theory but here it goes… *ahem* Wolf must have made a deal with the New X-Hunters for Misery to bring Wolf’s teammates back in exchange for their services towards them, but once they were brought back through Misery’s magic Star Wolf ditched them in favour of working for Bill Gates.

Rebel: …That’s ridiculous.

Void: Then how else could they have come back?

Rebel: A wizard did it.

Metabad: *shrugs* Good enough.

Sean: Works for me.

Leon: Quit your petty bickering and come face us. *draws knife*

Wolf: Yes, what Leon said, I’m growing impatient. *draws blaster*

Pigma: *draws chicken wing*

Wolf: …

Andrew: …

Leon: …

Pigma: …What? I was just eating over here…

Leon: …How your fat carcass fit in a cloak, I’ll never know…

Wolf: Good one Leon! *rawks*

Leon: Hahaha… *rawks*

Rebel and Metabad: WHAT?!

Rebel: Oh you did NOT!

Wolf: Oh, I did…

Leon: Rawking was essentially the way you defeated me, annoying stag… so I thought I would take that little gimmick of yours, and Wolf and I could create our own “rawking” duo.

Metabad: YOU RIPOFFS, WE’LL RAWK YOUR NIGHT AWAY SO HARD YOU WON’T BE ABLE TO SLEEP, BUDDY!

Leon: We’ll see about that…

Rebel: Code: Island Attackers… ATTACK!

Wolf: Not so fast!

*Suddenly Star Wolf pulled out neutralizing guns and shot at Shadowstrike, Dark Knight, Void and Outlaw specifically*

Shadowstrike: GAH, what the?

Outlaw: I can’t move!

Void: What is the meaning of this nonsense?

Dark Knight: What is this?

Wolf: Oh, those were our own personal neutralizers.

Leon: What they do is… they freeze whoever they hit for a limited amount of time.

Pigma: That’s all the time we need to get rid of you poor losers!

Andrew: It makes it much more balanced too… I mean, 8 against 4 isn’t really fair and it would only make me cry, 4 on 4 is much better and makes me very happy… because when I’m not happy, Uncle Andross is not happy, and when Uncle Andross is not happy WORLDS ARE DESTROYED!

Rebel: Well team, looks like we’ll have to give it our all against these guys.

Sean: Let’s make sure they stay dead this time.

Metabad: Yeah, defying the laws of life and death like that is NOT RAWKSOME!

Majin: I like beans. 🙂

Wolf: What are we waiting for? STAR WOLF, ATTACK!

Rebel: TO WAR!

*So Rebel, Metabad, Sean and Majin once again went up against Wolf, Leon, Pigma and Andrew, they charged at each other ready to settle the score in hand to hand combat*

*Rebel vs. Wolf*

Wolf: Come on, Centipede! I expect a good fight… FIRE WOLF! *Jumps in the air and wind gathers around him as he hurtles towards Rebel*

Rebel: *Swiftly dodges* Right back at ya, slick. *Jumps in the air, ready to strike*

Wolf: Grr… WOLF FLASH! *speeds upwards at 35 degrees, leaving a purple mist behind him and strikes Rebel*

Rebel: Gah! *knocked back a ways*

Wolf: What’s the matter, scared?

Rebel: *teleports behind Wolf* No, not at all. *Gets Wolf in a headlock*

Wolf: ARGH!

Rebel: This is the end!

Wolf: Not quite. *Rams elbow into Rebel’s ribs*

Rebel: Ow, damn! *stumbles back, releasing the hold*

Wolf: Gotten soft on me? I’m disappointed…

Rebel: On the contrary, I’m just warming up! *throws shuriken at Wolf*

Wolf: *The shuriken slightly nicks his fur* For your sake I hope you’re right… *aims blaster and fires*

Rebel: *Draws sword and deflects it, although is knocked back a little ways*

*Metabad vs. Leon*

Metabad: YOU WILL NOT LIVE TO TELL THE TALE OF THE RAWKERS!

Leon: Oh, won’t I? *swings knife wildly at Metabad*

Metabad: Gad seuks! *slightly dodges them all*

Leon: Hahaha… *camouflages and then runs behind Metabad and stabs him through the arm*

Metabad: …Oh god, OH GOD!

Leon: Hahaha…

Metabad: I JUST KNEW IT!

Leon: HAHAHA…

Metabad: I JUST KNEW THAT I WAS MADE OF KNIVES*!

*See: Series 3, Epilogue #35 “Metavania”*

Leon: …Huh? *Becomes visible once more*

Metabad: What’s that noise? *spins around like Michael Jackson* Oh, it’s you.

Michael Jackson: *slaps Metabad for stealing his moves*

Metabad: OW, BITCH!

Michael: Oh, and he’s behind you now.

Metabad: kk *spins around normally this time* Hey Leon.

Leon: Hi Stag.

Michael: Hi boys, AH-HEE-HEE-HEE!

Metabad: …Okay, that guy’s scary…

Leon: He scares even me, and I’m the one obsessed with torture here!

Metabad: Oh, you think you could pull this knife out of me, by any chance?

Leon: Oh, sure… *pulls knife out*

Metabad: YEOWCH! That smarts, but thanks man.

Leon: No problem, old chap.

Metabad: Hey, why aren’t you acting mean to me anymore?

Leon: Well, after that whole knife thing, I realized that you didn’t seem hurt by it, so I said to myself “Ahh forget it…”

Metabad: Oh, but stealing our rawking trait still wasn’t cool of you… besides you can’t just automatically rawk, you gotta be born with such a skill.

Leon: …Really?

Metabad: Yeah!

Leon: Well then perhaps we shall discuss this over a tea?

Metabad: Okay, but I’d rather drink coke.

Leon: Very well.

Metabad: You in, Michael?

Michael: Sure. *crotch grab* AH-HEE-HEE-HEE!

Leon and Metabad: WHOA, CALM DOWN!

*Metabad wins… friendship?*

*Sean vs. Pigma*

Sean: Alright you fat pig, this time I’ll be sure to defeat you for good!

Pigma: *eating chips*

Sean: What? WHY ARE YOU EATING AT A TIME LIKE THIS?

Pigma: mrrrpph–*chomp* wel–*chewed up food splatters all over Sean*

Sean: EWWWWWW YOU GOT IT ALL OVER ME! *frantically tries to wipe off all the chewed up food*

Pigma: ‘Ey that’s a good look for you.

Sean: *knocks chip bag out of Pigma’s hands*

Pigma: HEY!!! I WAS EATING THOSE! I JUST BOUGHT THEM TOO!

Sean: Meh, it could be worse.

Pigma: …

Sean: Seriously you should stop whining… there will always be more chips in the sea.

Pigma: …

Sean: …What’s with the silent act?

Pigma: …

Sean: …Wait… OH CRAP!

*And so Sean was struck by a bolt of lightning as usual, which caused Pigma to laugh his ass off, but not literally*

Pigma: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! OH MAN, YOU STUPID LITTLE SNAIL, AH HA HA HA!

Sean: Grr… *charges at Pigma*

Pigma: *still laughing*

Sean: *latches onto Pigma* PREPARE TO BE FRIED PORK!

Pigma: What the?!

Sean: Relax… IT COULD ALWAYS BE MUCH WORSE!

*This time both Sean and Pigma were fried by the lightning bolt*

Pigma: ARRRGGGGHHHH THE PAIN! *passes out*

Sean: Well that fight sucked…

Roger Ebert: It was far too short for my liking, rather predictable and uneventful, what do you think Roeper?

Richard Roeper: I too thought this fight was lacking, it was missing all of the elements that make fight scenes such as this great.

Gene Siskel: I think we can all agree that this fight scene was quite insulting to our intelligence, I for one, give this a thumbs down. *sticks thumbs down*

Ebert: Wait, aren’t you dead?

Roeper: Yeah, I guess he is… I did replace him on your show after all.

Siskel: Oh darn it, you guys figured me out! *Turns into a ghost*

Ebert and Roeper: HOLY CRAP!

Siskel: I AM THE GHOST OF SISKEL PAST!

Ebert and Roeper: AHHHHHHHHH! *runs away*

Siskel: OOOOOOO! *chases after them*

Sean: Well that was weird… where did they come from anyways?

*Meanwhile in the Microsoft Headquarters… what? I didn’t say Bill Gates was in there? WELL HE IS NOW!*

Gates: Status report on the prisoners, Master Chief?

Master Chief: Well, sir, Siskel became a ghost since he’s technically dead, and he scared off Roeper and Ebert… as for Michael Jackson, him, Leon, and some kind of strange deer are all hanging out.

Gates: Oh, why can’t my prisoners behave like normal prisoners and stay imprisoned? *sighs* Oh well… so you need anything, Chief?

Master Chief: I need a weapon…

Gates: To help me against the CIA?

Master Chief: You could say that…

Gates: Alright, here you go. *gives Master Chief a gun*

Master Chief: *takes it* Now… TO SHOOT THE SHIT OUT OF RANDOM PEOPLE AND TEABAG THEM, PWNED BITCH! PWWWWWWNED! *Runs off firing his gun like mad and laughing maniacally*

Gates: Aww jeez… that’s the third time this week!

*Majin vs. Andrew*

Andrew: Do I REALLY have to fight this guy again, seriously?

Majin: UR MY BEST FRIEND! *hugs Andrew*

Andrew: GACK!

Majin: Ooo, you make me live
You’re the best friend
That I ever had

Andrew: GET OFF OF ME! *shoves Majin off him*

Majin: Majin saaaaaaaad 😦

Andrew: He doesn’t even know what he’s doing!

Majin: X-CUSE ME? :@

Andrew: Uh-oh… I think I angered him…

Majin: Im gonna take u back 2 rome young man!

Andrew: OH CRAP! *runs*

Majin: Ya u betr run! *hic*

*Majin wins… I guess*

Majin: Loopyyyyyyyyy… *throws beer bottle in Andrew’s general direction, and it shatters on Andrew’s head*

Andrew: ACK! HELP ME UNCLE ANDROSS! AHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhh… *passes out*

Majin: I stil say he look funnie! Like cloon…

*Okay, Majin won for sure*

Majin: I 1der wat happin to all da rickrolls in da werld…

Rick Astley: We’re no strangers to love
You know the rules and so do I
A full commitments what I’m thinking of
You wouldn’t get this from any other guy

Majin: O SNAP UR HERE!

Astley: I just wanna tell you how I’m feeling
Gotta make you understand

Majin: NEVER GANNA GRAB UR SKIRT
NEVER GANNA CALL U KURT
NEVER GANNA FART TO DA MOON
SO IT EXPLODES!

Astley: …

Majin: NEVER GANNA DIE N ROT
NEVER GONNA NOT B HOTT
NEVER GONNA BE uhh o poop… I 4got…

Astley: …Way to butcher my song! *runs away*

Majin: Aww he gon… o wel… I’M A SCATMAN!

Scatman John: *comes in and slaps Majin* NO! Don’t you butcher my song too! BAD MAJIN, BAD!

Majin: WAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! *dances while crying*

*We now go back to Rebel vs. Wolf*

Wolf: Surely you can do better than this. *swings claws at Rebel’s head*

Rebel: *raises arms in a defensive stance, blocking both of Wolf’s arms* Likewise. *Strikes Wolf in the stomach, sending him flying back*

Wolf: Gahhh… grrr… *takes out blaster and fires multiple rounds*

Rebel: *evades most of the shots through teleportation*

Wolf: Hmm… *jumps in the air and performs his Fire Wolf attack, ramming right into Rebel*

Rebel: Augh! *knocked on the ground*

Wolf: Looks like WE win today, Centipede. *stomps foot down on Rebel’s chest*

Rebel: …I don’t think so! *grabs Wolf’s leg and pulls it down*

Wolf: What the heck?! *stumbles and falls over*

Rebel: *uppercuts Wolf*

Wolf: *is sent flying back* You’re good…

Rebel: *charges at Wolf, with his sword raised*

Wolf: BUT I’M BETTER! *A reflective barrier forms around him*

Rebel: …Damn…

*Rebel tries to slow down but he ends up running right into it, the barrier knocks him back while it electrocutes him*

Wolf: Hahaha! I tire of these pitiful games…

Rebel: *slowly gets up* You’re not getting the best of me.

Wolf: Let’s end this! *charges at Rebel, teeth bared and claws extended*

Rebel: I’ll end you! *charges at Wolf once more, with his sword raised*

*The two are about to strike each other when all of a sudden the Star Wolf theme is heard*

Rebel: *stops running* Huh?

Wolf: *stops running as well* That’s mine! *Takes out cell phone and answers it* Yeah?

Gates: Wolf, this is Bill Gates.

Wolf: Oh, hey Gates.

Gates: I just wanted to let you know that I finally finished repairing your Wolfen ships.

Wolf: It’s about time… *hangs up cell phone and puts it back in his pocket* Leon, let’s get out of here.

Metabad: Leaving so soon?

Leon: It appears so, goodbye. *walks up to Wolf* So our ships are finally ready?

Wolf: Yeah, we just need to get into the HQ.

Leon: Alright, then–*looks over at Pigma and Andrew* What in Lylat happened to them?

Wolf: I guess they passed out. *shrugs*

Leon: …Should we go over and help them?

Wolf: Nah, Pigma’s greed always got in the way of things…

Leon: Hmm yes, too true… and that Andrew, what a sniveling coward he is.

Wolf: Oh don’t even get me started on him! We’ll find other more competent people to recruit for Star Wolf.

Leon: Well then… let us be off.

Rebel: Hold on a minute, I’m not ending this fight here!

Wolf: It seems like the tables have turned, Centipede… because now… MY RIDE IS HERE! *Runs into the HQ accompanied by Leon*

*Rebel begins to chase after them, but the door automatically closes and locks in place as soon as Wolf and Leon enter the building*

Rebel: Damn it… I guess I’ll just have to blow this door open! *Sets up mines on the door*

Metabad: Oh man this is gonna be rawksome! *takes out popcorn*

Michael: *takes out Jesus juice* Want some?

Metabad: NOOOOOO! *slaps Michael across the face*

Michael: I’ve been hit by
I’ve been hit by
A smooth criminal!

Metabad: Damn straight! *dances*

*Suddenly two upgraded Wolfen ships break through the windows*

Wolf: Thanks for the Wolfens fool, we’ll be off now!

Gates: BLASTED TRAITORS! I promised you all a high rank in my Microsoft Empire, I upgraded your piece of junk ships and this is how you repay me?

Wolf: Sorry Gates, but we’re mercenaries… we got our payment and now we’re leaving!

Pigma: *slowly wakes up* Ugh… Hey Wolf, are our Wolfens complete?

Wolf: For Leon and I, yes. But as for you, well…

Leon: You’re fired because we don’t like you.

Wolf: Yes, Leon’s right… plus you’ve disobeyed so many of my orders… I’m fed up with your disloyalty.

Pigma: WHAT?! But you can’t do this!

Andrew: *wakes up* …Hey, Wolf… Leon, where are you guys going?

Pigma: THEY’RE LEAVING US HERE!

Andrew: THEY ARE?

Leon: So long, cowardly ape!

*Both Wolf and Leon fly off into the sky*

Andrew: WAAAAAAAAH! THEY DON’T LOVE ME ANYMORE!

Pigma: Did they ever love you in the first place? *Sighs* This sucks…

Andrew: Yeah…

Pigma: WAIT, THE CIA, I ALMOST FORGOT ABOUT THEM!

Andrew: OH SHI–

Pigma: LET’S TAKE OUR RAGE OUT ON THEM!

Andrew: YEAHHHHH! *Looks around* Uh… where’d they go?

Pigma: *Sees the blown open door to the Microsoft HQ* Oh, they’re in there already…

Andrew: Aww dang… we missed them…

Pigma: Not quite, let’s go in there and show them a two or thing!

Andrew: You a mean thing or two?

Pigma: Yeah, that’s what I just said.

Andrew: No, you said a two or thing.

Pigma: DON’T CORRECT ME YOU FECES FLINGING WUSS! *whacks Andrew upside the head*

Andrew: Owww… *cries*

Pigma: Stop crying and follow me… the sooner we get this done–

Andrew: THE SOONER I CAN FINALLY WORK DIRECTLY FOR UNCLE ANDROSS AND MAYBE GET AN AWESOME SHIP LIKE HIM!

Pigma: I was going to say get revenge on both Wolf and Leon but whatever floats your boat… now COME ON! *Storms into the HQ*

Andrew: IT’LL BE SO GREAT AND I’LL GET A GIANT SHIP THAT LOOKS LIKE MY HEAD WITH FLOATING ARMS JUST LIKE MY OLD UNCLE ANDROSS, AND–Hey Pigma, where’d you go? …Oh… the HQ… my bad… *walks into the HQ*

*Meanwhile, the CIA pressed on through the Microsoft Headquarters, and when they reached the highest floor in the building, they came face to face with Bill Gates*

Gates: Well well well, if it isn’t the Code: Island Attackers… I’ve been expecting you, would you like to hear this wonderful inspirational song that I have started? Listen… *begins playing pipe organ*

Rebel: Gates, we want some answers!

Metabad: AND WE WANT THEM NOW!

Majin: NAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Gates: *playing pipe organ* I’M SORRY, I CANNOT HEAR YOU INSOLENT CREATURES OF THE UNIVERSE OVER MY MAGNIFICENT MUSIC!

Rebel: …Metabad, would you do the honors?

Metabad: *smirks* Gladly…

*Suddenly Metabad ignites himself on fire and does the can-can dance, causing him to back up*

Gates: *still playing* what the heck is he doing?

Rebel: Oh, you’ll see…

Metabad: Can can can ya do the can-can? can ya do the can-can?

*Metabad soon trips over the chair Bill Gates is sitting on and lands on the pipe organ, setting it ablaze*

Gates: What?! WHAT?! NO! MY BEAUTIFUL PIPE ORGAN! RUINED! THIS CAN’T BE, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Metabad: I shamed… *face palm*

Gates: YOU’RE DAMN RIGHT YOU SHAMED!

Majin: HAY DAT LUK LIEK FUN!!!1 *encases body in electricity and flops over towards the pipe organ*

Gates: No, NOOO!

Majin: Goos gie vs. bad gie reed it on drunk duck dot com 2day! *flops around on the pipe organ, electrocuting it*

Gates: YOU MISERABLE MEDDLESOME MISERABLE MEDDLESOME MISERABLE MEDDLESOME CORPORATE SELLOUT! WHY I OUGHTA, GRRRRRRR!

Everyone else: …

Gates: GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RAAAAAAAAAAAAH! *throws dart at a dart board with a picture of Lilithmon’s face on it* I have calm…

Metabad: So dude, why’d you like, become evil n’ stuff?

Gates: Why did I become evil? WHY DID I BECOME EVIL?! I’LL TELL YOU WHY I BECAME EVIL! IT IS BECAUSE… *tosses cape back*

Metabad: …And where’d you get that cape?

Gates: Where did I get my cape? WHERE DID I GET MY CAPE?! I’LL TELL YOU WHERE I GOT MY CAPE! *pets cat*

Metabad: …And where’d you get that cat?

Gates: Where did I get this cat? WHERE DID I GET THIS CAT?! I’LL TELL YOU WHE–aww screw it.

Majin: I DUN WANNA SCREW NO KITTENS FANK U FERY MUTCH!

Gates: So why I became evil is quite the interesting story, for you see… *moves away from the now hazardous pipe organ* so anyways… where was I?

Metabad: You were just saying how rawksome I was.

Gates: Ahh yes… wait, NO I WASN’T, ENOUGH WITH YOUR LIES!

Metabad: M’kay, it was worth a shot.

Rebel: Just get on with your story.

Gates: So as I was saying, I have in fact noticed that Donald Trump was a reoccurring adversary for many of your adventures, CIA… and seeing as how he is a billionaire, I thought why not become a villain myself? Throw a little competition his way like what I did with the Xbox for Nintendo and Sony. I am a fellow billionaire myself, after all. Now before I decided upon this I had no clue about the whereabouts of Trump.

Rebel: I haven’t seen him in awhile either, to tell you the truth.

Gates: Yes, so… let me finish. I had no clue what he was doing until him and his little friends met up with me and we had a little discussion about these… “Chaos Emeralds” now we had a little argument and things got a little out of control… I lost my temper and sent a few robots after them… and then… and then… AND THEN…

Sean: And then…?

Gates: AND THEN THAT BITCH OF A WITCH DIGIMON PUT A CURSE ON ME WHERE I WAS THEIR OWN PERSONAL PUPPET, AND WHY? JUST TO FETCH A BLASTED EMERALD! THEY USED ME, AND FOR SUCH A MINOR PURPOSE TOO… THAT MADE ME SO MAD I COULD… I COULD… *throws even more darts at the Lilithmon dartboard* AHHHHHHHHH*

*See: Series 2, Epilogue #24 “Dissed In the Digital World” (part 4)*

Majin: CLAM DOWN SPANKOS!

Gates: It was then… that I knew what he was up to… that I knew I could upstage Trump… *twiddles fingers together* He sort of inspired me… and now I shall take over the world, and form a Microsoft EMPIRE! Where all machinery is made by me, all the profits for EVERYTHING go to me, AND EVERY HUMAN AND REPLOID IN EXISTANCE SHALL BE MY SLAVE AND DONATE MONEY TO ME, YOU CAN’T HAVE ENOUGH MONEY, CAN YOU? NYAHAHAHAHA!! *messes up hair*

Outlaw: And what were you doing with Randomness?

Rebel: And Star Wolf?

Gates: Well… Wolf flew by me with a damaged airship which I later found out was called a Wolfen, he said he tried his best to repair it while he was left on some barren planet to die… but it still wasn’t quite in Wolf’s desired condition, so I made a deal with him… I would completely repair his Wolfen if he would offer his services to me… he drove a hard bargain since he said he wished to have his teammates back. I KNOW NOTHING OF BRINGING BACK THE DEAD!

Majin: Go on note.

Gates: So I was at a loss for words… although, through complete coincidence I met up with an entity known as Randomness, I introduced the weird… thing to Wolf, and he wished for his teammates back, and they did come back, but at random times and in random places… after a long search we finally found them all and I repaired all their Wolfens.

Majin: This story am happy end, thank you 🙂

Gates: Yes… yes it does have a happy ending… BUT NOT FOR YOU!

Majin: ONOS WHAT DI I DEW IM SRRY PLEAS FORGOVE ME BOOHOO…

Outlaw: Come on man, we can work this out; we have no quarrel with you.

Gates: TOO LATE! *rips the cat’s head off*

Everyone else: GAAAAAAAASP!

Gates: Don’t worry… it wasn’t even a real cat, it was a machine… *presses button protruding from the robotic cat’s neck*

*All of a sudden a dark mechanical giant worm breaks through the wall.*

Gates: Gentlemen… I introduce you to my latest and greatest creation… THE WINDOWS WORM!

Windows Worm: ROAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRR GRAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHH *foams at the mouth*

Gates: You shall all become lunch for my creature… and how delicious you morsels shall be for it to feed on… nyeheheheh…

???: HOLD IT RIGHT THERE!

Gates: Huh?

*Pigma and Andrew both enter the room*

Pigma: WE’RE HERE TO TAKE OUR RAGE OUT ON YOU, ISLAND ATTACKERS!

Andrew: YEAH!!

Gates: …

Pigma: Speechless, aren’t you Bill?

Gates: …Oh, this is rich… much like myself… hahahaha…

Pigma: What the heck are you laughing about?

Gates: *facepalm* AHAHAHAHAHAHAA!! *Ahem* You claim you want to take your rage out on the Island Attackers… but the tables shall turn as evidently… I WISH TO TAKE MY RAGE OUT ON WOLF FOR DITCHING ME, AND YOU TWO FORMER MEMBERS WOULD BE PERFECT FOR THE PLUCKING!

Andrew: Oh no…

Gates: NOW, WINDOWS WORM, TURN THAT PIG INTO HAM, AND MAKE SHORT WORK OF THAT MONKEY!

Windows Worm: GRAAGALARGBLAGHSPLURGH! *lunges after Pigma and Andrew*

Andrew: *hugs Pigma* AHHHHHHH, SAVE ME PIGMA!

Pigma: *pushes Andrew off* GET OFF OF ME!

Andrew: Whoa, whoa… WHOA! *stumbles around and falls out of a window* AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh… *thud*

Pigma: Aww crap, now I feel bad…

Gates: Don’t worry… BECAUSE THE WINDOWS WORM SHALL MAKE YOU FEEL EVEN WORSE, NYAHAHAHA!

Windows Worm: GARHLABARGAMUGHLAGH *breathes out fire at Pigma*

Pigma: *catches on fire and runs around* ARRRRGGGGHHHH, HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME! *falls out window as well* MYYYYYYYYYY BEAUUUUTIFUUUUUUL REWAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrdddddd… *thud*

Gates: Someone remind me to retrieve that pig later… I’m feeling hungry… for some BACON!

Windows Worm: GRUGAPLUGABLERGH!

Gates: Now, Windows Worm… would you kindly do the honours of eliminating the CIA for me?

Windows Worm: GLUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHH BLAGHPABERGARUGAGACK! *lunges after the CIA*

Rebel: Well, team… we’ll just have to give it our all!

Metabad: YEAH LET’S RAWK THE CAZBAH! *Speed Burners into it, but bumps his head* Owww… at least I set it on fire though…

Windows Worm: GLRAOBLAGARGCKERCKBERG! *Not on fire*

Metabad: Oh COME ON!

Dark Knight: Maybe fire isn’t its weakness… let me give it a try… *fires Bubble Splash at Windows Worm*

Windows Worm: GRUUUUUUUGLACKAKLAATUBARADANIKTO! *Unaffected*

Dark Knight: Well that didn’t work…

Outlaw: Looks like our normal abilities won’t work… hmm… *tackles the Windows Worm and begins to wrestle with it*

Windows Worm: NAMUNAMUMALOMALO *Presses on and overpowers Outlaw, running him over*

Rebel: Grr… *throws countless kunai and shuriken at it* WHY… WON’T… THIS… THING… DIE? *throws a Magnet Mine at it*

Void: I… really don’t know… *fires a Silk Shot and then attempts to blind it with a ray of light*

Windows Worm: *all attacks on it just bounce right off* GRUHGOBUHYDROGHABLUGARGH! *Rams into all CIA members*

CIA: OOF!

Windows Worm: *Constricts them all* BUMOBUMOLAGHRUHAGHABLUGHAGH!

Gates: Yes… yes, my minion… squeeze the life out of them, EVERY LAST ONE OF THEM! NYAHAHAHA! *dances like a spaz*

Metabad: Ack… this thing… is just too… non-rawksome…

Rebel: You got… that right…

Sean: Is it just me or… is… this getting tighter and tighter?

Outlaw: Well, this might be the end… it was great fighting alongside you guys… and going on sewer hunts with you, DK.

Dark Knight: Yeah… thanks man… my thoughts… exactly… *struggles to get out but fails*

Shadowstrike: It can’t be… our time to die… not after all this…

Majin: GUYSE TWAS GREET WERKEN WIFF U BUT I IS HAS CONFESSION 2 MAEK, 1 TIME I REPLACED ALL OUR COKES WIFF PEPSIS AND BLAMED IT ON DA RAIN WHILE I WAS SINGIN IN IT!

Rebel: Oh… SO THAT… WAS YOU?!

Majin: PLESE DON MEKKE ME CRIE!

Metabad: HEATHEN, I… BEAT UP SEAN… FOR NOTHING!

Sean: And by beating up, you mean… pinned the blame on me… and muttered… my curse…

Void: *sighs*

Gates: Enough of this idle chit-chat, CONSUME THEM, WINDOWS WORM, I GROW BORED OF WATCHING THIS DISPLAY!

Windows Worm: GRAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHH *mouth opens wide and heads towards the CIA about to swallow them whole*

Rebel: Aww crap…

Metabad: *shuts eyes tightly*

Majin: DERES NO PLASE LIKE HOAM DERES NO PLACE LIKE HOEM, DERES NO FOOD LIKE HAM! DERES NO ONE LIKE HIM, DERES NO SUN LIKE DOME!

*The Windows Worm, with it’s teeth being so close to the CIA suddenly just seems to freeze in place*

Gates: Huh? What is the meaning of this!?

Windows Worm: …

Gates: Windows Worm?

Windows Worm: …

Gates: Hello?

Windows Worm: …

Gates: Are you alright?

Windows Worm: … *opens eyes to reveal two separate blue screens of death within each eye*

Gates: Oh NOT AGAIN, THAT’S THE THIRD TIME THIS WEEK!

Windows Worm: *breaks down and collapses*

Gates: NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! I THOUGHT I FINALLY HAD THAT PROBLEM FIXED!

*The CIA are freed from the tight grasp of the Windows Worm*

Metabad: RAWKSOME!

Rebel: Indeed.

Outlaw: Phew… we got lucky…

Dark Knight: You said it…

Shadowstrike: It’s over, Gates!

Rebel: Surrender now before you embarrass yourself further.

Gates: Hmm… let me think about it… no!

Sean: …Please?

Gates: NOOO! *runs off*

Rebel: …

Gates: *sits on throne*

Majin: whuttuya doin, R U PLAYIN MUSIKUL CHARS? WHEEEEEEEEEE

Gates: *presses a button on the arm of the throne* YOU’RE ALL FINISHED!

*Suddenly the throne grows mechanical arms and legs, and the throne itself becomes heavily armoured, looking like that of a mech.*

Gates: Behold, my even newer creation… THE X-MECH!

Majin: OOO, ITS CHRISTMIS? WHERE’S MAH PRESENT BICH?

Gates: No you lousy sponge, not X-mas, X-MECH!

Majin: now im reele comfoosed.

Gates: Allow me to end your confusion… *the mechs arm punches Majin*

Majin: ONOS! *is hit* owiekaboodles!

Rebel: *throws a Magnet Mine at the X-mech*

Gates: *a part of the X-mech blows apart* BLAST! Looks like it’s time for a little change of pace… X-MECH! UPGRADE NOW! TRANSFORMATION! *presses button*

*The X-mech suddenly transforms and completely repairs itself, looking even brighter than before*

Gates: Hahaha, yes… according to my calculations the upgraded X-mech 360 shall work perfectly!

Shadowstrike: Not on my watch! *Runs in circles and fires off Sonic Slicers which just bounce off of the X-mech 360*

Gates: You honestly think you can penetrate through this metal? Pitiful… *fires heat seeking missles at the CIA*

Metabad: OSHI–*is hit* NOT RAWKSOME! *falls down*

Rebel: GAH! *teleports out of the way* Phew… *is hit by another* OH COME ON! *collapses*

Void: *fires countless silk shots at it, trying to slow it down but it fails and hits him anyways* My calculations… were incorrect… *falls from the sky*

Sean: EEP! *hides in shell* …None of you mumble my curse or I’ll kill you if Gates doesn’t…

*The missle hits Sean and he goes flying*

Sean: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhh… *falls out the window*

Dark Knight: IT COULD BE–*is hit* CRAP! *is smashed into a wall*

Shadowstrike: *running really fast* OHCRAPOHCRAPOHCRAPOHCRAP *he trips over the X-mech 360’s foot* OH CRAP!!! *is hit by the missle* AIEEEEEEE!!

Majin: *was hit with the missle when it first launched* gagabablee

Outlaw: *chomps down on the missle* Hmm… needs more salt… *it explodes in his stomach* …Well what do you know? Indigestion’s kicking in… *falls down*

Gates: MUAHAHA! *X-mech 360 hovers* and now to finish you off… APOCALYPTIC DEATH LASERS CHARGING AT 25%!

*The mech grows countless guns of all kinds as they begin charging their lasers up*

Gates: 40%!!

*The light from the guns glow even brighter*

Gates: 50%!

Metabad: Hoo baby… we’re in for a ride…

Gates: 70%!

Rebel: *Gets up* No… it won’t end like this…

Gates: 90%! *puts on a tiny Virtual Boy-like device over his eyes* SAY YOUR PRAYERS, INSECTS!

Rebel: *draws sword and begins running at Bill Gates*

Gates: 100%! YOU’RE ALL DOOMED, GOODBYE!! NYEHAHEHAHHEAHHEHAAKEKEKEFUFUFUGAHA!

*Gates is about to fire his lasers when suddenly the control panel in the X-mech 360 gets the red ring of death, all lasers then shut down and the X-mech 360 falls with a loud metallic THUD on the ground*

Gates: What? NO! *smashes the control panel* NO, NO, BLAST IT, DAMN IT! BLASTED DAMNIT!

Rebel: *Slices the X-mech 360 in half, along with Gates’ Virtual Boy-like device*

Gates: GAHHHHHH NOOOOOOOO! *The X-mech explodes and sends Gates crashing into the wall* ohhhh… my heaaaad…

Rebel: *stands over Gates* this is the end, surrender now or else I’ll slice you in half.

Gates: …Heheh… you honestly think this is over? YOU THINK I’M DONE FOR?!

Rebel: Well yeah, pretty much.

Gates: DON’T MAKE ME LAUGH, HAHAHAHA! You ignorant little reploids may have won this battle, BUT YOU HAVEN’T WON THE WAR! *quickly gets up and runs away*

Rebel: Hey, get back here! *chases after Gates*

Gates: *grabs a jetpack and straps it on his back while running away* Time to make my escape with the MICRO-PACK! I am not one to give up so easily, you hear? My Microsoft Empire shall dominate the world someday, just you see! There will be other battles, Rebel… but for now, I must be off…

Rebel: YOU’RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE! *Continues the chase and throws a Magnet Mine at Bill Gates*

Gates: *catches it then throws it at a wall which blows open*

Rebel: Oh, for the love of–

Gates: Good day sirs. *activates jetpack*

Rebel: WAIT, I’M NOT THROUGH WITH YOU YET!

Gates: I SAID GOOD DAY! *flies out of the building through the blown open hole*

Rebel: Damn… he’s gradually getting away…

Gates: *turns back and waves goodbye as he flies off into the horizon* UNTIL WE MEET AGAIN ISLAND ATTACKERS!! YOU HAVEN’T SEEN THE LAST OF BILL GATES! HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH! *checks the jetpack battery meter* …NO BATTERIES? *The jetpack shuts down and he falls to the ground*

Rebel: …

Metabad: Dude, is he dead?

Gates: *slowly gets back up*

Metabad: Oh, guess not.

Majin: nvm yo yo yoey

Gates: Ugh… looks like I’ll have to escape on foot… DAMN THOSE BLASTED MALFUNCTIONING CONTRAPTIONS! *runs away*

Rebel: Well… let’s go back to the Whale King.

Metabad: Gotchya Rebbos, I’ll wake the others up.

*Later, back on the Whale King*

Outlaw: That Bill Gates was one tough cookie to crumble.

Dark Knight: I still can’t believe he nearly got the best of us.

Void: Yeah, good thing his machinery malfunctioned just before it had a chance to eliminate us.

Outlaw: Oh yeah, that was incredibly lucky.

Dark Knight: For us, anyways.

Rebel: Void…

Void: Yes?

Rebel: Good thing your face. *Drinks coke*

Metabad: OH SNAP, BUUUURRRN. *shoots fireball at Void*

Void: *dodges* Hey!

Majin: omg b0ner

Shadowstrike: Too much information, dude.

Majin: OOPSIES! *sticks head in a nearby microwave*

Rebel: Well the important thing is that we kicked his ass in the end.

Metabad: I’LL DRINK TO THAT! *takes out coke and chugs it*

Shadowstrike: So you guys think that Star Wolf is going to try and kill us someday?

Rebel: Well Wolf seems to have a grudge against me, so maybe.

Outlaw: Or maybe they’ll only try if they’re hired to kill us.

Rebel: Yeah, who knows, really?

Sean: So do you guys think the gross pig and the annoying monkey will be accepted back into Star Wolf?

Rebel: If they survived that fall, then maybe… if our friend William could survive that then those jerks probably could too.

Void: Wolf seemed rather displeased with them though.

Majin: hoo knowz dey culd get a perverted kitty cat or a panther on their team 4 dere next member.

Void: Don’t be ridiculous.

Majin: hay just throwen dat out dere ya know? Yeah? Ya know? Yeah? Ya know? Yeah? Ya know? Yeah? Ya know? Yeah? Ya-

Rebel: SHUT THE HELL UP!

Majin: Owaaaaaaaah 😥

Metabad: *stops chugging* So Rebel, what say you to rawking in the Super Awesome Fighting Forces new base of operations?

Void: I still want my lab ba–

Rebel: Sounds like a plan! *Rebel and Metabad head off*

Void: *sighs*

Outlaw: Well… ’till next time, CIA fans!

*The fourth wall completely shatters*

Rebel: DAMN IT, NARRATOR, REPAIR THAT WALL THIS INSTANT!

Narrator: *sighs* Fine…

THE END… or is it?

Majin: AHH MY TINY PPL R ATTACKING!

*…Okay, no seriously it really is…*

The End