Posts Tagged ‘silly’

Hazy Day

June 7, 2015

This was a one act play I wrote a long while ago. Looking at it now I can see that I’ve improved, and that this isn’t nearly as good as some of my C:IA stuff.  I figured I would share it anyway.

Hazy Day

By: Andrew Felson

Characters:

MATT: Slacker college student. Fairly bright but very lazy. Dressed punk rocker style.

JANE: MATT’S Girlfriend. On the bossy side. Dressed “preppy.”

CHRIS: MATT’S friend. Rebellious. Dressed in the grunge style.

KYLE: MATT’S friend. Hard working and very smart. Dressed “preppy.”

  1. PARKER: Math professor. Dressed formal.

Scene: 1

The room is dimly lit as MATT walks onstage. He is walking slowly with a bit of a slump. He is headed towards something but right now it is too dark for us to see.

MATT

(Yawning) Oh man, what a night. Thought I’d never get that stupid report done.

(MATT stretches out his arms out and walks over to the bed that has now become spot-lighted as well. The bed is located at the furthest right corner of the stage.)

MATT

Time to hit the sack.

(MATT doesn’t even bother to pull the covers down. He simply flops face first on the pillow and quickly finds a comfortable position. There is a moment of silence; then very loudly an alarm clock goes off and a face of a clock is illuminated on the wall showing 7:00. MATT is jolted and tumbles to the floor.)

MATT

Damn!

(MATT runs offstage. He returns but now closer to the front of the stage.)

Scene 2

(The stage is now fully lit and we see that he is in front of a college campus. Two people standing in front of the entrance. He walks towards them.)

MATT

I can’t believe its morning already. (Calling) Chris; Kyle, what up guys?

CHRIS

Yo Matt, you running late for your algebra class?

MATT

I still have a few minutes. (Yawns) Damn, am I tired.

KYLE

What did you do? Party all night or something?

MATT

Nahh, I was finishing that English report that’s due

today.

KYLE

Finishing, or just starting?

MATT

(Chuckling) Yeah, that too. I’ve never pulled an all-nighter before. Feels really weird to not have slept. I’m so drowsy that I nearly walked into a stop sign on the way here.

(MATT rubs his eyes for a moment.)

CHRIS

Jane was looking for you. Said she would meet you in class later.

MATT

Huh? Did you just say Jane made a pass at Wally Gator?

(CHRIS and KYLE look at each other, and then start laughing.)

CHRIS

Man, you really are out of it, huh?

MATT

Whoa, that one passed right through the filter.

KYLE

The what?

MATT

The filter. You know; the thing that blocks you from saying the stuff that pops in your head? It’s what stops you from putting your foot in your mouth, most of the time anyway.

CHRIS

(To KYLE): I can’t believe you’ve never heard of that.

KYLE

I know what you’re talking about; I just call it common sense.

MATT

Common sense is a dumb phrase. If sense were really common, everyone would have some.

CHRIS

Very true. But what would we call it then?

MATT

Uncommon sense would be too unoriginal. Is there a word that means some people have it and others don’t? Like some are rich and others are poor?

KYLE

I don’t think so.  Even if there was it would get banned faster than it got made.

(MATT yawns loudly again and checks his watch.)

MATT

Damn I’m going to be late! I gotta get to class. This day can’t end soon enough.

KYLE

See you after class.

CHRIS

Later, dude.

KYLE

Think he’ll make it through the day?

CHRIS

Can the government make smart decisions?

(Both laugh as they walk offstage.)

Scene 3

(MATT enters the door and sits at his desk and puts his head down. He is just about to nod off when JANE walks in and taps him on the back.)

JANE

(Playfully) Get up, you!

MATT

(Groggily) Hmmuhhhh.. What? Oh hey, babe. What’s up?

JANE

By the looks of things, certainly not you.

MATT

Very funny. We don’t have a test or anything today, do we? I can hardly keep my eyes open, a test is something I can’t handle right now.

JANE

No test, but we‘re reviewing for one so you need to pay attention.

MATT

(Sarcastically) Great. How come you decided to take this class on the days I didn’t?

JANE

Because if we were here together, you would be thinking of me and not the class.

MATT

Good point. Why do you care so much about how I do?

JANE

Because I’m your girlfriend and I care about you, and besides what would my friends think if I was dating a loser?

(Brief pause as MATT gives her a hard look)

JANE

Of course I was joking. But I want you to succeed in life.

MATT

I’ll make due, don’t worry. The world won’t end if I can’t master the quadratic formula.
(MR. PARKER walks in.)

JANE

I’ll see you after class.

(JANE leaves.)

  1. PARKER

Good morning everyone. I trust you are ready to go over the material for your next test.

MATT

(To himself) Not really.

  1. PARKER

After this test we will begin more complex functions. I expect everyone to do well on this exam so I’m very excited to see the results.

MATT

(Sarcastically and very loud) More excited than a fat guy at a bake sale.

(MATT puts his hand over his mouth. MR. PARKER glares at him.)

  1. PARKER

(Sternly) Is there a problem Matt?

MATT

No sir! Sorry.

  1. PARKER

(Sternly) Any more outbursts like that and you can forget about that extra credit you have been bugging me for. Now then, let’s get started.

MATT

(To himself) Jerk.

(MATT puts his head down again. The stage goes dim and strange music begins to play. MATT gets up and looks around bewildered.)

MATT

What the hell?

(A line of deer wearing top hats dance onto the stage and the music gets slightly louder. MATT backs away from his desk as he watches the deer dance around.)

MATT

I’m not sure if I should be scared, or entertained.

(The deer circle around MATT while the music gets louder and louder.)

MATT

Stop! This is madness!

(The stage goes black for a minute. When it lights back up, MATT is back in his desk.)

MATT

(Shouts) Deer!

  1. PARKER

What?

(MATT looks around the room confused. The rest of the class has gone.)

MATT

Um… Sorry about that.

  1. PARKER

Are you aware that you were making strange noises? I hope you find time to study over the weekend because you are going to need it. Now get out of here!

(MATT gets up and walks out of the room, shaking his head and yawning.)

Scene 4

(JANE comes back onstage.)

JANE

So how did it go?

MATT

I’m not too sure actually. I fell asleep during class.

JANE

(Scolding): You can’t be doing that you know, Matt. What if you fail this class? I don’t want you too far behind me.

MATT

I’m not going to fail. I’ll just have to study hard this weekend. Thank God today’s Friday.

(JANE starts to shake a bit.)

JANE

We had plans this weekend remember? Fridays at Fridays.

MATT

I know, I know. I’m going to take a long nap when I get home. I’ll set my alarm for seven and pick you up a little after that.

(JANE now begins to pace while still jerking around)

JANE

Seven! Seven! Twenty-four and a third! Snake eyes!

MATT

Jane?

JANE

Jane, Jane, Aero-plain! Once had a life, now we’re the same!

(MATT begins to back up as JANE moves towards him, now with a whip in her hand, she follows his every move.)

MATT

(Alarmed) Jane, what the hell is the matter with you?

JANE

(Singing) Same, same, what a shame. Can’t do math with little brain. Jane Jane; in the lane. I’ve got you on my chain.

MATT

The same? Are you trying to tell me I’m becoming you? You aren’t making sense! And my brain’s just fine!

JANE

No need for sense, you follow what I say. When nonsense is normal, normality becomes taboo. I say, you do.

(JANE follows MATT all along the stage and whips at him a few times until he stumbles and falls over. The stage darkens. When it lights back up again, MATT is sleeping in his desk in MR. PARKER’S room.)

Scene 5

MATT

(Muttering): Say and do.

(MR. PARKER goes over and taps MATT who yells the moment he does and nearly falls out of his chair.)

  1. PARKER

Are you ok? What in the world was all that about?

(MATT looks around totally bewildered. The rest of the class is leaving.)

MATT

Did either Jane or a bunch of deer come in here?

Mr. Parker: Shouldn’t you wait until after school to get drunk?

MATT

Never mind.

(MATT gets up and goes to the door of the classroom. When he opens the door the lights go dark red and sounds of a violent thunderstorm play. He quickly shuts the door and the color goes normal and the sound stops. MATT looks confused and opens the door again, but for a shorter time and gets the same result as last time. At a faster pace he opens and closes the door and the sound and lights correspond each time. Closes the door again and then leans against it and goes into a thinker pose. He turns and opens the door, but only a crack. The stage goes slightly red and the thunder is soft. MATT closes the door; notices MR. PARKER is still in the room.)

MATT

Have you noticed anything strange going on?

  1. PARKER

Nothing is strange. Strange is everything.

MATT

I….. Don’t follow.

  1. PARKER

That’s the problem young man. You don’t follow. You don’t follow instructions, you don’t follow the norm, and you don’t follow advice.

MATT

We can’t all be followers. What is wrong with going against the norm?

  1. PARKER

Always questions from you. You should never question authority!

MATT

So you want me to blindly follow you just because of your status? I can make up my own mind and find my own way.

  1. PARKER

Robotic/monotone) Follow the leader.

MATT

What?

  1. PARKER

(Robotic/monotone) Follow the leader follow the leader…

(MR. PARKER repeats this line over and over and begins to walk along the stage. A windup key is sticking out of his back. He walks past MATT who has a dumbfounded look on his face.)

MATT

I always thought you were a tool but this is too much.

(MR. PARKER goes to the door and opens it. The stage goes dark. When it lights back up again, MATT is back sleeping in his desk. MR. PARKER sticks his head through the door.)

  1. PARKER

(Ticked off) Matt, you can wake up now, class is over.

MATT

(Groggy.) Mmmmwha? Oh, thanks Mr. Roboto.

  1. PARKER

(Still ticked) Real cute. It will be interesting to see how you do on the test Monday.

MATT

Only fascists have tests on a Monday.

Scene 6

(MR. PARKER leaves. MATT gets up and heads for the now closed door. He hesitates when he gets to it. Slowly he grabs the knob and turns. He sticks his head out of the door and looks around first then re-closes the door. He turns so we can see his face as he wipes his brow and looks relieved. He exits through the door.)

MATT

Man this is a weird day.

(He sees JANE waiting for him and jumps back. He cautiously walks over to her.)

JANE

What’s the matter with you?

MATT

You wouldn’t happen to have a whip or chain on you by any chance?

JANE

Huh? What am I, Cat-woman?

MATT

Forget it. Just a daydream.

JANE

(Scolding): You can’t be doing that you know, Matt. What if you fail this class? I don’t want you too far behind me.

(MATT steps back and looks at her funny.)

JANE

What’s wrong?

MATT

Just déjà vu. I’ll take care of it, don’t worry.

JANE

Are you at least a bit more rested now since you slept through class?

MATT

Actually I feel more tired now than when I went in there. I’m going to the vending machine and see if it has any Pop-Tarts.

JANE

That’s a nice healthy way to start the day, huh?

MATT

Breakfast of champion college students.

(MATT walks offstage stumbling here and there. CHRIS and KYLE walk on from the opposite side and meet up with JANE.)

JANE

HHey guys.

CHRIS

You seen Matt today? He’s really out of it.

JANE

Yeah I did. Serves him right.

KYLE

Bit harsh coming from his girlfriend.

JANE

I know, but he’s such a slacker it drives me crazy. I want him to do better but my plan doesn’t seem to be working as fast as I would like.

CHRIS

Plan?

JANE

My plan for changing him, of course.

KYLE

What are you talking about?

JANE

Every woman tries to shape up her man. Some like Matt need more work than others.

CHRIS

What are you trying to do, make him like your puppy?

JANE

No, not like that; his personality is what I fell in love with. It’s his habits and his attitude that need fixing.

KYLE

You can’t just fix somebody.

JANE

My mother was right, guys just don’t get it.

KYLE

Does Matt know he’s being trained?

JANE

Of course not. Most guys never realize it, and the one’s who do tend to go along with it anyway.

CHRIS

Probably because it’s too late for them to be saved.

JANE

Right, too la.. Hey that’s not it! It’s out of love.

KYLE

Wouldn’t loving him no matter what his habits are be better?

JANE

You read too much. Love is never that simple.

CHRIS

(To KYLE) Dude, there is no way I’m falling for that. Next girl who tries to change me is in for a surprise.

KYLE

Yeah, once she finds out you’re unfixable she’ll just dump you.

CHRIS

Whose side are you on anyway?

JANE

I shouldn’t have told you guys this.

(MATT comes back on stage. He is walking slower now and is slouching much more.)

JANE

There’s Matt now. If either of you say anything about what I told you, I’ll break your arms.

CHRIS

Fine, but he’ll figure it out eventually.

KYLE

Hey Matt.

(MATT walks right past everybody without noticing.)

JANE

Matt?

(The three look at each other for a minute, a bit confused.)

KYLE

(Yelling) Matt!

MATT

Huh? Oh hey guys, when did you get here?

CHRIS

Dude, you’re really creeping me out.

MATT

If I got some food it would be different.

JANE

What happened to Pop-Tarts?

MATT

In my rush to get here this morning, I forgot my wallet at home. I could see my favorite flavor in the vending machine, and they were dangling a little bit. It was almost as if they were taunting me.

KYLE

Why didn’t you just shake the thing then?

MATT

It was bolted to the ground. Plus I didn’t have the energy to try. How were your classes?

CHRIS

I was watching a squirrel run up and down a tree.

JANE

As opposed to paying attention to the instructor.

CHRIS

It was such a boring lecture. Why should we even bother to study history anyway? It’s all in the past, over and done with.

KYLE

That would make it history, alright.

CHRIS

Dude; shut up.

KYLE

(Laughing) So did the squirrel do anything else?

CHRIS

Yeah, it ran over to this guy on a bench. He had a bag of peanuts and when he wasn’t looking, the squirrel took the whole thing! I was so into watching it that when the instructor called my name I blurted out that I was watching some guy’s nuts being stolen.

(They all laugh a bit at this, even JANE who normally does not like that sort of humor.)

MATT

How bout you, Kyle?

KYLE

Nothing that entertaining happened to me but I enjoyed the lecture. We were going over cells so I was really into it.

CHRIS

How in the world can you sit through all that?

KYLE

It’s interesting. The fact that everything we see is made up of billions of tiny organisms just amazes me. The fact that there can be a whole universe within a universe is worth my time and attention.

MATT

Thanks for the info, Mr. Wizard.

KYLE

Science is my thing, what can I say?

CHRIS

Alright, brainiac, you can quit rubbing it in. We can’t all be here on scholarships.

JANE

He isn’t rubbing it in, guys. He just worked hard to get here, unlike some people I know. Chris, you haven’t even picked a major yet.

CHRIS

Why bother to pick a major when they make you take a ton of classes that won’t have anything to do with it? I may as well get all those out of the way and chose after.

MATT

That bothers me too. What’s the point in having to take two math or two science classes when you are majoring in art?

JANE

They do that so you have a more rounded education. They don’t want stupid people everywhere.

MATT

Seems like a big waste of time and money to me.

CHRIS

It’s the government’s fault.

JANE

Here we go again.

CHRIS

(Angrily) It’s true; they make up these impossible rules and regulations in order for them to get more of our money.

JANE

Oh please, you blame the government for everything. Next thing you’ll tell me is how they hide aliens from us.

(MATT sways a little bit and tilts his head back.)

CHRIS

You read that article too?

JANE

Kyle, back me up here. The government isn’t as bad as Chris is always trying to make it out.

KYLE

Well…

CHRIS

Dude, don’t take her side on this; think of the scandals we’ve seen.

KYLE

The thing is…

JANE

(Annoyed) Its no good arguing politics with you Chris, you’re far too hard headed.

CHRIS

(Annoyed) Conservative scum!

JANE

Liberal scum!

CHRIS

Republican!

JANE

Democrat!

KYLE

Communist pig!

(JANE and CHRIS stop and look at KYLE who shrugs and grins. JANE and CHRIS cool down and laugh a little.)

JANE

Maybe you should consider going into politics if you want change so bad.

CHRIS

Maybe, but then wouldn’t I be a sellout?

JANE

We are all sellouts at heart. We just all have different price tags.

KYLE

(Laughing) I think Matt is sleeping.

(They all look and sure enough MATT is out on his feet, snoring a little. JANE shakes her head.)

JANE

I just hope he learns a lesson from all this.

CHRIS

Let’s poke him and see what he does.

KYLE

I’ve never seen anyone asleep on their feet before. I always thought it was just a figure of speech or a myth or something.

(KYLE goes around MATT to inspect him while CHRIS lightly pokes MATT’S arm.)

KYLE

Don’t poke him too hard or he’ll topple over.

CHRIS

I’m not. Try it, this is really fun.

(KYLE starts poking MATT’S other arm. JANE walks up behind them both.)

CHRIS

Gonna join the fun Jane?

JANE

(Screams)

(All three boys jump and yell in surprise. MATT more so and falls backwards. KYLE and CHRIS nearly collide as well.)

CHRIS

(Angry) What the hell was that for?

JANE

Now that was funny.

KYLE

Nearly gave me a heart attack. You ok, Matt?

(KYLE helps the still shaken MATT to his feet.)

MATT

I’m good, and as soon as my pulse returns I’ll be even better.

JANE

Like I said before; serves you right for slacking off.

CHRIS

You could have at least warned Kyle and me.

JANE

Where would the fun in that be?

KYLE

It was kinda funny.

CHRIS

Stop taking her side! What are you, in love with her or something?

MATT

Don’t be ridiculous. Jane and Kyle would never go behind my back like that.

(Both JANE and KYLE look at each other then to the floor. They shuffle their feet and look uncomfortable.)

MATT

(Worried)Right, Jane? Jane? No. You didn’t?

JANE

Well…

KYLE

Um….

CHRIS

(Enraged) I knew it! It’s always a conspiracy, there’s always something going on.

JANE

It’s complicated Matt, but Kyle is a better investment than you are.

MATT

Jane, how could you! Kyle, what the hell man?!

KYLE

I’m sorry Matt, really, but Jane and I have been together for a long time. We just couldn’t come up with a good way to break it to you.

(The light starts to get red and the sound of the storm faintly begins.)

MATT

Why, Jane? What did I do to make this happen?

JANE

(Angry) Why? Why!? You wouldn’t change! You were you!

KYLE

(Angry) I’m tired of being your crutch when it comes to reason and your studies.

CHRIS

(Ranting) Traitors! That’s all they really are, no truth…

(CHRIS begins to pace in a circle flailing his arms and yelling angrily. A few of the dancing deer come onstage and dance in the background. Only MATT looks their way. The light has gone redder and the sound louder.)

MATT

This… is nuts!

KYLE

You never studied; you never worked hard to get here. Just partied and had a good time while I…

JANE

You wouldn’t become the better man I thought you could be! You never followed…

(“Windup” MR. PARKER comes back onstage. He repeats the line “follow the leader” as he walks along the stage. The light is now at its reddest and the sound the loudest. MATT holds his hands over his ears, but everyone else is unaffected.)

JANE

(Shouting) Become the man!

KYLE

(Shouting) Embrace knowledge!

CHRIS

(Shouting) Trust no one!

(Everyone onstage turns towards MATT and walks towards him while pointing. MATT backs away.)

MATT

No; stay back. I’m happy with what and who I turned out to be. Leave me alone!

(MATT falls down near the back of the stage. The stage goes pitch black but the sound stays for a minute before turning into the sound of the alarm. The face of the clock reads 7:00. The stage lights back up and everyone except MATT is gone. He looks around.)

MATT

(Panting) Whew; Just a dream. Chris and Kyle will get a kick out of it for sure. Jane will be ticked if I forget about our plans tonight. I’d better hurry up or I’ll be late.

(MATT gets up and gathers his things. He heads for the exit but stops short.)

MATT

Wait a minute. Who the hell are they?

Curtain close.

Andrew Felson

Mankind89032@aol.com

Bermuda Shorts # 3

February 16, 2015

Insightful Thought #3
By Outlaw88

Narrator: And now, an insightful thought.

*Dramatic music*

Narrator: This week’s guest: Majin

Majin: ZZZZZZZZ… *gets poked with a stick* To dream is to follow your heart. To follow your heart is to go on with pride. To play with the world allows us to sleep with dignity. To be able to love is the highest gift of all.

To remember where you came from will help you not to lose where you are going.

Narrator: *Jawdrop*

Majin: I only had me a keg today. Not as buzzzzzzzzed yet.

Narrator: This has been an Insightful Thought.

The End

* * *

A Lifetime in Two Days
By Rebel40000

Dark Knight: *watching TV* Bleh, there’s nothing on. *changes the channel*

Salesman: *on TV* Heeey, there! Are you bored with your life?

Dark Knight: No, not really–

Salesman: Do you wish you could add some “fun” in your day?

Dark Knight: Well, maybe–

Salesman: Or at least find something good to watch on TV!?

Dark Knight: Um–

Salesman: Then try the “Super Turbo Remote Controller”! With this, you can flip through channels at light speed, until you find perfect channel meant for you!

Dark Knight: But I–

Salesman: How does it work? Simple! Just push the big red button on the remote and you will enter light speed, causing your TV to scroll through all of your channels faster than the blink of an eye! On top of that, utilizing the sensor on the remote’s button causes it to determine exactly what you want to watch!

Dark Knight: Sounds interesting, but–

Salesman: And we have a limited time offer! If you dial this number now *a number appears at the bottom of the screen* then you will receive the “Super Turbo Remote Controller” for absolutely free! That’s right, absolutely free for your entire lifetime!

Dark Knight: My entire lifetime!? I’m in! *grabs phone and starts dialing* Yeah, hello? I want that “Super Turbo Remote Controller” that is being sold for a whole free lifetime. Yeah, that one. All right, here is my mailing address and credit card number…

*Two weeks later…*

Dark Knight: *receives a package* All right! Light speed channel surfing, here I come! *opens box and finds a letter* Huh? A letter? *reads*

“Dear Dark Knight,

Thank you for purchasing the “Super Turbo Remote Controller”! We hope you enjoy the two free trial days that come with this fabulous gift! After the two free day trial, you will be automatically charge $35.98 every month. Enjoy!”

Dark Knight: WHAAAAAAAT!? I’ve been had!

*Doorbell rings*

Dark Knight: Now what? *opens door and finds two more packages addressed to him* What the Hell!? *opens them and finds similar letters charging him* I didn’t order these! Why those lousy… *sees the remote* Well, at least I’ve got the remote. Might as well check it out…

*Thus Dark Knight walks over to the living room and sits down in front of the TV.*

Dark Knight: All right, lightspeed surfing here I come! *presses the button and nothing happens* …What? *presses the button more* What is wrong with this thing!? Does it need batteries!?

*Panicking, Dark Knight grabs the remote to try and find the battery casing, only to find that there is none.*

Dark Knight: No… no… *gets on knees and clutches his head* NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

The End

* * *

Bedtime Story
By Outlaw88

*One night in the living room, Rebel, Outlaw, and Shadow were watching a movie.*

Shadowstrike: That car got crushed like it was tin foil!

Rebel: Hell yeah!

Outlaw: Did that guy’s head just explode?!

Rebel: Super Action Movie 5 is kick-ass awesome.

Shadowstrike: You said it!

*Avi enters*

Avi: What are you younguns doing up so late?

Rebel: What do you mean late?

Outlaw: Yeah, it’s only, like 11:30. This is early for us.

Avi: Yes I think you should get early starts in the morning, too.

Shadowstrike: I think her hearing went out. Go away Avi, we’re watching a movie here.

Avi: My hearing is just fine and I’ll hear no more arguing from the three of you. Time for bed. If you do it now I’ll read you a story.

Rebel: Go away, you crazy old coot.

Outlaw: Yeah this is the best part.

Avi: You asked for it.

*After several bashes to the head the three of them are tucked into bed.*

Rebel: Can either of you guys move?

Outlaw: Nope.

Shadowstrike: Nope.

Rebel: Damn… Why did she put Outlaw in the middle? You smell like a foot covered in cheese that was left out in the sun.

Shadowstrike: And since when did we own a bed this big?

Avi: Hush now, children. It’s story time!

Outlaw: Well, at least we’ll get some entertainment out of this.

*Avi sits down in a rocking chair. She pulls out and book and opens it.*

Shadowstrike: Uh, Avi, thats upside…

Avi: Hush now!

Rebel: Just shut up and let her read. The faster she gets done the faster she’ll leave.

Outlaw: So we hope.

Avi: *Ahem* Once upon a rock there was a time that rolled down a hill.

Rebel: What the hell? *gets bopped*

Avi: No swearing!

Shadowstrike: Ha ha, you got hit.

Avi: Quiet you.

Outlaw: Resume.

Avi: At the bottom of the hill was a giant ant named Biff. He has nothing to do with the hero of the pack of gum that was in peril of being hit by a golf club.

Shadowstrike: This is making my head hurt.

Avi: I told you to be quiet.

*Avi shoves a pacifier in Shadow’s mouth.*

Shadowstrike: MMMMMMMM!!!

Outlaw: This is so weird but strangly captivating.

Avi: On the far shore near the fire hydrant there was a magic pair of pants that went on a journy to find his lost pudding cup. He talked to the three knee’ed sloth about the times and the sea shell that once ate a monster truck.

Rebel: I am checking you in to a mental hospital you crazy… *gets bopped*

Avi: No interrupting!

Rebel: SON OF A… *gets bopped*

Avi: No swearing!

Shadowstrike: *sucksuck* Ya know… This isn’t so bad.

Rebel: I’m going to cripple you if you say that again.

Outlaw: So then what happened?

Avi: Right right. So anyway there was this fruit bat who knew the secrets of the forbidden paper clip. This made the cooking oil the president and the belly button lint became the answer to life itself. And they all lived happily ever after. The End.

Rebel: That was…

Shadowstrike: *Suck* Messed up.

Avi: Well that’s it. Good night children!

*Avi turns the lights off and leaves.*

Rebel: Ok she’s gone. Let’s get out of here.

Shadowstrike: *Sucksuck*

Rebel: Spit that out!

Shadowstrike: Awww…

Rebel: Ok, cut us out of here Outlaw.

Shadowstrike: Outlaw?

Outlaw: Zzzzzzzzzzz…

The End

* * *

Unspirited
By Outlaw88

*In the living room area DK and Shadow are playing the Ghostbusters video game*

Dark Knight: YEAH! Trapped another one.

Shadowstrike: Causing massive property damage is fun.

Dark Knight: It really is true. Busting makes you feel good.

Shadowstrike: I don’t know. Something about this doesn’t seem right.

Dark Knight: What the hell are you talking about? What can be wrong with us zapping ghosts?

Shadowstrike: *Pauses the game* Don’t some ghosts deserve some peace after death?

Dark Knight: What?!

Shadowstrike: What if a ghost was just hanging around not bothering anybody? Why would they trap it?

Dark Knight: Look, once you die and wind up a ghost you have no rights. They can shoot you, trap you, and put you in a containment unit, and charge an obscene amount of money for it.

Shadowstrike: What ever happened to respect for the dead?

Dark Knight: Screw that, its all about living.

Shadowstrike: If I died and became a ghost, would you…

Dark Knight: In a heartbeat.

Shadowstrike: You would zap me and trap me?!

Dark Knight: Yes, and if you don’t un-pause the game I’ll make sure it happens soon.

*Shadow gets the game going again.*

Shadowstrike: You’re evil.

Dark Knight: I know.

The End

* * *

Surprise Surprise
By Rebel40000

Metabad: It could be worse.

Sean: *shocked* Ow.

Metabad: It could be worse.

Sean: *shocked* Ow.

Metabad: It could be worse.

Sean: *shocked* Ow.

Metabad: It could be worse.

Sean: *shocked* Ow.

Metabad: It could be worse.

Sean: *shocked* Ow.

Metabad: It could be worse.

Sean: *shocked* Damn it, that’s it. I am sick of getting shocked!

Metabad: Soooooo?

Sean: So, I am going to teach you some manners in proper etiquette!

Metabad: No way, man! NO WAY!! *gets dragged off by Sean*

*A shortwhile later, in a make-shift classroom*

Sean: …And that is that. Questions?

Metabad: *raises hand*

Sean: Yes?

Metabad: So, do I haaaaave to say hello?

Sean: *facepalms* At this rate, I am going to end up like Majin… Look, let me get down to the basics here. Whenever you first meet someone, the proper thing to do is give that person a friendly greeting, which means NOT shocking them or activating their curse and causing pain and misfortune on them…

Metabad: *blinks*

Dark Knight: *sneaks up behind Sean*

Metabad: *blinks*

Sean: …Because, if you were to act in such a manner toward people on a regular basis, then…

Metabad: *blinks*

Dark Knight: *readies self*

Metabad: *blinks*

Sean: …Thus no good will ever come from this current behavior. Any comments?

Metabad: He’s got a bazooka!

Sean: Wait what–

KABOOM!!

Dark Knight: Mwahahahah! *runs out of the classroom*

Metabad: So do I pass, teach!?

Sean: *is in pieces on the floor* Yeah… sure… whatever…

Metabad: RAWKIN’!! *rawks out of the classroom*

Sean: I… hate… my life…

Metabad: *pokes head back in* It could be worse.

Sean: *shocked* Damn it…

The End

Ring Warrior

February 7, 2015

*Written by Outlaw88*

Rebel: I said get out! Leave me alone!

Outlaw: Fine…

*Outlaw sadly walks to his own room and closes the door behind him. He picks up a framed picture that shows the team doing a funny pose.*

Outlaw: I guess that’s it then. No one cares anymore.

*With a sigh he puts the picture back down. He then gets a duffel bag and begins to gather some of his belongings.*

Outlaw: I did my best to keep things together but it wasn’t enough. I’ve let them down. But… What should I…

*Outlaw sees his Pro Reploid Wrestling poster on the wall and an idea hits him.*

Outlaw: Yeah… Why not? All I need is a costume and find a place that will train me.

*He leaves his room to find materials. A few days later…*

Outlaw: That was tougher than I thought but it’s done.

*He stuffs the costume in the duffel bag. He is about to leave his room but glances at the picture. He picks it up and puts it in the duffel bag and heads for the exit. He passes Metabad and Majin.*

Metabad: I’m telling you, it wasn’t really butter.

Majin: I no believe you. Hic!

*They see Outlaw as he starts to open the door. Metabad notices the duffel bag.*

Metabad: Hey man, where are you going?

Outlaw: I’m going to live the dream, dude.

*Outlaw jumps out.*

Metabad: I wonder if he knew we were flying.

Outlaw: *free-falling* WEEEEE!!! I’m pretty sure we were flying low enough to not make the emergency device go off so that’s good. What’s bad is that I can’t see the lake I was aiming for through all these clouds. Eh, I’m sure it will be fine.

*After clearing the clouds he sees the ground fast approaching.*

Outlaw: Aw cr–*BAM!*–ap… Ow…

*He gets up and dusts himself off. After climbing out of the crater he made he sees that he isn’t far from the city. He heads in.*

Outlaw: Now to find a gym that trains for the P.R.W. Now where did I put that map?

*Outlaw searches his bag and eventually finds a piece of paper. There are names and locations listed on it…*

Outlaw: Ok now, let’s see…

*A loud clap of thunder breaks his concentration and rain comes pouring down. Outlaw’s map is instantly soaked and ruined before he has a chance to read it. He gives a shrug and starts walking.*

Outlaw: I’ve been meaning to explore this city anyway. How hard can it be to find a wrestling gym?

*Several hours of wandering in the rain later…*

Outlaw: Man, this city is built like a maze. I am so lost.

*As he passes a lamp post he notices an ad.*

Outlaw: Score!

*The ad reads: Do you want to pursue a life of sports entertainment? Are you looking for a new life? Are you willing to put your body in harms way in highly dangerous, almost suicidal, levels of competition? *

Outlaw: Yeah!

*Ad: Then join us at the Bone Crusher Wrestling Gym! We’ll make you scream for mercy. We are conveniently located right behind you. *

Outlaw: Huh?

*Sure enough, there it is. Outlaw grins and walks inside. There are several wrestling rings and plenty of exercise equipment. There are lots of other reploids training in various ways.*

Outlaw: Awesome.

*He is approached by an old man.*

Man: Hey! Stop standing there looking stupid and get a towel! Stop dripping on my floor and blocking my door!

Outlaw: Sorry!

*Outlaw walks to the corner and pulls out a towel from his bag. The old man has followed him.*

Man: What brings you here?

Outlaw: I want to be a wrestler!

Man: No, I mean, what brought you here to be a wrestler? Are you running from something? No family? No friends? No ideas for the future?

Outlaw: All of the above.

Man: Good! That gives us the best results!

Outlaw: Say… You look familiar. Have I seen you before?

Man: I’m sure you have. In my prime I was on top; world champion, main events in sold out arenas all over the world, fame and fortune. Now I’m a broken down old man. I’m Randy “The Ram” Robinson and this is my gym.

Outlaw: Wow! It’s an honor to meet you!

*Outlaw extends his hand. Randy takes it and hurls Outlaw into a ring.*

Randy: Save it kid. Its time for the test.

Outlaw: Test?

Randy: If you really want to be a wrestler, you’re going to have to learn how to take pain. Lots of it. BOYS!

*All the other students and trainers enter the ring and surround Outlaw.*

Outlaw: *Gulp*

Randy: The kid here says he wants to be a wrestler. Educate him.

*Two hours of being pummeled and body slammed later…*

Randy: You still want to be a wrestler, kid?

Outlaw: YEAH! This is great! Can we do that again?

Randy: You heard him.

*Another two hours of chair shots, pile drivers and power bombs later.*

Outlaw: I can’t feel my legs. This rules!!!

Trainer: This guy is unreal. He’s enjoying it!

Randy: That’s enough. There’s something different about you, kid.

Outlaw: I’ve taken a lot of beatings over the years.

Randy: I see potential in you, kid. I’m personally going to train you and give you the skills and ability to succeed. I’m a tough teacher so it won’t be easy. What do you say?

Outlaw: YES!

Randy: Good! We’ll start first thing tomorrow.

*Randy and Outlaw walk to one of the benches, and watch some of the other students train.*

Outlaw: You really see potential in me?

Randy: Sure. For starters, you’re big.

Outlaw: What does that matter? That little guy over there looks like the most talented person in here.

Randy: In wrestling, the big guy is always pushed before the smaller guy. No matter how untalented they may be.

Outlaw: That doesn’t make much sense to me.

Randy: This is pro wrestling. Don’t think too deep into this, kid.

Outlaw: I’ll try.

Randy: I also think you have a good personality. A good character will always get you far.

Outlaw: Thanks! I’ve got a costume too, want to see?

Randy: First off, it’s not called a “costume,” it’s your ring gear. Second, we’ll provide you with something professional. Most rookies make their gear out of tin foil and string anyway.

Outlaw: And glitter.

Randy: What?

Outlaw: Nothing.

Randy: Go and get some sleep. Tomorrow is going to be a long day for you.

*Outlaw exits the gym. The rain has stopped and dusk is turning into night.*

Outlaw: Hmm. I didn’t give much thought on a place to sleep.

*While trying to think of what to do, he glances at the street. The manhole catches his eye.*

Outlaw: That’ll do.

*Outlaw pries the cover off and enters the sewer. It is dimly lit with an old lighting system. He sets up a hammock and quickly falls asleep. The next day…*

Randy: Welcome to day one of your training. I expect you to give it your all and I’ll accept nothing less.

Outlaw: Yes sir!

Randy: Here’s your gear. Put it on and keep it on. From now on you live that character.

Outlaw: That was fast.

*He puts on his ring gear.*

Randy: Now we need a name.

Outlaw: Oh yeah, I never did tell you my name did I? I’m Outlaw.

Randy: Outlaw? Hmmm. Not bad. That will go well with the mask.

Outlaw: What? No, I meant that…

Randy: Shut up! The lessons start now. I’m going to demonstrate the drills you will be doing. Once you master these, we’ll move on to offensive maneuvers. Also during these exercises we will be working on your strength, speed, and agility. Are you ready?

Outlaw: Yes sir!

Randy: I can’t hear you!

Outlaw: YES SIR!!!

*Randy gets in the ring. He runs full speed against the ropes and is able to bounce off and gain momentum. He then bounces on each side without slowing down. It is quite a sight to behold. He stops and exits the ring.*

Randy: Your first task is to learn how to use the ropes. They can help you and hurt you, so you’ve got to master them, kid.

*Next to the ring are two lines of tires, side by side. Randy runs through them with ease and then back again. Just to show off, he runs backwards.*

Randy: Next you run through these. You have to be light on your feet.

Outlaw: *Nods*

*Randy brings out some weights.*

Randy: Each time you do a push-up, I’m going to add weight to it. I think this is enough to go on for now. If you improve we’ll add more challenges. You got all that, kid?

Outlaw: I think so.

Randy: Ok, let me see you give each one a try. Go for the tires first.

*Outlaw trips almost immediately after putting his foot in the first tire. Randy shakes his head.*

Randy: I can see we’re off to a good start. Go ahead and try the ropes.

*Outlaw gets into the ring. He runs full speed and puts all his weight into the ring ropes. This results in Outlaw being sling shot through the ceiling.*

Outlaw: Why yes, stewardess the soup is running over the pudding cup making the mouse cry duct tape. And what’s this coming rapidly towards me? It’s my friend the ground! Hello ground!

*BAM!*

Randy: This is going to take longer than I thought.

*He goes outside and pulls Outlaw from the crater he made, and helps him back in the gym.*

Randy: You ok, kid?

Outlaw: I’m not sure…

*Randy decks Outlaw in the head.*

Randy: How about now?

Outlaw: Never better!

Randy: Good! Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you. I tend to call this part the “80s Training Montage” and I think the song that will go best with this will be…. Crazy Train.

Outlaw: Sweet.

Randy: BEGIN!

*ALLLLLL ABOARD! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!*

*Outlaw runs at the tires and slips before he even gets to them. He gets back up and tries to run through the tires. He gets a few steps in before he topples over again. As he tries to get back up he gets stuck in the tires. *

Outlaw: Little help?

*Randy gives him a kick sending him rolling into a wall.*

Randy: Quit playing around!

*Outlaw comes rushing back and slides into the ring. He tries to run against the ropes again but ends up toppling over the top rope and onto the floor. *

Outlaw: This looked so much easier on TV.

Randy: Push-ups!

*Outlaw starts doing the exercise. This is one thing he actually knows how to do. He is going at a good pace when Randy walks up.*

Randy: Time for something extra.

*Instead of placing the weight on Outlaw, he drops it. Outlaw was not prepared for this and is slammed into the ground.*

Outlaw: Ok. That one hurt.

Randy: I didn’t say stop.

Outlaw: Right, right!

*Outlaw starts back up again. The added weight hasn’t slowed him down much. Without warning Randy drops another weight on him. Outlaw manages to stay up this time and keeps going. *

Randy: Good! Now try this…

*Randy drops two weights. Outlaw hits the floor, but recovers and starts doing push-ups again.*

Randy: Don’t get the idea that I’ll let up on you. Where we leave off today will be your starting point tomorrow.

*Day Two*

*I’m going off the rails on a Crazy Train.*

Randy: Run the tires!

*Outlaw gets a few steps in then falls flat on his face.*

Outlaw: Flipper feet and tire running don’t mix.

Randy: No excuses! Show me you really want to do this! Hit those ropes!

*Outlaw gets in the ring without realizing that there is a tire stuck to his foot. He gets about halfway when he trips and tumbles into the ropes. He gets tangled up in them and winds up hanging upside down. *

Randy: This is going to be a long montage.

*Day Three*

Outlaw: How many weights are on me again?

Randy: Don’t count. It’ll make it seem worse.

Outlaw: If you say so.

Randy: What if I said it was twenty?

*Outlaw hits the floor.*

Outlaw: No wonder it’s so heavy.

Randy: If I did say twenty, I’d be wrong. It was more than that. But once you had an idea of your limit you gave up.

Outlaw: I…

Randy: Mind over matter, kid. There are no limitations.

*Outlaw is hit by a wave of understanding. And a boot to the head.*

Randy: AGAIN!

*Day Five*

*I’m going off the rails on a Crazy Train.*

*Outlaw and Randy are doing the metal sign and head-banging in unison.*

Outlaw: This song rules.

Randy: Like the 80s.

Outlaw: What?

*Randy decks Outlaw.*

Randy: Quit messing around and get back to your training!

*Day Eight*

Randy: Time for a slight change of pace.

*Randy gives Outlaw a jump rope.*

Outlaw: Are you serious? I can do this.

*Outlaw tries to do the jump rope but catches his leg and slams into the ground.*

Randy: You were saying?

Outlaw: I used to think I had coordination. Now I see how wrong I was.

*Day Fifteen*

Outlaw: I can do this, I can do this.

*Outlaw runs at the ropes and manages to get the bounce right. *

Outlaw: YEAH! Yeah! Oh crap!

*Outlaw tumbles out of the ring again.*

Randy: Try not to let little victories make you forget what you’re doing.

Outlaw: Got it.

Randy: Run the tires!

*Outlaw takes a deep breath. He gets a running start and goes for it. To his surprise he makes it to the end. Randy nods in approval.*

Randy: Very good, kid. Now do it again.

*Outlaw manages to get back to the starting point without falling.*

Randy: Not bad. Now go faster.

*Day Twenty*

Randy: This is a practice dummy. I’ll be showing you the basics in offensive maneuvers. In addition to the drills, you will be doing these moves everyday.

Outlaw: I’m ready!

*Day Twenty-Five*

*Randy is off to the side watching his student’s progress with his arms crossed. Outlaw is running through the tires with speed. He then jumps into the ring and is able to run the ropes.*

Randy: Push-ups!

*Outlaw gets into position and readies himself. The weights are dropped hard but he is able to keep himself up.*

Randy: Do it!

*Outlaw begins. A little while later, one last weight is added. Randy himself. While Outlaw is doing the exercise, Randy stands atop the giant pile of weights. This is also the part where the song ends.*

Randy: Keep it up, kid.

Outlaw: Yes sir!!

Randy: Since you’re not going anywhere for a while I think now is a good time to go over the types of matches you can compete in.

*Randy motions to one of the other trainers. He tosses Randy a clipboard.*

Randy: Right. Obviously you’ll be in standard singles matches and the occasional tag team match. What I’ll be marking down are the specialty matches.

Outlaw: *Grunt* Sounds great!

Randy: Let’s see… Ladder match, cage match, and tank match.

Outlaw: Tank match?

Randy: Tank matches are for aquatic and amphibious reploids only. They don’t get to have too many of these so they always like to get a few more who can compete in it. It livens up the card.

Outlaw: Ok, sounds fun.

Randy: Sure is. Hey guys, we need a few more people up here. We need a bit more weight.

*More climb on top of the pile of weights. Outlaw strains a bit, but continues to do the push-ups.*

Randy: I’ll mark down Hardcore, Street Fight, and Falls Count Anywhere… Come to think of it, it’s basically the same match with different names. Inferno match is a good one.

Outlaw: Inferno?

Randy: They surround the ring in fire and sometimes light the ropes too. Sort of like when they take the ropes off and replace it with barbed wire. MORE WEIGHT!

*Even more get on.*

Outlaw: Are you sure about this?

Randy: You’ll be fine.

*The sound of breaking wood can now be heard. Randy and the other trainers jump off just before the floor gives way.*

*BAM!!*

Outlaw: Ow.

Randy: I think we’ll call it a day. I’ll have the floor fixed by tomorrow, which will be an important day. You and I are going to spar in the ring.

*The next day.*

Randy: Ok kid, this is how it’s going to work. We’re going to go over holds and counter holds. Your job is to counter what I do and attempt to knock me down. Each time I knock you down; you’ll owe me twenty push-ups and an extra round with the tires and jump rope. Got all that?

Outlaw: Yup! This is going to be fun; I actually get to wrestle a legend.

Randy: You won’t be able to keep hold of me long enough to make that claim just yet.

Outlaw: We’ll see about that.

*Outlaw lunges at Randy, who easily side steps him and trips him. Outlaw quickly gets up and tries a clothesline. Randy ducks and catches him in a side suplex. *

Randy: That’s forty so far. I guess you must really want to do more push-ups.

Outlaw: I’ll catch you yet!

*Several hours later.*

Randy: I think that’s enough for today. If we keep this up, you’ll owe me three days worth of push-ups.

Outlaw: *gasping*

Randy: You’ll get the hang of it eventually. You owe me a days worth of drills and exercise, and after that we’ll try this again.

Outlaw: Speaking of that, how much do I owe you for the training?

Randy: Listen kid, I was serious when I said I saw something in you. I don’t normally take students under my wing like this. So you don’t own me any money.

Outlaw: But there must be something I can do to repay you.

Randy: There is. I didn’t want to tell you this right away but this isn’t just for you. I want one last ride in the spotlight, even if it’s on the sidelines. I think you have a real shot at making it in this business and if that’s the case, I want to be there as your manager.

Outlaw: For all that you’ve been teaching me, I think that’s a fair trade.

Randy: Thanks kid. Don’t think that this means I’m going soft on you though. You still owe me for the beating you took.

Outlaw: Right. Say Randy, can I ask you something?

Randy: Shoot.

Outlaw: What happened to you? Why did everything change for you?

Randy: I made a lot of bad choices. I used illegal upgrades and I abused my body to such a degree that I couldn’t control myself anymore. I lost everything; money, fame, career; all gone. My family and friends left while they could, since I was unhealthy to be around.

Outlaw: How did you wind up here?

Randy: I managed to get clean and took a lot of tour dates. I saved up enough to open this gym. It’s all I have left in this world.

Outlaw: What about your family?

Randy: If there’s anything I’ve learned in this business, it’s this: Family only slows you down. Don’t you feel the same way?

Outlaw: I’m not sure what to think. I never felt that way about it before.

Randy: Forget about all that. Focus on what you’re doing now. Enough with this crap, go rest up. I expect you to be in top shape when we go to the P.R.W. Arena.

*Days later…*

Randy: You ready?

Outlaw: Let’s do this!

*Outlaw and Randy go hold for hold, counter for counter. Everything Randy does, Outlaw is able to reverse. If Randy tries a move, Outlaw is able to counter it. This goes on for a while until they come to a stand off. Randy claps his hands and laughs with approval.*

Outlaw: Yeah!

*Randy extends his hand. Outlaw goes to shake it but gets decked in the head.*

Randy: Never lower your guard! The match isn’t over until the ref says it is. Don’t forget that!

Outlaw: After getting hit so many times, how could I?

Randy: Kid, I think you’re ready to enter some competition. Take a few days off to recover. Then we go to the P.R.W. Arena for their tryout matches. With any luck you’ll get in.

Outlaw: How tough is it to get in?

Randy: Well, first the owner, Vince McMahondroid, has to like your look. Then you have to impress them by winning at least one match. Then, if they like your character and you have a bit of talent they’ll regularly book you to their events. Then you can compete for championships.

Outlaw: Sounds like it might be difficult.

Randy: Don’t worry about it. Now go shower up and get some sleep.

Outlaw: Show…er? What is this “shower” you speak of?

Randy: See? With a sense of humor like that, you’ll have no problems!

*That night…*

Outlaw: Zzzzzzz…

*Outlaw is in his hammock snoring loudly. The sewer is in total darkness. *

???: Outlaw.

Outlaw: *mumble-mumble*

???: Outlaw!

Outlaw: Huh?!

*Outlaw falls off the hammock. He looks around to try and find the source of the voice, but is unable to see anything.*

Outlaw: Whose there?

*A shadowy image of Nega appears.*

Nega: Outlaw.

Outlaw: Nega! You’re alive!

*Outlaw runs in her direction but does not gain any ground. She remains far away and the room is nothing but blackness.*

Outlaw: Is this a dream?

Nega: Your friends.

Outlaw: Huh?

Nega: Your friends are going to need you. They are in danger.

Outlaw: Danger? What kind of danger?

Nega: The time will come when you will have to act. Never forget who you are.

Outlaw: You’re not making sense. There is no more C:IA. I tried to keep it together but I failed. I’m no use to them anymore.

Nega: You will see.

Outlaw: Nega, is it really you?

Nega: Don’t worry about me. There are bigger things happening now.

Outlaw: What’s happening? What danger?

Nega: Beware the goat.

*Outlaw wakes up with a start, causing him to bash his head into the ceiling. He looks around while rubbing his head.*

Outlaw: Nega?

*There is a brief echo of his voice which turns into silence. After a few minutes, he lays back down.*

Outlaw: Beware the goat?

*A few days later at the arena.*

Randy: This is it! How do ya feel, kid?

Outlaw: For over a month I’ve been pushed to my physical limit and beaten to a pulp everyday.

Randy: And?

Outlaw: And surprisingly, I feel great! Better than great even!

Randy: The training is what does it. It makes you tougher, stronger, and harder to hurt.

Outlaw: I feel a lot more nimble too.

Randy: You give any thought on what you want your finishing move to be?

Outlaw: I was thinking about doing a splash from the top rope.

Randy: Ok. I’ll let the announcing team know.

Outlaw: Hey Randy, do you know anything about goats?

Randy: What the Hell are you babbling about?

Outlaw: Never mind.

Randy: Don’t get nervous, kid. It’ll mess with your head.

*They enter the locker room. There are lots of other reploids there attempting to make the tryout matches. *

Randy: I think we’re in luck. You’re bigger than most of the others.

Outlaw: Are you sure that’s really how it goes?

*Suddenly there is silence in the room as Vince McMahondroid makes his way through the room. He is looking at each reploid very carefully. He then stops in front of Outlaw.*

Vince: I see you’ve finally found yourself a rookie you are willing to bet on, Randy.

Randy: He’s sure to impress you Vince. Just give him a shot.

Vince: I like the look of you. You’re up first!

Outlaw: Thanks!

*Vince exits the locker room.*

Outlaw: That was easy.

Randy: What part of “They always push the big guy first” didn’t you get?

Outlaw: You know Vince?

Randy: He and I go way back. That’s not important right now. You have a match to get ready for.

Outlaw: Right! I’ll start warming up. Do you think you can find out who I’m up against?

Randy: I’ll see what I can do. I have to go tell the announcing crew who you are and that I’m going with you to the ring anyway. I’ll be back in a bit.

Outlaw: Gotcha.

*Randy leaves. Outlaw starts to get ready. He can hear the noise of the crowd as they pile into the arena. After a while Randy comes back.*

Outlaw: Any luck?

Randy: They’ve got our names, but they wouldn’t tell me who you’re up against.

Outlaw: That sucks.

Randy: I’m sure it’s nothing you can’t handle. Are you going to let an unknown stop you from your dreams? Are you going to let all that training be wasted?!

Outlaw: HELL NO!

Randy: Then get out there and give them all you’ve got.

*They make their way to the area where the backstage opens to the main arena. They are behind a curtain and can hear the crowd. The noise level goes down a bit as the in-ring announcer begins.*

Announcer: Ladies, Gentlemen, and Reploids! Welcome to the P.R.W. Arena!

*The crowd goes wild.*

Announcer: Pro Reploid Wrestling and Megalopolis in conjunction with our neighboring city Trumptopia are proud to present tonight’s event!

*The crowd gives a loud cheer!*

Announcer: We are going to be having tryout matches for future P.R.W. stars by having a tournament with these new competitors. The winner will become a regular here and as an added bonus, the current world champion has agreed to put the title on the line on Pay Per View! So not only will the winner become a part of the P.R.W. but gets a title shot as well!

Outlaw: Nice.

Announcer: First up, representing the “Bone Crusher Wrestling Gym” located right here in Megalopolis…

*The crowd cheers loudly for the hometown gym.*

Randy: This is it. Let’s do this, kid!

Outlaw: YEAH!!!!!

Announcer: Being accompanied to the ring by wrestling legend Randy “The Ram” Robinson, “The Big Green Machine” OUTLAW!

Outlaw: The what?

Randy: Catchy huh?

*The song “Ride the Lightning” by Metallica plays and the crowd cheers as Outlaw and Randy make their way to the ring. Randy gets on the apron and stands in the corner while Outlaw enters the ring.*

Randy: Good crowd tonight.

Outlaw: Do they cheer for everybody?

Randy: Sometimes. You have the hometown advantage so the crowd will be on your side.

Announcer: His opponent, representing Trumptopia’s “You’re Fired If You Lose Gym”…

*The crowd boos loudly.*

Announcer: He smashes, he bashes, and he sends his opponents to the scrap heap! He’s THE CRUSHER!!!!!

Randy: Uh-oh.

*The song “Stupify” by Disturbed plays.*

Outlaw: Is this bad?

Randy: Let’s put it like this; you know how the little guy is always brought out to let the big guy beat him up?

Outlaw: Yeah.

Randy: In this case, you’re the little guy.

Outlaw: What?!

*The Crusher has now emerged from the back. He is a massive, beast-like reploid that towers over all in the arena. He is almost as wide as the entrance way and he looks like he could wreck the place if he wanted to.*

Outlaw: I thought you and Vince went way back?

Randy: We do. I never said we were friends.

*The Crusher has entered the ring.*

Outlaw: This is so not fair.

Randy: Life never is. Tough luck, kid.

The Crusher: Me Crusher! Me crush puny lizard!

*The bell sounds, starting the match.*

Outlaw: Here goes nothing.

*Outlaw rushes in, but quickly has to dodge. The Crusher is so large that he takes up most of the ring. He is throwing punches but Outlaw is able to avoid them.*

The Crusher: Stand still! Me want crush you!

Outlaw: Ropes do your thing!

*Outlaw runs against the ropes and launches himself at The Crusher. He attempts to ram him with his shoulder, but is caught in a bear hug!*

Outlaw: Not… Good…

The Crusher: NOW! Me…*sniff* Me…*Sniff sniff* Me crush…

*The Crusher is wobbling. Having Outlaw so close to his face, he can’t help but smell what Outlaw has been sleeping in.*

The Crusher: You… Smelly.

Outlaw: If you think that’s bad, then check this out! BUUUUUUUURP!

*The Crusher falls over. Outlaw is on top and the ref counts to three.*

Announcer: Here is your winner… Outlaw!

*The crowd cheers loudly!*

Randy: I don’t know how the Hell you did it, but you did it!

Outlaw: Natural talent, I guess.

Randy: Just win your next two matches and you’ll earn a title shot on PPV!

Outlaw: No problem!

*The next two matches he was in allowed him to try out the skills he had learned. Outlaw was able to dominate the first opponent with a power-based wrestling style, using power bombs and clotheslines. The second opponent was closer in strength to him, so Outlaw changed his strategy to incorporate submission moves. He was able to perform his “Gator Splash” to much fan fare.*

Announcer: Ladies and Gentlemen, we have our newest P.R.W. competitor, Outlaw!

Outlaw: Yeah!

*The crowd cheers loudly!*

Randy: I knew you could do it, kid!

*Suddenly “This Machine” by Julien-K starts playing. The World Champion has appeared and is headed for the ring. The crowd boos him without mercy.*

Prototype John: So, you think you’re pretty tough? You’re nothing compared to me! I am the champ! You got lucky with these two-bit excuses for wrestlers. Hell, they aren’t even worth using as spare parts!

Outlaw: Calm down, dude. It looks like your going to pop a vessel or something.

Prototype John: SHUT IT! You don’t stand a chance against me. This Sunday, at Metal Doom, I’ll make you regret the day you put on that mask!

*Prototype John throws the microphone at Randy, and then storms out of the ring and to the back.*

Outlaw: What’s his problem?

Randy: He’s the guy Vince hand picked to be the main force in his promotion. He’s pissed because the fans hate him.

Outlaw: Why do the fans hate him?

Randy: Because Vince hand picked him, and gave him a mega push that never stopped. However, he is champ for a reason; he’s damn tough.

Outlaw: We have all week to get ready and there is no way I’m going to let him beat me. This is a dream come true for me, man. I never thought I’d get a chance to compete professionally, let alone have a chance to be world champion!

Randy: That’s the spirit, kid!

*After much training through the week, the big day finally arrives. The arena is sold out and the crowd is pumped to see the main event. Outlaw and Randy are in the locker room.*

Randy: How ya feelin’? You’re not nervous are you?

*Before Outlaw could answer, Vince comes in.*

Vince: Ah, there you are. I just wanted to wish you luck out there. Despite the fact that I hate having to look at Randy again, it’s been a while since we had a new wrestler that the fans seem to like. I think you’ll fit right in here with us.

Outlaw: Thanks Vince.

Vince: I also wanted to let you know that I’ve decided to make this match Anything Goes. That way Prototype John doesn’t have to hold back.

Randy: That doesn’t scare us! He can take it!

Vince: We’ll see.

*Vince leaves.*

Outlaw: Now I’m nervous.

Randy: Don’t be. You’ve trained too hard to let that stop you. If anything, this works in your favor since you don’t have to hold back either.

*They can now hear Outlaw’s music. They exit the locker room and head for the ring. Outlaw is focused and pays the announcer no mind. The crowd cheers for him and this gives him confidence. Randy stays on the outside of the ring while Outlaw climbs in. He waves to the crowd. This is a moment he has been dreaming about for a long time. He takes it all in. He also decides that win or lose, he will cherish this moment for the rest of his life. There is only a single regret on his mind.*

Outlaw: I wish the guys could see this.

*Prototype John’s music comes on and he struts to the ring. He is booed loudly but he doesn’t show signs of caring. He poses and holds the belt over his head. He then gets into the ring and stares at Outlaw.*

Announcer: This is the Metal Doom main event! This is an Anything Goes match for the World Championship!

Prototype John: I hope you brought a box to carry your teeth.

Randy: He’s going to make you eat those words!

*The bell sounds. Prototype John immediately slides out of the ring and smashes his title belt against Randy’s head, knocking him out cold. Outlaw goes to his fallen mentor.*

Outlaw: Randy!

Prototype John: That was from Vince. Though I admit I wanted to do that anyway. There’s going to be no help for you now.

Outlaw: I can take you on my own! You’ve pissed off the wrong guy!

*Outlaw grabs a chair and nails Prototype John in the head as he was rushing at him. John staggers but doesn’t go down. He gets back in the ring and dares Outlaw to follow. *

Prototype John: Don’t keep me waiting.

*Outlaw climbs in and they go at it. Each is landing hard punches. Outlaw starts to get the upper hand and backs John into a corner. The ref breaks them up. Outlaw backs away and was about to go back on the offensive when John springs from the corner and spears him down to the mat. *

Prototype John: How do you like that one, punk?!

Outlaw: That all you got?

*Outlaw is up and John tries the spear again. Outlaw counters with an arm bar takedown and follows it up with a leg drop. He goes for the cover but John kicks out at two. John hits a dropkick on Outlaw which sends him outside of the ring. As he stands back up, John leaps from the ring and lands on top of him. He goes for the cover and Outlaw kicks out at two.*

Prototype John: No one messes with me!

*He gives the crowd the finger which pisses them off even more. While he was distracted Outlaw trips him with his tail. He gets back in the ring with John following him. They punch each other some more. John hits a single leg take down and tries to lock on a submission maneuver but Outlaw makes it to the ropes. This forces John to release the hold. Pissed that the ref is doing his job, he argues with him.*

Prototype John: This is Anything Goes, remember?!

Ref: Basic rules still apply.

*John turns back around to face Outlaw and gets kicked in the gut. This allows Outlaw to hit a power bomb. Outlaw then runs against the ropes and goes for an elbow drop but misses.*

Prototype John: No more playing around.

*He grabs Outlaw by the tail and swings him over his head and slams him on the mat. He does this several times. Outlaw is slow to stand back up. When he finally gets to his feet he is brought back down again by a DDT.*

Prototype John: Time to end this.

*John lifts Outlaw on top of his shoulders. He then tosses him in the air and slams him hard with the added momentum. The crowd is booing hard. John grins and puts his foot on Outlaw. The ref starts to count but Outlaw kicks out. John is livid. This time he goes for a real cover and makes sure to hook the legs. Outlaw is able to kick out at two again.*

Prototype John: No one kicks out of that! NO ONE!

*John picks Outlaw up and tries his finishing move again, but Outlaw is able to shift his weight and crash down on John. He knocks him down with a clothesline and when John stands back up he hits him with a scoop slam. The crowd is going nuts.*

Outlaw: Try getting back up from this!

*Outlaw climbs to the top rope. He briefly looks around to see the crowd. Randy has gotten back up.*

Randy: DO IT, KID!

*Outlaw leaps off the top rope and hits John with the splash! The ref goes for the count. 1… 2… 3!!! The bell sounds and the match is over. The crowd is going insane!*

Announcer: Here is your winner, and NEW World Champion…OUTLAW!

*The ref hands Outlaw the championship belt. Randy enters the ring and is pumping his fists in victory. Outlaw is still stunned by the fact that he won.*

Randy: You did it!

*Prototype John has gotten back up, and now realizes what has happened. He kicks at the ropes.*

Prototype John: This isn’t over. I’ll get a rematch and it’s going to be soon. You can bet on it!

Outlaw: Any time you’re ready John.

*As John leaves the ring, Outlaw raises the belt to the crowd. They cheer for the new champion and chant his name.*

Outlaw: Thank you all!

*Some time later in the locker room, Outlaw is sitting at a bench, looking at the title belt. He has his bag with him and is using his towel.*

Randy: You did good, kid. You’ll be getting top booking now. And I get to be in the spotlight again.

Outlaw: That was a lot of fun.

Randy: Fun? This isn’t about fun.

Outlaw: It’s not? Then what is it about?

Randy: Fame and fortune of course!

Outlaw: I don’t really want those things. I just wanted to enjoy myself.

Randy: Whatever. The fact is you shocked the wrestling world tonight. You have a big future ahead of you. I’m going to head home. I’ll see you tomorrow to talk about it. Good night champ!

*Randy leaves. Outlaw is about to do the same when something falls out of his bag. He goes to pick it up. It’s the photo of his friends. He stares at it for a long time.*

Outlaw: I wish you could have seen me out there. I hope you’re all doing well. I always considered you guys more than friends. You were the only family I ever had.

The End

Back to School

January 16, 2015

*Written by Sean*

*Void is working in his lab when suddenly an uninvited guest walks in.*

Sean: Hey, Void what are you working on?

Void: I’m trying to work on a new type of power supply, even more compact and powerful than what is currently housed in most reploids. See? *holds up a small glowing orb*

Sean: Neat. That is pretty small.

Void: And also very delicate so I’d like you to leave.

Sean: What?

Void: You’re both cursed and seem to be a bad luck magnet. I’d rather you leave before anything goes wrong. So if you don’t mind–

*Just then, the Whale King violently jerked. The small ball flies right out of Void’s hand.*

Sean: Got it. *catches it*

Void: See what I mea–wait, what?

Sean: Here, take it back quick. *hands it over to Void.*

Dark Knight: Hey, someone has apparently started tailing the Whale King and Shadowstrike is trying to lose them. You probably should head over. Also, it could be worse.

Sean: *shocked* Ouch… I don’t think I’m ever going to get used to that.

Void: *mumbling* But, you… and the curse… and bad luck… and every other time but–

Sean: Look, even I have my moments.

*And how often they occur tends to increase under certain writers or writer. However I’ll leave the obvious favoritism alone for now and switch to Shadowstrike at the wheel.*

Rebel: Shadowstrike, report!

Shadowstrike: Huh? When did you come in here?

Rebel: Just tell me what’s wrong.

Shadowstrike: Yeah, sorry. Focusing on losing this guy. He started tailing me a little while ago and I can’t seem to lose him. He’s been following me for a few minutes now. I swear I could have lost him if I hadn’t been up all night practicing or if that loud siren wasn’t making it so hard to think. He just fired a warning shot a little while ago so I’d better figure out something soon.

Outlaw: Siren?

Shadowstrike: Yeah and flashing lights… I really need some sleep.

Void: I’d say so.

Shadowstrike: Let me just land and get this over with.

*And so once the Whale King is firmly on the ground…*

Reploid Cop: So you mean to tell me that you’ve been resisting arrest due to sleep deprivation and the fact the only other things in the air generally are trying to shoot you down?

Shadowstrike: Yes?

Reploid Cop: That is by far one of the dumbest excuses I’ve gotten. I need to see your license and vehicle registration.

Shadowstrike: Well, here is my license and for registration… Uh, Rebel?

Rebel: Don’t look at me. We were given this by lizard-bird-things. I didn’t bother asking about it. It was weird enough as is. Sean?

Sean: Just because I spent a few years on that island doesn’t mean I knew about everything on it. Void? You generally seem to handle this stuff.

Void: Do you know how long my to do list is? How about you Outlaw?

Outlaw: Why would I be responsible for it?

Void: Well you do some exploring and I really don’t want to be responsible for it.

Reploid Cop: I think this is why general policy is generally to pretend all the vigilantes don’t exist… Also, this license is expired.

Shadowstrike: Uh….

Reploid Cop: Here, take this. *hands out a ticket* You need to pay a fine and complete a few courses on proper piloting. Also deal with having this vehicle inspected and registered. You’re lucky that we technically owe you guys a few favors from the last time you helped save the world so I’m being lenient. Next time I see a giant whale in the sky I’ll just ignore it.

Gold Ranger: Boom time?

Silver Ranger: Boom time!

*They leave in their flying whale zord.*

Reploid Cop: …I doubt even X has to deal with stuff like this. Let me just check your records and see if there is anything else I need to do before I go chase after another flying whale. I mean whales don’t even fly, so what are the odds of finding two groups of crazies who believe they do?

Sean: I can’t believe you have to go back to school.

Shadowstrike: At least I’m not cursed.

Sean: Yeah, but–

Dark Knight: It could be worse?

Sean: *shocked* Okay, classes are better.

Reploid Cop: Well that’s good because I pulled up your file. Apparently you recently lost any degrees you had simply from them being about a century old.

Sean: What?

Void: Another reason not to let you in my lab I guess. Anyways, you–

Sean: Just wait one second before you continue.

Void: Why?

Reploid Cop: Because since you created Frankenploid and a few other monstrosities, it’s required that you take some classes on ethics and do a little community service. I suggest teaching a few classes since you’ll already be on a university campus.

Void: What?

Rebel: You don’t honestly expecting us to wait for you guys do you?

Metabad: We can’t wait, we have to rawk!

Reploid Cop: That’s too bad, because your vigilante activities also require you two to pay some fines and take a couple classes on acting within the law.

Metabad: Can’t rawk?

Dark Knight: Looks like it.

Reploid Cop: And I’m signing you up for a few classes on ethics just because it looks like you need it.

Majin: Wat? Ware is peoplz do’n?

Reploid Cop: And it looks like you need a few AA meetings. I doubt they’ll actually fix anything.

Outlaw: And what about me?

Reploid Cop: Hmm… Don’t seem to have anything worthwhile on you. I suggest signing up for some classes while you guys are grounded anyways.

Outlaw: Might as well. I guess I’ll take some cooking classes.

Reploid Cop: Now I’m leaving before something goes horribly wrong.

Void: Probably a good idea.

Rebel: Shadowstrike, you’re very lucky.

Shadowstrike: Why?

Rebel: My hatred of Trump is what is keeping me from telling you you’re fired at this point.

Void: Let’s just get this over with.

*And so starts the first day of classes.*

*Ethics Class*

Reploid Professor: Today, we have a guest speaker. He is the hologram of the famous scientist, Dr. Thomas Light.

Dr. Light Hologram: So you’ve come… X, I gave you the ability to choose your own path in life, and I hoped the world would allow you to choose a peaceful one.

Void: Sir? I think that one is just a recording.

Reploid Professor: That is inconsequential.

Dr. Light Hologram: I give you a special present. Now, enter the capsule, please!

Dark Knight: At least there won’t be any trick questions.

*Piloting Lessons*

Johnny: You lowlifes can call me Johnny. If you want to pass this class, challenge me anytime.

Shadowstrike: Wait, so you’re not actually teaching us anything? We just need to beat you in a race?

Johnny: The other docs can try and fill your heads. I just want to know that you can ride the wind.

Shadowstrike: Score!

*Lessons on Vigilantism and Heroism*

Robo: Today, we’re covering planet devourers and destroyers of biological, technological, and magical nature. I do warn you that when we get to magical ninety percent are from Square-Enix.

Rebel: Sweet, this looks cool.

Robo: Also this lecture is over two hours long and will be on the test so start taking notes.

Metabad: No longer rawkin’.

Sean: Yeah, I know.

Rebel: What are you doing here?

Sean: I’m getting a degree that takes about four years in a few weeks. I’m taking every class possible and overclocking my system to stay awake. During classes I’m also taking classes online. I’m not sure how long that’s going to last, but I should have enough credits for something by the time you’re done with classes.

*AA Meeting*

Bender: Stop drinking? Pfft, why would you ever want to do that?

Majin: WHEEE! Tawk’n tin!

Random Reploid: Wait… Shoot, it’s only motivational after they stop doing the drugs and drinking. *facepalms*

*Technobabble 101*

Void: And that is how we seem to power our modern weaponry and advanced machinery with such small power supplies without seeming to ever need to replace them or charge. Any questions?

Sean: So how easy is it going to be to annoy you during this?

Void: You’re in this class? Well I guess it could be worse.

Sean: *shocked* Okay, I’ll shut up and go back to taking notes.

*Gourmet Cooking*

Cooking Mama: Wow, even better than Mama! *gesturing towards a soufflé*

Outlaw: Huh? You like that? You can have it. I’ve decided to make myself a better snack. *takes out a large pot with a boiling green liquid*

Cooking Mama: Gah! *faints*

*Later, in a cafeteria…*

Dark Knight: Why are we meeting up here again?

Rebel: Close by and cheap cola.

Outlaw: But the food here sucks.

Shadowstrike: For once we agree on that.

Majin: Woot! Me haz a hat! *hides under the table*

Void: So far this looks like a waste of time.

Metabad: Lame.

Void: I guess at least I’ve learned I can accept Sean helping out now and then. Can you take this back to the Whale King? *hands over the energy supply earlier*

Dark Knight: So, I guess it could be worse.

Sean: *shocked* Ouch, I said I had my moments. That doesn’t mean you should tempt fate. *hands back a completely fried piece of machinery*

Void: Okay, so today has been a waste of time.

Rebel: Just shut up and drink some cola.

*Day 2*

*Piloting Lessons*

Johnny: What? You won? I am a man of my word. I’ll pass you. Feel free to challenge me again anytime.

Shadowstrike: Why the Hell would I do that?

Johnny: Come on! We can ride the wind, baby!

Shadowstrike: Now you’re getting creepy…

Johnny: Extra credit?

Shadowstrike: NO! Let me just either graduate or move onto whatever other crazy class I have to take.

Penguin: Race me for a star?

Johnny: Excellent! *runs off with the penguin*

Shadowstrike: What is wrong with you people?

*AA Meeting*

Random Reploid: Well, today we would be continuing from yesterday but I think that is the last of what we want to do here. Now remember despite what that other robot said, none of us need alcohol. It is a drug that can ruin our lives. Why don’t we all take this time to talk and share our past experiences?

Majin: X-pear-ance-es?

Random Reploid: Yes. Like memories. What do you think is causing you to drink?

Majin: w00t! Drink! *takes out a keg*

Random Reploid: Where did you get that?

*Technobabble 101*

Void: Now in this scenario *points to a complicated diagram on the board* what is the simplest possible way of stopping the doomsday device, rescuing your companions, and defeating the villain?

Sean: *raises hand*

Void: Yes?

Sean: Cast reflect. The power supply seems magical in nature so if you used reflect it would rebound destroying both the device and the villain.

Void: What? You can’t bring magic into this.

Sean: Fine, reverse the polarity. Happy?

Void: No, but correct.

*Time Travel and You*

Lucca: Now today, we’ll be discussing time travel and the possible positives and negatives gained from it. We also will be discussing how to avoid paradoxes when using time travel.

Sean: Wait, isn’t this actually going to discuss building a time machine?

Lucca: No, not after this class’s previous finals.

Rebel: What?

Void: And this is why we’re not building a time machine.

Metabad: I don’t think I like this class.

Lucca: The timeline is not quite as delicate as one may seem but you can mess things up quite a lot with it.

Dark Knight: Like?

Lucca: Accidently making your ancestors lizards or amphibians instead of mammals comes to mind.

*Gourmet Cooking*

Outlaw: *pokes the Cooking Mama* Are you still unconscious? You didn’t even try it.

*Later, in the cafeteria again…*

Void: You know messing with your systems is going to end poorly, right?

Sean: Don’t worry. I’m moving faster than expected. I can squeeze in an hour of sleep in three days if I keep to my schedule. Though these breaks for food with you guys might throw me off.

Dark Knight: It could always be worse.

Sean: *shocked* And an additional side effect seems to be dulled pain reception.

Dark Knight: Meh, no good can come from this.

Rebel: So has Majin actually made any progress?

Majin: Teh diskus z bestes sport! *throws a dinner plate across the room and cheers when it hits the wall*

Shadowstrike: I think he is getting worse. How about you Outlaw? How is taking classes for fun?

Outlaw: Not bad. Though for a chef my professor has a pretty weak stomach or rather nose in this case.

Shadowstrike: You killed your teacher?!

Outlaw: Nah, she’s just unconscious.

Metabad: Rawking! I wish any of my professors were like that, then I wouldn’t have to listen to the lectures.

*Day 3*

*How to Operate a Giant Robot*

Zordon: If any of you are worried by the fact I’m a giant head in a jar, fear not. I still managed to make several seasons of idiotic teenagers automatic experts in this field.

Shadowstrike: Well, this will possibly be more useful than I thought.

Outlaw: Yeah, it can’t possibly hurt us.

Shadowstrike: You’re in this class, too?

Outlaw: Figured it would be fun and Cooking Mama is still asleep. Sean’s here, too.

Shadowstrike: Really?

Outlaw: Yeah, he’s right–*turns and sees Sean no longer next to him* That’s funny. Where did he go?

Sean: *working on a giant robotic animal* If I replace the auxiliary systems necessary for the lesser used alternate forms I can increase the power supply and reroute it to the weapons and shield generator. Then when it forms an arm or a leg in the still valid Megazord combinations, I can charge enough energy to easily take out most giant monsters provided I remove the safeties first… However, it also could cause a backlash across all five zords leading to their destruction unless I change the metallic alloy used in the armor to a compound more resistant to the energy radiation-

Zordon: I think I will call you Billy.

Shadowstrike: Looks like he got confused on what the goal of this class is.

Outlaw: Yep.

*Void’s Office Hours*

Void: No! I am not giving you a postponement on your project because you’re waiting for a lightning storm and the forecast for the next few weeks is clear skies. There are plenty of other power sources available. Stop being so damn cliché.

Hunchbacked, Nerdy Reploid with Beady Eyes: Curses!

Flirty Reploid: Uh, professor could you explain how to solve this problem again? *leans over desk*

Void: Doesn’t anyone normal ever show up to these office hours?!

*Determining Lethal Force*

Superman: Now, this is a common problem for superheroes so don’t be ashamed to admit it. Lots of times a foe can look stronger than he is or you just were caught off guard and hit with full strength by reflex. However it is necessary to at most only use enough force to knock them unconscious.

Dark Knight: Even if when found guilty they’ll get the death penalty?

Superman: Yes, even then.

Rebel: Would you be charged with manslaughter if you slip up?

Superman: In most cases, no. However, if you are unsure it is better to only use a weapon you know is nonlethal.

Metabad: How do you make fire nonlethal?

Superman: We’re getting off topic. Now pay attention to this slideshow. *points to a picture of a stereotypical mad scientist* This is an easy one. Notice the lab coat, glasses, messy hair, and bad posture. Be very careful around these guys, their spines can snap easily. However if they later use some experimental mutagen and go insane, *slide switches to a picture of a monster similar to the Hulk in form* you’re generally allowed to go all out until you beating them unconscious reverts them to normal.

*AA Meeting*

Random Reploid: How about I try sharing a personal memory with you first? I may not look like it now, but I was once a client too. It’s important that you understand–

Majin: DADDY! *runs over and gives the lecturer a hug*

Random Reploid: *starts sniffling and then breaks down into tears* Muh my father never loved me!

*At the cafeteria again…*

Void: Aren’t we going to do something about this?

Rebel: Which? Majin corrupting the guy who was running the AA meetings–

Majin: CHUG! *shouting at a Reploid trying to drink an entire keg*

Rebel: –Or Sean building some type of doomsday device out of the microwave, the salt and pepper shakers, all of our silverware, and a pretzel.

Sean: MWHA HA HA! It’s almost complete! I just need a little bit more processing power! *beats up a freshman and steals his laptop and backpack* Soon, very soon! I now only need one more key component and I know where I can find it!

Void: Probably the second.

Outlaw: I know of a brew that I can make that should fix it.

Shadowstrike: Nah, just let him work it out of his system.

Dark Knight: Besides, this is hilarious.

*Day 4*

*Technobabble 101*

Void: Okay, everyone settle down. Now–

Sean: At last! I have finished my life’s work! *sets down a giant hunk of sparking, whirring machinery that still has part of it recognizable as a microwave*

Void: You started that during lunch yesterday.

Sean: DO NOT MOCK ME! I MOCK YOU! I MOCK REALITY! BUT I WILL NOT BE MOCKED! *opens the microwave door and drops in two Game Boy cartridges and presses start* I WILL UNLEASH THE MOST DEVESTATING GLITCH OF THE VIRTUAL WORLD INTO THE REAL WORLD! ALL OF REALITY WILL BE RUINED!

*The device starts sparking even more and explodes. A very bizarre image rises from the ruins*

MissingNo.: I’m FREE! FiNally FreE! *flies off and as he/she/it leaves random objects are duplicated or corrupted*

Sean: NO! *falls and curls up into the fetal position*

Void: I’ll give you an A-, you should have spent more time bug checking. For those of you still working on your projects, they are due in two weeks and I do not want anything that might destroy the fabric of reality.

Hunchbacked, Nerdy Reploid with Beady Eyes: Curses!

*Gourmet Cooking*

Cooking Mama: NO! BEGONE!

Outlaw: Here. *places a clothes pin on her nose* I need to whip up an old family recipe.

*Random Hallway*

Shadowstrike: Will you two stop asking!? I don’t want to race!

*The Penguin and Johnny walk off*

Shadowstrike: Man, I hate those guys.

Boshi: You have any cookies? I only race one-on-one versus those who can cough up a bet.

Shadowstrike: *sighs*

*Determining Lethal Force*

Superman: No. “I have kryptonite so just pass me” is not the correct answer. Neither is “If I kill him he’ll probably come back from the dead in a week.” I’ll accept “slightly singed” just because I’m grading on a curve.

Dark Knight: Damn, he called my bluff.

Rebel: I think my answer is true.

Metabad: Rawkin’! I can pass this!

*A Bar Just Off Campus*

Majin: DuDe! U’v had 2 mulch!

Random Reploid: *belches and passes out*

Majin: Tax-E!

Bartender: You’re still in the bar.

Hobo: *snaps his fingers and Majin and the other reploid are gone* You really need better clientele. Well, I’m off to my box. *gets up and leaves*

*In the cafeteria again…*

Outlaw: Hold him down!

Sean: YoU InSoLENt fOOls! UnhAND ME!

Rebel: We didn’t want to do this! *pins him to the ground*

Dark Knight: Says you! *pries open the mouth*

Outlaw: Don’t worry it tastes great. *pours a gallon of sludge down his mouth*

Sean: *passes out*

Outlaw: There, he’ll be fine when he wakes up.

*A very fancy reploid approaches*

Void: Hey, I know you! You’re the head of this university.

Head of the University: Yes, and to preemptively save my school I’m graduating you all now. *hands out a pile of degrees* I’m passing you from the classes the law was requiring you to take and giving you all the degrees you possibly could have been going for at the time.

Shadowstrike: But we can’t possibly have learned everything we need.

Head of the University: One second. *makes a hand gesture and a very large reploid comes over with a huge pile of books* These should cover all the information that would be taught in the classes. You can read up on the material at your leisure.

Void: Um, wow.

Head of the University: And here is a paycheck for all the work you were doing.

Void: But it was supposed to be community service…

Head of the University: Who cares? Speaking of service, I’ve had a bunch of undergraduates do all the necessary repairs and maintenance to your ship as a work study. I also used my influence to rush the inspection and have everything they had on hand used to restock the ship. Now, here let me help you out the door. *claps his hands and another really large reploid picks everyone up and carries them to the Whale King*

Sean: *wakes up* Ugh… What happened?

Void: You graduated early.

Sean: Oh, okay.

Rebel: I can’t help but feel we’re forgetting something.

*Elsewhere…*

Gates: What? Why is everything giving me the blue screen or red ring of death? I invented those–they shouldn’t attack me!

MissingNo.: HeY, tHiS IS fUN!

The End

An Unlikely Trio

January 12, 2015

*Written by Metabad*

*It was a normal day at the Whale King… and this time I can actually say that, because none of the CIA members were actually in their base, instead they were just relaxing at a nearby pizza parlor having a nice meal*

Outlaw: Oh, these anchovies look really good…

Dark Knight: Ehh… I’d prefer plain old raw meat on my pizza.

Outlaw: Oh, now THAT is a good idea!

Dark Knight: You bet it is.

Void: NO, we’re all going to order one pizza… one that is actually edible.

Outlaw and Dark Knight: Aww man…

Metabad: He’s just lookin’ out for his bros dude.

Rebel: So what do you want on this rawkin’ pizza, Meta?

Metabad: Eh, I dunno… I mean all I really had before was cheese pizza, but if you can think of some rawkin’ toppin’z then feel free to rawk out some hardcore-type toppin’z.

Rebel: Alright, but first I got to get some soda.

Majin: FERGY!! Wutever dat iz… *foams at the mouth*

Shadowstrike: Did we REALLY need to bring him along? *points at Majin*

Majin: gurgagurgurgurg… *spins around* u spin me rite roond baby rite roond.

Sean: Well if we didn’t bring him along with us, he probably would have singlehandedly destroyed the Whale King if left unattended in his drunken stupor.

Void: Hey, I’m supposed to be the guy with the sophisticated vocabulary around here!

Majin: I dun car giez I gotta go potty! *bounces towards the bathroom on his head*

Rebel: *walks up to counter* Yeah, hi, I need something to tide me over while I decide on what pizza to get…

Unimportant Person: …

Rebel: So, as you may or may not know… I need some damn Coca-Cola, so you got any?

Unimportant Person: …Nope… We only sell Pepsi.

Rebel: …

Shadowstrike: Uh-oh…

Rebel: …

Sean: …I take it we should run?

Rebel: …

Outlaw: EVERYONE, OUT OF THE BUILDING, NOW!

*So the CIA did as they were told and evacuated the building, save for Rebel and Majin*

Sean: So what do you think he’s going to do in there?

*The Pizza Parlor explodes in a fiery rage*

Outlaw: That.

*Majin was still sitting on the toilet reading a newspaper, presumably unaware of the destruction around him*

Void: Umm… Majin?

Majin: *puts newspaper down* a littel privacy if u plz *continues reading newspaper*

Rebel: *twitch*

Metabad: Hey Rebel dude, it’s alright, everything’s rawksome now, kay?

Rebel: …They… sold… Pepsi… they… sold… Pepsi…

Outlaw: Look, don’t worry everything’s alright now.

Mewtwo: Heh… but not for long… *uses telekinesis to lift Rebel up into the air*

Rebel: GAH! What the?!

Metabad: Dude, that was totally not rawksome, who are you anyways?

Mewtwo: *sighs* I thought you might ask that… I am Mewtwo.

Outlaw: Oh, you’re that Pokemon, right?

Mewtwo: Indeed, I am… for too long has my name gone unmentioned and unheard of… well no more! I am taking a stand, in fact… my friends and I have been taking a stand for quite some time now…

Void: …And who might your friends be?

Mewtwo: Hahaha, I’m glad you asked, fool…

Rebel: Oh, and by the way… You are anything BUT underrated, I mean you had two of your own movies which you starred in, you’re so damn powerful in the games, if not the most powerful…

Majin: *eyes bulge out* HE’S RITE!

Shadowstrike: Also you got to be in Super Smash Brothers Melee, so your claims of being underrated are false, heck you’re probably one of the most popular Pokemon in the entire franchise so what do you have to complain about?

Mewtwo: Hrmph, I was once popular, I’ll admit that… but no more, how many games am I in now? I was left out of Gold and Silver, returned for Fire Red and Leaf Green but only because those were remakes. There wasn’t a trace of me in Ruby, Saphire and Emerald… I wasn’t in Diamond and Pearl or Platinum, and they had the nerve to put in Arceus, the most powerful god-like Pokemon in the world, it is as if they were trying to mock me…

Metabad: You do bring up a good point, but–

Mewtwo: –Also my voice actor for the first movie Phillip Bartlett is a rather unknown voice actor, who has never even been mentioned since his debut movie… he’s really had no other roles either… people don’t even know nowadays whether he is dead or not… and let’s face it, Dan Green sounded too much like Yu-gi-oh in the second movie I was in… after that I only appeared in intros, and only had a cameo in a single episode where I was some sort of mirage. I also was replaced in Brawl by that pesky Lucario… and Brawl was much anticipated, perhaps more so than melee, it raised that pitiful normal pokemon to fame while I collected dust as a trophy.

Metabad: True, I did miss you in Brawl…and your first voice actor does need more love.

Shadowstrike: But you had your fame, can’t you pass the torch onto someone else?

Mewtwo: NO! *lifts Shadowstrike up with telekinesis and sends him crashing into a building* I have had enough, like I said; my friends and I are taking a stand… like I, they too are hated, underrated and underappreciated, although unlike me they never really had their claim to fame. So come on out, you two!

Snagglepuss: Enter stage left… *walks in* Good morning day!

Mewtwo: This is Snagglepuss… a Hanna Barbara cartoon mountain lion, he was overshadowed by the likes of Scooby Doo and Yogi Bear, and thus never really was that popular, and he was constantly ridiculed by immature gay jokes, well no more…

Sean: …You’re kidding, right?

Snagglepuss: *takes out tommy gun from hammerspace* Heavens to Murgatroyd I’m gonna shoot you all, kill you, even!

Mewtwo: Hahaha… and my other friend should be coming in just a second.

*Soon the entire city shook, as if an earthquake was occurring, the source of the tremor was eventually revealed as a loud roaring sound was heard, the CIA looked in the general direction of where the noise came from*

Mewtwo: This is the American Godzilla, or to the Godzilla fans, simply “Zilla” Do I even need to explain that this poor creature is hated? He is scorned by countless fanboys for “not staying true to the Godzilla name.”

Shadowstrike: Well the movie wasn’t even that great, really.

Mewtwo: But you fools don’t realize that it was a wonderful movie by itself… He was relatively ignored after his movie, and out of spite Godzilla 2000 was aired in American theaters… just to blow the American version out of the water.

Shadowstrike: The cartoon was cool; I’ll give him that–

Rebel: Shut up and let him continue! *Whacks Shadowstrike upside the head*

Shadowstrike: Ow…

Mewtwo: Well I did not like that one bit, and those insects at Toho had the nerve to put Zilla in one of their own movies only for Godzilla to beat him within a few seconds, that was biased and unfair and I for one shall not stand for it.

Metabad: Then shouldn’t you be sitting down?

Mewtwo: The cartoon starring him was good, so why must you hate him? In fact, because of you, I’ve taken this creature into my care after the cartoon ended just so that you wretched fools would cease harming him.

Zilla: ROOOOOAR!!

Mewtwo: He’s quite enraged you see? He wishes to prove that he’s better than that puppet lizard, just as much as I wish to prove that I am stronger than Mew.

Zilla: *Angered roar*

Snagglepuss: Calm down you silly billy, we’ll get these CIA members soon, right now even!

Rebel: Huh?

Void: Why would you three want to destroy us?

Mewtwo: Direct orders from our master, you see?

Outlaw: …Who might that be?

Mewtwo: You will be dead before you know the answers! Now, Zilla… destroy these whelps!

Zilla: *runs towards the CIA*

Majin: HOLY SHIT RUN OR GET RAPE!

Zilla: *Angered roar*

Majin: WE’RE FUCKED!

*The CIA soon run away from Zilla*

Void: We can’t just spend this entire time running away… we need to think of a plan!

Dark Knight: What are you talking about? A creature that big and slow couldn’t possibly keep up with us.

Metabad: …

Shadowstrike: …

Dark Knight: What?

Shadowstrike: …Um…

Metabad: …Actually… Zilla’s faster than the original Godzilla, he excels at speed.

*Metabad is soon crushed under Zilla’s foot*

Zilla: *Triumphant roar*

Rebel: NO, METABAD!

Sean: We have to defeat this creature somehow… Strike, how was this beast destroyed in the movie?

Shadowstrike: He was trapped by suspension cables and shot down by the military.

Outlaw: …Wow, really?

Rebel: …Well that’s lame.

Shadowstrike: Yeah, but the cartoon series that came after that was more true to the original.

Rebel: Well Strike, today is your lucky day… you’re going to fight that thing.

Shadowstrike: WHAT?

Rebel: *speeding off with the rest of the CIA* Good luck!

Shadowstrike: Hey, wait up!

*Shadowstrike tries to run towards the CIA but Zilla’s leg blocks his path*

Shadowstrike: …Hiiii theeere!

Zilla: *grunt*

Shadowstrike: You wouldn’t hurt a guy with glasses, would you? *Puts on glasses*

Zilla: *roars*

Shadowstrike: *glasses fly off* Aww, crap! *runs away*

Zilla: *chases after Shadowstrike*

Shadowstrike: Why are you trying to kill me? I have seven friends, kill them instead!

Zilla: *shakes head*

Shadowstrike: Then you leave me NO CHOICE! *fires a Sonic Slicer at Zilla’s head*

*It directly hits him but he is unaffected*

Shadowstrike: …Aww, crap… *continues running while firing 3 more sonic slicers at Zilla’s head*

Zilla: *fires atomic breath from his mouth*

Shadowstrike: GAH! *knocked back a ways* Oomph! That all you got?

Zilla: *grunts and begins burrowing underground*

Shadowstrike: YEAH YOU BETTER R–*he is soon cut off by the ground under him opening, revealing the giant lizard with his mouth open* OH SHI–

*Zilla soon closes his mouth, but the ostrich pries his mouth open with his feet*

Shadowstrike: Just… gotta… hold… his… mouth… open… don’t… let… him… eat… me… state… the… obvious… talk… in… long… unnecessary… pauses… like… this… *looks down and sees Zilla’s mouth glowing green* CRAP!

Zilla: ROAAAAAAR!! *launches Atomic flame breath*

Shadowstrike: *launched in the air* HOLY SHIIIIIIIIIT! *lands in Zilla’s hand*

Zilla: *holds Shadowstrike at eye level*

Shadowstrike: *is on fire* IT BUUUUUUURNS!

Zilla: *snarls and throws Shadowstrike into the ocean*

Shadowstrike: AHHHhhhhh… *splash*

Zilla: *takes a leap and dives after Shadowstrike*

Shadowstrike: MPH! *fires more Sonic Slicers*

Zilla: *swerves to avoid them*

Shadowstrike: Okay, seriously if you’re going to eat me then do it already!

Zilla: Eat you? Oh I am no barbarian; I only eat tuna but thank you very much for your generous offer kind sir.

Shadowstrike: …Did you just talk?

Zilla: …No?

Shadowstrike: You did, I clearly heard you talk!

Zilla: Well… alright, you caught me red-handed. I CAN talk, but only when I am underwater.

Shadowstrike: That doesn’t make ANY sense.

Zilla: Oh, what does make sense these days?

Shadowstrike: How are you talking so clearly under water?

Zilla: I should be asking you the same thing.

Shadowstrike: …Touch?.

Zilla: Indeed.

Shadowstrike: So why are you fighting us?

Zilla: Oh, I believe my good friend Mewtwo already told you the reason old chap.

Shadowstrike: Your leader, right?

Zilla: Mmm yes, quite.

Shadowstrike: Who is he anyways?

Zilla: Oh, we are under orders not to reveal his identity.

Shadowstrike: Come on, don’t be chicken.

Zilla: Enough with the prudent name calling, I get enough of that from that ill begotten pink mountain lion. Why I remember when I first found him in that filthy flea-ridden cavern. But alas I cannot tell you and must kill you under penalty of… well, I’m really not at liberty to say.

Shadowstrike: Alright, but just one more question.

Zilla: Make it quick now old bean, chop-chop!

Shadowstrike: Why do you sound so British when you were made… erm… I mean filmed, wait no… born in America?

Zilla: Ahh, America was once a British colony was it not?

Shadowstrike: But in the movie you were the result of a FRENCH nuclear test.

Zilla: My family migrated there when I was young. Now, I am afraid I must kill you. For you are FAR too hideous for my liking; away with you.

Shadowstrike: … *tries to frantically swim away but is blocked off by some boulders*

Zilla: Oh ho ho ho, your attempts at escaping amuse me so, but it will not work here.

Shadowstrike: *swims to the surface*

Zilla: No, not on my pocket watch–and just where do you think you are going? *reaches out for Shadowstrike and pulls him back down* I was not finished gloating you impatient buffoon! Tsk tsk, now you’ve gone and made me do this the hard way…*Whacks Shadowstrike with his tail and pins him to the ground*

Shadowstrike: *sighs in defeat*

Zilla: That’s the spirit, old chap. Now I must crush you under my foot like I did to that stag earlier, no hard feelings though. Pip-pip cheerio!

*Zilla was about to crush Shadowstrike under his foot when suddenly he felt a searing pain in his back*

Zilla: Blimey! *releases Shadowstrike* What treachery is this?

Dark Knight: *lodging his energy pincers in Zilla’s back* Get to the surface Shadow, hurry!

Shadowstrike: …*nods and swims to the surface*

Zilla: In the name of the queen… in the name of Big Ben, and in the name of my offspring, I will not let you vile cretins get away with this!

Dark Knight: *swims to the surface as well* Your numbers up, monster!

Zilla: *swimming after them* Oh please, monster is such an extreme word for me; I do not eat any humans, do I?

Shadowstrike: Actually, I’m pretty sure you did.

Zilla: Okay, maybe I DID eat one, but that was purely by accident.

Shadowstrike: Well your offspring ate a handful of humans.

Zilla: Well maybe they did, but they smelled like delicious tuna, can you really blame them?

*Soon Shadowstrike and Dark Knight get back on land*

Shadowstrike: So do you have any plans in defeating this creature?

Dark Knight: Yup.

Zilla: *leaps out of the ocean and creates a giant earthquake just by landing on the ground*

Shadowstrike: Well, if you DO have plans, now would be a good time to tell me them.

Dark Knight: No time to explain, just follow me!

Shadowstrike: Alright…

*So Dark Knight and Shadowstrike began running away from Zilla once more, up ahead there are multiple strike chains connecting between two buildings*

Shadowstrike: …So your whole plan was relying on Majin?

Dark Knight: Actually HE came up with the plan.

Shadowstrike: What? But you said–

Dark Knight: I lied.

Majin: *on top of one of the buildings* I like 2 b heplful! *burp* hay mr. crocodile, iz multiple stryke chainz liek havin sex or sumfin?

Outlaw: *on the very same building* You should know, you had sex with a ship once, remember?

Majin: O ya! *Hic* she needz 2 write moar.

Outlaw: “She” got blown up.

Majin: u got dat rite, they’re not da same wen dey r fat.

Outlaw: That’s not what I meant

Majin: den whaut did u meen o great hero of Koridai?

Outlaw: …Nevermind, let’s just pray that your plan works.

Majin: It ttly duz, I came up wiff it in 5 mins, 4 whoal minz.

Outlaw: I thought you said it was five minutes.

Majin: dats whut I sed, 3 minutes, I wuz evan sober… till I drank sum nice creamy baileys.

Dark Knight: *slips through the gaps between the Strike Chains*

Shadowstrike: *slides under the Strike Chains* This better work…

Zilla: *runs straight into the Strike Chains*

Dark Knight: GOT HIM!

Zilla: *struggling to get out*

Shadowstrike: Just like in the movie… only there were missiles exploding on him.

Rebel: *teleports in and begins throwing Magnet Mines on Zilla*

Shadowstrike: …Good enough.

Zilla: ROAAAAARR!!

Majin: Milky white…

*After a few more Magnet Mines, as well as many other attempts to get out of these Strike Chains, Zilla collapsed in defeat and shut his eyes*

Zilla: *Defeated roar*

Majin: THE BRICKS HAVE BEEN DEFEATED!

Rebel: Good job on distracting him long enough so that we could prepare, Shadow.

Shadowstrike: I was left for dead and forced to fend for myself.

Rebel: Okay, just for that… no more lines for the rest of this epilogue.

Shadowstrike: But, but, but–

Rebel: No buts.

Majin: Specilly no butts!

Mewtwo: *teleports in* I must appreciate your yearning for survival, even though it is entirely pointless.

Majin: SEY DAT 2 MIE FACE, U LIMP NOODLE!

Mewtwo: It all ends here, I shall destroy you all… *launches all of the CIA members back with his telekinesis*

Shadowstrike: *passes out*

Rebel: Yeah, you BETTER pass out, punk.

Mewtwo: You may have defeated Zilla, but the war is not over yet, now… you must face ME!

*But before Mewtwo can even charge after them he immediately passes out.*

Rebel: …

Majin: …

Outlaw: …Wow, that was anti-climactic.

Dark Knight: You said it.

Metabad: *standing behind Mewtwo with a taser in his hand* You think I’d miss this party?

Outlaw: But… dude, you were crushed.

Metabad: I got better.

Rebel: …Works for me!

Majin: Creamy beige…

Sean: *runs in* I hardly got any lines in this epilogue.

Dark Knight: Well Sean, it could–

Sean: Oh no, you are NOT finishing that sentence!

Metabad: Always be–

Sean: YOU NEITHER!

Void: *flies in* I was about to complain about the same thing, actually.

Outlaw: I think the one who got the most lines in this epilogue was Shadowstrike.

Rebel: Lucky bastard…

Shadowstrike: *still passed out*

Rebel: Yeah, you BETTER stay unconscious!

Outlaw: Well, I guess that’s it.

Rebel: Let’s go–

Snagglepuss: Enter stage left! *runs in* Heavens to murgatroyd! What happened to my buddies? Partners, even.

Rebel: Nevermind.

Sean: I forgot about you, admittedly.

Snagglepuss: *somehow picks up Zilla and Mewtwo* Well, if you’ll ex-SCUSE me, I have to rebuild my buddies into cyborgs, it’s the only logical thing to dooo~.

Void: You mean to tell me that you are the scientist of your little group?

Snagglepuss: That’s right; got a problem with that, do you want to fight about it? *looks at Majin* What about you, walking sponge?

Outlaw: Don’t tick him off.

Rebel: He’s dangerous, and stupid.

Snagglepuss: Dangerous indeed, you don’t scare me Majjy and you better not show up around my lab heeere. I’ll give you a left and a right and an about face and down you goooo, what do you say about thaaaaat Majjyyyyy?

Majin: Do u love me?

Snagglepuss: Exit, stage left! *runs away with Zilla and Mewtwo in both hands*

Rebel: Metabad, follow him.

Metabad: Si, por favor! *runs after him*

Snagglepuss: *still running*

Metabad: *still running*

Snagglepuss: *background moves to make it look like he’s running*

Metabad: *same desired results here*

Snagglepuss: *stops in his tracks and turns around*

Metabad: *also stops*

Snagglepuss: Are you following me?

Metabad: …

Snagglepuss: …

Metabad: …

Snagglepuss: …

Metabad: …Yes.

Snagglepuss: …

Metabad: …

Snagglepuss: …

Metabad: …

Snagglepuss: …

Metabad: …

Snagglepuss: That’s what I conjectured.

Metabad: …

Snagglepuss: …

Metabad: …

Snagglepuss: …

Metabad: …

Snagglepuss: *continues running*

Metabad: *continues chasing*

Snagglepuss: *runs into his laboratory*

Metabad: Oshi–*turns around* HEY GUYS, I FOUND THE LAB!

Rebel: We’re already here.

Metabad: *turns around* Oh, RAWKIN’! Now all we have to do is go into the lab.

Majin: I race u do u race me?

Metabad: YOU’RE ON PALBERT! *runs into the lab*

Majin: mie name iz nawt Willy. *runs alongside Metabad*

*As soon as the rest of the CIA members enter the lab, they see Snagglepuss, along with Mewtwo in robotic armor, as well as Zilla with cybernetic parts*

Snagglepuss: Hope ya enjoy your new upgrades, fellas… courtesy of me, on the house, even!

Cyber-Zilla: *sneezes*

Cyber-Mewtwo: You all got lucky last time, for if it were not for that sneak attack I would have unleashed my TRUE power! But now Snagglepuss has enhanced Zilla and I to perfection, and as such we will–

Rebel: Yeah, yeah, yeah typical villain monologue, just get on with it!

Snagglepuss: Oh, you’re no fun!

Cyber-Zilla: *roars*

Snagglepuss: How dare you!

Cyber-Mewtwo: Silence… now, AFTER THEM! *Points to the CIA*

*As soon as Mewtwo shouted, the trio charged straight for the CIA*

Rebel: Alright guys, I got a plan…Void, Dark Knight, Metabad, Majin, Outlaw, Shadowstrike’s passed out body, come with me and help me defeat Mewtwo.

Sean: What about me?

Rebel: You will have the honor of single-handedly taking on the giant mechanical chameleon.

Metabad: Iguana, dude.

Rebel: Whatever.

Sean: Can’t I at least have some back-up?

Rebel: *sighs* Fine. *throws Shadowstrike’s passed out body at Sean which lands with a hard THUD in front of him*

Sean: …Actually when I said that, I had someone more… conscious in mind.

Rebel: Well that’s my final offer, take it or leave it.

Outlaw: Actually, I’ll go with him…

Rebel: What, but why?

Majin: Cuz iz liek zilla vs moar reptiles btut Outraw neads 2 b biggor liek hueg 2 fite 2 fart.

Outlaw: Well, I think he would be easier to handle than Mewtwo, and besides… someone needs to look out for Sean.

Rebel: Alright, fine… the rest of you, come with me. *Speeds off towards Mewtwo*

Metabad: This fights gonna be HELL-A RAWKIN! *Accompanies Rebel*

Void: This should be an interesting fight to say in the least…*flies towards Mewtwo*

Majin: I WILL ALWAYS FITE 2 FART! *bounces towards Mewtwo*

Dark Knight: You are all WEIRDOS! *accompanies Majin*

Sean: Well, looks like it’s just you and me, Outlaw…Oh, and him. *Points to Shadowstrike*

Shadowstrike: *inexplicably has a bucket on his head*

Outlaw: How’d THAT get on him?

Sean: Hell if I know. *Throws it off*

Outlaw: So…

Cyber-Zilla: *fires missiles at Outlaw and Sean*

Outlaw: *dodging* How are we going to go up against this creature?

Sean: *takes out dragon flute* I have my ways…

Outlaw: Hey, what’s that?

Cyber-Zilla: *fires lasers from mouth*

Sean: *dodges* Well, I was hoping I wouldn’t have to show this to any of my other teammates…but since Strike is passed out…*plays flute*

*Soon the Dragonzord falls from the sky and strikes a pose*

Outlaw: The Dragonzord? Neat! Can I pilot it?

Sean: Maybe some day, but for now Shadow is the main pilot.

Outlaw: But he’s passed out right now.

Sean: …Oh yeah, I forgot already…looks like I’ll have to pilot it.

Outlaw: But what can I do?

Sean: You can…stand on top of it and throw spin wheels at Cyber-Zilla or something.

Outlaw: *shrugs* Alright, good enough…but I HAVE to pilot that thing someday!

Sean: *sighs*

*So Sean and Outlaw got into the cockpit of the Dragonzord, dragging Shadowstrike along, we now observe the rest of our heroes battling Mewtwo*

Cyber-Mewtwo: I’m going to win…

Metabad: OVER MY DEAD GRANDMA! *uses Speed Burner on Mewtwo*

Cyber-Mewtwo: *raises a defense barrier* Fool! *Performs a Counter on Metabad*

Metabad: OWWW!

Majin: oooo dat 1 hert him!

Rebel: *Teleports around the place throwing magnet mines at Mewtwo*

Cyber-Mewtwo: *raises the mines with telekinetic powers while also teleporting around the place* Two can play at that game! *Fires the mines back at Rebel*

Rebel: *caught in the explosion* Gahhh! There has got to be some way to beat this guy…

Dark Knight: *Charges at Mewtwo with Energy pincers sticking out*

Cyber-Mewtwo: I can read your mind like an open book… *eyes glow blue and DK is stopped in his tracks* You cannot win.

Void: Wait… that’s it!

Metabad: Did you think of something RAWKIN’?

Void: See, we’re thinking of our attacks while we fight him…

Rebel: So what’s your point?

Void: I was getting to that, now while strategizing is fine and dandy for combat situations, Mewtwo always remains two steps ahead of us. We need to somehow not think of our attacks before we perform them.

Rebel: Wow, Void… that might just be…

Void: …

Rebel: …The stupidest thing you’ve ever said!

Metabad: YEAH, SHAME ON YOU, MAN!

Void: I admit, I couldn’t believe I said that either, but it might just work.

Rebel: Well, we COULD do that…

Metabad: OR we could pit Mewtwo up against Majin, either way works.

Rebel: A rawkin’ idea my friend!

Metabad: YEAHHHHH! *rawks*

Rebel: *rawks*

Majin: *rakes leaves*

Void: …

Majin: Da whealz on da whale go plop and doing, plop and doing, plop and BOI-OI-OI-OING!

Void: …I think you may have something here.

Cyber-Mewtwo: Well, are we still fighting? Or did you all realize how useless it is to go against me?

Rebel: I’ll tell you what, let’s see if you can beat Majin single handedly.

Metabad: If you win under 30 minutes, we’ll give you the Whale King!

Void: Now wait just one second here, we never agreed to that…

Metabad: Don’t worry, we don’t HAVE to do it, see it’s all about tickling their buying bone.

*All of the CIA members there (besides Majin) leave the battlefield and observe the oncoming battle*

Cyber-Mewtwo: Now let me get this straight… you will actually give up that sorry excuse for a ship, if I beat an incoherent drunk who has no idea what he is doing?

Majin: Dats rite mofo cuz I just spekil like dat *hic*

Cyber-Mewtwo: Hahaha, this will be simple…

Snagglepuss: A complete joke, even.

Majin: C’MAWN LEYUTS GOOO!

Snagglepuss: Kick his butt, Twoster!

Cyber-Mewtwo: Never call me that again…

Snagglepuss: Heavens to Murgatroyd, did you get up on the wrong side of the bed or what? I’m just being supportive.

Cyber-Mewtwo: Let’s just get this over with… *faces Majin* I doubt you have what it takes to defeat me!

Majin: Da sky dies da same… da starz… da mewn…

Cyber-Mewtwo: *fires a Shadow Ball at Majin*

Majin: OMPH! *is hit in the stomach*

Cyber-Mewtwo: Please, this is pathetic… *teleports and shoots purple flames at Majin*

Majin: Oshi–*is hit* IMMA BURNIN UP REEL BAD BOIIIII!

Rebel: So much for your plan Void…

Void: Actually it was Metabad’s plan.

Rebel: Shut up, I can still blame you if I want!

Cyber-Mewtwo: *standing on top of Majin* Any last words?

Majin: BUT WATE, DERES MOAR! *latches onto Mewtwo with a Strike Chain and electrocutes him*

Cyber-Mewtwo: *armor begins short circuiting* ARGH…I should have…seen that coming…nothing a little mind reading won’t fix though. *presses fingers against head*

Majin: *turns towards Snagglepuss* HAI SNAGGLEPENIS!

Snagglepuss: Say-whaaaa? What did you call me now? Oh that’s it friend, I’ll knock you so hard through stage left, you’ll come out all the way through stage right! *raises fists*

Cyber-Mewtwo: No, Snagglepuss… this is MY fight…

Snagglepuss: Hey, I’m just trying to help, don’t need to be such a sour puss!

Cyber-Mewtwo: Now…to read your mind…*closes eyes*

Majin: lolololol dat tickels!

Cyber-Mewtwo: …That cannot be…

Snagglepuss: What’s going on? What’s going onnn, differ beggar?

Cyber-Mewtwo: I sense absolutely no thought within this being…

Snagglepuss: Oh wow, and that’s the ace in your trump, the way ya win battles, the little tricksies up your sleevies!

Cyber-Mewtwo: I know that, Snaggle–*Mewtwo is soon cut off by more lightning striking him*

Snagglepuss: Heavens to Murgatroyd, is it storming so hard, IN my lab? That doesn’t make any sense… this day is just getting odd, strange even!

Majin: *dancing* knee drop drop-pa-pop-pa-mo-bop

Rebel: Alright, Majin’s had his fun… time to kick some ass…

Metabad: SUPER AWESOME FIGHTING FORCE STYLE!

Rebel and Metabad: YEAHHHHH! *rawks*

*Soon Rebel, Metabad, Dark Knight and Void spring into action once more*

Snagglepuss: Oh me, oh my! In the words of Ackbar…it’s a trap!

Cyber-Mewtwo: What?!

Rebel: *takes out Magnet Mine* Metabad, you know what to do…*throws Magnet Mine at Mewtwo*

Metabad: Right-o! *shoots a fireball at the mine*

*The mine soon explodes in a fiery rage, directly hitting Mewtwo*

Cyber-Mewtwo: *the mine blows his armor off* NO! My armor…

Snagglepuss: I worked so hard on it, too… slaved away, even! We should all just exit stage left already, whaddya say old pal?

Mewtwo: No, I can still fight… *a Strike Chain soon tangles around him* What is the meaning of this? *is tossed into a Silk Shot, which Majin soon coats in electricity* GRAHHHH!

Dark Knight: Now for the finisher! *encases Mewtwo in a bubble*

Mewtwo: …That’s it?

Snagglepuss: That was a bit flimsy; he can still fight y’know…

Dark Knight: Heheh… but not for long! *impales Mewtwo with his energy pincers*

Mewtwo: ARRRGGGHHHH!

Snagglepuss: TWOSTER, NO! *pulls Mewtwo off of the energy pincers*

Mewtwo: GRAGGGHHH!

Snagglepuss: Oh… that looks painful, fatal even! We really should exit the stage, you’re in no condition to fight.

Mewtwo: …You… may be right… Snagglepuss…

Snagglepuss: Are you alriiiight?

Mewtwo: This is nothing a little recovery won’t fix… but I fear we must retreat… *turns towards the CIA* Code: Island Attackers… you win… for now… *presses hand up against head*

Snagglepuss: Buh-bye Codeys, don’t forget to write, exit stage teleport!

*Mewtwo and Snagglepuss are soon teleported away*

Metabad: Dude, that fight RAWKED!

Rebel: Meh, coulda been better…

Metabad: …Yeah, I agree, we could have kicked more ass to the moon while pulling it out of its orbit, I mean now that I think about it… that fight was so non-rawkin that I think I fell asleep!

Rebel: I liked that fight.

Metabad: Oh, yeah… I was on the edge of my seat that whole time, I mean that Mewtwo was one powerhouse of a villain, you know?

Rebel: Nah, that fight sucked.

Metabad: Yeah, well–

Dark Knight: *facepalm*

Metabad: WHAT IS YOUR DEAAAAAAAL MAAAAAAAAN?

Void: Metabad, don’t you see that he’s just trying to screw with your head?

Metabad: …Are you screwin’ with me?

Rebel: Yeah, I am.

Majin: DATS OUR REBEL! *laughs like a laugh track*

Void: Well, let’s go see how Outlaw, Sean, and Strike are doing. *flies off*

Rebel: Hey, I make the orders around here, BUG!

Void: But you’re a bug too…

Rebel: SILENCE! I KEEL YOU! *strangles Void*

Void: ACK–*cough* WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?!

Rebel: ASK ME WHAT MY ORDERS ARE, BITCH!

Void: EEK–*choke* WHAT ARE YOUR–*cough* ORDERS SIR? *gasps for air*

Rebel: Let’s see how the others are doing. *releases Void*

Void: Okay, was that REALLY necessary?

Rebel: Yes. *runs out of the lab*

Majin: 2 da windaow, 2 da wall! *bounces after him*

Metabad: *rawks while following Rebel*

Void: *sighs and flies off*

Dark Knight: *stumbles after the group* Damn these short legs of mine!

*The group soon sees Cyber-Zilla, with his mechanical arm torn off and a bite taken out of his chest with a Spin Wheel sticking out of his chest, lying unconscious while staying afloat above the water, before he was teleported away*

Sean: …That… was…

Outlaw: AWESOME!

Shadowstrike: *wakes up* H-huh? What did I miss?

Sean: Shadow, you missed the greatest fight the Dragonzord ever had!

Outlaw: IT WAS AMAZING, YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN IT!

Shadowstrike: Damn… sounds like I missed quite the battle… thanks a lot Mewtwo…*mumble mumble*

Outlaw: I even got to pilot it at one point, how cool is that?

Sean: Where did you learn to pilot machinery like that?

Outlaw: I read a book about piloting giant mechs… before I ate it.

Rebel: *teleports in* Sounds like you two had quite the battle.

Shadowstrike: Hey, what about me?

Rebel: What ABOUT you?

Shadowstrike: I freaking defeated him the first time for crying out loud!

Dark Knight: Yeah, but only with my help.

Majin: Und my brians *picks nose with breadstick* I m a lawyer!

Shadowstrike: *sighs* Everyone’s against me…

Rebel: Well team, it’s been… an odd day to say in the least…

Metabad: You got that straight.

Void: I propose we–

Majin: OF COURCE I’LL MARRY U!

Void: No, no, no, not THAT kind of proposal, Majin.

Majin: I do!

Void: *sighs* Let’s just go back to the Whale King already.

Rebel: Hey, WHAT DID I SAY BEFORE I STRANGLED YOU?!

Void: …That you give the orders.

Rebel: Exactly, don’t make me choke a bitch again, with that said, let’s go back on the Whale King.

Sean: Right behind you Rebel.

Metabad: You might be RIGHT behind him, but I’m RAWKIN behind him! *rawks*

Majin: I m a robutt beep boop bop bip bip lol

*So with that said the CIA went back to the Whale King, meanwhile in a far off evil fortress of doom…*

Gates: *sitting on a throne made from bloody bones that is on fire*

Mewtwo: *bowing to Bill Gates* And that is why we have failed you, my master… I am so sorry, please forgive us.

Gates: Gentlemen, I am very disappointed in you.

Mewtwo: I beg of you, please spare us, we tried our best in eliminating the CIA!

Snagglepuss: But heavens to Murgatroyd! They were tough cookies to crack, even with my technological genius!

Zilla: *Roars*

Snagglepuss: Oh you did not just call me that! You wanna fight? I’ll give you the old one-two!

Zilla: *Grumbles*

Snagglepuss: As in fisty-cuffs ya dimwit! I–

Gates: SILENCE! *slams hands down on the arms of his throne*

Snagglepuss: ULP!

Zilla: *whimpers*

Mewtwo: Won’t you give us another chance? We will not fail you next time, my leige… you have my word.

Gates: I appreciate your loyalty, but your failure is unacceptable…

Snagglepuss: Like, what are ya going to doooo~?

Gates: *smiles wickedly*

Zilla: *starts shaking all over*

Gates: *takes out a jar*

Mewtwo: …Wh-what is in there?

Snagglepuss: I don’t think I wanna knowww…

Gates: *slowly twists the jar open*

*Before the trio knew it, a swarm of mosquitoes soon went flying out of the jar, heading directly towards the three*

Snagglepuss: HEAVENS TO MURGATROYD, MOSQUITOES, INFECTED WITH MALARIA, EVEN!

Zilla: *Frightened roar*

Mewtwo: Oh damn it…

Gates: Not only poor people should experience this.

*The infected killer mosquitoes begin violently biting the trio all over their bodies, while they run around Bill’s fortress, screaming and crying in pain and agony as Bill Gates lets out a sinister and evil laugh*

Gates: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA! Oh, I’ll get you Code: Island Attackers… I’ll get you yet… *shakes fist*

The End

 

New and Improved

November 26, 2014

*Written by Rebel4000*

*The story this time takes place in the countryside. We see the X-Hunters walking down a dirt road with Agile carrying a large sack of money, coming up to an old barn with a bunch of junk lying in front of it. Next to all of this is a crudely made sign that has the words “Yard Sale” written on it.*

Agile: *drops the bags of money and stretches* All right! We’re here!

Violen: HOORAY!!

Serges: *takes hat off to scratch head* When I said we needed to buy upgrades I had something a little… different in mind.

Agile: Aw, c’mon, Serges. We always look in the trash for our power-ups. This time around… IT’S A FEAST!!

Serges: It’s a yard sale.

Agile: A FEAST!!

Violen: *squeals in delight* OH MY GOD IT’S AN “I LOVE LUCY” STOP WATCH!!

Serges: …So?

Violen: They only made about ten in the whole world!

Serges: …So?

Violen: Aaaand it’s about $300.

Serges: …So?

Violen: …Can we get it? *gets bitchslapped*

Serges: Do you think this is some sort of game, Violen!? We found that money and planned to use it to buy upgrades, not novelties! Isn’t that right, Agile…

Agile: *holding a hula hoop* Absolutely.

Serges: …

Agile: …Aw. *gets bitchslapped*

Serges: ENOUGH!! I am going to look for something that can be useful, so I want you two to keep an eye on the money for me.

Violen: Bwuh? Why would you want us to watch the money? *stares at the “I Love Lucy” stop watch longingly before getting bitchslapped again*

Serges: The reason is because I want to still have single shred of faith in you two buffoons.

Violen: Ohhh.

Serges: Got that? Now go wait in the car.

Agile and Violen: But–

Serges: NO BUTS!! *stomps off*

Violen: …We have a car?

Agile: No clue.

Old Man: *appears out of nowhere* ‘Ey there, sonnies! Might I be interestin’ you fine lads inta purchasin’ one o’ these items? *points at his small selection*

Agile: Um… well, actually we are just watching the money for our friend…

Old Man: Oh, don’ be silly now, youngin’s! Take a looky at tis fine piece o’ merchanise I gots here…

*The old man bends over and pulls up a strange looking object. It appeared to be a hat of some sort, blue in color with some light blue highlights. In the middle rested a red jewel which carried with it an atmosphere of both dread and temptation.*

Violen: *drooling* W-what is that…?

Old Man: *completely unaffected* ‘Tis be what they call the “Demon Crown”. ‘Twas found excavated in some ruins or other. I don’t pay much attention to ta details meself! *laughs*

Agile: *breathless* How much do you want for it?

Old Man: *grins* …How much ye got?

*Later that day, back in the X-Hunter’s base of operations, the local pizza shop’s dumpster…*

Serges: So, let me get this straight… I left the money with you two to watch it… I put my faith in you two… and you went off and bought a WHAT!?

Agile: *cowering* W-we bought a crown! A d-d-demon crown!

Violen: *sobbing* We couldn’t refuse! *gets hit in the face with the crown* Oof!

Serges: *breathing heavily* You… two… ARE COMPLETE MORONS!! All of that money… wasted on this!? *picks up the crown* DO YOU THINK WE CAN BEAT THE ISLAND ATTACKERS WITH THIS!?

Violen: Maybe if you throw it at them like you did to me we can–*gets hit in the face again* WAAAAAAAH!!

Agile: *trying to be calm* Now, now, Serges, let’s not blow this out of proportion… We’ve been defeated so many times now, should we even care if we always come out at the bottom?

Serges: *glares* YOU!!

Agile: Huh?

Serges: It’s THAT kind of attitude why we are always losing!

Agile: WHAT!?

Serges: And YOU!! *points at Violen*

Violen: *crying hysterically* M-m-m-me!?

Serges: You are WORTHLESS!! Always crying! We’d do better without you! Heck, I’d do better without EITHER OF YOU!!

Agile: S-Serges… come on… Don’t be like this…

Serges: SHUT UP!! THE X-HUNTERS ARE THROUGH AGILE!!

Violen: *screams* NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

Agile: You can’t do this! What about all we’ve been through together!? Are you going to let it all go to waste!?

Serges: …

Agile: Well?

Serges: Yes.

*Serges kicks the two out of the dumpster.*

Serges: AND STAY OUT!! *slams the lid*

Violen: *sniff* I wish Lucy was here. She’d make everything better.

Agile: Oh, get over it.

*Back inside the dumpster*

Serges: *calming down* Feh… stupid idiots! *mockingly* “Let’s waste all of our money on a stupid crown!” Crown my ass… *picks it up and looks at it* Hmph. What’s so special about this… Demon Crown, was it? Well, it looks like it could be a nice replacement for this old hat of mine. Might as well not waste it.

*Serges takes off his old hat and places the Demon Crown on. He then turns to look into a broken mirror.*

Serges: Hmm… not too bad if I do say so myself! It certainly does give me a regal look… Hah! Like that’d ever happen… not with idiots like those always ruining my life… If only… if only I could have some competent help! Someone out there who could help assist my brilliant plans to crush the Island Attackers and finally regain my lost status! Someone who could get me out of this blasted dumpster! If only…

*Before Serges can continue the dumpster he is in begins to shake violently.*

Serges: W-what the!? Is it Thursday already!? HOLD ON!! SOMEONE IS IN HERE!! HEEEELP!!

*With those words the dumpster explodes, causing Serges, along with Agile and Violen who were standing outside, to go flying.*

Serges, Agile, Violen: *hits the floor* Ugh…

???: Did you summon me?

Serges: *gets up slowly* Urgh… say what…?

*Serges looks at the source of the voice. What was before him appeared to be a young, pale-skinned woman floating gently in the air.*

Serges: What in the world!?

Misery: My name is Misery. I have been summoned here by the Demon Crown that you bear.

Serges: Demon Crown…? You mean the thing on my head summoned you!?

Misery: …Yes.

Serges: …Very interesting! And what happened to the dumpster, was that your doing? From it shaking to then exploding?

Misery: Yes, I am a witch, you see. Such a feat is mere child’s play for one such as myself.

Serges: *excited* So I would assume that by being summoned by this crown, the bearer has some sort of ownership over you?

Misery: I suppose you could say that… Whatever you want I will do.

Serges: *laughs* Excellent! My name is Serges and starting today… I am your master!

Misery: …

Agile: *gets back up* Man… What did I tell ya, Serges? It looks like with that Demon Crown, victory is ours after all, huh!?

Violen: We can actually win for once!

Serges: Ohohohohohoho. That is what you think.

Agile and Violen: Eh?

Serges: Oh Misery? Could you do me a favor?

Misery: Yes?

Serges: For your first task… I want you to take care of those two! *points at Agile and Violen*

Agile and Violen: Huh!?

Misery: As you wish.

Agile: H-hold up! Serges! What’re you doing!?

Serges: What am I doing? I’m cleaning up the trash!

Violen: *getting teary-eyed* DON’T DO THIS PLEEEEASE!!

Serges: And why should I? As far as I’m concerned… you two are dead!

Violen: *bursts into a torrent of tears* SERGES HATES UUUUUUUSSSSS!!

Serges: Enough of this nonsense! Misery, finish them off!

Misery: I have a better idea. BALROG!! GET OVER HERE NOW!!

Serges, Agile, Violen: Who?

???: Huzzah!!

*A large, gray, rectangular-shaped object falls from the sky, landing between the two groups. On his face is a big, goofy smile.*

Balrog: Hey-o, everyone! The name’s Balrog. Pleased to meet ya!

Misery: Balrog, a new master has appeared bearing the Demon Crown. You know what that means, do you not?

Balrog: Huh? Oh yeah, ‘course I do! So, what, I’ve gotta take care of these guys? *turns to face Agile and Violen*

Misery: Bingo. Make sure you don’t make it too messy.

Agile: Wait. Our opponent is some giant microwave?

Violen: I thought it was a television…

Serges: *to himself* Looks like a lunchbox to me.

Balrog: *proudly* What am I? Who knows! I don’t even think I know.

Violen: That’s confusing.

Balrog: Which is why I don’t think about it!

Violen: Works for me!

Agile: Me too! …I guess.

Balrog: Anyway, I’m gonna have to kill you two now. Bye! *fires a missile at Violen*

Violen: EEEEK!! *gets caught in the explosion*

Agile: VIOLEN!!

Violen: *badly injured* The missile hurts, Agile!

Agile: *pulls out his saber* You… box-thing! You’ll pay for that!

Balrog: Bring it on! *jumps into the air and starts dropping various projectiles*

Agile: *dodging the objects* Hah! Is that the best you can do!?

Balrog: Nope. *lands on top of Agile, crushing him*

Agile: Gaaack!! *coughs up fluid*

Serges: *claps* Bravo! Encore, encore!

Balrog: Hmm… okay! *gets back up and falls on Agile again*

Agile: Guuuh!! *coughs some more*

Misery: I see you can do something right once in a great while, Balrog.

Balrog: …Misery! Now that I think of it… why didn’t you do this? Did you make me do the hard work? WHY DO I ALWAYS DO THE HARD WORK!?

Serges: *standing before Agile* I said that we were through and I meant it! Yes… starting now I am establishing a new team of worthy, competent fighters! We shall be known as the New X-Hunters, as a symbol to show how improved we are over the old, worthless trash.

Agile: That’s a low blow, man…

Serges: Like I care!

Misery: Should we finish them off now, master?

Serges: Hmm… Actually, forget them for now. I have something I want to do while they are still breathing!

Balrog: Oooh, sounds kinky.

Serges: Come! Balrog, Misery… we depart at once!

*The three members of the New X-Hunters thus vanish into thin air thanks to Misery’s magic.*

Agile: *gets up once more* Ow… that thing nearly broke my back… Violen! Get up! We have to chase after them! We have to bring Serges back to his senses!

Violen: How? We don’t even know where they’re going, Agile…

Agile: There is only one thing that Serges would want us to see before killing us off…

*Nearby, at the Code: Island Attacker’s personal Whale King…*

Dark Knight: MORTAL KOOOOOOOOOOMBAAAAAAAAAAT!! *tackles Metabad*

Metabad: DIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEE!! *pulls out his whip and hits DK with it*

Dark Knight: *pulls out a bubble wand and blows some bubbles*

Metabad: *screams and faints*

Void: *sticks his head out of the lab* What in the world is going on out there!?

Shadowstrike: *runs up next to Void* Well, it’s kinda like pay-per view, but better.

Rebel: *with a can of Coke* Damn straight.

Dark Knight: *faces Majin* MORTAL KOOOOOOOOOOMBAAAAAAAAAAT!! *rushes toward him*

Majin: Huh? *gets rammed and goes flying over the couch*

Outlaw: *hiding behind the couch, nawing on a bug* You okay there, Majin?

Majin: I… I think I need a drink…

Shadowstrike: *runs up next to Majin* Yeah, y’know, I haven’t seen you really drunk for a while.

Majin: There’s just been… a lot to think about.

Sean: *sitting on the couch* Don’t let it affect you too much, though. It could interfere with your fighting skills.

Dark Knight: Could be worse.

Sean: *gets shocked* That could, too.

Void: While you guys are busy making absolute nonsense, I think I’m gonna head back into my lab now… *walks away*

Rebel: *finishes his can and crushes it* Pfft, what a party-pooper. Oh well. C’mon, Metabad. *nudges Metabad*

Metabad: *still unconcious* …

Rebel: Metabad?

Metabad: …

Rebel: Ohhh, I get it. Playing dead. Good call, dude, good call…

*At that moment the ship’s alarm begins to sound off*

Shadowstrike: Argh, what is with that noise?

Sean: That’s the intruder alarm! Someone is… intruding!

Shadowstrike: That makes… a lot of sense.

Void: *comes out of his lab* I just can’t get any peace and quiet around here! What’s going on?

Sean: As I’ve already stated, there must be an intruder intruding because the intruder alarm is going off.

Dark Knight: Well, where is he? I’ll murderlize him!

Sean: According to the chart the intruder has just landed on the deck… in other words he is intruding on the deck. Because he’s an intruder.

Shadowstrike: Stop with the annoying puns.

Sean: Quit intruding into my personal space!

Outlaw: *looking at the chart* The guy doesn’t seem too hostile.

Void: We can’t be certain of that.

Dark Knight: Yes, yes, I agree. We should definitely go out there with both guns blazing.

Metabad: What if it’s just a ship-to-ship salesman?

Dark Knight: A ship-to-ship salesman? Are you stupid?

Metabad: HEY!! I know you and your trick questions! So I say… yes! I AM STUPID!!

Dark Knight: Explains so much…

Rebel: Enough. Let’s just go out there and tell this fool to get off of our ship. I don’t have time to deal with this.

Shadowstrike: Wow. Serious Rebel is serious.

Rebel: I am always serious when it comes to ship-to-ship salesmen. They are almost as bad as Pepsi!

Everyone else: *sighs*

*The team sets the ship on auto-pilot as they all head toward the deck. When they reach their destination, however, they find the place to be deserted.*

Dark Knight: What? There’s no one here? What a ripoff!

Sean: You are way too eager to fight.

Dark Knight: Could be worse.

Sean: *shocked* That isn’t funny anymore!

Void: It is a tad strange, though…

Outlaw: Maybe the alarm is faulty?

Void: Maybe…

Rebel: Whatevz. Let’s head back in, guys.

*The team turns around and begins to walk away. Before they can reach the door, however…*

???: Leaving before you even arrived?

Void: That voice! *turns around*

Majin: Could it be…?

Serges: That’s right, it is I, Serges!

Sean: What’re you doing here!?

Serges: Why, I thought I’d just drop by to visit. *smiles wickedly*

Outlaw: I’d place my bet that he’s the reason why the alarm went off!

Serges: You wound me, Island Attackers. Am I really all that suspicious?

Sean: Yes, because you are an intruder. *gets punched* Ow! What was that for!?

Shadowstrike: Sorry. I thought you were going to do more puns.

Serges: Always beating each other up? What typical Island Attackers behavior!

Void: *quietly* Something isn’t right. Where’s Agile and Violen? Serges wouldn’t come alone…

Dark Knight: Who cares!? All I know is that his ass is GRASS!!

*Dark Knight lunges forward with his energy pincers extended, preparing to skewer the old Reploid. Before he can reach him, however, he gets caught in multiple blasts from above, causing the CIA members to go flying back in pain!*

Dark Knight: Agh!!

Shadowstrike: What the!?

Metabad: WHAT’S GOING ON!?

Balrog: Huzzah! *drops down to Serges’ left* How’d you like them apples? I’m as cunning as a fox!

Misery: *appears next to Serges’ right* Now isn’t the time to kid, Balrog.

Balrog: I WASN’T KIDDING!!

Majin: Who’re those two?

Rebel: Just what’s your game, huh, X-Hunters!?

Serges: X-Hunters…? Oh yes, pardon me. The X-Hunters are no more!

CIA: WHAT!?

Serges: After dealing with those buffoons all these years, I decided to acquaint myself with real talent. I’d like you to meet my humble servants, Balrog and Misery! *gestures*

Balrog: ‘Sup?

Misery: …

Serges: Together, the three of us compose… THE NEW X-HUNTERS!!

Metabad: So, wait… the X-Hunters… become the New X-Hunters?

Serges: YES!!

Shadowstrike: Couldn’t you guys have at least been a bit more original with your name? Like the “Neo X-Hunters”?

Balrog: Neo?

Outlaw: Wait, wait, I got one! How about “X-Hunters: The Return”?

Balrog: That sounds like a movie! Say… wait… Neo… and movies… ARE YOU CALLING US MATRIX KNOCK-OFFS!?

Metabad: Ruh-roh, he caught us!

Serges: ENOUGH!! Island Attackers… I have waited for this day for so long… The day I finally crush you!

Rebel: Bring it on, Serges! You and your “New X-Hunters” are toast! Dark Knight, can you fight?

Dark Knight: *nursing wound* Yeah, just a scratch…

Rebel: Then let’s go! Island Attackers… TIME FOR AN X-HUNTER’S WHOOPING!!

Outlaw, Void, Majin, Shadowstrike, Metabad, Dark Knight, Sean: ALL RIGHT!!

Misery: *musing* This is no place for one such as the bearer of the Demon Crown. Let’s leave this to our “tank”.

*With a small chuckle, Misery casts a spell which causes Serges to levitate up into the air. Following suit, the two of them take off into the distance.*

Balrog: *sees them leaving* WHAAAAT!? MISERYYYY!! YOU DID IT AGAAAAIN!!

Sean: Does she ditch you a lot or something?

Balrog: Huh? Yeah, pretty much.

Outlaw: Aw, poor guy. Don’t worry though, I’m sure you’ll get your fair share one day.

Balrog: You’re right! All I need to do is work hard and do what I am supposed to and surely I will prove to be better than that girl!

Rebel: …

Balrog: …

Majin: …So, uh… what now?

Balrog: Hmm…

Dark Knight: I thought we were gonna fight.

Sean: You have a one-track mind.

Dark Knight: It could be–

Sean: *covers DK’s mouth* Don’t you dare finish that sentence.

Metabad: –Worse?

Sean: *gets shocked along with DK* YARGH!!

Shadowstrike: But no, seriously: What’re we gonna do now?

Balrog: Well, I guess I’ll just leave it up to you guys. Do you wanna fight me or not?

Void: Sure, why not?

Rebel: Yeah, after all, I did just yell my “TIME FOR AN X-HUNTER’S WHOOPING” battle cry. Are you guys gonna let that go to waste!?

Dark Knight: Nuh-uh!

Balrog: Okie-dokie then. Let’s do this!

*Balrog leaps into the air and starts dropping random projectiles below him. The moment they touch the ground they explode.*

Shadowstrike: *dodges one* Whoa! This guy has some power behind him! *dodges another*

Rebel: *teleporting nonstop* Gargh! Take this you little suitcase-looking freak! *throws a couple of Magnet Mines at Balrog*

Balrog: *sees the mines coming* Is that all ya got? *fires a pair of missiles at the mines, blowing them up*

Rebel: Rats! *gets hit by a projectile* Gah!!

Outlaw: Rebel! *shields him from more fire* Urgh!

Sean: *hiding under his shell* There’s no way for us to counter attack with all of these projectiles in the way!

Dark Knight: Pfft, try me! *fires streams of bubbles everywhere, destroying the projectiles before they make contact*

Balrog: *fires another missile at DK*

Dark Knight: I don’t think so!

*Dark Knight uses all of his strength to fire a large bubble at the incoming missile. The two of them make contact, resulting in the explosion to not connect.*

Dark Knight: All right! What’re you gonna do now, huh!?

Balrog: Well… I guess… I’m gonna… *smacks DK*

Dark Knight: Ow! Hey!

Metabad: BRAAAAAAAAAWL!! *runs up to Balrog and punches him in the face*

Balrog: RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGE!! *takes off into the sky and plows into Metabad and Dark Knight*

Dark Knight: AAAAHHHHHHHHH!!

Metabad: WHEEEEEEEEEE!!

Void: Looks like this is all on me. *takes off into the air* To beat a flyer, just use a flyer!

Balrog: Hey, hey, hey! *drops Metabad and Dark Knight* You wanna try me!?

Void: Yeah! *fires a Silk Shot*

Balrog: *gets hit and is trapped in the silk* Whaa…

Void: *to Majin* Grab him with your chain! Quickly!

Majin: R-right! Strike Chain! *throws a chain toward Balrog but misses*

Void: MAJIN!!

Majin: I… I’m trying! *throws it again but misses* Damn it!

Balrog: Huh? Having some trouble?

Majin: …I need a beer.

Balrog: …Beer is bad for you.

Majin: Yes… I know.

Balrog: So why drink it?

Majin: Uh…

Balrog: *hits Majin with a missile*

Majin: AAAAGH!!

Shadowstrike: MAJIN!!

Majin: *goes flying through the exit door*

Balrog: Whoops. Hopefully he’ll be back. *to everyone else* Who’s up next!?

Outlaw: Me! *jumps into the air and spins rapidly towards Balrog*

Balrog: Whoa. That’s pretty cool. *stands still and watches*

Outlaw: *getting closer*

Balrog: *watches*

Outlaw: *getting closer*

Balrog: *watches*

Outlaw: *getting closer*

Balrog: *watches*

Outlaw: *gets right in front of Balrog before collapsing* I’m… I’m dizzy… *throws up all over Balrog*

Balrog: EW!! EWEWEWEWEW!! *tries to wipe the throw up off*

Shadowstrike: Now is our chance! Sonic Breaker!

*Using his incredible speed, Shadow charges toward Balrog. He runs so fast he breaks even the sound barrier and rams into the hapless creature, plowing right through him.*

Rebel: My turn. Time for a “Mirage Breaker” combo!

*The result in Shadow’s speed created a vaccuum which Rebel teleports into to boost his own speed. With his beam saber drawn, he runs up to Balrog and slashes him and teleports to another point again, repeating the process. The rate this was happening was so fast it almost seemed like several Rebel’s were attacking simulataneously. During this Shadow was also running past, continually tossing Sonic Slicers.*

Balrog: Oof, ow, ouch! MOMMY!!

Rebel: Give up yet!? *slashes Balrog once more*

Balrog: NEVER!! *releases several projectiles in Shadow and Rebel’s paths*

Rebel and Shadowstrike: SHIT!! *gets bombarded*

Void: No!!

Outlaw: *getting back up* They won’t survive that onslaught!

Sean: *still hiding under his shell*

Outlaw: Time to be brave! *grabs Sean*

Sean: Hey, what’re you doing!?

Outlaw: *throws Sean at Balrog*

Sean: CUUUUUURRRSE YOOOOOUUUUUU!!

Balrog: *gets hit in the face and is knocked out*

Dark Knight: Well, that sure was convenient.

Metabad: And it was totally rawkin’! *rawks*

Rebel: *covered in wounds* Good job, team. We got him!

Everyone else: YEAH!!

Serges: Blast!

*As the team was celebrating, Serges came back with Misery in tow. They land next to Balrog.*

Misery: What a sad and pitiful person you are, Balrog. Getting defeated by such weaklings.

Rebel: *gets in Misery’s face* HEY!! SAY THAT TO MY FACE!!

Balrog: *wakes up and gets in Misery’s face* YEAH SAY THAT TO MY FACE!!

Misery: *uses her magic to blow them both back*

Rebel and Balrog: Aaaagh!

*The two go flying off the ship. Thanks to Rebel’s jet pack, however, he was brought safely back. Balrog, on the other hand…*

Balrog: YOU’LL PAY FOR THIS MISERYYYYYYyyyyy….

Sean: Did you just kill off one of your own members!?

Misery: He’ll be fine. If that killed him then I would have had a new partner years ago.

Metabad: YOU’RE NOT A NICE LADY!! *gets smacked by Misery’s wand* OW!! NOW YOU’RE JUST A BIG, FAT, MEAN LADY!! *gets smacked again* OW!! AND YOU HAVE A STICK!! *gets smacked again* OW!!

Serges: I have had enough of this! Balrog managed to weaken all of you… so finish them off, Misery! Waste no time!

???: WAIT!!

Everyone else: Huh!?

Agile: *climbing up onto the deck* Wait… just… A MINUTE!!

Violen: *being dragged by Agile* I’M SCARED OF HEIGHTS AGILE!!

Agile: SHUT UP!! *throws Violen up onto the deck*

Shadowstrike: It’s the Old X-Hunters!

Agile: H-huh!? WHO’RE YOU CALLING OLD!?

Serges: You two!?

Violen: SERGES!! DON’T LEAVE US!!

Serges: Fools… I was going to spare your lives until I destroyed the Island Attackers… but this is perfect! Now I can destroy ALL of you together!

Agile and Violen: NOOOOOOOOOO!!

Serges: Misery! Finish them!

Misery: As you wish, master. *readies a spell*

Dark Knight: So… does anyone have any bright ideas?

Void: Most of us have taken a beating from the last fight…

Outlaw: I think Sean can still fight though–

Sean: *hiding under his shell again*

Rebel: Fuckin’ pansy.

Misery: It’s time to die!

Majin: *bursts through the door*

Misery: *stops* Who!?

Serges: Him!?

Rebel, Outlaw, Void, Shadowstrike, Metabad, Dark Knight, Sean, Agile, Violen: Majin!?

Majin: beeeeeeeeeeep *drops a bottle of beer*

Void: *covering his eyes* Oh god, he’s drunk.

Misery: I can’t remember… is this a friend of yours or something?

Rebel: No. No relation. We do not know this person at all. At all.

Majin: HAI GUIZ!! *runs up and hugs Rebel* i wuv all ov u THIIIIIIIIIIIIIIS MUUUUUUUUUUUUCH!! *squeezes Rebel*

Rebel: Stop…

Majin: *squeezes harder*

Rebel: Stop.

Majin: *squeezes harder*

Rebel: Stop!

Majin: *squeezes harder*

Rebel: I SAID FUCKING STOP ALREADY!!

Majin: *drops Rebel and looks at Misery* u funy lady?

Misery: …I’m going to kill you.

Majin: YAYZ!! *pulls out chains*

Balrog: Huzzah! *flies back onto the ship* Misery! You better explain to me why you just knocked me off this ship!

Misery: Oh, good, perfect timing, Balrog. Take care of this drunk for me. *steps aside*

Balrog: Huh?

Majin: *swinging his chains around* weeeeeee

Balrog: …You’ve been drinking, haven’t you?

Majin: yeppy yep yeppers

Balrog: Despite the fact it is bad for you…

Majin: lol

Balrog: DON’T YOU FEEL ASHAMED OF YOURSELF!?

Majin: hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Balrog: *fires a missile*

Majin: *slips right around it* woot woot

Balrog: Woot woot!? I’ll show you! *attempts to smack Majin around*

Majin: *takes the blows but shrugs them off*

Balrog: What? *gets tripped and falls flat on his face* Oof!

Misery: Balrog! He’s drunk! You can’t beat him!?

Balrog: I… I can! He just got me there.

Serges: …

Balrog: Take this! *fires several projectiles*

Agile: WATCH OUT!!

Majin: this looks fantastic xd *weaves back and forth between the projectiles*

Balrog: What in the–*gets punched in the face*–OW!!

Dark Knight: Dude, he’s kicking his ass!

Metabad: GO GO GO!!

Balrog: Okay, okay… but what about this!? *jumps into the air and flies around* I bet you can’t catch me up here, can you!?

Majin: *inhales*

Balrog: !?

Majin: *exhales* SPOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!!

*Majin releases two Strike Chains that go upward. The two start zigzagging in different directions before the ends finally met, locking together. What they had created was a cage, with Balrog inside of it.*

Balrog: A… a cage? DID I GO TO JAIL OR SOMETHING!? *grabs the chains and tries to break free*

Majin: electric wire-thingy-wingy! *gets hit by a bolt of lightning and charges his chains with electricity*

Balrog: *getting electrocouted* ZAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRGH!!

Serges and Misery: No way!

Outlaw: He got ‘im!

Balrog: HAAAAAAAAAALP!!

Majin: *stops the attack and retracts his chains*

Balrog: *crashes to the ground, charred and burnt*

Sean: *taking a peek out from under his shell* Did I miss anything?

Rebel: …

Void: …

Dark Knight: …

Metabad: …

Shadowstrike: …

Outlaw: …

Majin: …

Violen: …

Agile: …

Misery: …

Serges: …GOD DAMN IT!!

Rebel: *smugly* So what now, huh, X-Hunters?

Agile: Hey, don’t attack us, now!

Rebel: Not you, the other X-Hunters!

Violen: Other X-Hunters!? There’s another me!? I’M NOT ORIGINAL ANYMOOOOOOORE!!

Sean: Why must this all be confusing?

Dark Knight: Could be worse.

Sean: *shocked* Damn it.

Serges: Whatever! Misery, it’s time to put your skills to the test.

Misery: But of course. *prepares a spell*

Dark Knight: …Hold on a second!

Misery: ???

*Dark Knight uses his Bubble Splash on Majin, who immediately absorbs and then sprays a path of water onto the floor, connecting him to Misery and Serges.*

Misery: What in the world…?

Dark Knight: Hah! Got you! Now, if you make one wrong move, I’ll have Majin electrify himself… and you guys, too!

Serges and Misery: !!

Void: Good thinking, DK. Water conducts electricty, after all.

Dark Knight: This was a move that me and Maj came up with the other day… still don’t have a name for it, though.

Majin: ELECTRIC BBQ!!

Dark Knight: …Eh, why not.

Void: So how about it, Misery? Feeling lucky?

Misery: …Very well. You win this time, Island Attackers.

Serges: What? They… they… win? THEY WIN!? NO!!

Misery: Relax, master. We are merely retreating. Next time, we will surely defeat them.

Serges: Grr… Fine! Get Balrog and let’s go.

Misery: *casts a spell to raise Balrog and they start to leave*

Agile: Wait! Serges!

Violen: Don’t go!

Serges: Quit following me! I thought I told you that we were through?

Agile: But…

Serges: The New X-Hunters are the future! First, we’ll defeat the Island Attackers… and next… we’ll take over the world!

Rebel: *to the audience* You heard it here first, folks.

Bison: OF COURSE!!

Rebel: …Get out.

Bison: Fuck you. *leaves*

Outlaw: They’re getting away!

Agile: SERGES!!

*Agile chases after Serges who was moving rapidly away from the ship. In a moment of desperation the Reploid takes a leap off the side of the ship in an effort to catch his former ally but ends up plummeting.*

Agile: AAHHHH!!

Violen: Agile!

Rebel: DUMBASS!!

*Wasting no time, Rebel teleports next to the ledge and grabs Agile by the hand, letting him merely dangle off the side of the ship.*

Agile: LEMME GO I NEED TO GET SERGES!!

Rebel: You are going to get yourself killed!

Agile: WHAT DO YOU KNOW!?

Rebel: More than you, obviously. *to everyone else* Guys, help me pull him up!

*The rest of the members including Violen help Rebel yank Agile back up.*

Sean: *peering out into the distance* It looks like they’re long-gone.

Agile: Damn it!

Void: It seems like we just can’t get a break around here. Even with Anti gone, Yuber is still out there causing trouble and now we have these “New X-Hunters” to deal with…

Violen: *sniff* It’s scary.

Shadowstrike: So what now?

Rebel: Well, we’re going to probably deal with them again. Serges wants us all dead. *to Agile* You guys can crash here for a while, if you’d like.

Everyone else: What?

Sean: You sure that’s okay?

Rebel: Look, right now they aren’t our enemies. If anything we need all the help we can get… just like last time*.

*See Series 3, Epilogue #37 “Dance of the Abyss (part1)”

Violen: So, wait… WE CAN ACTUALLY GET A ROOF OVER OUR HEADS!?

Majin: tats what da good man said sir huhuhuh

Violen: ISN’T THIS GREAT AGILE!?

Agile: No.

Violen: Huh?

Agile: This isn’t right! We aren’t supposed to be allies! We are supposed to be ENEMIES!!

Rebel: I just said we weren’t enemies right now–

Agile: No, no, NO!! I don’t know if YOU understand or not, but we are the X-HUNTERS!! And this whole thing with Serges? IT’S AN X-HUNTER PROBLEM!! We don’t need OUR ENEMIES solving one of OUR PROBLEMS!!

Violen: But Agile… Serges is scary now…

Agile: *smacks Violen around* Wake up, dumby! We can do this by ourselves! We can do this just fine! JUST FINE!!

Metabad: Dude, you ain’t rawkin’ right now.

Agile: Like I care! Serges left because of our own mistakes! So we’re gonna make it up to him! We just need to find him… AND WE’LL DO THAT ON OUR OWN!!

Void: You aren’t thinking, Agile. Let’s just work together…

Rebel: SCREW THAT!!

Void: Huh?

Rebel: You wanna be a big man, huh? Then fine! GO OUT THERE AND GET YOUR ASSES KICKED!! SEE IF WE CARE!!

Shadowstrike: Whoa…

Sean: This is getting a little heated… *takes a step back*

Agile: WE DON’T NEED YOU!!

Rebel: YEAH WELL WE DON’T WANT YOU!! GET THE FUCK OUT!!

Agile: FINE!!

Rebel: FINE!!

Agile: FINE!!

Rebel: FINE!!

Agile: LET’S GO VIOLEN!! *storms off*

Violen: O-Okay! *follows*

Outlaw: Should we let them off?

Rebel: Yeah right! THEY CAN JUMP OFF FOR ALL I CARE!!

Agile: THEN WE WILL!! *jumps off the ship, taking Violen with him*

Violen: WAAAAAAAHHHHHHhhhhh…

*There is a moment of silence between the eight members of the CIA as they let everything that had just happen sink in. Finally, someone speaks…*

Void: …Rebel, you are an idiot.

Rebel: Shut up.

Metabad: Yeah, shut your face! Oooooh, I burned ya~… *waddles off*

Dark Knight: *pondering* I think our leader needs to take some deep breaths and try to relax.

Rebel: Relax!? How can I relax!? That bastard pissed me off!

Outlaw: Maybe Maj dude can help ya, boss bug.

Majin: *looking insanely drunk*

Rebel: Pfft, how can Majin help make me relax?

Majin: i eat poopoo?

Rebel: …

Majin: …

Rebel: … *raises eyebrow*

Majin: :]

The End

Metavania

October 18, 2014

*By Rebel4000*

*It was a regular day on the Whale King.*

Rebel: THAT’S IT!! YOU PEONS HAVE DRANK MY COKE FOR THE LAST TIME!!

Metabad: YEAH FOR THE LAST TIME!!

Dark Knight: But I–*gets a boot to the head*

Rebel: SILENCE!!

Metabad: YEAH SILENCE!!

Outlaw: We didn’t–*gets a boot the head*

Rebel: ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!! I’M SICK OF THIS NONSENSE!!

Metabad: YEAH SICK OF THIS NONSENSE!!

Shadowstrike: *wearing bucket* Hah, you can’t hit me with that boot–*gets a boot to the BALLS*–Urrrgh… *passes out*

Void: *flies in* Rebel! What are you–*gets a boot to the head*

Rebel: QUIET!!

Metabad: YEAH QUIET!!

Majin: *flopping around in the background* DURF

Rebel: *ignoring Majin* …So who’s left?

Metabad: Yeah who’s left–*gets smacked*–Sean.

Rebel: Could be worse!

*In the distance the duo hears an audible “zap” followed by a “curse you”*

Metabad: We rawk!! *rawks*

Rebel: Hellz yeah! *rawks*

Everyone else: *on the ground* Ugh…

*Later that day, Rebel and Metabad are lounging in the living room, cans of coke in hand*

Rebel: Y’know, it just don’t get no better than this.

Metabad: Jah.

Rebel: In fact, the only thing that would be better were if a giant meteor were to suddenly strike the Earth! Suddenly, no more Reploids!

Metabad: …

Rebel: …

Metabad: …

Rebel: …

Majin: …

Rebel: …Aw damn it.

*A giant meteor strikes the Earth, creating a giant tidal wave to form and crash into the Whale King, knocking it into the water!*

Outlaw, Void, Shadowstrike, Dark Knight, Sean: REBEL!!

Rebel: IT WASN’T ME DAMN IT!!

Metabad and Majin: YIPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!

*Shortly after the Whale King emerges from the watery depths below, still in one piece.*

Void: *with a clipboard* All righty, status report.

Sean: Lost one of the engines.

Void: *throws the board down* God damn it, we’ve already had an epilogue with us having engine failure! We don’t need another!

Outlaw: *dabbling feet in the water* Hey, we didn’t crash though. We’re just stuck in the water.

Void: And we’ve already had an epilogue with us stranded in the middle of the ocean!

Dark Knight: Methinks we need a better writer for these epilogues…

*Everyone turns to Rebel, who is hunched over writing this very epilogue*

Rebel: What!?

Shadowstrike: Can we do anything else other than complain?

Everyone else: NO!!

Shadowstrike: …:'(

Void: Anyway… *picks the clipboard back up* Everyone who isn’t here, say here.

*No one answers.*

Void: Good. Now let’s start repairing this sucker and get a move on.

Majin: deeeh meetas ain’t here!

Void: *breaks the clipboard* Darn it all, now we have to go find him!

Rebel: Whaddya mean, “darn it all”!? Metabad is a highly valued and highly respected member of this team!

Shadowstrike: He breaks stuff.

Rebel: You break stuff.

Sean: Also all he does is say annoying stuff.

Rebel: You say annoying stuff.

Void: PBX was annoying too, and you hated him. Why do you like Metabad so much?

Rebel: You like Metabad so much.

Void: Don’t shove words in my mouth!

Rebel: You shove words in your mouth.

Outlaw: Aw, c’mon guys, let’s be civil, ‘kay? We can’t leave one of our pals behind.

Dark Knight: Yeah, after all, who am I gonna beat up? Or help me gang up on Sean?

Sean: Hmm… maybe we really shouldn’t look for him…

Rebel: NO WE FIND HIM NOW!! *kicks Sean off the ship*

Sean: AAAAHHHHHHH!! *sinks into the water*

Void: DAMN IT WE DID THIS BEFORE TOO!!

*As the team starts searching for the missing Metabad… well, let’s just take a look as to where he is, shall we?*

Metabad: Whoooooooooooooo… I’m feelin’ kinda funny! Not rawkin. *spits a fish out mouth* Hey that rawks! *rawks but stops* But no one is here to rawk with me… BOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

Ghost: BOOOOOOOO!!

Metabad: AHHHHH A GHOST!! *swipes at it only for his hand to pass through* GO AWAY MR. BOOSTER I DON’T GOT NO MONEY!!

Ghost: *stops and blinks* Are you stupid or something, kid?

Metabad: Hey I’m not stupid! I was given a trophy for diligence, ya know!

Ghost: Riiiight… Anyway, I take it you’re here to stop Dracula?

Metabad: Le-huh?

Ghost: Le-huh? LE-HUH!? C’mon kid, you’re at freakin’ Castlevania for crying outloud! And Dracula was just revived for God knows how many times now… this has to be like, what, ressurection #325?

Metabad: Sounds like a cool dude I know named Siggy! He keeps on dying and dying and no matter what he just keeps on coming back and is weirder and weirder and he has some pal named Zero and he dies a lot too and I dunno I think they may be related or something I mean I hear they shared the same virus speaking of which I once caught a cold and gave it everyone I knew and we all got sick hey maybe I’m related to all of those people now but that means that everyone rawks and that can’t be because only me and Rebel rawk ’cause we’re the one and only Super Awesome Fighting Force–

Ghost: SHUT THE FUCK UP!!

Metabad: BUT I WAS ONTO SOMETHING THERE!!

Ghost: No, seriously, no one cares about your freaking theories.

Metabad: I WAS TRYING TO RAAAAAAAAAAWK!!

Ghost: Uh-huh. Anyway, go beat Dracula already!

Metabad: Why?

Ghost: Because it’s your duty! Aren’t you the next Belmont?

Metabad: I’m Metabad!

Ghost: Yeah, you’re bad all right. Really fucking bad.

Metabad: Mr. Booster, I don’t think I like you very much!

Ghost: Join the crowd. Anyway, if you aren’t a Belmont then what are you doing here?

Metabad: Noooooooo, it’s my turn to ask a question! What are YOU doing here? Huh huh huh!?

Ghost: *sighs*

Metabad: Yeah, you can’t beat that, can you Mr. Booster? It’s ’cause I rawk! *rawks*

Ghost:: STOP IT WITH THE RAWKING OF THE RAWKNESSNESS…NESS.

Metabad: Awww.

Ghost: Look, I dunno what happened to the Belmonts, but you are gonna have to do. If you don’t stop Dracula, he’ll take over the world!

Metabad: Lotsa people seem to like doing that lately. Maybe we should take over the world too!

Ghost: And I’ll be sure to stab you in the back.

Metabad: IT’S A PROMISE!!

Ghost: Look kid, it goes like this… every hundred years or so Dracula is revived. Then some shmuck from the Belmont lineage comes in and kicks his ass. Then a hundred years later he revives, another Belmont defeats him, and so and so forth. It’s a never ending cycle.

Metabad: Hmm… sounds easy to me!

Ghost: But you need a whip. *hands him one* Not the exact one the Belmonts use, but meh, it’ll do.

Metabad: Rawksome! *starts whipping it about* Whip it, huh! Whip it good!

Ghost: Hey dumbass, be careful where you whip that thing–*gets whipped*–FUCK!! *dies*

Metabad: Whoa. I totally defied logic with that… I RAWK!! *rawks*

*And thus Metabad enters the castle only known as… Castlevania. Seriously, who comes up with these names? Oh well.*

Metabad: It’s dark and angsty and dank and angsty and cold and angsty angsty angsty.

Death: *appears out of nowhere* Damn straight.

Metabad: WAAAAAAH IT’S EMO!!

Death: That’s Death, damn it!

Metabad: Death? How emooooooo.

Death: You’re even more annoying than the last stereotypical hero wielding a whip was!

Metabad: Hey I’m not annoying! I’m also awesome and kick lots of booty!

Death: I can’t even respond to that retarded statement.

Metabad: YEAH THAT’S WHAT I THOUGHT!!

Death: Whatever… are you the next Belmont to try and stop my master?

Metabad: Whoa, master? MASTER!? Masssssster.

Death: …

Metabad: *more incoherent gibberish*

Death: *whacks Metabad upside the head*

Metabad: OUCHIES! *rubs head* That wasn’t very nice, Mr. Emo!

Death: That’s DEATH, damn it! You know, the Grim Reaper? I kill people for a living!

Metabad: Do you also cut yourself on your spare time?

Death: Why do you think I carry this giant scythe around–NO!!!!

Metabad: I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW IT!!! *points and laughs*

Death: ENOUGH!! I’ve got supper. I HAVE TO GO!! *leaves*

Metabad: That must be a big dinner!

*Metabad, having no idea what he was doing, let alone where he was going, starts to explore the castle. Elsewhere…*

Dark Knight: *staples a flier to a tree* Think this’ll work?

Sean: If it doesn’t work then I’ll eat my hat.

Dark Knight: But you haven’t got a hat.

Sean: Could be worse. *shocks self*

Dark Knight: Did… did you just shock yourself?

Sean: I did. It’s starting to actually feel kinda good…

Dark Knight: …Freak.

Void: *flies in* Got those fliers out yet?

Sean: Yep, that was the last one.

Void: Good, me and Outlaw just finished our own batch.

Outlaw: Hey guys…

Void: Yes Outlaw?

Outlaw: I don’t mind putting up fliers to search for Meta dude, but why do they all say “WANTED: Dead or Alive”?

Sean: Er, well that’s because…

Dark Knight: Yeah, and speaking of which, why does it then say in parenthesis, “(Preferably dead)”?

Void: Now that you mention it, I never put that in there…

Shadowstrike: *comes running with Rebel and Majin in tow* Hey guys, we’ve got a mob of angry people chasing us.

Outlaw: Why’s that?

Rebel: They said they don’t like those stupid fliers! Speaking of which, who here would make such an awful joke to kill Metabad!?

*Everyone stares at Sean*

Sean: I WAS JUST SPRUCING IT UP A BIT, OKAY!?

Majin: dun dun dunnnnnnn

*Back with Metabad*

Metabad: *swinging around with the whip* WHEEEEEEEEE!! I’M INDIANA METABAD!! *slips and flies into a skeleton, killing it*

Monsters: He killed one of our undead brethren! GET HIM!!

Metabad: W00T!! *bolts down the hallway*

Zombie: GRAGH!! *gets trampled by the stampeding Metabad*

Metabad: Hay, wait, I’ve got powerz. I can just climb the walls!

*Using his “powerz”, Metabad starts jumping from wall to wall, barreling into bats, witches, demons, and all other sorts of flying creatures as he climbs upward. As he reaches the top, however, a fireball comes out of nowhere and hits him, causing him to land on some nearby steps.*

Metabad: Owwie…

Gaibon: LMAO WAT A N00B!!1

Metabad: WHAT DID YOU SAY!?

Slogra: You must forgive my friend Gaibon here. He is not well in the head.

Gaibon: STFU SLOGRA U FUK LOL!!!11one1

Metabad: LOL!!

Slogra: *smacks self* Please do not copy his vulgar behavior, I beg of you.

Metabad: So liek, what’s up with you d00dz?

Gaibon: nm jc u?

Metabad: I’m on a magical quest to defeat Dracula using this whip! *flings it around*

Slogra: Gracious, please be careful with that thing! You could hurt us with that, you know.

Metabad: Sowwy. Why is it that you baddies are so weak to a leather whip?

Slogra: Hmm… not certain why. I guess you could say we are just pussies.

Gaibon: LOL PUSSIES MOAR LIEK UR MUMS FTW!!11one111

Slogra: Gaibon! Do not disrespect my mother like that again!

Gaibon: FOOSE U ASSHAT I PWN J00!!1one1eleven11

Slogra: Enough is enough! *pulls out spear and stabs Gaibon with it*

Gaibon: OMGWTFBBQ THAT HURT U L4M3R!! *sets Slogra on fire*

Slogra: ARRRGH!!

*The two monsters continue to beat the crap out of each other until they both die.*

Metabad: *too busy rawking to even notice*

*Back with the rest of the CIA*

Sean: Guys, I found Metabad!

Rebel: Really!?

Sean: Yep, here he is.

*Sean brings in an old, sweaty hillbilly with a pair of antlers attached to his head.*

Hillbilly: I’m Flame Stag. Ayup.

Void: Uh… Sean…

Outlaw: *sniffs the hillbilly* Hm… good year…

Rebel: …

Sean: What? I found him!

Shadowstrike: Yeah, you found a real obvious fake.

Sean: What do you know?

Dark Knight: Enough to see through your lame attempts to get rid of Metabad!

Majin: *enters the room and sees the hillbilly* …u guyz dont want majjy no more?? *tears up and runs off*

Void: Majin, don’t run away! *chases after*

Sean: In the end all that matters is Rebel’s opinion. What do you say, Rebel?

Rebel: I’ve only got one question for you, Flame Stag… IF THAT IS YOUR REAL NAME!!

Shadowstrike: Rebel?

Rebel: Do you know how to rawk?

Hillbilly: I’m Flame Stag. Ayup.

Rebel: Eh, works for me. *rawks*

Shadowstrike and Dark Knight: *smacks self*

Sean: *scratches head* Ehehehehe…

*Back to the real action*

Metabad: *walking around* Maaaaaaaaaaaaan, this place is BORING!! Where’re all the cool bosses that I can beat up and rawk to and stuffs?

Medusa: *breaks out from the ground* SURPRISE BITCHES!!

Metabad: oshi–

Medusa: *sends out legions of Medusa Heads at Metabad*

Metabad: All right, it’s time to rawk. *puts on a pair of shades and proceeds to dodge all of the incoming Medusa Heads*

Medusa: Bet you think you’re pretty bad, huh!?

Metabad: Well, I am Metabad.

Medusa: SCREW YOU!! I’LL TURN YOU TO STONE!!

Metabad: I’m gonna get stoned!? Rawksome!

Medusa: Not stoned, STONE!!

Metabad: Why turn me to stone? Getting stoned would be so much cooler!

Medusa: Huh?

Metabad: Like, you could totally make big bucks by getting people stoned and you could become infamous and be all like “Whooo I’m rich” C’MON THINK ABOUT THE POSSIBILITIES DUDE!!

Medusa: Hmm… no. *turns Metabad to stone*

Metabad: *is stone now*

Medusa: Annoying brat! *summons two Medusa Heads* Take him away!

Medusa Head #1: How?

Medusa: What do you mean, “How?”!? By moving him!

Medusa Head #2: Alas, we are but heads. We cannot comply with this command.

Medusa: WORTHLESS DOLTS!!

*Medusa destroys the two Medusa Heads and takes Metabad herself to the basement, where his stoned form is chained up, meant to stay for all eternity. Medusa then leaves. A few hours later, however…*

Metabad: *is free from the stone* RRRRRRRAAAAAAAAWK POWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!! *notices he is chained* Not rawkin.

*Try as he might, Metabad is incapable of breaking free.*

Metabad: Man, what I totally need right now is a useful plot device!

Slogra: Speak and your wish shall be granted!

Gaibon: LOL UR A FUGLY GENIE SLOGRA!!1

Metabad: Hay its the weird guys! Are you gonna help me get outta here?

Slogra: But of course.

Metabad: RAWKSOME!! …Say, why are you helping me anyway? I’m trying to kill your masssster.

Slogra: Well, it wouldn’t be very polite to leave you chained up in this dank place, now would it?

*The two monsters free Metabad from his prison. Afterwards the three have a “heartfelt” conversation.*

Metabad: Oh yeah, didn’t you guys like kill each other earlier?

Gaibon: LMFAO U NUB WE CANT DIE WTF!!!1one1

Metabad: COOL!! So does that mean that I can’t die either?

Slogra: No, you still die.

Metabad: Boooo.

*At this moment a skeleton guard enters the prison and notices Metabad is free.*

Skeleton: What the–!? THE PRISONER WITH THE WHIP IS FREE OH GOD HE’S FREE!! *runs off*

Slogra: Well… that complicates things.

Medusa: *bursts in through the wall* WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE!? *notices Metabad, Slogra, and Gaibon* You… AND YOU!! And you, too!

Gaibon: OMG UR SUCH A ST00PID L0Z3R U JUST FIGURED IT OUT LOL!!11

Medusa: I’LL KILL YOU!! *charges*

Slogra: *pushes Metabad out of the room* Go! We’ll handle this!

Metabad: OKAY!! *takes off at full speed*

Slogra: H-hey! You were supposed to stop me–*gets tackled*

Gaibon: SLOGRA SUX DIX!!1one1eleven *gets pulverised by several Medusa Heads*

*During this whole mess, the rest of the CIA was trying to readjust now that “Metabad” was found.*

Dark Knight: So, uh… Flame Stag… wanna gang up on Sean with me?

Hillbilly: I’m Flame Stag. Ayup.

Dark Knight: …

Outlaw: Y’know, it just doesn’t feel the same.

Void: What in the world gave that away? The fact we’ve got some hillbilly wearing antlers in our ship, the real Metabad is still missing, or Majin has locked himself up in his room and refuses to come out?

Majin: *in his room* WAAAAAAAAAAAH NOBODY LOVES MAJJY NO MORESSSSS!!

Outlaw: It’s probably a combination of those three… maybe.

Shadowstrike: Juuust maybe.

Rebel: *drinking a coke* Hey, don’t forget the fact that Metabad suddenly isn’t rawking anymore!

Void: Rebel, this guy ISN’T METABAD!

Rebel: Then why does he call himself Flame Stag all the time? Huh!? ANSWER THAT!!

Hillbilly: I’m Flame Stag. Ayup.

Void: *sighs*

Sean: *enters whistling a tune* Hey all!

Everyone else: …

Sean: What’s with the silent treatment?

Dark Knight: *dismissive* Nothing.

Sean: You’re not going to shock me?

Dark Knight: You seem fine doing it to yourself.

Sean: Ouch, you wound me. Oh well. *to “Metabad”* How’s it going old pal?

Hillbilly: I’m Flame Stag. Ayup.

Sean: Glad to hear it! *pats “Metabad” on the back* At least you don’t say words that don’t need to be spoken anymore!

Rebel: Wait, Sean getting along with Metabad… *drops soda*

Shadowstrike: *gasps* You dropped your soda!

Rebel: Shadowstrike, get the mop, and everyone, I’VE JUST COME TO A STARTLING CONCLUSION!!

Void: Which is…?

Rebel: *points at the hillbilly* THAT GUY IS AN IMPOSTER!!

Outlaw, Void, Shadowstrike, Dark Knight: *face palms*

Sean: Aw crud.

*Back in Castlevania, Metabad was rapidly reaching the top of the castle, to where Dracula was located. In fact he wasn’t very far away…*

Metabad: *looking at a map* According to this map, I’m not very far away! All I need to do is go through this suspiciously large room which is in no way going to start a boss battle and then climb the mandatory long flight of stairs to reach Dracula’s room! Rawksome! *rawks*

*Thus Metabad continues his trek to Dracula, going through the large room.*

Metabad: La la la la~! *skipping* No way is some big bad boss gonna stop me!

Death: *hits Metabad with his scythe*

Metabad: OW!! *has the scythe stuck in chest* Why is there a giant knife sticking out of my chest? OH GOD!! MAYBE I’M MADE OF KNIVES!? AHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Death: Don’t be stupid, stupid. That’s my scythe. *rips it out*

Metabad: Oh. Whew, I was scared for a moment!

Death: Whatever. Anyway, I’m surprised you made it this far, but your luck as run out.

Metabad: It has? But what about those lottery tickets I bought? Was it all for naught? Hey that rhymed! *rawks*

Death: STOP IT!! Please, just stop… rawking… or whatever it is that you are doing. Can’t you just be serious for a moment?

Metabad: Noooooope. This world needs more rawkin, and I plan to supply it!

Death: The world does, eh? Then I’ll kill you so this world can rot!

Metabad: *gasps* You are an evil man, Emo!

Death: First off, I’m not a man, I’m a skeleton wearing a cloak, and second MY NAME ISN’T FUCKING EMO!!

Metabad: Do you poop cups?

Death: …Say what?

Metabad: Rebel once told me that all emo kids poop cups at Starbucks. I have no idea what he meant by that though!

Death: THAT’S IT!! I’m sick of this nonsense!

Metabad: YEAH SICK OF THIS NONSENSE!! Hey, wait a sec, you aren’t Rebel! YOU FAKER!!

Death: *summons several mini scythes and flings them at Metabad*

Metabad: WHOOOOP!! *dodges them all*

Death: DIE!! *swings scythe at Metabad*

Metabad: *jumps over Death*

Death: Stay still!

Metabad: Nuh-uh, you have to make me!

Death: Fine. *creates a chained barrier surrounding himself and Metabad*

Metabad: Oooh, cool.

Death: *flings scythe at Metabad*

Metabad: *dodges* Is that all you’ve got?

Death: *laughs* Not at all!

*As Metabad was focusing on Death, the scythe that the grim reaper threw bounced off the chains and was heading back at Metabad, his back turned. Was this the end of our beloved hero!?*

Metabad: *looks down* OH MY GOD A PENNY!! *bends down to pick it up*

Death: WHAT IN THE–*gets hit by the scythe instead*–GAAAAAAAAAGH!! *falls to the ground*

Metabad: *gets back up* Huh? What happened?

Death: Damn it, how could you beat me!? I HATE YOU!!

Metabad: I won? I WON!! FOR THE POWER OF RAWKNESS!! *rawks*

Death: DID YOU JUST HEAR ME!? I SAID I HATE YOU!! I HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE YOU!!

Metabad: Hating isn’t very nice, Emo!

Death: SHUT UP!! JUST SHUT UP!! IT’S DEATH DAMN YOU!! DEEEEEAAAAAAATH!!

Metabad: Quit whining, Emo! It’s getting annoying!

Death: STOP CALLING ME EMOOOO YOU JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND ME OR MY PAAAAAAAAIN!! *cuts self*

Metabad: Whatever you say, Emo! *leaves* Now for Dracula!

*Metabad takes off and climbs up the traditional stairway to Dracula’s room, finally reaching the door. Taking a deep breath he enters to find a coffin with it’s lid removed. Next to it stood a man drinking what appeared to be blood from a wine glass.*

Dracula: Hmph, so you are the one I’ve heard so much about…

Metabad: That’s me!

Dracula: Metabad Belmont…

Metabad: That’s not me!

Dracula: You dare deny it? Here you are, trying to foil my plans, wielding a whip at that! You are like the rest of the Belmonts, therefore that makes you a Belmont!

Metabad: Ooookaaaay…

Dracula: So what are you going to do now, Metabad? Try and stop me?

Metabad: YOU BET!! *flails the whip about*

Dracula: Hah! That whip is not even the true Vampire Killer! I will enjoy toying with you.

*Tossing his glass away, Dracula begins to teleport about, attacking Metabad with various fireballs as he does so. Although Metabad manages to land a couple hits with his whip, he finds that it is not enough and begins to tire.*

Metabad: *pants*

Dracula: *appears before Metabad* Hah! How utterly weak. Now is the time to finish you, once and for all!

Slogra: NOT SO FAST!! *stabs Dracula*

Dracula: Graagh!

Gaibon: LOL PWNT! *blasts Dracula with fire*

Dracula: Urrrgh!! *disappears*

Slogra: Are you okay, good sir?

Metabad: Hey it’s the nice monsters! I thought you guys were finished.

Slogra: Yeah, especially after the part where you ABANDONED US.

Metabad: Hey!

Gaibon: STFU GIES WE NEED TO GET SERBROUF!!

Metabad: What the heck does serbrouf mean!?

Slogra: Not now… Dracula! Have at you!

Dracula: *reappears* You traitors. I will kill you all permanently!

Slogra: Not this time! Because I’ve got this! *pulls out a lantern*

Dracula: *reels back from the light* You dare bring light into my lair? YOU MUST DIE!! *kills Slogra*

Gaibon: O.O

Dracula: *kills Gaibon too*

Metabad: NUUUUUUUUUUU!! How dare you kill my buddies! You’ll pay for that! *hits Dracula with his whip*

Dracula: OW!! No, not the whip and the light!! IT BUUUURNS!!

*With that Dracula collapses and starts to disappear. Que victory fanfare as Metabad begins to rawk in celebration. Before Dracula completely disappears, however, he does say one last thing…*

Dracula: I’ll be back. *dies*

Metabad: *stops rawking* What a way to kill the mood.

*Suddenly Castlevania starts shaking violently! With Dracula’s defeat, the entire complex begins to fall apart. Using his super speed and reflexes, Metabad manages to break out of the castle unharmed as he watches the building collapse into a pile of rubble. Que more victory fanfare and rawking.*

Metabad: *rawks sawks awff*

Void: Metabad!

Metabad: Whozzat?

*Metabad turns around sees the Whale King and the rest of the CIA in the distance! His mission now complete, Metabad goes home and relays his amazing tale to his friends.*

Metabad: And then he was all “STOP CALLING ME EMOOOO YOU JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND ME OR MY PAAAAAAAAIN!!” and proceeded to cut himself! It was so funny!

Rebel: HAH!! I knew that guy was always emo! That explains the scythe!

Outlaw: It sounds like you went on a wild ride, Meta dude! Kinda reminds me of the adventure that me and DK had!

Dark Knight: Except no one believes us.

Outlaw: i no rite?

Void: *shakes head* Well, at least your back safe and sound. We’ve been looking for you for a while with mixed results.

Majin: teh pplz treid 2 replace us!!

Metabad: Huh?

Void: Oh yeah, I believe SOMEONE has an apology to make.

Sean: *grumbles*

Shadowstrike: I was confused myself. Why were you trying to get rid of Metabad?

Sean: Because you kept messing with my curse! So I decided I’d show you all! THAT’S WHY!! ARE YOU HAPPY!?

Dark Knight: But weren’t you into shocking yourself now?

Sean: Are you kidding? That was a ploy! IT STILL HURTS!!

Metabad: Well it could always be worse!

Sean: *shocked* OW!!

Dark Knight: Too true… it could always, ALWAYS be much, MUCH worse!

Sean: *is hit by a bolt of lightning so hard he goes flying off the ship* NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

Rebel: …

Shadowstrike: …

Majin: …

Outlaw: …

Metabad: …

Void: …

Dark Knight: …Oops?

Void: NOT AGAIN!!

Metabad: Some things just never change. *pulls out his trusty whip* And for those things, you’ve just gotta rawk.

The End

 

Sewer Freaks

August 25, 2014

*Written by Outlaw88 and Dark Knight*

*Just a common morning at the Code: Island Attackers’ Whale King…*

Sean: A common morning?

Rebel and Metabad: *rawking*

Shadowstrike: Yep, a common morning.

*Anyways, at the kitchen…*

Outlaw: Put some sewage water!

Dark Knight: And don’t forget Edam cheese! Life is better with cheese!

Outlaw: This mutant rat seems tasty…*puts it in the pot* Aah, the guys will love this!

Dark Knight: Mmm… I think Nutella will work?

Outlaw: I dunno. But look at this! *puts a four-headed radioactive fish*

Dark Knight: Wow. The best about this is that the rest of them don’t know about…

Rebel: What the… ? Hey don’t put the cheese and Nutella there!!!! AND DON’T COOK OUTLAW!!!!

Outlaw: But…

Dark Knight: But…

*The Whale King lands. Outlaw and Dark Knight are thrown out of it.*

Dark Knight: Let me at him! Let me at him!!!!

Outlaw: Calm down, DK. It isn’t that bad. Perhaps we can go to have some sewer hunting!

Dark Knight: Freakin’ sweet!

*A moment later, at the sewer system of some random city…*

Outlaw: Aaah, the glorious smell! Do you feel it?

*They swim through the horribly dirty courses of rotten sewage water, until…*

Dark Knight: Am I supposed to be glowing like this?

Outlaw: You’ll be fine. Since we are both made for all kinds of water conditions you won’t feel any negative effects.

Dark Knight: Oh good…. Negative effects from what exactly? I’ve never sewer hunted before.

Outlaw: Truth be told no one has ever come with me ‘cept Void, and that was only to map the city system we were living by at the time, and he flew over the surface so that doesn’t really count.

Dark Knight: But what are…

Outlaw: Right right, so yeah everything and anything can be found here. I’ve earned some extra cash in reporting the serious stuff. Like toxic waste by human areas, overpopulation of mutant bugs, moldy pokemon cards, that sort of thing.

Dark Knight: Wow. So what are we looking for? I’m kinda hoping to find more mutant things! That fish you had was awesome!

*So the two C:IA members swim on for a while, taking in the strange sights and smells they encounter. Suddenly DK spots something…*

Dark Knight: Holy crap, look at the size of that mushroom!

Outlaw: Badger badger badger… *Shakes head* Whooo sorry. Too much Weebl for me.

*They go over to the giant mushroom*

Dark Knight: It’s all glowy and everything! Lets take it back and put it on a pizza.

Outlaw: Sounds good to me.

Giant Mushroom: I beg your pardon but I’d rather stay here.

*DK and Outlaw jaw drop*

Dark Knight: OMFGWTFBBQ!!!!!!!11111!!!!!!111oneoneone!!!1

Giant Mushroom: Pardon?

Dark Knight: You’re talking! o_0

Giant Mushroom: Well, of course.

Dark Knight: How many licks-

Giant Mushroom: Oh, please, not again! This is the hundredth time people ask me that today!

Outlaw: *still jaw dropped*

Dark Knight: Ohoho, I know! Grant me a wish. I want an Imperial Walker and a date with-

Giant Mushroom: And it’s the thousandth time they ask me for a wish. You little crab thing are pretty irritating. So I’ll eat your brain! *roars*

Dark Knight: Bwaaaaaaaaaaaah! *runs away, fear in his eyes*

Outlaw: *still jaw dropped*

Giant Mushroom: And the reptilian friend as well! *roars again*

Outlaw: Aaaaaaah! *runs away*

*A moment later, inside an oversized trashcan…*

Dark Knight: *eyes widened* Did that thing follow us?

Outlaw: *shaking head* I don’t know, I don’t know!

*The sound of multiple steps is heard*

Outlaw: Quiet! I heard something…

Dark Knight: !!!

Outlaw: I’ll take a look. *looks over the trashcan* Oh, holy hell, it’s that thing again!

Dark Knight: But why am I hearing so many steps?

Outlaw: Let’s see…

*Three voices are heard inside the oversized mushroom*

??? #1: Hehehehe. We managed to scare them!

??? #2: Yes!!! Let’s celebrate this as a victory for the… watch out, Violen, you dumbass!

*The enormous mushroom trips with a tuna can which managed to be there, and falls*

Serges: *crawling out* Oh, great! We spent our last zenny on buying this cheap costume, and look how it is now, Violen!

Agile: Bad boy, bad! *hits Violen with a leather belt*

Violen: *crying* I’m sorry, please, I won’t do it again!

*Inside the trashcan…*

Dark Knight: Who are those guys? They look kinda familiar… Some kind of retarded sewer monstrosities?

Outlaw: No, no. They’re the X-Hunters, not our worst, but surely most recurrent enemies.

Dark Knight: Oh, right… them.

Outlaw: *Thinking* Odd… I thought they were–

Dark Knight: How about jumping out of here and see them screaming like girls?

Outlaw: Sounds good to me.

*DK and Outlaw leap out of the trashcan and land directly in front of the X-Hunters*

X-Hunters: *scream like little girls*

Outlaw and Dark Knight: *burst out laughing*

Agile: How did you find us???

Serges: You guys can take a little prank, right?

Violen: *crying* But please don’t hurt us!

Dark Knight: That’s precisely what I was going to do! *cracks knuckles*

Outlaw: No, wait DK! *stops him* We’re not going to hurt you! It’s almost nice to see you again. But tell me, weren’t you dead?

Serges: It seemed so. However, some random entity called Randomness managed to randomly revive us. Right, Chewbacca?

Chewbacca: Roaarrr! (Translation: Yeah.)

Dark Knight: Is that the gorrilla you keep talking about?

Outlaw: No, but this is just as weird.

*Suddenly the sewer, Chewbacca, and the X-Hunters vanish leaving our heroes in total darkness*

Outlaw: What the hell? Where is everybody, and everything?

Dark Knight: EEEeeeEEEeeEeEEK!

???: Welcome! Why not stay and enjoy for a while? My toenail is like warm milk!

Dark Knight: Who is that?

???: It’s-a me! Randomness here to poke things!

*Suddenly the area fills with spoons*

Randomness: With spooooooooooooooooooooooons!!!!

Outlaw: *Up to his shoulders in spoons* What do you want with us?

Dark Knight: *Completly buried* And where are the X-Hunters? Were they even real?

Randomness: You here cuuuuz me likey you! Find your way through my world, my alternate dimension, my whole wheat bread. Great fortunes it be if a winner is you.

*Outlaw fishes DK out from under the spoons*

Randomness: As for those others.. Real they were but are lost…Lost lost lost. I lost my bib.

Dark Knight: I don’t like this. This clown from who-knows-where just wants to toy with us. Lets just get out of here.

Outlaw: No… Something tells me we need to take this challenge and rescue the X-Hunters.

Dark Knight: Why? You said they were our enemies! Why help them?

Outlaw: I can’t explain it really, I feel it’s the right thing to do. They might be useful when we finally confront Anti-Majin and his crew.

Dark Knight: I get it, they hate them more than us. The more firepower we have on our side the better!

Outlaw: Right!

Randomness: TACO! I make gate!

*A swirling vortex opens before the two*

Outlaw: You ready?

Dark Knight: Lets do this!

*They step through the gate*

Outlaw: Where the heck are we?

Dark Knight: Oh, I don’t know… I have never been here before…

Outlaw: But this is… the tower! Our tower!

Dark Knight: Pardon?

Outlaw: Our old base… before that bastard… before Anti-Majin took control of it. *clenches fist* And it seems Mr. Randomness will use it for his sick game…!

Dark Knight: *looking around* It was a pretty nice base. Did you have computers?

Outlaw: Yes, and…

Dark Knight: *dissapears*

Outlaw: Wait…! *follows him*

Dark Knight: Here it is! *points to a door*

Outlaw: How do you know?

Dark Knight: Easy, here’s a sign that reads: “Here’s the computer room. No, this isn’t a trap. You won’t hit a brick wall, face your worst nightmares or whatever. Yours truly, Randomness with no j. REMEMBER WITH NO J OR THE SPACE CLOWNS WILL EAT YOUR BRAIN!!! ARGH!” *the sign bursts into flames*

Outlaw: I have a bad feeling about this…

Dark Knight: *enters the room*

Outlaw: Great… he NEVER thinks before moving.

*Outlaws tries to enter the room, but hits… a brick wall.*

Outlaw: Oof! Didn’t Mr. Randomness say no brick walls?!

Phoenix Wright: OBJECTION! He’s lying and I can freakin’ prove it!

Outlaw: But Randomness…

Phoenix Wright: He says he wants randomness! *implodes*

Outlaw: I’ll just ignore that happened… let’s try again. DK, you in here? *opens the door*

Donkey Kong: Uh.

Outlaw: …

Donkey Kong: Ah.

Outlaw: *faints*

*When Outlaw wakes up…*

Dark Knight: *sitting in front of a computer* Hey! Look at this! I beat the highest score!

Outlaw: *scared* You can’t! That computer is just ham!

Dark Knight: What?? Chuck Norris, I blame you for this!

Outlaw: *horrified* You can’t!! That’s not Chuck Norris! That’s only bread! It’s a ham sandwich!!!!

Dark Knight: AAAAAAHHHHH!!!! *ear-piercing scream*

*Meanwhile, at a random place…*

Randomness: Oh, c’mon, they are losing! The aren’t beating the highest score! Me meaning, c’mon, me has beaten Tetris! Me beat Pacman! YES, THE HALF-EATEN PIZZA THING! MWAHAHAHA!!! Listen to my pizza-like beat of unquestionable doom!! *dances*

Agile: Holy cows, how can a beat be pizza-like, and even worse, of unquestionable doom?!

Serges: More importantly, how do we know he dances if we can’t see him!?

Violen: *crying* I want to go back home…

Randomness: *stops dancing* Lack of faith in the awesome power of Randomness! The ultimate orange hamster living in Serge’s mustache is angrrrrry!

X-Hunters: No, please, not again!

Narrator: *loses it* This isn’t any sense!

Randomness: Shaddup. *splats a pizza in his face*

*Back to Outlaw and DK*

Dark Knight: Ok I’ve had enough of this crazy place. We’ve seen floating brooms, crawling toasters and melting windows. I don’t think I can take much more of this.

Outlaw: No arguments there. We need to find where the X-Hunters are, and then all this should go away. Now let me think, where would they be?

Dark Knight: This place looks like your old tower right? Where would the toughest place be?

Outlaw: The toughest? That would be..TCoD*!

*See Series 1, Epilogue #11 “Training Bad”

Dark Knight: What?

Outlaw: I’ll explain on the way. C’mon!

*They race down the hall*

*Elsewhere*

Randomness: The peanuts are fighting my toenail!

Serges: *wearing a tutu* Have you noticed that everytime he talks things get weirder?

Agile: *In a bunny suit* Yeah… I noticed.

*Back to our heros*

Dark Knight: How can you be sure that that’s where Randomness is?

Outlaw: I’m not, but I have a feeling that its the right place. Only problem is that the TCoD is in the basement. We’re still a few floors up.

Dark Knight: Just to be sure I’m going to check out some of these doors.

*DK goes to a door that once led to Void’s lab. When it opens a train is seen going at full speed towards them*

Dark Knight: HOLY CRAP! *slams door*

Outlaw: You sure you want to keep that up?

Dark Knight: Umm…Let me try one more.

*DK goes to what was once Majin’s room and opens the door. A giant face pops out*

Face: ROOOOOOOOOOOOAR!!

Outlaw: Forget this. I’m going to get us down the quick way.

*Using his blades Outlaw cuts a large hole in the celing*

Outlaw: Lets go!

Dark Knight: That’s not right.

Outlaw: That’s what I’m counting on!

*They jump in the hole which takes them to the TCoD*

Dark Knight: What the…

Outlaw: I think I’ve got how we can beat Randomness.

Dark Knight: How?

Outlaw: By fighting fire with fire.

Randomness: Well well, you found me hiding place. Rabbits change my channel! Come get your pals. They right here!

*A spotlight shines on the X-Hunters*

Violen: HAAAAAAALP!

Dark Knight: Fine then. *Begins to walk towards them, but is stopped by a force*

Randomness: Ah ah ah. You didn’t say the magic word! Me am cosmic being, me am strong. Fight me you must now. Choo-choo! Choooose form!

Outlaw: Right. Ok Mr. Cosmic being of annoyance here goes. Get ready for an ass kicking!

*Randomness turns into an apple*

Dark Knight: Now he should be easy to fight.

*Suddenly Randomness gets the shape of a teddy bear*

Outlaw: Help me here DK!

Dark Knight: Huh?

Outlaw: The only way to win is to fight him at his own game. Keep thinking of things for him to turn into.

Dark Knight: Ok I get it now!

*So the two of them keep on thinking of the most out there and strange things, as well as ordinary things causing the entity known as Randomness to keep his form ever changing*

Randomness: Stoooooooop, stooooop, can’t keep up. Too much Fruitcake eats children!!! Never taste the last wrench! Arglbargle fluffy fluff!

*The world around them begins to become even more distorted and soon everything is going haywire.*

Outlaw: X-Hunters! Get over here now, he should be weak enough for you to move!

*The X-Hunters, not wasting any time, charge towards them. They make it across a pudding stream that showed up and finally made it to our heros.*

Dark Knight: I wonder if they can help us now that they are with us?

Serges: Worth a shot.

*So with the collective minds of the two C:IA members and the X-Hunters they send Randomness even more forms and ideas. Now with all the thougths coming his way he no longer can keep a form, just an ever changing blob of mess.*

Randomness: AEIOU!!!

*The world they were in sudddenly begins to implode. Mass chaos ensues and they all black out*

*Some time later*

Outlaw: *waking up* uhhHhhh. Oh man… My head. What a dream that must have been. Wait a sec.

*Looks to see DK nearby. They are back in the sewer where they began.*

Dark Knight: You finally woke up. That adventure was crazy, but kinda fun! We should rescue our enemies from cosmic entities more often! But why did it choose us, and why did we need to save those guys? And where are they?

Outlaw: I don’t know. Lets just go home and let everyone know what happened.

Dark Knight: *As they are leaving* They’ll never believe us you know.

*Further back in the sewer*

Serges: That’s the last time we rely on magical beings that revived us to help in our plans!

Agile: Look it was worth trying ok? How was I supposed to know we would go through something like that?

Violen: At least it’s over.

The E–

Randomness: WAAAAAIT! Me no done yet, me no done yet!

Narrator: No more out of you. Shut the hell up loser.

Randomness: …k… 😦

The End

S3Expo

May 21, 2014

*By Void Darkheart*

 

*It was just a typical day in the base of the Island Attackers. Typical in and of the fact that things were blowing up and loud noises were being made in the tower. The reason for the explosions today could be found on the floor that consisted of the lab for one Morph Moth.*

Magna: Ok, set up the next round of explosives guys. We’ll blow him out of there if you all have to go down!

Bubble: But Magna…

Magna: Not now Crab.

Overdrive: Magna…

Magna: I said shut up…

Wire: BEER!

*The cry for beer is quickly followed by the sounds of more explosions and the sight of smoke, even more scorched walls, and a door that still stood.*

Magna: For the love of, what does he make his lab out of? Metalloy? Nerpium? Kryptonite?!

*Fortunately for Morph Moth, he was no where near his lab. He was currently in town with Frankenploid, who was on a very, very short leash.*

Frank: This is humiliating.

Void: Yeah, but still, can’t let you go running free and wild and all. You’d destroy the city.

Frank: Yeah, why did you build me with that much power and now limit it?

*Then a well dressed man ran up to the two of them.*

Man: Hello there! I’m a person-to-person salesman…

*That was all that was said before Frank sent the man flying into, and through, a nearby building.*

Void: Someone has to take care of the trash. Anyway, we need to hurry, or we’ll be late for the expo.

Frank: Expo? What kind of expo is this?

Void: The only kind that would force me to leave my lab all on my own and to drag you out here, under modified programming that is.

Frank: An anime convention?

*Morph stopped for a bit, standing there and blinking a bit.*

Void: Nah… you go to one anime convention and you’ve been to them all.

*It didn’t take the two of them too much longer (and a few more salesmen) before they arrived at the convention hall for the city.*

Void: And here we are! S3Expo!

Frank: S3Expo?

Void: Science Entertainment Expo Expo…

Frank: That’s a stupid name.

Void: We’re scientists, not name makers. I mean, I named you Frankenploid.

Frank: The comment still stands.

*Just sighing and removing his disguise, Morph headed into the convention proper, flying around some as he examined some of the various exhibits.*

Morph: Lets see… theory of comedic physics… heh, everyone knows that that it exists. Hardly a theory. *he moves on to the next exhibit* Paper metal? Doesn’t seem like it’d be that useful… *moves on* A YEAST POWERED ENGINE?! Jeez, they’ll let anyone in these days…

Frank: So says the moth that builds everything out of junk and always seems to waste solar energy.

Morph: Are you complaining, or would you rather I have used actual pieces of junk to make you? As for the energy, never know when you’ll need it.

*Meanwhile, on the other side of the expo… *

Serges: Ahhh, finally… I’m rid of those two. At least now I don’t have to worry about them causing too much damage around here.

*Serges quickly hovered over to an empty spot and began to set up his booth. His exhibit? The theory of techno-babble.*

Serges: Hopefully enough people will buy into this and I can get enough cash to afford a real lab again…

*Fortunately for the X-Hunter, most scientists of this day and age would rather look like fools than admit they don’t know what they’re talking about. Thus, the nonsense at his exhibit made perfect sense to everyone and he was getting his money’s worth. That is, until…*

Morph: Theory of Techno-babble? You’re really stretching for it this time, Serges.

Serges: GAH! What are you doing here?

Morph: *shrugs* Free country, Science Expo, and I am a scientist… of sorts, but one none the less. That, and I knew that you’d be here.

Serges: Well I’m not causing any trouble, so get!

Morph: Oh please now. I’m not here for a fight. On the contrary, I’m here to prove you wrong!

*By now, the crowd of scientists that were around Serges’ exhibit had spread out some.*

Serges: What are you talking about? You can’t prove any of this here is wrong.

Morph: Not this crap you pass off as real science. No… I came to prove that you CAN make something powerful and worthwhile from junk! Behold! Frankenploid!

*Morph moved so that Serges could see the creation in question, who currently looked indignant, angered, and just generally annoyed.*

Serges: That hunk of scrap is powerful? HA! I bet he can barely destroy anything!

Frank: You want to bet? Give me a target and I’ll blow it up!

Serges: Take out that annoying moth then.

Frank: Oh how I wish I could…

Morph: *laughing* Oh please… like I would let my second strongest invention be able to destroy, let alone attack, me.

Serges: You’re not as dumb as I might have thought… how about the exhibit across from mine?

*Frank turned around and quickly fired off a Sonic Slicer, slicing up the target quickly.*

Serges: Mmmm… not bad… but what about that exhibit? *points to an exhibit on the power of nuclear reinforced steel.*

*Frank smirked a bit and froze the exhibit over with the Crystal Hunter, quickly melting it then with the following Speed Burner.*

Morph: As you can tell, he has all of the attacks of my team, as well as a few other tricks that shall remain hidden for now.

Serges: *grumbling a tad* Fine fine… you were right. But you said he was only your second strongest invention? Where’s your first?

Morph: Top secret and currently being designed and debugged.

Scientist: What keeps this Frankenploid from destroying the city if he, or you, so pleased?

Morph: Well, his normal programming is such that he can not really come with in attacking range of the city. For today though, I put that program on hold, as well as deactivated the more powerful weapons.

*Serges, in the meantime, had started to get annoyed. It was his exhibit space and the like that Morph was taking up with his own show, even if it wasn’t an official one.*

Serges: Morph! I challenge you to a Brain Off!

Morph: *turning to face Serges as everyone else let out a gasp* You realize that we don’t have the time, or the space, for a proper Brain Off, right?

Serges: Hmmm… true. Then let’s just settle this like we always did. *pulls out a blaster and fires it at Morph*

*Morph quickly dodged out of the way and flew off, Serges flying after him and firing the weapon. Morph winced as his back side and wings became more and more scorched from the blaster shots, turning around and returning fire with his Silk Shot. Getting hit with the attack did faze him, but Serges continued onward, firing off some more shots of his own. Morph did as best he could to dodge, but there wasn’t much space for him to do so, and the damage was starting to build.*

Morph: Nnnn… fine. Time for the Solar Beam…

Serges: Ha! You don’t even have enough energy here to power it fully!

Morph: Yeah, which is why I always have just enough for me to use it on hand.

Frank: Well that explains that…

*Morph then clenched his fists, pulling his arms back and preparing to fire off his strongest weapon.*

Morph: Any last words?

Serges: I’ll be back! *turns tail and runs away*

Morph: *sighs and flies back down to the ground* My bluff worked.

Frank: Bluff? You were bluffing? What happened to that solar energy you had?!

Morph: Oh, I used that stuff to power my repair systems already.

Head of S3Expo: Um… excuse me… sir? What are you going to do about the damages that were caused here?

Morph: Hm? Oh… that… uh… bill Serges for it. He owes me anyways. Here’s the address…

*Later, back at the Island Attacker base…*

Magna: One last time Gator!

Wheel: *holding Crab in a ramming position* I don’t think its working…

Bubble: Yay! Head injury!

Flame: Why do you want to get in there so badly?

Magna: The Coke Machine of Infinite Dispensing is in there…

Flame: Really?

Magna: Dunno, but it would be something that Void would make…

Crystal: Save that he’s not even here…

Magna: …What was that?

Flame: He said that Void isn’t there. He went off into town with Frank for some reason.

*The silence was almost deafening as the realization of what was said sunk into the team leader’s mind.*

Wire: BEER!

Magna: Just… just shut up!

The End

TV Turmoil pt. 1

March 4, 2014

*Written by Outlaw88 (me)*

*We join our hero’s relaxing in front of their small TV after a hard days work. Lots of repairs had to be done to their base after the last “cookie battle.” Magna, Overdrive, Moth, Flame, and Sponge are sitting on the couch. Crab is behind it and Snail is on top of the TV*

Snail: Is it working?

Overdrive: A little more to the left. No, your other left.

Snail: Remind me why I’m doing this.

Flame: You get better reception with your antenna.

Sponge: You sure are eating a lot of snacks there Magna.

Magna: I’m trying to *munch* spoil my appetite.

Moth: Why?

Magna: Because it’s Gator’s turn to cook tonight.

Everyone else: IT IS?!

Flame: Hey pass me some chips!

Overdrive: Popcorn, NOW!

Moth: Pass those my way!

Sponge: Fill me up on those sodas!

*They all pass around the various snacks*

Overdrive: Damnit, Snail fell asleep on the TV again.

Magna: Nothing good on anyway. All the stations look the same. *Flips through channels that show identical pictures*

Flame: Hey, they are the same! What is that?

Magna: Well I was watching re-runs of “I Love Lucy” when this annoying multi-colored screen came on.

Crab: Whoooo! This watch thing is so much fun!

Moth: Don’t play with that, it’s not a toy.

Crab: Now I’m Crab!

PBX: Now I’m not!

Crab: Now I’m Crab!

PBX: Now I’m not!

Crab: This

PBX: is

Crab: so

PBX: much

Crab: fun!!!

Crab/PBX: Yay! Hahahahahahahahah!!

Overdrive: Are you sure we can’t turn him off?

Sponge: We’ve tried. Trust me on that one.

Magna: Shh, the TV is going again.

*They all pay attention except for Snail*

TV Announcer: Attention viewers of the world! Are you ready for drama? Are you ready for action? Do you have the attention span of jello? Then you’ll love… THE APPRENTICE OF DOOM! All Trump all the time no matter where you go. And now the man himself has something to say.

Trump: Hello. For those of you who don’t know me I’m the boss of everything, Donald Trump. I have taken over every TV station in the world for my own enjoyment. I didn’t bother going after radio since most of you are too dumb to use it. My plan of global conquest has only begun! I’m a busy man so I’ll return you to your new programming and since most of you are brain-dead morons, it will consist of a picture of me for the next three weeks. Enjoy or be destroyed!

*The C:IA sit in stunned silence until…*

Crab: AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

*Crab fires his weapon at the TV making it explode. Snail is thrown into air only to land on the couch, still asleep and unharmed*

Magna: Why the hell did you do that?!

Crab: Trump! Trump on TV! Must stop!

Overdrive: You could have just turned it off you know.

Sponge: This is a serious problem, though. All of the TV stations?

Flame: We need to do something.

Moth: Yeah Magna. You’re the leader, what do you want to do?

Magna: Nothing. Let’s just stay here and maybe things will turn out OK.

*Just then Gator emerges from the kitchen holding a large steaming pot*

Gator: Dinner’s ready.

Magna: On second thought, let’s go.

Flame: To stop…

Magna: ANYWHERE!

Gator: You’re going out? But I cooked my specialty, “Sewer Surprise.”

Moth: (Nobody say it, nobody say it, nobody say it…)

Crab: What’s the surprise?

*Moth slaps his forehead*

Gator: I have no idea what’s in it! That’s not the only surprise either, I got…

Overdrive: We can’t stay right now we… uhh.. Have to go get a new TV!

Gator: But I…

Sponge: We have a few errands to run too.

Gator: OK then. I can bring this on the van and–

Flame: NO! Uh, I mean that would spoil it. Besides we had a big lunch and we’re not that hungry.

Magna: Don’t worry about it. You go ahead and enjoy whatever it is that you made. We’ll be back later.

Gator: At least take this with you in case you get hungry. *Scoops some of the stew into a Tupperware container and hands it to Moth*

Moth: Eww… I mean thanks. *Puts it in pocket*

Crab: Bye fang-face!

*They rush out before Gator can say anything else*

Gator: And all that time I took to find stuff for it. Now I can’t share it.

Snail: Zzzzzz…Smell..ZzzzzZzz

Gator: Or maybe not! Hey Snail, you’ll love this…

*In the incredible van of the C:IA*

Overdrive: Whew, we got out of there just in time.

Flame: I’ll say. Who knows what you could get eating that stuff. I think I saw it move.

Moth: Now what?

Crab: We have to stop Trump!

Magna: Why should we? He’s not hurting anyone, just boring them to death.

Moth: I can’t believe I’m saying this, but Crab is right. As hero’s we must stop Trump’s evil plan.

Sponge: Of Doom!

Flame: Doom?

Overdrive: Doom.

Magna: Stop that! Do you guys think we can just waltz into his TV station, filled with guards and other horrors, all probably lurking inside a storage room where they keep spare TV sets? Spare TV sets?! We could score a new TV!

Moth: Uh.. Sure if we have the time.

Magna: To Trump Station!

Sponge: Where is that anyway?

Flame: It’s in “Trumptopia” a few miles away.

Crab: Trumptopia?! Please tell me this is a nightmare!

Overdrive: How can this be a nightmare if you don’t sleep?

Crab: Oh yeah, I forgot.

Magna: OK there it is. Any plans on getting in there?

Moth: I’ve got one. Lets change into our alter ego’s, Trump’s guards won’t know it’s really us. We can then join the tour group.

Sponge: Once we’re inside what then?

Moth: We have to shut down his transmission and restore all the other stations, then destroy all of his stuff.

Overdrive: He’s rich you know, he can just buy more. What’s the point of that?

Moth: It will be both gratifying and fun. Then we will confront Trump to help Crab get over his phobia, and finally we bring Trump to justice.

Magna: And score a free TV!

Moth: …And score a free TV.

Crab: Yay plan! It’s good except for the confronting part. He’s too scary.

Magna: Alright everybody, transform and let’s get this show on the road.

*Void lands the van a few blocks away*

Rebel: There’s the tour, let’s go join it.

GDT: *Sarcastically* Oh this ought to be good. There’s a giant poster of Trump. PBX if you freak out I swear I will beat you so bad…

Void: Shut up the tour is starting.

Tour Guide: Welcome to Trump Studio’s where Donald’s dream of global conquest will finally come true. We will begin our tour by going through one of many of the rooms where we shoot hit TV shows.

*All part of the tour move in, they see many rooms with different sets, monitors, and the occasional studio staff. Things go smoothly until… *

Tour Guide: Before we go any further, does anybody have any questions?

Void: Yeah I do. How come it seems so deserted in here? Shouldn’t there be more people running this place?

Tour Guide: That’s because the boss keeps firing everybody. He will usually have a replacement ready but sometimes…

Tour Guide #2: Hey Joe, The boss told me to take over. Oh yeah he also said “You’re Fired!” Tough luck.

Tour Guide #1: But it was only my second day!

*Suddenly PBX begins to flicker and fade*

Ti-An: Uh guys..

Rebel: Now what?

Void: The batteries must be going dead. I told you not to play with that!

Crab: I couldn’t help it, you made it so fun.

Tour Guides 1 and 2: What the? Security! Intruders! Hey stop copying me. Quit it! *They start to fight each other*

GDT: Lets take this opportunity to get out of here.

*As the tour guides fight each other our hero’s take off and go into a door marked “Hall B.” There they revert back to their original form*

Overdrive: Nice going Crab! Now the whole building will be looking for us.

Crab: It’s not my fault Moth gave us crappy batteries!

Moth: Those should have lasted three years! How long were you doing that “Now I’m Crab, now I’m not” bit?

Crab: Two weeks during the daytime and every night since you gave it to me. I get bored when you guys are asleep.

Sponge: If we get out of here alive I vote we get him a board game or something.

Magna: Agreed. We might as well explore and try to find the storage room. I wonder if they have plasma screens lying around.

Flame: You mean find where the transmissions are coming from.

Magna: That too.

*The C:IA go down the hall. No doors or windows are around, just a winding path that they follow. Just as they round the corner…*

Magna: There has to be a door somewhere around here.

Moth: Do you hear that?

Flame: Hear what? That weird rattling sound?

Sponge: That’s Crab.

Crab: I have screws loose!

Overdrive: *Rolls eyes* You’re telling me.

Moth: No, not that. I think I hear voices. They sound familiar too.

Magna: Who would we find here that we would kno- *Bumps into Serges* Ow…

Serges: Huh?

Magna and Serges: AHHHHH! What are you doing here?

Overdrive: Man, that is getting creepy.

Flame: I thought D.T. fired you.

Serges: He did.

Agile: We came here to get the TV back on. Violen hasn’t stopped whining since they cut off “I Love Lucy” to display that stupid message.

Violen: I want my Lucy back! That was a good episode.

Magna: I know. Do you know which one it was?

Violen: It was the one where Lucy wants to go to the club but Ricky wouldn’t let her, Fred and Ethel show up for no reason, and Lucy does that really funny cry.

Sponge: Isn’t that every episode?

Serges: So what brings you here?

Moth: Stopping Trump, saving the world, restoring the rights of viewers everywhere. You know, the whole “hero” thing.

Magna: And to get a free TV! Stop forgetting that!

Flame: So we all have a common goal right now. We could work together.

Sponge: Are you crazy?

Crab: I might be.

Overdrive: We can’t trust them!

Serges: And we can’t trust you.

Agile: It will never work.

Violen: I WANT MY TV!!!!!

Magna: Um…. Temporary truce?

Serges: Oh very well.

*Magna and Serges shake hands*

Flame: So now what?

Moth: I guess we keep going until we find an exit or something. I’m pretty sure we are looking for a control room of some kind.

Guard: There they are! Get them!

*Guards surround the unlikely team of the C:IA and X-Hunters*

Serges: OK now what? Do we stand and fight, give up, or run like hell?

Magna: We do what any world-class heroes such as ourselves would do. We run.

Crab: Wait, I have an idea.

Overdrive: Oh no…

*Music blairs as Crab takes out a pack of Mentos and proceeds to eat one as the Mentos theme plays*

Crab: The Freshmaker!

Everyone else: ……………………..

Crab: What? You deny the power of the Freshmaker?

Guard: Idiot. Capture them men. *Gets slapped* And women!

*The team takes off down the hall dodging blasts from the guards weapons and returning fire with their own. They bust through a door and quickly go through one on the right*

Magna: Watch my ninja skills at work.

*Magna tosses a few balls into the hallway that emit a large cloud of dark smoke. Then he uses his powers to make a fire extinguisher fall in a room past the one they are in, fooling the guards. They pass where the team is and go off in all directions*

Sponge: That was a close one.

Flame: Now what do we do?

Magna: I’ve got an idea. I’ll use my magnetic powers to locate the strongest signal here. We follow that and we find the master control room.

*Magna gets into his usual pose and concentrates. He glows a bright yellow and promptly gets hit in the head by a crowbar that was attracted, knocking him down*

Moth: You OK?

Magna: *Groggy* MoRe OvAlTeAn PlEaSe…

Overdrive: *Snicker* Good one.

Sponge: What happened?

Serges: He used to much power and made himself a magnet.

Crab: *Chants* Somebodies got a dent..

Magna: Shut up! Let me try that again, just toned down this time.

*Magna once again gets into his meditative pose this time glowing faintly*

Magna: Got it. The strongest signal is coming from behind that door.

Agile: Well let’s get going before more guards show up.

*They all go through the door only to discover a hallway with nine doors and a dead-end*

Overdrive: Wonderful. Just wonderful. Our leader steers us to a dead-end.

Flame: Did we make a wrong turn somewhere?

Agile: Maybe that crowbar messed you up a bit.

Magna: No, I’m sure this is the way. It’s straight ahead but there’s a wall in the way.

Violen: I can fix that problem.

Moth: No! Don’t do that, we want to draw less attention to ourselves remember? You bash it with your mace and the whole building will know where we are.

Serges: So what do you suppose we do?

Crab: We could do the Hokey-Pokey!

Sponge: There’s nine doors and nine of us. Soooo…

Magna: Let’s split up gang!

Violen: No! I’ll get scared and lonely. I don’t wanna…

Serges: Would you do it for a Scooby Snack?

Violen: Oh boy, would I ever!

*Agile opens a door and Serges throws the snack into it. Violen rushes after it and they slam the door after him*

Flame: Riiiight.. Guess I’ll meet you guys at the control room.

Moth: If any of you get into trouble use your communicators.

Sponge: The signal is being jammed.

Moth: In that case run like crazy.

Crab: What if I run into Trump? I’ll freak out!

Agile: Just shoot at him or something. Oh yeah I forgot, you can’t. Cause you’re a sissy little.. *gets smacked by Serges*

Serges: *Whispers to Agile* Don’t anger them. We may need the help.

Magna: Good luck everybody.

*They go their separate ways. As Magna goes through the door he emerges upon a set that consists of a desk, couch, chair, a full audience and staff*

Magna: What in the world…

Oprah: Welcome back folks! I’m Oprah, super talk show host, and with me is the leader of the Code: Island Attackers: Magna Centipede!

Magna: Um… Hi.

Oprah: Isn’t he cute? This reminds me of the time when… blah..blah..blah… boring stuff… (You get the picture)

*Oprah talks non-stop*

Magna: I’m gonna leave before my ears start to bleed. *Goes through another door*

Dr. Phil: Hi, I’m Dr. Phil, have you come for my help?

Magna: Well that crowbar gave me one hell of a headache… And a dent…

Dr. Phil: Sorry I’m not that kind of Doctor. I can help you set a plan to lose weight though.

Magna: No thanks. Have you tried that weight loss program on yourself chubby?

Dr. Phil: What do you mean? I’m not chubby, the plan works! It… AHHHHHH!!! *Sob* I’m a fraud, a shame! I’ve led people astray! *Cries*

Magna: So much for this show..

*Next room*

Jerry Springer: Today on Jerry Springer: “Giant Bugs and the Women Who Love Them!”

Magna: I like this topic! C’mere ladies!

*A group of the ugliest trailer-park trash comes up on stage*

Magna: Now this is wrong. Does at least one of you have all their teeth? And I don’t know if this is possible but you smell worse than Gator after his sewer hunts.

Jerry: That’s not all folks, because here comes the jealous boyfriends.

*Before Magna has time to react he is hit in the head with a chair*

Crowd: Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!

Jerry: That looked like it hurt. Now for my final thought.

Magna: You can say that again. *Bashes Jerry into the enraged red-necks and dashes out the door*

Magna: *Pant pant* Please let this be something good. I’m tired of these crappy morning talk shows.

Jay Leno: Then how about the Tonight Show?

David Letterman: No, I think he really wants to be on Late Night.

Conan O’Brien: You mean my Late Night right?

Letterman: No, you red-headed fool. Mine.

Leno: Forget it, he’s going on my show.

Magna: Listen guys, I don’t have time for…

Letterman: He’ll be on my show! He needs to do the Top Ten with me.

Leno: Oh please, that tired old thing? Now Headlines and Jay Walking on the other hand..

O’Brien: Triumph wants to mess with him.

Leno: That dog that pissed off Canada? No way!

O’Brien: Can I at least do my talking pictures bit?

Letterman: Yeah that’s OK… But Magna will still go on my show.

Leno: No. Mine.

O’Brien: Mine!

Letterman: Mine!

Leno: Tell you what, lets let him decide. OK Magna, who’s show do you..

*Everyone looks around only to find Magna has left*

Leno: Where’d he go?

Triumph: All the shows are great.. FOR ME TO POOP ON!

Magna: *Running down a corridor* (I sincerely hope somebody has it worse than I do. What a bunch of nut-jobs!)

*Meanwhile…*

Overdrive: (Now’s my chance to prove that I should be the true leader. Then we can stop this stupid kid stuff like playing “hero.”)

*As Overdrive goes through the door he sees a street corner. The door slams and locks behind him*

Overdrive: Damn! Don’t tell me I wound up outside?! *Looks up* No, I’m still inside, I can see all the lighting equipment. This must be some kind of set.

Elmo: Hi Big Bird! What are…. Hey, you’re not Big Bird!

Overdrive: AHHH! Don’t sneak up on me like that.

Elmo: What have you done to Big Bird? Everybody come!

Overdrive: Listen, I didn’t do anything, I just got here. Honest.

*The rest of Sesame Street surrounds Overdrive*

Grover: Villains need to be punished.

Bert: Let’s poke him with my paper clips!

Ernie: And let Rubber Duckie taunt him. *Squeak squeak*

Oscar the Grouch: No one gets away with hurting Big Bird!

Overdrive: I DIDN’T!!

*Just then the real Big Bird shows up*

Big Bird: What’s going on everybody? Are we having a party?

Overdrive: Thank God you’re here! They were going to… I don’t know, but it was really creepy!

Big Bird: …Another giant yellow talking bird. You know what that means boys and girls? Someone is trying to replace me. Get him!!!!

Overdrive: Holy Hell! *Takes off at full speed but stops short* Wait a minute. What am I running from? It’s just a bunch of stupid puppets.

*As the residents of Sesame Street run towards him, Overdrive lets loose a barrage of Sonic Slicers*

Grover: My arm! Gone it is!

Elmo: Ahhhhh! Elmo on fire!

*Such was the fate of the rest of them. And for good measure Overdrive set the entire place on fire*

Overdrive: Now that was gratifying. I hope the next door takes me to the control room. I hate kid shows. *Goes through door*

Barney: Look who’s here today kids! It’s Overdrive Ostrich. Isn’t he neat?

Overdrive: Aww man, this is much worse than crazed puppets… Muppets… Whatever.

Barney: Lets sing the “I Love You” song.

Overdrive: I have a better idea. Lets see how easy it is to make a Dinosaur extinct.

*Overdrive rushes by at blinding speed. A few moments later Barney’s head falls to the floor, followed by the rest of him a few seconds later*

Overdrive: I just did the world a favor. Please let this be it.

*Opens door. A grassy hillside is what it reveals*

Overdrive: This is a bit better than that classroom that abomination was in. At least I can sprint in here to cover some ground.

*Overdrive takes off running. He goes for a while until he comes to a strange dome-like structure*

Overdrive: I wonder what this thing is.

*As if in answer the Teletubbies pop out of it.*

Teletubbies: Play! Play! Play!

Overdrive: (Hmmm let’s see. I burned down Sesame Street and decapicitated Barney. What should I do to these guys? Oh I know!)

*Overdrive throws a Sonic Slicer into the gut of each Telitubby. The Slicers explode like bombs making the Tubbies do the same, littering the field with their parts*

Overdrive: Heh. Cool. *Walks through the next door*

Captain Kangaroo: Hi Overdrive.

Overdrive: *Sigh* Look “Captain” I’m getting tired of this, so unless you want to end up like the rest of them you’ll tell me how to get to the control room.

Captain: Of course. It’s through that door down the hall.

Overdrive: *Kinda surprised* Hey thanks. That’s the most helpful thing to happen all day.

Captain: No problem.

*Overdrive exits. After he leaves the Captian pulls out a cell phone*

Captain: He’s on his way sir. Everything is going as planned. Though we are going to need a new lineup. Mwahahahahahahah!!!!

To Be Continued…