Posts Tagged ‘day’

Hazy Day

June 7, 2015

This was a one act play I wrote a long while ago. Looking at it now I can see that I’ve improved, and that this isn’t nearly as good as some of my C:IA stuff.  I figured I would share it anyway.

Hazy Day

By: Andrew Felson

Characters:

MATT: Slacker college student. Fairly bright but very lazy. Dressed punk rocker style.

JANE: MATT’S Girlfriend. On the bossy side. Dressed “preppy.”

CHRIS: MATT’S friend. Rebellious. Dressed in the grunge style.

KYLE: MATT’S friend. Hard working and very smart. Dressed “preppy.”

  1. PARKER: Math professor. Dressed formal.

Scene: 1

The room is dimly lit as MATT walks onstage. He is walking slowly with a bit of a slump. He is headed towards something but right now it is too dark for us to see.

MATT

(Yawning) Oh man, what a night. Thought I’d never get that stupid report done.

(MATT stretches out his arms out and walks over to the bed that has now become spot-lighted as well. The bed is located at the furthest right corner of the stage.)

MATT

Time to hit the sack.

(MATT doesn’t even bother to pull the covers down. He simply flops face first on the pillow and quickly finds a comfortable position. There is a moment of silence; then very loudly an alarm clock goes off and a face of a clock is illuminated on the wall showing 7:00. MATT is jolted and tumbles to the floor.)

MATT

Damn!

(MATT runs offstage. He returns but now closer to the front of the stage.)

Scene 2

(The stage is now fully lit and we see that he is in front of a college campus. Two people standing in front of the entrance. He walks towards them.)

MATT

I can’t believe its morning already. (Calling) Chris; Kyle, what up guys?

CHRIS

Yo Matt, you running late for your algebra class?

MATT

I still have a few minutes. (Yawns) Damn, am I tired.

KYLE

What did you do? Party all night or something?

MATT

Nahh, I was finishing that English report that’s due

today.

KYLE

Finishing, or just starting?

MATT

(Chuckling) Yeah, that too. I’ve never pulled an all-nighter before. Feels really weird to not have slept. I’m so drowsy that I nearly walked into a stop sign on the way here.

(MATT rubs his eyes for a moment.)

CHRIS

Jane was looking for you. Said she would meet you in class later.

MATT

Huh? Did you just say Jane made a pass at Wally Gator?

(CHRIS and KYLE look at each other, and then start laughing.)

CHRIS

Man, you really are out of it, huh?

MATT

Whoa, that one passed right through the filter.

KYLE

The what?

MATT

The filter. You know; the thing that blocks you from saying the stuff that pops in your head? It’s what stops you from putting your foot in your mouth, most of the time anyway.

CHRIS

(To KYLE): I can’t believe you’ve never heard of that.

KYLE

I know what you’re talking about; I just call it common sense.

MATT

Common sense is a dumb phrase. If sense were really common, everyone would have some.

CHRIS

Very true. But what would we call it then?

MATT

Uncommon sense would be too unoriginal. Is there a word that means some people have it and others don’t? Like some are rich and others are poor?

KYLE

I don’t think so.  Even if there was it would get banned faster than it got made.

(MATT yawns loudly again and checks his watch.)

MATT

Damn I’m going to be late! I gotta get to class. This day can’t end soon enough.

KYLE

See you after class.

CHRIS

Later, dude.

KYLE

Think he’ll make it through the day?

CHRIS

Can the government make smart decisions?

(Both laugh as they walk offstage.)

Scene 3

(MATT enters the door and sits at his desk and puts his head down. He is just about to nod off when JANE walks in and taps him on the back.)

JANE

(Playfully) Get up, you!

MATT

(Groggily) Hmmuhhhh.. What? Oh hey, babe. What’s up?

JANE

By the looks of things, certainly not you.

MATT

Very funny. We don’t have a test or anything today, do we? I can hardly keep my eyes open, a test is something I can’t handle right now.

JANE

No test, but we‘re reviewing for one so you need to pay attention.

MATT

(Sarcastically) Great. How come you decided to take this class on the days I didn’t?

JANE

Because if we were here together, you would be thinking of me and not the class.

MATT

Good point. Why do you care so much about how I do?

JANE

Because I’m your girlfriend and I care about you, and besides what would my friends think if I was dating a loser?

(Brief pause as MATT gives her a hard look)

JANE

Of course I was joking. But I want you to succeed in life.

MATT

I’ll make due, don’t worry. The world won’t end if I can’t master the quadratic formula.
(MR. PARKER walks in.)

JANE

I’ll see you after class.

(JANE leaves.)

  1. PARKER

Good morning everyone. I trust you are ready to go over the material for your next test.

MATT

(To himself) Not really.

  1. PARKER

After this test we will begin more complex functions. I expect everyone to do well on this exam so I’m very excited to see the results.

MATT

(Sarcastically and very loud) More excited than a fat guy at a bake sale.

(MATT puts his hand over his mouth. MR. PARKER glares at him.)

  1. PARKER

(Sternly) Is there a problem Matt?

MATT

No sir! Sorry.

  1. PARKER

(Sternly) Any more outbursts like that and you can forget about that extra credit you have been bugging me for. Now then, let’s get started.

MATT

(To himself) Jerk.

(MATT puts his head down again. The stage goes dim and strange music begins to play. MATT gets up and looks around bewildered.)

MATT

What the hell?

(A line of deer wearing top hats dance onto the stage and the music gets slightly louder. MATT backs away from his desk as he watches the deer dance around.)

MATT

I’m not sure if I should be scared, or entertained.

(The deer circle around MATT while the music gets louder and louder.)

MATT

Stop! This is madness!

(The stage goes black for a minute. When it lights back up, MATT is back in his desk.)

MATT

(Shouts) Deer!

  1. PARKER

What?

(MATT looks around the room confused. The rest of the class has gone.)

MATT

Um… Sorry about that.

  1. PARKER

Are you aware that you were making strange noises? I hope you find time to study over the weekend because you are going to need it. Now get out of here!

(MATT gets up and walks out of the room, shaking his head and yawning.)

Scene 4

(JANE comes back onstage.)

JANE

So how did it go?

MATT

I’m not too sure actually. I fell asleep during class.

JANE

(Scolding): You can’t be doing that you know, Matt. What if you fail this class? I don’t want you too far behind me.

MATT

I’m not going to fail. I’ll just have to study hard this weekend. Thank God today’s Friday.

(JANE starts to shake a bit.)

JANE

We had plans this weekend remember? Fridays at Fridays.

MATT

I know, I know. I’m going to take a long nap when I get home. I’ll set my alarm for seven and pick you up a little after that.

(JANE now begins to pace while still jerking around)

JANE

Seven! Seven! Twenty-four and a third! Snake eyes!

MATT

Jane?

JANE

Jane, Jane, Aero-plain! Once had a life, now we’re the same!

(MATT begins to back up as JANE moves towards him, now with a whip in her hand, she follows his every move.)

MATT

(Alarmed) Jane, what the hell is the matter with you?

JANE

(Singing) Same, same, what a shame. Can’t do math with little brain. Jane Jane; in the lane. I’ve got you on my chain.

MATT

The same? Are you trying to tell me I’m becoming you? You aren’t making sense! And my brain’s just fine!

JANE

No need for sense, you follow what I say. When nonsense is normal, normality becomes taboo. I say, you do.

(JANE follows MATT all along the stage and whips at him a few times until he stumbles and falls over. The stage darkens. When it lights back up again, MATT is sleeping in his desk in MR. PARKER’S room.)

Scene 5

MATT

(Muttering): Say and do.

(MR. PARKER goes over and taps MATT who yells the moment he does and nearly falls out of his chair.)

  1. PARKER

Are you ok? What in the world was all that about?

(MATT looks around totally bewildered. The rest of the class is leaving.)

MATT

Did either Jane or a bunch of deer come in here?

Mr. Parker: Shouldn’t you wait until after school to get drunk?

MATT

Never mind.

(MATT gets up and goes to the door of the classroom. When he opens the door the lights go dark red and sounds of a violent thunderstorm play. He quickly shuts the door and the color goes normal and the sound stops. MATT looks confused and opens the door again, but for a shorter time and gets the same result as last time. At a faster pace he opens and closes the door and the sound and lights correspond each time. Closes the door again and then leans against it and goes into a thinker pose. He turns and opens the door, but only a crack. The stage goes slightly red and the thunder is soft. MATT closes the door; notices MR. PARKER is still in the room.)

MATT

Have you noticed anything strange going on?

  1. PARKER

Nothing is strange. Strange is everything.

MATT

I….. Don’t follow.

  1. PARKER

That’s the problem young man. You don’t follow. You don’t follow instructions, you don’t follow the norm, and you don’t follow advice.

MATT

We can’t all be followers. What is wrong with going against the norm?

  1. PARKER

Always questions from you. You should never question authority!

MATT

So you want me to blindly follow you just because of your status? I can make up my own mind and find my own way.

  1. PARKER

Robotic/monotone) Follow the leader.

MATT

What?

  1. PARKER

(Robotic/monotone) Follow the leader follow the leader…

(MR. PARKER repeats this line over and over and begins to walk along the stage. A windup key is sticking out of his back. He walks past MATT who has a dumbfounded look on his face.)

MATT

I always thought you were a tool but this is too much.

(MR. PARKER goes to the door and opens it. The stage goes dark. When it lights back up again, MATT is back sleeping in his desk. MR. PARKER sticks his head through the door.)

  1. PARKER

(Ticked off) Matt, you can wake up now, class is over.

MATT

(Groggy.) Mmmmwha? Oh, thanks Mr. Roboto.

  1. PARKER

(Still ticked) Real cute. It will be interesting to see how you do on the test Monday.

MATT

Only fascists have tests on a Monday.

Scene 6

(MR. PARKER leaves. MATT gets up and heads for the now closed door. He hesitates when he gets to it. Slowly he grabs the knob and turns. He sticks his head out of the door and looks around first then re-closes the door. He turns so we can see his face as he wipes his brow and looks relieved. He exits through the door.)

MATT

Man this is a weird day.

(He sees JANE waiting for him and jumps back. He cautiously walks over to her.)

JANE

What’s the matter with you?

MATT

You wouldn’t happen to have a whip or chain on you by any chance?

JANE

Huh? What am I, Cat-woman?

MATT

Forget it. Just a daydream.

JANE

(Scolding): You can’t be doing that you know, Matt. What if you fail this class? I don’t want you too far behind me.

(MATT steps back and looks at her funny.)

JANE

What’s wrong?

MATT

Just déjà vu. I’ll take care of it, don’t worry.

JANE

Are you at least a bit more rested now since you slept through class?

MATT

Actually I feel more tired now than when I went in there. I’m going to the vending machine and see if it has any Pop-Tarts.

JANE

That’s a nice healthy way to start the day, huh?

MATT

Breakfast of champion college students.

(MATT walks offstage stumbling here and there. CHRIS and KYLE walk on from the opposite side and meet up with JANE.)

JANE

HHey guys.

CHRIS

You seen Matt today? He’s really out of it.

JANE

Yeah I did. Serves him right.

KYLE

Bit harsh coming from his girlfriend.

JANE

I know, but he’s such a slacker it drives me crazy. I want him to do better but my plan doesn’t seem to be working as fast as I would like.

CHRIS

Plan?

JANE

My plan for changing him, of course.

KYLE

What are you talking about?

JANE

Every woman tries to shape up her man. Some like Matt need more work than others.

CHRIS

What are you trying to do, make him like your puppy?

JANE

No, not like that; his personality is what I fell in love with. It’s his habits and his attitude that need fixing.

KYLE

You can’t just fix somebody.

JANE

My mother was right, guys just don’t get it.

KYLE

Does Matt know he’s being trained?

JANE

Of course not. Most guys never realize it, and the one’s who do tend to go along with it anyway.

CHRIS

Probably because it’s too late for them to be saved.

JANE

Right, too la.. Hey that’s not it! It’s out of love.

KYLE

Wouldn’t loving him no matter what his habits are be better?

JANE

You read too much. Love is never that simple.

CHRIS

(To KYLE) Dude, there is no way I’m falling for that. Next girl who tries to change me is in for a surprise.

KYLE

Yeah, once she finds out you’re unfixable she’ll just dump you.

CHRIS

Whose side are you on anyway?

JANE

I shouldn’t have told you guys this.

(MATT comes back on stage. He is walking slower now and is slouching much more.)

JANE

There’s Matt now. If either of you say anything about what I told you, I’ll break your arms.

CHRIS

Fine, but he’ll figure it out eventually.

KYLE

Hey Matt.

(MATT walks right past everybody without noticing.)

JANE

Matt?

(The three look at each other for a minute, a bit confused.)

KYLE

(Yelling) Matt!

MATT

Huh? Oh hey guys, when did you get here?

CHRIS

Dude, you’re really creeping me out.

MATT

If I got some food it would be different.

JANE

What happened to Pop-Tarts?

MATT

In my rush to get here this morning, I forgot my wallet at home. I could see my favorite flavor in the vending machine, and they were dangling a little bit. It was almost as if they were taunting me.

KYLE

Why didn’t you just shake the thing then?

MATT

It was bolted to the ground. Plus I didn’t have the energy to try. How were your classes?

CHRIS

I was watching a squirrel run up and down a tree.

JANE

As opposed to paying attention to the instructor.

CHRIS

It was such a boring lecture. Why should we even bother to study history anyway? It’s all in the past, over and done with.

KYLE

That would make it history, alright.

CHRIS

Dude; shut up.

KYLE

(Laughing) So did the squirrel do anything else?

CHRIS

Yeah, it ran over to this guy on a bench. He had a bag of peanuts and when he wasn’t looking, the squirrel took the whole thing! I was so into watching it that when the instructor called my name I blurted out that I was watching some guy’s nuts being stolen.

(They all laugh a bit at this, even JANE who normally does not like that sort of humor.)

MATT

How bout you, Kyle?

KYLE

Nothing that entertaining happened to me but I enjoyed the lecture. We were going over cells so I was really into it.

CHRIS

How in the world can you sit through all that?

KYLE

It’s interesting. The fact that everything we see is made up of billions of tiny organisms just amazes me. The fact that there can be a whole universe within a universe is worth my time and attention.

MATT

Thanks for the info, Mr. Wizard.

KYLE

Science is my thing, what can I say?

CHRIS

Alright, brainiac, you can quit rubbing it in. We can’t all be here on scholarships.

JANE

He isn’t rubbing it in, guys. He just worked hard to get here, unlike some people I know. Chris, you haven’t even picked a major yet.

CHRIS

Why bother to pick a major when they make you take a ton of classes that won’t have anything to do with it? I may as well get all those out of the way and chose after.

MATT

That bothers me too. What’s the point in having to take two math or two science classes when you are majoring in art?

JANE

They do that so you have a more rounded education. They don’t want stupid people everywhere.

MATT

Seems like a big waste of time and money to me.

CHRIS

It’s the government’s fault.

JANE

Here we go again.

CHRIS

(Angrily) It’s true; they make up these impossible rules and regulations in order for them to get more of our money.

JANE

Oh please, you blame the government for everything. Next thing you’ll tell me is how they hide aliens from us.

(MATT sways a little bit and tilts his head back.)

CHRIS

You read that article too?

JANE

Kyle, back me up here. The government isn’t as bad as Chris is always trying to make it out.

KYLE

Well…

CHRIS

Dude, don’t take her side on this; think of the scandals we’ve seen.

KYLE

The thing is…

JANE

(Annoyed) Its no good arguing politics with you Chris, you’re far too hard headed.

CHRIS

(Annoyed) Conservative scum!

JANE

Liberal scum!

CHRIS

Republican!

JANE

Democrat!

KYLE

Communist pig!

(JANE and CHRIS stop and look at KYLE who shrugs and grins. JANE and CHRIS cool down and laugh a little.)

JANE

Maybe you should consider going into politics if you want change so bad.

CHRIS

Maybe, but then wouldn’t I be a sellout?

JANE

We are all sellouts at heart. We just all have different price tags.

KYLE

(Laughing) I think Matt is sleeping.

(They all look and sure enough MATT is out on his feet, snoring a little. JANE shakes her head.)

JANE

I just hope he learns a lesson from all this.

CHRIS

Let’s poke him and see what he does.

KYLE

I’ve never seen anyone asleep on their feet before. I always thought it was just a figure of speech or a myth or something.

(KYLE goes around MATT to inspect him while CHRIS lightly pokes MATT’S arm.)

KYLE

Don’t poke him too hard or he’ll topple over.

CHRIS

I’m not. Try it, this is really fun.

(KYLE starts poking MATT’S other arm. JANE walks up behind them both.)

CHRIS

Gonna join the fun Jane?

JANE

(Screams)

(All three boys jump and yell in surprise. MATT more so and falls backwards. KYLE and CHRIS nearly collide as well.)

CHRIS

(Angry) What the hell was that for?

JANE

Now that was funny.

KYLE

Nearly gave me a heart attack. You ok, Matt?

(KYLE helps the still shaken MATT to his feet.)

MATT

I’m good, and as soon as my pulse returns I’ll be even better.

JANE

Like I said before; serves you right for slacking off.

CHRIS

You could have at least warned Kyle and me.

JANE

Where would the fun in that be?

KYLE

It was kinda funny.

CHRIS

Stop taking her side! What are you, in love with her or something?

MATT

Don’t be ridiculous. Jane and Kyle would never go behind my back like that.

(Both JANE and KYLE look at each other then to the floor. They shuffle their feet and look uncomfortable.)

MATT

(Worried)Right, Jane? Jane? No. You didn’t?

JANE

Well…

KYLE

Um….

CHRIS

(Enraged) I knew it! It’s always a conspiracy, there’s always something going on.

JANE

It’s complicated Matt, but Kyle is a better investment than you are.

MATT

Jane, how could you! Kyle, what the hell man?!

KYLE

I’m sorry Matt, really, but Jane and I have been together for a long time. We just couldn’t come up with a good way to break it to you.

(The light starts to get red and the sound of the storm faintly begins.)

MATT

Why, Jane? What did I do to make this happen?

JANE

(Angry) Why? Why!? You wouldn’t change! You were you!

KYLE

(Angry) I’m tired of being your crutch when it comes to reason and your studies.

CHRIS

(Ranting) Traitors! That’s all they really are, no truth…

(CHRIS begins to pace in a circle flailing his arms and yelling angrily. A few of the dancing deer come onstage and dance in the background. Only MATT looks their way. The light has gone redder and the sound louder.)

MATT

This… is nuts!

KYLE

You never studied; you never worked hard to get here. Just partied and had a good time while I…

JANE

You wouldn’t become the better man I thought you could be! You never followed…

(“Windup” MR. PARKER comes back onstage. He repeats the line “follow the leader” as he walks along the stage. The light is now at its reddest and the sound the loudest. MATT holds his hands over his ears, but everyone else is unaffected.)

JANE

(Shouting) Become the man!

KYLE

(Shouting) Embrace knowledge!

CHRIS

(Shouting) Trust no one!

(Everyone onstage turns towards MATT and walks towards him while pointing. MATT backs away.)

MATT

No; stay back. I’m happy with what and who I turned out to be. Leave me alone!

(MATT falls down near the back of the stage. The stage goes pitch black but the sound stays for a minute before turning into the sound of the alarm. The face of the clock reads 7:00. The stage lights back up and everyone except MATT is gone. He looks around.)

MATT

(Panting) Whew; Just a dream. Chris and Kyle will get a kick out of it for sure. Jane will be ticked if I forget about our plans tonight. I’d better hurry up or I’ll be late.

(MATT gets up and gathers his things. He heads for the exit but stops short.)

MATT

Wait a minute. Who the hell are they?

Curtain close.

Andrew Felson

Mankind89032@aol.com

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