Posts Tagged ‘Rebel4000’

Gonna Rest My Bones

February 24, 2015

By Rebel40000

*It was a hot, sunny day at an old, dusty town known as Sangria. It was essentially a “living ghost town”, the remains of the old wild west, surrounded by the vast technology that the rest of the world had flourished in. As the few locals that still lived in the town continued with their overly simple lifestyles, a certain visitor had just arrived…*

Rebel: *wearing a tattered cloak for protection* Damn desert, blowing sand all over the place. I swear I keep thinking that Flannery chick’ll pop out at any moment screaming “SAND FOR EVERYONE” or something stupid… *sees a man* Hey, ‘scuse me!

Man: *looking down sweeping a porch* What’cha wantin’, youngster?

Rebel: I really need a damn drink. Can you tell me where to go?

Man: Ya mean the pub? Well, let me see… *looks up at Rebel* OH GOD, DON’T HURT ME!! *runs inside*

Rebel: …Right. Moving on, then. *sees a woman* Hey you, can ya help a guy out here?

Woman: EEK!! *flees*

Rebel: Man, what a buncha weirdos. I’LL JUST FIND IT MYSELF, THEN!! *storms off*

*Elsewhere, on a cliff overlooking the town… We see two figures standing, looking down at the place, watching intently. The one in the front was a large Reploid, donned in red armor. The way it was constructed gave him the appearance of a knight.*

???: So, this is location that thou mentioned?

Cyphos: *standing further back* Yes, that is indeed the place! A lovely town, is it not? It’s a shame they refuse to do business with my store!

???: This place is even older than myself.

Cyphos: Well, that shouldn’t be any surprise since you are a Reploid, after all! I doubt you were made back in the 19th century! *laughs*

???: *turns to face Cyphos* Listen well, creten, for I shall make verily aware that thou understandest my true strength!

Cyphos: *rubbing hands together* Hahah, yes, sorry about that, old bean. Anyway, should we not be getting onto business?

???: There is no business to discuss with thee.

Cyphos: Oh, come now! Don’t be that way! *serious* There’s plenty to talk about.

???: Such as… what?

Cyphos: Like your mission, of course!

???: Hmph. Receiving my mission from such a lowly individual… one who wastes time with monkeys!

Cyphos: Hey, let’s not get all apprehensive, now! Although it was a bit of a mess having to release all of those monkeys onto that ship, the end result of gaining their trust was well worth it. *serious* The information it provided was extremely valuable. *smiling* So with this, we can continue with the next part of the plan!

???: Which is thus the assignment that thou art giving?

Cyphos: *raises arms* Precisely! See, the CIA’s former leader, Mr. Rebel40000, is located in that town.

???: Rebel…?

Cyphos: Yes… you may recognize him more by the name of “Magna Centipede”, however!

???: …

Cyphos: Anyway, he isn’t who we are looking for, since we know through a simple process of elimination, that of all the people, the chances of both him and Outlaw being the one is… zilch. But! And this is a big but–there is a good chance he may know something, and if he doesn’t, who cares! Which is where you come in, good friend.

???: So, thou hast decided to use me… for such perposterious plans!

Cyphos: Say what you will, but isn’t this what you’ve been waiting for for all this time? I really doubt you are in any situation to be complaining!

???: True…

Cyphos: So…?

???: …Fine, it shalt be done. By the time I am finished, “Rebel” shalt learn to fear thy name of Charlemagne!

Cyphos: Glad to hear it! *serious* Just remember, don’t kill him… yet. *grows a silly grin* Capture him, and then let me do the talking! There’s a number of things I want to confirm with him. After that, you can do whaaaateeeeveerrr you want!

Charlemagne: *eyeing Cyphos warily* Thou art certainly a strange, little man. *turns away* Thou makest clear, I find thou art a thorn in thy side. The Cult of Mechalcanos ill needs a fledgling such as yourself, who does not yet know his place!

Cyphos: Well, I’m sorry you feel that way, Mr. Charlemagne, but please… have some coupons! *hands out a book*

Charlemagne: *starts walking away* I do not go shopping.

Cyphos: *yelling* Well, be sure to always keep us in mind! And remember, no killing~!

Charlemagne: …

*Back in town, at the local bar…*

Rebel: *walks in tiredly*

Everyone: *stops what they are doing and stares*

Rebel: *ignores them and sits down at the counter*

Bartender: *cleaning a glass* What’ll it be, pal?

Rebel: Gimme a glass of Coke. On the rocks.

Bartender: A glass of… what?

Rebel: Coke. On the rocks.

Bartender: …Right away. *pulls out a random bottle from the shelf and begins to shake it*

Rebel: Say, is it just me, or is everyone around here acting really weird?

Bartender: Neeh, what makes ya say that? *drops some ice into a glass*

Rebel: Well, first asking around for directions was a pain in the ass, because everyone was acting all scared whenever I talked to them. And now I feel like I’m about to have a bunch of holes burned into the back of my head if they keep staring at me.

Bartender: Must be your imagination, pal. *pours the drink and serves it* There ya go, one cold glass of “Coke”, on the rocks.

Rebel: *grabs the glass* Thanks. *takes a swig* …Man, you guys sure do have funny tastin’ Coca-Cola. *shrugs and goes back to drinking*

Big Guy: *walks up next to Rebel* You a Reploid?

Rebel: *stops drinking* No, I’m just a guy who looks like a giant purple centipede with a tail. WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE!?

Big Guy: We don’t very much LIKE Reploids, comin’ to our town, startin’ trouble.

Rebel: *goes back to drinking*

Big Guy: Reploids are a buncha no-good troublemakers, so why don’tcha do us all a favor n’ git?

Man #1: Yeah, you tell him!

Rebel: *still drinking*

Big Guy: Well? Are ya listenin’ to me!?

Rebel: *finishes his glass and slams it down* Hey barkeep! Hook me up with another.

Bartender: Of course. *starts to pour another drink*

Big Guy: All right, that’s it! *grabs Rebel by the throat and lifts him up* You think yer gonna just ignore me like that!? You got another thing comin’!

*The man pulls his free arm back, getting ready to pulverize Rebel! Before he manages to hit him, Rebel suddenly vanishes from his grasp, causing the man to lunge out too far. During this, Rebel appears behind him and kicks him in the back, causing him to go flying out of the bar!*

Rebel: Yeah, what now, huh!?

Man #2: GET HIM!!

Rebel: Wait, what–*gets hit upside the head with a chair*

*The rest of the people in the bar, minus the bartender, suddenly spring into action, pouncing on Rebel as he recovers from the blow to the head.*

Rebel: *dodging the attacks* Man, you guys don’t KNOW what you are dealing with! *leg sweeps two of them*

Man: You ain’t gettin’ away with this! *pulls out a gun*

Rebel: *pulls out a beam saber and slices the gun into pieces*

Everyone: *gasp*

Rebel: What? You guys have never seen one of these before or something?

Man #1: It’s the work of the devil!

Man #3: I always knew Reploids were the work of Satan!

Man #4: LET’S GET OUTTA HERE!!

*The group of people quickly run away, minus the unconscious ones, Rebel, and the bartender.*

Rebel: …Well, whatever. *puts away the beam saber*

Bartender: *hands Rebel another drink* Here pal, this one’s on the house.

Rebel: Gee, thanks. *drinks* So now do you have some sorta explanation for all that?

Bartender: Neeh, probably has something to do with the fact that this is an extremely old town that doesn’t rely on the advanced technology of the outside world, and since you ARE advanced technology from the outside world, the rest of the citizens immediately find you to be a threat and want you to either leave or be done away with.

Rebel: I… see…

Bartender: Or they just hate your guts.

Rebel: Piss off. *drinks some more* MAN, this stuff is crazy awesome. It’s almost… rawksome… in a Majin-ish sorta way. Can I have another?

Bartender: Sure thing, pal. *pours another drink*

Rebel: Rawksomely awesome rawksome! *chugs it down and slams it* Whoaaa… suddenly da sky iz broon an mah teckst b flipin lol yoooo *passes out*

Bartender: Yessir, that’s how it always happens. And now to do my good deed for the day…

*A few hours later…*

Rebel: *wakes up* Uggh… where the heck am I? Huh? *sees he’s in a cell* What’s going on here!?

Sheriff: Ah, so yer awake, are ya?

Rebel: Are you the sheriff or something? Why am I in here!?

Sheriff: Well, after yer li’l stunt with some of the locals, and then getting yerself wasted, the barkeep felt it’d be best to have ya spend some time in here. So here ya are.

Rebel: …

Sheriff: By the way, only four glasses? Lightweight.

Rebel: WHY YOU–*grabs the bars and pulls on them*

Sheriff: Looks like someone needs to calm down a bit more. I think I’ll leave ya here the rest of the day.

Rebel: WHAT!?

Sheriff: ‘Sides, it’s gettin’ late. Consider it courtesy of the town of Sangria n’ all that. Oh, and don’t think that yer little powers will work in there, too. Unlike the rest of the town, the insides of the cells are outfitted with the latest equipment… just in case. *leaves*

Rebel: Hey, get back here and let me out! You can’t do this to me! Damn it…

*Realizing his stay was going to be longer than he had hoped, Rebel quickly walks over to the cheap-looking bed in his cell and lays down, staring at the ceiling while contemplating.*

Rebel: *thinking*It’s been… how long now since the team broke up? It feels like it’s been forever. *closes eyes* Man, I really was an idiot… After being thrown out of the Whale King, with everyone just up and leaving like that… all I’ve been able to do is just wander around with no destination… The drifter life sure ain’t easy… I just wonder… what the others… are doing right now…

*It does not take too long for Rebel to quickly fall asleep. During this he begins to have a strange dream…*

Rebel: *looking around* Huh? Where am I? And what’s up with my appearance? It’s so… old. Wait… is this my team’s… old base?

*Indeed, Rebel was back in his old base, which was situated on the island near Megalopolis.*

Rebel: Man, I thought Anti destroyed this place with the rest of his cronies*! What’s it doing back?

*See Series 2, Epilogue #19 “Dark Time”*

???: Rebel…

Rebel: Huh!? Who’s there?

???: Rebel… come here…

*Rebel follows the source of the noise, taking him through the various levels of the base… until he reaches the very top.*

Rebel: *eyes wide* Y-you guys are….

Ghaleon: Hey there, Reb.

PBX: Long time no see!

Deathtuna: *yawn* Hey there and stuffs…

GDT: Hi.

Rebel: Ghaleon, PBX, Deathtuna, and GDT? What are you all doing here!?

Ghaleon: Well, we’re basically here in this dream world to help you cope with the death of Void a bit better.

Deathtuna: So no team break-ups’ll start… Zzzzz…

Rebel: …But that already happened.

Ghaleon: Well, fuck.

GDT: Who the Hell cares, you’re gonna get the talk anyway!

PBX: I like talks! Especially when they’re about talks. Talking about talks always talks a lot of talks out of me. Yay!

Rebel: And now my brain just exploded. Man, did that sheriff guy really say that four drinks made me a lightweight?

Ghaleon: Okay guys, enough of that. Let’s get down to business.

Rebel: Wait, question.

Ghaleon: Yes?

Rebel: Why isn’t Ti-An here?

PBX: This is for the guys who were killed-only!

Rebel: When the Hell was GDT killed?

GDT: You left me at Michael Jackson’s house*! That was far worse than death, asshole!

*See Series 2, Epilogue #13 “Trump’s Purchase”*

Rebel: Whatever. But if this is about dead people, then why isn’t Void here? Y’know, he’s kinda the reason why I’ve been having mental breakdowns.

Ghaleon: Well, you’d probably beat the daylights out of him the moment you saw him.

Rebel: True.

Deathtuna: Zzzz… he also thinks your… super gay…

Rebel: DAMN YOU, VOID!!

GDT: So anyway, we hope this talk is helping you out.

Rebel: How is this helping!? I’m getting insulted in my own dreams, and now instead of missing Void and the rest of you guys, I just want to kill you all! But now I’m incredibly frustrated that I can’t because all of you ARE ALREADY DEAD!! Except for you, GDT. You’re just a prick.

GDT: *grumbles* Iron fist…

Rebel: What was that?

GDT: Yeah, hope the talk is helping.

Ghaleon: Anyway, Rebel, you have to learn to let the past go. It’s what lead the team to break apart.

PBX: Yeah, there’s nothing to say “yay” about that! Just a nay! Nay!

Rebel: So what do you suggest I do?

Ghaleon: Go find a replacement for Void. Just like how you replaced all of us by people who are far better and more memorable.

Deathtuna: I dunno… I always thought *yawn* that I was kinda cool…

PBX: And I’m a loveable huggable crab! Yay for crabs! Nay for the non-crabs!

GDT: My replacement’s nickname is “GDT MKII”.

Ghaleon: Okay, fine. Only my replacement is better and far more interesting than I could ever hope to be. Are you guys happy now?

Rebel, PBX, Deathtuna, GDT: No.

Ghaleon: Well, fuck again. Oh well. Just go find a replacement for Void already!

Rebel: But who the heck would seriously wanna be a moth?

*Elsewhere…*

Avi: *drawing on cop’s face* And now, you shall be known as “Mr. Freckles”! Witness as the diagonal lines creates the illusions of millions of freckles!

Majin: I’m not drunk for once… because I have a feeling that someone stole my originality somewhere in this epilogue.

Avi: *paints on Majin* Oh, be quiet sonny, and go drink your bah-bah while I turn your drab self into the wonderful “Radioactive Mushrooms”! It’ll be my magnum opus!

*Back to the dream…*

Rebel: *shakes head* Whoa… that sudden change in location was really weird. I don’t think I’ll ever drink another Coke again.

GDT: You know that wasn’t Coke, right?

Rebel: In that case I’ll keep drinking Coke ’till the day I die!

GDT: *facepalms* So to not make it feel like this entire sequence was a complete waste of time, can we just go already?

Ghaleon: *nods* Yeah.

Deathtuna: *salivating* It was fun… Reb… Zzz…

PBX: *jumps on Tuna’s back* Yeah, we should do this more often! Cameos for the win!

GDT: I just want to actually be the leader of something for once.

Rebel: You guys… I really don’t know what to say…

Ghaleon: Just say what comes from your heart.

Rebel: My heart? Well, all right… YOU’RE ALL A BUNCH OF IDIOTS!!

Ghaleon, PBX, Deathtuna, GDT: Huh?

Rebel: Did you guys not even pay attention to the dang prologue!? I didn’t want a new member because he would precisely be a replacement! And now you guys are telling me to go find another!?

Ghaleon: Oooh, yeah. We forgot about that.

Deathtuna: As usual…

GDT: I don’t get why this is suddenly a problem.

PBX: Yeah, me neither!

Rebel: ‘Cause… it feels wrong to just replace people like that. I didn’t have time to think about it much back then, since Ti-An and GDT never did die–

GDT: *dirty glare*

Rebel SHUT YOUR FACE!! Anyway, after that, when all that stuff with Anti took place, so much happened consecutively that it gave me zero time to think. This didn’t happen with Void, though. I’ve been given plenty of time to think about it.

Ghaleon: Well, crap, what can we say to that?

Deathtuna: *rubbing eye* I got one… how about uhhh…

PBX: NOOOOOOOO!!

Deathtuna: Yeah… that’s it… Zzz…

GDT: Look, Rebel, I know I was never your biggest fan, but let me try to give some “advice”. A team is a big responsibility. And it’s with that responsibility that you, as leader, need to always stand strong and do what is best for the team and how it contributes to the goal.

Rebel: …

GDT: You know what you gotta do, so just get out there and do it!

Rebel: …I’ll think about it.

Ghaleon: If that’s the case, then our work here is done. This dream will be ending soon…

Deathtuna: *yawns* The end of a dream always means more sleep for me… Yeah…

Rebel: Thanks for everything guys. I’ll always remember you all!

PBX: Yay for character development!

Rebel: …On second thought, no. I won’t remember any of you. *disappears*

PBX: …Yay!

GDT: Yep, complete waste of time.

Deathtuna: *snoring loudly*

Ghaleon: Sigh… the rest is up to you, Rebel…

*With a jolt, Rebel suddenly wakes up, lifting himself out the bed. Wide-eyed and alert, he quickly gets up and grabs the bars to his jail cell, his face close.*

Rebel: Sheriff? Sheriff! You there!?

Sheriff: *walks in* What’cha wantin’, boy? I’m ’bout ready to round everythin’ up ‘fore catchin’ some Z’s.

Rebel: Which is worse, failing or never trying?

Sheriff: *squints eyes* …’Scuse me?

Rebel: If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do?

Sheriff: What?

Rebel: To what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken?

Sheriff: What’re you talkin’ ’bout!?

Rebel: Would you break the law to save a loved one?

Sheriff: …

Rebel: Do you push the elevator button more than once? Do you really believe it makes the elevator faster?

Sheriff: Now yer just talkin’ nonsense, son.

Rebel: Sorry. I was trying to sound “deep”.

Sheriff: Riiiiight. Well, I’m headin’ out now. It’s gettin’ pretty late. Have fun. *starts to walk away*

Rebel: Wait! Sheriff! Please let me out! I have to get out!

*Despite his cries, the sheriff still walks out, leaving Rebel all alone once and for all. The night already set, all he finds himself being able to do is just sit and contemplate. The next half hour has him sitting in silence.*

Rebel: …Man, already took a nap, so I’m wide awake… Damn it! Is there nothing I can do? And that dream I had… it’s fuzzy but… I feel like I need to make a decision, and fast…

*At that moment, without warning, the wall next to Rebel’s cell suddenly explodes into a flurry of debris, with a well-sized hole being made into it. Immediately Rebel moves out of the way as a large mace goes flying his way, crashing into the floor behind him.*

Rebel: *slowly getting back up* What… what the Hell!?

*The mace then slowly starts to retract, toward a Reploid donned in red armor.*

Charlemagne: *has shield lifted* Centipede! My name is Charlemagne, and I have come to do battle! Enguarde! *swings mace again*

Rebel: You’ve gotta be kidding me–*gets hit and goes flying through the wall*–Augh!!

Charlemagne: *retracts mace* Die!

Rebel: Don’t think so! *teleports behind a building*

Charlemagne: Hmm… thou thinkest he is clever… But I know where thee is! *swings mace*

Rebel: *mace flies over head, dropping pieces of rubble on him* CRAP!! *runs*

Charlemagne: Only a coward flees from battle! *chases*

*The chase is short-lived. Due to the sudden destruction of the town, the people were to quick to awaken and break into a panic, quickly spotting Rebel.*

Woman: That’s the monster that was thrown in jail!

Rebel: *stops* Oh, you’ve gotta be kidding me…

Man: Get ‘im!

Rebel: *trying to pry them off* There’s no time for this! Some psycho is chasing after me and–

Charlemagne: CENTIPEEEEEDE!! *throws mace*

Rebel: –MOVE!! *shoves the people out of the way and gets hit*

People: AAAAHHH!! *flees*

Charlemagne: Protecting the innocent… quite the noble cause, for one such as thyself, Centipede.

Rebel: *on the ground* How… how do you know me?

Charlemagne: Thou dost not remember me?

Rebel: Not really…

Charlemagne: Hmph, ’tis a shame. I will suppose thou diest before realization, then! *swings mace again*

Rebel: …Now! *jumps over the mace and throws a couple Magnet Mines*

Charlemagne: *raises shield but gets hit by one* Urrgh… *flips mace up*

Rebel: *gets hit from behind* Gaah!! *falls down*

Charlemagne: *picks Rebel up by the throat* How long have I awaited this day…? The day to finally exact revenge! Thou dost remember yet, Centipede!?

Rebel: I’m telling you… I don’t… remember…!

Charlemagne: Then let me educate thee! *throws Rebel forward and belts him with mace*

Rebel: AAAGGGHHH!! *crashes into a building*

Charlemagne: Such a pitiful performance… I expected better, Centipede.

*Talking to himself, Charlemagne slowly walks toward the rubble where Rebel laid. Upon reaching his destination, however, he could find no trace of the elusive Reploid.*

Charlemagne: …? Where did he–

Rebel: Lookin’ for something!? *appears behind Charlemagne and stabs him with tail*

Charlemagne: !?

Rebel: I don’t usually use this technique, but I’m going to give you a nice little virus ’cause you’re pissing me off!

Charlemagne: NEVER!! *struggles and grabs Rebel’s tail, yanking it off*

Rebel: What the–

Charlemagne: And with this–*rips the tail off*

Rebel: GAAAHHH!! MY TAIL!!

Charlemagne: *throws it on the ground* What else does thee intend to do?

Rebel: I… plan… to do THIS!!

Charlemagne: To do what–*gets clobbered upside the head*

Rebel: *tail segments reattach* And now for my cunning counter attack! *starts throwing Magnet Mines*

Charlemagne: CURSES!! *gets blown back*

Rebel: Yeah! Take that, Macbeth!

Charlemagne: *rises, covered in scratches* My name is… CHARLEMAGNE!! *swings mace*

Rebel: You’re still fighting!? *dodges behind a building*

Charlemagne: Remember Centipede… nowhere is safe! *attacks the building, bringing it down*

*Despite the destruction, Rebel conveniently managed to disappear again.*

Charlemagne: Drat, to believe he could become so slippery… Centipede! Thou cannot hide forever…

*Elsewhere…*

Rebel: *watching Charlemagne from a distance* Whew… Talk about close. That guy is way too strong. If only I had some help… bah! There’s no time for that kind of thinking. Got to come up with a way… and make it happen…

*Back with Charlemagne…*

Charlemagne: *bringing down another building* Pardon my methods dear citizens, but this is the consequence for the guilty whom runs!

*With another swing of his mace, Charlemagne tears through the next building, turning it into a pile of rubble. Bringing the mace back to his side, he scans the horizon, before eyeing a two-story building located near the edge of town.*

Charlemagne: *starts to slowly swing mace while walking forward* Thou shalt be my next target… *throws mace*

*The mace flies into the second floor, causing it to collapse, with the rest of the structure wobbling slightly.*

Charlemagne: Tch, I could have sworn that thou liest therein… *pulls mace back but fails* Hm? What is this treachery!? *pulls even harder* Is my mace caught!?

???: Now!

*There is a “woosh” sound as the chain finally gives, causing Charlemagne to go flying backward, with only the chain in hand.*

Charlemagne: *covered in dirt* Urgh… who dares defile the weapon of Charlemagne!? *gets slowly back up*

Rebel: *emerges from the building, swinging the mace* That would be me! *throws the mace*

Charlemagne: *catches the mace* Thou usest my weapon against me!? Thou shalt pay!

Rebel: Not this time, buddy!

*Landing on the ground on both feet, Rebel quickly draws his beam saber, charging toward Charlemagne who was still holding the mace ball in both hands. With one swift stroke, he attacked at the knight’s legs, causing circuits and wires to fly from his knees*

Charlemagne: AAGH!! *drops the mace and crashes to the ground*

Rebel: *points saber* Surrender now, or else!

Charlemagne: S-surrender? Thou art a fool… I shan’t ever surrender to thee! Not after what thou hast done!

Rebel: Okay, just shut up about this! Who are you, and what the Hell are you talking about!?

Charlemagne: …Thou dost not remember, truly? Thy terrible sins thou hast committed!? Then I shall make thee remember! Remember the betrayal, the pain, the DEATH!!

*Suddenly, despite his body having been badly wounded, Charlemagne forced himself to stand on his feet, sparks flying everywhere. Pulling out his shield, he drew a beam saber from his hilt, and charged at Rebel!*

Rebel: What the!? *dodges* How can you still move after all that!?

Charlemagne: I live for the battlefield! Thou shalt fall to the wake of my vengeance! Now come! Face me like a true warrior should! *charges once more*

Rebel: If “thou” insist… *gets in position* Then get ready for some of THIS!! *charges*

*The two fighters clash into each other, their beam sabers striking against one another, causing sparks to fly. The two were placed in a momentary stand still!*

Charlemagne: *not relinquishing* Centipede!

Rebel: *struggling to keep ground* What!?

Charlemagne: It was many years ago… Back during the early days of Sigma’s rebellion with the Maverick Hunters, and the people of this world!

Rebel: !?

Charlemagne: We were both soldiers; knights of the Maverick Hunters. Though part of two different units, thou belongest to the Special 0 Unit, and myself in the 8th Armored Division, thy commanders decreed we ally ourselves with one another at one point in time…

Rebel: Say… say what!?

Charlemagne: ‘Tis but the truth, Centipede! We, along with several others from different units, were sent to a small island shortly after Sigma’s first defeat to the noble X. Yet… Thou betrayest us! Thou slaughterest all, bathed in our own blood! Thou hadst gone Maverick, which is why I shan’t ever forgive thee!

Rebel: *starting to get pushed back* Ch-Charlemagne! That was a long time ago!

Charlemagne: *becoming enraged* Obviously, for thou hast forgotten! So tell me, Centipede: Thou dost remember now!?

Rebel: …No.

Charlemagne: What did thou speakest!?

Rebel: I don’t remember, nor do I care to! The past is dead, and there’s no going back to it! So why don’t you just go back to the grave from where you came from!?

Charlemagne: FOOL!!

*With a new explosion of strength, Charlemagne manages to completely overcome Rebel, knocking his beam saber out of his hands and ramming right into him. He then proceeds to grab Rebel and starts plowing him into various rubble, until they burst inside of a large, storage shed, filled with various supplies such as rope, building materials, and oil.*

Charlemagne: *lifting Rebel up by the throat* Thou knowest nothing! But I shall assist thee by more education.

Rebel: *getting shaken horribly* G-gaaah…

Charlemagne: *slams Rebel to the ground*

Rebel: GRAAHH!!

Charlemagne: *points beam saber* Time passes, ever so slowly… While thou hast forgotten thy terrible deeds, I have not. By fate, a new master appearest before me and breathed me new life. From that day, my allegiance is to only Mechalcanos.

Rebel: Wh-who…?

Charlemagne: Ah, yes, I have been reminded… Though it would bring great pleasure thou killest, I must preserve thee for… questions. Therefore, I suggest thou dost not move.

Rebel: You… bastard! *tries to get up*

Charlemagne: *grabs Rebel by the arm* Allow me to assist thee. *rips Rebel’s arm off*

Rebel: AAAAAAGGGHHH!! *falls back down, screaming*

Charlemagne: *clenching the arm in his hand* Now, mayhaps will thou learnest his place, finally…?

Rebel: *holding his wound* How about… you go back to Hell!?

Charlemagne: I beg thee pardon? *suddenly gets hit by a blast to the side* OUGH!!

Rebel: *rises back to his feet* Yeah… fell for that hook, line, and sinker!

Charlemagne: *also getting up* What… what has thou donest…?

Rebel: While you were busy ripping my arm off, you failed to notice the little surprise that was in its hand!

Charlemagne: A mine…? *looks down at his own arm, which is in shambles* Allowing one’s own limb as a sacrifice to defeat thy opponent… thou art truly something else, Centipede!

Rebel: Better be careful, it sounds like you are starting to like me.

Charlemagne: Hmph… this is far from over! Thou hast become fatigued, while I continue to thirst for battle! Enguarde!

*Beam saber in hand, Charlemagne begins his assault once more, striking at Rebel at every chance, now with the absolute intent to kill. Rebel on the other, plays defensively by dodging, but he still ends up taking small nicks as his energy is slowly wasted.*

Rebel: *feels the saber brush against him* (Grah, this isn’t good! He doesn’t seem to be slowing down… how can this be!?)

Charlemagne: *not letting up* What is wrong, Centipede!? Has thou comest to finally realize that this is a losing battle for thee!?

Rebel: (Gotta make a new move…!) *throws a couple of mines* Take that!

Charlemagne: *knocks the mines out of the way* Is that all!? *swings beam saber fiercely*

Rebel: *gets hit in the side* DAMN IT!! *hits the ground but manages to bounce back up*

Charlemagne: Resilient, aren’t thee!? Just like the insect thou art designed!

Rebel: *holding side* A-actually, to clear up this misonception, centipedes aren’t actual insects, although we are both a part of the arthro–*dodges another blow*–POOOODS!! *throws more mines*

Charlemagne: *deflects them as well* Enough of thy pitiful games! It is time to end this!

Rebel: N-no way, man! You’re crazy! *throws more mines*

Charlemagne: *watches as they fly by him* …

Rebel: Um, uhh…

Charlemagne: THOU AIMEST POORLY!! *raises boot and hits Rebel with it*

Rebel: UGH!! *flies through the wall, landing outside*

Charlemagne: *looking through the hole that was made* Thy time is up, Centipede. Not even God can save thee in thy time of need!

Rebel: Gah…

Charlemagne: My duty was to save thee for questioning… but given what happened, I suppose I can brush this off as a trifling “accident”. But I am an honorable sort, Centipede, so I will give thee a last word before thy demise. Well?

Rebel: Y-yeah… I… got one…

Charlemagne: Oh? Let me here it, then.

Rebel: I just wanted to say… that… your accent really sucks…

Charlemagne: …Yes, I do believe it is time to die. *draws saber*

Rebel: Also… *lifts self up to look at Charlemagne*

Charlemagne: …?

Rebel: *reveals a switch in hand* …Did you think I was aiming for you!?

Charlemagne: …Thou speakest what!?

*Rebel suddenly pushes the switch, causing all of the mines that had been scattered throughout the building to go off, causing the entire building to explode!*

Charlemagne: *consumed by the blast* CENTIPEEEEEeede…

Rebel: *gets blown back from the explosion* AAAHHHHHH!!

*The explosion in turn, caused the oil located within to go off, creating a chain reaction, as a good portion of the town suddenly went up in smoke. Thankfully, due to the battle that was just taking place, the residents had all fled the town. During this chaotic moment, multiple sirens could be heard, as none other than the Maverick Hunters make an appearance, there to handle the sudden “Maverick outbreak”… It was during this time that the sun had finally arose…*

Sheriff: *watching the Hunters go by, ignoring him* No good Reploids… always bringin’ trouble to our town…

Rebel: *in the shadows* …

Sheriff: …I know yer there, ya know.

Rebel: …

Sheriff: I don’t know who ya are or why ya came to this ol’ dusty town in the first place… n’ I don’t really care. But if yer spotted by them Hunters, they’ll lock ya away fer a longer time than I was plannin’ on doin’.

Rebel: …

Sheriff: So git. I won’t say nuthin’.

Rebel: …Thanks.

Sheriff: Don’t be thankin’ me, son. *pulls hat down* I ain’t doin’ this outta no respect, I just don’t like those Hunters.

Rebel: Well… thanks regardless. *disappears*

Sheriff: Tch… I get the feelin’ that sumthin’ went down last night, sumthin’ that I ain’t ever gonna comprehend. So I won’t bother. I just hope the poor boy will stop talkin’ in them confounded riddles. “Push the elevator button”… pah! I dunno what an elevator even is.

*As the Sheriff continues to mull over these strange questions and Rebel leaves the town, still suffering from the wounds that were inflicted upon him, the Maverick Hunters still continued their investigation, finding leads and clues, as the townspeople began to devise strategies to rebuild Sangria. It was during this time…*

Charlemagne: *explodes from the rubble, severely wounded* Cent… ipede… Thou hast done well… Do not think… however… that just because thee… emerged victorious… from this batle… that the war… is now over… My revenge… shalt come…! *slowly rises*

???: *appluading from behind* Very well said, Mr. Charlemagne! Spoken like a true connoisseur!

Charlemagne: Th-that voice… Cyphos…?

Cyphos: *walks around to face him* The-one-and-only! So tell me, how did your battle go with Mr. 40000? Well, I take it?

Charlemagne: I… have no time for thy games, Cyphos…

Cyphos: Ahhh, I see, I see. *serious* Well, perhaps this wouldn’t have happened if you weren’t so rough, now would it? *laughing* All I wanted to do was ask Mr. 40000 some simple questions! I even specifically stated, “no killing”! Or don’t you remember?

Charlemagne: I remember… The obnoxious insect–pardon, centipede… was far stronger than anticipated… But it matters not… for next time, I will… emerge victorious…!

Cyphos: *dropping his smile* Yeah, about that… There’s one teensy-weensy problem…

Charlemagne: *annoyed* And that being…?

Cyphos: *places a hand on Charlemagne’s shoulder* You’re tired, aren’t you? Why don’t you rest, Charlemagne?

Charlemagne: What are you talking about–GAAAAAH!!

*Without any sign, Cyphos had suddenly plunged a beam saber into Charlemagne’s midsection, causing the large Reploid to keel over, with only Cyphos helping him to support his weight.*

Charlemagne: *wide-eyed* C-Cyphos… but… why…?

Cyphos: *grinning evilly* I’ll be frank. I’ve never liked you, Charlemagne. Always acting like you were so damn superior! So, I decided to play a little game with you.

Charlemagne: A… a game…?!

Cyphos: Didn’t you think this whole thing was just a little too suspicious? I already said from before that I knew Rebel wasn’t the one we wanted; I just wanted to ask some “questions”. But poor you, you never bothered to even figure out what those questions were!

Charlemagne: There… there were no questions… were there…?

Cyphos: *venomously* That’s right, “old friend”. I decided to see how things would go by pitting you and Rebel against one another–I knew you wouldn’t be able to resist trying to beat him to a pulp! And I’ve been keeping tabs on Rebel, see, so I knew he wouldn’t be able to stay down, either!

Charlemagne: Then… thou schemest to eliminate us both…

Cyphos: Heh… hahahahah! Yeah, but it seems you two both survived… well, at least, both of you did survive!

Charlemagne: Cy… phos… I shan’t… forget this… deed… for the sake of Mechalcanos–

Cyphos: Yeah, yeah, “all for Mechalcanos”. Whatever. Just die already!

*Cyphos then proceeds to yank the saber out of Charlemagne, causing the Reploid knight to stumble backward. Cyphos then decides to take the opportunity to deliver several blows to him, causing him to fall into a heap of pieces. Afterward, Cyphos proceeds to drop a small device next to Charlemagne’s remains, before walking away, smiling wickedly.*

Novice Hunter: *walking onto the scene* Man, this is such a boring job, and this town is a mess! I just wanna go home already. Never should’ve become a Hunter… Wait, what’s that? *sees the slaughter before him* My God, this is horrible… I need to call someone over here, stat!

*As the Hunter turns to leave, the small device Cyphos left catches his eye.*

Novice Hunter: What the heck is this? *picks it up and eyes widen* Oh my God, IT’S A–

*A massive explosion suddenly engulfs the entire town, wiping out all of it’s inhabitants and effectively removing any trace of existance from Sangria. In the distance, we see Cyphos standing, watching the event bouncing off of his shades.*

Cyphos: Knew those things in the store would always come in handy! Have fun rotting with the rest of those poor souls, Charlemagne! I know it’s just what you’ve always wanted! Hehahahah… HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!

The End

Bermuda Shorts # 5

February 21, 2015

Before we get to the last bit of short stories I need to let you in on a little secret. I actually thought the last post was all that was left of the Code: Island Attacker archive. But with a bit of digging I was able to find two things that have never been shared with the public.

The way we wrote the Bermuda Shorts was usually done just on the forum. When we reached a certain number of entry’s they were then posted on the main site. These shorts that you are about to read were all written by myself.

The next post will feature the last epilogue that was written which was done by Rebel4000. The site closed down before he was able to post it.

*All written by Outlaw88*

Insightful Thought # 5

Narrator: And now, an Insightful Thought.

Dramatic music

Narrator: This week’s guest: R.O.B.

R.O.B.: Beep.

Narrator: And to help us out, please welcome special guest C-3PO. Are you sure you can understand him?

C-3PO: Sir, I am fluent in over 6 million forms of communication. I can understand and translate just fine.

Narrator: Ok then.

R.O.B.: Beep.

C-3PO: He says “Hello. I’m R.O.B. and I work with The Rat by being his assistant.”

R.O.B.: Beep.

C-3PO: “It’s not as bad as you might think. It’s really mutually benificial. I fix him if he gets hurt and I get information for him, and in return he protects me.”

R.O.B.: Beep.

C-3PO: “Dragging Dead Man along can be a chore but overall I can’t complain.”

R.O.B.: Beep.

Narrator: Interesting. So what did he say that time?

C-3PO: That one was just a beep.

Narrator: Anything else?

R.O.B.: Beep.

C-3PO: He says “For fun I like to access the internet and look at funny cat pictures. Sometimes I like to go on forums and make others look like complete idiots. But my favorite thing is to watch videos of people getting hurt.”

Narrator: So you’re an internet troll.

*Before R.O.B. can answer an angry mob shows up. They chase R.O.B.*

C-3PO: Oh my.

Narrator: This has been an Insightful Thought.
The Eating Contest

It’s the Megalopolis annual “Eat till you’re sick!” contest. Rebel and Outlaw are backstage.

Rebel: What are you worried about man? You’ve got this!

Outlaw: I don’t know… The competition looks intense.

Rebel: Just go out there and do what you do best, other than stink, and we can snag the grand prize.

Announcer: Let’s get the show going! Here are the contestants: The four eyed freak Belome!

Belome: Oh the hunger…

Announcer: That little pink guy Kirby!

Kirby: HIIIIII!

Announcer: And Mr. Sewer Breath, Outlaw!

Outlaw: “Mr. Sewer Breath?”

Rebel: Well you are.

The three take the stage. Before anything can happen though…”

???: Wait!

*Takeru Kobayashi rushes the stage*

Takeru: I should be part of this! I’m a world record holder!

Announcer: We’ve been over this already. They wanted new people.

Takeru: I can out eat anyone! Just watch!

Announcer: Can someone get rid of this guy or something?

Belome: Stick for a body, head full of straw, give me a Scarecrow,
Rah, Rah RAH!

*Takeru Kobayashi is now a scarecrow*

Takeru: …

Announcer: That’s better. Now onto the event!

Kirby: Hi!

Outlaw: Hi to you too.

Kirby: HiIIIII!

Outlaw: Um… Hi.

Kirby: HIIIIII!

Belome: Oh the Hunger.

Outlaw: Suddenly I miss Takeru.

The massive piles of food are brought out. They place giant amonts in front of each of them. A bell sounds and they go at it.

Outlaw: *Nom nom nom!*

Belome: *Lick*

Kirby: HIIIII!!!

*Kirby inhales. His plate of food, Outlaw’s plate of food and Belome’s plate of food alll get eaten in one big gulp.*

Outlaw: Holy crap!

Belome: My food! You took my food! Gimme it back!

Kirby: Hi!

Belome: HUNGER!

*Belome rushes Kirby*

Outlaw: This can’t end well.

Kirby inhales Belome. A monsterous six eyed, pink beast with a huge mouth and extra long tongue is formed. It rushes the backstage area and escapes the building, eating anything in it’s path.

Outlaw: What has been seen cannot be unseen.

The End
Bakery of Doom

Rebel: It’s just around this corner.

Shadow: Where are we going again?

Rebel: I’ve heard that this is the best bakery ever and I’m in the mood for some comfort food.

Shadow: Considering Avi decided to paint the Whale King today I can see why you’d need comforting.

Rebel: Here it is! Aperture Science Bakery!

Shadow: Odd name for a bakery.

*When they go inside they notice that there isn’t anyone there.*

Shadow: Hello?

*A computerized voice responds*

GLaDOS: Welcome to the Aperture Science Bakery. I am called GLaDOS. How may I help you?

Rebel: Awesome.

Shadow: Where is everybody?

GLaDOS: This bakery is fully automated. The staff has been eliminated.

Shadow: What?!

GLaDOS: I apologize. What I meant to say was the need for staff has been eliminated.

Rebel: Good. I hate dealing with idiots.

Shadow: Rebel, something’s wrong here.

Rebel: Yeah. Too much talk, not enough buying me a cookie.

GLaDOS: Here is the menu. Please make your selection. May I recommend the Mrs. Lovett brand meat pie?

Rebel: Well with a name like Lovett it has to be good! I’ll take…

Shadow: NONE!

GLaDOS: Pity.

Rebel: What the hell man? You complain to me that we don’t hang out like we used to so I take you with me to get some eats. The moment I try to get said eats you prevent me from doing so?

Shadow: Trust me on this one. You wouldn’t like those pies.

Rebel: Whatever. *Looks at menu* How good are the sprinkle cookies?

GLaDOS: They are one of our killer sale items. Please note that the green particles are sprinkles. Clearly not rat poison.

Shadow: I don’t like this.

Rabel: Yeah, I’m not feeling sprinkles. Maybe they have some cake.

GLaDOS: We stay open until we run out of cake.

*There is a faint scream from deep within the building.*

Shadow: What was that?

GLaDOS: That was one of our test subjects. I mean Taste Testers. Those are screams of delight. Everything is normal.

Shadow: Rebel, we should get out of here. I think GLaDOS is up to something.

Rebel: Don’t be stupid. She’s being so nice and helpful. The word “Glad” is in her name so there’s no way she can be bad.

Shadow: Hurry up and pick something then.

Rebel: I’m still looking. Everything sounds so good.

*While Rebel looks at the menus, Shadow notices a strange blue glowing doorway. He walks over to it.*

Shadow: It’s like a swirly round thing.

Rebel: Round thing.

Shadow: I can see the top of my head.

*Glances up and see’s a similar doorway glowing orange.*

GLaDOS: The Aperture Science Bakery is not responsible for any harm done to and by stupid people.

Shadow: Huh?

*Shadow slips and tumbles into the Portal. He slams into the ground.*

Shadow: D’oh!

Rebel: I got it! Three donuts please.

GLaDOS: Excellent. Whice types would you like?

Shadow: I’m going to go wait outside.

Rebel: Fine. Be that way.

*Shadow exits the building. A few moments later Rebel joins him. They start walking for home.*

Shadow: Well?

Rebel: I got a soylent glazed one and a one that has creme filling. She said it was so good that my guts don’t know what’s coming.

Shadow: Sounds… Great….

Rebel: Yeah. I can’t wait. Oh and I got you a bear claw.

Shadow *Gulp*

THE END

Beyond Classification

*In the Whale King*

Rebel: Meeting Time!

Metabad: Meeting Time?!

Dark Knight: Meeting Time!

*DK and Metabad do a little jig*

Rebel: Sit down and shut up!

Shadow: So what’s up Rebel?

Avi: This isn’t about the rug is it? It looks so much better now.

Sean: What happened to the rug?

Avi: I don’t know Sean, what?

Rebel: Today we’re going to talk about Majin.

Majin: I like ponies.

Outlaw: Me too. They taste good with a little soy sause and steamed rice.

Sean: You didn’t…..

Outlaw: Isn’t that what was in food we ordered last night?

Sean: Let’s never go there again.

Rebel: AHEM! Back to the subject at hand.

Shadow: Are we going to finally talk about his out of control drinking problem?

DK: Or the fact that he keeps throwing up on everything electronic?

Majin: Or if lice really do see the rainbow of my tuna salad pants?

Rebel: No.

Avi: Then what?

Rebel: That’s the real question. What. As in what the hell is he anyway?

Outlaw: You mean the fact that he’s from Majin World?

Rebel: No, no I get that. I’m talking about what he looks like right now. What the hell is he? He’s also called Wire Sponge but…

Shadow: Now that you mention it.. Yeah he doesn’t really look like a sponge to me.

Avi: I thought he was a plant.

Metabad: Are sponges plants?

Outlaw: I thought they were some kind of sea life.

DK: Majin kinda looks like a really messed up cucumber to me.

Majin: How many licks does it take to get to the moon?

Sean: The leaves on his head, the green color, and vines make me think he is a plant too. But he does seem to be able to absorb liquids like a sponge.

Shadow: I’m confused.

Outlaw: Maybe he’s some kind of hybrid?

Avi: Those get good gas mileage.

Rebel: Forget it. This is getting us nowhere fast. I guess we’ll never know what he is.

Majin: Luffa.
*Based on real life confusion and….discovery!* http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Luffa

Bermuda Shorts # 4

February 17, 2015

Insightful Thought #4
By Outlaw88

Narrator: And now, an Insightful Thought.

*Dramatic music*

Narrator: This week’s guest: Oreo Oreo.

Oreo: Life is a funny thing ya know? I mean why did Trump pick Oreo’s to make us out of? Sure we can easily be remade after we get beat up or something but still. Why not rock? Or steel? I like being alive, don’t get me wrong but… My boss is weird.

Narrator: This has been an…

Oreo: I’M NOT DONE!

Narrator: Oh… Continue then.

Oreo: Being made of cookies is tough. I could go stale or parts of me could fall off or melt. But the worst thing is the ants. THE ANTS! They never leave us alone! Always trying to eat us or drag us to their mound. I HATE ANTS! I hate that I’m edible! I hate the C:IA for always beating us! WHY IS MY LIFE SO BAD?! AHHHHHH!!!

*Oreo starts crying, causing some of his face to melt.*

Narrator: This has been an Insightful Thought.

The End

* * *

Book Report
By Outlaw88

*Shadow is in the living room area, quietly reading a book.*

Shadowstrike: Very interesting.

*Majin staggers in*

Majin: What yoooou do?

Shadowstrike: I’m reading. Go away.

Majin: Reading what?

Shadowstrike: A book.

Majin: Book?

Shadowstrike: Yes, Majin. Book. Thing with words.

Majin: Reading… Rainbow.

Shadowstrike: Sure. Whatever. Just leave me alone ok?

Majin: Ya.

*There is a brief moment of silence.*

Majin: *in Shadow’s ear* I CAN DO ANYTHING! TAKE A LOOK! IT’S IN A BOOK!!!!!!!

*This sudden outburst made Shadow jump.*

Shadowstrike: Forget this.

*He goes to a different part of the ship. He looks around and all is quiet. He is in a hallway where a few of the rooms are located.*

Shadowstrike: Ahhhh…

*Suddenly the whole hall shakes as insanely loud music is being played. He goes to Outlaw’s room and as soon as he opens the door the music gets even louder! Outlaw and Metabad are moshing to the music.*

Shadowstrike: TURN IT OFF!

*They don’t notice him. Shadow goes over to the stereo and turns it off.*

Metabad: Hey!

Shadowstrike: You guys are going to go deaf if you keep playing it that loud! Don’t you have any consideration for people who want quiet?!

Outlaw: What?

Metabad: Huh?

Shadowstrike: Nevermind.

*He storms out.*

Metabad: What did he say?

Outlaw: I dunno. Something about hamsters, hoola hoops and precipitation.

*Back in the hall, Shadow tries to find his place in the book, but the music gets turned back on. He lets out a frustrated groan and moves on.*

Shadowstrike: I’ll try the next hall over.

*He enters the next section of the ship. There is a lot of smoke in the air. Sean is sitting by the door.*

Shadowstrike: Sean?

Sean: Yeah?

Shadowstrike: What did you do?

Sean: You don’t want to know. I’d try not to breath too much if I were you.

Shadowstrike: Moving on.

*He goes to yet another section of the ship. He doesn’t see anyone around. He breathes a sign of relief and sits down on the couch. Avi rushes into the room.*

Avi: Noooo!

Shadowstrike: What?!

Avi: Can’t you read the sign?

Shadowstrike: Sign? What sign?

*Avi takes out a sheet of poster paper and writes on it.*

Avi: This one of course!

*The sign says “Wet Paint”*

Shadowstrike: What the hell?

*Shadow gets up. The couch is covered in paint, and now so is Shadow.*

Shadowstrike: Why did you dump paint on the couch?

Avi: It’s not a couch anymore! The world is my canvas and I felt my creative self call out and desire this masterpiece. I call it “Drippy Comfort.”

Shadowstrike: I call it “Ruined Furniture.”

*Shadow leaves. He passes DK.*

Dark Knight: Hey Shadow!

Shadowstrike: What…

Dark Knight: Why is your ass blue?

Shadowstrike: Why are you staring at my ass?

Dark Knight: …

Shadowstrike: …

Dark Knight: This conversation didn’t happen.

*Shadow goes into the kitchen. He has a brief moment alone but then Rebel comes in and heads for the fridge.*

Shadowstrike: Hey Reb.

Rebel: Why aren’t you piloting?! Are we going to crash again? I DON’T WANT TO DIE! THERE IS STILL SO MUCH SODA LEFT FOR ME TO DRINK!

Shadowstrike: We’re on the ground.

Rebel: Oh. So what are you doing then?

Shadowstrike: I’ve been trying to read.

Rebel: Oh yeah? What is it?

Shadowstrike: It’s a self-help book. “The joy of a normal life and how to get it.”

*Rebel laughs uncontrolably for a good ten minutes.*

Rebel: With this crew? Good luck.

*Rebel leaves. It is now quiet. He glances at the book.*

Shadowstrike: Hmmm…

*Total silence*

Shadowstrike: Screw this. I’m gonna go mosh with Outlaw and Metabad.

The End

* * *

Infomercial
by Avi

Voice: ARTISTS! Tired of your eraser making a mess all over your masterpieces?! Sick of trying to erase in those hard to reach places?!

Avi: Hi, Morph Moth here with the AVI-RASER!

Avi: It’s a COMPLETELY and TOTALLY original project manufactured only in Germany, and is COMPLETELY and TOTALLY not some ordinary kneaded eraser I picked up from the local Walmart to sell at jacked-up prices! Oh, no. My product was manufactured EXCLUSIVELY in Ireland!

Outlaw: Wow, so how does it work?

Avi: Just squish it into the shape you want, then rub away! The putty-like compound allows you to mold it, tear it, and smush it back together! It’s so easy, even I can do it! Watch as I erase this raw sewage from this alligator’s back side!

*Avi begins using the eraser to do so–one change of camera angle later…*

Outlaw: *sparkly clean* Um… did I really have to take that shower just for this?

Avi: Yes–I-I mean, there was no shower, child, it was just… THE PATENTED AVI TECHNOLOGY, found exclusively in Norway, cleans your canvas so thoroughly, you’d swear you’d have taken it through the shower! See what MILLIONS of customers are saying about the Avi-raser!

Metabad: It… rawks, I guess.

Shadowstrike: Meh.

Majin: dis bbl gum taests funy

Dark Knight: Well, I suppose it could be wor–

Sean: *begins rubbing DK with the eraser*

*One change of camera angle later, and DK is nowhere to be found*

Sean: The Avi-raser… CHANGED. MY. LIFE.

Avi: That’s right! The Avi-raser can rub out people as well! Thus making it PERFECT for the Mafia, and for surgeons conducting amputations as well! With ordinary erasers, it would take HOURS to separate a pair of Siamese twins at the joint, and with a nasty mess to boot! But with the Avi-raser, it’s done in mere minutes, and without any of the mess!

Rebel, Outlaw, Majin, Shadowstrike, Metabad, Sean: …

Avi: I know what you’re thinking. Products like this would normally sell for over 300 zenny! But through this exclusive epilogue offer, you can get the Avi-raser for a measly 19.95!! But wait, there’s more!! Call within the next 15 minutes, and you’ll also receive… um…

Rebel: Receive what?

Avi: Um… I… hold on one second… *picks up the eraser, and takes a small piece off of it* …um… YEAH! Call within the next 15 minutes, and you’ll also receive the Avi-raser Jr.! It allows you to erase those tight spaces, and it’s great for the kids too! And that’s not all! You can combine it with the full-sized Avi-raser *molds the pieces back together* to form the GIANT Avi-raser! And all of this can be yours if you CALL NOW!

Rebel, Outlaw, Majin, Shadowstrike, Metabad, Sean: *collective groan*

Voice: To order, call 555-SCAM. The Avi-raser is manufactured EXCLUSIVELY in Portugal and is not available in stores. CALL NOW!

The End

(This short is dedicated to an artist’s most valuable tool–the kneaded eraser. Seriously, they’re awesome. -The Real Avi)

* * *

Unwilling Art
By Outlaw88

Rebel: I’ve told you twenty times already, I don’t want you drawing on me.

Avi: But why? I could do so much! The extra arms could symbolize how art can be an extra extension of the mind and body. The spikey tail is how art can be painful but rewarding!

Rebel: I think we need to get you some medication or something.

Avi: Come on, just a little doodle. How ’bout a happy face? It’ll be the the best happy face ever!

Rebel: Does it look like I need a happy face?

Avi: Yes, Mr. Grouchy, I think you do!

Rebel: Forget it.

Avi: It could be like a tatoo! I could make it a tough happy face! Tough guys get tattoos!

Rebel: What part of “No” didn’t you get?

Avi: He could have some barbed wire on him, and be wearing a side-ways hat. Ohhh it would be so tough and cute on you! Hold still.

Rebel: AHHHH!!!

*Rebel runs down the hall. Avi gives chase, still talking about the happy face.*

Rebel: I swear I’m going to throw away all her art supplies.

*Rebel can see that Outlaw is up ahead*

Rebel: Dude, you have to hide me. Avi has flipped out and is crazy intent on drawing on me and… What the hell happened to you?

*Outlaw is covered from head to toe in random drawings.*

Outlaw: What do you mean?

Rebel: She got to you already, I see.

Outlaw: Oh these. Neat huh?

Rebel: You’ve got to be kidding me. How could you just let her do that to you?

Outlaw: It’s not bad really. I like it.

Rebel: Just when I think I have you figured out, you go and do something weird.

Outlaw: Weird would be how that color is going to look when it dries. I have to say, neon orange is an interesting choice for your tail.

Rebel: What?!

*Avi is busy painting Rebel.*

Rebel: NOOOOOO!!!

*Rebel takes off. Avi once again follows*

Avi: Don’t go too fast or you’ll smear!

*Rebel hides behind a corner. He inspects his tail.*

Rebel: Ugh. This is going to take forever to come off.

Dark Knight: You got off light. At least she went with paint for you.

Rebel: Huh?

*DK is covered in plaster and is unable to move*

Dark Knight: She thought I’d look better as a statue. So instead of sculpting it from scratch she dumped me in this stuff.

Avi: And what a lovely piece of modern art you are! By the way, polka dots look good on you Rebel.

*Rebel looks down. He’s covered in spots.*

Rebel: Polka dots are not manly or tough.

Avi: Who said anything about that?

Rebel: You did.

Avi: I think I’d remember saying something about that.

Rebel: What about the happy face then?

Avi: What a great idea! That would go great as a face painting!

Rebel: Me and my big mouth.

The End

* * *

“Well, That’s Confusing”
By Sean

*Shadowstrike, Sean, and Outlaw are sitting at a table. Shadowstrike starts shuffling a deck of cards.*

Shadowstrike: So, everyone set on the rules now?

Sean: Are you sure those are correct? I really though that–

Outlaw: Look, I checked. No one has followed those rulings in twenty years.

Sean: Oh, that makes sense then. I don’t think I’ve played once in the past thirty.

*Suddenly Rebel rushes into the room*

Rebel: Is this room safe?

Shadowstrike: What are you talking about?

Rebel: I saw Avi carrying a few gallons of paint.

Shadowstrike: LOCK THE DOOR!

Sean: I really hope I don’t get like that when I’m old. *Everyone looks at him* What?

Outlaw: Actually, how old are you?

Shadowstrike: Yeah, you claim to be both from the era of Robot Masters and looked pretty human when we met you.

Sean: Let me think….

Rebel: You don’t know?

Sean: Well, I have not been conscious this whole time. I think I spent at least a decade frozen solid.

Outlaw: Okay that explains it.

Sean: And I don’t know how long in suspended animation. Then there was the three weeks I spent dead, four weeks of which I was a ghost.

Rebel: Four of three weeks?

Sean: Time travel. By the way, how do you count time travel? If you return to the same point you left does the time spent still count toward your age? Also do you count time spent in timelines that don’t exist or when time has been frozen?

Shadowstrike: What?

Sean: Then there were all the clone bodies and the robotic duplicates. The time my brain was scanned into a computer and copied. Or just times when my mind was uploaded to various computer networks. All the curses and blessings that I’ve gotten over the years as well keep changing my mortal state…

Rebel: Curses and blessings? I thought you had only one curse!

Sean: At the moment I’m pretty sure that was true… Actually what body am I in and am I currently the original ‘Sean’ now that you mention it? You said I seemed human, right?

Outlaw: Yeah…

Sean: Okay, good. That helps narrows things down… If I went back to my human form this might help, but then I’m not sure what phobias and psychological issues I’m currently suffering from. I think I got most cured.

Rebel: Most cured? Shouldn’t you know?

Sean: Therapy is too expensive to keep up with. Also traumatic events have caused me to to develop new ones or suffer from an old one again. Then I think I have also had some instilled by viruses as well and there was at least one time when that was something I created myself.

Shadowstrike: Don’t you have any ID? Or remember your birth date?

Sean: I’ve lost and gained so many licenses over the years. Also there were a few of the previously mentioned viruses, mind affecting enchantments, and just pain head trauma that has made it hard to remember. I have two forms of my latest ID, one for age says ‘enough’ and the other has a number that was randomly generated at the time.

Rebel: Remind me to not ask about your past again. It seems too confusing.

Sean: I really hope I am the only ‘Sean’ at this point in time.

Outlaw: Wouldn’t there be a chance the other one might be capable of giving us a straight answer.

Sean: Over sixty percent of the time when two of us have met, only one survives.

*Suddenly Avi bursts in the room*

Avi: I finally found you all! I think I found the perfect the perfect color and design for all of you! Just think of how the message we send to the populace as they see us victorious can be changed!

Shadowstrike: I thought I said to lock the door.

Rebel: I am the leader, I don’t have to follow orders. Besides Sean distracted us. *flees*

Outlaw: It can’t be too bad. Besides it makes her happy.

Shadowstrike: You and Sean can go first, then. *flees*

Sean: *Hides under his shell*

Avi: You know I heard everything you just said… *Starts staring at Sean’s shell* It’s so bright and shiny, just like life! The duality of the spiral can represent both the upward climb and the downward fall of society! And I know just how to make it more understandable! *Grabs a brush*

The End

Bermuda Shorts # 3

February 16, 2015

Insightful Thought #3
By Outlaw88

Narrator: And now, an insightful thought.

*Dramatic music*

Narrator: This week’s guest: Majin

Majin: ZZZZZZZZ… *gets poked with a stick* To dream is to follow your heart. To follow your heart is to go on with pride. To play with the world allows us to sleep with dignity. To be able to love is the highest gift of all.

To remember where you came from will help you not to lose where you are going.

Narrator: *Jawdrop*

Majin: I only had me a keg today. Not as buzzzzzzzzed yet.

Narrator: This has been an Insightful Thought.

The End

* * *

A Lifetime in Two Days
By Rebel40000

Dark Knight: *watching TV* Bleh, there’s nothing on. *changes the channel*

Salesman: *on TV* Heeey, there! Are you bored with your life?

Dark Knight: No, not really–

Salesman: Do you wish you could add some “fun” in your day?

Dark Knight: Well, maybe–

Salesman: Or at least find something good to watch on TV!?

Dark Knight: Um–

Salesman: Then try the “Super Turbo Remote Controller”! With this, you can flip through channels at light speed, until you find perfect channel meant for you!

Dark Knight: But I–

Salesman: How does it work? Simple! Just push the big red button on the remote and you will enter light speed, causing your TV to scroll through all of your channels faster than the blink of an eye! On top of that, utilizing the sensor on the remote’s button causes it to determine exactly what you want to watch!

Dark Knight: Sounds interesting, but–

Salesman: And we have a limited time offer! If you dial this number now *a number appears at the bottom of the screen* then you will receive the “Super Turbo Remote Controller” for absolutely free! That’s right, absolutely free for your entire lifetime!

Dark Knight: My entire lifetime!? I’m in! *grabs phone and starts dialing* Yeah, hello? I want that “Super Turbo Remote Controller” that is being sold for a whole free lifetime. Yeah, that one. All right, here is my mailing address and credit card number…

*Two weeks later…*

Dark Knight: *receives a package* All right! Light speed channel surfing, here I come! *opens box and finds a letter* Huh? A letter? *reads*

“Dear Dark Knight,

Thank you for purchasing the “Super Turbo Remote Controller”! We hope you enjoy the two free trial days that come with this fabulous gift! After the two free day trial, you will be automatically charge $35.98 every month. Enjoy!”

Dark Knight: WHAAAAAAAT!? I’ve been had!

*Doorbell rings*

Dark Knight: Now what? *opens door and finds two more packages addressed to him* What the Hell!? *opens them and finds similar letters charging him* I didn’t order these! Why those lousy… *sees the remote* Well, at least I’ve got the remote. Might as well check it out…

*Thus Dark Knight walks over to the living room and sits down in front of the TV.*

Dark Knight: All right, lightspeed surfing here I come! *presses the button and nothing happens* …What? *presses the button more* What is wrong with this thing!? Does it need batteries!?

*Panicking, Dark Knight grabs the remote to try and find the battery casing, only to find that there is none.*

Dark Knight: No… no… *gets on knees and clutches his head* NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

The End

* * *

Bedtime Story
By Outlaw88

*One night in the living room, Rebel, Outlaw, and Shadow were watching a movie.*

Shadowstrike: That car got crushed like it was tin foil!

Rebel: Hell yeah!

Outlaw: Did that guy’s head just explode?!

Rebel: Super Action Movie 5 is kick-ass awesome.

Shadowstrike: You said it!

*Avi enters*

Avi: What are you younguns doing up so late?

Rebel: What do you mean late?

Outlaw: Yeah, it’s only, like 11:30. This is early for us.

Avi: Yes I think you should get early starts in the morning, too.

Shadowstrike: I think her hearing went out. Go away Avi, we’re watching a movie here.

Avi: My hearing is just fine and I’ll hear no more arguing from the three of you. Time for bed. If you do it now I’ll read you a story.

Rebel: Go away, you crazy old coot.

Outlaw: Yeah this is the best part.

Avi: You asked for it.

*After several bashes to the head the three of them are tucked into bed.*

Rebel: Can either of you guys move?

Outlaw: Nope.

Shadowstrike: Nope.

Rebel: Damn… Why did she put Outlaw in the middle? You smell like a foot covered in cheese that was left out in the sun.

Shadowstrike: And since when did we own a bed this big?

Avi: Hush now, children. It’s story time!

Outlaw: Well, at least we’ll get some entertainment out of this.

*Avi sits down in a rocking chair. She pulls out and book and opens it.*

Shadowstrike: Uh, Avi, thats upside…

Avi: Hush now!

Rebel: Just shut up and let her read. The faster she gets done the faster she’ll leave.

Outlaw: So we hope.

Avi: *Ahem* Once upon a rock there was a time that rolled down a hill.

Rebel: What the hell? *gets bopped*

Avi: No swearing!

Shadowstrike: Ha ha, you got hit.

Avi: Quiet you.

Outlaw: Resume.

Avi: At the bottom of the hill was a giant ant named Biff. He has nothing to do with the hero of the pack of gum that was in peril of being hit by a golf club.

Shadowstrike: This is making my head hurt.

Avi: I told you to be quiet.

*Avi shoves a pacifier in Shadow’s mouth.*

Shadowstrike: MMMMMMMM!!!

Outlaw: This is so weird but strangly captivating.

Avi: On the far shore near the fire hydrant there was a magic pair of pants that went on a journy to find his lost pudding cup. He talked to the three knee’ed sloth about the times and the sea shell that once ate a monster truck.

Rebel: I am checking you in to a mental hospital you crazy… *gets bopped*

Avi: No interrupting!

Rebel: SON OF A… *gets bopped*

Avi: No swearing!

Shadowstrike: *sucksuck* Ya know… This isn’t so bad.

Rebel: I’m going to cripple you if you say that again.

Outlaw: So then what happened?

Avi: Right right. So anyway there was this fruit bat who knew the secrets of the forbidden paper clip. This made the cooking oil the president and the belly button lint became the answer to life itself. And they all lived happily ever after. The End.

Rebel: That was…

Shadowstrike: *Suck* Messed up.

Avi: Well that’s it. Good night children!

*Avi turns the lights off and leaves.*

Rebel: Ok she’s gone. Let’s get out of here.

Shadowstrike: *Sucksuck*

Rebel: Spit that out!

Shadowstrike: Awww…

Rebel: Ok, cut us out of here Outlaw.

Shadowstrike: Outlaw?

Outlaw: Zzzzzzzzzzz…

The End

* * *

Unspirited
By Outlaw88

*In the living room area DK and Shadow are playing the Ghostbusters video game*

Dark Knight: YEAH! Trapped another one.

Shadowstrike: Causing massive property damage is fun.

Dark Knight: It really is true. Busting makes you feel good.

Shadowstrike: I don’t know. Something about this doesn’t seem right.

Dark Knight: What the hell are you talking about? What can be wrong with us zapping ghosts?

Shadowstrike: *Pauses the game* Don’t some ghosts deserve some peace after death?

Dark Knight: What?!

Shadowstrike: What if a ghost was just hanging around not bothering anybody? Why would they trap it?

Dark Knight: Look, once you die and wind up a ghost you have no rights. They can shoot you, trap you, and put you in a containment unit, and charge an obscene amount of money for it.

Shadowstrike: What ever happened to respect for the dead?

Dark Knight: Screw that, its all about living.

Shadowstrike: If I died and became a ghost, would you…

Dark Knight: In a heartbeat.

Shadowstrike: You would zap me and trap me?!

Dark Knight: Yes, and if you don’t un-pause the game I’ll make sure it happens soon.

*Shadow gets the game going again.*

Shadowstrike: You’re evil.

Dark Knight: I know.

The End

* * *

Surprise Surprise
By Rebel40000

Metabad: It could be worse.

Sean: *shocked* Ow.

Metabad: It could be worse.

Sean: *shocked* Ow.

Metabad: It could be worse.

Sean: *shocked* Ow.

Metabad: It could be worse.

Sean: *shocked* Ow.

Metabad: It could be worse.

Sean: *shocked* Ow.

Metabad: It could be worse.

Sean: *shocked* Damn it, that’s it. I am sick of getting shocked!

Metabad: Soooooo?

Sean: So, I am going to teach you some manners in proper etiquette!

Metabad: No way, man! NO WAY!! *gets dragged off by Sean*

*A shortwhile later, in a make-shift classroom*

Sean: …And that is that. Questions?

Metabad: *raises hand*

Sean: Yes?

Metabad: So, do I haaaaave to say hello?

Sean: *facepalms* At this rate, I am going to end up like Majin… Look, let me get down to the basics here. Whenever you first meet someone, the proper thing to do is give that person a friendly greeting, which means NOT shocking them or activating their curse and causing pain and misfortune on them…

Metabad: *blinks*

Dark Knight: *sneaks up behind Sean*

Metabad: *blinks*

Sean: …Because, if you were to act in such a manner toward people on a regular basis, then…

Metabad: *blinks*

Dark Knight: *readies self*

Metabad: *blinks*

Sean: …Thus no good will ever come from this current behavior. Any comments?

Metabad: He’s got a bazooka!

Sean: Wait what–

KABOOM!!

Dark Knight: Mwahahahah! *runs out of the classroom*

Metabad: So do I pass, teach!?

Sean: *is in pieces on the floor* Yeah… sure… whatever…

Metabad: RAWKIN’!! *rawks out of the classroom*

Sean: I… hate… my life…

Metabad: *pokes head back in* It could be worse.

Sean: *shocked* Damn it…

The End

Bermuda Shorts # 2

February 14, 2015

Insightful Thought #2
By Outlaw88

Narrator: And now, an insightful thought.

*Dramatic music*

Narrator: This week’s guest: Metabad.

Metabad: Wut?

Narrator: This is where you tell us what’s on your mind.

Metabad: Orite. Here goes:

Ok see this one time I was all like WHOA cuz we did some stuff and RAWKED at it. We fought stuff destroyed stuff and yeah we good.

Narrator: Wut?

Metabad: It’s true!!! I told em I was like this awesome guy then me and Rebel did a high five and kicked evil right square in the circle! Also triangle and octogon!

Narrator: This has been an Insightful Thought.

Metabad: Did I tell you about the time I got a chicken tender stuck up my nose?

Narrator: Help.

The End

* * *

That Old Class Project
By Rebel40000

Avi: Okie-dokie, kids, today we are going to be starting an experiment!

Rebel: No.

Shadowstrike: Yes.

Rebel: WHO GAVE YOU PERMISSION TO SPEAK!?

Sean: What kind of experiment is it?

Avi: We’re going to raise butterflies!

Dark Knight: …You mean, what we did as little kids back in elementary school?

Avi: YES!!

Metabad: DO WANT.

Outlaw: Aww, little butterflies can be so cu…rly. Yeah. Wasn’t gonna say cute. Nope.

Majin: wanta fanta?

Shadowstrike: *imagines being surrounded by Fanta girls* Mm-hmm.

Avi: So it’s decided! Let’s get staaaaaarteeeeeeeeed!

*Day 1*

Avi: First, we must give our caterpillars lots and lots of water!

Sean: …Huh? Wouldn’t that be kinda unnecessary?

Avi: Nonsense! We need lots of water for them, son! Or else they will shrivel up and die! *to Rebel, Shadowstrike, and Dark Knight* You three! Get water, now!

Rebel, Shadowstrike, Dark Knight: Yes, ma’am…

*Day 3*

Shadowstrike: Avi! Rebel knocked over my caterpillar container!

Rebel: NUH-UH.

Shadowstrike: UH-HUH.

Avi: Now, now, boys! Settle down! Shadow, I’m certain your little caterry-pillarly-poo will be all right.

Dark Knight: It looks like it’s having a seizure.

Avi: That’s just your imagination, silly boy! Now get more water, posthaste!

Rebel, Shadowstrike, Dark Knight: Yes, ma’am…

*Day 6*

Outlaw: Oh boy, I wonder how my caterpillar is doing? *looks* OH NO IT’S GONE!!

Metabad: WHAT!? MINE TOO!! ALL THAT’S LEFT IS SOME ROCK ATTACHED TO THE ROOF OF THE CONTAINER!!

Outlaw: SAME HERE!!

Metabad: THIS AIN’T RAWKIN’, MAN!! NOT. RAWKIN’.

Sean: … *facepalms*

*Day 10*

Avi: Well, children! Our caterpillars have become beautiful butterflies! Take a look-see!

Everyone else: Cool!

Avi: Some of the results have proven to be quite… interesting! Look, Rebel’s caterpillar turned into a Butterfree!

Butterfree: BUTTERFREE!!

Rebel: First Digimon and now Pokemon!?

Avi: And Dark Knight’s became the legendary Mothra!

Mothra: *unleashes a blast of energy*

Dark Knight: HOLY SHIT!!

Avi: Shadow, your butterfly is in actuality a butterfly tattoo! And, um… it’s on a bucket! *lifts a bucket up*

Shadowstrike: … *grabs the bucket and puts it on* …Yay.

Sean: What’s mine?

Avi: Yours is the unlucky butterfly! It’s filled with all sorts of bad luck-goodness.

Sean: Wow, that’s uh… great? I think… *gets shocked for no reason* AHHHH!!

Avi: And Metabad, your butterfly is the “magic butterfly”. Whenever you touch it, it will make you feel good.

Metabad: Like this? *touches it and starts having an acid trip* Whoa… this rawks…

Majin: wat bout me?

Avi: Uh… Yeah… Your butterfly is… some sort of abomination not known to mankind. It’s kinda creepy, actually.

Monster Butterfly: RAAAAAAAGH!! *acid dribbles out of its mouth*

Majin: sca-ree

Outlaw: Oh man! I can’t wait to see my awesome butterfly! What is it!? What did it become!?

Avi: Yours? Lessee here… yours is that normal one in the corner.

Outlaw: A normal one? Mine is… normal?

Avi: Yuuuuuuuup.

Outlaw: *stares at it with loving eyes*

Monster Butterfly: *smashes it* RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!

Outlaw: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

Sean: So what about yours, Avi?

Rebel: Her’s is the biggest freak of them all.

Avi: *hits Rebel with a rolled-up newspaper* Bad boy! Don’t talk bad about my butterfly!

Mini-Avi: Feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Majin: sca-ree

Avi: Now, now, it’s okay. Avi will take good care of you!

Majin: sca-ree

Mini-Avi: Feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Dark Knight: Don’t we have to release them now?

Avi: What?

Shadowstrike: I think at the end of the experiment we set them off into the wild.

Avi: NO!! I mean… we can’t! We worked so hard to make them what they are!

Majin: sca-ree

Outlaw: (I think Majin’s stuck again, guys.)

Metabad: (Bet he was traumatized by his unrawkin’ butterfly.)

Rebel: Well, if you aren’t gonna release them, Avi, then I will! *opens the box they are contained in*

Butterflies: *flies away*

Avi: AHH!! HOW COULD YOU!? COME BAAAAACK!! *flies after them*

Everyone else: …

*Later, on the news…*

Anchorman: Earlier today, a bunch of butterflies attacked Megalopolis. Currently the damage is a record-breaker, higher than any other disaster that has hit the city before. Possibly the most dangerous of the butterflies, however, is a Reploid-ish one that is chasing the rest. We will now show you live footage.

Avi: DON’T RUN AWAY LITTLE BUTTERFLIES!! I PROMISE I WON’T HURT YOOOOUUU!!

Anchorman: Frightening.

The End

* * *

Test Drive
By Outlaw88

*One fine day Sean and Shadow decided to get some practice piloting the Dragonzord. They both agreed that it would be a good idea to learn as much as they could about the amazing abilities of the Zord, in case they ever needed it. Unfortunatly they were forced to bring along somebody else.*

Outlaw: Can I drive?

Sean: No.

Outlaw: Pleeeeeeease?

Sean: NO!

Shadowstrike: Why did we bring him along again? He’s making it stink in here.

Sean: We had to bring him to make sure he’d keep quite.

Outlaw: Yup! Blackmail can be fun!

Shadowstrike: How did you find this anyway?

Outlaw: You hid it in a giant box marked brussle sprouts. If it’s food I’m going to look.

Sean: Whatever. Just as long as you keep it from everybody else. ESPECIALLY Rebel.

Outlaw: Sure, sure. Can I drive now?

Sean: Shut up man. Ok Shadow, make this thing do some slick combat moves.

*Shadow makes the Dragonzord increase its speed and proceeds to do some kickass stuff!*

Dragonzord: ROOOOOARRR!

Sean, Shadowstrike, Outlaw: WOOOOOO!!!!

Shadowstrike: DO A BARREL ROLL!

*Amazingly the Dragonzord does.*

Sean: Holy crap!

Outlaw: That was fun!

Shadowstrike: Guess I got a little carried away there.

Sean: Ya think!?

*Sean smacks Shadow*

Sean: You call yourself a pilot…

Shadowstrike: *Tear*

Outlaw: Can I drive now?

Sean and Shadowstrike: NO!

Outlaw: Why not? I used to drive a tank, so whats the problem?

Sean: Well for starters you crashed that tank and its broken forever. You also filled the tank’s control room with mud!

Outlaw: It was comfortable!

Shadowstrike: Plus when it was working, you ran into everything.

Outlaw: Aw come on guys! I swear I’ll be careful with this thing.

Sean: Well…

Outlaw: Pleeeeeeeeeease?

Shadowstrike: It might be useful to have a backup pilot.

Sean: Fine.

Outlaw: WooT!

*They switch positons. After a brief explanation of how the steering worked they let Outlaw have a try.*

Sean: Not bad for a beginner.

Outlaw: Check this out!

*The Dragonzord Moonwalks*

Shadowstrike: Dude! That was badass!

Sean: Oh hell no!

Outlaw: Huh? I thought I was doing good.

Sean: This isn’t a toy! If you can’t be serious then I can’t let you drive.

*Sean shoves Outlaw out of the way and tries to rush at the controls but trips over Shadow who had to react to avoid getting hit. Sean lands face first onto the panel.*

Shadowstrike: CRAAAAAAAAAP!!

*The Dragonzord is upsidedown and somehow doing a jig.*

Sean: You guy will never let me live this down huh?

Shadow and Outlaw: Nope.

The End

* * *

Punkin
By Outlaw88

*On the Whale King. Kitchen. Rebel is holding a large pumpkin*

Rebel: This thing will make the best jack-o-lantern ever! The ancient Halloween Spirits are sure to give me tons of candy this year. Name brand too! Not that generic crap candy that they give you in little paper bags…

*Suddenly Metabad bursts through the room being chased by Shadow*

Shadowstrike: I WILL KILL YOU!

Metabad: Chill man! Chill!

*They bump into Rebel, making him toss the pumpkin high in the air.*

Rebel: WHAT THE HELL?!

Shadow and Metabad: He started it!

Shadowstrike: You drank all the chocolate milk!

Metabad: You ate all the cookies!

Rebel: I don’t care who did what just get out of the–*SPLAT*

*The pumpkin lands on Rebel’s head. He tries to take it off but can’t! His head is really stuck!*

Rebel: MMNMNMMMMNMMMMHM!

Shadowstrike: Think we should help?

Metabad: Maybe if we do he’ll make that into a pie! Pie RAWKS!

*They try to yank the pumpkin off but fail.*

Metabad: That’s really on there…

Rebel: MMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!! …

Shadowstrike: What?

*Rebel takes a swing at Shadow but misses.*

Shadowstrike: Ok, ok I got an idea.

*Shadow carves a face into the pumpkin*

Rebel: *GASP* GET THIS THING OFFA ME!!!!!

Metabad: We tried! It’s too stuck. Maybe you have a fat head?

Rebel: WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?!

Shadowstrike: Calm down dude. We’ll think of something.

Pumpkin: Ah, my face has returned.

Rebel: Did this thing just talk?!

Metabad: I think I’m about to do something involuntarily…

Pumpkin: Yes, it is good to see and talk again. Now to summon my body.

*A tall figure made of tree branches walks up, easily removes the pumpkin and places it in the proper spot.*

Shadowstrike: So… scared… right… now…

Rebel: Um… Thanks?

Jack: No, thank you. My name is Jack. Jack Pumpkinhead. Well, it’s time to Return to Oz.

*Jack disapears*

Rebel: That was… strange.

Shadowstrike: Still… scared…

*A short, stout robot marches in*

Tik-Tok: Hello, I’m Tik-Tok. Have you seen my friend Jack?

Metabad: Do you think the universe hates us?

Rebel: Yes.

The End

* * *

“#9 Dream”
by Avi

Majin: *with a controller* whooo I’mma playin Megermanz 9 *hic* eat dis, Jool Man!

Mega Man: *fires a black hole bomb*

Jewel Man: *explodes, dropping a mysterious piece of hardware*

Majin: Oooooooo I 1der wut dis doohickey duz??? Letz ass Dokter Light

Dr. Light: …Oh my. According to the analysis, the robot you just defeated has passed its expiration date… in fact; it was scheduled to have been scrapped years ago!

Roll: It’s sad, but unfortunately, it’s the law. When a robot can no longer perform its sole assigned task at peak efficiency…

Majin: hey that’s not cool yo

Dr. Light: Which reminds me, Roll. Happy birthday! *hands her a box*

Roll: *squeals, bearing a big, stupid smile* For me? *tears it open* My, what a beautiful hatchet! Thank you, daddy. THANK YOU! Except… what would I use it for? I mean, I’m a housekeeping robot.

Dr. Light: NOT ANYMORE YOU’RE NOT! *tears the hatchet out of Roll’s hands* HAPPY EXPIRATION DAY, DAUGHTER DEAREST! *uses the axe to “shut down” Roll*

Majin: … *drops his controller*

Mega Man: …W…why? *aims his buster at Light* Why, Dr. Light?

Dr. Light: Heh heh heh… go on, shoot. But good luck breaking Asimov’s Laws! The very mindset I programmed into you… you are, after all, a robot–nothing more than a mere tool to be used by us humans.

Mega Man: I… *sniff*

Dr. Light: Yes, cry. Cry those artificial tears! They are like nectar to me. Your sorrow is my sustenance! My power! CRY, MY PUPPET! THERE IS NO HEAVEN OR HELL FOR SOULLESS MACHINES LIKE YOU, ONLY DREARY NONEXISTENCE!

Majin: …I… no wants ta play tis game n e moore… *goes to pull the plug*

Dr. Light: … *turns to the screen* You can’t run from your fate, Wire Sponge. Wouldn’t you know, tomorrow is YOUR expiration date?

Majin: hunh

Dr. Light: You will be shut down. There is no escape. NO ESCAPE! MWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA…

*And then Majin woke up on the floor in a hangover, with nine empty beer bottles at his side. Yet, he could still hear the deranged laughter of his nightmarish incarnation of Dr. Light echoing in the back of his mind…*

Majin: Ugh… *goes to reach for another bottle*

Avi: *entering the room* Oh my… Majin, I could hear you groaning in your sleep. Was it another bad dream?

Majin: Well, yes… Dr. Light was there, and… and… I can’t say it! I can’t say it! I can’t… say it…

Avi: Awww… *comforts Majin and gently helps him up off the floor, to the bed* I’m so sorry, dear… *tucks him in under a large sheet of paper with a sketch of a blanket on it* Don’t worry, it was aaaaall in your mind. Not. Real. Take it from the moth who talks to her furniture!

Majin: But… robot expiration dates… what if you, and I…

Avi: …Robot expiration dates? HAH! I passed mine decades ago, sonny. Yet here I am! My body may be old, but my mind… um… well… is at the pinnacle of its artistic ingenuity! …Yeah. Totally.

Majin: So robot expiration dates are nothing to worry about, then… ugh, I still need a beer.

Avi: No you don’t, kiddo! We all keep saying–lay off the liquor before bed. It doesn’t help with the nightmares, you know. So for now, rest easy, and know that everything is going to be alright. And soon enough, the Sandman will come to whisk you away to the land of sweet dreams…

*Hours later…*

Majin: *sleeping comfortably and peacefully*

Flannery: SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND!! *sprinkles some in Majin’s eyes*

Majin: OH GOD SLDKFJSKLDFJSDLKFJSLKDFjslkdfjsldfj

The End

Bermuda Shorts #1

February 12, 2015

The Bermuda Shorts series was a bunch of short skits made by the team simply to have fun. There were four in the series. Once these have been posted that will do it for the Code: Island Attacker archive.

Insightful Thought #1
By Outlaw88

Narrator: And now, an insightful thought.

*Dramatic music*

Narrator: This week’s guest: Dead Man.

Dead Man: …

Narrator: This has been an insightful thought.

The End

* * *

“ABC”
By Outlaw88

Narrator: Now its time for something fun!

Rebel: I’ll bet…

Narrator: It’s the ABC’s with Rebel!

Rebel: Why am I doing this?

Narrator: Community service.

Rebel: Ugh. Fine…

A is for: Ass-kicking. The thing I do best.

B is for: Beer. Majin’s drink of choice.

C is for: Coke! Like I’d say something different.

D is for: Donald and his stupid hair.

E is for: Evil. For a better word see “P”

F is for: Flannery. Sand crazy is the tip of the iceberg.

G is for: Gator. My smelly friend.

H is for: Hell. I’m in it while doing this…

I is for: Idiot. Most of my team embodies this.

J is for: Jack. My awesome skeleton friend.

K is for: Kick-ass ninja skillz!

L is for: Lollipop. Don’t judge me. Their good.

M is for: Majin. Cuz I can’t think of anything better.

Majin: Awwwww. I make sad face now… 😦

Rebel: N is for: Noogies! I give them to Shadow!

O is for: Online. Where we live. Technically… I’m breaking the fourth wall again aren’t I?

P is for: Pepsi. Pure evil.

Q is for: Quick! Hand me a Coke!

R is for: RAWK! That’s what I do!

S is for: Super Awesome Fighting Force!

T is for: Totally need another Coke right now.

U is for: Undisputed King of Cool. AKA me.

V is for: Vengeance. I’ll have it soon. Make me do the alphabet will ya you lousy… *mutter mutter mutter*

W is for: Waldo. Why can’t I ever find him!?

X is for: X-Hunters. A pain in the ass from day one.

Y is for: Yuber. My sworn enemy.

Z is for: Zilch. I’ve got nothing for this.

Narrator: Thanks Rebel! See you next time folks.

Rebel: Headbutt a bullet.

The End

* * *

Indigestion
By Outlaw88

*One fine day*

Metabad: DUUUUDE! You gotta play me on this!

Shadowstrike: We’ve been playing this same tired SNES for like 5 hours. Don’t you have a newer system?

Metabad: I used to. I had some RAWKIN stuff right here in front of the couch, but…

Majin: I’VE LOST MY BUTT!

Shadowstrike: He threw up on it huh?

Metabad: Yup.

*Outlaw walks in*

Outlaw: *Buuuuuuuuurp* Yo.

Metabad and Shadowstrike: Sup?

Outlaw: Just had a drinking contest with Rebel.

Majin: Drink?! I’d love one! *runs into a wall*

Shadowstrike: Who won?

Outlaw: We ran out so it was a draw. I’m feelin’ kinda funny though.

Metabad: You don’t look like a clown!

Shadowstrike: (Thank God for that…) Why?

Outlaw: I dunno… I don’t think I’ve had this much carbonation before… HIC!

*An Xbox apperas in front of Metabad*

Metabad: ZOMG!!!!!!

Outlaw: Huh… That was weird… HIC!

*A brick appears and lands on Majin’s head*

Shadowstrike: Outlaw?

Outlaw: Yeah?

Shadowstrike: How are you doing that?

Outlaw: Doing what? HIC!

*A bucket lands on Shadow*

Shadowstrike: THAT!

Outlaw: Beats me.

Metabad: *Dancing with the Xbox* Dude! You RAWK! What else can you make?

Outlaw: I just told you I have no i… HIC!

*A flower pot explodes*

Shadowstrike: It seems everytime you hiccup something happens.

Outlaw: You know… I’ve never had the hiccups before.

Metabad: Are you magic?

Majin: Trick poney…

Outlaw: I don’t think so.

Metabad: Did you eat all the Lucky Charms?

Outlaw: We have Lucky Charms?! HIC!

*Giant rubber duck appears on the ocean*

Shadowstrike: I’ve got it! Remember way back when Rebel and I tried to blow up a Pepsi factory*?

*See Series 2, Epilogue #14, “The Really Effed Up Misadventure”

Outlaw: A little.

Shadowstrike: Remember that thing you ate? What was its name…

Majin: Chocolate… Factory…

Metabad: Wonka?

Shadowstrike: No, no no… Charlie! Do you remember that?

Outlaw:… Um… OH YEAH! That mutant goldfish thing! It granted wishes!

Shadowstrike: Right! So maybe you absorbed some of its power.

Outlaw: That sounds weird.

Rebel: What the hell is going on in here?!

Metabad, Shadowstrike, Outlaw: OH CRAP!

Majin: SPRINKLES!

Rebel: I need a Coke and I need one right now! I’ll start slicing off limbs if I don’t get…

Outlaw: HIC!

*Giant Coke can lands on Rebel*

Rebel: I WILL KILL… Wait… YES! This is so cool! *dives in*

Shadowstrike: Let’s leave.

Metabad: K.

Outlaw: First I shoot lasers out of my mouth and now this… Why do I have to be the vessel for the strange?

Shadowstrike: Just lucky I guess.

Outlaw: Speaking of that… Let’s go eat cereal.

Metabad and Shadowstrike: WOOOOO!

The End

* * *

Crash Diet
By Rebel40000

*On the Whale King*

Rebel: So, recently I’ve gotten into dieting.

Shadowstrike: *piloting* Really? You don’t look the type.

Rebel: Shut up. So, as I was saying, I’ve gotten into dieting.

Shadowstrike: So what exactly have you been doing?

Rebel: Well, I decided to completely stop taking anything that has Vitamin B in it.

Shadowstrike: Cool. Feel any difference?

Rebel: No, not really. Although, I think if I keep up the pace I’ll eventually feel somethi–*passes out on top of Shadow*

Shadowstrike: *eyes get covered* I CAN’T SEE!! *drives ship into a volcano*

*The volcano erupts upon impact*

Shadowstrike: *gets covered in magma* OH MY GOD REBEL WAKE UUUUUUUUP!!

Rebel: *also covered in magma* …

Shadowstrike: AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

*The screen suddenly blinks and goes black like a television turning off. In place of the previous screen a man in a suit appears, sitting on a stool.*

Man: The moral of this story? If you diet you will crash into an erupting volcano.

The End

* * *

“Hangman”
By Avi

Avi: Alright, kids, it’s six o’ clock! It’s time for…

Dark Knight: …Bed. It’s 12:40 AM. Learn to read the damn clock, you senile old hag.

Avi: Manners, please! I ain’t blind, son. *points to a print of Salvador Dali’s La Persistencia de la Memoria—AKA “that painting with the melting clocks”*

Shadowstrike: …Yeah… should we tell her?

Avi: Nope, nope, don?t say a word. Trust me, kid, it’s six o’ clock. In fact, it’s been 6:00 ever since I hung this painting on the wall eight and a half hours ago.

Sean: …

Rebel: …

Majin: …derrr nawt evven me zat delushionul *hic*

Outlaw: Give the old lady a break, guys. You know she has trouble discerning artwork from reality…

Metabad: …WHOA WAIT. If it is 6:00 now, and was 6:00 when she put the painting up all those hours ago… then she has… the ability to stop time?! DUDE, THAT RAWKS! *rawks*

Sean: Or maybe the clock in the painting just needs new batteries. Who can say.

Dark Knight: Or maybe it needs a… jolt of electricity…

Avi: Ooooooookay, before we get into another gag at the snail child’s expense… as I was saying, it’s 6:00. That means it’s time for… HANGMAN!

Rebel: Hangman, you say? Oh, what the hell. I do fancy myself a good public execution every once in a while. *sips coke*

Dark Knight: Me too. I just love watching people suffer… TEE HEE!

Avi: No, no, no! The idea is to save Hangman from such a cruel fate! And he can only be saved if one utters the magic word…

*Avi produces a marker, and begins drawing on the wall.*

_ _ _ _ _

Avi: Alright, class. The category is “food.” Guess one letter at a time, 123go!

*There is a brief silence. Evidentally, most of the team aren’t even interested in playing.*

Majin: *snores, while passed out atop the table*

Avi: Why, yes! There are two Z’s!

_ _ Z Z _

Metabad: Yo, be right back you guys, I gots to go peeeeeeee… *rawks his way to the restroom*

Avi: One “P!”

P _ Z Z _

Dark Knight: “R.”

Avi: …Ack! Watch it! *draws Hangman’s head on the gallows* Please, only two more letters to go! You can still save the poor guy…

Rebel: “Q.”

Avi: NO! Please, be serious! Hangman’s life is depending on your guesses, people!

Rebel: “No”, you say? There is a Q. There is because I say so. Leader privileges and all that. *grins fiendishly*

Avi: *drawing Hangman’s torso* …Be serious, boy! Do you honestly think there is a “Q” is “PIZZA”?!

Rebel: Yes. Now be a good little follower and put that Q up there!

Avi: Mumble mumble… *draws a line on the end of Hangman’s circular torso, to make it look like a “Q”*

Shadowstrike: Wow, you gave Hangman a whole extra limb for one wrong guess? You must really want him dead!

Avi: *looks at her Q, then back at Rebel* You-you’re tricking me into killing Hangman… aren’t you… you monster…!

Rebel: *sips coke in the most suspiciously innocent fashion possible*

Shadowstrike: Oh, and I know what the answer is. POTATO!

Dark Knight: No, it’s POP CORN!

Majin: …beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeer…

Avi: …What’s wrong with you people? I thought that I was the delusional one ’round here!

Sean: You know, in Hangman, when you guess the whole word wrong… don’t you think you should add a limb for each wrong letter? Sure, Shadow got the A, and we already have the P, but the rest of the letters make… 7 incorrect guesses.

Outlaw: Oooooh… alas, poor Hangman, I knew ye well. …Can I have his remains?

Avi: … *twitch*

Sean: What? Outlaw’s eaten worse before.

Avi: … *turns red*

Everyone else: …

Avi: …DO YOU INSOLENT CHILDREN NOT UNDERSTAND? HANGMAN IS NO MERE GAME. AN INNOCENT LIFE WAS AT STAKE, AND YOU LET HIM DIE WITH YOUR SHEER LACK OF COMMON SENSE. YOU’RE ALL A BUNCH OF BLOODTHIRSTY MURDERERS, YOU HEAR?! I HOPE YOU’RE ALL HAPPY WITH YOURSELVES, AND I HOPE YOU ALL ROT IN HELL. AND WHEN YOU?RE THERE, I HOPE YOU RUN INTO THE HANGMAN YOU JUST KILLED SO YOU CAN SEE HIS SORROW FOR YOURSELF–yeah, I’m pretty sure you’ll find him in hell, seeing as how he was at the gallows that would suggest he committed some sort of offense that would no doubt warrant capital punishment–but um… wait, did I just contradict myself? Who cares. Because you’re all monsters and I never want to see any of you ever again!! *flies away*

*Later, at the graveyard…*

Avi: *finishes scribbling on one of the graves* All done… rest easy, sweet prince…

Here lies
Green Biker Dude HANGMAN
21XX – 21XX

The End

Series Five Prologue

January 30, 2015

*Written by Rebel4000*

*Note: These are going to be the last few epilogues for the C:IA. Series five was never completed. I still have some extra content we did  but after that we will have to say farewell to the Code: Island Attackers*

*It had been several months since the CIA managed to finally defeat Yuber. Although such an event had caused much relief and even celebration, due to the CIA losing Void Darkheart to events prior caused tensions to run extremely high, resulting in such feelings to be short-lived. It was due to this that a decision was finally met…*

Sean: *packing his belongings when he hears a knock on the door* Come in!

Outlaw: *enters* Heya Sean buddy.

Sean: Oh… hey Outlaw.

Outlaw: Um… you sure you really want to do this?

Sean: …Yeah. The team hasn’t really been the same since Void left… and we haven’t really accomplished much since Yuber.

Outlaw: Well, I’m not certain if the others will say it, but I will miss you, man.

Sean: Same here… I hope the modifications I made on the hyper forms will help, though.

Outlaw: I’m surprised you actually did it. I mean, it was Void’s greatest invention. Kinda seems like we are erasing his memory almost by doing so…

Sean: It was Rebel’s idea. I wasn’t really keen on it, but he pretty much FORCED me to do it. Which is another reason why I’m leaving.

Outlaw: Don’t let boss bug’s words get to ya, Sean.

Sean: No, I’m serious, Outlaw. He has really gone down the drain and his behavior is really unacceptable. Plus getting shocked every single hour is starting to really get on my nerves.

Outlaw: Yeah… sorry ’bout that…

Sean: Eh, there really isn’t much need to apologize. You’ve never purposefully tried to activate my curse, anyway. But I am serious about Rebel, though; he’s become extremely moody and to be honest, I’m actually scared to even be near him. Like, he could snap at any moment over anything.

Outlaw: …

Sean: Anyway, I am pretty much done packing. I think I will let myself off…

Outlaw: Okay…

*The team had slowly started to break away, one by one. The even worse part was, no one really seemed to care… save for Outlaw.*

Outlaw: *in front of Rebel’s room* Here we go… *enters* Boss bug…?

Rebel: *watching TV with a Coke in hand* …

Outlaw: Boss bug, ya there?

Rebel: …What?

Outlaw: Um… Sean left.

Rebel: Hmph, that so? Well good riddance. We don’t need a loser like him anyway. *drinks Coke*

Outlaw: C’mon man, don’t say that! We shouldn’t be letting people go like this! Dark Knight has already disappeared… he didn’t even give a warning. Now Sean… We should do something to get the team motivated again.

Rebel: *annoyed* Like what?

Outlaw: Like, uh… fight crime? Like we used to do–

Rebel: Outlaw.

Outlaw: Yeah?

Rebel: I think I’m tired of fighting crime.

Outlaw: What?

Rebel: I’m tired of it. I don’t want anything to do with it.

Outlaw: But you haven’t even tried doing so! Ever since Yuber you’ve lost all of your drive and motivation to do anything!

Rebel: Because I got my revenge… and that’s all I needed. So now I’m done.

Outlaw: Void would be sad to hear this–

Rebel: Don’t you dare mention that damn name to me!

Outlaw: …Sorry…

Rebel: Ugh… *drinks Coke* Just get out.

Outlaw: But boss bug…

Rebel: I said get out! Leave me alone.

Outlaw: Fine…

*A few days later…*

Rebel: He WHAT!?

Metabad: Outlaw flew the coop, dude. He just said he was gonna “live the dream” and hopped off the ship.

Rebel: That… damn traitor! How could he!? I WILL KILL HIM!!

Majin: burrrrp dont werry 2 much bout it rrrreb

Rebel: Majin, shut the Hell up! You stupid drunk!

Majin: rooooo…

Metabad: Whoa, no need to be so angry, dude. Rawkers have no need for teh angerz, remember?

Rebel: Metabad, you shut up too!

Metabad: B-but we’re rawk buddies… of the Super Awesome Fighting Force–

Rebel: SCREW THE SUPER AWESOME FIGHTING FORCE!!

Metabad: Wha… what…?

Rebel: Jesus, you are so annoying sometimes! I can’t believe I even bothered picking you up when we were searching for replacements*!

*See Series 2, Epilogue #22 “Dissed in the Digital World (part 2)”

Majin and Metabad: …

Rebel: Replacements… yeah, that’s what all of you guys are! Just some stupid replacements! Well I don’t need you! I DON’T NEED ANY OF YOU!!

Shadowstrike: *enters the room* ALL OF YOU BE QUIET, I’M TRYING TO PILOT!!

Rebel: WHO’RE YOU YELLING AT!?

Metabad: HEY DON’T YELL AROUND ME!!

Majin: WAZ DIS BOUT YO!?

Rebel: I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TWO TO SHUT IT!?

Shadowstrike: Reb, don’t you even DARE tell us what to do! I’ve had it up to HERE with your mouth! *gestures*

Rebel: Oh yeah!? Well too bad! I’ll say whatever I wanna say ’cause this is MY ship!

Metabad: I thought it was all ours?

Rebel: Hah, like I’d give you guys anything!? Don’t make me laugh!

Majin: im a sad majin… rooo…

Rebel: So yeah, this is MY ship and if you don’t like it, then why don’t you all just the Hell out?

Shadowstrike: Why should WE get out? If anything you’re the one who is most deserving!

Rebel: Didn’t you just hear!? I said this was my ship! So it belongs to me! M-E!

Shadowstrike: Not if I force you out!

Rebel: Say what–

Shadowstrike: *grabs Rebel*

Majin and Metabad: !?

Rebel: *gets lifted off the ground* Wh-what the Hell are you doing!? I’m your leader… you can’t do this to me…!

Shadowstrike: Oh, shut up. *opens an emergency door*

Rebel: *feels the air pull* Sh-Shadow… Wait a second! Think about what you are doing!

Shadowstrike: Oh, I know perfectly well what I’m doing… *let’s go of Rebel*

Rebel: *gets sucked out of the ship* NOOOOOOoooo…

Shadowstrike: THAT’S WHAT YOU GET FOR MAKING FUN OF ME AND MY BUCKETS!! *closes the door*

Metabad: D-dude… did you just kill Rebel!?

Majin: me a scared widdle spongey-wungey

Shadowstrike: Who the heck cares if I killed him or not? I sure don’t!

Metabad: But that was totally unrawkin’! It was like… everything that was not rawkin’, rolled into a ball!

Shadowstrike: Man, are you still talking about rawkin’ after all this!? What the Hell is wrong with you!?

Metabad: GOOD SIR, I DO NOT APPROVE OF YOUR ACTIONS!! *turns to leave*

Shadowstrike: Where are you going!?

Metabad: To find Reb. I dunno about you, but I’m not ready to give up on him! *leaves*

Shadowstrike: Fine, then leave. AT LEAST I STILL HAVE MAJIN!! Right, Majin?

Majin: FLIPPERS WAIT FOR TEH PORCUPINES *starts flopping like a fish and leaves*

Shadowstrike: M-Majin!?

*And like that, the members of the CIA had all gone their own ways, none of them looking back. The only person who appeared to stay onboard the Whale King was Shadow, who simply walked back to the controls to steer the ship.*

Shadowstrike: …So, this is how it ends, huh? Never thought it would be so… quiet.

Dark Knight: *falls through the ventilation shaft* Finally found that damn sock! It eluded me for WEEKS!!

Shadowstrike: God damn it.

The End

The Immortal Evil

January 24, 2015

*Written by Outlaw88*

*At an unknown location, The Rat and his crew are relaxing by a fire. One that is fueled by the remains of a town they went through.*

The Rat: That was fun. I sure hope the next place we come to puts up more of a fight. This last one was too easy.

Dead Man: …

R.O.B.: Beep.

The Rat: I wonder if there are any hamsters I can throw in the fire?

Yuber: You’ve done well Rat.

The Rat: Whose there?!

*The Rat is now fully alert. He is looking for the source of the voice. Yuber appears in the fire and leaps in front of the trio.*

The Rat: Oh, it’s you. What do you want?

Yuber: You have surpassed all my expectations; a true vessel of destruction and despair.

The Rat: I’ll ask only once more; what do you want?!

Yuber: You are the perfect choice to round out my dark force. It is time for you to repay your debt to me.

The Rat: I don’t own you anything.

Yuber: I brought you back.

The Rat: Then consider that opening Pandora’s Box. I do things my way, and my way only. I take orders from no one!

*Yuber chuckles at this remark.*

The Rat: Think that’s funny huh? Well as my way of “paying you back,” I’m going to give you a count of three before I blow your head off.

Yuber: I don’t think you understand, Rat.

The Rat: THREE!

*The Rat fires a blast from his arm cannon. Yuber disappears and shows up in a different spot. The Rat shoots at him each time he reappears to no avail.*

Yuber: As I said…

The Rat: STAY STILL!

Yuber: You don’t understand.

*Yuber appears right behind The Rat and places a hand on his shoulder. The Rat becomes immobile.*

Yuber: You also don’t have a choice.

*A dark cloud engulfs The Rat.*

The Rat: AHHHHH!

Dead Man: …

R.O.B.: Beep.

*The cloud has now gone. The Rat stands with his head bowed. Yuber walks to the front of him.*

Yuber: That took a bit more power than I thought, but you are now ready to be my second general.

The Rat: Yes.

*Yuber casts a glance at Dead Man and R.O.B. Nega emerges from the shadows.*

Yuber: We don’t need your services. Your friend here just got a massive power boost. No one will be able to stop him now.

The Rat: Yes.

Nega: Do you want me to destroy those two?

Yuber: No need to waste your time on them.

Nega: How close until we are ready?

Yuber: Taking control of our new friend took more out of me than I had anticipated. I need to recover before I can create the rest of our army. Once I do we will be unstoppable.

Nega: I can’t wait.

*Yuber, Nega, and The Rat vanish.*

Dead Man: …

R.O.B.: Beep.

*We join our hero’s in their home base, the Whale King. It is on the ground and each member of the C:IA is doing their own thing. There is a downhearted feeling among the team and tensions are high.*

Majin: Does you have me lolli? I’zzzz gon use it as a stir thing. Swizzle!

Shadowstrike: What makes you think I’d want anything you touched? No, I don’t have your lollipop. Go bother someone else.

Majin: Ohhhhhkay Mr. long neck slinky man!

Shadowstrike: “Slinky man?”

Majin: Hey…Fish stick guy!

Dark Knight: Are you talking to me?

Majin: Ya. You haz lolz?

Metabad: The LOLZ? I gots them! LOL!

Majin: No, no. I needz the swizzle. THE SWIZZLE! I tink it was can be cherry. Had gum in it too.

Dark Knight: Ohhh. You mean candy. Yeah I ate that already.

Metabad: He gave me the gum!

Shadowstrike: Wait, so he gave you the stuff that was in the center of the thing he had in his mouth all day?

Metabad: Yeah! It RAWKED!

Shadowstrike: You guys make my head hurt. Can’t this discussion be somewhere other than near me?

Majin: You…ate the flavor maker?

Dark Knight: Yup.

Majin: You haz…The chewy?

Metabad: Yup, yup!

Majin: MOOOOO!

*Majin dives at them. They begin to fight.*

Shadowstrike: I’m going to leave now.

Dark Knight: Just don’t crash the ship again!

Shadowstrike: THAT DOES IT!

*Shadow joins the melee. Outlaw walks in.*

Outlaw: Hey guys! You want to watch a… Oh you’re fighting. I’ll wait.

Sean: What’s going on?

Outlaw: They’re fighting again.

Sean: What happened this time?

Outlaw: Don’t know. Want to watch a movie?

Sean: Which one?

Outlaw: I was thinking we could watch Memento for a start then something fun like The Brave Little Toaster!

Sean: Dude, those movies are stupid.

Outlaw: They are not!!!

Sean: You’re too easily amused!

Outlaw: You have poor taste!

Sean: Do not!

Outlaw: Do too!

*They continue to argue all while the fight between DK, Metabad, Shadow, and Majin rages on. Suddenly Rebel enters the room.*

Rebel: EVERYBODY SHUT THE FUCK UP!

*Everyone freezes. Rebel goes over to the couch, opens a Coke and slumps down.*

Metabad: Rebel! He hit me!

Rebel: I’m not your mother. I don’t give a damn if you beat the hell out of each other, just quit with all the noise.

Sean: You alright?

Rebel: Of course I’m not alright! I’m pissed off! Plus I was thinking.

Shadowstrike: *Under his breath* Bet that hurt.

Rebel: What was that?!

Shadowstrike: Nothing.

Outlaw: What had you thinking? Was it about Void?

Rebel: …Yeah. I was trying to think of how all this got started. Why did events like this have to happen? Then it dawned on me. Things started to go downhill for us when we met Yuber.

*At the mention of this name the group becomes serious. They nod in agreement to this.*

Sean: But what can we do about it? We don’t know where he is; he’s super fast and powerful and always finds us first. And even if we got lucky and hit him with anything, he’s immortal.

Shadowstrike: Not to mention he can create monsters on a whim.

Outlaw: And he has Nega on his side…

Rebel: I know. But there has got to be a way to defeat him. Last time we saw him he said he wouldn’t come after us until he was completely ready. I could only guess what and when that might be, but if we wait for it we won’t stand a chance.

???: You are absolutely correct.

*The team is startled by this strange voice. They prepare themselves for anything. A large form appears in front of them. It appears to be a man, clothed in black armor. His face is hidden.*

Rebel: Who are you?! What do you want with us?

Pesmerga: I am the black knight, Pesmerga and I am here to assist you in your quest.

Dark Knight: Hey, I’m the Dark Knight!

Majin: It’s only a flesh wound… *Hic*

Sean: Shut up you two!

Shadowstrike: Why do you want to help us?

Outlaw: And how can you do it?

Pesmerga: I have been pursuing Yuber for centuries; he has to answer for all the crimes he has committed.

Metabad: Centuries?! Duuuuude, you must him must be like…Super old.

Pesmerga: More than you will ever know.

Majin: Bidoof…

Rebel: So you’ve been hunting him for a long time; that doesn’t explain how and why you’re going to help us.

Pesmerga: I can take you to where Yuber is. He just recently used a large amount of power and won’t be able to make the monsters that would make up his army until he recovers it. I was able to locate him to this dimension, and I know where he would be. As for the why, that is simple. He is my enemy as he is yours. This is the perfect time for you to strike and it can only be done with my help.

Outlaw: Sounds like a plan to me.

Sean: Wait. Why did Yuber use a large amount of his power?

Dark Knight: Hey, yeah! Is this some kind of trap or something?

Shadowstrike: If it was a trap he wouldn’t have told us anything.

Dark Knight: But still!! We could be headed to our…DOOM!

Majin: Doomy doomy doom!

Pesmerga: I’m not entirely sure what his purpose was. He isn’t at full strength and that is what matters most.

Sean: Figures. Look, we’ve been through a lot of crap in the past and I just can’t trust someone who just appears in front of us. What’s the deal between you and Yuber?

Pesmerga: Hmmm…

Shadowstrike: Well?

Pesmerga: I can’t tell you all the details as it would be beyond your understanding. Yuber has been a source of misery and despair and it was assigned to me the task of stopping him. He was once a part of a higher order and wore armor similar to mine but he went rouge and betrayed those who once trusted him.

Metabad: So he didn’t RAWK?

Pesmerga: No.

Shadowstrike: What “higher order” are you talking about?

Pesmerga: I cannot say.

Dark Knight: This sounds way over my head man. Are you and he, like, cosmic beings or something? Yuber said he was a demon. Does that make you one as well?

Pesmerga: He and I are not alike. Beyond that I’m afraid I can say no more on the subject.

Majin: Hey…. Do any of yooz guyz see da creepy guy here? Him and dat pink elephant is makin me head go woop woop woooob.

*Rebel bops Majin on the head.*

Rebel: I don’t care either way. You can take us to Yuber and you say he’s in a weakened state. That’s more than enough reason for me to go.

Outlaw: I’m with ya boss bug!

Metabad: YEAH! We’ll kick his butt old school cuz we RAWK like chicken nuggets!

Sean: I wish you would stop talking. Anyway I don’t agree with this. Even with these conditions, it doesn’t change the fact that Yuber is immortal.

Pesmerga: Leave that detail to me. I assure you that if you choose to face Yuber now you will stand the best chance you will ever get. If you refuse my offer you will surely die at his hands. Are you up to this fight?

*After a bit more debating and some thought the team agrees to go face Yuber.*

Shadowstrike: Ok Pesmerga, just tell me where to go and I’ll get the Whale King going.

Pesmerga: That won’t be necessary. Where we are going is neither here nor anywhere.

Metabad: Wut?

Majin: Doez you mean…The inbetween?

Rebel: Stop being stupid.

Pesmerga: Actually, he’s right.

Dark Knight: No way! Majin was right about something?! The world must be ending.

Sean: I’ve heard of this. It’s a place that lies in between worlds and can act as a gateway to other places. Supposedly it’s just an empty void.

Rebel: Don’t say that word now.

Sean: Sorry.

Outlaw: Majin, have you been there dude?

Majin: Yuh.

Pesmerga: That is where he is, and that is where we must go.

*Pesmerga raises his hand. A swirling vortex appears.*

Pesmerga: Are you ready?

Rebel: Let’s do this, guys!

Shadowstrike: For the C:IA!

Outlaw: For Void!

Sean: For everyone Yuber has hurt!

Metabad: For kicking his ass!

Majin: Four more beers would be good.

Dark Knight: For… I can’t think of anything cool to say. Let’s kill us some demon scum!

*They enter the vortex.*

Outlaw: This feels so funky.

Majin: Da tingles be over soon.

*They arrive to the world that lies in between all others. It is a land that is mostly in shadow. There are various paths that lead to other worlds.*

Sean: Never thought I’d see this place.

Majin: Zoomzoomzoom…

Rebel: So where do we need to go?

Pesmerga: Forward.

Rebel: Forward huh, nothing else to add to that? Maybe we should we limit ourselves to one word sentences now.

*Pesmerga glares at Rebel.*

Rebel: Never mind.

Shadowstrike: Anyone else getting the creeps?

Dark Knight: From Pesmerga or this weird place?

Shadowstrike: Both.

Metabad: Hey Outlaw, think that crazy chick is here?

Sean: Dude!

Outlaw: Only one way to find out I guess.

Rebel: Is this going to be an issue with you if the worst should happen?

Outlaw: No, I can handle this.

Shadowstrike: How much further?

Pesmerga: It won’t be long now. Yuber will no doubt have sensed us.

*Elsewhere: Yuber is hovering in a meditative state high in the air. The Rat and Nega are staring at each other. Nega is looking at him in disgust. The Rat doesn’t seem to care.*

Nega: If we weren’t working together I’d probably kill you.

The Rat: Same goes double for you. You had better hope that you don’t get demoted because I’ll show you no mercy.

Nega: It doesn’t matter. Once our master has made our army we will have our own troops to lead. I won’t have to look at your ugly face as much as I have to now.

*The Rat gives her a grin. He then makes the throat cut gesture at her.*

Nega: Is that a threat?

The Rat: No, just a warning. Don’t mess with me bitch, and don’t get in my way.

*Yuber pays them no mind. He is busy collecting his energy. Suddenly his concentration is disrupted. He feels the presence of the C:IA. He lands in front of his generals.*

Yuber: We have company.

Nega: Is it them? How could they have found us here?

Yuber: I think an old friend of mine is with them. He must be banking on the fact that I’m not 100%. But he doesn’t know what he’s getting himself into. We need to deal with them now.

Nega: But we don’t have our army!

Yuber: No matter. We should be able to take care of things ourselves. I won’t have my plans stopped now.

The Rat: Let me at them first! I’ll make sure they never bother us again.

Yuber: So be it. Come, it’s time to show our faces to our guests.

*The trio vanishes. Back with the C:IA the team continues to walk. The path they are on seems to stretch for eternity and the surrounding area seems limitless. There are rock formations here and there, but the land is lifeless.*

Dark Knight: What a dull place.

Shadowstrike: Where the heck are we going anyway? I don’t see an end to this path.

Sean: I don’t think there is an end.

*Yuber appears.*

Yuber: That is where you are wrong. It all ends here for you.

Pesmerga: It’s about time you showed yourself Yuber. Today we finish things once and for all.

Yuber: Hello Pesmerga. You’ve finally caught up with me, and you even brought the loser squad.

Rebel: Real clever. I’ll bet you won’t be so funny when I kick your teeth down your throat!

Yuber: I doubt you’ll get the chance. Let me introduce you to my generals Pesmerga. This mistress of the sword is Nega.

*Nega appears. *

Nega: There is no hope for you.

Yuber: And the ultimate fighting machine; The Rat.

*The Rat appears.*

The Rat: Miss me Island Attackers?

Shadowstrike: Aw crap.

Dark Knight: Not you again!

Majin: Oh teh noez!

Sean: He must be what Yuber used his energy on.

Outlaw: As if he wasn’t tough enough already…

Yuber: They’re all yours Rat.

*Yuber and Nega vanish. *

The Rat: No distractions or crazy shovel guys to save you now. When I’m done there won’t be anything left to bury.

Rebel: Big talk from a small fry. C:IA!

*Rebel opens a can of Coke and begins to chug. The rest of the team prepare for battle.*

The Rat: Bring it.

*Rebel finishes his drink and crushes the can. *

Rebel: KICK HIS ASS!

*Shadow is the first to take action. He races towards the Rat and lands a powerful punch. The Rat rebounds and sends a flurry of energy blasts at Shadow and the rest of the team. Majin is hit and sent back but the others are able to dodge.*

Majin: Owie!

Sean: You ok?

Majin: Yuh. Me throw vine now!

*Majin whips and electrified vine at The Rat but misses. The Rat is in constant motion as he’s jumping, running and firing his weapons non-stop.*

Dark Knight: He’s a lot faster this time around.

*Metabad is flung back hard. Outlaw manages to catch him before he lands on his head.*

Metabad: His stuff hurts more too.

Outlaw: Anytime you want to step in and help is fine with us, Pesmerga.

Pesmerga: This is not my fight.

Rebel: WHAT?!

Pesmerga: My business is with Yuber and Yuber alone.

Shadowstrike: Great.

Rebel: Forget him. We handle this our way. Lets show this rabies factory who we are!

Outlaw, Majin, Shadowstrike, Metabad, Dark Knight, and Sean: YEAH!

*The team couldn’t stay still for long as a large blast forced them to separate.*

The Rat: Keep running! It makes it more fun for me!

Dark Knight: I really hate this guy.

Outlaw: Take this!

*Outlaw fires a spin wheel at The Rat, who easily jumps out of the way. However he jumps right into the vine Majin has thrown and is slammed down to the ground where Shadow unleashes a barrage of sonic slicers.*

Rebel: Good job guys!

The Rat: Good, but not enough to stop me!

*The Rat quickens his pace. He is now landing far more blows on the team and they are slowing down and getting beat up. Sean is returning fire but is unable to hit his target.*

Sean: This is getting us nowhere.

*Rebel has a bit more luck with his magnet mines. They are hitting The Rat but he is shrugging it off like it was nothing.*

The Rat: Are you even trying? This is too easy!

Shadowstrike: You won’t be laughing after this! Metabad, do your thing!

*Metabad fires a speed burner. Shadow runs with the flame giving it far more power and momentum. He stops and fires a sonic slicer into the wave of fire causing it to become a hyper flame attack. This knocks The Rat back several feet. *

Metabad: YEAH! RAWKIN!

Dark Knight: Did that do it?

Majin: Da mousey go bye?

*Before anyone can answer they have to scramble out of the way of another blast.*

The Rat: Now I’m pissed! I’m going to do what I should have done the first time around!

*The Rat begins to charge up his main gun. His added power is causing him to glow and send off waves of energy, pushing the Island Attackers back.*

Outlaw: This is so not cool.

Shadowstrike: There’s no way we can tell how big and fast that shot will be! This could be the end you guys.

Rebel: Not yet.

Metabad: Wut?

Rebel: Get ready Sean, just like we talked about.

Sean: I’m ready.

Dark Knight: You actually have a plan for this?

Majin: Wow.

The Rat: DIE!

*The Rat points his arm cannon at the team. Before he has a chance to fire, however, Sean fires a crystal and is immediately followed by an explosive mine from Rebel. The shot is rocketed towards The Rat and has become smaller. The crystal slams inside The Rat’s arm cannon just as he is about to fire. The energy is stopped.*

Sean: Perfect shot!

The Rat: SHIT!

*The energy backfires on The Rat. His body can’t take it and splits him into several pieces in a massive explosion.*

Rebel, Outlaw, Majin, Shadowstrike, Metabad, Dark Knight, and Sean: WOOOOO!!!

Outlaw: We did it!

Dark Knight: That was so kickass-awesome!

Shadowstrike: How did you guys come up with that?

Rebel: It was one of Void’s ideas. Figured I would give it a try.

Sean: I can’t believe how well that worked.

Pesmerga: Well done.

Rebel: No thanks to you.

Pesmerga: There is one more thing to do.

*Pesmerga walks over to the upper torso of The Rat. He holds out his hand. A moment later the dark cloud of evil rises and collects into a ball of energy. Pesmerga closes his hand around it and extinguishes it.*

Pesmerga: Yuber won’t be getting this back.

Metabad: Was that, like, the evil?

Dark Knight: Some kind of power or something?

Pesmerga: Yes, you could say that.

The Rat: Heh….Heh….Heh…

Outlaw: You’re still alive?! Damn you are tough.

The Rat: You’d….you’d better…..kill…kill me now…Cuz…I’ll make it my….life’s goal…to…

*The Rat tries to move but is far too damaged.*

The Rat: KILL YOU!

Rebel: Guess we should do as he says.

*Rebel is about to stomp The Rat’s head but The Rat fades away before he could do it.*

Dark Knight: What the hell?

Pesmerga: His part in this battle is over. Once the dark energy is gone Yuber’s influence and hold on him is lifted and he is sent back to your world.

Majin: Suck. Rebel almost did head stompy! Me wanted to see dat…

Pesmerga: It is time we move on.

Outlaw: Hold on a sec. We need a bit to recover.

Shadowstrike: Yeah. This must be part of the plot. Get us all beat up before we get to Yuber so we won’t stand a chance.

Pesmerga: Ah, I almost forgot.

*Pesmerga raises his hand. A healing light envelopes the team and fully recovers them. It even manages to take some of the beer buzz from Majin, making him a bit more coherent.*

Sean: That was handy.

Metabad: Dude! You RAWK man! I feel great!

Rebel: I take it back dark man, you’re a big help.

Pesmerga: Let’s move on.

*The team resumes their journey. In another location, Yuber is furious.*

Yuber: Damn them! DAMN THEM!

Nega: I knew the rodent couldn’t handle it. He was too erratic to be your general anyway.

Yuber: It’s your turn then. Don’t disappoint me.

Nega: They won’t know what hit them.

*Nega vanishes. Back with the C:IA.*

Outlaw: Hey, Pesmerga?

Pesmerga: Hmm?

Outlaw: Can you take that dark stuff out of someone before we fight them?

Pesmerga: No. Once in use it cannot be removed until the host has been weakened. Just how weak the person has to be depends on the amount of power being used.

Outlaw: Oh…

Shadowstrike: You still want to save her, dude?

Dark Knight: You hardly know her.

Outlaw: I’ve got to try.

Rebel: Just remember why we’re here.

Sean: We can try too, but we make no guarantees.

Outlaw: I understand. Thanks guys.

Majin: Youz welcome!

Metabad: Yeah dude, we’ll take that chick down hardcore!

Shadowstrike: You’re not helping.

*Nega appears.*

Nega: Hello boys.

*She ignites her beam saber.*

Rebel: I take it your boss isn’t too happy about losing is he?

*Rebel also ignites his saber. The rest of the team gets ready.*

Nega: I’m glad you got rid of that lunatic. But you won’t get by me.

Outlaw: Nega…

Nega: I’m sorry we didn’t get to finish our date, smelly-one. Maybe you’d like a taste of this for dessert!!!

*Nega slashes her saber and sends a wave of energy at the team. They are able to dodge and the battle begins.*

Nega: Keeping your distance won’t do you any good!

*Nega fires her arm cannon at the team and slashes at anyone who gets in close.*

Metabad: I be burnin!

*Metabad fires a speed burner but it is slashed to bits. Nega runs at him but is blocked by a bunch of spin wheels thrown at her. She slashes her saber at Outlaw who is shoved out of the way by Shadow.*

Sean: We need to get that sword away from her.

Rebel: Leave that to me.

*Rebel runs in close and slashes at Nega. She ducks. They have a stare down.*

Rebel: Let’s duel!

Nega: Fine. Your funeral.

*They cross swords at an intense pace. The rest of the team can only watch as anything they fire would hit Rebel right along with Nega. As the two of them slash and dodge it starts to become apparent that Nega is far better with the beam saber than Rebel. *

Nega: Is this all you got?

Rebel: I’m just getting warmed up!

*The intensity rises and each is slashing at an incredible pace and showing a tremendous amount of strength. However Rebel begins to show signs that he can’t continue at this speed and pace.*

Nega: Time to end this little game.

* Nega slices off the top of Rebel’s weapon, destroying it.*

Nega: So much for that.

Rebel: Totally worth it.

Nega: Huh?

*She now sees a magnet mine attached to her own saber. It explodes in her hand.*

Majin: WOOO!

Metabad: YEAH! Deception RAWKS!

Rebel: Good thing I have more of those at home. Now we stand a better chance of beating her.

Nega: I don’t need a weapon to destroy you! I can do it with my bare hands!

Dark Knight: Look out!

*Nega dashes at the team and lands many kicks and punches. She is very quick and nimble and is able to avoid and counter the C:IA’s attacks. Because they are now so close together they once again can’t fire their weapons without hitting each other.*

Sean: I wasn’t expecting this!

*He gets punched in the face.*

Shadowstrike: We need some separation here people.

*He is kicked hard in the gut.*

Outlaw: Hey Rebel, let’s do that thing!

Rebel: What?!

Outlaw: You know. That thing!

*Outlaw points at his tail. Rebel nods.*

Rebel: Now I get ya. That thing!

*As Nega dives at them, Rebel and Outlaw spin in place and just as Nega gets near they slam her with their tails sending her flying.*

Metabad: I got the follow up!

Sean: Hey, what are you…

*Metabad kicks Sean and sends him zooming at Nega. He hits her shell first, knocking her down.*

Shadowstrike: GOAL!

Dark Knight: Ten points dude!

Majin: YOU SUNK MY BATTLESHIP!

Sean: I hate you all so much that it hurts me inside.

Metabad: Hey it worked right?

Rebel: Ok, now that we got some distance, let’s stay far enough away so that she can’t do that again.

*Nega gets up and shakes her head. She sees that the C:IA has spread out. *

Nega: I’m Impressed. Don’t Let’s Start.

Outlaw: !!!!!

*Nega looks confused by her words. *

Dark Knight: What’s up Outlaw?

Outlaw: That was TMBG!

Nega: It was nonsense!

*Nega fires a blast at Metabad. He wasn’t expecting it and takes a hit. Nega is now dashing here and there fighting with whoever gets close while dodging attacks and firing blasts of her own. *

Rebel: It’s time we step it up guys!

Metabad: Super Awesome Fighting Force Go!!!

*Rebel and Metabad combine their weapons to create the fire bomb technique. This catches Nega off guard and sends her towards Sean, DK and Shadow.*

Shadowstrike: Our turn!

*The three of them combine their weapons. The bubbles encase the crystal Sean made and when hit with a sonic slicer sends a barrage of shards and energy at Nega. She is flung towards Majin.*

Majin: Whip it good!

*Majin hits her full force with his vine. She is sent towards Outlaw. *

Rebel: Outlaw! Finish this!

Outlaw: Um. Um…

Dark Knight: You’ve got to do it!

*Outlaw is visibly upset. He lets out a yell and punches with all his might. There is a blinding light from the impact. When everyone can see again they are stunned by what has happened. Outlaw’s punch went through Nega’s body. There is a large hole in her chest. Outlaw gently places her on the ground.*

Outlaw: Pesmerga!

Pesmerga: That will do.

*Pesmerga hold out his hand over Nega. The dark energy rises up from her and again forms into a ball. Pesmerga grips it and extinguishes it.*

Shadowstrike: You did it Outlaw.

Sean: Man that was one hell of a punch.

Nega: Uhh… Outlaw?

Outlaw: Nega! I’m so sorry!

*Outlaw holds her up.*

Rebel: We had no choice, Nega.

Nega: It’s ok. This was my fate for choosing the darkness.

Outlaw: Nega, I wanted to save you. I’ve failed you…

Nega: You did save me. Outlaw, no one has ever shown me true kindness, no one ever cared for me. You did that. Thank you.

*Nega starts to lose consciousness. She is badly damaged.*

Outlaw: Nega!

Nega: Thank….You…

*Nega fades away.*

Pesmerga: No time to dwell on this. It has been done. Yuber is all that is left to deal with.

Dark Knight: Don’t worry Outlaw; I’m sure she’ll be ok. After all, she is a Zero clone.

Outlaw: *Sniff*

Metabad: Dude?

Outlaw: I’m ready to finish this! Yuber is going down!

Majin: Down to da pound!

Rebel: Ok Pesmerga, heal us up. We’re going to show Yuber why he doesn’t mess with us!

*Pesmerga does so.*

Shadowstrike: Do we have any plan for this?

Sean: It’s kinda hard to plan for a guy like Yuber.

*Rebel takes out a Coke and starts to drink.*

Rebel: All I know is…*glug* Combo moves seem to be working great.

Majin: Oh yes, I’d like a combo meal.

*Rebel bops Majin on the head. He then finishes his drink.*

Dark Knight: I say we just go all out and hold nothing back.

Sean: This is a first. I actually agree with you.

Pesmerga: Onward.

*The team resumes their journey. In another location Yuber is furious.*

Yuber: NO! NO! NO!

*He hits a nearby boulder which shatters from the impact.*

Yuber: I should have known not to put faith in others. They were the perfect choices and still they failed.

*Yuber smashes another boulder.*

Yuber: Those fools think they stand a chance against me. HA! I’ll show them power. I’ll show them pain. Heh. The C:IA dies today!

*Yuber vanishes. Back with our hero’s there is a sense of both determination and dread. They know that this battle could be their last.*

Metabad: So, uh, dark guy; are you gonna help out on this one or are you…

Pesmerga: LOOK OUT!

*The team scatters just in time to avoid a massive energy blast. Before they can regroup Yuber goes on the attack. He is amazingly fast and is able to land several blows on the team. He then jumps back.*

Yuber: Pathetic.

Majin: Ow.

Sean: Crap!

Shadowstrike: Wasn’t expecting that.

Rebel: Finally had the guts to show yourself huh? This is it for you!

Outlaw: I’ll make you pay for what you did!!!

Yuber: Tough words. Let’s see if you can back it up!

Dark Knight: Here he comes again!

*Yuber once again engages the team in battle. This time around they were ready for him and are able to put up a far better fight. Yuber is fast and is landing lots of hits but he is now on the receiving end as well. *

Yuber: This shouldn’t be happening.

*Majin lands a hard shot with his electrified vines and this is followed up by a strong kick and punch combo by Outlaw and Shadow. This sends Yuber back.*

Yuber: I see you’ve improved since last we met.

Rebel: Being professional ass kickers does that.

Metabad: YEAH! And we totally RAWK!

Sean: How bout we go on the offensive for once?

Dark Knight: Yeah! Let’s show him what we’re made of!

Yuber: Come and get me.

*The C:IA rush at Yuber. Outlaw and Sean are slower than the rest so they provide cover fire by shooting their weapons at Yuber while the rest get in range for close up attacks. Shadow leads the bunch and quickly gets the action started with sonic slicers followed up by fast kicks. Rebel is also hurling magnet mines non-stop while swiping with his tail. Yuber is finding it difficult to avoid everything. Where one attack misses there are three more to avoid. While ducking a vine thrown by Majin he is hit from behind by a speed burner. *

Metabad: RAWKIN!

*Yuber slashes at Metabad but gets slammed by DK’s pincer attack. Yuber counterattacks and sends DK flying. He then powers up and sends energy blasts at the team, hitting Sean Rebel and Majin.*

Yuber: See that Pesmerga?! No one can match my power!

Pesmerga: I’d stop gloating and pay attention if I were you.

Yuber: What?!

*Yuber is hit by a spin wheel which tears into him. He is able to shake it off but due to this he didn’t see Pesmerga who lunges at him. Yuber turns towards him and gets hit hard in the face. This is followed up by a crystal hunter which causes Yuber to stagger. He backs off to catch his breath.*

Rebel: Your face got pwned!

Outlaw: Pwned!! Man, it feels good to be holding our own.

Dark Knight: Yeah, and we’re hitting him way more then we ever have!

Sean: True, but I’m not so sure we’re doing any real damage. That whole immortality thing is still an issue.

Shadowstrike: Why do you always have to be a downer?

Majin: Down low like da chicken limbo.

Metabad: Yeah dude! We’re actually winning!

Yuber: Not for long. I’m done holding back. It’s time I used my Hachifusa Rune!

Majin: Da hoozafuzzle?

Shadowstrike: The hack is a rune?

Sean: Their objects of power. I’ve never heard of this one.

Rebel: Whatever. I’m still going to bash his head in.

*Yuber raises his hand. His body begins to glow with power as the Rune activates. The C:IA get ready for anything but nothing could have prepared them for what they see. Yuber has created a double of himself. Then a third is created. To their horror each new Yuber is creating another. Before they know it they are completely surrounded.*

Dark Knight: Holy crap.

Shadowstrike: We are so screwed.

Outlaw: I’m going down swinging. With any luck I’ll take a few out.

Pesmerga: That won’t be necessary.

Metabad: You got a plan?

Rebel: I sure hope so.

Yuber(s): DIE!!!!

*The mass of Yuber dives at the team. However before they reach the team Pesmerga holds out his sword. Every Yuber is frozen in place in the air and one by one they dissolve until the original is left.*

Majin: Wow.

Yuber: How…is…this…possible?

Pesmerga: You have abused your power and brought nothing but pain and suffering. I was sent to set things right.

Yuber: NO!

*A bright light surrounds the two. *

Rebel: What the hell is going on?!

*Yuber is thrown back. He is slow to get up.*

Pesmerga: It is done.

Metabad: What’s done?

Pesmerga: I think you will find the problem you were worried about has been solved.

Sean: What?!

*Yuber gasps. There is blood dripping from his wounds.*

Pesmerga: He’s mortal now.

Majin: He…Killable?

Dark Knight: What did you do?

Pesmerga: His time as a holder of a true rune is over. The core of his power came from that.

Outlaw: We should have a way easier time defeating him now.

Yuber: I have more then enough power to deal with you!

Pesmerga: He’s all yours.

Rebel: You’ll regret the day you messed with us!

*The C:IA and Yuber run at each other. Yuber still has enough power to send energy blasts at the team but they are noticeably less intense. Outlaw tries his spinning attack but is knocked out of the air and into Metabad. Sean is also knocked down but DK manages to hit Yuber with a bubble splash. Rebel and Shadow double team Yuber and deal a good bit of damage. Once again Yuber backs off. He is now panting and has several more wounds.*

Rebel: Face it, without your rune you don’t stand a chance. You should just stand still so we can blast you back to hell where you belong.

Yuber: You haven’t won yet you miserable insect.

*Yuber holds his swords out in front of him. He focuses all his power into them, making them blaze with energy.*

Yuber: I’LL RIP YOU ALL TO SHREADS!

*Yuber runs at the team with swords on fire with power.*

Rebel: Throw everything you’ve got at him!

*Everyone fires their weapons at once. Each weapon converges at the same point and creates the ultimate attack. An ultra charged beam of explosive power rockets at Yuber. He only has seconds to realize what is about to hit him.*

Yuber: No. NOOOOOO!!!

*Yuber is incinerated. All that is left is a pile of ash.*

Majin: We… Did that?

Dark Knight: Is it finally over?

Sean: I… Think we won.

*There is a brief moment of silence.*

Everyone: YEAH!!!!!

Metabad: We so RAWK!

Shadowstrike: No more Yuber!

Rebel: Think we did good Outlaw?

Outlaw: I think Void would have been proud of us boss bug.

Pesmerga: Well done.

Sean: Thank you Pesmerga.

Shadowstrike: Yeah, without you we never would have stood a chance.

Pesmerga: I have you to thank as well. Yuber had to activate his rune before I could take it away. Had I just shown up he would have run like he always had.

Dark Knight: So what are you going to do with the rune?

Metabad: Can I have it? That would RAWK!

Pesmerga: I am taking it back to the dimension it came from. And it is time for you to return to your world as well.

Outlaw: Here comes that funkiness again.

Rebel: Thanks again Pesmerga.

Majin: WEEEEE!!

*Pesmerga sends them back to their world. He then goes over to the pile of ash. As he stares at it, a dark ball of energy emerges. Before it has a chance to get away Pesmerga crushes it in his hand.*

Pesmerga: Now it is truly done. My long quest is finally at an end. I am in your dept Island Attackers. Should there ever come a day when things look their bleakest I’ll make sure to repay the favor.

*Back at the Whale King, the team reappears.*

Majin: EEEEEEE! Oh… We’re back. Great! Now I can get more beer! That healing thing he did kept mellowing my buzz.

Dark Knight: Oh yeah, about that. I sold your beer stash for an electric kazoo.

Metabad: That was yours? I torched that stupid thing.

*The three of them stare at each other then start their fight anew.*

Shadowstrike: They’ll never learn.

Sean: Like you never learn to be serious and not mess up when you pilot.

Shadowstrike: At least I’m not cursed!

Sean: At least I can manage to stay away from buckets!

*The two of them get into a heated argument.*

Rebel: For Coke’s sakes can’t you guys give me some quite?

Outlaw: “For Coke’s sakes?”

Rebel: Coca-Cola is my religion and you will recognize it as such.

Outlaw: Yuber’s finally gone. It’s tough to believe.

Rebel: Yeah. Good riddance.

Outlaw: Want to get a cherry Coke?

Rebel: Totally.

The End

Complexity

January 21, 2015

*Written by Rebel4000*

*Early one day, the Island Attacker’s ship, the Whale King…*

Void: *sets tools down* There, all finished.

Rebel: *looking in the mirror* Whoa, talk about nice.

Void: Well, the “modifications” you specified for your alternate form pretty much required a complete overhaul. I mean, seriously. Shades?

Rebel: Do you have a problem with shades!?

Void: Well, no–

Rebel: Then shaddup.

Void: …Regardless, you’ll find that this form is far more versatile in both combat and normal activities, should you require it.

Rebel: *smacks Void*

Void: Ow! What the Hell was that for?

Rebel: You forgot to mention how bad ass I look!

Void: Oh… and you look bad ass.

Rebel: Now, there’s just one question…

Void: Yes…?

Rebel: *picks up a can of Coke and looks at his claw hand* How the heck am I supposed to open my Coke?

Void: Use your other hand.

Rebel: That’s stupid. *leaves and goes to the kitchen* Hey guys, how do you suggest I open my Coke with this claw for a hand?

Outlaw: Well, if it were me I’d just eat the thing whole.

Rebel: I’d do that, believe me, but I kinda-sorta lack a mouth.

Shadowstrike: If you don’t have a mouth then how can you drink Coke to begin with?

Rebel: Shadow… you’re not helping…

Shadowstrike: Oh…

Majin: i juz smack dat bad boi *burps*

Dark Knight: Skewer it with my pincers!

Sean: Start drinking something else.

Rebel: No, no, and most definitely NO!! God, why is everyone around here so useless!?

Metabad: Why don’t you just open it with your other hand?

Rebel: Brilliant! *to Void* Why couldn’t you come up with that? Some genius!

Void: *sighs in frustration*

Majin: hic, dun worry 2 much i tink he juz wans 2 ignore up… uv… us *burps in Void’s face*

Void: *shoves Majin out of the way* Yuck! I’m going back to the lab…

Shadowstrike: Again? But you finally came out!

Void: So?

Outlaw: Well… we never see you much these days, Void man.

Dark Knight: Come join us in shocking Sean!

Sean: Um… let’s not.

Void: Sorry, but I’m just too busy for that sort of thing nowadays. With all of these problems coming up, one needs to be prepared.

Dark Knight: What kind of problems?

Outlaw: Probably with the New X-Hunters and Yuber.

Metabad: But d00d, it could always be worse!

Sean: *shocked* A thousand curses upon you!

Void: Well, Metabad, you’re wrong–it is worse right now. Plus, a scientist never sleeps.

Outlaw, Majin, Shadowstrike, Metabad, Dark Knight, Sean: But! But!

Void: Again, sorry. Maybe once things have finally calmed down… *leaves*

Shadowstrike: Man… that sucks.

Rebel: Yeah, yeah, poor old Void has to work. Boohoo.

Metabad: RAWKIN’ IS A LOT HARDER!! *rawks*

Rebel: *rawks*

Shadowstrike: You’re mean.

Rebel: And you just figured that out?

Outlaw: C’mon, let’s not be like this, guys.

Sean: Seriously. As Void said, we’ve got more important things to focus on.

Majin: *has grapes stuck in his nostrils* im grapeman!

Everyone else: …

Majin: *starts dancing* bloopity-bloopity-bloopity-bloopity…

Dark Knight: More important things, huh?

Sean: I don’t even want to hear it.

Majin: bloopity-bloopity-bloopity-bloopity…

Shadowstrike: Someone, please make him stop.

Rebel: Allow me. Hey, Majin–shut up.

Majin: bloopity-bloopity-bloopity-bloopity…

Rebel: … *whacks Majin on the back of the head*

Majin: GHOUGH!! *grapes pop out*

Outlaw: I CALL DIBS!! *dives*

Metabad: NO WAY I SAW THEM FIRST!! *dives*

*While Outlaw and Metabad fight over who would possess the grapes and for what purpose, the doorbells rings.*

Sean: I’ll get it! *walks to the door that leads to the deck* I wonder who it could be? *opens the door*

Byron: Salutations!

Sean: Oh, hey Captain… wait. How did you get on the ship!? And since when do we have a doorbell!?

Byron: Oh, details are unimportant, friend! What is important is that I speak with you and your friends.

Sean: Ohh, no. I want answers!

Byron: *knocks Sean out with his shovel*

Dark Knight: Sean, who is it? *peeks head around the corner* Hey, it’s the captain!

Rebel: *transformed* What? The captain!?

Byron: Hey there, everyone! Been busy fighting for justice since our last meeting?

Rebel: Naturally! That’s all we ever do!

Outlaw: *walks up to Rebel, chewing* Me and Meta dude decided to split the grapes.

Metabad: *chewing* Grapes rawk!

Shadowstrike: But… those were in Majin’s nose.

Majin: *picking his nose* i make me own grapez

Metabad: Hand-made grapes don’t rawk!

Dark Knight: Could be worse.

Sean: *shocked* Yeah, it’s nice to see that you guys care that I was just hit by a shovel. *gets off the floor* I’M FINE, BY THE WAY.

Rebel: *ignoring Sean* So, what brings you all the way up here, Captain?

Byron: Well, you see… I have information concerning… the New X-Hunters.

Everyone else: Really!?

Byron: Yes! The time to assault the fiends at their base of operations is nigh!

Sean: You actually know that much?

Byron: Er… well, no!

Dark Knight: …Didn’t you say you had information?

Byron: Yes! I did!

Outlaw: So, you lied.

Byron: No! I really do. I’m just waiting for Flannery to come with our newest recruits.

Shadowstrike: New recruits?

Byron: Yes! They may not seem like much… but I decided to give them a chance. Plus, they were the ones who had the information on the New X-Hunters.

Metabad: So you guys worked something out? What a rawkin’ idea!

Flannery: WE’RE HERE!!

Byron: Oh, good. There they are!

Flannery: Sorry we took so long… we were busy making sand castles!

Violen: But whenever I touched them they broke apart! *sobs*

Agile: Touch? You were smashing them you big oaf!

Rebel: …What.

Outlaw: Um…

Shadowstrike: What are the Old X-Hunters doing here?

Agile: WHO DARES CALL ME OLD!? HUH!? HUH!?

Shadowstrike: I did.

Agile: …You! *looks at the rest of the team* And you!

Majin: *spinning on one foot* and me and me and me and me and me me me me memememememememeeeee

Byron: Eh? Do you all know each other?

Sean: Er… well, these guys used to be a part of the original X-Hun–

Agile and Violen: *grabs Sean* SHHHH!!

Sean: !?

Agile: *whispers* He can’t know about that! He’d kill us!

Violen: And then we wouldn’t be able to make any sand castles!

Flannery: I LOVE SAND, GUYS!! *throws a whole bunch into the air*

Rebel: So… you guys are with the captain now?

Agile: Yes.

Shadowstrike: Wait… that means that you must be the ones who have the information?

Agile: Yes.

Dark Knight: Which means that we will be going on some bizarre adventure, right?

Agile: Yes.

Rebel, Outlaw, Majin, Shadowstrike, Metabad, Dark Knight, Sean: SHIT!!

Byron: Let’s go inside to do the talking.

*Thus the CIA, along with Captain Shovelman and his crew, head inside to continue their discussion…*

Void: *emerges from his lab* What’s going on out here?

Outlaw: Oh, Void! The captain’s come back!

Flannery: And we brought sand!

Void: …That’s nice.

Dark Knight: He also brought Agile and Violen with him.

Void: …Yep, going back to my lab. *leaves*

Sean: There he goes…

Shadowstrike: Shouldn’t we bring him back?

Rebel: Meh, if he wants to hole himself up in his lab then let him. We’ll fill him in later. Anyway, Captain, Flannery, Agile…

Violen: …

Rebel: …Violen.

Violen: *beams*

Rebel: Fill us in.

Dark Knight: You guys have information on where the New X-Hunters are based?

Agile: Hmm… I dunno… What’s in it for us?

Rebel: Oh, c’mon, are you still acting like this!?

Agile: Hey, I said we don’t need your help, and I stand by that!

Byron: Wait, just wait. We need their help!

Agile: We do?

Violen: Yeah! *gets smacked* Er, uh… we do?

Byron: If it weren’t for them, me and Flannery would never have started to do research on those fiends and we never would have met you two! ‘Twas fate that brought us all together! It is our destiny!

Flannery: DESTINY!!

Metabad: DEESTIIIINNNYYYYYY!!

Agile: …Fine. We’ll talk.

Rebel: Good! Now spill the beans.

Outlaw: Tell us everything that you know…

Agile: After we “parted ways” with you guys, we did some searching. We wanted to find Serges! It was during this time that we encountered… them.

Shadowstrike: Them?

Violen: *sniffs* The new guys…

Sean: Balrog and Misery.

Agile: Yeah. We saw them by chance and they were talking to each other, so we hid and listened in…

*Flashback*

Misery: You are a fool, Balrog.

Balrog: Huh?

Misery: Do you really think that Master Serges’ plan was to simply destroy the CIA?

Balrog: Well, if it wasn’t then why does he keep telling me to do so?

Misery: He knows the CIA’s true strength. He knows that you will be unable to stop them… which is why you have just been a mere distraction, while I carry on with our real plans.

Balrog: …

Misery: Of course, in the unlikely scenario that someone like you actually manages to defeat the Island Attackers, then even better. I’m not holding my breath, though.

Balrog: So what’s the plan, then? Don’t leave me out of the loop, Misery!

Misery: All right, all right. I’ll tell you, but this is just between you and me, got it? If anyone else finds out about this, well… let’s just say Serges will be looking for a new TV.

Balrog: I’M NOT A TV!!

Misery: Then shut up and listen. While you have been busy fighting the CIA, I have been collecting parts. These parts are essential components to a device that Serges is building to carry through with his plans of world domination.

Balrog: ‘Kay. That’s neat. What’s the device do?

Misery: Ho ho ho, that’s for me to know and for you to find out.

Balrog: What!? You said you were gonna let me in!

Misery: If I let you too far in, you’d probably mess everything up. Now stop your complaining and let’s head back to the base. I’ve already collected the next part that was located here, so there’s no point in dilly-dallying.

Balrog: Right! To the North Pole!

*End flashback*

Agile: After that they both left.

Outlaw: Huh, that’s weird. So why would they base themselves there?

Shadowstrike: Yeah, it’s kinda out-of-the-way, isn’t it?

Flannery: Plus it has no sand! What were they thinking!?

Agile: It’s quite obvious why they are there–it was where our old base was located…

Violen: Serges must be using it! He was always kinda cheap.

Rebel: Ohhhh yeahhhh… I knew that.

Sean: Hmm… The North Pole and a device that Serges is building for world domination… there has to be a connection somewhere.

Majin: perhaps he wans 2 b KING OF DA HOLE

Shadowstrike: …World?

Majin: oh thats juz silly *burps*

Byron: Whatever the case may be, we swim across the ocean to the chilly north, and locate their base of operations so we may put an end to their villainous ways!

Dark Knight: Or we could, like, use the Whale King to take us there.

Byron: …Well, if you want to suck all of the fun out of it.

Rebel: Right. Shadow, take us to the North Pole. Metabad, go and get Void. Be sure to break lots of stuff to get his attention.

Metabad: Can I bring Majin to help me?

Rebel: Sure.

Metabad: Rawksome! Let’s go Maj!

Majin: hickory-dickory-dock-lock-mock-sock-rock

*Metabad and Majin, using some bizarre methods, manage to sneak into Void’s lab, where we can hear much screaming and yelling along with glass breaking, among other things. The Whale King, however, moves onward to the arctic despite the chaos within… and as it reaches its destination…*

Outlaw: *looking out the window* Hmm… some kinda thick mist is blocking the view.

Rebel: Weird. How much further?

Shadowstrike: …

Rebel: What?

Shadowstrike: Why… why is Flannery flying the ship?

Rebel: Because… Uh, that’s actually a pretty good question. Why is Flannery flying the ship!?

Flannery: Wheeeeeee. *does a loopty-loop*

Dark Knight: *hanging on to the chair* THIS IS WHY I DON’T TRUST WOMEN DRIVERS!!

Flannery: WHEEEEEEEE. *does several more loopty-loops*

Void: *flies in* Rebel! What are you doing!?

Rebel: WHY DO YOU IMMEDIATELY BLAME ME FOR THIS!?

Void: *sees Flannery flying* Oh god. OH GOD. WHO LET HER PILOT THE SHIP!?

Byron: *hanging upside down* Not me.

Agile: *hanging off of Byron* Not me.

Violen: *hanging off of Agile* I’LL ADMIT–IT WAS ME!! *breaks into tears*

Shadowstrike: SOMEBODY STOP THIS MADNESS!!

Flannery: Zoooooooooooooooom. *does a final loopty-loop and positions the ship back to normal*

Shadowstrike: …Just what was the whole purpose of that!?

Flannery: *points outside*

*The team looks outside. Flannery spelled the word “SAND” using the Whale King in the sky.*

Rebel: …You nearly killed us all so you could spell the word sand!?

Flannery: Yep.

Rebel: …Cool.

Everyone else: *groans*

Shadowstrike: *shoves Flannery out of the way* Okay, despite that waste of time, we will be arriving to at the North Pole in exactly… two minutes.

Outlaw: I dunno about you guys, but I’m ready.

Sean: Me too.

Majin: ready freddie!

*Before the team could even fully prepare, however, there was a loud bang outside, and suddenly the Whale King rocked back and forth!*

Dark Knight: What’s going on!?

Shadowstrike: We’re under attack! There’s something out there…

Agile: Wait! The mist is clearing!

Outlaw: *eyes widening* It’s a…

Metabad: IT’S A BIG BUILDING!!

*Indeed, jutting out of the water, incased in ice, was a building of a most impressive size–the X-Hunter Base. Despite that most of it had been destroyed from the inside-out years ago, it looked as if hasty repairs were made–along with a few upgrades. Several guns and cannons were mounted on top of it, where one of the largest cannons had smoke emerging from it. Without warning, it fires another shot, causing the Whale King to rock back and forth once more.*

Byron: Tsk! The cowards are assaulting us from afar! Have they no shame!?

Agile: Well… since this is Serges’ we’re talking about… no. Not really.

Violen: *sucking on his thumb* Some things just won’t ever change, huh?

Agile: *pulls Violen’s thumb out of his mouth* UNFORTUNATELY.

Rebel: *slams hands on table* All units, prepare to engage the enemy! Sean, Void, man the weapons! Open fire!

Void and Sean: Roger!

Flannery: Ooh, ooh! Can I help!?

Rebel: Sure.

Void and Sean: …

Flannery: YAY!! *drags Void and Sean off*

Rebel: All right, now, Shadowstrike, you move us in as close as possible. We need to infiltrate that base! After you do that, assist Sean, Void, and Flannery anyway you can!

Shadowstrike: Yes, sir!

Rebel: Everyone else… follow me! *leaves*

Outlaw, Majin, Metabad, Dark Knight, Byron, Agile, Violen: *follows*

*The team following Rebel made their way to the deck. Once there, they found that the ship was now next to the mighty base, with attacks from both sides being launched furiously.*

Agile: So what do we do now!?

Rebel: Now… we head toward our target! *points at the base*

Byron: Right you are, Rebel! *points with the shovel* CHAAAAAAAAAAARGE!!

???: Huzzah!

Outlaw: Not again…

Balrog: *dropping down from the sky* Whaddya mean, “not again”!? I think I’ve become one of the best reoccuring characters in this series, if I do say so myself!

Dark Knight: We don’t have time for you!

Metabad: We’ve got bigger fish to fry, maaaaaaaaan!

Majin: fish is mmm-mmm gurd *burps*

Balrog: Well too bad! It’s time to prove myself in this final battle of ours! Prepare yourself! *jumps into the air and starts throwing projectiles everywhere*

Rebel: Everyone, you know the drill! *teleports out of the way*

Violen: *watching everyone dodge the projectiles* Huh? I know the drill? There’s a drill!? I’m confused! *gets blasted by the projectiles* AAHHHH!!

Agile: *zipping past the attacks* Idiot.

Byron: I WILL NOT BE DEFEATED BY SUCH A MUNDANE ATTACK!! *whacks one of the projectiles back with shovel*

Balrog: What the–*gets hit in the face* BWAAAH!! *hits the ground*

Outlaw: All right, now’s the chance to finish him once and for all! *fires a pair of Spin Wheels*

Balrog: *slowly getting up* Urrrgh… *gets run over by the wheels* GUUUUURK!!

Metabad: WE DID IT!! *rawks*

Dark Knight: No sense in actually rawking, seeing as how we’ve defeated him several times already, and our real mission hasn’t even been completed yet.

Byron: *crosses arms* Yes, I fail to see the need to rawk at this point in time.

Metabad: Aw, you guys are no fun.

Majin: ya lurn 2 light up *lights up like a lightbulb*

Balrog: *gets back up* Not so fast! I have one more move to make!

Rebel: Oh, do you now!?

Balrog: Yes! Stop this, if you can! *fires several missiles at Rebel at close range*

Rebel: REBEL SHIELD!! *grabs Agile*

Agile: EEEEEEEEK!! *gets blasted*

Balrog: *blinks* Huh…

Rebel: *throws Agile on the ground* Look what you did to Agile! YOU’LL PAY FOR THIS!!

Balrog: But I–*gets kicked in the face*–OOOF!! *gets sent flying off the ship* NOOOOOOooooooo…

Dark Knight: Man, Rebel sure does know when to fight back.

Outlaw: Well, when boss bug fights for his friends, he tends to get a little emotional.

Agile: *charred and burnt* Emotional smotional, I’m sueing.

Violen: *also charred and burnt* Did I miss anything?

Agile: *kicks Violen off the ship as well*

Violen: WHAT DID I DOOOOOOOooooooo…

Byron: ENOUGH OF THIS NONSENSE!! We must go and put a stop to the New X-Hunters evil plans immediately!

Rebel: He’s right. Just ignore Agile, everyone. He’s trying to distract us. *leaves*

Agile: W-what…? I’m doing no such thing!

Metabad: Did you guys here something?

Agile: I… I feel so… ignored…

Majin: *pats Agile on the back*

Agile: …You aren’t ignoring me?

Majin: ur a funy fire hydrant *lifts leg up*

Agile: NO!!

*The team moves away from the Whale King and infiltrates the New X-Hunters base. They quickly start to search the entire premises for a way in…

Violen: I’m scaaaaaared!

Rebel: Shut up. I had to go out of my way to haul your worthless butt back up here!

Violen: But I was kicked!

Dark Knight: Then kick back!

Violen: *looks at Agile*

Agile: *glares*

Violen: Um… I’ll pass… *backs away*

Outlaw: So, where exactly is the entrance to this place?

Agile: I dunno.

Everyone else: …What?

Agile: I said I dunno! Everything looks kinda different.

Violen: Maybe they moved the entrance?

Metabad: That’s pretty rawkin’ in a not-rawkin’-sort-of-way.

Rebel: All right, lets split up to find the entrance. Captain, why don’t you and Agile group up, Outlaw will take DK and Violen, and I will go with Majin and Metabad.

Outlaw: Sounds good to me, boss bug.

Byron: Very well, I will let you take charge in this assignment as leader.

Rebel: Yeah, that’s right. I’m the leader! And what I say goes. Now get outta here you losers.

Dark Knight: Mmm’kay. *drags Violen off*

Agile: Whatever. *leaves*

Metabad: Let’s rawk all over the place! Let’s go, Maj.

Majin: okiez cuz dats wut we gotta do right rrrrreb?

Rebel: …Don’t ever call me by my name again.

Majin: ur dah boss rrrrreb

*Thus the group splits up…*

Dark Knight: This place is massive!

Violen: I don’t like big places like these!

Outlaw: Then I recommend staying out of the sewers. One time me and DK got lost for two days straight because we were chasing an old boot.

Violen: Just a boot?

Dark Knight: It was glowing!

Outlaw: And we could hear it chanting “Lets play” over and over in our heads…

Violen: Oooooookay.

Outlaw: Anyway, I wonder where the entrance is? You’d think such a big place would have more than one opening. Or at least a really big door.

Dark Knight: Wait! I think I see one! *points*

*Indeed, a small distance away in the back left corner of the facility was a small door leading inside.*

Violen: Woohoo, we did it!

Dark Knight: Last one there is a helmetless Mettool!

Outlaw: Hey, wait! Let’s get the others first–

???: Not so fast!

*Out of thin air a black orb appears a small distance away from Dark Knight, high in the air. The moment DK nears the orb, it releases a bolt of lightning, striking the ground right before him.

Dark Knight: Whoa! *jumps back*

Violen: What happened!?

Outlaw: Someone is here! Come on out!

Misery: *appears* Hm-hmm, I see you have quite fast reflexes for a robot.

Dark Knight: So it was you!

Misery: So it was! What are you going to do about it?

Dark Knight: Kick your ass, of course!

Violen: But that isn’t very nice…

Dark Knight: …

Outlaw: …

Misery: …

Violen: …Oh…

Misery: Anyway, if you want to make it inside you’ll have to deal with me. I hope your ready to die.

Outlaw: Let’s do this, guys!

Dark Knight: Bubble Splash!

Misery: *disappears right before the bubbles make contact*

Dark Knight: What the!?

Misery: *reappears in another spot* What, is that all you’ve got?

Dark Knight: Grrr… take this! *fires several volleys of bubbles*

Misery: *disappears and reappears* Now it’s time for you to take a seat! *fires out several black orbs that fire lightning*

Dark Knight: *gets hit* Gurrgh!

Outlaw: DK!

Violen: I-I’ll fight! *swings his mace at Misery*

Misery: *flies up and over the attack* Too slow! *creates another wave of orb-producing lightning*

Violen: *hit* YEEEEOW!!

Outlaw: *jumps between the bolts of lightning* Don’t think so!

Misery: !?

Outlaw: *gets in front of Misery* Dual Spin Wheel!

Misery: *is hit in the face by two wheels* Aaaagh! *hits the ground and disappears*

Outlaw: …Did I get her?

Misery: *appears above Outlaw* Not likely! *blasts Outlaw with a large bolt of lightning*

Outlaw: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!

*Elsewhere…*

Byron: *swings shovel over shoulder* Agile! Pick up the pace! You are supposed to be twice as fast and yet you are falling behind!

Agile: *panting* Yes… yes sir…

Byron: Now… *points in no particular direction* WE GO THERE!!

Agile: Why…?

Byron: Because I have a strong feeling that the entrance is in that direction! Wake up, man!

Agile: *starts to nod off and gets smacked by a shovel* OW!! Okay, okay…

*The strange duo walks in the direction Byron suggested and do indeed find a door in the back right corner of the facility.*

Byron: Ah-hah! You see? I am never wrong.

Agile: But I didn’t say you were–

Byron: *lifts shovel in the air* NEVER WROOOONG!!

Agile: *cowers*

Byron: Now, let us go back and find the others to let them know of the good news! *turns to leave*

Misery: *appears and fires a black orb at Byron’s back*

Agile: CAPTAIN!! *shoves Byron out of the way and gets hit instead* GAAAAAHH!!

Byron: What just happened!? *sees Misery* You! You were that witch from before!

Misery: Oh? You remembered me? I’m flattered.

Agile: *gets slowly back up* Be careful, captain… she’s not like that other guy…

Misery: Hah. Hahahahahah! Well, of course I’m not. That fool Balrog can’t be relied on to do anything. Much like you.

Agile: What did you say!? First you change Serges, next you mock me!?

Misery: I did nothing to Master Serges. He simply took a good opportunity and made the most of it. As for mocking you… well, I still find it hard to believe he had such a poor taste in allies.

Agile: Why you–

Byron: What does she mean by “poor taste in allies”, Agile?

Agile: *sweats* Erm… n-nothing…

Misery: Regardless, if you want to see the master, you’ll have to do so in body bags. Die! *lifts up into the air and fires more black energy balls*

Byron: Scramble! *dodges*

Agile: *moves between the attacks* I’ll show you! I am reliable!

Misery: Then dodge this!

*Concentrating briefly, Misery throws a small black energy ball which releases a shockwave upon impact, knocking Agile off his feet*

Agile: *hits the ground* Oof!

Misery: Time to die! *prepares to fire another energy ball*

Byron: Don’t think so! *hurls shovel at Misery, hitting her*

Misery: Aaaaaah!! *reels back in pain*

Byron: *the shovel comes back as a boomerang and is caught* Before you hurt one of my allies, try taking me on!

Misery: I’ll be more than glad for what you just did! *fires a large energy ball at Byron*

Byron: *takes a deep breath and lift shovel up into the air* …Now! *swings shovel down, hitting the energy ball back at Misery*

Misery: What the–*gets hit in the face and hits the wall before disappearing*

Byron: Yes! *pumps shovel into the air* FOR JUSTIIIIICE!!

Agile: *coughs* C-Captain…

Byron: No need to fear, Agile. Let us be on our way and–*gets hit from behind*–GAAAAAAGH!! *collapses*

Agile: No…!

Misery: *floating in midair behind Byron* Now, now… play time is over…

*Elsewhere…*

Majin: *bouncing around like a spring* WOOP WOOP WOOP WOOP

Metabad: *rawking while walking* AWWWW YEAH!!

Rebel: *rawking while walking on the wall* HELLZ YEAH!!

Majin: dey call me ed i am a head and i go burp and then im dead

Metabad: NICE JIM!!

Majin: im a jim? or a ed? im discombobulated now rrrrrreb

Rebel: Quit calling me by name! It just sounds… weird coming from you.

Majin: watever u say rrrrrrreb *starts bouncing off the wall* YABBA-DABBA-DOO

Rebel: Hey! Watch it! *gets hit by Majin and they both fall to the ground*

Metabad: Osnapz!

Rebel: Ugh… okay… so lets find that entrance already.

Metabad: Why not over by that conveniently placed door in the very back center of the base?

Rebel: Works for me. Let’s go, Maj.

Majin: IM COMMEN RRRRREB!!! *rolls along the ground*

*As the the three near the door…*

Metabad: …Something about this isn’t rawkin’.

Rebel: Yeah, you’re telling me…

Majin: ITS A TRAP

Misery: *appears* Too late! *releases a flurry of fire bats*

Metabad: Damn! Those bats are almost as hot as me… NOT!!

Misery: That’s what you think…

*Suddenly, the bats starts to divebomb the three CIA members, intent on taking them down with their own lives*

Rebel: Lets get outta here! *teleports out of the way*

Metabad: *grabs Majin and uses a nearby wall to jump over and away from the bats* Booyah!

Misery: There is no escape! *summons more bats and as them come after the group*

Rebel: *appears next to Metabad and Majin* All right guys, lets do this–Majin, use your lightning attack on the bats!

Majin: *drools*

Rebel: *smacks Majin* THE FUNNY DANCE MAN!! DO THE FUNNY DANCE!!

Majin: WHEEEEEEE!! *starts dancing*

Misery: What…? Are you trying to insult me with such outrageous behavior?

Metabad: If we embarrass you enough will you leave?

Misery: No, I’ll just kill you harder.

Metabad: Damn. It was worth a shot.

Majin: I FEEL ZEH POWAAAAAH!! *bolts of lightning rain down on the bats, frying them*

Rebel: Now! Lets fire bomb this witch! *fires a Magnet Mine at Misery*

Metabad: YEEEAAAAAH!! *hits the mine and causes a huge explosion right in Misery’s face*

Misery: *set ablaze* YEEEAAAARRRRGH!! *vanishes in the inferno*

Rebel: I think I smell a winner!

Metabad: Nothing can stop us! *high-fives and rawks*

Majin: only thing dat can stop us is rufus teh amazen chocolate raisen…

Rebel: …Right. Anyway, let’s get going! The others can catch up later. We’ve got an appointment with one Serges!

*The groups walks through the pile of fire bats that they took down as they head toward the door. Before they make it even halfway, however, the bats suddenly spring back to life and attack!*

Rebel: What’s going on!?

Misery: *reappears* Ohohoho, did you think it was over already? Guess again. This battle, along with the others, is just getting started!

Metabad: Others? You mean the others are going through this weird, funky stuff too?

Misery: Wouldn’t you like to know! *cackles evilly*

Rebel: Let’s do this… again!

*Back with Outlaw, Dark Knight, and Violen…*

Outlaw: *breathing hard* This is… getting ridiculous…

Dark Knight: No matter how many times we beat her down she just comes back for more… And it doesn’t help that Violen is too busy crying to actually help fight…

Violen: *cowering in the corner* DON’T HURT MEEEEE!!

Misery: Are you boys done yet?

Outlaw and Dark Knight: Urk!

Misery: If you are… then it’s time to end this once and for all…!

Outlaw: Get ready, here she comes!

Misery: The final lightning strike, now! *points wand at the group*

Outlaw and Dark Knight: *closes eyes and anticipates the attack* …

Violen: …Uh? *looks over shoulder* She… she’s gone!

Outlaw: *opens an eye* She is…?

Dark Knight: Well that was… strange.

Outlaw: Yeah… At least we can go through the door now–*sees the door is missing*–hey wait, the door is gone, too!

Dark Knight: Say what!? Now what do we do?

Violen: Go back?

Outlaw: I guess so…

*With Byron and Agile…*

Misery: *laughs evilly* Hahahahah! This is rich! So much for the “captain” and his “reliable” teammate!

Byron and Agile: *on the ground, bruised and beaten* Ugh…

Misery: *lands on the ground and plants a foot on Agile’s chest* What do you say?

Agile: …

Misery: I can’t hear you! *kicks him*

Agile: Urgh!

Misery: Hmph. Stubborn until the very end, aren’t you? That’s okay, though. I can and will force you to beg for mercy… you just need some more “discipline”…

Byron: Leave him alone, fiend…

Misery: Quiet, fool! You will get yours shortly… *to Agile* But you, you will suffer the consequences for defying us, right here and right NOW!! *raises wand*

Agile: NOOOOOOOO!! *lunges upward only to find Misery gone* W-what…?

Byron: She vanished again… but why? Perhaps something has changed… *slowly gets up* I see the door disappeared as well… We must hurry to the others, Agile… before it’s too late! *limps off*

Agile: *gets slowly back up* Yeah… before it’s too late… assuming that it isn’t already…

*Back with Rebel, Metabad, and Majin…*

Rebel: *has lower arms folded* Well, this is just great, first that witch disappears… and then she takes the door with her!

Metabad: Not rawkin’.

Majin: *pats Rebel on the back* dont get mad get glad rrrrrrreb

Rebel: I thought I told you to stop calling me by my name!

Majin: lol ur a fun guy rrrrrreb

Rebel: Why I outta…

Outlaw: Boss bug!

Metabad: It’s the others! All right!

Rebel: What happened to you guys?

Dark Knight: We were assaulted by Misery!

Rebel: What!? Impossible, we were assaulted by Misery!

Violen: Maybe she’s got a twin?

Metabad: Dude, no offense but… that idea just doesn’t rawk…

Violen: B-but it was worth a shot, right? Right!?

Outlaw: Not really, no.

Violen: *cries*

Byron: *arrives* Everyone!

Rebel: Captain! …What happened to you!?

Byron: Agile and myself confonted the fiend known as Misery!

Rebel, Outlaw, Majin, Metabad, Dark Knight, Violen: What!?

Agile: It was really weird, too… right when she was about to finish us, she vanished along with the door… to the entrance…

Outlaw: So it wasn’t just us, then.

Byron: Did the same thing happen to the rest of you, too?

Dark Knight: Yeah…

Violen: I’m scared, Agile!

Agile: Get away from me!

Majin: sometimes u jus gots ta take a blink and go woooooooooooooooo

Rebel: Well, lets head back a little bit and think of our next course of action…

Byron: Agreed. We’ve gained nothing from this.

Dark Knight: Sounds good.

*As the group turned around, they encountered Shadowstrike and Sean!*

Shadowstrike: Hey guys.

Rebel: …What’re you guys doing here?

Sean: Well, we got kinda bored sitting on the ship, since there really weren’t any major attacks after you guys infiltrated the base, so we decided after playing a couple games and having some lunch to go assist you all in this delicate operation.

Metabad: You guys had lunch? Without us!?

Shadowstrike: Yeah… sorry about that…

Byron: Where is Flannery?

Sean: Oh, we left her on the ship so we could get out of here ASAP in case of an emergency.

Agile: You mean as a crazy pilot again?

Dark Knight: Could be worse.

Sean: *shocked* What the Hell was that for!?

Dark Knight: Hey, back off. I haven’t had a good chance to say it for a while now and I want to watch someone suffer!

Rebel: Hmm… Oh yeah, where’s what’s-his-face?

Shadowstrike: You mean Void?

Rebel: Yeah. Him.

Shadowstrike: He said he was gonna check something out and took off into the sky… he should be back soon…

Sean: Oh, I see him!

*With that Void swooped down from the sky and landed, looking slightly worse for wear.*

Rebel: Yo, Void! What have you been doing?

Void: Oh, Rebel, I’m glad I caught you. Did any of you encounter Misery?

Violen: I did! And so did he, and he did too, and… *gets several stares* …Yeah… *slinks back*

Void: *continuing* When the rest of us exited the ship, I spotted Misery from a distance, near the top of the base. I decided to encounter her on my own, and it turned out she was creating copies of herself as a trap. I ended up taking her down, so the copies she made should have vanished as well.

Outlaw: So THAT’S what happened!

Dark Knight: Void, you are a lifesaver!

Void: Huh? Thanks, I guess.

Byron: Indeed, we would not be alive if it weren’t for you and your hard work. *shakes Void’s hand*

Void: Gee, this is embarrassing…

Rebel: Whatever! Void, quit being all lame and help us find the door to this place already.

Void: Oh, the door to this place is where Misery was located. I can show you all where it is.

Byron: Well how about that! You are indeed useful!

Void: Hahah, thanks…

Shadowstrike: Yeah, we’re really lucky to have Void with us.

Majin: void dah noid!

Rebel: Okay, okay! Void’s great, who cares! Let’s just go in there and kick Serges’ ass already! *walks off*

Everyone else: …

Sean: Well, that was rather immature.

Agile: *snorts* And to think he was treating me like I was immature earlier.

Shadowstrike: You’re more egotistical than anything else.

Agile: Yeah!

Void: *sighs* Well, Reb will be Reb…

*The group catches up with Rebel as Void shows them the way into the base. The inside was completetly different to how the outside looked, showing that, despite the quick patchwork on the outside, the inside had been totally remodeled.*

Byron: Hmm… such a big place.

Outlaw: It feels kinda empty, though. Lifeless, even.

Violen: Do you think Serges built all of this by himself?

Agile: Don’t be stupid. He couldn’t even build you a better brain.

Violen: But I like my brain…

Agile: Does anyone else like it?

Sean: I don’t.

Shadowstrike: Not me.

Dark Knight: Me neither.

Void: …Don’t look at me.

Byron: I have no meaningful comments on the matter.

Outlaw: Err…

Metabad: Nope.

Rebel: Who are you again?

Majin: yes well ok not really i lied im a bad majin :<

Agile: You see? No one likes your brain.

Violen: Darn…

Void: Anyway, I suggest we get moving–

Rebel: Yes, let’s get moving! Right now! Follow me!

Sean: Do you even know which way to go?

Rebel: Uh…

*Indeed, the area which they started off in had multiple branching paths.*

Shadowstrike: Maybe we could split up?

Byron: There is no time for that! If we were to encounter the leader of the New X-Hunters with only small fraction of our group, who knows what could happen! We must stick TOGETHERRRR!! *pumps shovel upward*

Dark Knight: Any ideas then, Rebel?

Agile: Yes, please hurry and save us, our fearless “leader”.

Rebel: Shut up. We could… uh…

Void: How about we follow the pipelines?

Outlaw: Pipelines?

Void: *nods* See the pipes along the walls and ceiling? They are all over the entrance, but they only continue down one path. Although it isn’t much to go on, it would be a good deduction that it could take us the right way.

Byron: I see… brilliant!

Shadowstrike: Void, how exactly did you get to be so good at all of this?

Void: Well, I told you guys earlier that one had to be prepared.

Outlaw: And now your showing us what you meant! Neat!

Majin: dat is 1 kewl custard if ya get mah drift

Shadowstrike: I think you mean “customer”.

Rebel: Guys! Quit praising Void and let’s get going!

Metabad: Rawkers aren’t waiters you know!

Majin: o mebe i shud stop bein a waiter at ihop then so i can rawk mah sawks awff

Void: Not that kind of waiter, Majin.

Rebel: Void! Quit correcting Majin and get a move on!

Void: Yes, yes…

Dark Knight: Let’s go have that appointment with Serges! *leaves*

Violen: *gulps* This is it…? I’m kinda scared… How about you, Agile?

Agile: *shaking uncontrollably* W-w-w-what!? S-s-scared!? What f-f-f-for!? It’s just… it’s just… it’s just Serges! G-g-good old… Serges… Who wants to k-kill us…

*The team continues to makes their way through the base, traveling down the hallway that Void suggested. After a good bit of distance…*

Dark Knight: Man, this is boring! Even more so than that time back when we had to walk down those passage ways in Anti-Majin’s fortress*.

*See Series 3, Epilogue #37 “Dance of the Abyss”

Sean: And the path just keeps on stretching…

Agile: Are we sure we’re going the right way!?

Rebel: Void messed up.

Void: Hey! I didn’t say that this was THE correct path. It was just an educated guess.

Rebel: Void messed up.

Byron: Now, Rebel, there is no need to be like that. Surely we will reach the end if we pick up the pace, yes?

Shadowstrike: Let’s just go already…

*Thus the group continued for another half hour so…*

Majin: looks liek 2day is gona b a gud day 2day woohoo

Rebel: …If you say so.

Majin: WOOHOO

Outlaw: Are we really sure that this is taking us anywhere?

Sean: Where else would we be going, then?

Violen: Maybe someone should check… *sniff*

Agile: *gets looked at* …Fine, fine! I’ll run back and see how much distance we’ve covered.

Shadowstrike: I’ll help!

*The two speedsters turn around and take a step back… only to find themselves at the entrance!*

Agile: What the!?

Shadowstrike: We’re back… how!? When!?

Agile: *gets on knees* WHYYYYYYYYY!?!?

Shadowstrike: …

Agile: Sorry, always wanted to do that.

Shadowstrike: *smacks Agile*

Outlaw: *peeks head out from the hallway* Hey, uh… what’s going on?

Shadowstrike: We’ve been duped!

Metabad: What!? That ain’t rawkin’ man! NOT. RAWKIN’.

Violen: Now what do we do?

???: Now you die!

*Without warning, a barrage of projectiles appeared from above and rained down! The CIA and friends, taken aback, try their hardest to dodge the onslaught.*

Misery: *appears* Did you think you could escape me?

Rebel: You!

Void: So, you’re back for seconds, huh?

Misery: Hmph, you merely caught me off guard, moth. This time, the true battle begins! And with my magic spell, you won’t be wandering off anywhere.

Sean: So we need to defeat you to proceed!

Byron: Very well! *gets into a battle position* I shall enjoy disposing you from the vicinity once and for all, fiend!

Misery: You bizarre, shovel-wielding person! Don’t go to heaven! *unleashes a small energy ball*

Byron: Oh, so you want to play ball, is that it!? *hits the energy ball back*

Misery: *dodges* Why you…! *hits Byron with a bolt of electricity*

Byron: Gurgh…!

Outlaw: Take her down! *fires a Spin Wheel on the ground*

Misery: *watches as it passes beneath her* Hah, looks like you are at a disadvantage.

Outlaw: Guess again.

*The Spin Wheel hits the wall behind Misery and begins to climb up it, reaching the ceiling. The moment it does it drops off and hits Misery in the back of her head, causing her to hit the floor.*

Misery: Oof! *slowly gets back up*

Metabad: I so got her! *unleashes a flurry of Speed Burners*

Misery: Not so fast! *summons a wave of fire bats to absorb the attack* Die!

Metabad and Outlaw: Ahh!

Sean: Crystal Hunter! *encases some of the fire bats in crystal*

Dark Knight: Bubble Splash! *puts the rest of them out*

Void: Now, it’s time to move! Shadow, use your Sonic Slicers to surround Misery!

Shadowstrike: I’m on it! *fires a couple of slicers*

Void: Now… for a touch of poison! *flaps his wings and releases the poisonous cloud, which gets trapped in the air current of the Sonic Slicers*

Misery: *getting affected by the poison* Grrr, this doesn’t look good… *prepares to fire a lightning bolt but gets cut off by another one* What!?

Majin: *doing a weird dance* say wut bobobo say wut bobobo say wut bobobo

Misery: *prepares to fire an energy ball at Majin*

Violen: I-I’m helping! *swings mace*

Misery: *barely dodges* Whoa!

Agile: *runs up to Misery and hits her with his beam saber*

Misery: Gaah!

Agile: *points it at Misery* Surrender.

Misery: Are you… telling ME what to do?

Agile: …

Misery: This is classic… Master Serges, I hope you take care of these fools for me… *disappears*

Byron: Gah… *gets up* Did the witch finally leave for good?

Sean: Looks like it.

Rebel: *looking impatient* Yeah, yeah, good job ‘n’ all. Now let’s go.

Agile: You didn’t even do anything!

Rebel: Hey, I’m the leader! So if I wanna slack off I can.

Void: Reb, I don’t think slacking off during the middle of a crisis is a good idea…

Rebel: Yeah, and you said you took care of Misery for us earlier.

Void: My bad.

Shadowstrike: Hey, things happen.

Rebel: No they don’t. Void, quit being so worthless to the group for once!

Void: *sighs* Reb–

Rebel: Nope! Not listening.

Dark Knight: ANYWAY, I think this hallway is shorter than it originally was!

Byron: Yes, I can see a door at the end already!

Agile: A-already? *gulps*

Outlaw: So… this is really it this time.

Sean: Let’s hurry!

Majin: bad boi watchu gona do, watchu gona do wen dah bad boi isnt bad boiiiii

Metabad: That’s deep, dude.

Majin: im juz dat gud *burps*

*The group gathered around the door at the end of the hallway. Hesitantly, they opened the door and stepped inside. What they saw was amazing–a large room which in both height and width, with a very large structure made of metal reaching up to the very top of the ceiling. The structure was cylinder-shaped, having been designed like a cage to see through. At the base of the structure… was Serges.*

Agile: Serges!

Serges: So Misery lost as well, did she… Worthless. She talks big but she’s worthless like the rest of you.

Violen: Serges…

Serges: Regardless, I should commend you for making it all this way here. Welcome to my lab.

Sean: This is your lab!?

Byron: Very impressive… for the leader of the New X-Hunters! *points shovel dramatically*

Serges: Hmph. You must be that Captain Shovelman Balrog was blabbering on about the other day. Not like I care. I have far more important things to concern myself with.

Byron: Now hold on a second! You can’t know who I possibly am.

Serges: …Yes I can.

Byron: No you can’t, so just be quiet and listen: In a time of darkness… when the world needs a hero… there is but one person who can stand up to the terrors of society…

Serges: *sighs with great annoyance*

Byron: *pumps shovel into the air* I am the one… the only… CAPTAIN SHOVELMAN!! DEFENDER OF SHOVELS… EVERYWHERE!! *fireworks go off in the background*

Serges: I DON’T CARE!!

Agile: Serges! Stop this!

Violen: Quit doing all of this stuff, please!

Serges: …You two. You will die for bringing this person in here.

Agile and Violen: NOOOOO!!

Rebel: Serges! We will stop you!

Serges: Just try! It’s already too late… in just a few minutes this world shall be destroyed, and a new order shall be established!

Void: What do you mean?

Serges: Ah, if it isn’t Morph Moth. You were always the biggest pain in my side. And to think at one point I even considered you a rival…

Dark Knight: Just get to the point!

Serges: *coughs* Yes… what you see here… is my greatest creation ever!

*Serges then presses a button, and behind him a monitor lights up, revealing a large satelite.*

Everyone else: A satelite?

Serges: Not just any satelite! In the middle of this room, behind that cage, a large dish will be raised to the very top of the base! There, it will release a transmission to the satelite, which will cause it to activate… Once activated, the satelite will then release powerful energy waves that will cause an instant global warming! My calculations predict a 10% increase in temperature!

Sean: 10%!? That’s ridiculous!

Outlaw: You wouldn’t!

Serges: *laughs maniacally* But I would!

Void: By doing that… you would cause the polar ice caps to melt and raise the water temperature… Places would surely flood.

Violen: That’s horrible! Where would we live!?

Byron: Relax. Yes, if the glaciers were to melt there would definitely be a noticeable rise in water, but it wouldn’t be enough to flood the entire world. Your plan, while still incredibly dangerous, is also incredibly flawed, Serges!

Serges: And that is where you are wrong!

Byron: …Say what?

Serges: Why do you think I chose this place as my new base? This place has a little secret…

Agile: …You clever bastard.

Rebel: What? He’s a clever bastard? Why is he a clever bastard!?

Agile: One of the Maverick’s original plans to annihilate the human race was to flood the world.

Shadowstrike: It was!?

Metabad: Dude, talk about a total plot twist…

Violen: Wasn’t this base the reason for it? I think it could create it’s own water by combining those atom-y things…

Outlaw: Ohhh, I think I remember that. Yeah, it could combine atoms to create its own water and then could pump it into the ocean. That’s why this place was built on the ocean. It also came with a floatation system so that it could support itself when the time finally came.

Void: Yes… but it was scrapped because it was deemed as too time-consuming. Sigma figured that slaughtering the humans would be far more enjoyable, anyway.

Dark Knight: So, in other words…

Sean: All Serges needs to do is melt the ice caps, and then use this base to add to the water level until he gets the desired results…

Byron: Then nothing would be safe…

Rebel: …What? …What!? …WHAAAAAAAAAAAAT!?

Void: Rebel, you act like you never heard of this plan.

Rebel: That’s because I haven’t! You guys kept me in the dark!

Outlaw: But you were a higher rank than us in the war.

Rebel: Forget you! I didn’t know about any of this!

Serges: Who cares about what you didn’t know!? What is important is that this old world will be replaced with a new one, with this base serving as the starting point for my glorious new empire! The New X-Hunters Empire! Then, everyone will serve under me–*sees no one is paying attention to him*

Agile: How could you not know!? I could understand those other guys, because they weren’t there, but you were one of the top Mavericks!

Violen: Even I know… which is saying something…

Rebel: Shut up! You think you know everything!? Well I’m still smarter than you!

Metabad: AND I’M SMARTER THAN YOUR MOM!!

Majin: and im smarter than teh toaster

Serges: HEY!!

Byron: Rebel, I think as leader you need to start remembering these important details more clearly.

Dark Knight: Yeah, seriously. Void is doing a better job at it it seems.

Rebel: Man, you guys are seriously annoying the shit out of me today!

Serges: You… you’re all just jealous! Jealous of my amazing intellect! That’s why you’re ignoring me!

Sean: Serges, do us a favor and be quiet. We are busy arguing here.

Rebel: In other words, SHUT THE FUCK UP.

Serges: Grrrrrrr, I’m being made a fool by you simpletons! You’ll pay for this!

*Mumbling to himself, Serges pushes another button, and a large dish raises from the floor into the middle of the room, behind the cage. It then proceeds to slowly rise up toward the ceiling, which opens up to lead to the outside.*

Byron: What the…!?

Serges: One minute! In just one minute, that dish will reach the top, and generate the transmission for the satelite! This world is doomed! DOOMED!!

Sean: …No!

Metabad: We have to stop him, guys!

Void: Let’s go, Rebel!

Rebel: …

Void: …Rebel!

Rebel: Gah, just shut up already! Void, you piss me off! Everyone else, you know what to do!

Violen: B-but this is Serges! We can’t fight him!

Agile: We just want him to return to normal!

Serges: Normal!? I’m far more normal than you freaks!

Void: This whole thing started because of that hat Serges is wearing… Everyone! Aim for that hat!

Serges: …! Oh, no you don’t!

Sean: Crystal Hunter!

Serges: *moves out of the way and pulls out a small energy gun* Die! *fires a blast*

Sean: Ack! *uses shell to deflect the attack*

Outlaw: Bad move! *moves to where the crystal block was formed by Sean and knocks it toward Serges*

Serges: *gets hit* Gaaah!

Dark Knight: Here’s our chance! *prepares to fire a blast of bubbles*

Shadowstrike: Let me help!

*Shadow quickly places a Sonic Slicer in front of DK, who then releases a large bubble. The bubble slowly touches the slicer, which causes the air to become even more powerful at is goes flying toward Serges Demon Crown, causing it to get torn to shreds.*

Serges: Wh-what…? *falls to knees* My… my crown! MY DEMON CROWN!!

Agile and Violen: SERGES!! *runs up to him*

Serges: GET AWAY FROM ME!! *waves arms back and forth* My crown… it can’t be gone…!

Agile: S-Serges…

Serges: *frantically grabbing the scraps* If… If I put the scraps back together… then surely it will be all right! Surely! Hahahaha… HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!

Dark Knight: This is… kinda pathetic…

Serges: HAHAHAHAHahahaha…ha… *passes out*

Everyone else: …

Outlaw: Oookay… So… what now?

Byron: I believe before dealing with Serges there was something about a dish…

Shadowstrike: What!? The dish!? Oh no!

Void: Crap! *runs over to Serges’ computer* …

Metabad: How’s it lookin’?

Void: …It’s no good. Serges has a really complex system set up. Even if I knew the password I don’t think I could bring the dish back down…

Outlaw: So there’s nothing we can do?

Rebel: …

Violen: Now what do we do?

Majin: Perhaps we should head back to the ship?

Dark Knight: Whoa, Majin isn’t drunk anymore.

Sean: It’s kinda strange how he switches back and forth like that…

Metabad: COULD BE WORSE!!

Sean: *shocked* Yeow! Was that really necessary at a time like this!?

Metabad: Dude, it’s necessary at ALL times.

Agile: Okay, so we’re going to the ship. I’ll bring Serges back…

Void: I’ll help.

*Thus the CIA and the rest return to the ship…*

Flannery: WELCOME BACK!!

Byron: Flannery, did you do an admirable job watching the ship?

Flannery: YOU BET!! I filled it with lots of saaaaaaaaaaand.

Sean: It’s a good thing I left my spare shells at the cleaners…

Agile: Hey guys, I think Serges is starting to wake up!

Serges: Ugh… where am I?

Byron: Serges! Are you sane?

Serges: W-what kind of stupid question is that? And who are you anyway?

Byron: Ohhh, don’t be silly. I already told you who I was.

Serges: …No you didn’t.

Byron: Yes I did.

Serges: *to Agile and Violen* You two, I thought I told you that when you pick up new recruits, make certain they aren’t so… weird. I deal with it enough from you morons.

Agile and Violen: SERGES IS BACK!! *hugs Serges*

Serges: *getting crushed* Ack! Stop it! I can’t… breath…

Void: Guys, let Serges go. We need to fill him in, it seems like…

*A few minutes later…*

Serges: I can’t believe all of that happened from that stupid crown… I was merely trying it on… and the rest is a blank.

Dark Knight: That is definitely weird. But, onto business about the satelite…

Serges: Obviously, it must be stopped. Unfortunately, with my loss in memory I do not think I’ll be capable of doing so. Therefore, we must use brute force.

Majin: How much time do we have?

Serges: Well, if the satelite is out in space… and it will take a brief period of time for the satelite to start emitting the energy waves… so maybe half an hour?

Violen: That’s not a very long time… *sniff*

Serges: Which is why we must destroy it immediately!

Dark Knight: What are our options?

Serges: If we had the time, we could simply build a small missile and shoot it down. Of course, when developing the satelite, I made sure to give it the proper defenses, so even that would be out of the question.

Byron: If we can’t use weaponry, what could we possibly use?

Serges: …Well…

Void: Stop. I know what you are going to suggest.

Shadowstrike: What is he going to say?

Void: …You were going to suggest sending one of us up there to destroy it ourselves, weren’t you?

Serges: …Yes.

Outlaw: That doesn’t sound too bad. One of us just flies up there, takes care of it, and comes back down, right?

Serges: Idiot! That’s not what it means!

Outlaw: Uh… it’s not?

Void: Outlaw… Everyone… What Serges is suggesting is that one of us… sacrifices ourselves to destroy the satelite.

Dark Knight: No… no way!

Agile: Serges! You can’t be serious!

Serges: I am quite serious.

Sean: Unfortunately… it looks like it might be the only feasible option as of right now.

Shadowstrike: This is insane…

Metabad: Yeah… this isn’t even the time to think about stuff, like rawkin’.

Everyone: …

Rebel: …I’ll do it.

Everyone else: What?

Rebel: I said I’ll do it. I will go up there and put a stop to that satelite!

Void: Rebel! Think for a moment! If you were to go, who would guide the rest of the team–

Rebel: I said I’m going and that’s that! If it’s get blown up or drown to death, then God damn it I’m going to blow myself to kingdom come!

Serges: Well, since we so graciously have earned a volunteer… shall we get the preparations ready?

Byron: I shall help.

Sean: Me too.

Void: …I’ll help in a little bit.

*Thus, everyone parts ways, preparing for the moment that Rebel blasts off into outer space to destroy on his final mission…*

Rebel: *to himself* So… this is it…

Void: *enters the room* Rebel, are you sure you want to do this?

Rebel: …Void, I’ve been doing some thinking as of late.

Void: Yeah…?

Rebel: I’m not really cut out for this whole “leader” thing… I just don’t feel like I’m all that good at giving decent orders and stuff.

Void: That’s surprising to hear from you.

Rebel: There’s more to it.

Void: Like what?

Rebel: …Meh, screw it. I’m going, and that’s that. *looks at a clock* Seems that it’s time. *turns back to Void* Void… farewell.

Void: Yes… farewell to you, too, Rebel…

*In the navigation room of the Whale King, everyone but Rebel and Void were present…*

Outlaw: I wonder where Void man ran off too…?

Shadowstrike: He said something about wanting to check something out in his lab, and to not bother him.

Outlaw: So he’s not going to see Rebel off? Damn…

Serges: All right, everyone, this is it. *points to a large monitor before them*

Sean: This monitor is connected to a camera in the docking bay, where the Arwings are located. We have decided to attach several explosives to the hull of one of the Arwings, which Rebel will use to… crash into the satelite.

Metabad: Oh man, I’m getting teary-eyed… does anyone have a hanky?

Majin: *hands one to Metabad*

Metabad: Thanks, dude. *blows nose*

Byron: We will have absolutely no contact with Rebel once he has taken off. All we will be able to do is watch and pray that the mission goes well.

Flannery: I put my good luck sand on the ship, so it should be A-OK!

Dark Knight: So… this is really happening.

Agile: I never thought I’d say it but… I’m gonna miss ‘im.

Violen: I hope you all will be like this if something ever happened to me…

Agile: Yeah… keep on dreaming.

Serges: The Arwing will take off in 10 seconds…

Outlaw: Goodbye, boss bug…

Sean: 5…

Metabad: SUPER AWESOME FIGHTING FORCE FOR LIIIIIIIFE!! *salute-rawks*

Byron: 1… Ready for take off!

*The countdown now finished, the Arwing with the explosives begins to move, heading toward the exit of the ship. In a matter of seconds it is outside, heading upward.*

Outlaw: There goes a brave man.

Majin: He will be missed.

Rebel: *enters the room, clutching head with a crobar in hand* Ugh… what did I miss?

Everyone else: …

Rebel: Hey, what happened to the plan to send me off in one of those Arwings, anyway?

Shadowstrike: Uh… Reb…?

Rebel: What?

Sean: If… if you aren’t piloting the Arwing… then who is!?

Rebel: What…? *looks at the monitor and sees the Arwing* No… he couldn’t! HE WOULDN’T!!

Serges: What is going on!? Who is in that ship!?

Rebel: I… I remember now! Void… he must have hit me with this crobar when my back was turned! I was knocked out for a few minutes!

Outlaw: Say what!?

Sean: Then… that means… the one who is piloting that Arwing is–

Dark Knight: Oh my God, somebody get him out of there!

Byron: We can’t! All communications were cut off for this mission!

Rebel: Why the Hell is that!?

Byron: V-Void recommended it…

Shadowstrike: He’s insane! He’ll never survive!

Rebel: *grabbing hold of the monitor* Void! VOOOOOOOOOIIIIIIIIIIIID!!!!!

*And in a flash, the Arwing makes contact with the satelite, resulting in a massive explosion. Once all was clear, all that could be seen was the emptiness of space, with a few mere scraps of metal debris floating inbetween…*

Serges: It’s… it’s over… the mission was… a success…

Majin: How could this have happened?

Sean: I… really don’t know what to say…

Rebel: *still holding the monitor* VOID!! VOOOOIIIIID!! YOU STUPID IDIOT!! IT WAS ME WHO WAS SUPPOSED TO GO!! ME!! VOOOOOOIIIIIIIIIiiiiiiiiiid… *gets dragged off by Outlaw*

Outlaw: C’mon, boss bug… let’s get some fresh air…

Shadowstrike: I feel sick.

Dark Knight: Same… none of us saw this happening… perhaps not even Void…

Metabad: This has to be a dream, guys… right? Right!?

Byron: *to Flannery and the X-Hunters* I believe this is the part were we head on our way.

Flannery: Huh?

Agile: Y-yeah… we should get going…

Violen: *to the Island Attackers* We’re sorry for your loss…

Serges: We’ll… we’ll deal with you another time… okay!? *wipes eyes and leaves*

Majin, Shadowstrike, Sean, Dark Knight, Metabad: …

*Byron, Flannery, and the X-Hunters all exit the Whale King, leaving the Island Attackers to themselves. On the deck…*

Outlaw: I know how ya feel, boss bug… Void had been with us since the very beginning, heck before even the team was formed… and now it’s just me ‘n’ you.

Rebel: *face covered* …

Outlaw: Boss bug–no, Rebel–I don’t know what you are thinking right now, but please don’t do anything rash… for our sake. *leaves*

Rebel: …Farewell, Void…

The End

Super Dispenser

January 18, 2015

*Written by Shadowstrike*

Trump: *stroking a cat* Yes, yes. *presses a button* Is it done?

Technician: Yes sir, Mr. Trump, sir, we are just putting the finishing touches on it right now.

Trump: No, you’re done. *presses another button and kills the technician* See that kitty? I killed the man!

2nd Technician: Should we bring it to your office sir?

Trump: Yes. Do that.

*A few minutes later*

2nd Technician: Here you are, sir. Your ultimate project. *pulls a tarp off a nearby large machine* The ultimate Coca-Cola dispenser. It dispenses Coca-Cola and all its products at the perfect temperature for free.

Trump: Good. Now you die! *presses another button and his cat explodes*

2nd Technician: …

Trump: …

2nd Technician: I’ll leave?

Trump: *shoots the technician* Not with your life.

2nd Technician: YOU SHOT ME IN THE FOOT!

Trump: Whiner. *throws him out the 42nd floor window*

*Meanwhile*

Rebel: !!!

Void: What’s wrong Reb? Majin jump in the toilet again?

Rebel: No… no… something… else.

Outlaw: Disturbance in the force?

Rebel: Almost. Wait, no. I’ve felt this once before. This is… my Coca-Cola senses…!!! *dashes out of the room*

Majin: moimeyz? *is shoved out of the way, into the toilet*

Void: God damn it!

Sean: Hey, Reb, where you going?

Rebel: !!! *throws Sean out of the way, who flies into Dark Knight, both landing in a heap in the corner*

Sean: What’s wrong with him?

Dark Knight: Could be worse…

Sean: I ha–*is shocked, Dark knight also*

Dark Knight: *coughing smoke* So worth it…

Metabad: Reb! What’s rawkin?!

Rebel: !!! *runs into the cockpit and throws Shadowstrike out*

Shadowstrike: Ow! What’s his problem?

Metabad: I don’t know, it’s not in The Handbook to All Rawkin.

Shadowstrike: Is that an actual book?

Metabad: I wrote it! *rawks*

Rebel: No… it can’t be. It just can’t! This day was never supposed to come!

Void: *banging on the door* Rebel! LET US IN! YOU’RE NOT QUALIFIED TO FLY!

Rebel: SHUT UP VOID OR I’LL GET THE BUG SPRAY!

Void: I–… too far! *runs off*

Shadowstrike: Outlaw, Break the door down.

Outlaw: Okay. *slams into the door, shattering it*

Rebel: Guys! Stay back! This is my holy grail!

Sean: Rebel, you’re circling the Trump Taj Mahal.

Rebel: It’s in there.

Void: *coming back with a box of tissues* What is?

Rebel: Okay, guys. *lands the Whale King (HEY IT DIDN’T CRASH THIS TIME!!!!)* This is a legend passed down by Coca-Cola lovers, from one to another. There is a legendary Coca-Cola dispenser, said to exist only in myth. Such machine is said to dispense any and all Coca-Cola products, even the abysmal New Coke.

Outlaw: I always wanted to try New Coke…

Rebel: Yes, so do I, if only for prosperity sake. The best part of this machine, is that it does it for free! And… the soda’s are always in the perfect temperature, for each person. Guys, this machine might exist. And it is my duty as a coke drinker to see if it is. Can I trust I have your help?

Majin: I’LL HAVE THE SOUP!

*A few minutes later,outside the Whale King*

Rebel: *walking in front of his motley crew of warriors* Men! I stand before, not for selfish purpose, or personal gain.

Metabad: Stop, you will ruin us.

Rebel: But because I have been ordained, by a power greater than I. I will lead us towards victory. We shall go thru the halls of security, where many men will try to stop us with bullets and weapons, then onto the icy laden halls of Trump’s office, where we will find our prize! Shadow to the front!

Shadowstrike: Yes, sir!

Rebel: Shadow, your speed is that of the mythological Hermes. You will lead us as a scout. Do you accept your charge?

Shadowstrike: Aye, sir!

Rebel: Outlaw to the front!

Outlaw: Aye, sir!

Rebel: Outlaw, with your elvish eyes, and inhuman strength, you shall be my backup. You will make sure none of us falter or fall behind. This is your charge. The charge of the caboose. Do you accept?

Outlaw: Aye, sir!

Rebel: Ready men? FORWARD!

Void: If we go forward, we go into a wall.

Rebel: …Ready men? TURN! THEN FORWARD!

Sean: Maybe he will really will ruin us…

Dark Knight: It could be worse…

Sean: You son–BZZT!! *falls down*

Dark Knight: Hehehe… It never gets old.

Sean:

Dark Knight: Hey… you okay?

Sean:

Dark Knight: …Oh… crap… *pokes Sean* WAKE UP! WAKE UP!

Sean: *kicks DK out a window*

Dark Knight: IT COULD BE WOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRSSSSSSSSSSE! *slams into the ground*

Sean: I ha–BZZT!! *explodes into sparks*

Rebel: Can we get a damn medic?

*In a deeper part of the base*

Rebel: Shadow! Any reports?

Shadowstrike: None sir, the building is completely empty, save for the extremely fortified 13th floor.

Rebel: That’s where we go. What are the routes?

Shadowstrike: There are three routes, one up the stairs, one on the outside of the building, and one in the broken elevator shaft. Each is heavily guarded.

Void: Is this a final dungeon?

Rebel: IT IS TRUMP’S FINAL DUNGEON! SPLIT INTO THREE TEAMS! METABAD YOU AND ME ARE GOING TO TAKE THE OUTSIDE!

Metabad: Let’s rawk it up the side!

Rebel: Sean, Shadow, and Void, take the elevator shaft.

Sean: I can’t fly.

Rebel: Well that will suck for you then, won’t it? Outlaw, lead DK and Drunky up the stairs.

Majin: Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeey I take offense to that. I am nto dnokey knog!

*Later, in the elevator shaft*

Shadowstrike: *wall jumping* Stupid elevator being broken.

Sean: I agree. This is just retarded.

Void: Sean, how are you getting up here?

Sean: You’re carrying me.

Void: Would you have any other way to get up?

Sean: Nooope.

Void: Think you should stop complaining?

Sean: …Yeah…

Shadowstrike: Um guys, we got trouble.

Void: What makes you say that?

Shadowstrike: Well, I’m plastered to the wall in Oreo cr?me.

Sean: We’re you eating an Oreo?

Shadowstrike: No.

Sean: Are you sure?

Shadowstrike: YES SEAN, I AM SURE!

Sean: Okay, okay, I am just checking.

Oreo: IT WAS-A ME! *throws cr?me at Sean*

Sean: Okay, I believe Shadow, now VOID SAVE ME!

Void: *sighs and Silk Shots the cr?me* Shadow, cut your self loose. *flies up towards Oreo*

Loreo: WATCH OUT BROTHER! *divebombs Void* I WONT LET HIM-A GET YOU!

Void: *braces himself* Oh, this is nice.

Shadowstrike: I gotcha! *jump kicks the falling Loreo out of Void’s path*

Sean: *fires his shell towards the falling Loreo* Void! Finish it!

Loreo: OH-A NO! *is slammed by the shell and goes flying up*

Void: Got you! *throws a Silk Shot strand towards Loreo and nabs him and spins him, and slams him hard into the ground, and then again a few more times until Loreo was nothing more than a cr?me stain on the ground* Ew…

Oreo: OH-A NO! MY BROTHER! HOW COULD YOU DO THAT!

Sean: Your turn.

Oreo: Nah-uh! *pulls out a giant sized oreo* Not with-a this! With-a this I’ll become a Supa Oreo! *chomps and grows*

Super Oreo: FEAR A-ME NOW!

Void: Sigh… Let’s go.

Shadowstrike: *jumps up and fires a Sonic Slicer at the towering cookie, only for it get lodged into him and do nothing* Aw… great. I can’t do anything to Stay Puft.

Sean: My turn! *fires a Crystal Hunter, and it too lodges in the giant clump of goo* Great.

Super Oreo: Oh-a no! You can’t a-hurt me? Too a-bad! *slams Shadow and Sean into the ground*

Shadow and Sean: Gah! *glued to the ground*

Void: Shit!

Super Oreo: Now just-a you are left! Say-a good night! *lumbers towards Void, who just flies up over him*

Void: Hmm…

Super Oreo: Get a-back down here you a coward! I’m a-gonna kill you!

Void: Come get me! *flies over towards the wall*

Super Oreo: I’M A-GONNA CRUSH-A YOU! *lumbers towards him*

Void: And… now! *fires his huge BFG laser directly into Super Oreo*

Super Oreo: OH-A NO! *falls a part and is blasted away into nothing*

Void: *blasts the cr?me off of Shadow and Sean* Come up, let’s keep going.

*On the stairs*

Dark Knight: Why do I have to drag him?

Outlaw: Because Rebel said so.

Dark Knight: No he didn’t.

Outlaw: I said he did. And that’s final.

Majin: FINAL? dun dun dun dun dunna dun dun dun ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWN WOOO!

Dark Knight: No crappy 80’s songs! *kicks Majin*

Outlaw: Hey! I like 80’s songs!

Dark Knight: No! *goes to kick Outlaw but is hit by a large object*

Outlaw: 80’s song win. Haha.

Majin: YEAH! *does a pose*

Dark Knight: You jerks! I was hit by… an Oreo… barrel?

Outlaw: Oh god… not another Oreo thing.

Dunky Kong: Ooh-ooh! *throws another barrel*

Dark Knight: NOT THIS TIME! *jumps toward it and extends his spikes* HAHA! *is hit and is now covered from head to toe in cr?me* Yeah… I didn’t think this one through very well.

Majin: MUNKY!!! *throws a wire chain at Dunky Kong* TRUK NOT MUNKY! *the chain goes deep into the cr?me monkey and stays there* GIVE THAT BACK! *throws another, it also sticks* Ruh-roh.

Dunky Kong: *roars and grabs the wire chains and swings Majin, slamming him into the wall, then the ceiling, then slams him into DK, knocking the two out for now*

Outlaw: No! No!!

Dunky Kong: *grunts*

Outlaw: Oh, you are going down you damn dirty ape! *charges*

Dunky Kong: *charges forward too, and throws a Oreo barrel at him*

Outlaw: No chance! *throws a Spin Wheel at the barrel, making it explode and evaporate. The Spin Wheel keeps going and slices through the cr?me monkey’s leg, sending him tumbling towards Outlaw* LUNCH TIME! *opens his jaws wide*

Dunky Kong: !!!! *tries to get away but…*

Outlaw: *CHOMP* Tasty.

Dark Knight: Good going… now get us out of here!

Outlaw: Hehehe. Sure. *throws Spin Wheels*

Dark Knight: GAH!

*Outside of the building*

Metabad: This rawks! *running up the side of the building*

Rebel: *climbing* Not really.

Metabad: No, it rawks! *rawks*

Rebel: Is it much further?

Metabad: About 15 stories.

Rebel: We shoulda took the stairs and made Sean come this way.

Metabad: It could be worse.

*Back in the elevator*

Sean: *shocked* OW!

Void: *also shocked* DAMN IT!

*Back outside*

Rebel: Did you say that just so it would shock him?

Metabad: Why else would I say that?

Rebel: Nice job.

Metabad: Thank you.

*Suddenly a low rumble is heard*

Rebel: You hear something?

Metabad: Yeah, I did.

???: Mwahahah!!

Rebel: Are you kidding me?

Metabad: What… is that?

???: I AM THE GREAT OREO KING! I AM THE GREAT OREOWSER. AND THIS IS MY OREO CAR!

Rebel: Sigh… Ready Metabad?

Metabad: Let’s rawk! *jumps towards the towering form of Oreowser*

Oreowser: No chance! *swats Metabad away*

Metabad: Not rawkin! *grabs back onto the building*

Rebel: Attack the car, not him! *tosses Magnet Mines at the car*

Metabad: Gotcha! *fires Speed Burners towards the car*

Oreowser: Not likely! *dodges all and starts breathing Oreo crumbs at the two, making them scramble to dodge*

Rebel: Come on! This guy is insane! *throws a Magnet Mine and guides it to the bottom propeller* That should work! *it explodes and the car wobbles* Yes!

Oreowser: Grawr! *slams his Oreo car into Rebel, slamming him against the side of the building and through it*

Rebel: Get away from me! *kicks Oreoswer in the face*

Oreowser: You’re done! *gets out of the Oreo car and slams it into Rebel, knocking him back*

Metabad: That’s it! *drop kicks towards Oreowser*

Oreowser: *spins and swats Metabad back with the Oreo car, knocking him out of the building*

Rebel: YOU ARE GOING DOWN! *throws 15 Magnet Mines into the oreo car, they explode and it becomes nothing more than vapor* NOW FOR YOU! *pounces onto Oreowser. He hits him with such a force the two crash through the floor and he starts tearing into the Oreo King*

Oreowser: GET OFF OF ME! *spins and knocks Rebel off*

Metabad: BIG MISTAKE! *flame kicks Oreowser*

Oreowser: GRAWL!! *latches onto Metabad, and slams him into the next floor and they go through it*

Metabad: Grr… you filthy Oreo! *kicks the Oreo turtle off of him and quickly spins and kicks him towards the window. The giant Oreo goes flying out of it*

Oreowser: *goes to grab back towards the window*

Rebel: NO CHANCE! *drop kicks the beast and sends it flying towards the ground at terminal velocity*

Oreowser: *growls and grabs at Rebel, but misses* YOU HAVEN’T SEEN THE LAST OF MEEEE–*slams into the ground*

Rebel: That was tougher than it should have been…

Metabad: Yeah, but it still rawks.

Rebel: You know it! *rawks*

Metabad: *rawks*

*Later, inside the building*

Sean: An Oreo Donkey Kong?

Dark Knight: Yeah. Believe it?

Sean: I don’t get what it is with Trump and these Oreo Nintendo characters.

Rebel: MEN! STAND BEFORE ME!

*They do so*

Rebel: I thank you. You have followed me through many a peril. Many Oreo enemies, some we haven’t seen before. I now ask you: There is one more challenge. Through that door, lies our greatest enemy. A Mr. Donald Trump. Will you follow me? I can not guarantee you will all survive. Do I have all of you?

Outlaw: You have my wheel!

Shadowstrike: You have my slicers!

Sean: You have my crystals!

Majin: YOU HAZ MY CHAINZ!

Metabad: You have my flames!

Dark Knight: You have my bubbles!

Void: Give me a break… *gets looked at* Okay, okay, you have my silk.

Rebel: Men, no. My friends. Thank you! Now are you READY?

Everyone else: YAAA!

Rebel: NOW LET’S GO! *charges through the door*

*Silence*

*A single clap is heard, then another*

Trump: Long time no see, Island Attackers. I must admit I did not expect to see you again like this. I must commend your efforts. But you see, it was all in vain.

Rebel: GIVE UP THE SODA!

Trump: Heheh. No chance. You can’t win this one. For the soda machine… wants to stay… with me. *snaps fingers and the soda machine starts the spark and shine, and soon its form changes and becomes almost transformer like*

Dispensor: You fools! Trump created me, why would I go with you?

Outlaw: He’s pure evil!

Dispensor: So. Am. I.

Rebel: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

Void: *slaps Rebel*

Rebel: Thanks Void. That can’t be true! COKE IS UNCORRUPTABLE!

Dispensor: He infused the pure essence of Pepsi into each can inside me.

Rebel: You… you… YOU FIEND! *throws a Magnet Mine at Trump*

Trump: You fool. *swats the mine towards Sean*

Sean: Gah!

Majin: *uses his chain to knock the mine away*

Sean: Thanks.

Rebel: CIA! ATTACK! *jumps towards Dispensor, only to be knocked out of the air by a can* IT BURNS!!!

Dark Knight: *splashes Rebel with Bubble Splash*

Shadowstrike: Sean! Hide in your shell!

Sean: Okay! *hides in his shell*

Shadowstrike: TAKE THIS! *kicks Sean at the enemy*

Sean: I DIDN’T AGREE TO THIS! *slams into Dispensor*

Shadowstrike: *kicks the rebounding shell back into the large robot*

Dispensor: You die. Now. *intercepts Sean and slams him into the ground, knocking him out*

Rebel: Shadow! That was reckless!

Shadowstrike: Sorry… I… thought… never mind. *jumps back firing Sonic Slicers*

Outlaw: *uses his drill spin to bore into the giant robot* This thing is tough…

Dispensor: Yes. I am. For I was made by the Glorious Master Trump.

Void: Why can’t this be a short fight?

Dispensor: For that you go down next! *starts to chain fire cans towards the moth*

Void: Nice aim! *dodges each one*

Rebel: YOU FAKER! *tosses a Magnet Mine onto it’s can launcher. It explodes and the gun is broken* NO ATTACKS NOW HUH?

Dispensor: Wrong. The glorious Trump has given me another attack for which to destroy you. *a large nozzle appears over his shoulder. He aims towards Rebel and starts to blast high pressure Coca-Cola*

Rebel: *nimbly dodging* Any other day this would be heaven… *disappears and reappears behind Majin*

Majin: GASP!!!

Rebel: Majin, I need you to start charging your thunderbolt.

Majin: OKEZ! *does so*

Rebel: DISTRACT HIM! *throws Magnet Mines at Dispensor*

Dispensor: Failure. *blasts them out of the air* You miserable failure.

Shadowstrike: *fires a Sonic Slicer, getting Dispensor’s attention quickly*

Dispensor: *starts to fire towards Shadow*

Metabad: HEY OVER HERE! *flame kicks Dispensor in the knee*

Dispensor: *starts to get lost with all the targets*

Dark Knight: *throws himself towards the giant robot, spikes out*

Void: *throws a Silk Shot at DK, stopping him* Trust me!

Dark Knight: Go for it!

Void: *starts to use DK like a mace*

Rebel: Good thinking. Everyone! KEEP IT UP!

*Everyone keeps attacking Dispensor, who can’t even lock on for longer than a second onto any of the CIA*

Majin: Done! *fires the giant electric beam into the nozzle of the giant robot, shocking its reserve of soda, and causing the robot to explode*

Trump: Sigh… another minion destroyed. Yet again, I must leave.

Outlaw: No, you’re going back to jail where you belong, Trump!

Trump: That is impossible. For you see, we are eternal enemies, no matter where the time or place. Goodbye CIA. We will meet again. *teleports out*

Rebel: NO! GET BACK HERE! *falls to his knees* WAS IT WORTH IT? ALL THIS PAIN AND LOSS? *tears off his shirt* WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHY???? WE WERE THE CHOSEN PEOPLE!!!

Void: Let’s… just get out of here…

Dark Knight: Rebel was wearing a shirt?

Metabad: That was rawkin!

*Later, in the Whale King…*

Void: Don’t worry Rebel, you’ll find it one day.

Rebel: I know I will. I can sense it. It’s vague… but it it’s out there. And I’m making it my life’s mission to find it! *places hand on the window* For… it will… complete me…

The End